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Countless people are dead. Nanami is dead. Kugisaki almost died. Toudou is... injured pretty badly and Inumaki-senpai has lost a limb to them.
Not all of it is their fault, they have been told that. But some of these things... some of them are certainly on Yuuji. Many of these mass funerals are happening because they could not suppress Sukuna. In fact, they're one of the most sought after sorcerers now. People want them dead. Gojou-sensei too. And the headmaster.
Becoming criminals and having to go into hiding is most certainly their fault, too. They won't accept their little group telling them otherwise. They're stranded somewhere in the mountains and it's all Yuuji's fault.
Now that they've swallowed all these fingers... they're dangerous. The control of their body is slipping if they lose focus for even a few seconds. Fifteen fingers of Sukuna are now part of them. They have thought about it and wondered if they shouldn't just let themself get executed as they are now. Only five fingers remain, right? That should not pose an enormous problem. Not to Gojou-sensei and the remaining high class sorcerers.
Regardless, they don't want to die. It's selfish of them, but there's still things they need to do. Nanami is counting on them, as were his last words. Their grandfather said to help people as long as they can. They're strong, so they're a gain for sorcerers, but… they still gotta weigh their usefulness against the danger they house inside.
Their danger is much heavier, obviously. They could lose control and be a bane to even more lives any moment. Is it fair for them to continue living? What would Nanami say… would he agree that they're supposed to do everyone a favour and die?
No. No, he probably would not. He's Nanami after all; his values were hard to grasp, but Yuuji knows that he wouldn't have accepted their early execution. That's just the man he was.
They sit down in a corner of the hideout's kitchen and sigh. They've been hiding with Gojou-sensei for a while now. Fushiguro and Kugisaki are also around. The headmaster's whereabouts are unknown… and so they live with no real plan on how to proceed.
Well, Gojou-sensei has spoken of erasing the higher ups before, whatever he means by that. Maybe he's got the right idea, but Yuuji knows that they're another problem altogether. Higher ups or no, sorcerer society reforming or not… Sukuna will stay a problem. Yuuji will continue being a ticking time bomb.
A breeze enters the room through the broken window, reminding them that it's freezing, even indoors. If they want to survive, their little group should move to somewhere warmer.
If they do, maybe Yuuji will stay behind, waiting to be found or maybe freeze to death.
"I would simply revive you again." Sukuna laughs in their head. Hmm, that's a good point. Unfortunately. Even if they get executed, chances are they'll survive it again. And again. And again.
Actually, they'd have to get killed a great amount of times if they want to end Sukuna. Until his cursed energy runs out, they'll have to die over and over. The way they see it, that must be the only way to successfully end them.
They curl into themself to make themself as small as possible. They know they gotta accept this form of execution - there's no other way they know of - but it still scares them. Dying once was scary already. They're down to die another time to keep Japan safe, too. But being killed over and over again… dying so many times over…
Yuuji hides their face in their knees and clenches their eyes shut. They have no right to be terrified, and yet.
And yet it's exactly what they are. They're not ready to perish.
Not like this.
Toudou would scold them right now, wouldn't he? Saying that they're stronger than this. Telling them that they're not alone. Probably also noting that they don't have to die, that there's other choices. Hah. He's such a weird person, but they kind of miss him right now. His brash attitude in contrast to his more mature side… he would knock some sense into them no matter how.
They seriously hope he's well. Maybe he's even visiting a handshake event with Takada? They hope he's doing that at the moment… and that he soon forgets about them.
Well, that last bit was a lie. They adore Toudou, they know he can be hard to get along with but he's a good person. They don't want him to forget them. Just like they hope they'll be surrounded by people on their deathbed, they also want to be remembered. In a positive way, with a smile or a laugh…
Ah, it's seriously cold in here. Their fingertips are starting to feel numb. They don't know what to do with themself. The voice in their head says to go talk to someone, to figure out what to do from here on out, but they ignore it. They can't bother their little group with their nonsense. Each of them has their own problems to deal with already.
