Chapter Text
Tommy sat straight up in bed, shoving the covers away and scrambling onto the floor. He let out a whimper as he pulled his knees to his chest.
His side hurt where Dream had once kicked him. He held the spot where the bruise was still healing.
He had half the mind to go to the park just to assume himself that Dream could not hurt him anymore. Just to show how big and strong he was despite how weak he felt now.
“Toms?” Wilbur’s voice asked as he poked his head in the room. “I heard you scream…”
Tommy looked up at his older brother. The half of him still caught up in the nightmare wanted to lock himself in the closet away from everyone. The other half wanted to be held by his brother and be told it was okay. He sat paralyzed by his options.
“Nightmare?” Wilbur asked, staying in the doorway.
Tommy nods.
He hugs his knees close.
“Do you mind?” Tommy asked.
Wilbur shook his head no. “May I come in?”
Tommy nods and Wilbur sits himself down on the bed. He waits patiently. Wilbur was good at that.
“It was about Dream,” Tommy says. “He hurt me. It still hurts.”
Tommy held his side.
“Physically or mentally?” Wilbur asked.
“Yes.”
Tommy climbed to his feet and sat next to Wilbur on the bed. He leaned back against the headboard.
“And yet, I miss him. He hurt me but he was there when I needed someone.”
“I'm sorry. It's all my fault.”
“What?” he asked quietly, looking up at him.
“If I hadn't OD’ed you wouldn't have turned to Dream.”
Tommy is silent for a long time. “I think some things in life are inevitable. I think Dream was one of them.”
“Tommy, that's kind of fucked up, isn't it?”
“No. It's no one's fault but Dreams that he hurt me that way,” Tommy said.
It was an incredibly mature thing for him to say. He knew that. He also knew he wasn't entirely convinced by the concept.
Wilbur contemplated this. “I'm still sorry about Dream. I wish he'd never even looked at you.”
Tommy smiled. “Thanks Wil.”
They sat in silence again. Tommy stares into the darkness across the room. His brain is fuzzy from panic and his hands are shaking.
Next to him, Wilbur hums under his breath. He is more than happy to stay with Tommy. He'd do anything for him.
That's what brothers are for.
“Do you still miss our last home,” Tommy asks. “Even though they hurt us?”
Wilbur nods.
Our brains love to confuse love and abuse, Tommy is slowly learning. Abuse can be masked, hidden so you can't even see it when you're being beaten half to death.
Tommy shivers, not from the cold. It's from the memory.
Jarringly he wonders if there truly is a difference between abuse and love. Could he spot the difference? Or would he spend eternity in doubt.
Tommy looks over at Wilbur. Was it love his brother gave him or another form of abuse? He closed his eyes. Who could he trust? His mind was screaming ‘no one’. A quieter voice in the back of mind told him a different answer: Tubbo.
Tubbo. His best friend.
“Can I be alone?” he asks quietly, looking up at Wilbur.
Wilbur hesitates. “You’ll be okay?”
He nods. He will be, he assures himself.
Wilbur gets up, ruffling his hair as he goes. “Hey, Toms?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
Tommy smiles. His mind screams. “I love you too.”
Wilbur closes the door and he tries not to cry. He desperately wants to believe and accept his brother's love, but how can he do that when his mind is screaming--screaming that everyone he loves and trusts is out to get him.
He swallows the anxiety rising in his chest and grabs for his phone. He texts Tubbo. It’s only one in the morning, he should still be up.
Tommy used to share that sleep schedule with him and the two of them would stay up late playing video games with Ranboo. After the events with Dream, he got medicine meant to help him sleep at night because of how horrible the night mares were.
A moment of spiraling thoughts later, Tubbo replied to his messages.
Tubbo: didn’t think you stayed up this late anymore.
Another one came a second later.
Tubbo: ranboo and i are playing minecraft, wanna join?
Tommy smiled. He gathered up his blankets and his laptop, quietly going down to the basement where Ranboo sat at his desk.
“Mind if I play too?” he asked with a smile.
Sometimes, it wasn't that he wanted to be alone, but that he was selective in his company.
-
“I’m really proud of you for reaching out to some friends,” his therapist said to him the next day in session.
“Well, Ranboo’s technically like a brother,” Tommy reminded him.
Tommy watched him jot it down in his notes.
“I tried reaching out to Wilbur,” Tommy said. “But I was scared that he was just manipulating me like Dream. Like I couldn’t trust him.”
“You've had your trust broken by a lot of people in your life. It's normal to feel this way. However, we need to learn to think rationally about the people we can trust. Wilbur has been with you through everything. He helped you get away from Dream. He protected you.”
