Work Text:
Soobin collapsed on the couch. His legs felt so heavy, he was certain he would never be able to use them again. He'd thought college was hell, turns out what came afterwards was even worse. But if they ever wanted to save up enough money to be able to afford their dreams there wasn't really much of another choice but to work until every bone in their bodies protested. He was looking forward to just holding Yeonjun in his arms for a while before they'd have dinner and go to bed. The evenings with Yeonjun made the early mornings a little easier to bear.
He raised his head when he heard the tell-tale sound of a key turning in a lock and then the front door opened and Yeonjun dragged himself inside. Soobin's heart broke a little at the sight. Yeonjun looked awful. There were dark circles under his eyes, his skin was pale and his face had gotten a lot skinnier. Soobin was worried about him, had been for a while now, because Yeonjun never really knew when to stop. He had the tendency to push himself to his limits and then beyond them. Usually, Soobin would be able to pull him back into reality and slow him down when things got too bad but lately things hadn't been the same between them.
“Hey, honey. How was your day?”
Yeonjun sighed: “Fine.”
He dragged his feet over to where Soobin was sitting and let himself fall on top of him. Soobin barely had enough time to open his arms and catch him. Yeonjun stayed like that for a moment, upper body resting heavily on top of Soobin while his legs dangled into nothingness over the armrest. It took him some effort to eventually shimmy over the armrest and Soobin's lap until he had fully made it to the free space on the couch and curled up against Soobin's side like a cat. Soobin wrapped his arms around him and pulled him a little closer.
“Rough day?”
Yeonjun nodded and Soobin gently kissed the top of his head. They were quiet for a while, sitting in complete silence and staring blankly into space. Neither of them felt like they were really able to recharge anymore and their bodies were exhausted and running almost exclusively on autopilot.
After a while Soobin took a deep breath and said: “I feel like this is the first time since we graduated that I actually get to see you.”
He tried to cushion the blow with a light chuckle at the end but there was no humour to it. He could feel Yeonjun tense up in his arms and braced himself. Perhaps now wasn't the best moment try and talk about their relationship issues. Then again, there was probably no good moment to do it at all.
“Well, it's just not easy to make ends meet. And at least we live together”, his voice sounded tight and like he was trying very hard to keep a grip on himself.
“You know what I mean. We live together but it feels more like we just live beside each other.”
“I guess, that's what being an adult means. And you know, I'm doing my best. It's not easy to balance an exhausting job and a relationship.” He didn't add 'exhausting' to the relationship but Soobin knew that it was implied. He could feel the tension radiate off Yeonjun's body. But he wasn't willing to concede like that. He was working hard, too, and he was not going to allow Yeonjun to imply that he was the only one who was putting in the work.
“Sure, we both work hard. I guess, it just takes a little extra will to put in the work for a relationship as well.” He regretted it almost immediately. Both of them had the habit of getting extremely petty when they were fighting, and it always led to them saying things they didn't mean and hurting the other.
Yeonjun sat up a little straighter and Soobin withdrew his arms from around him.
“Are you suggesting I'm not putting in as much work into our relationship as you do?”
“No”, Soobin shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant. He knew he should stop before things got out of hand but his stubbornness was getting in his way: “I'm just saying, I don't see why both of us being adults now should mean that we just don't take care of our relationship anymore. But it's totally okay if you think differently.”
He saw how Yeonjun's hands were curling into tight fists on top of his knees until his knuckles turned white, fingernails undoubtedly digging into his palms.
“No, I agree”, Yeonjun bit out. “I suppose it would be easier to 'take care of our relationship', as you put it, if one of us wasn't married to his work.”
Soobin gritted his teeth: “Right. It does make a difference if I only see you when you head out the door in the morning and when you're already asleep when I get back from work.”
Yeonjun's head snapped around to him and for a moment he was just staring at him. It made Soobin feel uneasy and he felt himself start to get fidgety under his stare.
“Are you serious?”
Soobin resolved to staying quiet instead of answering.
Yeonjun raised his eyebrows: “You are serious.”
He leaned back against the backrest of the couch and let his head drop down on it so he was looking at the ceiling.
“Wow. That hurts, you know. I'm trying really hard and it's not fair that you don't acknowledge that at all.”
“All I'm saying is, I don't really see you putting in work. I feel like I'm fighting for a lost cause and on top of that, I have to do it all on my own.”
