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It had been 15 minutes since the live show had abruptly ended and Dan felt like pacing. He was cursing himself for having such a big mouth, mentally cringing as he relived this week’s relationship slip up that just happened to mention marriage.
He knew Phil didn’t judge him for his fears of commitment, but he couldn’t help his heart sinking slightly as he saw his boyfriend’s eyes fall at the comment, clearly shining with panic as he saw Twitter begin to respond.
Dan knew Phil wanted marriage and commitment more than anything, and as much as Dan joked about their differences, he felt heavy just thinking about the fact that he couldn’t give that to him, not yet anyway.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost Danny.” Phil chuckled, desperately trying not to fall over the boxes as he made his way into the living room with two glasses of water. “On second thoughts I should have asked you to get the drinks.” He moaned, stumbling with the glass shakily in hand.
Dan was too in his head, Phil was upset, he could tell. Why did he keep throwing their private life out online after Phil had played by his rules for the last decade.
“Hey, Dan, sit down you spork, you’re literally staring at the wall.”
At that comment Dan shifted round, pocketing his phone and ignoring the tumblr comments ranting about how Phil deserved better.
He did. This was true.
“What a live show hey?” Phil rolled his eyes, patting the seat next to him with a smirk. “If you worked for the MI6 secrets department you’d be fired after that display.” He chuckled, his hand cheekily squeezing the younger boy’s thigh.
“M’sorry.” Dan mumbled, his gaze now absently on his hands rather than his boyfriend’s baby blues. “The whole marriage thing, I got carried away on a joke, I don’t know why I brought it up.”
“You brought it up twice, they are gonna think you’re more prettified of commitment than I do.” Phil was teasing, he nudged Dan’s arm playfully, but he didn’t get the sarcastic reply he was hoping for. Only a few minutes ago Dan was on an extroverted high, and now he seemed to be in his head again, as if the world was imploding and he had outed the pair of them online.
“Hey, Danny, what’s going on in there? You good?” Phil reached over now, cupping his boyfriend’s flushed cheeks . “Don’t go quiet on me now, I need you to order the food!”
He received a small chuckle from Dan at his remark, but his anxiety loomed as Dan stood up abruptly, cursing under his breath with watery eyes as he proceeded to trip against a box.
“Careful you idiot, you’re turning into me.” Phil went to grab his arm, but Dan shook it off. “Dan?”
“I’m just popping out, I’ll be back soon.” Dan sniffed hastily, ripping his jacket from the rail with sweaty palms.
“What do you mean you’re going out? Danny what about the-“ Phil didn’t have chance to finish as Dan stormed towards the door, keys and wallet in tact as Phil spun his head around just in time to hear it slam. “What about the food.” He whispered under his breath.
//
It had been an hour, and with no reply to his 4 text messages, Phil sat defeated on the sofa, his own tears swelling as he proceeded to scroll through their social channels. He saw numerous fans blowing up the marriage comment, either debating whether it was on the cards, or whether he deserved better than a commitment phobe. He shook his head at the extravagant theories, gulping as his brain clicked onto why his boyfriend was spiralling.
Dan was overthinking this, like he overthought everything and Phil needed to find him before this went any further.
He went to grab his coat, cautious not to make the same mistake as Dan as he manoeuvred himself around their charity box, and down to the shoe rack. It was as he was slipping on his trainers that the door creaked open, revealing Dan’s hunched figure, two plastic bags and tear streaked cheeks, still a pink blush colour to match his puffy red eyes.
“Dan! You’re back?” Phil rushed over to the doorstep, guiding him in as he picked up the bags. “I was just coming out to find you.”
Dan stood defeated, and did nothing but stare at his boyfriend with teary eyes as Phil studied his frozen cheeks. He barely reacted as Phil looped off his jacket for him, before opening his arms.
“C’mere bear, what’s wrong?” He felt Dan fall into him, his hand rushing to rub his back as he felt him sniffle against his shoulder. “Hey, hey baby don’t cry, what’s happened, look at me, Dan?”
Dan pulled away, wiping his fallen tears with the sleeves of his shirt before hiccuping as he took a deep breath. He looked Phil in the eyes, his heart swelling as he stared into his concerned orbs, and shook his head feeling his body fill with sobs once again as he buried his face into his hands.
“Hey now, there’s no need for all these tears, come on, it’s ok sweetheart, let’s sit down.” Phil looped his arm around Dan, leading him to the couch with a sympathetic smile. He frowned as Dan hunched in on himself, taking short breaths. “Come on Dan, deep breaths, that’s it, try to calm down baby.” He took his hands, massaging his palms softly as he proceeded to hyperventilate.
“Dan I know why you’re crying, I’m not mad at you, I’m not mad I promise.” Phil spoke as calmly as he could, bringing Dan’s shakily fingers to his lips to peck. “Come on Danny, you were having such a good day today, let’s not let one comment ruin it.”
“B-But t-they’re r-right” he hiccuped, desperately trying to even his breaths. “W-what if I-I can’t g-give you m-marriage, y-you deserve-“
“I deserve you Dan, and you deserve me, marriage or no marriage.” Phil hastily cut in, using his free hand that wasn’t squeezing Dan’s to pick up his chin, cupping his teary face in his palms.
Dan was still sniffling, but he still shook his head.
“No come on, get out of your head for a second Howell, listen to me.” Phil was more stern this time. “Marriage is just a piece of paper, you’ve committed to me, that’s what matters baby, you’ve committed to me for over a decade, and we have just signed to have the most beautiful house. If marriage takes a bit longer, or isn’t something you want to do, that’s alright Dan, you know that don’t you.”
“B-But y-you want marriage P-Phil.” Dan whimpered, his breaths shaky. “I-I want you to b-be happy, I s-shouldn’t be joking about I-it online, I saw y-your face when I made the comment I-I-“
“No Dan I want you. If that means marriage, great, if it doesn’t, also great. As long as I have you, that’s the only commitment I need.” Phil could feel himself welling up, but he giggled it off. “You have the mouth of a fog horn and love to get away with yourself on these live shows, but that doesn’t make me mad you spoon, what does make me mad is that it’s nearly 11pm and we haven’t had take out yet.”
That final comment made Dan chuckle, shaking his head as he once again dried his tears. “What did I do to deserve you Phillip Lester?”
“The same thing I did to deserve you, exist, you wally.” Phil rolled his eyes as his boyfriend continued to berate himself and pulled him into his chest. “Gimme a little cuddle, I’m wasting away without my Indian takeaway, I need warmth.” This made Dan smirk, and he gracefully accepted Phil’s embrace, cuddling up to his chest as Phil pecked his hair.
“Better?” Phil smiled.
“Better.” Dan hummed.
With that Phil’s stomach rumbled violently, causing Dan to sit up and start laughing. Phil rolled his eyes, patting his belly with a sulky smirk.
“See! I told you! It thought it was getting popadoms!” He whined into Dan’s arm. “Where did you even go when you went out.”
This time it was Dan’s turn to smirk, standing up from the sofa to retrieve the bags that had been left on the floor.
“I thought I had upset you so I went guilt food shopping.”
Phil felt the bag land on his lap, his eyes widening as he pulled out the most obscure sweet treats he had seen since his Christmas sweet box he had nibbled on from Dan.
“Oh my god my stomach loves you as much as I do right now!” Phil beamed. “It’s a pure sugar dinner Danny, let’s get ready not to sleep tonight.”
Dan rolled his eyes, plonking himself down next to his excitable boyfriend who had already tucked into the gold bar. He pressed a kiss to his cheek and nuzzled in.
“I love you so much Phil, you sugar freak.”