Work Text:
When Ben finally blinks awake, the first thing he’s aware of is the lack of warmth next to him. He’s gotten used to it, after all this time- waking up with that warmth next to him has become a regular thing, just another part of his life so when he wakes up without it there, something like that old loneliness shoots through him. He shrugs it off, thinking that the likely answer is that Oliver has woken up and that Callum’s just gone to deal with him, or that Lexi’s had a nightmare or something and he’s left Ben to sleep, since he’d been working till late last night. Plus it’s Callum’s day off and he knows that now the other man is on call a lot - what with being a paramedic in training - he likes to spend as much time as possible with the little ones.
So he’s not angry, at all- just yearning for that warmth and that comfort and that feeling that he gets when Callum wraps his arms around him first thing in the morning. It’s a yearning for that feeling of pure love that Ben’s not sure he’ll ever quite get used to.
He sighs and drags himself out of bed so that he can go and find Callum, whatever he’s got up to.
Except once he gets to the door of the living room, he stops where he is, because he just has to watch the scene as he finds it.
Because Callum’s stood at the window in his pyjamas, Lexi sitting on the windowsill next to him and Oliver in his arms, watching as more snow than Ben can remember having in years falls just outside.
“It’s so pretty!” Lexi says, her voice pure awe. “Can we go out in it, please?”
Callum laughs, and Ben gets the feeling that that’s not the first time Lexi’s asked that. “Let’s just wait until your dad wakes up, yeah? Then we can all go out there together.”
“Can we take Oli?” Lexi says excitedly.
“Yeah, sure darlin’, just need to get him all wrapped up,” Callum replies, and then shifts, so that Oliver’s face looks towards the window, even from where he is wrapped up in his arms. “Can you see it Oli? All that pretty snow?”
Callum leans towards the window a little more and Oliver reaches a hand out to touch the window, and then laughs, this sweet little laugh that Ben will never tire of hearing, because it’s just this solid reminder of the life he’s got here, right in that little sound. Maybe that’s weird, but it’s all he can think about.
“Is it cold mate? Yeah?” Callum says, taking Oli’s little hand in between his fingers and rubbing it gently. “Just wait ‘till we get outside, it’ll be even colder out there. But then we can get you all wrapped up in the winter stuff that Daddy brought you, you’ll be all cozy and warm.”
“Oh, I wanna make a snowman!” Lexi shouts, almost bouncing up and down where she’s sat and it reminds Ben so much of when she was younger, because she’s almost 11 now, and fuck, he’s getting old.
“Oh, that’s a great idea Lex,” Callum smiles. “What do you think, Oli? Shall we build a snowman?”
(He probably won’t admit it, but Ben’s noticed how Callum does this thing where he talks to Oli about absolute nonsense, asks him questions even though he can’t answer and secretly he thinks it’s the sweetest thing he’s ever seen the man do. He’d been so worried about being a dad, even after basically being a dad to Lexi for so long, but he’s a natural, really- Ben tells him that all the time.)
“I think he said yes,” Lexi says, and Callum laughs, so much so that Oliver joins in with them and Ben can’t not be involved any longer.
“What’s going on here then?” Ben says, just stepping into the room and it’s probably clear from the smile that he can’t bear to try and hide that he’s been watching for a while. Callum turns around to look at him, a gentle smile on his face.
“Morning, sleepy head,” he says, leaning forward as if he’s waiting for Ben to walk forward and kiss him. He starts towards Callum, but Lexi gets there first, barreling into him.
“Dad, it’s snowing!” She says, bouncing up and down even as she’s got her arms around him. “Cal said we had to wait to go out in it but you’re awake now so let’s go!”
“Alright, princess, hold your horses,” Ben laughs, shuffling forward even as Lexi’s still stuck to him so that he can place a little kiss to Callum’s lips, then leans down a little so that he’s closer to Oli. “And good morning to you, little man.”
“He slept well last night,” Callum says, rocking him just a little in a way that makes Oliver start to laugh again, and reach out a hand towards Ben.
(His hand wraps around two of Ben’s fingers and he wants to cry .)
“He didn’t wake up till about half 5, I’ve been up with him since then. You looked like you could do with the sleep.”
“Mm, see that is why you’re the best,” Ben says, then leans forward to kiss Callum again. Oli laughs as it happens, and Lexi makes a noise behind them, something like eeew .
“Oh come on , I wanna go outside!” Lexi says, pouting.
“Right, go and get some clothes on then, and wrap up warm alright? Then we can go out,” Ben says. Lexi cheers triumphantly and races up the stairs.
“How long were you stood there for then?” Callum asks, eyebrows raised and a cheeky little smile on his face.
“Shut up, I like watching you with these two,” Ben says, thumb rubbing gently over Oliver’s delicate skin. “You’re a great dad, you know?”
Callum blushes and rolls his eyes. “Stop it.”
Ben shakes his head. “Nope, I’m never gonna stop, not until you believe it.”
Callum looks back at him, this look on his face that he recognises because he’s thought it too many times himself- how can this really be their life?
It feels impossible, and he feels impossibly lucky that he has it.
“I love you,” Callum says, voice quiet and sincere.
“I love you too, babe,” Ben replies, bringing a hand up to stroke over Callum’s cheek. “Right, well, we better start getting dressed before Lexi throws a riot.”
Callum laughs. “Yeah, yeah that’s probably a good idea. You wanna take Oli and I’ll go and get dressed and get something for him to put on?”
“Yeah, sure,” Ben says, arms out as Callum passes Oliver to him. “Ain’t gonna turn down some time with my little man.”
Oliver laughs up at him when Ben takes him in his arms and it makes Ben’s heart race impossibly harder, because this, this is just exactly what he’s always wanted with Callum.