Yuuji can't simply put theirs on top of that. No way will they do that.
The sorry excuse of a front door to the wrecked house they use as a hideout squeaks. Footsteps follow… just one person. Sounds like Gojou-sensei, with the slight skip in his step. Humming joins the movements - yep, it's definitely him.
They can't be seen like this. They need to get up and act like they usually would. Spry and a bit silly, positive and energetic.
Usually, they'd be able to do that in a split second, but their mood is especially bad by now. Plus, their feet are asleep so moving them hurts and getting up seems impossible like this.
Gojou-sensei appears to be making a beeline for the kitchen. There's no way to avoid being seen like this anymore.
What kind of excuse do they have? A good lie… they need a good, believable lie…
"Yo, Yuuji. What are you doing down there?" Their teacher greets and sets a heavy paper bag down on the old counter next to them. They rub their head sheepishly and offer a crooked smile.
"Fell asleep here. Now my legs are stiff." They almost trip over their own words trying to get the lie out as soon as possible. They begin moving their left leg a bit, easing away the numbness slowly.
"Is that so?" Gojou-sensei muses, shuffling around the room to put various cans and instant meals away.
He actually believed them? Even thought that was a lame as heck lie? No, wait… would he really be fooled so easily? No way, no way.
A bottle of cola appears in their vision almost as soon as he's done. It wiggles back and forth until they take it. Gojou-sensei follows the bottle, crouching down in front of them. "Go ahead, drink."
Hmm, cola does seem heaven sent right now. They didn't even notice how thirsty they actually are. They unscrew the cap, listening to the comforting hissing for a moment and take a sip of sugary goodness. Ah… it's been forever since they've had cola…
"Thank you, Gojou-sensei." They screw the bottle shut again, already thinking of saving as many resources as they can.
Their teacher doesn't move, probably watches them closely. If they guess right, he's waiting for them to admit that they lied. Or something. One can never tell with this person.
"Sooooo." He suddenly exclaims, also plopping down on the floor and crossing his legs. "Why the gloomy mood? And don't think I'll fall for your lies."
Aha. He does have them all figured out. They suppose they can come out and pose a question of their own instead of spilling all that's in their head. A completely hypothetical question.
"Sensei, if I asked you to." They look at his blindfold pensively. "Would you kill me right now?"
They watch his thin eyebrows furrow. He keeps quiet for a long, few seconds, but then shakes his head. "I wouldn't!"
Of course not. What did they expect?
"Why would you even ask that?" He stretches his arms above his head and sighs quietly.
"I mean, isn't it best to erase fifteen fingers in one swoop?" They lower their gaze. "That'd leave only five. Not enough to cause severe damage and besides, I… am not sure I should exist anymore at this point."
It's out. The thing they've been considering and what they've been pondering about. In the open. It sounded plausible in their head, it still does, but confessing it to sensei they feel stupid. Almost embarrassed.
At least he doesn't laugh at them, right?
"Why would you want to die?" Gojou-sensei sounds like he can't wrap his head around their words. "I get that a lot of things happened. You aren't responsible for the deaths in Shibuya, though. You may be his vessel, but you're not Sukuna, you know?"
Ugh. He doesn't get it. "But I'm supposed to suppress him so he won't do things like that!"
"They fed you a bunch of fingers at once." He shrugs, reaching out and pushing the bottle to their chest. "It's like drinking a bottle of sake in one go and trying to remain sober. Impossible. We don't blame you. C'mon, drink some more."
They comply and have a couple more sips. So Gojou-sensei doesn't blame them. Kugisaki and Fushiguro probably don't either. But the rest of Japan… and even they, themself, believe that they're guilty here.
Sukuna laughs. They clench a fist.
"Sensei, you're wrong." They hate being disrespectful towards sensei, but they need him to understand. "He's become so strong, one day I won't be able to keep him down. Even now, he tries his hardest to claim my body."
