Work Text:
Then
"This place has no furniture."
Bucciarati looked thoughtful at Trish's comment. The new house they had moved into was a bit sparse, needing quite a few necessities. Polpo hadn't used this place in years, so it needed a bit of work.
"Yeah, I've been sleeping on an air mattress for the last two nights," Narancia complained. "Because no one will share a bed!"
"You move way too much," Fugo snarled. "But I agree. We need more furniture. We can't all share one small desk in the office either." It had been difficult with Bruno, Giorno and Fugo all trying to share space, getting in each other's way and mixing up all the paperwork.
Abbacchio walked into the kitchen, a furious scowl on his face. "If I don't get a new mattress, I quit."
"Passione?" Narancia asked, eyes wide.
"Life," Abbacchio grunted back.
Bucciarati sighed. "Okay, I guess it is time we should go furniture shopping then."
"Yes!" Trish said excitedly, clapping her hands. "Can I redecorate my room?"
"Of course you can," Bruno told her with a smile. "I think everyone should get the chance to do that since we finally have a place to call home. In fact, I just got this in the mail the other day."
Bruno went to his desk (er, the singular desk) and pulled out a thick catalogue.
"IKEA?" Mista asked. "Isn't that that Swedish company?"
"Yes," Bruno replied, putting the catalogue down in the middle of the table. "Why don't we all look through this and see what we might like, then we can go to the store. They just opened one a couple hours from here."
Everyone spent the rest of the morning pouring over the catalogue. This seemed completely foolproof. Bruno and his famiglia finally felt like they were going to have a place to call home.
~~~~~~~~
Now
"Whoa, this place is huge!" Narancia exclaimed, looking around as they walked into the giant store. "They must have everything in here!"
"Please don't run off," Bucciarati called to him as he started to wander, already distracted.
"Wait, they even have food!" Narancia shouted, pointing at a concession stand near the entrance. "I want frozen yogurt!"
"Everyone, please," Bruno snapped. "Let's shop for what we need first, then we can get something to eat on the way out."
Bruno was ready. He had carefully compiled a list of all the things they had seen in the catalogue that they wanted and a basic idea of the departments everything was supposed to be in, completely organized like a good capo should be.
"Alright," he said in his commanding tone. "Abbacchio, I'm putting you in charge of writing down all the numbers for the items to pick up when we're done." He handed the other man a small pad of paper and tiny pencil. "Giorno and Narancia, take these bags for the smaller things," he handed them two big bags. "And Mista, you're in charge of the cart."
Mista saluted. "Got it."
"Trish, you help me keep an eye out for the things we need," Bucciarati told the girl then turned to everyone else. "Ready? Let's go!"
They marched off through the giant store, everyone looking around in awe.
"Wow, Fugo is really missing out. I don't know why he chose to stay home," Narancia said.
"Well, he did give us his list of things," Giorno said. "We can easily pick them up for him."
"Everything has such funky names," Mista snorted, and he and Narancia started to point stuff out to each other, laughing as they tried to pronounce the Swedish words until Abbacchio growled at them to stop.
Of course, as it turned out, Fugo might have been the lucky one with his decision to stay home.
It all started perfectly fine. Bruno was incredibly organized, after all. They made their way through the various departments, picking up some things and writing down numbers for the ones they would have to pick up in the warehouse.
That was until Giorno found a particularly interesting light that caught his attention. It was one of those things made up of different geometric sections and when you pulled the string, it would open or close, into a different shape.
Giorno stood there, pulling the string over and over again, watching, fascinated by how it moved, thinking it looked like a flower. Even Gold Experience came out to touch it, just as curious as his user.
He was so fascinated by the light, in fact, that the others all moved on to another section before they realized that Giorno wasn't with them.
~~~~~~~
"Hmm, I don't know which color! I really like the red one, but the gold and brown is pretty too."
Trish stood looking through a stack of rugs as Bucciarati helped her try to pick one out.
