Archive of Our Own ^beta

"Oh, l was just another notch in your bedpost?" Anakin bit out, snatching his belt from the floor and securing it around his waist. The collar of his undetunic was not set properly, revealing a darkening bruise Obi-Wan had left there last night. "I suppose I should have seen this coming when I woke up and you were gone."

It was not a physical hit, but it landed like one, and only the years of training made it possible for Obi-Wan not to flinch. Or take a step back; away from the pain and resentment that were etched onto Anakin's features, bleeding freely into the Force around him.

Not that it would have helped. Or lessened the burden of guilt and regret, weighing heavily inside Obi-Wan's chest.

"That is not true," Obi-Wan snapped, his words coming out harsher than he intended. "Not even remotely."

Anakin's eyes narrowed in response, lighting up with anger that has always come far too easily to him. Anger that, in this instance, was nothing more than hurt given another form.

"And what is true, then?" Anakin demanded. He glanced briefly at the large bed - the only piece of furniture in the room - then back at Obi-Wan, defiance doing little to mask the ache in his gaze. "If I am not just another conquest, what am I?"

Obi-Wan looked away, clenching his jaw against the words that he could not say. Some truths, Obi-Wan knew, should never be revealed. Some truths were more devastating than any lie.

Obi-Wan forced himself to meet Anakin's gaze steadily. It was not an easy accomplishment. "You are my dearest friend, my brother," Obi-Wan said, his voice wavering only slightly on the last word. "And my former Padawan."

"But not a lover," Anakin said after a moment of silence, his voice quiet. It sent a shiver of dread down Obi-Wan's spine. "Not for more than one night, at least." Anakin paused, his mouth curving into a smile that cut like a knife. "Tell me, was I that bad?"

This time Obi-Wan could not stop himself from flinching. For one moment, he found himself searching for words - something, anything - that would mend what he had broken last night, and failing miserably.

"What happened last night," Obi-Wan said, careful to keep his voice calm and steady. "Should never have happened."

"Why?" Anakin demanded, taking a step forward. His eyes gleamed with fierce determination. "You wanted it. I wanted it. So why shouldn't it have happened?" An expression that was half desperate and half hopeful twisted his features. "Why can't it happen again?"

Obi-Wan swallowed, his eyes drifting shut briefly.

Because I wanted it too much. Because I still do. Because it's you.

"We are at war, Anakin," Obi-Wan said finally. It was the truth, but not the only truth. Hardly the most important one. Just the safest one. "Sleeping together would only complicate things."

A myriad of emotions passed across Anakin's face, until there was nothing there but bitter resentment. And durasteel walls barring him from Obi-Wan in the Force.

"So I am just a complication to you," Anakin stated. He shook his head, snorting derisively. "I think I would prefer my original assumption. At least the company would be better."

Without another word or a glance, Anakin strode out of the room, the door sliding shut behind him almost soundlessly. 

Obi-Wan forced back the urge to go after Anakin, to fix what he'd broken because he had been too weak to fight against both himself and Anakin. Because he didn't want to deny himself what he had wanted for so long. 

Sighing, Obi-Wan sat on the edge of the bed. The covers were still rumpled, still smelled of Anakin, of him.

Of them, together.

Obi-Wan bowed his head, squeezing his eyes shut, but the images from last night would not leave him alone.

Images of Anakin's hand on the side of his face, of the question in Anakin's eyes as he slowly leaned forward, stopping a hair's breadth away from Obi-Wan's lips.

And Obi-Wan wished - stupidly, hopelessly, futilely - that he could turn back the time to that moment, and stop himself from closing the distance between them and kissing Anakin.

Thus ruining the most important relationship of his life. Because he had been too weak. Because he had wanted too much. 

And wanted still.

***

Giving Anakin time resolved nothing. It merely proved how stubborn he could be, holding onto slights like one would do with cherished memories.  

Well. It also proved how essential he was in Obi-Wan's life.

His absence felt like a black hole, slowly leeching warmth and light out of Obi-Wan's life, until both seemed like an echo of an almost forgotten dream.

***

"Master, may I ask you a question?"

Obi-Wan swallowed a sigh. Even discounting the slight hesitation in Ahsoka's voice and her obvious concern, Obi-Wan could easily make an educated guess as to the nature of the question. Well. It was bound to happen sooner rather than later. Although, Obi-Wan had expected Yoda to be the first one to ask it.

Obi-Wan gestured at the steps leading up toward a secluded balcony. "Walk with me, Ahsoka."

Ahsoka nodded, a flash of relief passing across her face  "Yes, Master."

Once they had reached the balcony, Obi-Wan leaned against the railing, folding his hands across his chest. "Now, Ahsoka, tell me what is bothering you."

Ahsoka blinked, looking startled for a second. It was gone in the next moment, replaced by concern and determination in equal parts. "It's my Master. I am worried about him," Ahsoka said, coming to stand next to Obi-Wan. "He has not been himself lately." 

Ahsoka gave Obi-Wan a sideways glance, hesitating. 

"Go on," Obi-Wan prompted, the calmness of his voice contrasting the violent churning in his stomach.

Ahsoka closed her fingers around the railing, her shoulders tensing. "Anakin, he-" Ahsoka let out a long breath, then continued in a calmer, but no less concerned voice. "I know he hasn't been sleeping well. Or eating regularly. And he's been moody and impatient. More so than usual. I'm afraid-"

Ahsoka broke off, her concern nearly palpable despite her shields. It was the same sentiment that has burrowed itself deep into Obi-Wan's heart. Only his was intertwined with guilt and longing.

Ahsoka turned to face Obi-Wan fully. "I fear for Anakin, Master Obi-Wan," she said. Her voice didn't waver, despite her inner turmoil. "I know he can take care of himself out on the field, but he's been even more reck-"

Ahsoka cut herself off, glancing away, clearly torn between her worry for Anakin and what she perceived a betrayal of him. 

Obi-Wan felt his mouth curve into a faint smile. Despite Anakin's initial reluctance at having been assigned a Padawan, they were a good match. They always have been. Knowing that Ahsoka was with Anakin has been a sole comfort to Obi-Wan ever since that disastrous morning after their only night spent together.

Obi-Wan pushed himself away from the railing, clasping Ashoka gently by the shoulder.

"Your loyalty to your Master does you credit, Ahsoka," Obi-Wan said. He squeezed her shoulder one last time before pulling away his hand. "You shouldn't feel guilty for coming to me. I know better than anyone how reckless Anakin can be."

Through the combination of skill, daring, and, perhaps, even luck, Anakin has managed to perform feats that not many Jedi could have accomplished. But they were fighting a war - merciless, brutal, and seemingly never ending - and only one mistake, one moment of carelessness or fatigue could cost Anakin his life. 

No matter how skilled and powerful, how cunning and resourceful Anakin was, he was only a man. A mortal man. A fact that Anakin seemed to either forget or ignore most of the time.

Obi-Wan's blood went cold at the thought of the bright, blazing light that was Anakin being gone from the world. 

Taking a long, measured breath, Obi-Wan squashed that thought.

A world without Anakin in it… wasn't a world Obi-Wan wished to contemplate. Let alone witness.

"I will speak with Anakin," Obi-Wan promised. "The first chance I get."

Ahsoka breathed out in relief, tension draining out of her. But not entirely. Her shoulders were still drawn into a stiff line, and her forehead creased into a frown.

"Thank you, Master," Ahsoka said, considering Obi-Wan carefully. "I thought-" Ahsoka trailed off, hesitating. Or merely choosing her next words with more care than Anakin has ever bothered to display. "Has something happened between the two of you?"

A memory rose unbidden from the shadows of Obi-Wan's mind. For just a second, Obi-Wan found himself back on that remote moon, in that bed, kissing away the teasing grin off of Anakin's face as they moved together, Anakin hot and tight around him. 

Obi-Wan pushed the memory away. Back to the dark, far corners of his mind where it belonged. Where it should stay. 

Obi-Wan made himself smile reassuringly. "Just a minor misunderstanding," Obi-Wan said, the lie leaving an ashen taste in his mouth. "Nothing important."

***

Despite his promise to Ahsoka, three weeks had passed until Obi-Wan had managed to get Anakin alone.

Like with most things, Anakin was very good at avoiding being found. Obi-Wan was somewhat surprised Anakin was careless enough to allow Obi-Wan to corner him in his and Ahsoka's quarters. Perhaps he had thought Ahsoka would be there. Or that Obi-Wan wouldn't follow him directly from the Council Chamber, not daring to risk a scene in the heart of the Temple.

Perhaps Anakin had merely underestimated Obi-Wan's determination. 

When the door slid closed behind them, Anakin squared Obi-Wan with a sharp look, his expression as hard as a stone. But not as hard as the shields keeping Obi-Wan out.

"What do you want?" Anakin demanded, rising his chin in challenge. "If you're concerned about the mission, you can quit worrying. I know you're in charge."

Frustration curled in Obi-Wan's stomach. But it was only a pale shadow of the ache that throbbed within the hollow of his chest. 

Obi-Wan ignored both. 

"I am not here to discuss the mission, Anakin," Obi-Wan replied, careful to keep his voice calm. "I know you're more than capable of handling your part."

It was the truth. Their upcoming mission was - at least in theory - fairly straightforward: to escort Senator Amidala to Telerath, and act as her protection as she conducted negotiations with a representative from the Hutt families. Obi-Wan doubted their mission would go without complications. Senator Amidala had a certain propensity for attracting trouble. Throw Anakin and the Hutts into the mix, and… well. Their straightforward mission suddenly sounded more like a disaster in the making.

"Then I don't see what there's to talk about." Anakin's mouth twisted into a bitter smile that cut like a knife. "I thought you didn't want any unnecessary complications."

Obi-Wan had known that this conversation would not be easy. But he had not expected it would hurt quite as much. Anakin stood barely two feet away, but to Obi-Wan it felt like the space between them could only be measured in light years.

"What I don't want is this distance between us, Anakin," Obi-Wan said, spreading his hands in a gesture that was as helpless as it was placating. 

Obi-Wan took a step forward, but stopped dead in his tracks when Anakin visibly tensed. He swept a hand across his face, suddenly feeling unbalanced. Unmoored. As if Anakin distancing himself had somehow shifted Obi-Wan's entire world off its axis.

