Chapter Text
- You’re a mess dude. When was the last time you had a decent meal ?
- Had a perfectly decent burger last night, thank you.
- You know what I mean. Every time I come to see you, your fridge is empty, there is laundry everywhere and…
Sam watched the smug grin on his brother’s face when he opened the fridge.
- S’not empty, there is plenty of beer.
Sam sighted. Life had been tough on his brother. He’d lost loved ones and spent all his life working is ass off to pay for college, to help him settle nicely. All his energy went to other people, and when it came to indulge himself, it was like he had no will left.
It’s been a few weeks since Sam came with Eileen and the kids because he was afraid to find his brother drunk, or his house a total mess. Last time they came together to visit, Dean managed to work 12 hours a day at the garage; only coming back to drink a couple beers and doze off on the couch 20 minutes later. Seeing the kids seemed to help at first, when they were babies. Eileen was always on board to come and see him, she’d tried to talk to him, she’d been friendly, caring, supportive and never judged him for his lifestyle or the condition of his home. But lately, Dean’s seemed to be running away, pretending he forgot that they were coming. He always had work to do, he needed sleep. All excuses seemed handy to avoid spending much time with them when they were at his place, even though he’d never refused them to come. He couldn’t refuse anything to Sam, anyway.
- I’m worried Dean…can we at least talk without you joking about it or…
- ‘m a grown ass guy Sammy, don’t need my little brother to worry about me.
The voice was sharp, defensive. That “Big Brother” status was a strong and opaque armor that Dean put on one day and never took off. When they were younger, it was probably a matter of life and death, yeah. Now they were both adults, Sam would have preferred them to be just brothers, without hierarchy of any kind. Close siblings, with a deep connection and an unshakable trust in each other would have been perfect. Boy, he would have done anything to get Dean out of this downward spiral. He should have tried earlier, but he always thought that Dean would find his own way, when he’d be done helping him. Sam was now married for 6 years, they had two kids, that should be enough for Dean to consider him settled. He knew his brother was a great guy, smart, witty, funny, caring in his own gruff way (when he wasn’t totally soaked in beer).
But nothing seemed to work, not the sweet talks, not the loud fights, not Eileen’s genuine concern, not the AA brochures. Nothing.
- Maybe you should…try to meet people, make some new friends. You’re too lonely in here, and…
- Yeah great idea. Let’s go find myself a nice little wifey. She could make me burgers and clean my greasy overalls while I’m getting wasted.
- …
- What Sammy ? Don’t like being called out as a big macho guy ?
- That’s not what I meant; you know that. I’m just saying that going out more and having someone close could help you to…get through this difficult time. It could help you find the will to…I don’t know, get your life on tracks.
If looks could kill, Sam would probably be dead right now. Maybe not dead. Just pined to the wall by the skin and agonizing slowly. The worst wasn’t the look though, it was the twisted grin.
- Well, from where I stand it ain’t no “difficult time”. It’s just my life.
Sam breathed through his nose, twice. That was it. That was the tipping point. There was no more telling himself Dean would get better. It was obvious the situation was getting out of hand and he was out of reasonable reasons to excuse him. It was probably obvious for everyone for a long time but…Damn, that was though to admit that he was helpless there. He knew for years that Dean had unhealthy habits that slowly shifted to a strong drinking problem. And the more he saw him, the worse it was. No matter how painful it was, he had to get his shit together and do something.
- Eileen’s pregnant.
His brother blinked, unsettled by the change of subject.
- What ? …. Well…His tone was careful, wondering if there was a trap somewhere. Congrats, I guess ?
- You…You won’t see the baby, Dean. Neither Allison and Ashley. Nor Eileen. You’re drifting, I don’t want them to see you like this, and we’re worried about the kid’s safety.
It was so much harder than he thought. He played this conversation in his head multiple times and it was already tough but the live action…man, that was a living hell. He wished that the first honest expression he saw on his brother’s face in weeks wasn’t intense pain, but here they were. When Dean opened his mouth, he was barely audible, as if he had no more air left in his lungs.
- You little shit. You have no right.
- I’ll keep coming to see you, but you must accept help, from me, from anyone you want. But you must do something about this.
- I’ve paid for your fucking college, you son of a bitch, I WORKED MY BALLS OFF TO HELP YOU BUY A HOUSE, HOW COULD Y-
- I would give everything back in a blink to see you bett-
Dean’s wrath exploded.