"Well, you did get that pink comforter. I think the gold would go better with that," he told her.
Trish nodded with a smile. "I agree! It's good to know someone at least has good taste in décor in this house." She cast a disparaging look at the various items that Narancia and Mista had picked up. At least Mista's had seemed to keep to one theme—even if it was that of a 70s porn star. Narancia's… Trish shuddered.
"Giorno needed a rug too," Bruno realized after glancing down at the list. "Giorno, do you like any of these, or have you found something else?"
There was no answer, and, frowning, Bruno looked around the small group, but didn't see the blond teen.
"Where's Giorno?" he demanded.
Abbacchio whipped around, clenching the tiny pencil in a fist. "Are you kidding me? The golden brat got lost?"
"I thought he was right here with us?" Mista said, looking around as if Giorno would suddenly appear out of a stack of rugs.
"When was the last time anyone saw him?" Bruno asked, having been too preoccupied with making sure they got everything on the list to even think of the last time he had seen Giorno.
"He was with us when we got the lamp," Narancia said. "I remember him picking out something for his desk."
Bruno glanced at the desk lamp in the cart.
"That was two sections back!" Abbacchio growled. "How the hell did the kid get lost between there and here? No one has seen him since then?"
Everyone looked down, Bruno sighed and took action.
"Well, he must be somewhere between the two sections. Perhaps he saw something and went to grab it. Abbacchio, Narancia, I want you to go look for him."
"Why can't Mista go?" Abbacchio growled, holding up the tiny notebook.
"Abbacchio, please," Bruno sighed wearily. "Just go find Giorno before he gets more lost."
Abbacchio growled, handing the notebook over to Trish, and stomped off, grabbing Narancia by the shoulder.
"Hey!"
"Let's find the brat and get out of here. I can't believe one of you actually got lost. I thought you were all old enough to know better. Of course it would be Giorno. Should have checked you all into the kiddie playground!"
He continued to grumble as he dragged Narancia off back the way they had come while the others continued further into IKEA.
~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, Giorno's fascination with the light finally waned, leaving him to look around to rejoin the others.
Only to realize they were not, in fact, there. He frowned. Where had they gone so quickly? He looked toward the next section but they weren't there either. How long had he been standing there?
Oh well; surely they would realize he wasn't with them soon enough. If he went to look for then that would only cause more confusion, so he found one of those funny chairs and sat down in it, surprised that it was actually a lot more comfortable than it looked.
However, as the minutes stretched on and still no one came back, Giorno decided that it might be time to go look for them instead. After all, maybe they were the ones who had gotten lost.
~~~~~~~
Abbacchio growled as he searched the areas for any sign of Giorno. He couldn't believe they had to waste extra time looking for a teenager who also just happened to be in charge of a crime syndicate. How did someone like that manage to get lost in a damn furniture store? He should have stayed home with Fugo. Now there was a kid who was smart enough to know he shouldn't come anyway. But then, Fugo was Abbacchio's favorite…
He was so annoyed that he missed Narancia pointing one way and saying. "Look, I think that's him!" until…
Abbacchio turned around after scouring the entire lighting department—assumedly where they had lost Giorno—and was just about to deploy Moody Blues because he at least remembered Giorno picking out the lamp so he should be able to trace him from this spot, when he realized that Narancia was no longer there.
"Narancia!" he bellowed, scaring a woman who was walking past, now walking past a lot faster. Abbacchio didn't have time to feel ashamed though. He could find Narancia nowhere in the department.
"Oh, for—"
~~~~~~~
Bucciarati, Trish and Mista continued on their way efficiently, some stuff going in the cart, and other things getting written down.
"Hey, there you are."
Bruno turned around and his eyes widened to see Giorno walking up to them, his bag still slung over his shoulder.
"Giorno! Where have you been?" Bruno demanded.
The blond blushed slightly. "I lost you, I guess. I was just looking at something and didn't realize you had gone on."