It was a frightening thought. But a true one.

Anakin regarded him with an inscrutable gaze. "What do you want, Obi-Wan? You don't want me near, but you don't like it when I'm not trailing after you." Anakin's mouth tightened into a thin line, frustration flashing in his eyes. He rubbed at his forehead, letting out a harsh breath, his stony facade cracking further. "Why did you even sleep with me? Were you curious? Or was it just a moment of weakness?"

Most of his life, words have served as Obi-Wan's most valuable tool. Often as a weapon. But this one time, all words escaped him. Not because he couldn't think of any; if anything there were far too many words crowding his mind. 

And all, once spoken, would lead him - lead them both - down a path Obi-Wan would not walk.

"I am sorry, Anakin," Obi-Wan said, voice barely over a whisper. Out of everything he could say, this was the only truth that mattered. "It was never my intention to hurt you."

Even to his own ears, those words seemed weak and inadequate, echoing hollowly in the ensuing silence. 

Hurt, followed by anger, burst through the cracks in Anakin's shields, charging the space between them; a precursor to an oncoming storm.

Obi-Wan almost winced at the strength of Anakin's emotions, but he managed to gather himself. A part of him almost welcomed Anakin's anger. It was better than the silence, better than the distance. If nothing else, it was real .

But the storm never came. 

Anakin clenched his jaw, his eyes fluttering shut for a brief moment. Obi-Wan blinked, feeling the weight of Anakin's tumultuous emotions dissipate slowly, until there was not even a trace of them in the Force.

Only a curve of a smile in the corner of Anakin's mouth that held no mirth whatsoever. 

"I'm curious," Anakin said in a quiet voice, stripped of all emotion. It sounded foreign, like it belonged to a stranger, not Anakin. "What exactly are you apologizing for? Sleeping with me? Or rejecting me?"

Obi-Wan opened his mouth, only to close it shut in the next moment, even though he knew that his silence was an answer on its own.

"That's what I thought," Anakin remarked, a touch of bitterness lacing his words.

Obi-Wan looked away, unable to bear the weight of Anakin's gaze, slowly coming to a realization that there was no path leading back to how things used to be between them. That there hasn't been one.

Not since the moment Obi-Wan had forgone a lifetime of training and belief in exchange for a kiss.

***

Due to the Separatist involvement,  their mission had turned out to be not as straightforward as it should have been. But not an utter disaster.

The negotiations had failed, true, but - save for a few scrapes and bruises - they had come out of the whole experience unscathed.

And that was due to Anakin managing to catch Senator Amidala before she could fall from a child's edge to her death at the very last moment.

Since then, Anakin has spent every available moment with the Senator.

And Obi-Wan's thoughts kept going back to how he had found them on the cliffside after having disposed of the last of their attackers: clutching at each other, unaware of anything else in the galaxy, the Senator's head resting on Anakin's chest.

A hollow ache had burrowed itself deep into Obi-Wan's heart as he'd stood there; alone, unseen, and unimportant, watching Anakin's hold on the Senator tighten, as if he had no intention of ever letting go of her.

Days later, as they made their way back to Coruscant, the same ache was still throbbing inside Obi-Wan's chest, like a faint echo of his heartbeat.

It wasn't jealousy, that much Obi-Wan knew. What it was, he could not tell for certain. It felt like sorrow, like regret and loss, all tangled up and twisted, and it would not ease. It would not stop. Not even for a moment.

Until…

Obi-Wan was walking past Senator Amidala's cabin when he heard it. Obi-Wan had nearly collided with the Senator's droid as he stepped out of the cabin, distracted by the sound that, at first, he couldn't recognize. And then he did, and the realization nearly knocked the air out of his lungs.

It was laughter. Anakin's laughter. Something Obi-Wan hasn't heard in quite some time. Even before… before everything went wrong.

Obi-Wan pressed the heel of his hand against his forehead and closed his eyes, the weight of guilt crashing down on him.

Anakin was his former Padawan, his dearest friend, the most important person in his life, the one person he-

Obi-Wan shook his head, cutting off that train of thought before it could fully form.

How long has it been since Anakin was truly happy? And why hasn't Obi-Wan noticed anything? Why hasn't he done anything about it? Done something to make Anakin laugh; laugh like he had just heard him - light and carefree - and not drive him away. Not give him more reasons for anger and resentment.

"- you, sir? Sir, can you hear me? Goodness, what should I do? I am not programmed for this."

An increasingly shrill voice cut through the haze around Obi-Wan's mind. Frowning, Obi-Wan opened his eyes. He found himself staring at Senator Amidala's protocol droid in confusion. He had completely forgotten about him.

The droid - Threepio, if Obi-Wan recalled correctly - seemed relieved. "Thank the Maker. Are you well, sir? Do you need assistance?"

Obi-Wan let out a deep breath, his gaze flicking briefly at the door to Senator Amidala's cabin, the sound of Anakin's laughter echoing inside his mind.

It was a lovely sound. One Obi-Wan wished to hear more often. Perhaps one day Obi-Wan would once again manage to give Anakin a reason to laugh in his company.

One day. Not today, or tomorrow, or even the next month, Obi-Wan was not as naive to hope for a miracle. But some day in the future, Anakin might look at him with something other than dismissal or resentment.

"Not at the moment, thank you," Obi-Wan said, nodding at Threepio as he strode past him.

"Are you certain, sir? You seemed unwell a moment ago."

Obi-Wan stopped, throwing a look at Threepio over his shoulder. "It was just a momentary weakness," Obi-Wan said, careful to keep his voice light. "I am feeling much better now."

Threepio just stared at him for one moment. He looked almost... dismayed. "If you say so, sir. I wish you a good day."

Obi-Wan gave him another nod before striding away toward the flight deck.

His chest still ached but Obi-Wan no longer felt like it would shatter under the pressure at any moment.

It was already easier to breathe. And one day, this... ache would fade entirely.

Like all things did.

***

Anakin pressed his mouth into a thin line when Obi-Wan walked into his path before he could step down onto the landing ramp.

"I need a moment of your time, Anakin."

Anakin let out a frustrated huff of breath. "And you call me stubborn," Anakin muttered in a low voice. Not that long ago, those words would have been teasing and fond. Now, Anakin merely sounded annoyed and wary. 

It was a step up from outright hostility, though.

"Can't this wait?" Anakin glanced briefly over Obi-Wan's shoulder. No doubt in search of Senator Amidala. "I need to escort Pa- Senator Amidala back to her residence."

Obi-Wan made no acknowledgement of Anakin's slip. He did the same with the sting of pain, centered in the middle of his chest.

"This won't take long," Obi-Wan assured. 

"Fine," Anakin bit out, but it lacked the usual vitriol. Obi-Wan's gaze flickered to a small gash on Anakin's forehead. It seemed that war was finally starting to weigh down on Anakin. Force knew Obi-Wan felt like he had aged a decade, not merely two years since the beginning of the war. "But make it quick."

As they were approaching the Temple, Obi-Wan had considered what he should say to Anakin. Had thought about finding the right words, the right phrase that would, somehow, smooth the edges of Anakin's enmity and soothe his anger.

He had come up with nothing. Because there was no perfect phrase, no right string of words that could erase the night they had spent together. Or everything that has happened afterwards.

"I know you are still angry with me," Obi-Wan began, carefully choosing his words. Anakin's expression darkened, his eyes flashing. Obi-Wan held up a hand to stave off Anakin's outburst. "Please, Anakin, just hear me out." 

Anakin crossed his arms over his chest. Somehow, despite Anakin's stormy countenance, that gesture seemed more defensive than challenging.

"You really can't leave well enough alone, can't you?" Anakin said, voice caught between bitterness and anger. "I don't understand why won't you just drop this." Anakin let out a sharp breath, dragging his gloved hand through his hair. Pain - bright and searing - made the Force around Anakin shiver for one moment. Only to be gone in the next. "You've made yourself perfectly clear."

Obi-Wan wanted to reach out and pull Anakin into an embrace. Or simply touch him . He wanted it so much he could almost taste it. But that was no longer allowed to him. Not yet. 

Perhaps… perhaps never again.

Obi-Wan took a measured breath. Exhaled it slowly, feeling a sense of calm determination wash over him.

"I don't think I have," Obi-Wan said, quiet. He fixed Anakin with a steady gaze. "No matter what's happened between us, I am your friend, and I always will be. Whatever comes next, whatever you decide-" Obi-Wan broke off, swallowing thickly. Anakin was staring at him with an increasingly bewildered expression, his alarm seeping through the cracks in his shields and into the Force. Obi-Wan's mouth curved into a faint smile. It wasn't a particularly joyous smile. "I just want you to be happy, Anakin. That is all I ever wanted for you."

Without waiting for a reply, Obi-Wan turned on his heel and strode down the landing ramp, feeling the weight of Anakin's gaze on the back of his neck with each step he made.

***

Obi-Wan had known he would… dislike the subject of the meeting when he had walked into the Council Chamber, and found only Yoda and Mace Windu present. 

Three hours later, Obi-Wan wasn't certain that 'dislike' properly conveyed his feelings concerning the mission he had been offered. 

Mission... he had accepted.

Obi-Wan stroked his beard, studying the hologram in front of him. It showed a layout of an underground facility that closely resembled a maze. And a fortress. One with state of the art security system: motions sensors, ray shields, biometric scanners.

And that was excluding the military personnel and droid guards. Consisting mostly of commando droids and destroyers. 

But, then again, their intel was a few months old. Who knew what new and improved models waited for those foolish enough to try and break into the facility.

Well. Foolish and desperate. 

"It could be done," Obi-Wan said finally, glancing up at Mace Windu. He shrugged, his mouth curving into a wry smile. "Theoretically."

Mace frowned. "I agree. On the theoretical part." He pressed his mouth into a thin line, not bothering to hide his displeasure. "I understand the Chancellor's reasoning, but we are operating on an outdated and incomplete intel." 

"On less, we have acted," Yoda remarked pointedly. "Know this, you do."