“That is so unfair”, and Soobin could very clearly make out the hurt in his voice, “I'm doing my best. Work is really taxing and I know I don't get to spend a lot of time at home but that's why I always make sure to send you 'good morning'-texts when I don't see you before I leave. Or why I order takeout when you have a long day at work and probably didn't manage to eat again. Or I send you random texts during the day whenever I can because I miss you. It's not fair that you expect some grand gesture of me and that's the only thing that counts, while you completely ignore the efforts I am making.”
Soobin sighed and buried his head in his hands. He ruffled his hair in frustration before he raised his head and gently took one of Yeonjun's hands into his own.
“You're right. I'm being unfair and I'm sorry. I don't want us to fight. It's just... I really miss you. A lot. And I feel like I'm slowly starting to forget what you look like because I just don't get to see you.”
“That's a little overly dramatic”, Yeonjun's lips pulled up into a small smile.
“You know what I mean.”
“I do. And I don't want to fight either. It's just so hard being an adult and having all these responsibilities and things I don't want to do but have to do. I want us to have time for each other but it's so hard to manage.”
“So, let's not fight and talk about it instead. You're the man of my life and I want to figure this out.”
“I do, too, but we don't even really have the time to talk. This is the longest we've spoken to each other in a while and, when you'll look at the time, we should already be having dinner and be about ready to head to bed. And we're gonna need some time to work through this. We really neglected each other and it's gonna take more than a simple talk to work this out.”
“Then we're going to have to figure out how to make time to talk. I don't want to leave things as they are, I want us to fix our relationship. I refuse to lose you to something as stupid as work.”
Yeonjun was quiet for a moment, then he said: “Maybe we should get away. Then we have no choice but to focus on us. And I want us to focus on us.”
“Yeonjun, I love you but getting away is not going to solve our problems. This isn't an instant fix.”
“I know it's not. But it can help us get back on track. If we go somewhere where there's just us we have to focus on us, and just us. No distractions.”
“I guess, you're not entirely wrong. But how are we even going to take time off work?”
“I... don't know that yet, but I'm sure we'll manage to somehow. We'll make it happen. I don't care how, but we're gonna make it happen and we're going to work this out.”
“Come on”, Yeonjun whined, drawing out the last 'o', “I want to get going.”
“I'm coming, I'm coming.”
Soobin slammed the trunk shut and walked around the back of the car to get to the passenger door. He barely had enough time to close the door and fasten his seatbelt before Yeonjun's foot was on the gas pedal and they were driving off.
“Are you sure we remembered everything? Did we lock the door properly? Is the stove turned off?”
“I should hope so, we haven't used the stove in three days”, Yeonjun reached over and briefly squeezed Soobin's hand, “relax, honey. Everything's fine. And Taehyun's just two doors down, he'll take care of anything that needs taking care of.”
“Somehow that doesn't really console me.”
“Point taken. But Beomgyu's also there. And we know that we can trust him.”
“True”, Soobin settled a little more comfortably into his seat, “you're right. It'll all be fine.”
Yeonjun smiled and then turned his focus back to navigating through city traffic. Soobin watched him for a while. He felt a pang in his chest when he realised that this was the first time in a while that he was actually able to properly look at Yeonjun. He was glad their plan had worked out and they had managed to get time off work at the same time. Of course he had no idea where they were headed – it seemed to have become their thing that Yeonjun would find a pretty place that he knew Soobin would approve of and then whisk him away – but he was excited nonetheless. He felt a few knots forming in his stomach at the thought of this not being their average 'get out of the city'-trip but their attempt to salvage their relationship. Soobin really hoped that they could make this work. He didn't want to lose Yeonjun over something so stupid, not with how much he loved him and how he still managed to make his heart beat faster every time he looked at him.
When they finally made it out of the city and left all the skyscrapers and all the noise of the city behind, Soobin felt like a weight had been taken off his chest. He hadn't realised before under how much pressure being in the city put him. To him, the city was inextricably linked to work, exhaustion and a deep sadness that felt like nothing could resolve it. Leaving the city behind felt like leaving all his worries behind, although he knew that he was about to face one of his biggest worries of late head on. But Yeonjun had been so full of faith that they would be able to fix things between them that Soobin wanted to at least try and be positive about it as well.