“He's good. I know he is. I'm just scared.”
Sam, his therapist, nods. “That's understandable. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I got my closure. I told him goodbye, but I still wake up in the middle of the night because he won't leave my head. I don't think he ever will.”
-
Tommy sat on a bench with Tubbo, slurping down overpriced coffee that Phil gave them money for. Tommy felt so safe with Tubbo that he had missed the bright green hoodie walking towards him.
He leaned over, looking at Tubbo’s phone as his friend showed him a video. They were laughing.
The sound died in his throat when he heard his voice. “Hi, Tommy,” Dream said, standing over them. “I've missed you!”
Tommy’s vision went white. For a split second he didn't know if he was in the park or the mall. He reached for the bench under him.
He dropped his drink, the splash of it against his legs snapping him back to reality. He looked down at it.
“Dude, are you okay?” Tubbo said with a laugh, picking up the now empty cup. “Who's your friend?”
Tommy was paralyzed with fear. He wanted to yell out for Phil, for Wilbur. They were in the mall somewhere, surely they'd hear him, right?
“I'm Dream,” he said, holding out a hand to Tubbo. Tubbo shook it. “Would you mind getting something to clean this up? I'd like to talk to Tommy alone.”
“Yeah, no problem. Be back in a minute.”
Tubbo got up. Tommy tried to call out for him to stay but the words died in his throat. He let out a quiet whimper as he watched his friend leave and Dream sat down next to him.
“Miss me?”
“God no,” Tommy managed.
“Really? You didn't miss your best friend?” Dream clicked his tongue. “I missed you. Phil’s a real dick for keeping us apart, man. We had so much fun.”
“No we didn't. You tried to kill me.”
“No. I told you how to get rid of your pain,” Dream said smoothly.
“It's murder in the courtroom. I looked it up,” Tommy whispered.
“Looking out for your friend I see,” Dream said, patting him on the back.
It wasn't gentle. It made Tommy cough. Dream didn't let go of his shoulder, grip tightening.
“Listen up, you little brat,” Dream snarled. “I've got some loose ends to tie up before I leave. If you go blabbing your mouth to the cops I'm never getting out of this shit town.”
“Why won't you let me move on. I just want to forget all of this. Leave me alone,” Tommy whimpered. “I don't care about the cops. I just want to forget.”
Dream’s grin grew dark. “There's an easy way to do that. You and I both know what it is. Just think about it.”
Tommy was shaking when Tubbo got back with paper towels. Dream said his goodbyes and left.
Tommy stuck extra close to Tubbo the rest of the day. He slept in the car on the way home. No one thought that was strange because of how poorly he'd been sleeping the last few nights. No one said anything when he went straight up stairs.
-
Tubbo sat down at the island where Ranboo was doing homework.
Phil came in a moment later. “Tubbo? Is Tommy alright? He seemed a bit off. He gets all defensive when I ask him, though.”
Tubbo shrugged, looking up from his friends homework. “Uh, he seemed tired after we ran into his one friend.”
“Who?” Ranboo asked.
Tommy didn't really ever talk about friends outside the two of them or Wilbur’s friends.
“I forget his name...blonde hair...blue eyes...God what was his name?”
“Dream?” Ranboo asked very quietly.
“Yeah! That's it!”
Tubbo flinched at how fast both Ranboo and Phil moved toward the stairs. They both yelled Tommy’s name.
-
Tommy looked toward the stairs. He stood in the hall with Wilbur and Techno the medicine bin in his hands. It normally sat under the sink.
Phil and Ranboo both came up short at the sight before them. Techno slowly took the bin from Tommy.
“What’s going on?” Phil asked quietly.
“Tommy just said that it was best for me to hold onto these or put them somewhere safe,” Techno said, handing them over to Phil.
“I followed him up...I thought something was wrong...and then I thought…” Wilbur shook his head, stuffing his hands into his pockets.
Tommy frowned. “I ran into Dream at the mall.”
He says it like it's no big deal, but it's a huge deal. Techno’s head snaps over to him. Wilbur curses under his breath.
“Are you okay?” Phil asked.
Tommy shrugged.”I'm not sure. I just think someone else should hold onto the medicine. He's all in my head now,” he says with a laugh.
He meant it to be lighthearted, joking but it's a sad sound. It's painful.
“Who's Dream?” Tubbo asks behind Phil and Ranboo.
Everyone turns to Tommy.
“A bad guy. Nothing you need to worry about, Big Man,” Tommy assured his friend. “I'll tell you about it later.”
“Tommy I can call Sam—” Phil started but Tommy waved a dismissive hand.