Bruno smiled. "I'm sorry about that, Giorno, I just thought everyone was with the group. But no harm done." He looked around, a frown reappearing. "Where are Narancia and Abbacchio?"
~~~~~~~
Abbacchio cursed as he got low-limbed by a hanging storage net, then tripped over some conglomerate toy/desk contraption before falling into a pile of stuffed animals.
"Abbacchio!"
He wrenched his head up, spitting out fluff and growled, reaching out to grab Narancia by the front of the shirt, hauling him close.
"Where the hell have you been?"
The kid had the grace to look apologetic at least. "Well…I did tell you that I thought I saw Giorno, but you didn't listen. Then when I went to investigate, I realized it was just a lady with a blond braid, and when I turned around, you were gone. Then when I tried to find you, I ended up in here and tripped over that thing like you did. Ack!"
Abbacchio dragged himself to his feet, hauling Narancia up with him, the kid's feet not even touching the floor.
"All right, that's it. I'm taking you back to Bruno and then going to find Giorno myself. That way I'm the only one who can get lost!"
Narancia squeaked as Abbacchio began to drag him back to where he assumed Bruno and the others would be right now.
This was the last 'family shopping trip' he would be taking, that was for damn sure.
~~~~~~~
Bruno checked his watch, wondering where Abbacchio and Narancia were.
"Do you want someone to go after them?" Giorno asked tentatively.
"No," Bruno replied quickly. "There's no point in someone else getting lost. I'll try calling Abbacchio again." He pulled his phone out, but once more, there was no signal. It was really strange how this place seemed to be completely void of cellular service.
He sighed and pushed the cart toward the check out. "We can at least get everything paid for and in the car. If they still don't show up by the time we're done, we can all go search for them."
They headed to the check out with their full cart and pallet. The line seemed incredibly long for just a random week day. Bruno sighed and glanced down at his list again before he took the number sheet from Trish and doubled-checked…
Bruno sighed tiredly. "We forgot the desk for Fugo."
"Well, that's what he gets for not coming with us," Trish said.
"I'll go get it, Bucciarati!" Mista volunteered. "I'll just run back to the warehouse and pick it up."
Bruno gave him a grateful look. "Thank you, Mista, here's the number." He circled the number for the desk and handed Mista the list.
The gunman saluted. "No problem, I'll be back in a jiff." He hurried off, leaving the others still waiting at the check-out.
It was then that Abbacchio stormed back up, hauling a protesting Narancia behind him.
"Abbacchio!" Bucciarati exclaimed.
"There you are," the other man growled, shoving Narancia toward Bruno so hard that he had to catch the boy to keep them both from falling over. "Keep him with you while I go back and…" His eyes then locked onto the blond teen standing behind Bucciarati, and his face darkened with fury. His lip curled. "You…"
He lurched forward, looking like he might just throttle Giorno, but Bruno and Trish grabbed his arms.
"Abbacchio! Enough!" Bucciarati snapped. People were pretending not to stare at them. "Let's just pay for this stuff and go."
"That, at least I can agree with," Abbacchio growled. "I can't believe I let you rope me into this." He looked around, counting heads. "Where is Mista now?" he demanded.
"Oh, he's off in the warehouse. We forgot Fugo's desk and he just went back to pick it up."
"Which desk?" Abbacchio demanded, snatching the list. "I thought we got that?"
"No, we got Giorno's desk, this one was the one Fugo wanted," Bucciarati tapped the number on the list.
That was when he finally looked at the number.
He and Abbacchio just stared at it for a long minute before the silver-haired man growled. "And you sent Mista."
Bruno reached up to rub away a headache that was forming, praying that, just this once, everything would go fine…
~~~~~~~
Mista stared at the paper, cold sweat breaking out on his body as he gulped.
"Do it for Bucciarati," he told himself. "You can do this. Just go in, get it, and get out."