Mace's frown deepened. "I will not deny that the Council has made some questionable decisions in this war. I didn't like many of them, but I understood their necessity." Mace stepped closer to the holo console, staring at the bluish outline of the Separatist research facility as if by sheer will alone he could uncover all its secrets. Sighing, he straightened, giving Yoda a flat look. "And I would prefer to be certain of the necessity of acting without further intel. According to this-" he waved a hand at the hologram, "-there is little chance of anyone surviving this mission. If any."

"Losing another Jedi, not my wish is," Yoda said, much sharper than Obi-Wan was used to hearing from him. "Choice in this matter, we might not have."

Ensuing silence was fraught with tension as neither Mace nor Yoda seemed willing to concede their point.

Obi-Wan swallowed a sigh, stepping forward. "Master Yoda is right. We cannot afford to risk something that would make the Blue Shadow virus seem like a common cold to be fully developed and released into the galaxy."

"Should we follow the Chancellor's suggestion about the secrecy of this mission? An aerial assault, followed by deployment of ground troops would do the job," Mace suggested. "We only have one chance and I still have my reservations about the intel we've been given."

Obi-Wan folded his hands across his chest. He rarely agreed with the Chancellor,  but this time he did. "The facility is deep in Separatist space. By sending our fleet we would lose the element of surprise." Obi-Wan grimaced, his gaze drawn to the blue glow of the hologram. "And our success hinges on it." Obi-Wan flicked a glance at Mace Windu, who was still studying the map of the facility, his forehead creased into a deep frown. "Our best chance lies in a small strike team."

"Destroy the facility, we must," Yoda interjected, voice brooking no complaint. He knocked his gimer stick against the floor for emphasis. "Or risk a great evil to spread across the galaxy we would."

"I still don't like this plan, but you are right," Mace said, grim and resigned in equal measure. "Element of surprise is our best advantage." He grimaced. "Our only advantage."

Obi-Wan moved the hologram, enlarging the part which displayed the area where the main power generators were located. "This is the weakest point of the entire facility. By placing the charges along these points-" Obi-Wan indicated a series of yellow glowing dots,"-we would initiate a chain reaction that would cause the cave-in of the entire underground complex."

"And kill everyone trapped inside, or close enough to get caught in the blast," Mace concluded in a grim voice. He lifted his gaze away from the hologram, squaring Obi-Wan with a heavy gaze. "Including our strike team."

Obi-Wan looked down, swallowing the bitter taste that was gathered in his mouth. A facility of this size had to have a large number of sentient personnel. If they were to succeed - and they had to - all those people would be dead.

Obi-Wan dragged a hand across his face. He had killed before, and he was preparing to do so again, but it still left him with a cold and heavy weight in the pit of his stomach. 

This war was slowly but surely chipping away at the ideals that made the very heart of the Jedi Order. Notions of duty and honor no longer held the same meaning, becoming far too entangled with those of necessity, politics and public image.

And no Jedi - from younglings to Yoda - was left unscathed. 

Obi-Wan straightened fully, lifting his gaze to meet Mace's. "I have accepted this mission and I will do what I must," Obi-Wan said, quiet but steady. "I only ask that I tell my men the kind of danger they would be walking into."

Yoda and Mace Windu exchanged glances.

"I agree with the necessity of keeping the details of this mission down to only those involved, but I need only four men for my team. The information won't spread beyond that number," Obi-Wan insisted. He let out a deep breath, his gaze flicking between Yoda and Mace. "I know and trust my men. I will not lie to them. They deserve to know the truth."

"Our permission, you have," Yoda said after a moment of silent deliberation. 

Obi-Wan bowed his head in gratitude. "Thank you, Master."

"There is one option we haven't considered yet," Mace remarked, studying Obi-Wan with a thoughtful gaze. "You and Skywalker have achieved some spectacular results while working together." The corner of Mace's mouth quirked faintly. "Results that some regard as… miraculous."

Alarm, sharp and immediate, flared inside Obi-Wan's chest. He felt the fingers of his right hand twitch but he managed to keep them from closing into a fist. "Anakin is still deployed on Felucia," Obi-Wan said, careful to keep his rising panic out of his voice. And the Force. Which, considering his present company, was... difficult. Obi-Wan kept his attention firmly on Mace, aware of Yoda's inquiring gaze. "Along with the 501st and 345th. I was given to understand clearing the planet of the Separatist presence was of vital importance."

"Last reports indicate they are close to securing the planet," Mace said. "Master Mundi's fleet is near the sector. We could recall Skywalker-"

"No," Obi-Wan interjected, voice sharp. The echo of that one word reverberated in the Force, fiercely determined, and wholly uncompromising. 

Mace's eyebrows rose in question, but it was Yoda who spoke up, "A second Jedi's aid, you don't want? Or just young Skywalker's, hmm?"

Obi-Wan forced himself to return Yoda's gaze. He was not surprised by the knowing glint in his eyes. "A presence of a second Jedi would not significantly increase the chances of the mission's success. Whether or not that Jedi is Anakin," Obi-Wan stated firmly. He waited a moment, his pulse pounding in his ears. "Or is the Council doubting my abilities in this matter?"

"We wouldn't have given you this assignment if we had any doubts about your abilities, Obi-Wan," Mace said, glancing briefly at Yoda who was studying Obi-Wan with inscrutable eyes. 

"Certain you are then, that Skywalker's help you do not need?" Yoda queried after a long moment. Whatever thoughts he had on Obi-Wan's vehement denial, he didn't make them known.

Well. Obi-Wan could live with that. For as long - or short, given the nature of his upcoming mission - as that might entail.

"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan said without a moment's hesitation. If a Jedi needed to die, if Obi-Wan needed to die, so be it. But he would not drag anyone else along that path needlessly. Especially not Anakin. 

Mace nodded, once. "Then, if that is your final decision, you need to go and prepare." Mace paused, a flicker of something like sorrow ghosting along his face for a fraction of a moment. "May the Force be with you, Obi-Wan."

"With us all," Yoda added in a quiet voice that made unease curl low in Obi-Wan's abdomen. "May the Force be."

***

Obi-Wan sat on the couch in his quarters, staring at the comlink held between his fingers.

He was due to leave in five hours. Whatever personal affairs he needed to get in order, now was the time. 

Obi-Wan bowed his head, his fingers clenching tighter around the comlink.

Anakin might be occupied by something important. He could be in the middle of a fight. Or leading his fighter squadron. He could be-

Obi-Wan sighed, placing the comlink on the small table next to the couch. He rested his elbows on his knees, covering his face with his hands.

After their mission to Telerath, Obi-Wan had seen Anakin only a handful of times. Anakin had been reserved, at times even nervous, but no longer outright hostile toward Obi-Wan. 

Before Anakin's deployment to Felucia, Obi-Wan had begun to feel cautiously optimistic about mending their relationship. 

Going back to what they had before was made impossible by that single night, and the ugliness that had followed in its wake. But the possibility of building something new… it ignited a spark of hope inside Obi-Wan's heart that refused to be extinguished.

Until today.

There was so much that had been left unsaid. So many lies, so many half-truths, so many secrets still remained between them. One in particular felt like a cold, leaden weight in the space behind Obi-Wan's ribcage.

Five hours, with Anakin on the other side of the galaxy, was nothing. Just a mocking remainder of the time Obi-Wan has squandered with his hesitation and denial. With his cowardice.

Obi-Wan dropped his hands from his face, glancing at the comlink. Five hours was not enough to fix the damage that they had done to each other, but it was enough for Obi Wan to make the single call. 

If for nothing else than to hear Anakin's voice. For what could easily be the last time.

Obi-Wan reached for the comlink, his fingers freezing halfway as a riotous storm of emotions nearly overwhelmed Obi-Wan's shields.

Obi-Wan took in a sharp breath, his feelings alternating between dread and absolute joy, as he realized what - who - was the source of those emotions. Somehow, impossibly, Anakin was back. Was here , in the Temple.

And he was coming closer.

A loud and insistent banging on the door to Obi-Wan's quarters, dispersed the last of his doubts.

Slowly, as if in a daze, Obi-Wan pushed to his feet, managing to take only two steps before the door slid open, and Anakin strode inside, looking furious.

Obi-Wan had forgotten that he'd given Anakin the access code to his quarters. A cursory glance assured him that Anakin bore no new scars or injuries. Also, judging by the cloak he still had on, Anakin had come straight here from the hanger. 

"Have you gone completely insane?" Anakin grit out, whirling on Obi-Wan as soon as the door closed behind him, his eyes blazing with barely restrained fury. 

Obi-Wan frowned, keeping purposely calm in the face of Anakin's torrent of emotions. "I have no idea what you are talking about," Obi-Wan said, the lie bitter on his tongue. A useless one, at that. Anakin obviously knew the truth. And there was only one person who could have told him. "And I know you have better manners than this, Anakin."

"Kriff my manners," Anakin exclaimed, his fingers closing into fists. "And kriff you , Obi-Wan." 

Obi-Wan watched silently as Anakin began pacing, only to stop abruptly, digging his hands into his hair and letting out a shuddering breath.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan sighed, forcing himself to remain still, and not follow the impulse to walk over to Anakin, and gather him into his arms. From the looks of it, Anakin was more likely to punch him, than allow himself to be held. "I am glad you-"

"A suicide mission," Anakin cut him off, pulling his hands out his hair and lowering them by his sides, the weight of his glare a lick of flame against Obi-Wan's senses. "What were you thinking when you accepted that kriffing mission?"

Obi-Wan pressed his mouth into a thin line, squaring his shoulders. "It is a mission of high risk, not a suicide mission. There is a difference. A rather vital difference." Obi-Wan paused, regarding Anakin with a hard gaze. "And you shouldn't know anything about the mission in question."

Anakin's expression twisted into a grimace, his teeth baring into a snarl. "Because I'm not on the Council?" He made a step toward Obi-Wan, then stopped, breathing heavily. "Well, I don't give a damn about security clearance or what the Council think I should or shouldn't know."

"Obviously, the Chancellor shares your sentiment," Obi-Wan said, his voice gaining a sharp edge. "Even though he was the one who had insisted on the utmost secrecy regarding this operation."

Anakin's expression froze for a second, but he didn't attempt to lie. Crossing his arms over his chest, he fixed Obi-Wan with a narrowed gaze. "The Chancellor only expressed his concern over the Council's willingness to jeopardize the mission by sending only one Jedi. And I agree with him."

