Chapter Text
Today was the day.
No one thought this would happen this soon but here they are. Five years and Wen Ning can’t believe this was finally happening. When that clock struck 10 o’clock, everything will change. Oh god.
Wen Ning stood in the middle of the room, nervously biting the nail of his thumb as he looks at the time of the clock on the wall. A few minutes more until he has to be at the hall. Or somewhere else than here.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why the fuck is he stalling when he should be gone by now?!
He has to make a choice, he already has but his legs are unable to move and his heart is beating so fast. He is already sweating buckets and if Wen Qing saw him one more time messing up his hair with him pushing them back with his fingers, Wen Ning will get chewed by that sister of his. He glances around the room, decorated beautifully in all whites and creams with some cute flowers of red roses and white babies breath all around. This was only one room decorated, the hall outside was more gorgeous.
Wen Ning’s gaze lands on the standing mirror by the window. He looks at his reflection.
The suit was well-tailored, cost more than his part-time job salary. A classic medium grey suit and tie with a black shirt. The two black and white diamond stud earrings on his right ear the black on his cartilage and the white on his lobe, a birthday gift from them a year ago, shines from the gentle sunlight through the window. The suit fits him perfectly and even jiejie told him he looks dashing. Wen Ning even cut his long hair for this just because it would suit this style more and…a new beginning for him.
Wen Ning should have tried harder to stop that person from purchasing this suit for him. Now he owes him.
“Keep staring and your reflection might pop out,”
A voice teasingly whispered at his side as a hand places itself on his left shoulder. Wen Ning was startled a bit but hearing that familiar voice, he lets out a sigh of relief.
“A-Sang, you’re late,” he softly chastised his friend.
“Fashionably late, thank you very much,” his friend elegantly smirks behind that fan of his. It looks new, Nie Huaisang’s older brother probably bought it for him. And pair with that beautiful royal blue cloths with golden pattern kimono, only someone like Nie Huaisang could wear something feminine and completely look gorgeous in it. Said man gives the once-over to Wen Ning and whistles, please with what he sees. “A-Ning, if I knew you would clean up so nicely, I would have stolen you away back then,” Nie Huaisang replaces his hand with his chin on Wen Ning’s shoulder and wraps his arms around Wen Ning’s waist, humming as he watches their reflection.
Wen Ning lays his back against the man’s chest.
“Nie Minjue would hunt me down,” he murmurs.
“Hmm, dage can be very possessive but I think I can persuade him, he does have a soft spot for you,” Nie Huaisang confesses, cuddling closer. Wen Ning couldn’t help but giggle, his lips forming a tired smile.
Nie Huaisang watches closely at the mirror and frowns.
“Your eye-bags are hideous. Did you not sleep yesterday?”
“…I couldn’t sleep,”
“A-Ning,” Nie Huaisang uttered his name in disappointment as he turns Wen Ning to face him. “There is still time, I can stall them for you,” he reminded his friend, holding both Wen Ning’s cheeks with his palms so that this person would not look away from him.
Wen Ning smiles shakily to Nie Huaisang, placing his hand at the back of one of those hands. He shook his head.
“I can’t do that. I promise I would be there for him,”
“He hurt you, Wen Ning. How can you still go back to him every single time?” Nie Huaisang questioned, trying to convince Wen Ning to just leave but he couldn’t do that. How could he leave his childhood friend? How could he leave his dear Wei Ying?
Huh, isn’t he doing just that. Such a hypocrite. This is the least he can do before he takes the next step.
“You know why, Nie Huaisang,”
Nie Huaisang lets out a sigh. “Foolish Wen Ning, always so selfless,” he helplessly says, putting their foreheads together. “The car will be outside after the event. When its official, make sure you get into the ride so you won’t miss the departure,”
“Thank you, A-Sang. Thank you so much,”
“Just…just call me when you get there,”
“Hmm, promise,”
“Oh~ am I disturbing a moment?”
The two men turn their heads towards the source of the voice and Wen Ning had to stop himself from loudly gasping when he lays eyes on the most beautiful person he has ever known.
Nie Huaisang saw his reaction and swiftly assisted Wen Ning by addressing the person. He taps the closed folding fan to his palm and sweetly smiles at their snooper.
“Oh you know, just telling this puppy that he should stop wandering around and stay put,” he gives a pointed look to Wen Ning who at least looks ashamed.
Wen Ning looks at the young man grinning brightly at them as he walks and stands in front of him, a bit red in the face and just as beautiful as ever.
“So…how do I look?” he playfully twirls around showing them his overall appearance. “Not too weird I hope,” despite looking confident there was still a small amount of doubt in his voice. He lightly scratches his cheek and glances at Wen Ning, nervously waiting for him to respond.
Wen Ning looks at them, heart beating so loudly that his ears could hear it and just stood there mesmerised with this person in front of him. He was wearing a suit with an all-black assemble from his coat to his shirt and trousers until his shoes. The only pop of colour was the red tie and the white diamond stud on the lobe and the blue gem loop helix on the left cartilage of his ear. Their usual short messy hair was style to still be messy but in a roguish way. The wavy bangs usually left alone were push to the side giving a clear look of this person’s attractive features. He was smiling so brightly showing white teeth, cheeks red and their grey-purplish irises were shining with anticipation to what would occur in the next couple of minutes.
His childhood friend was glowing in happiness and he was breathtaking.
Wen Ning was so happy for him despite how much his own heart was breaking.
“Wei Ying…you look beautiful,” he confesses, getting teary eye a bit looking at his friend.
Wei Ying giggles, the blush on his cheeks really bringing out the youthfulness in him. A strand of hair falls behind his ear due to the laughter and Wen Ning wants to push it back but he can’t, it isn’t his role anymore.
A pair of purple irises watch Wen Ning beneath fluttering, dark lashes, never once moving their gaze anywhere else, even ignoring Nie Huaisang who was watching them carefully with his gaze above his now opened fan.
“You too, A-Ning. I knew you would look good in this suit. Worth it,” Wei Ying complimented him, placing his hands and smoothing the jacket down. Wen Ning flushed, moving his gaze to any place but Wei Ying. He ignores the heat from those palms and calms his heart down, not wanting Wei Ying to notice the fast thumps of his heart.
They stood there in long silence.