He watched as the landscape flew by. Summer had passed and they were in the middle of autumn. The trees all around were glowing in red, yellow, orange and gold, and with how fast they were driving it almost looked like the branches were on fire. Colours blurred together and Soobin almost felt like he was watching a piece of art fly by his window. The sky was glowing in bright colours and with the way they were transitioning into one another it appeared as if the sky had been dipped into several different paint buckets. They had left home fairly late since they had both been working late, so the sun was already setting. In order to get to their destination as fast as possible, they were planning on driving through the night. Yeonjun had insisted that he didn't mind driving all the way, but Soobin was so worried about him getting tired while driving that he'd had to concede and let Soobin drive for at least part of the way. That of course still hadn't motivated him to tell Soobin where they were going, he had only told him to follow the instructions of the navigation system, and Soobin was a little pouty that there was absolutely no way to get any information out of him.
After the sun had set and the sky was now covered in thousand and thousand of stars – reminding Soobin of their very first road-trip together – they made a stop at a petrol station. Soobin insisted on switching places for a while since Yeonjun had been driving for a while now and they wanted to get a few snacks for the drive. Yeonjun went to refill the tank while Soobin went to get their snacks and use the bathroom. By the time the tank was filled, Soobin still wasn't back from his snack hunt so Yeonjun went inside the little store to see what was taking him so long.
He had no trouble spotting Soobin in the snack isle. Not only because of his height but above all because his arms were so full of snacks that he dropped a few every once in a while which had him trying to squat down like a pregnant woman to pick them up without dropping any more. Yeonjun arrived just in time to see the snacks spill out of his arms and all over the floor when he tried to grab a bag he had just dropped. Soobin stared at the snacks that were scattered all over the floor and then Yeonjun saw tears well up in his eyes. Without a second thought Yeonjun rushed over. He placed his palms on Soobin's cheeks and lifted his head so he was looking at him.
“Everything's okay, honey. Why are you crying?”
Soobin sniffled a little: “I just wanted to pick the perfect snacks for us because this trip is so important so I want everything to be perfect. But I couldn't make up my mind and now I dropped everything. I'm stupid.”
“Hey, don't say that. You're not stupid, never put yourself down like that. Especially not over something like this. I understand that this is something that's significant in your eyes and I respect that, and if you want us to stay here for the next two hours to pick the perfect snacks together then we'll do that. But I promise you, baby, the snacks won't make or break us.”
“You don't think it's stupid that this is so important to me?”
“Of course I don't. I have no right to judge what's important to you. Although, I kinda have the feeling that this isn't really about the snacks.”
Soobin tried to avoid his eyes and Yeonjun gently brushed his thumb over his cheekbone.
“You're really scared that we won't be able to fix our relationship, aren't you?”
“I'm scared that we let things break too much already and that there's nothing we can do anymore”, Soobin mumbled and sniffled again.
“Baby, look at me. We decide if it's too late to fix this or not. If we're both willing to put in the work, then we will fix this. No matter how broken things might be. This trip might be perfect or it might not be but that will not determine the state our relationship will be in by the end of this.”
Soobin nodded, put his arms around Yeonjun's waist and pulled him against his chest to hug him. Yeonjun moved his arms around Soobin's neck and gently ran his hand through his hair to calm him a little. When he felt Soobin relax in his arms, he thought it was safe to pull away a little so he could smile at him and quickly peck his lips.
“Now, what do you say we pick our all-time favourite snacks and then we'll get back on the road?”
“Yeah, okay.”
Yeonjun pecked his lips again: “I love you.”
“You haven't said that to me in a while.”
“And I have every intention to make up for that and do better from now on.”
This time Soobin leaned down for a quick kiss before both of them kneeled down to pick up everything he had dropped and choose the snacks they actually wanted to buy. Yeonjun went to pay while Soobin returned to the car and slid into the driver's seat. Usually, Yeonjun would only allow him to drive the Mustang over short distances because the car was so precious to him, so it meant a lot to Soobin that he was willing to let him drive part of the way this time. He took it as a sign that Yeonjun really wanted to put in the effort and show him that he loved and trusted him in every way possible.
“Are you sure you still want to drive, baby? It's okay if you want me to.”
“No, I feel okay again. I can drive.”
Yeonjun nodded and sat down in the passenger seat: “This is weird.”
“Why? I drove the Mustang before.”
“Yeah sure, but that's only when we go grocery shopping or something. This time there's so much room for me to fall asleep along the way and snore embarrassingly loud.”
Soobin laughed: “And I'll probably just think it's endearing because I'm that in love with you.”