You agree with him far too much.

Obi-Wan swallowed those words, aware of the heavy, ashen aftertaste they have left in his mouth. He never should have allowed Palpatine to form such a close relationship with Anakin. But he had allowed it, and now, at times, it seemed as if Anakin trusted Palpatine more than he did the Jedi. 

And Obi-Wan could not tell whether that made him merely wary of Palpatine, or envious of the trust Anakin has placed in him. 

"If the Chancellor had any reservations concerning my abilities to handle this operation successfully, he should have made them known earlier," Obi-Wan said drily. 

So far - excluding his clear favoritism of Anakin, especially when there was a need for Jedi to act as his protection detail - the Chancellor had stayed out of the Order's business for the large part, offering advice and input, but never actually demanding things to be done a certain way. Or by certain Jedi. In fact, the Chancellor had hardly seemed surprised when Obi-Wan was tasked with this accursed mission. So why bring this up now, hours before Obi-Wan was scheduled to leave? Because of Anakin? To see what his reaction would be? To drive a wedge between Anakin and the rest of the Order? Anakin and Obi-Wan?

Obi-Wan shook his head, clearing his mind of those, increasingly bewildering, thoughts. But, bewildering thoughts or not, after this mission he would keep a closer eye on the Chancellor. Especially in regards to Anakin. 

Obi-Wan flicked a glance at Anakin's stormy countenance, something cold and heavy settling low in his gut. He could only hope there was nothing sinister behind Palpatine's machinations. And if there was, and Obi-Wan found it… would Anakin even listen to him? Would he believe him?

"This has nothing to do with your abilities, but your stupid need to run headlong into danger," Anakin exclaimed, his voice trembling faintly as fear overshadowed his anger. He swallowed visibly, squaring Obi-Wan with a look that was far too desperate to seem commanding. "I should go with you, even the Council must see it."

Obi-Wan dragged his fingers through his hair, his gaze catching on his comlink, resting innocuously on the table where Obi-Wan had left it. 

A few moments ago, he had desired the comfort of just hearing Anakin's voice, and now Anakin was here, and Obi-Wan could not decide what would do more damage to their already tenuous relationship: truth or a lie?

In the end, he hadn't chosen either.

Obi-Wan took a step closer to Anakin, holding up his hands in a placating gesture. "It is too late now to change the plan," Obi-Wan said, picking his words carefully. It felt like charting a course through an asteroid field. "You shouldn't even be on Coruscant yet. What happened on Felucia?"

For a second, it looked like Anakin would not answer, but keep arguing his point. Or simply keep arguing.

"Master Mundi arrived with his fleet as we were about to finish rounding up the last of the Seppies on the ground," Anakin said after a long moment. His expression had mellowed faintly, but there was still an undercurrent of desperation - of need, raw and visceral - in the gleam of his eyes and the shift of the Force around him. He passed a hand across his face, and for just one moment, he appeared nothing but weary, far too weary for someone so young. "He'd taken over the command and I was recalled to Coruscant." Anakin hesitated a moment. "Just me. Even Ahsoka had stayed back on Felucia."

"You were recalled," Obi-Wan repeated in a dry voice. "By the Chancellor, I assume."

"Yes, by the Chancellor. And I couldn't be more grateful to him," Anakin snapped, pointing accusingly at Obi-Wan. "Because the Council- because you didn't think I should be aware that you're about to go martyr yourself." Anakin let out a hiss of breath, fixing Obi-Wan with a narrowed gaze. " Don't tell me the information was classified."

Obi-Wan sighed. "It was classified," Obi-Wan stated, holding up a hand to stave off Anakin's protest. "Largely due to the Chancellor himself."

Anakin shot him a furious look before he whirled around and began pacing. 

Obi-Wan watched him pace, caught between helplessness and frustration, as each moment that passed only made the ache of longing inside him sharper, more urgent.

Anakin halted in his tracks abruptly. Obi-Wan felt his skin prickle as if the air inside the room had become electrified. Even the sudden stillness in the Force seemed merely like a brief respite; a calm before the storm.

"Have you even considered letting me know about your mission?" Anakin asked without turning around, the line of his shoulders visibly rigid, even through the thick fabric of his cloak. "Or were you going to leave without a single word? Just like that?"

"You didn't seem particularly interested in what I had to say the few times I had tried speaking to you. Or being in my company," Obi-Wan pointed out, regretting the words almost immediately. There was already too much bitterness between them, poisoning their bond. Adding more - especially now - was pointless and would only lead to more anger, more hurt. 

The tension in the room took up a notch. It seemed almost… tangible. And it did nothing to lessen the pressure inside Obi-Wan's chest.

" That was different," Anakin bit out, still keeping his back turned on Obi-Wan. "And it has nothing to do with you going on a suicide mission without telling me a single kriffing word about it."

Obi-Wan shut his eyes for a second, fighting against the swell of helpless frustration. There was nothing he could say that wouldn't incite more of Anakin's anger. More resentment. More blind, selfish accusations.

"I was just about to comm you," Obi-Wan said, his voice just barely over a soft sigh.

If possible, Anakin tensed further. He glared at Obi-Wan over his shoulder, his mouth forming a bitter curve. "And what were you going to tell me? The truth? Or your version of it? Or nothing at all?"

Obi-Wan gave a small shrug, the burn in his throat making every word feel like a shard of glass. "I don't know," Obi-Wan answered truthfully. "I didn't think that far. I suppose," Obi-Wan broke off, his mouth turning up into a ghost of a smile, "I only wanted to hear your voice."

A tremble in the Force was Obi-Wan's only warning before Anakin moved - almost faster than even Obi-Wan could track - whirling around and closing the space between them in three long strides.

"Let me come with you," Anakin pleaded, squeezing Obi-Wan's biceps in a desperate grip. "I need to come with you, Master."

Obi-Wan swallowed heavily, his chest a riotous mess of guilt and regret. But his hand remained steady as he tentatively brought it up to Anakin's cheek, cradling it gently. Anakin let out a low, broken sound, leaning into Obi-Wan's touch. It was such a simple gesture, quite possibly instinctive on Anakin's part, and it nearly undid Obi-Wan entirely. He hadn't realized just how much he'd missed having Anakin close. Being allowed to touch him.

"Anakin, you have other obligations. Other duties. As do I." Obi-Wan's breath caught in his throat as Anakin covered Obi-Wan's hand with his own, pressing it tighter against his face. "And it is too late now to change the strategy."

"I don't care," Anakin murmured, nuzzling into Obi-Wan's hand, looking almost dazed, his eyes clouded with want and need. "I don't care about strategy or about duty, or what the damn Council would think. I care about you ."

It wasn't exactly a revelation, but to hear Anakin state it so bluntly, and to feel the Force ring with his conviction, with the naked truth of it, it seemed like a defeat. Obi-Wan's abject failure as Anakin's Master.

But how could it have been different? How was Obi-Wan ever to succeed in teaching Anakin that which he himself could not fully master?

Anakin was an outstanding Jedi, but he would never place ideals and duty over those he loved. When it came to Anakin, Obi-Wan suffered from the same affliction. The same feeling. The same... attachment.

The irony of how diametrically opposite were their methods of expressing that particular failing was not lost on Obi-Wan.

Anakin would never willingly let go of those he loved. Obi-Wan… would. It did not make his love lesser or weaker for it. But that was a distinction Anakin could not understand. Or accept.

"But I do," Obi-Wan said, low but with unyielding determination. "And I would not see you squander all you have accomplished so far on a whim. Impulsive and futile."

Anakin's face twisted into a pained grimace, his fingers digging deep into the flesh of Obi-Wan's arm. "It is not a whim and I am not a child who doesn't know better," Anakin said, low and fervent. He let out a choked off noise, leaning his forehead against Obi-Wan's. He released Obi-Wan's hand, curving his fingers around the nape of Obi-Wan's neck. "I cannot let you die. I won't."

Obi-Wan let go of Anakin's face, gathering him into his arms. Anakin went willingly, nuzzling into the crook of Obi-Wan's neck, twining his arms around Obi-Wan's shoulders. Obi-Wan inhaled deeply, his chest aching with infinite fondness for this complicated, and so very precious man in his arms.

"I am not going to die," Obi-Wan murmured soothingly, stroking his fingers through Anakin's unruly curls, thinking of nothing but how right it felt to hold Anakin like this, how perfectly he fit into the cradle of Obi-Wan's arms. "This is just another mission. And I will come back."

Anakin made a low sound, halfway between a laugh and a sob, burrowing closer into Obi-Wan's embrace. "You've lied to me before."

"I am not lying to you now," Obi-Wan said, his tone steady and strong; nothing like the erratic beat of his heart. Or the faint tremble of his fingers as they clutched at Anakin's robes. "I promise I will come back."

To you , remained unspoken but it shuddered in the Force, echoing through bond as loud as if Obi-Wan had shouted the words.

Anakin lifted his head, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. And a tentative, aching hope. "Will you keep that promise?"

Would he? Could he? 

"Yes," Obi-Wan said without hesitation, blind to everything save the open, vulnerable expression on Anakin's face, sealing his promise with a kiss to Anakin's forehead. "I will."

******

"Someone has to stay and trigger the explosives from inside this place," Sharp said, indicating the reactor room. He gave a tiny shrug. "Sorry, General."

Obi-Wan's mouth twitched faintly as he stared at the detonator in his hand. "Not as sorry as I am, Sharp," he said drily, rubbing at his face with a weary hand.

There's always been a possibility of their intel being outdated or incomplete, and now Obi-Wan really wanted to know which one it was. Because the former would imply a truly bad timing on their part, and the latter… well. This mission has done nothing to improve Obi-Wan's opinion of Chancellor Palpatine. It only made him even more wary of the man, filling his mind with disquieting thoughts. Many of which were verging into a truly outlandish territory. 

Expelling a long breath, Obi-Wan gathered himself. Now was no time to dwell on matters he could not examine further. There was still a mission that needed to be completed. A mission that became even more complicated.

"It is no small wonder you have made this discovery, Sharp," Obi-Wan said, gesturing at the nearest wall. "It wouldn't have occurred to me that no signal could go past these walls."