Nie Huaisang decides he had intruded long enough.
“Well, I should wait outside with the rest. Dage is probably looking for me. Wen Ning, make sure this one gets there on time or else we’ll have to answer him. Ta ta,” he waves an elegant hand at them, exiting the room with a knowing look before Wen Ning could stop him from leaving.
The door closes with a soft thud.
Wei Ying hums and suddenly hugs Wen Ning, breathing in the calming scent that is entirely Wen Ning’s; fresh herbs and lilies. Weirdly, Wen Ning isn’t hugging him back like usual but Wei Ying does not question it with only the thought of needing his Wen Ning to calm himself. He is currently too nervous and Wen Ning always made him feel comfortable and safe. Like now.
“It’s just you and me now,” he whispers.
Wen Ning gulps, feeling skittish, “Ye-yeah,” he stutters out.
Wen Ning feels uncomfortable.
He has never felt uncomfortable around Wei Ying and its been a long time since he has been nervous when Wei Ying touches him. It took him until high school to stop blubbering around and enjoy the friendly and warm touches the man gives him. Wei Ying is very affectionate and shows his love to people with touches, hugs and cheek kisses and Wen Ning was usually his victim of choice.
(He loves it, he can’t imagine not receiving affection from Wei Ying but…he probably has to. They can’t continue this way anymore.)
Now, he just wants to push Wei Ying away and stop these feelings. His childhood friend’s touch burns and Wen Ning feels sick to his stomach, the guilt churning inside making him anxious and restless. He doesn’t know if the decision he made was right and it pains him to imagine Wei Ying’s face when he’ll receive the news. He doesn’t want Wei Ying to hate him but he knows the man will after this.
“I’m so nervous. I took a glimpse outside from the changing room and saw the people coming in. Fuck Wei Ying, it’s making me think all sorts of unnecessary things,” Wei Ying softly complained his worries to him, hugging Wen Ning’s waist tighter as he burrowed his face to the side of his (Wen Ning) neck.
Wen Ning, hands away from his friend, felt bad. He awkwardly hugs back and lets out a long exhale, ignoring the fluttering in his heart of being this close to Wei Ying and the tears threatening to fall.
“Jitters I assume. Madam said its normal,” he reassures Wei Ying but hears a huff from the young man.
“Mom told me its normal to get nervous but if I knew it was like this, I would have ditch everything and just go to Vegas. A small ceremony with just me, you and him are enough,” Wei Ying childishly grumbles out, using one hand up to play with Wen Ning’s short strands while the other still around their waist.
He fucking misses the long and soft ebony locks. What in the world made Wen Ning cut it? He swears, a pair of scissors will never come near his A-Ning’s head!
“Please don’t do that,” he helplessly admonishes which made Wei Ying laugh before his laughter lowers down a soft chuckle.
“…you think he’ll like it?” insecurity lace in that tone, worried again with his clothes and appearance. Too neat, he misses his ripped jeans and big hoodies.
Dummy Wei Ying, of course he’ll love it. He loves you.
“You could get out there naked wearing only a trash bag and he’ll still love you. We should avoid that, don’t want Elder Lan to pass out. Again,” Wen Ning grimaced, reminded of the incident from last summer. He doesn’t remember what happened that night but he knows that all three of them got drunk and Lan Qiren got traumatised by them. Poor guy.
Wen Ning should avoid drinking excessively.
“Haha, you’re right. It’s still nerve-wracking though, can you…can you walk with me together with dad?”
“…you know I can’t Wei Ying, its…inappropriate but don’t worry. I’ll be there watching until you reach him. I promise you, everything will be fine,” Wen Ning rubs Wei Ying’s back, hoping it’ll help in calming his friend down.
“Hmm okay. Thank you for being here for me, Wen Ning. I don’t know what I would do without you here by my side. I’m glad, I’m glad I took your hand that time. You’re the greatest thing that has happened to me. Promise me nothing will change between us? I want our friendship to still be as strong as ever and nothing, even with today’s event and the future to come, will change that. Promise me, please?” Wei Ying strongly beseeched as he pushes himself back to look at Wen Ning still with his arms around him, eyes pleading him to say yes and his hold on Wen Ning’s waist tight, not letting him run, not until he answers Wei Ying.
Wen Ning stood there silently just looking at Wei Ying. He did not say anything and Wei Ying was getting frustrated. He was about to push the issue again until he gets his answer but was then surprised to hear soft laughter from Wen Ning. The man nods his head.
“Alright, I promise. Nothing will change between us, I will still be your best friend until my last breath and still be there for you even when I am far. Wei Ying, you’re important to me and that will never change,” he stops himself and contemplates before firmly making the decision.
Just this once, I want to be selfish.
He looks at Wei Ying adoringly, both his palms on the man’s cheeks and memorises every feature and curve of their face and imagines every lovely facial expression of theirs. This would be the last time before everything changes. He wants to remember it all.
He takes a deep breath and speaks of the only truth he knows in his heart.
“Wei Ying, I love you,”
The bell rings loudly outside.
And its time.
*****
“ Lan Wangji, do you take this man as your husband?”
“I do,” a small and pure smile from a beautiful and regal man.
“Wei Wuxian, do you take Lan Wangji as your husband?”
“I do,” bright and infectious laughter fills the room despite the happy tears falling from purple irises.
“Then it is my honour to pronounce both of you as husbands and partners in life. You may now kiss,”
Wen Ning watches as they hold each other with the sort of intimacy that only soulmates would have, familiar and natural, as lips touch together in a soft and gentle pace showing their love to everyone watching. Many were cheering, crying in happiness and standing to applause. Wen Ning watches from far behind, hidden from view as numbness surrounds his body and tears endlessly fall.
Truly a beautiful and perfect pair.
Always too late Wen Qionglin, always too many steps left behind.
Always a coward and always will be. A liar too.
At least what he promised Wei Ying was the truth, nothing between them will ever change.
Congratulations, I am truly happy for you both. And forgive me.
Be happy. Please be happy, that is what I want for you two.
Please.