“Taehyun's right, we're awful.”
Soobin nodded, looking at Yeonjun with a fond smile before he started the car. Yeonjun turned on the radio and started drumming his fingers on the dashboard in time with the beat of the song. Soobin smiled when he saw from the corner of his eye that he was passionately mouthing along the words as well. His enthusiasm and energy only lasted for a while though before his movements got slower and his head slowly fell back against the headrest. Within no time he was fast asleep. Contrary to his prediction he was only snoring a little though.
Soobin found that he enjoyed driving like this more than he had expected. It was nice to just follow the road as far as it would go to the soundtrack of the radio and Yeonjun's soft snoring and let his thoughts wander. He took a deep breath and settled a little more comfortably into the seat. He was glad that they had managed to make the trip possible. At first, he hadn't really been convinced that it was the best thing to do in their current situation. But the more he thought about it, the more he realised that there could be an actual chance in removing themselves from their usual surroundings and everyday distractions. This would make them actual focus on just them and their relationship and perhaps there was really a chance there to figure things out. It was all too obvious that neither of them were happy with how things were, hadn't been for a long time, and it was better to try and address it now than to wait until things fell apart completely.
He was glad that Yeonjun was so perceptive of his feelings, even if he tried to hide them, and that he always did his best to meet him with patience and understanding. He probably wouldn't have really spoken about his fears of his own accord, simply because he didn't want Yeonjun to think that he didn't have faith in their relationship. It was an irrational fear and he knew Yeonjun would never accuse him of something like that but things had been so complicated between them that he constantly felt tense because he didn't want to make it worse.
Soobin knew that Yeonjun had many fears of his own, he had learned to read them off his face over the time that they had been together, so he appreciated it all the more when he pushed them aside to reassure Soobin and comfort him. He just hoped that Yeonjun felt like he was doing the same for him.
Some time around sunrise, Yeonjun woke up. For a moment, he was stunned by the view that greeted him when he opened his eyes. The sky was glowing in soft pastel colours and the light of the sun reflected in Soobin's eyes as it rose above the trees. Soobin was practically glowing in the gentle light of the morning sun and Yeonjun suddenly felt like he was looking at him for the first time. It made him want to rediscover Soobin in every way possible, to get to know him again like they were repeating all their firsts all over again, until he knew him better than anyone else.
“Oh, you're awake.”
Soobin turned his head for a second to smile at him before he quickly focused on the road again. When Yeonjun was quiet he risked another quick look and saw that he was looking at him with a weird expression: “What?”
“I think I just fell in love with you all over again.”
Instantly, Soobin felt heat rise into his cheeks and all the way up to his ears. He wanted to hide his face in his hands but he had to keep them on the steering wheel so he resolved to whining instead. Yeonjun cooed at him and pinched his cheek.
“You can't just say things like that without a warning. Especially when you look so adorable with your hair all dishevelled like that.”
Now it was Yeonjun's turn to blush and Soobin smiled, feeling entirely too proud of himself. Yeonjun's words made his heart feel like it was going to melt. This felt a lot more like them again, like they had been with each other when they'd first gotten together and everything was awkward and familiar at the same time because they had been friends for so long. Soobin still remembered how worried he had been that they wouldn't work out as a couple because they already knew each other so well. He quickly came to realise that the transition from a friendship into a relationship came almost naturally. It soon became clear to him that they might have been a little more than friends long before they had admitted to their feelings for each other.
“We should stop over there. You've been driving half the night. I think it's my turn now.”
Soobin tried to protested but a yawn forced its way out of his mouth instead. Yeonjun laughed and pulled him into a kiss as soon as the car stopped. When they got out of the car and moved to change sides, Soobin took Yeonjun's hand and stopped him from immediately settling down in the driver's seat.
“We've bee driving for ages. We should stretch our legs a little before we keep going.”
Yeonjun looked at their joint hands and ran his thumb over the back of Soobin's before he nodded. Hand-in-hand they walked around a little, never straying too far from the car but enough that they could feel the blood return into their legs. Soobin closed his eyes and enjoyed the gentle caress of the early rays of the sun on his face, and Yeonjun thought he looked so beautiful that he just had to kiss him. Soobin made a noise of surprise when Yeonjun suddenly pulled him down and kissed him. But then he moved to rest his arms around Yeonjun's waist and pulled him closer. He could feel him rise on his tip-toes to match his height and couldn't help but smile into the kiss. It made Yeonjun smile as well and when they pulled back all Soobin could think of was how beautiful he looked when he smiled. He said as much which made Yeonjun flush bright red again and try to stammer out a response.
