Chapter Text
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]
CG: OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
TG: geex
TG: sumbodys crabby
TG: thats leik ur whole deal rite
TG: geez** like**
CG: PLEASE STOP THIS RIGHT NOW.
CG: GOD KNOWS HOW YOUR MOM IS GOING TO REACT ONCE SHE FINDS OUT I’VE TALKED TO YOU.
TG: dirk said u never talked 2 her
CG: SHE KEEPS TO HERSELF.
TG: then wats the bdf
TG: bfd
CG: LOOK, I SAID ROSE, BUT I MEANT DAVE.
CG: SINCE HE WILL BE THE ONE TO BE GIVING ME SECOND HAND SHIT AFTER HE HIMSELF JUST HAD SHIT SHOVED INTO HIS FLESHY WINDHOLE.
TG: gross lol
TG: why wldnt my mom just hand deliver u the shit directly
TG: cut out the middle man u kno
CG: I COULDN’T HAZARD A GUESS AS TO WHAT SHE IS THINKING. HER STRATAGEMS ARE AS OPAQUE AS THE THIGHSOCKS OF ZAZZILEFAN.
CG: BUT I GET THE IMPRESSION THAT SHE HAS THINGS IN MIND AS A CERTAIN ORDER.
TG: dont i kno it
TG: considerin how u were all part of the same fuckin rebellion
TG: and ive never even talked to dirk until we both took a non consensual 2 century nap in the gentle embrace of some bullshit magic flower
TG: even tho our parents were sibs and again
TG: part of the same honkin ass lickin rebellion so thats weird
TG: weird how even tho i had the chance of a normal childhood lalonde senior deemed that i be sequestered away instead
TG: some weirdass stratagems indeed
TG: super weird
TG: also hs zazzerpan
CG: WHAT’S WRONG WITH WHOSE PAN?
TG: lol nvm
TG: so like… whats good crabman
TG: me im just casual
TG: like just casually messaging one of my only friend’s dad in an unprecedented way with no ulreitr movies
TG: ulterior motives**
CG: I’LL TELL YOU THE SAME THING I TELL DIRK EVERY TIME HE IGNORES ME AND TALKS TO US: THAT WE CAN’T HELP YOU.
TG: i need u to help me talk to my mom
CG: HELLO? ARE YOU READING THIS? CAN YOU SEE THESE GRAY WORDS ON YOUR SCREEN?
TG: look she might listen to you
TG: she doesnt even read my messages
CG: SHE DOES. I’M 100% SURE THAT SHE DOES.
TG: that just kinda makes everything worose
TG: worse**
TG: cant you just give it a shot? im sure shed listen to you more than she would me
CG: HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK THAT.
CG: ROSE IS THE MOST PARANOID PERSON ON THIS EARTH.
CG: AND THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING.
CG: I’VE NEVER MET HER, EVER.
CG: BY THE TIME THE SHIT WITH THE CONDESCE HIT THE FAN, SHE WAS ALREADY LOCKED UP IN HER HOUSE TIGHTER THAN THE BATTERWITCH'S SECRET RECIPE VAULT.
TG: i just want to talk to her once
TG: is that so much to ask
TG: i miss her why doesnt she get that
CG: LOOK, I’M SORRY YOU’RE GOING THROUGH ALL THIS ALONE. BUT, I CAN TELL YOU THIS, ROSE WOULD NEVER WANT TO HURT YOU.
TG: sure
CG: I MEAN IT
CG: EVERYTHING SHE DOES, SHE DOES IT FOR YOU. SHE DOES IT FOR YOUR FUTURE. THERE’S REALLY NO ROOM FOR MISTAKES HERE WITH WHAT WE’RE DOING
CG: AND WE’VE MADE MISTAKES, BELIEVE ME
CG: BUT ROSE IS TRYING TO MAKE THE RIGHT MISTAKES
TG: the right mistakes
TG: so refusing to talk to me for half a decade
CG: I KNOW IT DOESN’T MAKE MUCH SENSE BUT SHE WOULD ONLY DO THAT IF SHE THOUGHT IT WAS NECESSARY
CG: THE LAST THING SHE WANTS TO DO IS HURT YOU
TG: o yeah that means so much to me
CG: …
TG: sorry
TG: im sure youre a nice crab man
CG: I’M NOT A CRAB.
TG: but its hard not to get upset that dirk still gets to talk to u guys while i cant get a peep out of my mom
CG: YOU KNOW, I’VE LOST A LOT OF FRIENDS TO THIS ULTIMATELY FUTILE WAR
CG: GOOD FRIENDS WHO I’VE KNOWN FOR SWEEPS AND SWEEPS
CG: SOME OF THEM YOU COULD CONSIDER FAMILY BY YOUR HUMAN TERMS
TG: crab man :(
CG: CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT? TROLLS WITH FAMILIES?
TG: im guessin by ur tone that would be p wild
CG: IT WOULD BE
CG: IT’S WHAT ALL OF US WANT
CG: TROLLS HAVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR CENTURIES, ALL FOR A CHANCE OF JUST THAT
CG: THAT FUCKING ATROCIOUS KELP CHOMPING MONSTROISITY OF A PERSON WHO CALLS HERSELF EMPRESS WOULD HAVE US ALL KILL EACH OTHER
CG: THAT’S WHAT SHE’S BEEN DOING
CG: THERE WAS NO ROOM FOR FAMILY ON HER ALTERNIA
CG: IT’S AWFUL THAT YOU CAN’T BE WITH YOURS
CG: MY FRIENDS LOST THEIR LIVES FIGHTING FOR THEIR FREEDOM AND FIGHTING FOR SOMETHING THEY’LL NEVER GET TO SEE
CG: AND I LIVED SO THEIR DREAMS DON'T DIE
CG: I KNOW THAT WHEN THE CONDESCE IS DEAD I WON’T BE AROUND TO SEE IT
CG: EVERY LIFE LOST TO HER WE HAVE TO SHOULDER, AND SO WHEN WE ARE GONE IT GOES ON
CG: UNTIL SHE FINALLY BREAKS UNDER ALL THAT WEIGHT
CG: EVEN IF YOU LOSE SOMEONE EVERYTHING THEY ARE AND WHAT YOU CARE TO KEEP IS STILL WITH YOU
CG: ROSE IS GONE BUT YOU STILL CARRY HER
TG: and thats really nice of you to share your tragic backstory
TG: but sorry im still sad
CG: AT THE RISK OF SOUNDING LIKE A RAGING ASSMUFFIN, THAT’S FINE.
CG: TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST I THINK THAT ROSE IS BEING A DOUCHEMAYO GUZZLING SHITBURGER BY NOT ANSWERING YOU.
TG: hey :(
CG: SORRY.
CG: BUT SHE'S DOING IT BECAUSE SHE THINKS IT WILL PROTECT YOU, AND I CAN'T BLAME HER FOR FEELING THAT WAY.
TG: yeah
TG: i guess i cant either
CG: SORRY, KID.
TG: its k
TG: i feel better now tho
TG: how mad would u be if i talked to you again
TG: just 4 a lil bit
CG: DO WHAT EVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. APPARENTLY I WAS PUT ON THIS EARTH NOT TO FEND OFF THE CONDESCE BUT TO SAINTLY LISTEN TO THE WOES OF TWO WHINY TEENAGERS WHO WON’T LEAVE ME ALONE.
TG: thanks crab man :DDDD
CG: STOP CALLING ME THAT.
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]