*****
“Yeah, they just announce the arrival. The gate should be open soon…No jiejie, don’t tell anyone. Only you and A-Sang know where I’m headed and I like to keep it that way…I’ll tell the both of you my new phone number when I get there…Jiejie stop, this is final. I am not coming back until I’m ready, please understand. And promise me, don’t you tell them where I am. Promise me, Wen Qing…Thank you jiejie and sorry for being an unreasonable didi. I should go now, wish me luck…Hmm, bye jie,”
Wen Ning ends the call with a sigh. He looks at the screen and notices the many notifications and calls coming in especially from the same two numbers. Even Jiang Wanyin, who dislike him since childhood, called him a few times and send him a message saying ‘Where the fuck are you?! Wei Ying won’t stop bothering us! Text him will you’. There was even a red angry emoji with fumes coming out of its head sent. That’s how Wen Ning knows how frustrated the man was since he seldom sent an emoji to anyone except when he is serious.
Fuck, he feels bad for Jiang Wanyin. He knows how Wei Ying can get when he doesn’t understand what’s going on and usually he would pester anyone for an answer. Unfortunately, Jiang Wanyin became his target and the man doesn’t know anything, as he should. Wen Ning made sure no one knew where he was and where he was going.
“Boarding gate 5 to Paris, France is open. Passengers who have a flight to Paris, France please head towards boarding gate 5. Thank you,”
From where he sat, Wen Ning saw the doors of gate 5 open and the sign above it lighting up signalling ‘boarding’. People lined up in an orderly manner and entered into the passage heading inside the plane after their passports were checked. Wen Ning had not moved from his seat and was listlessly watching as people pass by him.
He needs to move. Move Wen Qionglin!
His mobile rings again and without looking at the caller’s name, answers the call in exasperation.
“Jie, I told you I’m not com-,”
“Wen Qionglin,”
Cold fear spreads all over his body, making Wen Ning sat there frozen in his seat.
Shit, he should have seen who had called. He has been ignoring their calls and texts since he disappeared from the wedding after everyone headed to the dining hall. And he just had to answer this particular call thinking it was Wen Qing attempting to change Wen Ning’s mind again. What bad luck.
But he would have never expected this person to call him when they rarely interact with each other despite having the same friend group especially with Wei Ying being the centre among their friends. Can Wen Ning even be considered their friend when the only reason he was in their group was because Wei Ying introduced him? The only person he is close too in their uni days is Nie Huaisang.
Shit, nows not the time to be depress about that. He should quickly answer the person on the other line.
“Lan Wangji, h-hi. You sho-should be at the hotel before leaving for tomorrow’s honeymoon. Is something…wrong?” Wen Ning tentatively asked, fiddling with the string of his hoody, looking at the gate where the plane he should have already boarded was. His foot keeps tapping nervously, one of many nervous habits he has.
There was a long silence in the line. Wen Ning thought he was being ignored but the man but he then hears an exhale of relief (?) from Lan Wangji.
“Nothing is wrong, just you not answering Wei Ying’s calls. Are you okay?” Lan Wangji asked, his tone of voice blank but he can hear a bit of anger in it. The man must be angry at him for not answering his husband’s call and had to use his mobile to call Wen Ning. Still, he doesn’t need to speak like that to him. At least he asked if Wen Ning was okay.
“I’m fine, Lan Wangji. I…someone in the shop needed me to fill in for their shift, that is why I was gone. Sorry,” he quickly comes out with an excuse and lies, hoping Lan Wangji will believe him.
There was a disgruntled sound from Lan Wangji. “I’ll pick you up after your shift,”
“Wha-don’t!” Wen Ning said out loudly, catching the other peoples’ attention. He puts his hoody up and hides his face, toning down his voice. “Lan Wangji, you don’t need to do that. Enjoy your night with Wei Ying and get some rest, tomorrow you’re on your honeymoon,” Wen Ning reasoned, feeling stupefied with the man’s sudden care. Lan Wangji does pick him up from work when Wei Ying asked to, but for him to pick him up after his wedding, what is going on in his head?
He hears the flight hostess announcing the final boarding and starts to get anxious. He has to move. Move!
Wen Ning stands and shakily pulls his luggage as he heads towards the gate. He has to end the call, he has to leave everything behind.
“Wan-Wangji, I need to go,” Wen Ning says to the man and also as a way to convince himself.
But Lan Wangji was always someone who quickly caught onto things.
“Wen Qionglin…where actually are you?” the man’s voice has turn serious.
“Work,” he’s not lying.
“Wen Qionglin, calm down and talk to me. If not, I will pass the call to Wei Ying,”
“Don’t, please. Just enjoy tomorrow and forget about this. You won’t need to think about me when both of you are in Venice. Lan Wangji, I need to go but promise me this, promise me to take care of Wei Ying okay? Be good to him,” Wen Ning stands in front of the stewardess, he hands his ticket for checking to her.
The man on the line is not answering him.
Wen Ning needs to leave.
“Lan Zhan, please,” he begs.
“My name, you…I promise. There I said it, now tell me where you are,” Lan Wangji demanded, his usual neutral tone raised a few tones higher.
Good, Wen Ning can feel assured now with Lan Wangji’s promise to him.
“Sir,” the young lady checking his ticket gives it back to him and gave a sign to disconnect his call before entering into the plane. He quietly apologies to her.
“No, you don’t need to anymore. Also, don’t do anything you don’t want too, I feel bad when you force yourself to spend time with me,” he sadly thinks back to those times how awkward he felt when left alone with the beautiful man who was always displeased to be in the same room as Wen Ning.
“Force? What are you talking about?” confusion can be heard in Lan Wangji’s voice but Wen Ning chooses to ignore this thinking he had misheard the man’s tone.
“Please enjoy your honeymoon with Wei Ying and…tell Wei Ying to take care of himself. Congratulations Lan Wangji,” he confesses this sincerely, wanting to cry but pulling his tears back. It would not be for him to cry in front of strangers. The stewardess is already looking at him weirdly.
He takes a deep breath.
“Thank you for tolerating me and letting me get to know you all these years. I wish…we could have been closer friends, I wanted to get to know you better with no Wei Ying as our middle man,” Wen Ning chuckles wetly. He looks up, forcing the tears to stay put. “Lan Zhan, I really…like you. Goodbye,” he finally confesses.
“Wait, what? Wen Qio-Wen Ning wai-!”
Click.
Wen Ning disconnects the line before he could hear more from the man. He blankly looks at the screen of his phone and again it lights up with Lan Wangji’s name on the screen. He absently rejects the call and shuts down his mobile, keeping it behind his back pocket. It’s time.