When they felt like they had gotten enough movement to tackle the last bit of the drive, Soobin settled down in the passenger seat and fell asleep before Yeonjun could even start the car.
He woke up to someone shaking his shoulder and when he opened his eyes he saw Yeonjun smiling down at him.
“I missed the arrival again, didn't I?”
Yeonjun just smiled and disappeared to the back of the car to get their things.
Soobin groaned: “I hate being asleep when we arrive. I never get to enjoy the full experience of arriving.”
“There is still the chance for a unique first impression if you get out of the car now without looking through the windshield”, Yeonjun consoled him.
Soobin quickly looked down at his lap. He didn't want to spoil the moment for himself, so he clambered out of the car without looking up. It was worth it. Because when he did look up, he was met with the single most adorable cottage he had ever seen in his life. It was small and overgrown, and the most beautiful flowers Soobin had ever seen populated the garden and made it glow with their brightly coloured petals. An old picket-fence lined the edge of the garden and a small pathway wound its way up to the dark green door. Soobin knew he probably looked a little stupid with the way he was just standing there and staring with his mouth hanging open a little, but in front of Yeonjun he couldn't care less.
Yeonjun was starting to fidget nervously at the lack of a verbal response. He had tried really hard to find the perfect place for them to rekindle their romance and he had been so sure that he had found it, but now he was starting to doubt himself and how well he knew Soobin.
“So”, he eventually said, dragging out the 'o', “how do you like it?”
“It's perfect.”
Yeonjun felt like a weight, the size of a boulder, fell off his shoulders and he breathed a sigh of relief.
“Thank god. You had me really scared there for a second.”
“I love it. It's absolutely perfect.”
“I'm really glad you like it. We'll have to do the grocery shopping ourselves, but there's an adorable town really close by where we can get everything we need. It's close enough to walk there.”
“That sounds great. Can we please go inside now? I'm so excited.”
Yeonjun motioned for him to go ahead and picked up their bags, but of course Soobin couldn't let him carry them all by himself. So they each took up a bag and then walked to the front door. Yeonjun lifted a gnome that was standing by the front door and took the key for the door out of a little pocket under its feet. He could feel Soobin buzzing with excitement behind him so he quickly unlocked the door and then moved aside to let him step inside first. The bright smile he got in return made his heart beat faster.
Soobin looked around in awe: “This is beautiful. I feel like a little woodland fairy.”
Yeonjun kissed his cheek and then moved to find the bedroom. The front door opened into a small entry space and hallway that led directly into the living room through an archway. There were two doors on the right, one of which led into the small bathroom and the other into the cosy kitchen, and another on the left that turned out to lead to the bedroom. To Soobin's absolute delight the bedroom window was looking out into the front garden so he could see the flowers from the bed. There was another door in the living room that went out to the small back porch and garden.
The first thing Soobin did when his shoes were off and he'd hung up his jacket, was throw himself on the bed. It was so soft that he bounced up a little and then almost disappeared in the duvet. Yeonjun laughed, dropped their bags to the floor and jumped on the bed as well. They ended up tangled in the duvet together with Yeonjun laying on top of Soobin and Soobin's arms tightly secured around his waist. For a while, they just stayed like that, enjoying each other's presence. They weren't used to having any time to just be with each other and do nothing for a while anymore.
Eventually they got to unpacking and when that was done, they decided to head out to the town and get some groceries. Soobin was excited because Yeonjun had told him that there was a hiking trail nearby and he was already planning a luscious picnic for them to have at the end of the hike. They used the walk to the town to appreciate the nature around them. A gentle autumn breeze moved the brightly coloured tree branches and Soobin squeezed Yeonjun's hand, feeling an overwhelming happiness. They walked along the way, passing through fields of wild flowers that Soobin hadn't seen when they arrived because he had been asleep. The sight of the flowers excited him and within no time he had strayed from the path and run into the fields to pick an exceptionally pretty flower for Yeonjun. He proudly presented his flower to him before gently sticking it in his hair.
“Do I look pretty?”, Yeonjun smiled brightly.
“Breathtaking”, and for a moment Soobin actually felt like all air had been stolen from his lungs. Yeonjun looked radiant in the sunlight and the flower only highlighted his beauty even further.
