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I Would Ruin Myself

Summary:

James's aunt and uncle have a beach house in the States that they're letting him use the summer before his final year at boarding school. Naturally he invites his best mates along because things are just better when they're all together. And his girlfriend Lily Evans, of course, because the mere thought of spending an entire summer away from her is unthinkable. She invites her girl friends along and that's when things really get interesting for them all.

Notes:

So, this fic came about due to my listening to the bleachers' song 'Rollercoaster' at an opportune moment while thinking of these 4 boys, like I've been doing more and more lately. These idiots (said with love) are keeping me in my happy place. 💗 And then after feeling broadsided by the idea of a road trip, and just immersing myself in the absolute nostalgia and pure ache I've felt for over a year to be reunited with my friends in a capacity such as this, I began to write this out.
I am however deeply grateful for my friends I have online, which is why I'm dedicating this one to them. Thanks to their continued support, cheerleading and love over the years I finally feel capable of writing (however inaccurate/fictional in some ways) about my teen years in a way, as hard as I tried, I wasn't able to thanks to my crippling anxiety and need for perfection. Love you both.
Updates will be slow but (hopefully) worth the wait!! Enjoy!!! 🥰

Chapter 1: Prologue

Chapter Text

“Boys, looks like we’re headed to the States!” James had declared, unceremoniously dropping a letter into Sirius’s lap, which Sirius proceeded to read aloud amid much interruption thanks to Peter and Remus.

“What the hell are you on about, James?” Remus demanded, looking up from the book he’d been engrossed in, rubbing tiredly at his eyes as he did so.

“Blimey, the States! Really? Where abouts, James?” Peter asked excitedly.

Sirius held up a finger to his lips promptly shushing them. “If you lot will kindly let me finish, you’ll find out!” he growled, resuming his reading of James’s letter.

Peter cringed, giving his friends an apologetic smile while Remus on the other hand just let out an annoyed sigh, rolling his eyes at Sirius’s theatrics before waving his hand in a ‘get on with it’ motion.

As it happened James’s aunt and uncle had a vacation home in Rhode Island along the beach that they normally used over the summer. But with the last of their brood, James’s cousin, Genevieve, off to boarding school, they decided to vacation in Fiji.

“Bless her, your aunt has sent photos!” Sirius exclaimed delightedly, passing the pictures of the home and surrounding property over to Peter and Remus. “They couldn’t bear the thought of the Rhode Island home vacant all summer, so they’ve given you permission to use it how you see fit. Lovely. And by that I mean it’s bloody fantastic how you’ve managed to maintain the ‘well brought up nephew of ours’ façade for so long, James. Congratulations, mate,” Sirius continued, a devilish smirk curling his lips.

“Oh, shut it,” James muttered, color flooding his cheeks. “So, you lot in or what?”

“There really was no question, was there?” Sirius asked. “Of course we are. Mind you, once we get abroad we’ll have to find a car with a boot large enough for Remus’s trunk full of books he’ll be bringing with.”

Remus scoffed, his mouth falling open. “I-I bloody will not be taking a trunk full of books along!” he protested. “Two or three novels at the most,” he reluctantly admitted, his mouth turning down into a scowl when his friends laughed at him. “Piss off. Bunch of gits. The lot of you,” he grumbled, placing his chin on his folded arms, which rested on the small table he sat at.

“And yet you want to spend your entire summer with us, don’t you? Lucky bastard,” Sirius teased, batting his eyes, and pursing his lips playfully.

Remus rolled his eyes again, shaking his head, unable to prevent the small, fond smile that graced his features as he and Sirius held each other’s gazes for a moment.

“Are the girls coming along as well?” Remus asked in an attempt to change the subject, mentioning James’s girlfriend Lily Evans and her friends Mary MacDonald, Dorcas Meadowes and Marlene McKinnon who attended the all-girls boarding school a few miles away from their boarding school.

James grinned, his eyes falling to the floor as he ran a hand over the back of his head.

“Course they are, Remus. If you must know I ran it by Lily first,” he admitted, his eyes glazing over slightly as he became lost in thoughts of his girlfriend.

They all glanced in Peter’s direction when the sound of a whip cracking rang through the air. “And this app continues to pay for itself,” Peter said gleefully, holding up his phone.

Sirius and Remus both started laughing once they realized what Peter had done.

“Laugh it up now, boys. I gather you won’t be laughing long once one of the girls shows an interest in the likes of you lot,” James told them with a smug grin.

Remus’s laughter died rather abruptly in his throat once James’s words fully registered. He readily returned his attention to the book in front of him again in an attempt to avoid being dragged along any further into the conversation James was intent on having with them.

Looking at his book also gave him an excuse not to glance in Sirius’s direction again either, like he’d been tempted too more and more as of late.

He wasn’t blind by any means. He’d always been aware on some level that Sirius was attractive. He just wasn’t entirely sure what to do with that information for the time being other than ignore it and hope like hell nothing would change like he feared it would if he investigated things any further.

This road trip James and Lily were intent on them all partaking in seemed like an excellent distraction for whatever he happened to be feeling.

**