Gojou-sensei takes a deep breath and bends forward a bit, coming closer to their face. "You're not giving yourself enough credit here, Yuuji. Had anyone else eaten just one finger, they would surely have lost to Sukuna immediately."
That is probably true, ever since the night their grandfather died, people left and right have implied their confusion about Yuuji. And about their ability to suppress Sukuna. Back then they'd been so confused about that; it seemed just normal that they'd be able to control their own body.
Nowadays, though, they've begun to understand why sorcerers are so bewildered by them.
"See? I'm right, aren't I?" Gojou-sensei chuckles. "I know it's getting harder to contain him, but don't worry about that. You still got me to stop him after all!"
He gives a big, dopey smile and points a thumb at himself.
That's so like him, they begin to feel a lump in their throat. If they say another word, there'll be tears. So they nod slowly, trying to find the strength to have faith in him. He… has guided them through so many obstacles and even now he does his best to help them.
They've never had a teacher this amazing before. Though Gojou-sensei is also the strangest teacher ever. In short, they adore him. He… may even be kind of like the father or older brother they never had.
Their effort to contain their tears is fruitless as soon as he does something very fatherly - he ruffles their hair. His big smile is still directed at them.
Yuuji's cheeks become wet in a matter of seconds. Stupid, stupid tears. Damn it. Why do they have to cry?
"Oh no." Gojou-sensei sighs, getting off the floor. "Wait right there, Yuuji."
He moves… somewhere. They wipe at their eyes, but the tears keep coming. Are they shaking? They can't tell what's going on anymore.
That is, until they hear their sensei call out--
"Meeeeee-gu-miiiiiiii!"
His voice echoes around the house and soon sluggish footsteps approach. It's… it's Megumi?
"What." Megumi grouches somewhere close by. Shit, they don't want him to see them crying. And damn it, they crave his presence at the same time. They don't know anymore.
"You take it from here." Gojou-sensei laughs nonchalantly, leaving the room. That, too, is so like him. Acting like he has no care in the world, yet pulling all the strings perfectly.
It takes a moment for Megumi to notice them, and only half of one for him to get to their side. They want to hide their face, but they don't. He's already seen anyway.
"Yuuji. What happened?" He gets to his knees in front of them, concern plain visible in his eyes. "Did that idiot do something to you?"
They shake their head wildly. No, quite the opposite, but they don't trust their voice right now. They don't wanna talk anyway. All they crave is some comfort. Whether they deserve it or not is a question they'll think about later.
For now they simply reach out a hand and clench the front of Megumi's hoodie. They look into his eyes, hoping he gets what they're asking for.
He opens his arms and pulls them into a hug. Thank god he understood. They don't want him to let go for a long while.
"Don't worry, I got you." Megumi's chest is vibrating against theirs as he speaks. They relish in the sensation and his warmth. Thank god he's here… thank god they have him in their life…
They bury their head in the soft fabric of his hoodie and try to take deep breaths. They attempt to match his breathing.
"Thank you." They mutter once they trust their voice to be somewhat steady again. Their head hurts.
Megumi doesn't reply, he simply kisses their hair and continues to hold them. He only speaks up after a while. "Want to talk?"
"Yeah. But not here." This time, when they attempt to move, they can barely feel their butt. Well, at least their legs aren't numb any more…
Megumi retracts his arms and moves to get to his feet. He offers them a hand and continues to hold it even after they're up. They take advantage of that and pull him along to their shared room. They make him sit on the single, damaged bed with them. That's much better; the mattress is soft at least and it's definitely warmer in this room.
Megumi wraps the blanket around the two of them and Yuuji watches the dust float around the shabby room. They're cozy and their body is mostly warm again now.
He doesn't say anything, doesn't urge them on to talk, but he does wrap an arm around their waist and keeps ahold of them. They know how he loves doing that; their theory is that he likes knowing they're with him. That he's not alone.