Yeonjun brushed a hand against his cheek before taking his hand and pulling him back into the flower field. Soobin was reminded of their first road trip once again. They had made flower crowns for each other but the flowers were nothing compared to the ones he was looking at now. So he decided to make a new flower crown, one that would be worthy of having Yeonjun wear it. Quickly he set out to find the perfect flowers. He would make the single most beautiful flower crown that had ever existed.
Soobin proudly examined his crown when he was finished. This was a flower crown, the other one couldn't even begin to compare. He turned around and was confused for a moment because he couldn't see Yeonjun. He felt heat rising under his skin and was about to get very worried when Yeonjun's head suddenly popped up from among the flowers. Soobin exhaled sharply and walked towards him.
“I thought I lost you.”
“Why?”, Yeonjun cocked his head to the side, clearly confused. With the way he was still kneeling on the ground, he looked a little like an overgrown puppy. Soobin thought he was adorable.
“Because I couldn't see you anymore.”
Yeonjun laughed at the way Soobin pouted and apologised for disappearing like that.
“I made something for you”, Soobin said proudly when he felt like he had pouted enough.
“Oh yeah? I made something for you, too.”
A bright smile appeared on Soobin's face: “You did? But I want to go first.”
Yeonjun nodded for him to go ahead and Soobin proudly presented his flower crown to him. Yeonjun's smile was blinding and he carefully took the flower crown in his hands, holding it like it was the most precious thing he had ever received. Soobin smiled happily and then gently took the crown from Yeonjun's hands to put it on his head instead. The flower he had put in his hair earlier complemented the crown perfectly.
“I feel so pretty”, Yeonjun said, reaching up to gently brush his fingers over the flowers on his head.
“Well, you are pretty.”
“Stop, you're going to make me blush.”
“Maybe that's what I'm trying to do.”
He saw a light pink dusting Yeonjun's cheek and smiled when Yeonjun quickly changed the subject.
“Okay, my turn. It's not as good as your flower crown but I hope you like it anyway.”
Soobin nodded and looked at him expectantly. Yeonjun picked something up that he had put down earlier when Soobin had come to him with the crown. He took Soobin's hand and gently pushed a few flowers that he had shaped into a ring over his ring finger. Soobin looked at it in awe. It wasn't anything hugely special but the implications it carried left him breathless.
“One day, I'll get you an actual one”, Yeonjun whispered, almost as if he was scared of breaking something between them if he said it too loudly.
“And I'll love that one just as much as I love this”, Soobin said equally as quietly, hoping Yeonjun understood what he was trying to say.
Yeonjun stood up almost at the same time as Soobin reached out for him to pull him up. They met in the middle, with Yeonjun half standing and Soobin bending down, to kiss. Soobin ran his hands over Yeonjun's shoulders and down his arms, helping him stand as Yeonjun grabbed on to Soobin's elbows to balance himself. Their lips did not part once. Yeonjun's hands reached up until he could tangle one hand in Soobin's hair and brush the other against his cheek. Soobin's hands had gravitated towards Yeonjun's waist, holding on tightly, almost as if he was scared he was going to disappear if he didn't hold on tightly enough. A cold breeze made them shiver and they slowly separated from each other. With the way Yeonjun was smiling up at him, Soobin suddenly had no doubts that they were going to be able to fix their relationship. He hadn't really dared to believe in it so he wouldn't be disappointed but in this very moment he just knew that everything was going to be fine. Of course they still had a lot of talking to do, but they would be fine. He leaned down and kissed Yeonjun's lips one more time before he pulled back a little further.
“We should really get those groceries now.”
Yeonjun nodded. Soobin's hand wandered down his arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps on his skin where his fingers touched him, until he could hold Yeonjun's hand. Then the two made their way out of the flower field and continued on their way into town. Soobin felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest.
The grocery store was located in a small building that clearly had been built along time ago but had withstood the trials of time. Soobin immediately felt drawn to it. A lovely elderly man was sitting behind the counter and smiled at them when they entered. They greeted him and then made their way through the aisles to pick out what they needed. Soobin was mentally going through anything that could make for great picnic food and the ingredients he'd need for it, while Yeonjun was solely focused on filling up their fridge for the duration of their stay. Since he didn't know of Soobin's picnic plan, Yeonjun was a little taken aback when he saw Soobin inspect the wine shelf.
“Babe, what are you doing?”