"It was an accident, really," Sharp said, looking sheepish. "I tried to comm Vex, but got nothing. Not even static. Then I tried the same with Chance, and I got him immediately. And so I tried Vex again, and then Trekk, and couldn't get either."

"Because they are outside, guarding the perimeter," Obi-Wan concluded grimly. He managed a smile, clasping Sharp by his armoured shoulder. "Quick thinking on your part has undoubtedly saved this mission."

Sharp stood up straighter. "Just doing my duty, General." A small smile quirked in the corner of his mouth. "Quick thinking is why you brought me along. Why you've brought Chance along, though…"

Obi-Wan glanced at the trooper in question, standing on the far side of the reactor room, sensing apprehension and curiosity coming off of him. No doubt it was caused by their unexpected delay. If everything had gone to plan, they should have been on their way out of the complex by now.

But that was no longer an option. At least not for all of them. Someone had to stay behind and activate the charges. Someone had to die.

Obi-Wan clenched his jaw, torn between necessity and morality. He'd led men - good, brave men - into battle and death before. But he's never explicitly ordered anyone to sacrifice themselves. 

Death wasn't a source of apprehension and dread for a Jedi. But Obi-Wan has seen and felt so many deaths in the last two years, it was becoming difficult to find comfort in knowing that death is nothing more than a journey back to the Force.

As if sensing his thoughts, Sharp took a step forward, grim determination etched onto his face. "I volunteer, sir," Sharp said, without so much a waver in his voice. "To be the one to stay and activate the charges."

Obi-Wan's throat tightened with admiration and regret in equal measure. A dozen lines crowded in his mind, but he dismissed them all. Platitudes and regret seemed ill-fitting for this moment. No matter how sincere. 

"It has been an honor serving with you, trooper," Obi-Wan said after a moment of silence, bowing his head.

Sharp snapped off a salute. "And you as well, General."

Obi-Wan handed him the detonator. "Give us twenty minutes then set off the charges." 

Sharp closed his fingers around the detonator, nodding once. "It will be done, General." He hesitated briefly before asking, "If something happens? If the Seppies find me? I would not be able to warn you."

Obi-Wan's mouth flattened into a thin line. "The mission comes first. At the first sign of danger, set off the charges." When Sharp grimaced, Obi-Wan gave him a pointed look. "I will make it an order if I have to."

"No, General, I understand. You can count on me," Sharp said. Then, after a short glance at Chance, he added in a quiet voice, "Just- just get my brothers safely out of here."

"I will," Obi-Wan promised. Then, without another word, he strode away, feeling the weight of two promises pressing heavily against his chest.

******

They almost made it. 

Their exit was nearly there, already visible, when a tremor in the Force made Obi-Wan falter in his steps for a brief moment, breath freezing in his lungs.

No.

The first explosion followed before that single word - denial and resignation all at once - fully formed within Obi-Wan's mind. Then the second  The third. The fourth. The fifth.

And then the entire facility began to collapse.

Obi-Wan stopped running, his next course of action clear to him.

"Run," Obi-Wan shouted at his men as they stopped running, their distress clear even with the helmets hiding their faces. "That's an order."

"General-" Vex began, but Obi-Wan didn't give him time to finish. He held up his hands and, gathering as much power as he could, pushed, sending his men flying towards the exit. And safety.

Obi-Wan couldn't see whether they had made it. An ominous crack dragged Obi-Wan's attention toward the ceiling as it shuddered above him. Then, in the next moment, it caved in.

Obi-Wan lifted his hands, straining against the weight of debris raining down on him, painfully aware of the futility of his struggle. Not even Anakin was powerful enough to hold off tons of duracrete for more than a few moments.

As he felt his strength falter, Obi-Wan closed his eyes, regret cutting through him like a jagged blade. He'd promised Anakin that he'd return. Now it was rather obvious that wasn't a promise he would be able to keep. No matter how much he wanted to.

I'm sorry, Anakin .

It was his last thought before a piece of debris collided with the right side of his head and everything went dark.

******

The first time Obi-Wan regained consciousness, it only lasted a few moments. 

Later, Obi-Wan would not remember much beyond the pain; the worst of it concentrated on the left side of his head, throbbing hotly with each beat of his heart. Beneath the pain, there was a sensation of cold metal underneath his back, and faintly familiar voices arguing somewhere off to his right.

Obi-Wan made an attempt at opening his eyes, but all he had managed to discern before the darkness pulled him under was the familiar shape of a B1 battle droid, peering down on him.

The second time Obi-Wan regained consciousness, he was no longer in pain. Instead, he felt strangely weightless, his thoughts slow and sluggish, refusing to form into coherence.

Still, there was something, a sort of shapeless alarm, crowding the far edges of Obi-Wan's mind, warning him of coming danger.

It took Obi-Wan a few tries before he managed to open his eyes, and then a few more to focus on his surroundings. He was lying on a flat metal table, surrounded by medical instruments he has, unfortunately, become more familiar with in the last two years than during his entire life.

"I would recommend staying still," a flat, mechanical voice suggested when Obi-Wan made a move to push himself into a sitting position. "Your injuries were extensive."

Obi-Wan frowned as an unfamiliar medical droid, with a round head, square torso and only upper extremities, came to hover next to Obi-Wan's examination table, fiddling with a nearby monitor. Obi-Wan could not see what was on it. "There is still a 7,9 percent chance you could succumb to your injuries."

Obi-Wan blinked. "That doesn't sound so bad," Obi-Wan said, his voice low and scratchy. He reached out with the Force as he considered his next words carefully. Even through the haze of drugs, he wasn't surprised when he couldn't sense another life form. "Where are we?"

The droid stopped fiddling with the monitor, tilting its head as he studied Obi-Wan. "I was instructed no to answer such questions."

Obi-Wan shut his eyes; the cold, hard weight of his realization clearing his thoughts fractionally. "I already know I am on a Separatist vessel." When he opened his eyes, the droid was hovering in the same spot, still unhelpfully silent. Obi-Wan made himself smile, gesturing weakly at himself. "It isn't like I am in any state to attempt anything. I'm certain you know that better than anyone on-board this ship. Should you answer my question, there isn't much I will be able to do with the information."

Unfortunately, Obi-Wan wasn't lying. With the amount of drugs coursing through him, he would likely fall asleep or fall unconscious long before he would have managed to secure himself a transport off this ship. And that was discounting the battle droids stationed on the ship, the fact they were currently travelling through hyperspace, and that his lightsaber was most likely forever lost in the rubble of the Separatist facility.

The last thought, somewhat predictably, made him think of Anakin. He could easily picture the teasing grin on that familiar face, could almost hear his voice, gleefully reciting back Obi-Wan's own words at him.

Obi-Wan inhaled sharply, his chest aching with a longing that seemed to originate inside his very core. He couldn't recall wanting anything as desperately as he wanted to see Anakin again, to touch and hold him, his last promise to Anakin like a brand on his soul.

He wanted - needed - to keep that promise. No matter how… amicable their parting had been, there was still too much that remained unsaid between them. Too many cracks that needed mending.

Obi-Wan flexed his hands, somewhat surprised at the lack of restraints. Even in his current state that was an oversight. Sadly not one Obi-Wan would be able to exploit at the present moment.

Forcing his sluggish thoughts into something resembling coherence, Obi-Wan scanned his surroundings. This medbay was significantly smaller than those aboard Republic's ships, but fairly well equipped. Not that it meant much to Obi-Wan. Besides the fact that his life was in no imminent danger.

No one healed someone only to have them executed.

Obi-Wan swallowed a frustrated sound. His present circumstances were far from ideal, but he was still alive. Which was already a small miracle on its own. And it wasn't like this was the first time he's been captured. Only to escape with no lasting injuries.

Granted, Anakin had usually been there with him, and that meant a world of difference.

"You are correct," the droid agreed. He drifted over to a long metal table on the far side of the medbay. He picked up a hypospray, studying it briefly. "You may be a Jedi, but you are not much of a threat at present."

Obi-Wan could not decide whether to feel amused or offended. In the end he decided it didn't really matter. "Does that mean you will answer my question?"

"I do not know our destination, only that Count Dooku wants you delivered to him alive." Obi-Wan watched as the droid returned, unease gathering in the pit of his stomach. What could Dooku possibly want of him? He sincerely doubted the Count would make him the same offer he had on Geonosis. He already knew what Obi-Wan's answer would be. "And I need to make sure you remain alive until then."

"You have my deepest gratitude," Obi-Wan muttered wryly. Carefully, he brought his hand up, encountering a thick layer of bandage on the right side of his head, just over his ear. He could still feel a dull, throbbing ache there, even with all the drugs coursing through his blood. 

"If the impact had been six percent stronger, you would have died instantly," the droid supplied in an even voice. "You should consider yourself fortunate."

Obi-Wan lowered his hand, giving the droid a flat look. "Were I not a prisoner, I would have given it a thought. As it is, I am reserving my judgment for later."

"That is not my concern," the droid said, pressing the hypospray against Obi-Wan's neck. Before Obi-Wan could manage a protest, he felt a tiny pinprick as the needle pierced his skin. "Keeping you alive is."

Obi-Wan brought his fingers up to his neck, grimacing. "Generally it is considered polite to warn someone before injecting them with an unknown substance."

"Being polite is not a part of my programming," the droid replied. "And that unknown substance is anesthetic." The droid tilted his head, regarding Obi-Wan in an almost thoughtful manner. "You are a far more agreeable patient when you are unconscious."

"You are not the first to tell me that," Obi-Wan muttered, struggling to keep his eyes open. It was an empty effort, but better than nothing. "Hopefully, you won't be the last."

"There is no point in trying to resist the anesthetic," the droid pointed out, pushing Obi-Wan down when he made an attempt to sit up. "It is futile and counterproductive. There is one more invasive procedure I still need to perform on you. You do not wish to remain conscious for it."

Obi-Wan let out a deep breath and stopped fighting. The droid was right, there was no point in delaying the inevitable. He allowed his eyes to drift shut, the darkness swallowing his thoughts.