Wen Ning addresses the stewardess who looks concerned with him. He directs an awkward smile at her. “Sorry,” he apologies again. The stewardess gives him an understanding smile. “Have a nice flight sir,” “Um, thank you,” he replies to her softly and then steps forward, entering into the aeroplane.
Time to move on and no looking back. It’s time he learns to experience new things and love himself cause if he is destine to love those who will never be in love with him than its better if he learns how to cherish himself first.
Because at the end of the day, the one thing that can love and protect you when others don’t is yourself.
Wen Ning needs change and in doing so, he leaves.
*****
“Owner, that smells delicious! Is that a new sweet recipe?” a young girl wearing clips to push her bangs to the side looks over the pass-through window that has a clear view of the kitchen. Inside a man was pulling out a fresh batch of cinnamon rolls from the oven. His hair was tied into a half-bun ponytail and there was a bit of flour on his cheek. After he places the hot tray on the table, he wipes both hands messy with flour on the apron he was wearing.
Wen Ning turns away from the baked goods and smiles at her. “Would you like one?” he asked, already lifting one with a pair of thongs and placing it on a small plate. The girl brightens hearing this and nods happily. “Yes please!” she answers excitingly, both palms out to take the sweet out of Wen Ning’s hand. The café owner chuckles as he places the plate on her palms. “Careful, it’s hot and also, shouldn’t you be minding the front?” he playfully lifts a brow to the girl who gives him a small smile despite the guilty expression on her. “Ah, there aren’t any customers and if there is, Jia Song can handle it,”
“No way! I’m already busy with the drinks. Don’t push your workload on me,” a young man with a piercing on his lip, numerous on both ears and shaved hair at the side complains as he prepares a complicated-looking drink at his station and ends it by expertly putting whip cream on top of the drink’s surface without looking. “Cui Xue, stop being a glutton and do your job. If you don’t have anything to do, go handle the customers at the dining area with Wan Shen,” said man appears with a notepad in hand, an unimpressive look on his handsome face.
“No. I don’t want her. May I remind you what happened the last time she served customers,” the man glowers at Cui Xue who rolls her eyes at him.
“That was just one time, no need to remind me,” she pouts at them before picking up the now warm cinnamon roll and taking a big bite out of it. She then lets out a moan of delight when the sweetness spreads inside her mouth. “Owwer, it’s soooo gwod!” Cui Xue exclaims while still munching on the tasty confection. The crumbs all over her mouth made Wen Ning wipe her mouth with a handkerchief while the other two look at each other and sigh. Such a trouble.
Wan Shen told Jia Song the drink order and to Cui Xue the cakes. He then went behind the counter as they ready the orders and talked to Wen Ning through the opening. “Mr Wen, will you be teaching me how to make your strawberry tart? Or maybe your custard pudding? Oh, how about torte?” the young man excitedly list off one by one of the pastries and cakes Wen Ning’s bakes, his impassiveness starting to lighten up the more he talks about the desserts.
It kinds of reminds Wen Ning of him. Despite the man’s cold and inexpressive expression, he becomes more approachable when someone serves him sweets and desserts especially anything that has blueberries in it. No one would have expected the ever-so-serious Lan Wangji having a sweet-tooth. Wen Ning’s experimental bake goods were usually eaten by him in the name of testing. Wei Ying wasn’t one for sweets, preferring spicy food over sugary cakes so Wen Ning would make things like steam buns with spicy meat fillings or treats that had spices in it like his honey and spice cookies that his friend loves very much and would eat non stop if left alone. Those were good memories.
Hah, what is with him today reminiscing? He should have gone past this.
“Sure, after we close up you can help me prepare for tomorrows batch. Hmm, maybe I should hire someone to serve so you can help me with the kitchen,” Wen Ning contemplates and judging from the wide smile on Wan Shen, it seems to be the right option.
“Really Mr Wen?! Yes!” he pumps his hand up. Wen Ning smiles at that.
“But I’ll need to find someone first to take your place before you can fully work in the kitchen. So, I hope you can be patient until then,”
“Of course! Anything if I can be your official apprentice,” the boy gushes out openly causing Wen Ning to blush.
“App-apprentice? Umm, you really wa-want to be tau-taught by…me?” Wen Ning can’t help but ask, pointing a finger to himself. Wan Shen had said this to him before but Wen Ning thought he was joking. Who would have thought the kid was being serious.
“Ever since I ate your apple pie and blueberry scone, I wanted you to teach me. That’s why I begged you to let me work here,”
Ah. That was embarrassing. The young man had knelt and bowed his head to the floor as Wen Ning was arranging the pastries on the shelves at the front window. Everyone who walked past his little shop stared at them. Wen Ning was startled by the action that he nearly dropped the buns and loaves of bread but thankfully was saved by Cui Xue who caught the tray before it fell.
There was some misunderstanding but in the end, Wen Ning took the kid in and already six months he moved back to Gusu City and the little bakery/café he opened with three employees working with him was thriving. Half of his shop was a bakery while the other half was a café where customers could order drinks and the pastries he made. It wasn’t too small or too big of an area but it was just perfect for Wen Ning. He felt a sense of accomplishment and happy to be called the proud owner of his own business. With him handling the kitchen, Wan Shen who dabbles in both helping him and serving the customers in the dining area, Cui Xue being the cashier and taking care of the bakery side and Jia Song making the drinks and handling both if he wasn’t too busy, his shop was slowly having customers and now they even had regulars dropping in.
Those seven years in Paris really change Wen Ning’s perspective on things. Being given an opportunity to learn and work under one of France’s Pastry Masters in a famous bakery gave him the courage to start his own bakery. At first, he thought working for someone as talented as his teacher was enough and it was, he learnt a lot but the need in him to prove himself that he can be better and improve more became too much and Wen Ning, who had climbed up and worked hard from apprentice to assistant and then head pastry chef, decided it was about time he returned.
Even with him getting invitations to work in restaurants and other bakeries in France, Wen Ning’s heart was still leaning towards his original home. So he said his thanks to his master and friends, promising to come and visit before packing what little of the stuff he has and catching a plane back to China.