“I'm looking at wine.”
“Yes, sweetie I can see that, what I mean is, why are you doing that?”
Soobin blushed a little: “Well... you said that there's a hiking trail close to the cottage and I just thought we could have a little picnic when we go hiking... it's a stupid idea.”
“No”, Yeonjun quickly walked over and cupped his cheek. “No, baby that's a wonderful idea. I can't believe I didn't think of that.”
A small smile spread over Soobin's face: “Really?”
“Really. I wish you weren't so insecure about your ideas, they're always great, no matter what it is. Don't call them stupid just because you're worried I might not like them. Okay?”
Soobin nodded.
“Now, do you want my help with putting the picnic together or do you want it to be your thing?”
“I want to surprise you.”
“Alright, then I'm gonna turn around now and pretend I didn't see anything. Just don't break the bank.”
Soobin giggled and kissed Yeonjun's cheek before he could turn around and walk away. Now the picnic had to be absolutely perfect. With a determined look on his face he got back to the wine.
In an effort to support Soobin in keeping the details surrounding their picnic a secret, Yeonjun settled for paying for their groceries separately and waiting outside the store until Soobin had paid as well. He still felt a little hot and there was a goofy smile on his face when he left the store. When he went to pay, the lovely man behind the counter had spotted the flower crown on Yeonjun's head and told him that the person who made it for him must really love him a lot. When Yeonjun asked him why he thought so, he'd picked apart the meanings of the flowers Soobin had used for the crown. And then, with a cheeky grin, he'd told him to keep the maker of the crown close and never let him go. Yeonjun had promised he wouldn't and truly had no intention to do so.
When Soobin came out of the store he was carrying two huge bags and Yeonjun was starting to get a little worried that Soobin had gone completely over board. Soobin must have seen the look on his face because he sighed and held up the bags: “Don't worry. Those are just ingredients and they weren't ridiculously expensive. I'm good with finances.”
“I know”, Yeonjun said quickly, “but you also get a little carried away sometimes when you're passionate about something.”
“Well, not this time.”
His voice sounded so determined that Yeonjun had no choice but to believe him.
With the huge bags both of them were carrying it was impossible to hold hands on the way back and Soobin was a little disappointed because he really wanted to hold Yeonjun's hand. But then Yeonjun used every moment that they were standing still to kiss his cheek or his lips, and it made him feel a lot better. By the time they reached the path that led to the cottage, they had both shifted their bags into one hand so they could hold each other's hand with their free one. They only let go when they reached the cottage and Yeonjun had to open the door.
Inside, Soobin took to the bags while Yeonjun turned on the heating as it was starting to get dark and a lot colder. When he came into the kitchen, Soobin shrieked and almost threw himself over the table so Yeonjun wouldn't see the contents of his shopping bags. Yeonjun laughed and quickly backed away out of the kitchen.
“I'll be in the living room. Let me know when you're ready.”
Soobin yelled something in response but Yeonjun couldn't make out what it was. He settled down on the living room couch and turned on the little, old radio that stood on a small table next to the couch. He landed on a station for classical music and settled for it. Not his favourite, but perhaps it was fitting for this place. When he'd entered the living room, he had, in passing, blindly grabbed a book from the shelf that he now opened. At first, he read with little enthusiasm but the further he got, the more he felt like he just couldn't put the book down anymore. By the time Soobin joined him, he was fully immersed in the book and already through the first quarter. He jumped a little when Soobin plopped down on the couch, he hadn't even heard him coming. Soobin threw his arms around his neck and snuggled against his back, briefly pressing his nose into Yeonjun's hair before moving his head so he could rest his chin on his shoulder.
“What are you reading?”
“I don't know. But it's really good.”
Soobin smiled and brushed his nose against Yeonjun's cheek: “You're cute.”
“You're cuter”, Yeonjun turned his head and kissed the tip of Soobin's nose which made him giggle.
They sat like that for a while, cuddled together on the couch as Yeonjun read and Soobin rested his eyes. Until that didn't satisfy Soobin anymore. He clambered off the couch and got the blanket that was laying on one of the armchairs. Yeonjun didn't even look up from his book, only lifted his arms, when Soobin manoeuvred the blanket over their laps before snuggling back against him.
“Read to me”, he said, pout evident in his voice.
“But I'm already so far into the book, you won't understand the story.”