When he opened them for the third time, Obi-Wan found himself lying on a narrow bunk, staring at a grey, durasteel ceiling; the low hum of a nearby ray shield and a cold weight on his wrists, answered a question that had yet to fully form inside his mind.

It seemed his threat status had been upgraded since the last time he'd been conscious.

Carefully, Obi-Wan pushed himself into a sitting position, eyeing the shock cuffs on his wrists with grim amusement.

At least they didn't cuff my hands behind my back. That would have been uncomfortable.

Standing up made his muscles and back protest, but it was the usual ache that came with age and regularly sleeping on hard, unforgiving surfaces. It seemed the med droid had done his job well. His head wound still ached faintly, and his right ankle felt tender as he walked, but that seemed only a minor annoyance considering he had almost been buried under tons of duracrete.

A glance through the ray shield offered nothing of consequence. Just a look at the other end of an empty corridor.

Sighing in defeat, Obi-Wan went back to the bunk and sat down, leaning his back against a wall and closing his eyes.

Trying to work out a way to escape - well, something more substantial than 'if you see an opportunity, take it' - seemed pointless at the moment, but meditating proved to be… difficult. 

Despite Obi-Wan's efforts to reign in his thoughts and clear his mind, they kept circling back to how much he had enjoyed running his fingers through Anakin's unruly curls, how right it had felt to fall asleep with Anakin's head on his chest.

Memories of that one night, memories Obi-Wan has kept tightly leashed for so long, had broken through the walls Obi-Wan had built around them, and now, in the silence of his cell, Obi-Wan no longer could hold them back.

Would not hold them back. Not anymore. It was time to stop hiding from what he's done, to stop denying the true nature of the feeling that was wreaking havoc inside his chest.

Perhaps it was too late. Perhaps he would never see Anakin again, never get a chance to admit how important - how essential - he was to Obi-Wan. 

Obi-Wan swallowed heavily, his throat feeling raw, burning with all the words he's been afraid to say. 

If that was the will of the Force, then he would meet his end at Dooku's hands and never see Anakin again. He would join the Force unburdened with lies and denial. 

But not free of regrets.

*******

Obi-Wan felt when the ship exited the hyperspace, but didn't give it a second thought. It wasn't like it was an unusual occurrence. Ever since the beginning of the war, hyperspace travel has become rather complicated, usually requiring additional hyperspace jumps.

And then the first explosion sounded. Followed closely by the second and third. Then the fourth. The fifth.

The fifth one must have been a direct hit since it shook the ship. In the distance, Obi-Wan could hear the alarms blaring.

Rising to his feet, Obi-Wan walked over to the ray shield, a flicker of hope sparking inside him.

It was a cautious hope, however. 

Due to this ship's size - Obi-Wan could not be entirely certain, but he suspected it was a heavy cruiser - only the Republic's forces would engage it in battle. But that didn't mean they were aware of Obi-Wan's presence on-board.

Unless… unless this was a rescue mission. 

Considering everything, the chances for it were minuscule, but Obi-Wan has long since amended his view of the word impossible. Especially after Anakin had entered his life. 

Letting out a somewhat unsteady breath, Obi-Wan closed his eyes and stretched out his senses, seeking that familiar blazing presence but finding only a thick cloud of darkness that has been steadily growing stronger for years now.

And then; a spark. A tiny flicker of a flame that seemed to grow stronger and brighter with each moment, until it became a burning inferno in the Force.

Obi-Wan opened his eyes, his heart thundering a wild rhythm against his breastbone.

Anakin? Here? How was it possible?

Obi-Wan was still grappling with disbelief when he heard a faint whoosh of doors opening, followed closely by the sound of heavy boots hitting the metal floor in a run, the Force all but shuddering with urgency and an entire maelstrom of feelings.

Obi-Wan knew who it was, knew it deep inside his bones, even before Anakin - wide-eyed and breathing heavily - came to a stop on the other side of the ray shield, clutching his unlit lightsaber in his right hand.

For one distant moment, Obi-Wan was not certain he could trust his own senses. Anakin has been the central point of his thoughts for the last two days: the constant ache beneath his breastbone, and the sole companion in the solitude of his cell. 

Looking at him now, almost within reach and still so far away, felt unreal. As if Anakin was no more than a vision, conjured up by Obi-Wan's most fervent desires.

And then Anakin moved, his lightsaber humming to life, and the spell was broken.

Anakin was here. And he was real.

"Step back," Anakin ordered, plunging his lightsaber into the controls for the ray shield.

Obi-Wan moved back, unable to draw his gaze away from Anakin's face, his heartbeat an almost deafening roar in his ears, drowning out the sounds of the ongoing battle.

The ray shield flickered, then died entirely.

Anakin clipped his lightsaber to his belt, striding forward the moment the ray shield was down, his expression a riotous storm of emotions. He stopped abruptly, his eyes flashing dangerously as his gaze caught on Obi-Wan's wrists.

Anakin clenched his jaw and made a sharp gesture with his right hand. The cuffs around Obi-Wan's wrists snapped, falling down on the ground with a loud clang.

Obi-Wan rubbed at his wrists, his mouth curving faintly. He fixed Anakin with a steady gaze, arching an eyebrow. "What took you so long?"

Anakin released a choked sound and stepped forward, wrapping Obi-Wan in a tight embrace, relief rolling off of him in thick waves.

Obi-Wan closed his eyes, relaxing into the embrace, tentatively bringing his hands up to rest on Anakin's back.

"You're alive, you're here, I've got you," Anakin murmured into Obi-Wan's hair, over and over again, until the words blurred together, forming a sound that was both a laugh and a sob.

Obi-Wan carded his fingers into the curls on the nape of Anakin's neck, slowly tracing aimless patterns across Anakin's back as Anakin trembled faintly. 

A sense of peace and belonging - similar but different from the one Obi-Wan has known ever since he'd been a youngling in the creche - settled over him. It felt like a missing part of him had finally clicked into place, making him whole.

After what felt like an eternity, but could not have been more than a few moments, Anakin stepped back, his gaze lingering on Obi-Wan, even as he brought up his hand up to his face, activating his comlink.

"Rex, I've got him," Anakin spoke into his comlink, every inch one of the most competent Generals in the GAR, despite the faint wet gleam of his eyes. Warmth swelled inside Obi-Wan's chest, breath scraping his throat. "Keep the Seppies busy until we're out of here."

"As you say, General. And give General Kenobi my regards."

"Will do, Rex," Anakin replied curtly, cutting the connection and lowering his hand. "Rex sends his regards." Anakin paused, considering Obi-Wan with a thoughtful gaze. "There's one more thing," Anakin said, the corner of his mouth lifting into a grin as he unclipped a second lightsaber from his belt, offering it to Obi-Wan. "I think you might need this."

Obi-Wan stared at the familiar hilt, disconcerted by the fact he had been so distracted, he hadn't noticed his own lightsaber hanging off Anakin's belt. Details like that were important, sometimes even lifesaving.

And Obi-Wan only saw Anakin.

A small crease appeared on Anakin's forehead. "Don't you want it back?"

"Yes, of course," Obi-Wan said, gathering himself. He reached for his lightsaber, exhaling a soft sigh as his fingers closed over the familiar hilt. "I was certain it was lost forever."

Anakin's grin widened fractionally, but it didn't reach his eyes; they remained serious. "Don't lose it again," Anakin said, his fingers brushing against Obi-Wan's before pulling away. "That weapon is your life."

Obi-Wan clipped the lightsaber to his belt, still feeling a phantom warmth of Anakin's brief touch. "Perhaps," Obi-Wan remarked in a quiet voice, earning a confused glance from Anakin. "And perhaps I've had time to reevaluate certain truths."

Anakin blinked, perplexed. He stared at Obi-Wan intently for one long moment. Obi-Wan could feel him on the edges of his mind; curious and intent, but not prying further.

Obi-Wan met his gaze levelly, allowing himself a small smile.

Shaking his head, Anakin let out a frustrated huff of breath. "You are impossible," he groused. "You know that, right?"

Obi-Wan didn't get a chance to reply. In that moment, another hit - this one much closer to them - had made it through the shields, triggering another set of explosions.

"That was rather close," Obi-Wan remarked wryly. 

"Yeah," Anakin agreed. He straightened, his frustration morphing into sharp focus. "We better leave before we get an unwanted company." Anakin grimaced after another explosion sounded off, making the lights flicker briefly. "Or Rex gets over excited."

A sudden thought chilled Obi-Wan to the bone, dread settling in the pit of his belly. He reached forward and grabbed Anakin by the wrist, stopping him mid-stride.

Anakin frowned, startled. He glanced down at Obi-Wan's fingers, wrapped around his wrist, but made no attempt to extract himself out of Obi-Wan's hold.

"We really should be going," Anakin cautioned.

Obi-Wan ignored him, urgency and concern winning over his common sense. "Does the Council know you are here?"

Please say you haven't abandoned your post or done something worse. Because of me .

Anakin pressed his mouth into a thin line, his shoulders stiffening. " That is what you want to discuss? Now?" He let out a bitter laugh. "Your priorities begin and end with the Council, don't they, Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan clenched his jaw, tightening his grip on Anakin's wrist. " Anakin ," Obi-Wan snapped, his voice harsher than he'd intended. Hurt flashed in Anakin's eyes, only to be replaced by stubborn defiance. Obi-Wan took in a long, steadying breath, releasing his hold on Anakin's wrist. "Just answer the question." He paused before adding a quiet, " Please , Anakin."

Anakin's posture relaxed minutely, but the bitter twist to his mouth remained. "This is an official rescue mission, if that's what you want to know. Personally approved by Mace Windu." Anakin fixed Obi-Wan with an unwavering stare, his eyes gleaming with fierce determination. "Not that it matters. I would have come for you with or without the Council's permission."

Without waiting for reply, Anakin strode out of the cell, giving Obi-Wan no choice but to follow.

******

Obi-Wan stared at his reflection in the small mirror of the refresher that was connected to Anakin's cabin on Resolute . 

He studied the fresh line of raised tissue that stretched from his right ear up to his temple, fully aware that he was hiding. Avoiding to face Anakin; now that they were alone and without anyone shooting at them.

Obi-Wan could sense Anakin on the other side of the door: tendrils of nervous excitement and rising frustration, seeping into the Force even past Anakin's shields.