He contemplated on renting an apartment and living in Qinghe but the moment he called Wen Qing to inform her of his impromptu arrival, Wen Ning’s fierce sister told him to come back home and here he was living with his sister at the same apartment they have been living since both of them moved from their childhood home and bought a place near the universities in Gusu where they would study in the coming future; she in medicine and he in culinary.
Now, Wen Qing was known as a well-respected cardiologist among her generation. Still…it worries Wen Ning how she hasn’t married yet. Both of them are already in their 30s with his birthday coming up next month. The last time Wen Ning asked her, Wen Qing answered by telling him that she prefers being married to her job than trying to find someone as workaholic as her. Jiejie, that way of thinking is wrong. ‘Sigh’ at least she’s happy.
Wen Ning thought of working as a chef since yeah, he did major in culinary but now ended up as a pastry chef/baker. Being both a chef in dishes and pastries is fun, he always likes feeding people. So that was okay for him. He is very satisfy with what he accomplished. Hehe.
“Well if it’s like that, I’ll teach you everything I know. I hope I can live up to your expectation,” he directs a shy smile to the youth who begins to brim with happiness.
“Thank you, Mr Wen!”
Suddenly, a ball of tissue paper comes flying and hits Wan Shen’s head. The perpetrators were two of his giggling co-workers and then, havoc begins.
Wen Ning sighs but still watches fondly as the three chase around one another and playfully tease. Really makes Wen Ning reminisced back to those days. He promises himself to stay away and forget but sometimes, he can’t help missing them.
*****
“Ah~ it feels great to finish early. Having people to help prepare the ingredients for tomorrow really does make a difference,” Wen Ning mindlessly commented to himself as he walks down the street heading back to his apartment. The cold wind blows pass him and Wen Ning lets out a brrr putting one hand inside the pocket of his hoody, his other hand held a plastic bag with a box of his bakery’s pastries inside. Wen Qing wanted some after dinner.
Despite winter moving on to early spring, it was still cold as it gets nearer to night time. He has always been sensitive to the cold. Winter, as beautiful as it was with the snow, ice and gleaming lights decorating the streets, was a season he could not get used too. Back in France, his friends would laugh at him as he bundles himself up with layer and layers of sweaters, looking like a marshmallow as he walks (more like waddle). He can’t help it okay, the cold always gets to him!
Wen Ning can’t help but always want to feel warm. He recalls back the time his mother made him hot chocolate in winter and holding him close while a blanket wrapped around them as he snuggles with her. His mother would then read storybooks to him until he fell asleep in her arms. As he grew up, storybooks were gone but hot chocolate and snuggling together would always remain. That would always be one of his fondest memories of his mother.
After his parents passing on his second year of high school, Wen Ning couldn’t do any more of that and he could not help but get depressed nearing winter of his parent’s first death anniversary. So it came as a surprise for him when Wei Wuxian invited himself to his room, where he was listlessly sitting on the bed with a blanket over him, and brought for them hot chocolates as he attempts to snuggle the heck out of Wen Ning. For the first time, Wen Ning had ever known the man, not a peep came out from his lips. He just stayed close to him, their shoulders touching together and Wen Ning’s hand tightly held. Only a few words were uttered by Wei Ying at that time but it was everything for Wen Ning.
“Wen Ning, you have me, you aren’t alone anymore so if you want to cry just cry because I promise, I won’t leave you alone and you will always have me by your side. Always A-Ning, always,”
And Wen Ning sobbed as the emotions he pushed down and kept buried escaped. He did not know how long he cried but Wei Ying stayed with him throughout the night. That day Wen Ning realizes he was in love with his childhood friend Wei Wuxian.
Wen Ning always likes Wei Ying and he had a huge crush on his friend since elementary school but never thought much of it (puppy love they said) since Wei Ying is a lovable person and everyone likes him. So Wen Ning’s feeling wasn’t any different but at that moment with the two of them drinking hot chocolate and warming each other with their body heat, Wen Ning knew what he felt for the mischievous and tricky yet kind and loyal friend, it was love.
He never took the first step, cowardice engulfs his whole being thus he left his feelings for Wei Ying alone, opting to continue being ignorant and just staying as friends. Wen Ning did not want to destroy their friendship with his feelings and it continues until they entered university.
Then Wei Ying met Lan Wangji and Wen Ning’s position as designated childhood friend (and sometimes advisor of reason to their group of friends) stayed frozen in place.
He was always too much of a coward and it came back biting him hard.
If Wen Ning had any regret it was disguising his confession to Wei Ying before the wedding as one friend telling the other he loves them. He can almost hear the clucking of chickens mocking him.
Fuck, why is he reminiscing all of this? Wen Ning has been thinking of the past these days and he was doing so good leaving it all behind back in France. Is this because he is back? Nonono, even so he has to continue life normally and move on. He can’t continue pinning after a man who is already married. That’s just pathetic for him.
“Wahhhhhhh!”
Wen Ning broke out from his inner thoughts and heard a child crying. He looks around and the sound seems to be coming from the playground where he was about to past by. Wen Ning looks around and notices that there was no one in sight and it was getting dark too.
Wait…could it possibly be a ghost?!
He wasn’t any good in the supernatural stuff. Wen Ning hated watching scary movies and going to haunted houses (courtesy of Wei Ying and soon joined by Nie Huaisang in uni), he did not do well in scary stuff! He passed out many times because of this. Even as a grown adult who will be reaching 30 soon, he still gets scared. So no way is he going to be an idiot and follow the cry despite how pitiful and scared it sounded. No bloody way. Ignore, ignore, ignore.
“Babaaaaa, wahhhhhh,”
“…damn it,” he gave in
Wen Ning walks into the playground, being watchful of his surroundings for anything that looked suspicious or out of place. As he walks closer to the see-saws, Wen Ning could hear the cry getting louder. It seems to be coming from the slide that is shaped like an elephant. There was a cave structure built under the elephant slide and the crying sounds were echoing from there.
Wen Ning took in a deep breath and braced himself. He walked over to the cave and knelt to look into it.
There was a child inside, a little boy (thanked the heaven it wasn’t a freaking ghost) and he was crying with his head hidden between the space where he pulled his knees to his chest.
Who on earth would leave a child alone especially when it was getting dark?
The child seems to not have noticed him yet. He should probably announce his presence before attempting anything.
