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When Alec had first come to Valentine’s ship, he had tried to keep track of the days. Getting the Promise rune burned onto his right wrist hadn’t hurt as much as when Valentine had insisted he get the Circle tattoo done on his neck, on the opposite side of his deflect rune. The physical pain had been brief, but Alec could no longer stand to look at himself in the mirror.
Alec had expected Valentine to be a demanding general to serve and he was. He was determined to improve Alec’s fighting skills in all areas and wanted him to use blades like Jace instead of his bow. Needless to say, Alec didn’t perform up to Valentine’s expectations which meant he was told to repeat the task he had been given over and over and over again. The lack of sleep and sheer exhaustion made Alec feel lightheaded, a bit detached from himself. He secretly liked that feeling; it made it easier to face each new day.
What little time Alec had to himself he dreamt of Jace and Magnus. Dreamt of them safe, of him together with them. He imagined what it would be like to fall asleep nestled between them both instead of in the cold and small bed in the cell he had been given in the lower decks of the ship. Loving them both like this, in secret, in his dreams, was easy. It required no confession and no confrontation. In Alec’s dreams he never risked losing or choosing between them and his secret desires stayed just that; secret.
Valentine never told him his whole plan, only bits and pieces. It made it easier for Alec to focus on the task and do his best. Despite this he was filled with guilt and self-loathing and often overtrained to make amends for that, seeking absolution in the pain. He spent all his time on the lower decks and days and nights blended into one as he never saw natural light. He knew what Valentine was doing. Alec had been taught how to conduct aggressive debriefings….and withstand them. However, a well known fact was that everyone broke eventually.
Valentine had the belief people learned quicker through pain and he was fast to show it. However, whenever Alec did well, he was also quick to praise him. After a while, despite knowing what Valentine was doing, Alec was finding himself enjoying the praise from Valentine. He hated that he felt that way, but he couldn’t deny he longed for it after never getting praise from his parents or instructors.
One thing Valentine never managed to twist was Alec’s position on Downworlders. Alec did whatever he could to spare the prisoners Valentine had on the ship. No matter what tales or examples Valentine gave him of ‘bad’ Downworlders, Alec never once believed the hate.
As time passed Valentine developed a reluctant respect for Alec. They would occasionally eat dinner together, having verbal sparring matches that were both exhausting and exhilarating, pushing both of them to their mental limits. It was like playing chess, but with the fate of the Shadow World in the balance.
When Alec thought of Jace and Magnus he hoped they were safe and happy. Jace would mourn him; he could feel his pain in the bond. Magnus would miss him but surely, they would soon move on, finding far more interesting and worthy partners. Alec though….Alec knew he would carry a touch to them both till he died. He had no illusions regarding his future; the Clave would brand him a traitor and his parents would disown him. He was alone.
Yet in his dreams he had never been freer. In his dreams he was with Jace and Magnus, laughing and joking, just being together, snuggled up on Magnus’ couch while watching one of his Mundane movies or having Magnus magic up breakfast in bed for them all. In his dreams Alec never had to choose, he was never alone. In his dreams he was more than this shell, this secret weapon he had become. In his dreams he was free. He was happy. He was loved.
Alec was unaware that neither Jace nor Magnus had moved on or forgotten him. They had worked together every day trying to find Valentine. Izzy and Clary gave them intel, whereas Jace and Magnus used all their time to look up leads. However, nothing had worked. Izzy had come by often, helping in whatever way she could, determined to see her brother safe.
One night Magnus had suggested Jace spend the night considering he was at the loft every waking moment. That first night, aided by too much drinking in an attempt to forget their worries, they had had sex. The next morning, they had both decided it was just to relieve stress. However, little by little, day by day, Jace spent more and more time at the loft till the day he would spend every night there.
It had been Magnus who had stated the obvious. That he was in love with both Alec and Jace. It made perfect sense to him he told Jace for he was a one soul kind of guy and parabatai shared their souls with each other and hence only together were they truly one soul. Jace was very sexually active but had never found a partner he genuinely loved. His days spent with Magnus looking for Alec had made it clear to him that not only did he truly love Alec and never wanted to part from him, but he loved Magnus too.
With this new insight Magnus and Jace intensified their search, determined to bring Alec home to complete them, heart, body and soul. It took a few months but finally they had a lead on Valentine. As they had suspected he was on a ship. Using all their connections, powers and skills, Magnus and Jace got a possible location for the ship. Finally, they could bring Alec home!