Makes it two of them; Yuuji also relishes in the same feeling. Megumi is… he means so much to them. They lean against his shoulder and take a breath.
No time like the present, haha.
"You know, when they fed me all these fingers while I was knocked out." They decide to start there, because it's basically where everything went wrong. "Gojou-sensei said that it was too much of Sukuna to take in at once and that I couldn't have controlled it. He's right; Sukuna took over and killed all these innocent people. He injured Inumaki-senpai. It's hard not to blame myself for letting that happen."
"We don't blame you." He notes pensively. "You know that."
"Yeah, but I believe you all should." Yuuji argues. They may have gotten over some things done thanks to their sensei, but not over everything. "Regardless of whether I can or not, it is my duty to keep him restrained. I failed to do that. People died. That makes me their murderer."
"You're wrong." Megumi frowns. "Like you said, it was too many fingers at once. The blame doesn't lie with you."
"It does." They shoot back. But disregarding even that… "Earlier I was thinking it'd be best if I died right here and now when Gojou-sensei found me in the kitchen. Because it'd be fifteen fingers gone. Because Sukuna wouldn't be able to pose as much of a threat anymore."
"No." He states and pulls them even closer to his side. "You're not dying."
He's adorable. Doesn't he know that regardless of when, they'll get executed anyway?
They're still scared of that.
"The sorcery world is a mess right now, but that doesn't really concern me. My execution is going to happen one way or another." They look at their lap. "I decided to not die for now, because Gojou-sensei said he won't kill me. That, and he promised to handle Sukuna if I slip up, so there's no reason to die just yet."
"You've properly digested the fingers now, right? He shouldn't come out anytime soon." Megumi leans his head against theirs. He's all tense next to them. Yeah, anyone would assume they'd regain their usual control, wouldn't they?
"I don't think that's how it works anymore." They place their hand over his on their waist. "It's getting hard to keep him in check. He's constantly trying to resurface now that he's become so much stronger."
Megumi stays quiet for a bit, but they can basically hear him think hard about how to solve their problem. He's so adorable. They want to stay next to him.
"I'm scared." They admit quietly. "I was thinking of my execution earlier and I realized that… that…"
They can't say that they're gonna have to die multiple times. They can't bring it out. They don't want to think about it.
"Stop." Megumi says. There's resolve in his voice. "I will not let you get executed."
"There's no way around it. It's already been decided months ago." Yuuji can't meet his eyes. It hurts too much. "The decision to execute me is the right one. Sukuna has to die. I have to die."
"No." He refuses again, resolve never wavering. It's painful to witness him like this.
"Well, at least it'll take a bit longer." They muse lowly. "I'd be happy if these fingers never showed up, but it'd be a danger for innocent people. Hopefully we'll find them soon."
"Don't eat them." Megumi suggests. "We can seal them and--"
"No, they need to be destroyed." Yuuji cuts in. "Once and for all. I'm the only one who can aid with that."
"Yuuji." He breathes, turning his head.
"Remember when Sukuna revived me?" They have to softly chuckle. "If they want to exorcise him, they'll have to kill me more than a few times for it to be effective."
They're so damn scared, who are they kidding?
"Yuuji." Megumi repeats, a little louder this time. Is there anything left to say?
"I'm terrified, Megumi." They admit quietly. Their hands begin to shake. "Isn't that funny?"
"Yuuji." He says again. He removes his hand from their waist and uses both of his to cup their face. He makes them look at him. Why is he still so determined?
This is unfair. He should just give up, there's no way around their fate.
"I don't want to die." They feel the lump in their throat returning. At the same time, they just want to laugh. "I want to live, Megumi."
He kisses them. Tears start flowing, probably even worse than before. Their head… hurts…
"You will not die." He whispers. It's a promise, Yuuji thinks.
Can he keep it, though? They have to grin thinking of it.
Megumi has never disappointed them after all.