About half an hour later ( much to Lexi’s distaste, if the frantic calls of are you ready yet every five minutes are anything to go by) they finally get out into the street, where it feels like half the square have had the same idea. It’s nice like this, and it all feels happy - it’s not like they get a lot of that around Albert Square, so it always puts this funny feeling of warmth in his chest when they get something like this. As much as there are people around here that he doesn’t get on with, they all deserve a break.
“You alright?” Callum says quietly, right next to him and he realises he’s stopped for a minute, taking it all in.
“Yeah, yeah,” he replies, turning so that he can place a gentle kiss on Callum’s lips and they taste like love, and the nutella that he’s probably had for breakfast. As soon as he pulls away he’s helpless to the way his eyes search all over Callum’s face, taking in the way his eyes sparkle with this childish kind of excitement and the way there are already snowflakes clinging onto his hair. He looks ethereal , and he’s so damn lucky .
He tries to say it but finds that he can’t find the words - he’s not sure there are words for quite what he’s feeling right now. Callum nods anyway like he understands and that’s the important thing.
Ben gets pulled back to the present by a small hand hitting against his chin, and he’s reminded of the kid that’s caught between them.
“Oh! Look at you, ain’t you cute!” he says, pressing a kiss to Oliver’s forehead. He’s dressed up in this snowsuit that he’d bought the other day because it’s blue with cars on it and he just couldn’t resist. There’s a call of Daaaad from behind them and Callum laughs when his eyes settle on something over Ben’s shoulder.
“You wanna take him?” he says.
“‘Course,” Ben replies, and he’s not sure when it happened - when he became so obsessed with being a dad over almost anything else - but he certainly doesn’t ever want it to change.
Callum passes Oliver over into his arms and the little boy clings onto him immediately. He’s such a cuddly kid and it satisfies something in him. He’s always carried this sort of guilt that he didn’t get to know Lexi when she was this age, that there must have been days like this that he missed because he wasn’t around. It feels like Oliver soothes some of that guilt, because he can’t change who he was but he can be a better man now.
“Dada,” Oliver mutters and there’s a burst of contentment that runs right through him, shoots across his spine and settles in his heart.
“I’m right here, baby,” he replies, and Oliver smiles this wide smile right back up at him. “You wanna go play in the snow?”
“S’ow!” he says excitedly.
“Getting there, kiddo. You almost got it,” Ben laughs, stroking the soft skin just under his chin. “You wanna go see your Daddy?”
“Dada!” Oliver shouts again, a hand shooting out towards where Callum and Lexi are stood right in the middle of the square, already balling up piles of snow.
“Alright, baby. Let’s go then,” he smiles, because it’s literally impossible not to around the little boy.
“Dada! Dada!” he starts laughing, little hands reaching out as soon as they get closer. Callum must hear, because he looks up straight away and smiles back at the two of them. Oliver wriggles where he’s held in Ben’s arms, reaching out towards Callum.
“You wanna show Dada how well you can walk baby?” Ben whispers, loud enough that it catches Lexi’s attention and she gasps, taking her eyes off the snow for a minute. Oliver laughs and claps his hands together, which is as good as a yes from him. Ben drops him down so that little booted feet hit the snow below them, and holds his hands just above him. He stumbles a couple steps forward at a time, laughing towards Callum and Lexi who both crouch down closer to the ground where Oliver’s headed.
In that moment, it’s kind of like something hits him. Watching his son take a couple of shaky steps at a time, when just a couple of months ago he was crawling across the living room floor for the first time. It’s been a feeling that’s been building in Ben’s chest, a sort of warmth like a fire that’s always burning. It’s not a rage, not like it used to be - it’s not angry or fuelled by fear or by the thought of everything he should be. It’s a burning contentment, like the gentle roaring of a fireplace at the end of the night when everything’s kind of hazy and happy.
It’s something that feels unfamiliar, yet somehow exactly what he’s always been searching for. it ‘s the feeling of coming home, of realising that he can settle into this normal, perfect little life. Because there will always be the thought that he doesn’t deserve something normal like this, not after all he’s done. But he’s a better man now.
He thinks maybe, this life has made him a better man. This little world that he’s created with Callum. It’s a quiet epiphany, in the middle of it all and he’s never wanted anything but this.
There’s a certain beauty in this kind of quiet life, he’s starting to realise.
Callum cheers the minute that Oliver falls into him, picks him up in strong arms and swings him around while Lexi laughs. It’s like an impulse, a mindless thing because he just has to - he walks across the snow and presses a kiss to Callum’s lips, one hand coming up to just rest at the base of his neck. The other hand finds one of Callum’s, where it’s hooked around Oliver in his arms. His thumb traces over the cold metal that sits around his fourth finger, grounding himself in the feeling of it and everything that it entails. Sometimes, things get too much and he always comes back to this- the promise that stands on both of their fingers, encased in solid silver.
The moment’s broken when something cold hits his back, impact shattering whatever it is and sending snow running down the back of his neck.
“Oi!” he shouts, pulling away quickly to find Lexi standing behind him, a mischievous grin on her face and another snowball in her hands. “Right, trouble. You wanna start that?”
“Didn’t do nothing!” she calls back, fake-innocent smile across her face that Callum always says she’s inherited from him.
“Course you didn’t,” Ben replies. They stand in a stalemate for a minute, Oliver laughing behind them from where he’s held in Callum’s arms. It’s broken when Lexi throws the next snowball and it hits him square in the chest, before she’s running away laughing.
It ends with the both of them covered almost head to toe in snow, but the burning joy in Ben’s chest is more than enough to keep him warm.