With a sigh, Obi-Wan stepped back from the mirror and shut his eyes. He took a deep breath, seeking calm inside himself, but found uncertainty and longing instead, warring a vicious battle in the hollow of his chest.

Swallowing a curse, Obi-Wan opened his eyes and waved the refresher door open.

Lies, omissions, silence… Obi-Wan was done with all of that. Done with hiding. Done with denial.

Nothing good has come out of any of it.

When Obi-Wan exited the refresher, Anakin halted mid-stride, his eyes going wide as they swept over Obi-Wan.

A frisson of heat - of want and something almost proprietary - flared in the air between them, disappearing in the next moment, locked tightly behind Anakin's shields.

Obi-Wan glanced down at himself, faintly amused by Anakin's flustered demeanor. He was dressed in Anakin's tunic and trousers. It wasn't the most ideal of solutions considering their respective heights, but wearing loose clothes was a far better option than wearing his own torn and bloodstained robes.

Anakin didn't seem to mind it. Quite the opposite.

"I borrowed some of your clothes," Obi-Wan offered, keeping his face carefully neutral. He'd expected Anakin to tease him about their height difference, not… this. "Mine were ruined beyond repair."

Anakin swallowed, looking flushed. "I don't mind," he muttered, fumbling with his tabards. He crossed over to the small table in the opposite corner of the cabin, visibly radiating nervousness. "I briefed the Council. They don't expect your report until we're back on Coruscant. I-" Anakin glanced away, his expression growing sheepish. "Here," Anakin said after a beat, gesturing at the table. Save for the slight color high on his cheeks, he no longer appeared nervous. There was a hint of a grin in the corner of his mouth, his eyes gleaming with mischief and something deeper, stronger. "I know how cranky you get without it."

Obi-Wan blinked, only now noticing that there was a mug on the table. It was still steaming. 

Inhaling deeply, Obi-Wan picked up a subtle, herbal scent that was unmistakably tea.

Obi-Wan's chest swelled with deep affection. He'd almost forgotten that Anakin had made himself the center of Obi-Wan's inner orbit long before everything became… complicated. 

Obi-Wan has loved Anakin before that love grew and changed, and he would love him no matter what happened today.

"You made me tea?" Obi-Wan asked, not quite able to hit the familiar teasing note. "You hated doing it when you were still a Padawan." Obi-Wan crossed over to the table, his mouth quirking into a smile. "Which you stated on at least a dozen occasions. Loudly, if I remember correctly."

Anakin shrugged. He, too, couldn't make the gesture seem entirely casual. "We're sharing a cabin for the next three days," Anakin said. "You're more agreeable when you'd had your morning tea."

Obi-Wan hummed a noncommittal noise, bringing the mug up to his mouth and taking a sip. It wasn't his usual blend; it was a bit too strong, with a rich earthy aroma, but it warmed him up from the inside, soothing the last of the tension from his muscles. 

Obi-Wan let out a deep, satisfied breath. "I feel like a civilized person once again," Obi-Wan remarked, putting the mug back down on the table.

Anakin gave a low snort, shaking his head. "I'll never understand why you enjoy that stuff so much. It tastes worse than stale water."

Obi-Wan gave him a prim look. "That is because you are a caf-drinking heathen, Anakin."

Anakin's face split into a wide grin, his eyes alight with warmth and simple joy. "You haven't called me that in years."

Obi-Wan could feel an answering smile form on his lips, his chest brimming with fierce affection. "You seemed determined to earn other monikers."

"Yeah, I remember," Anakin said, giving Obi-Wan a challenging look. "Reckless, stubborn, impatient, foolhardy… Did I forget something?"

"Contrary and impertinent," Obi-Wan said, arching an eyebrow. Then, following a sudden impulse, Obi-Wan rounded the table and walked up to Anakin, clasping him by the shoulder. "Dear one," he added in a soft voice.

Anakin swallowed visibly, his expression caught between longing and resignation. "I liked that one," he murmured, leaning faintly into Obi-Wan's touch. He brought his left hand up to Obi-Wan's face, tracing the scar tissue with his fingers. "This will leave a scar."

"I don't mind," Obi-Wan said, keeping carefully still. "It could have been worse."

A pained expression twisted Anakin's features, his shoulder going rigid underneath Obi-Wan's hand. "Yes, it could have." Anakin pulled his hand away, baling it into a fist by his side. He let out a sharp breath and stepped back, fixing Obi-Wan with a hard gaze. "You could have died."

Obi-Wan slowly lowered his hand, meeting  Anakin's gaze levelly. He could still feel the warmth of Anakin's touch, lingering on his skin. "But I haven't. I am here. Alive. Because of you." Obi-Wan stroked his beard, considering Anakin thoughtfully. "Although, I haven't even the vaguest idea how you managed to find me. Or even thought to look, for that matter."

"Of course I looked for you," Anakin said, low and fierce. He set his shoulders, raising his chin defiantly. "I will always come looking for you."

Obi-Wan knew Anakin meant it: wholly, without reserve. Or thinking of consequences for himself. 

Obi-Wan sighed. "Let us hope you won't have to."

Anakin let out a huff of breath. "I wouldn't take that bet."

"No, I suppose you wouldn't," Obi-Wan sighed, dragging his fingers across his face. He went over to Anakin's bunk and sat down, glancing up at Anakin. "So. How did you find me?" A wry smile twisted on his lips. "And don't say it was luck."

Anakin hesitated for a second. Then, he let out a deep breath, squaring his shoulders. "I'm not having that discussion with you again," Anakin said, pointing a finger at Obi-Wan. He inhaled deeply, then continued, "After you left for the shipyards, I went to talk to Master Windu. I-" Anakin broke off, grimacing. He glanced away, shifting on his feet. "I asked to be assigned to your mission. He refused."

"Ah," Obi-Wan said in a carefully neutral voice. That must have been an… interesting conversation. But not as explosive as Obi-Wan would have thought considering, "Anakin. You assured me that Mace approved of your mission."

Anakin gave him a flat look. "And I told you the truth." He dragged his fingers through his hair and began pacing. "I don't think he'd been in favor of your mission from the start."

For a distant moment, Obi-Wan watched Anakin pace restlessly. It made him think of storm clouds gathering on the horizon. Sometimes, that seemed the best description of Anakin: a storm given flesh.

"No. Mace had doubts concerning our intel. He argued against acting on such short notice," Obi-Wan admitted in a quiet voice. "Only the threat of the bioweapon and the Chancellor's insistence managed to sway him."

Anakin threw him a sideways glance but continued pacing, his brow creasing into a frown. "He summoned me later that day and assigned me to extract you and your team should it become necessary. That's why the Resolute had been so close when your homing beacon activated."

Obi-Wan blinked, perplexed. "Homing beacon? I didn't activate the homing beacon. I didn't have the time."

Anakin stopped pacing. He gave Obi-Wan a steady look. "One of your men survived. Vex," Anakin clarified at Obi-Wan's gasp of surprise. "He activated the beacon. We found him when we landed."

"Where is he now?" Obi-Wan asked, standing up. "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?"

Anakin stood up straighter, the muscle in his jaw twitching. "Because you would have insisted on seeing him immediately. And you need rest."

"I am perfectly fine, and I don't need a blasted nursemaid, Anakin," Obi-Wan snapped. He kept Anakin's gaze, not bothering to hide his displeasure. "You should have told me this earlier."

"I was going to tell you tomorrow," Anakin said, quiet but steady. He raised his chin defiantly. "I won't apologize for this, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan glared at him, while frustration built inside his chest: frustration with Anakin, but also with himself. He could feel the words - sharp and accusing - take shape on his lips.

Obi-Wan inhaled sharply, clenching his jaw tightly. He already knew how this scene would play out. Has been a part of similar ones a countless times before, and he no longer wanted to follow his designated lines.

It has always been so easy for them to fall into light banter, and just as easy to find themselves on separate sides of a bitter argument.

But holding a conversation; one without lies, omissions and deflection… well. They have never been good at those. 

Obi-Wan wanted to do better. Needed to do better. For both their sakes. Especially after having faced the very real possibility of never seeing Anakin again.

"I am not asking for an apology, Anakin. Just your understanding," Obi-Wan said in a quiet voice. "Those five men were under my command. My responsibility. Don't you think I would have wanted to know at least one of them survived?"

Defiance melted from Anakin's features, replaced by something... complicated. An emotion that balanced between hopelessness and yearning. It disappeared quickly from Anakin's face but not the Force. It felt like a loose string that tied them together: unseen, intangible, but no less real for that.

"You owe him your life twice over, you know," Anakin said.

"I do?" Obi-Wan asked, not quite successful at making his tone casual. 

"He's the one who found your lightsaber in the rubble," Anakin clarified. The ghost of a smile flickered across his face; there and gone just as quickly, never actually reaching his eyes. "He also overheard a conversation between a droid patrol. They were expressing relief they had not been tasked with delivering a Jedi prisoner to Dooku." Anakin lapsed into silence, but his gaze remained fixed intently on Obi-Wan's face. Obi-Wan felt an irrational urge to look away, viscerally aware of its intensity. "They were certain the Jedi would be dead long before they would have reached Serenno."

"I see," Obi-Wan said, understanding dawning on him.

Anakin cocked his head to the side, his mouth twisting sharply. "Do you? Do you really?" Anakin let out a mirthless laugh that made Obi-Wan's insides twist with unease. "Then you know how I've felt. I don't ever want to feel that way again. Until I found in that cell, I kept expecting-"

Anakin broke off, his voice deteriorating into a choked off sound. He bowed his head, his shoulders rising and falling with rapid breaths.

Obi-Wan's eyes flickered shut for a small moment, his chest tight with sympathy and the faint echo of terror that wasn't quite his own. He could only imagine how excruciating the past few days must have been for Anakin. The helplessness, the constant dread of the moment when their bond would snap in the wake of Obi-Wan's death. Anakin has never managed to control his fear of losing those dear to him, and Obi-Wan… well.

He could no longer deny that his own reaction to the possibility of losing Anakin was not that of a Jedi, but of a terrified man.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan said, taking an uncertain step forward. "That is all in the past now. I am here, and I am well."