“Umm, hi. You okay?” Wen Ning made himself small to look more approachable, not wanting to frighten the child. The child’s body stopped shaking but the child did not lift his head. But Wen Ning did get a word out of them.
“Ba-baba ‘sniff’ told me not to ta-talk to strangers,” a soft, baby-like voice told him, sounding frightened and tearful being addressed but still brave enough to answer.
“You’re right, that’s good advice. But I think in situations like this, it can be an exception. You don’t need to come out but can you tell me if you’re okay or not,” he patiently waited with a smile on his lips despite how much his thighs were hurting from his feet supporting his weigh. Really shows him how much he has aged.
It took a while but the child finally answered him.
“M’fine…b-but have owie on my knee,” the child’s trembling voice upon speaking of his wound made Wen Ning’s heart go soft.
Children had always been a soft spot for him, he wanted one of his own but due to his orientation, well it couldn’t be help. He already thought of adopting a child but the process for a single man to do so was oh so long and tedious but maybe he should try again. Who knows if he might get lucky this time.
“That sounds like it hurt,”
The little head nods up and down, fine soft baby hair flying following the movements. It was cute.
“I can help you clean it up. Uncle has a bandaid and it’ll feel much better if I put it on the wound,” he coaxed the child. Still, the kid stayed at his spot firmly. Can’t blame him, Wen Ning was a stranger.
Wen Ning looks at the box of pastries he was holding.
“You must be hungry. Want some?” he dangles the box in front of the boy.
Small light grey eyes looking at him in interest upon hearing of food but then hesitation crossed their gaze.
“Do-don’t need! Than-,”
Growls~
“…,” “…,” “…waaahhhhh,” the child starts sobbing again, more than being frightened by Wen Ning the cry seems to be of embarrassment. Wen Ning can’t help but chuckle at that which earned him a small glare from the child. Hmm, the glare looks familiar. Like Lan Wan- no. Stop it Wen Ning.
“How about I tell you my name and you tell me your name? So you at least you’ll be more comfortable,” Wen Ning reasoned. He hears a small ‘okay’. “My name is Wen Ning. What’s yours?” he softly asked.
Upon hearing his name, the child quickly lifts his head up, making Wen Ning surprise a bit, and stares at him with a gaze full of wonders. Now that he has a clear view of the kid’s face, Wen Ning can confidently say that the kid is too cute for words.
But why is the child looking at him like that? Is there something on his face?
“Wen…Ning?” the child says his name carefully looking at him voice suspicious laced with excitement as if he didn’t believe Wen Ning at all but wanted to believe in it too. Haha, oddly specific.
“Yes,” he responds.
“Wen Qionglin, A, A-Ning?” the child crawls out from the hole and looks up to him. Wen Ning would have answered him but he was too shocked to do so when he hears his courtesy name being spoken by this unknown child. Wait, does this small person know him.
“Umm, yes my name is Wen Qionglin but how do yo-,”
“A-Ning!”
Wen Ning was suddenly tackled to the ground by a small cannon that causes him to fall on his back with an oomph. Too confuse with what was happening, he lets himself just lay there while the child was crying on him, this time instead of baba he was calling out Wen Ning’s name like a lifeline. Alright, is someone around pranking him or something cause this is just getting weirder by the second!
“A-Ning, A-Ning wuwu A-Yuan finally found A-Ning,” the child, A-Yuan it seems, cried on his hoodie. He was spouting out words Wen Ning could not understand like ‘where did A-Ning go’, ‘A-Yuan wanted to meet A-Ning’ and the cherry on top ‘A-Yuan left the house to meet A-Ning’ which caught his attention.
He pushes his body up with his arms supporting his weight and incredulously stares at light grey eyes smiling at him despite the small tears escaping.
“You what?” he asked, clearly confuse.
“Baba told A-Yuan that A-Ning went somewhere far but, but A-Yuan wanted to meet A-Ning so A-Yuan went out to find A-Ning with Bunbun,” the child explained to him as he crawls back to the hole and pulls out a stuffed bunny. This must be Bunbun.
Pushing that aside, this child.
“You shouldn’t have left home. Your parents must be worried,” Wen Ning gently scolded. A-Yuan looks gloomily at his toy.
“But A-Yuan wanted to find A-Ning. Daddy told A-Yuan lots of story about A-Ning,” he weakly confesses.
So his parents knew him…but none of his friends have children so who-
His hoodie was suddenly tugged and Wen Ning snaps out from his thoughts to address the child who was holding the toy bunny tightly to his chest looking up tearfully at him. “A-Ning, owie hurt,” A-Yuan whines at him before snuggling at his chest.
He has never held a child before so he doesn’t know how to respond. Thinking back to how his friends in Paris held their children, Wen Ning awkwardly pats the child’s back. He holds the child close, the small warmth hugging and cuddling him bringing sudden joy in his heart. He can’t help but sadly smile knowing to have a child of his own was difficult. Hah, he really should discuss his options with Wen Qing.
He looks at A-Yuan’s knee and yep, there is a cut. Nothing too bad, looks to be a superficial wound.
Wen Ning begins to stand, carefully balancing the child in his arms who was all smiles as A-Yuan kept staring at him with those unblinking eyes. He boops the child’s nose which cause A-Yuan to giggle, his laughter like small bells to Wen Ning.
“Okay, I’ll clean your cut and put a bandage on it. After that, we’ll head to the police station to call your parents. They must be worried about you. Promise not to do something like this again, A-Yuan?”
“Hmm, if A-Ning promises to come and visit A-Yuan every day, A-Yuan will promise,” the child grins at him.
Well, well. Quite devious for such a young age, reminds him a lot of Wei Ying when he wants something to go his way. Hah Wen Ning, again with those thoughts. What is with him today recalling back past memories.
“We’ll have to ask your parents but can A-Yuan be a good boy and promise A-Ning first? Please,”
“…mkay,”
“Such a good boy. Pinky promise,” he lifts his hand and shows his pinky.
A-Yuan, understanding what Wen Ning intended, hooked his small pinky finger with his and shook it.
“Pinky promise!” he cheerfully exclaims.