He looked left and right, before approaching the aisle with caution, crouched low as if he were on a covert mission. He felt panic build and he had to stop, pressing his back against one of the shelves as he peeked around the corner, staring the giant section sign that read '4' in the face.
"You can do this…it's just a desk…" Mista whispered to himself, swallowing hard as he stepped around the corner, tiptoeing toward the aisle with the dreaded number on it.
He glanced at the paper again and saw that the number of the item started with 44.
He instantly leapt back. Nope, he couldn't do this. Not today.
But… if he didn't, Fugo would be pissed. And, worse, he'd have to waste Bucciarati's time by going all the way back and getting someone else to do this.
No, Mista had accepted his mission and he would see it through, even if it killed him.
He reached into his boot, feeling the reassuring weight of his pistol before he ventured, once again, unto the breach…
"Hey, you!"
Mista nearly jumped out of his skin, whipping around to see a security guard standing there.
"W-what?" Mista stammered. "Me?"
"Yeah, you. What are you up to? I see you walking around all shady-like! You robbing the place?"
Mista turned around, holding his hands up, but it didn't help that he was sweating buckets and was still looking all over the place, trying to search for anything that might be bad luck.
"You on drugs, son?" the guard asked, stepping forward, narrowing his eyes.
"No!" Mista said firmly. "I am not."
"Hmph. A likely story," the guard said and called something in on his radio. "I'm gonna have to ask you to come with me."
He reached out and grabbed Mista's arm, putting him in handcuffs.
"Hey, hold on a second!" Mista protested. "I'm not stealing! It's just the item I want is on aisle 4! Can you get it for me?"
"You are way off your rocker, buddy," the guard said. "We're gonna have a little chat in the back."
~~~~~~~
Bruno began to get increasingly agitated as they got further in the check-out lane and Mista still didn't appear.
"Something happened," he said certainly.
"He's probably just cowering in a corner working up the courage to grab the item from the stack," Abbacchio said. "I can go after him if you want me to."
At that moment, Sex Pistol #5 flew up to Bucciarati. He was crying.
"Bucciaratiii! Mista's being dragged off by security!"
"What?!"
Bruno turned to the others. "Stay here, I'll go see what's going on."
He hurried off, following #5 as the Pistol led the way to where Bruno saw Mista being dragged off, protesting, by two security guards, now threatening him with tasers.
"Hey!" he shouted. "What's going on here?"
"Bucciarati! I'm so glad to see you! These guys won't listen to me!" Mista cried.
Bruno pinned the guards with a glower. "Do you know who I am?" he demanded.
They paled but shook their heads.
"I'm Bruno Bucciarati, a Capo from Passione. If you want to keep your jobs, release my man now."
Handcuffs clattered to the floor courtesy of Sticky Fingers and the guards leapt back, bowing. "Yes, Signore, so sorry for the inconvenience!"
They beat a hasty retreat as Mista grinned, heading toward Bruno, rubbing his wrists as #5 grabbed onto his hat gratefully.
"Thanks, Bruno. That was pretty awesome."
Bruno didn't reply, simply pressed his lips into a thin line and grabbed Mista by the shoulder steering him out of the warehouse.
~~~~~~~
By the time they got to the entrance, the others had already checked out and were waiting for them.
"Mista, you didn't die!" Narancia exclaimed.
"Let's go," Bucciarati snapped.
"You know, I should have known this wouldn't turn out," Mista said. "IKEA has four letters in it after all."
"Don't," Bruno jabbed a finger at him and Mista shut up.
Trish had a smug look on her face. "Well, I didn't get in trouble."
They were all silent for a long moment before Narancia piped up. "Can we still get frozen yogurt?"
~~~~~~~
Fugo stood there with his arms crossed after listening to all of them recount the events of their trip, staring at the pile of stuff they had bought, the countless flat-pack furniture that they would now have to figure out how to put together.
"So, let me get this straight," he said slowly. "After all of that, you still didn't get my desk?!"
"They do deliver," Bruno told him wearily.