Anakin raised his head slowly. The look in his eyes stopped Obi-Wan dead in his tracks. "I am in love with you," Anakin said in a quiet voice. Obi-Wan didn't need the Force to tell him Anakin was speaking the truth; the proof was there, written plainly across Anakin's face. "I know it's not what you wanted to hear and that you don't feel the same. I'm not asking for your love. Not this time." Anakin trailed off for a small moment, his eyes flashing with hopeless longing. He released a shuddering breath and set his shoulders. When he spoke again, his voice was steady. "I'm asking you to never leave me." Anakin smiled. It was a small, brittle thing. "You told me you wanted me to be happy. I can't be happy without you in my life."

"Anakin," Obi-Wan began, barely able to hear his own voice over the rush of blood in his ears.

"I know I shouldn't ask that of you. That I shouldn't even want it," Anakin cut in. He spread his hands in a helpless gesture. "But we both know I've never been much of a Jedi. Not like you."

Obi-Wan has never felt less like a Jedi than in that moment. It wasn't because he didn't know what to do. What a Jedi would do. What he, as Anakin's former Master, should do.

It was because Obi-Wan knew, with a bone-deep certainty that verged on inevitable, that he had already made his choice. And it wasn't the Jedi Order.

Decision made, Obi-Wan closed the distance between them in three measured strides. Slowly, as if not to spook him, Obi-Wan cupped the back of Anakin's neck with one hand, brushing the knuckles of his other hand across Anakin's cheek.

Anakin's eyes were wide and startled. Uncertain. But - unconsciously or not - he leaned further into Obi-Wan's touch. Seeking more. "Obi-Wan? What are you doing?"

A flicker of a smile passed across Obi-Wan's face. Words have always been his forte, but this one time Obi-Wan decided against speaking. Instead, he chose action. After all, it was what Anakin would have done.

Their one night together - with the exception of the first kiss, the one that had started it all - had not been gentle and sweet, but passionate and urgent. Days after, Obi-Wan had still carried fading bruises on his skin. Along with memories of himself leaving similar marks on Anakin's.

This time, Obi-Wan didn't feel the insistent, immediate heat of desire coursing through his veins as he used his grip on Anakin's neck to gently tug his head down. Only a pleasant, languorous warmth of deep, unwavering love.

Anakin looked startled, his expression flicking from confusion to hope and back again, but he made no move to stop Obi-Wan from bringing their mouths together in a soft, tentative kiss.

Anakin went pliant against Obi-Wan, his hands settling on Obi-Wan's waist; not quite holding so much as resting there. 

Obi-Wan wound his fingers into Anakin's hair, deepening the kiss. Anakin let out a soft sound and then - slowly, tentatively - began kissing back.

This is where you belong, a voice whispered in the back of Obi-Wan's mind. Now, tomorrow, always.

Obi-Wan could not deny the truth of it. Would not deny it. Not any longer.

Reluctantly, Obi-Wan broke the kiss, tipping his forehead against Anakin's. 

"What is this?" Anakin demanded - pleaded - breathlessly, his fingers closing tighter around Obi-Wan's waist, bunching the fabric of Obi-Wan's borrowed tunic. "I thought-" Anakin's words tapered off into unsteady breaths, warm against Obi-Wan's face.

Obi-Wan brushed a kiss against the corner of Anakin's mouth before pulling back. Not far, just enough so he could look Anakin in the eyes.

Which, at the moment, were clouded by hope and uncertainty in equal measure.

"You don't have to ask for my love, Anakin," Obi-Wan said, the words falling easy from his lips. Far easier than he had expected. He gathered Anakin's face between his hands with infinite care. "It is already yours."

A soft gasp tumbled out of Anakin's mouth, his eyes growing wide. "You love me?" Anakin said, breaking the stunned silence. 

Obi-Wan allowed himself a small smile. "I do," he replied easily, sliding his hands down to the stiff line of Anakin's shoulders.

Anakin stared at Obi-Wan for a distant moment, his brow furrowing. "That night…?"

Obi-Wan swallowed a sigh, the smile slipping from his mouth. In the strictest sense, he would not be lying if he were to claim ignorance. He toyed with the idea for a second, discarding it in the next. This was a fresh start. Hopefully the beginning of something… precious and lasting. To taint it with a lie, no matter how well meaning, would not do. 

Fixing Anakin with a level gaze, Obi-Wan nodded.

Obi-Wan felt the shudder that shook Anakin's body. Didn't try to stop him as he drew back, his expression a riotous storm of hurt and confusion.

"Then why in all hells did you push me away?" Anakin demanded in an unsteady voice, balling his hands into fists. "Why did you lie to me?"

Obi-Wan hesitated for a small moment. "I was afraid."

"Afraid?" Anakin repeated, incredulous. "Of what? Loving me? What was so kark-" Anakin broke off abruptly, his mouth twisting with disdain. "Of course. Attachment," Anakin spat out the last word. "How could I forget the biggest threat to the Jedi Order."

"Not the attachment itself," Obi-Wan corrected mildly. He wasn't surprised by Anakin's vehement disdain. The question of attachment has always been the biggest stumbling block of Anakin's training. Whether it was due to Anakin's past or his temperament, it made little difference in the end. Anakin refused to accept the inherent dangers and conflict of loyalty that stemmed from holding on too tightly to those dear to his heart. "But the consequences of attachment."

Anakin let out a sharp, mirthless laugh, folding his hands across his chest. "Is there a difference?"

A wry smile touched the corner of Obi-Wan's mouth. He was hardly unaware of the irony of their current situation. "Being a Jedi does not equal to carrying a lightsaber or donning these robes," Obi-Wan said softly, gesturing at himself. Anakin brow creased further, his mouth tightening. But he didn't offer a protest. "Even more than duty, it is a commitment. To a set of ideals that goes far beyond one simple life." Obi-Wan squared Anakin with a steady gaze. "Including our most deepest desires."

"Loving you hasn't made me less of a Jedi," Anakin said, fiercely stubborn. Always challenging Obi-Wan. "Not in practice. Only in theory."

"Until the moment comes when you will be forced to choose between what your heart wants and what your duty demands," Obi-Wan pointed out calmly. 

Anakin's jaw tightened, the fire in his eyes blazing brighter, hotter. "It shouldn't be like that," Anakin ground out, desperation and helpless anger simmering around him like a broken halo. "Sacrificing my heart on the altar of duty."

"It is not a sacrifice, but acceptance, Anakin. You know it to be true, even if your heart struggles against it." Obi-Wan let out a deep breath. "Any Jedi could do terrible things with the gifts the Force has bestowed upon us should we forget ourselves and choose the easier path. The one that leads to dark places."

Anakin's face twisted into a pained grimace, gesturing widely. "Why are you telling me this? What's the point of giving me what I want more than anything else in the galaxy if you're just going to take it back?" Anakin made a sharp, broken sound, dragging his fingers through his hair. "That's not honesty, that's cruelty."

Obi-Wan made a half a step forward, then stopped, mindful of the storm of emotions written plainly across Anakin's face. 

For all his experience that had earned him that blasted moniker, Obi-Wan could not help but feel like he was stumbling through this conversation blindly, trying to grasp at calm that kept on slipping through his fingers. 

"For most of us, coming to the Order had not been our decision. It had been made for us. Staying, on the other hand…" Obi-Wan said, his voice steady despite his inner turmoil. "Staying with the Order is not done out of a habit or necessity. Being a Jedi is not a lifelong prison sentence. It is a conscious, willing choice."

Anakin blinked, his expression caught between impatience and confusion. "I'm no longer your Padawan, Obi-Wan. I don't need or want a lecture on the Jedi Order."

Obi-Wan suppressed a sigh. "This is not a lecture, Anakin."

"It sure as hell sounds like a lecture," Anakin snapped. He stared at Obi-Wan for a long moment, the anger on his face slowly morphing into longing. "Do you know how long I've waited to hear you say you love me? Almost as long as I've known you." Anakin paused, his lips twisting unhappily. "Now I wish you'd never said it. Because now I know I'm never going to be your choice. No matter how you feel."

Obi-Wan's throat tightened uncomfortably. He had made the decision. Knew it was the right decision down to the marrow of his bones. But he could not deny that tiny flicker of fear and uncertainty, twisting in the hollow of his chest. This, now, was the final step: giving his decision voice and shape.

Making it final.

"You are wrong, Anakin," Obi-Wan said, fixing Anakin with an open gaze, hiding nothing. "That is the reason I told you how I feel. Because you are my choice. You, not the Jedi Order."

The silence that followed seemed absolute. It made Obi-Wan viscerally aware of every uneven beat of his heart; every rapid breath.

Anakin, who has always been motion incarnate, now stood perfectly still; more a statue than a man. Even his aura in the Force - always shifting, always fluid - seemed frozen, utterly inert.

Betraying nothing. 

As far as Obi-Wan could recall, silence and stillness have never been a cause of unease or concern for him. Quite the opposite. But now, in this liminal space between the echo of his words and Anakin's blank stare, Obi-Wan felt vulnerable, exposed down to his very essence.

One moment turned into two, into three, and with each one, the silence turned more stifling, verging on oppressive.

And then the Force came to life with a burst of nearly violent joy, so strong it made Obi-Wan's knees buckle. He swayed, only to be steadied by a pair of hands wrapping around him, gathering him into a fierce embrace. Embrace that offered everything, demanding everything in return.

Obi-Wan returned the embrace without a moment's hesitation, brushing a kiss against the crown of Anakin's head. He could feel rather than hear Anakin mouthing a litany of I love you against his neck.

Obi-Wan buried his face into Anakin's messy curls, allowing his eyes to drift shut as a sensation of peace and belonging washed over him: steady and grounding, a perfect mirror to Anakin's wild and unchecked passion.

The future no longer felt like a familiar road but a winding maze, filled equally with possibilities and uncertainty. The war, his and Anakin's places in the Jedi Order, Obi-Wan's growing unease concerning Chancellor Palpatine had yet to be addressed, looming like storm clouds on the horizon. 

But that was the future, not the present.

At present, Obi-Wan held on to Anakin with unwavering resolve and was held just as tightly in return. And in that moment, it was more than enough. 

It was everything.