*****
Wen Ning was waiting for A-Yuan’s parents to arrive at the police station while said child was happily eating a pastry Wen Ning had given him, a honey bun filled with strawberry filling. He had gone straight to the station after treating A-Yuan’s cut and reported a lost child to the policeman. A-Yuan, thank heaven for his smart brain, remembers his baba’s phone number and gave the contact to the policeman in charge. The police had promptly called and informed the man who answered, Wen Ning was told that the parents would be arriving soon.
He could have left A-Yuan there and get back home but Wen Ning did not have the heart to so when the child was comfortably sitting on his lap as he chats away from which elementary he went, the pet bunnies he has, his daddy’s terrible cooking to well, many things. A-Yuan was indeed talkative and very active. His parents raise him well.
“-and, and baba is gonna teach A-Yuan guqin! I can’t wait!” he brightly told Wen Ning, looking up eagerly waiting for him to respond. Wen Ning smiles at him and gives a rub to the top of A-Yuan’s head. “A-Yuan is really a smart boy huh,” “Of course! A-Yuan is eight, a big boy,” he proudly stated, as proudly as a little boy who has strawberry cream at the corner of their mouth.
Wen Ning chuckles at that as he wipes away the excess cream with his thumb. They continue conversing with A-Yuan playing Wen Ning’s fingers; rubbing and putting his small palms on top of Wen Ning’s and simply just holding. The small warmth on his lap, talking so enthusiastically to him and smiling so brightly with his red cheeks and soft baby hair swaying around. Wen Ning somehow doesn’t regret leaving the park so quickly, if he didn’t check on who was crying he would have never met little A-Yuan.
He is happy to be able to meet him.
“A-Yuan!” a man shouts into the police station followed by another man who looked worried as him. Wen Ning couldn’t see their faces but judging from the exasperation in their movements as they said to the man in charge of ‘our son A-Yuan’, these two must be the child parents.
Said child does not seem to be unaware of the commotion, too focus on eating another piece of pastry. Wen Ning decides to bring A-Yuan’s attention by pocking a bun-like cheek. A-Yuan looks up at him with a questioning gaze. “A-Yuan, I think your parents are here,” Wen Ning points at two frazzled adults at the front desk, with their backs to them.
Upon hearing of his parents, A-Yuan quickly looks in front and his little body trembles before climbing down from Wen Ning’s lap. “Baba! Daddy!” he cried and dash off to them. The parents hearing their son’s voice promptly turn around and Wen Ning, the smile on his lips glad for A-Yuan being reunited with his baba and daddy as quickly as ever turns into a frown and then shock upon realizing who those people were.
The taller man looks relief when A-Yuan greets them; his hair is still long as ever held in a ponytail with a long white ribbon, dress in his working suit with two buttons off and tie undone and the inexpressiveness that Wen Ning has always known breaks into a small smile when he rubs the top of A-Yuan’s head and his partner who is kneeling on the ground with his arms wrap around the small body; short fluffy hair moving with the shakes of relief upon having his son in his arms, wearing a black sweater and red shorts out in the cold and weak scolding from the man who is just relieved to have his son. Their earrings glint from the light and Wen Ning, feeling self-conscious with his earrings, props his hoody up to hide his identity from being revealed.
He has to get out of here.
Wen Ning, with his head down, attempts to leave the police station since the family of three were preoccupied with each other. He was so close, his feet were already stepping out but his plan fails when a small voice shouts his name from behind.
“A-Ning! Where is A-Ning going?” A-Yuan clamours as he pushes himself out from his daddy’s hug and runs towards Wen Ning, little feet coming towards Wen Ning, heart feeling regretful, when he finally reaches him Wen Ning’s hand is held and the little one asking to be lifted.
Wen Ning does not comply with the child’s simple request. He bites his bottom lip to stop from answering A-Yuan’s call. A-Yuan despite still a child notices Wen Ning’s change of mood and is confused with the cold front the adult was suddenly showing. Not one to give up A-Yuan relentlessly tries to catch Wen Ning’s attention, pulling on the sleeve of his hoody. “A-Ning, A-Ning, pick A-Yuan up please. A-Yuan is a good boy, A-Yuan listens to A-Ning, w-why is A-Ning not tal-talking to A-Yuan?” the small child sniffs before large droplets pour from big, shiny eyes. Wen Ning takes a quick glance and he instantly regrets it.
A-Yuan’s eyes had turned red, his whole face too and he was crying and sniffing so pitifully calling out his name, Wen Ning couldn’t handle it anymore. Wen Ning hesitates but finally picks the child up and held him. A-Yuan instantly wraps his short arms around Wen Ning’s neck and hides his face at the crook where he could feel the warm tears falling on his skin.
Damn it. He couldn’t leave the child to continue crying like this.
Wen Ning starts patting A-Yuan’s back and apologizes for ignoring him as well as calmly telling him its ok. A few shushes mix with small bounces as he pats the boy’s back, A-Yuan cries stop left with only sniffles and quiet whines to Wen Ning not to leave. Oh how much Wen Ning wanted to say yes but he couldn’t, he just couldn’t.
“A-Ning? We-Wen Ning, is that…you?” a voice so familiar and very miss by Wen Ning questions him, tone surprise but hopeful.
He dreads to turn and face this person, never thinking that they would meet again but someone out there really has it for him. With a helpless sigh, Wen Ning turns towards them gaze still on the floor avoiding the stares upon him as he hears a gasp from his long time friend. Does he even dare to consider them friends anymore?
“Wen Ning, it’s you,” the man stated with breathless surprise, not with scorn but of warmth and anticipation. Its painful, to still be treated so kindly when he has done wrong to this person.
The one beside this person does not let out a sound, standing there quietly with the same silence that often intimidates Wen Ning and probably staring down at him with disappointment. Wen Ning guesses since he doesn’t dare to look up but catches glimpse of fists tightly wound hidden behind this other man’s figure and the way their body stands straight still, Wen Ning’s presence is probably not accepted by him.
With good reason.
It is probably better to say something and end this quick.
“Wei…Wuxian, Lan Wangji, its…been long,” he awkwardly greets then, bowing slightly being careful not to jostle A-Yuan who has gotten out from his hiding place to watch the three.
“Too long,” Wei Wuxian chuckles wetly, still not leaving his gaze from Wen Ning. “You look…great,” he softly breaths out, taking the sight in. “Your hair is long again,” he breathlessly ends, the many words running through his mind ended up stuck in his throat.