“Don't.”
“What did he say?” Wilbur asked.
“Not to tell the cops. He wants to leave town, I guess. I said I just wanted to forget,” Tommy said. “He said I already knew how.”
His eyes flicked to the medicine bin Techno held. Wilbur was shaking with anger as he pushed past Phil and Ranboo.
Phil cursed under his breath and called out after him, rushing down the stairs. The front door closed twice.
Tubbo was staring at Tommy. He looked sad. “He told you to kill yourself…” he asked.
“Yeah, he told me a lot of things,” he said quietly. “He's not a very nice guy.”
“I'm sorry I left you with him,” Tubbo said, fidgeting with his sleeves.
Tommy shrugged. “It's alright. I'm a big strong man.”
“Yeah,” Techno said. “Why don't you guys go play video games or something?”
He set down the medicine bin in his room and went back down the stairs and out the front door.
“Is Wilbur okay?” Ranboo asked Tommy.
“Dunno,” Tommy answered honestly. “Can we just play a video game? I need a distraction.”
“Yeah,” Tubbo said with a happy smile.
The three of them sat around Tommy’s room, grabbing the game controllers. They started up Tommy’s game system when the front door slammed shut.
“He’s going to get himself hurt,” Phil’s voice boomed.
All three boys flinched. Tommy glanced at Tubbo next to him with mild confusion. He’s never seen Tubbo jump quite like that.
“He’s almost an adult,” Techno said in a much calmer, but equally loud voice.
“That doesn’t change the fact that he's being stupid! You know he's not thinking clearly—”
“This has nothing to do with that,” Techno snapped. “He's always been this quick to anger when it came to Tommy.”
There was silence for a moment. Ranboo shuffled closer to Tommy, but not too close.
“I don't want him getting hurt. Dream’s dangerous,” Phil said.
Tubbo glanced at Tommy. Tommy kept his eyes straight ahead.
He felt sick. The world felt like too much right now. He was shaking, his grip tightening on the controller.
“Okay, but we don't know where Wilbur went and Tommy is clearly not okay and he's here. Wilbur can handle himself. Focus on your son that's upstairs in his room with his friends who's first thought after running into his abuser was to get the medicine he wanted to take his life with where he couldn't get it,” Techno said, voice raising. “You are the only thing that has ever kept this family together and right now you're doing a shit job, Phil.”
Tommy got up fast, running straight for the bathroom. He emptied his stomach, the back of his throat burning.
He flushed the toilet, keeping his eyes closed. His hands shook as he gripped the toilet seat, willing himself not to throw up again.
“Tommy?” Phil’s voice asked.
“I hate Dream so much,” Tommy said, eyes still squeezed shut.
“I know,” Phil said quietly. “Me too.”
Tommy turned to look up at him, finally opening his eyes. “He constantly told me how horrible of a dad you are. That's not true. I know it's not. What Techno said isn't true.”
“It is. And that's on me,” Phil said, sitting down across from him.
“No. You're a good dad. You’re great,” Tommy said. “You just...you devote so much energy to one of us so we don't feel unloved and it leaves you feeling empty. That's what Sam said.”
“Sam’s a smart man,” Phil said.
“Maybe you should talk to him, sometime.”
Phil sat back. He considered it for a moment. “It wouldn't hurt.”
“Where did Wil go?” Tommy asked after a long moment of silence.
“No idea. He grabbed his bike and left before I could catch up to him. That kids fast,” Phil said. “Has he been acting weird lately?”
“You think he relapsed,” Tommy asked.
Phil shrugged.
“I have no idea.”
“Here,” Techno said from the door, handing Tommy a glass of water. “You good, kid?”
Tommy shrugged. “Relatively.”
“I can take Tubbo home, if you want,” he offered. “If you need space.”
“I want him to stay. I want to tell him about Dream.”
Techno nods. “I'm gonna go see if anyone's seen Wil.”
He held up his phone to them before turning and disappearing into his room.
“Is the medicine safe with Techno,” Tommy asked, aware of his eldest brother's self harming tendencies.
“He’ll be too worried about Wilbur.”
Tommy nods.
-
Tommy falls asleep watching a movie with his friends. He was awoken to the sound of the phone ringing and Phil’s muffled voice.
He heard his father curse, which wasn’t really uncommon, but it was his tone. He was angry.
He made his way downstairs to the door.
Tommy detangled himself from the blankets and followed after him.
“Phil?” he asked quietly. “Where are you going?”
Phil looked up at his surprise to see him awake. Tommy looked over his shoulder as Techno came to stand behind him. He hesitated.
“Police station. Wilbur’s been arrested.”