Wen Ning slowly nods, not knowing what to say but he does know that he needs to go. He steps forward and indicated to Wei Wuxian to take A-Yuan. He does with only the way an experience father knows how when dealing with their fussy child. A-Yuan whines from being separated from Wen Ning but with a few promises of warm chocolate milk and two storybooks before bed with kisses to the chubby cheeks for extra measure, A-Yuan reluctantly agrees to be held by Wei Wuxian but those small gems stare at Wen Ning with a pout.
Wen Ning can’t help but find it cute and pinch a button nose eliciting a bright giggle from A-Yuan who finally smiles.
With that done, his job is done.
“I should…go. It’s getting late,” Wen Ning added and was about to turn away but his wrist was caught by a firm yet shaky grip. He doesn’t need to see who was stopping him.
“We-Wen Ning, its been so long. It’s a pity to leave when we just met. How about a cup of coffee together? Neh, please,” Wei Wuxian beseeched, the grip to Wen Ning’s wrist tightens.
Wen Ning doesn’t look up because if he does, it will be the same as the past, always a yes to whatever this person tells him to do. He can’t say no to those eyes which are always sparkling with mirth and playfulness, lips that are always in a constant and bright smile and expression as free and imaginative as ever.
Its not Wei Wuxian fault for not falling in love with Wen Ning, never his friend’s fault for falling for such a patient, caring and loyal man, a perfect man like Lan Wangji, never both of their faults.
Wen Ning is the one who needs to move on and he likes to believe he has, seven years is enough to forget a lost love that had never happened…isn’t it?
It seems no since Wen Ning still feels those flutters in his stomach and his heart is thumping crazily and his hands are sweating and this is all due to Wei Wuxian touching his hand, just touching and his mind becomes a mess.
So no, he hasn’t moved on.
“I’m sorry,” and with that said, he roughly pulls his hand back and walks out of the police station before tentatively running becoming faster and faster until he knows he is out of their sight and reach ending up surprisingly in front of his apartment which he shares with jiejie.
He bends forward, hands on his knees as he takes in deep breaths, legs shaking and body wanting to fall over. He can still hear Wei Wuxian loudly calling his name, A-Yuan’s cry for him and Lan Wangji’s steps trying to catch him before it fades away. It's cruel, his actions are cruel but its better this way. He has avoided them this far, he knows he can continue this longer.
He is cruel but it's better to be cruel than allow yourself to get hurt, even if it’s a one-sided fight. Even he knows it’s a pathetic reason and he doesn’t care. He lets it because he has always been a coward and a coward he continues to be.
*****
“Owner, you look like you haven’t gotten much sleep,” Cui Xue commented after she finished handling a customer at the cash register. The other two employees were at the side, eavesdropping in the conversation.
They arrived at the café at their usual time and was surprised to see Wen Ning in the dark, mumbling to himself as he kneads dough under his palms. It wasn’t unusual to see their boss early preparing the breads and pastries for the day but in the kitchen with no lights on, looking haggard and unkempt with heavy eye-bags, yikes! He looks like an aimless zombie. Cui Xue was the one force to ask since the other two men were too chicken to do it.
“Ah, oh, I…didn’t get enough sleep yesterday. Too much thinking,” Wen Ning answers pathetically as he puts a tray of cookies inside the oven to bake. He sighs before directing a tired smile to Cui Xue. “Sorry to worry you guys, I’ll be fine. Thank you,” he sincerely conveys to Cui Xue who smiles in understanding but worry still etched on her face. “If you need anything, please rely on us,” she added firmly to which Wen Ning hums his gratitude before the bell above the bakery’s entrance rings and she moves back to the front with a ‘welcome!’ to the customer.
Wen Ning went back to making the next batch of cookies before Cui Xue appears again at the kitchen window.
“Yes?” he asks, not lifting his face from his task of shaping the cookies.
“Owner, someone here is asking for you,”
“Huh, who?” he stops with the task and begins to wipe his hand of flour with the hand towel hanged at the edge of the table.
“Said his your friend,” she shrugs her shoulders.
Friend? A-Sang? Didn’t they promise to meet for dinner this weekend since his art exhibit will be held in Gusu? He’s here early.
“Okay, I’ll be out in a sec,” Wen Ning tells her as he gets himself more presentable. He can hear Cui Xue telling the person to sit at one of the tables in the café as they wait.
After a minute later, he comes out from the kitchen and asks Cui Xue where the person was. She pointed at a table beside the large window in the café where a man was sitting. Wen Ning walks over, a bit distracted as he was greeted by some regulars so he did not notice who actually the person waiting for him was. He reached the table, telling Wan Shen to help with a customer before turning himself and addressing the person.
“Sorry A-Sang, you caught me off guard. Why are...,” Wen Ning stops as his eyes went wide and he steps back, too shock with who he is speaking to. His mouth opens and closes, words unable to come out due to how confuse and startled he is. It doesn’t help when he hears that familiar and missed chuckle coming from one person who always made Wen Ning’s heart thump hard.
“Were you expecting Nie Huaisang? Sorry A-Ning, it seems you have to make do with me,” Wei Wuxian grins as he watches Wen Ning’s funny expression with mirth in his gaze.
Why? How? What? What is Wei Wuxian doing here?!
“Hmm, surprise huh. Wondering how I found you? The pastry box you left with A-Yuan, there was an address on it and A-Yuan told me that A-Ning works in a bakery. I took two and two together and well, here I am,” his hand gestures at himself, trying to lighten the mood but Wen Ning was too stunned to say anything. And Wei Wuxian seems to realize this too.
He slyly takes hold of Wen Ning’s hand, holding it firmly as he gently pulls Wen Ning to stand closer to him. Wen Ning weakly steps forward until he was so close to Wei Wuxian that it seemed like he was in a dream, no, more like a nightmare. Both of his hands are suddenly held by this person who is looking at him so fondly that Wen Ning chokes up.
He wasn’t ready to confront this but Wei Wuxian had enough judging from the resolve on his expression. Wen Ning is finally trap.
“I’m not letting you escape. You have so much explaining to do and I deserve to know why my childhood friend since kindergarten disappear on me after my wedding. We need to talk,”
And Wen Ning knew, he could not run away anymore.