“Don't care, just want to listen to your voice”, he mumbled and snuggled further against him. Yeonjun reached up to blindly pet his head. Then he flipped the page over and started reading. Soobin was quickly lulled to sleep by the soft sound of his voice and when Yeonjun noticed, he quietly closed the book and rested his head against Soobin. Then he closed his eyes as well, sighing in content.
When they woke up the room was pitch-black, safe for the pale moonlight that was streaming in through the windows. Yeonjun slowly reached out to the lamp on the side table. They both blinked against the light and sat up a little straighter, stretching their limbs. Yeonjun wanted to get up but Soobin apparently wanted kisses, quickly wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him back against his chest. Yeonjun yelped in surprised and then laughed when Soobin started peppering little kisses all over his cheek and temple. He let him do as he pleased for a while, before he turned his head to kiss him straight on the lips. He could feel Soobin's lips stretch into a smile and had to smile himself. Being with him like this was pure bliss. They stayed like this for a while, Yeonjun sitting half in Soobin's lap and Soobin peppering little kisses all over his face with the occasional kiss on the lips.
They pulled apart when Yeonjun's stomach rumbled loudly, making them both laugh. Soobin offered to make dinner so Yeonjun wouldn't see his preparations for their picnic and Yeonjun let him. He was happy to continue reading his book for a little longer. When Soobin called him to dinner he at first didn't even hear him, once again completely immersed in his book. He flinched when Soobin was suddenly in front of him and took his book.
“I said, dinner's ready.”
“Sorry, I didn't hear you.”
“You don't say.”
Yeonjun playfully swatted at him and got up from the couch. He took Soobin's hand and together they walked to the kitchen. Soobin had really put a lot of effort into dinner and Yeonjun made sure to let him know how much he appreciated it. They talked about everything and nothing as they ate, occasionally feeding each other a few bites.
After they finished their food, they collected the dishes and got to washing them. Soobin scrubbed everything clean, while Yeonjun dried them off. They worked in perfect unison and finished up the dishes in no time. When everything was clean, they decided to go to bed. They needed all their energy for the hike they had planned for the following day. Yeonjun went to turn off the light in the living room and to get his book since he wanted to take it to bed with him, letting Soobin use the bathroom first. He settled down on the bed with his book and read a little more while he waited for Soobin to come back from the bathroom.
“Should I give you two some room?”
Yeonjun dropped the book in his lap and looked up. Soobin leaned in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest and a smile on his face.
“Sorry. It's just really good.”
“Would you like me to leave you two alone?”
“Very funny. You know you're the only one I want to be with.”
“You're cheesy.”
Soobin pushed himself off the doorframe and walked over to the bed, gesturing for Yeonjun to take over the bathroom. Before he did, Yeonjun took the book, showed it to Soobin and then pointedly put the book into the closet where it wasn't as easy to reach anymore. Soobin smiled at him and blew him a kiss.
Once Yeonjun was ready for bed as well, he jumped on the bed, landing on top of Soobin with only the covers separating them. Soobin laughed and struggled to move his arms out from under the blanket so he could put them around Yeonjun. When he finally succeeded, he almost smothered Yeonjun with the blanket with how fast he moved his arms up. His movements sent Yeonjun rolling off him and the blanket falling on top of him. Soobin shivered at the sudden cold but he was a lot more worried about having potentially hurt Yeonjun.
“I'm sorry! Are you okay?”
He heard Yeonjun's laugh from somewhere under the blanket and sighed in relief. The blanket was thrown back and Yeonjun's head popped up, hair completely dishevelled but with a bright smile on his face.
“Well, that was fun.”
“I'm glad you think it was fun, I almost had a heart attack. I thought I hurt you.”
“You could never hurt me.”
Yeonjun fought his way through the blanket until he managed to get on the other side and cuddled up against Soobin before pulling the blanket on top of both of them. When they comfortably settled into bed, he cupped Soobin's cheeks and pulled his face towards him until he could kiss him.
They fell asleep completely entangled with each other.
The next morning had Soobin up and on his feet with the sunrise. He still had to prepare a few things for their picnic and he wanted to do it without Yeonjun's knowledge, he was going to surprise him after all. For the sake of not waking Yeonjun, he refrained from showering for the time being and instead just quietly pulled some socks over his feet and then shuffled into the kitchen. They didn't have one of those nice picnic baskets that somehow every person in every romantic film featuring a picnic had, but it was the content that counted anyway. Soobin worked quickly and carefully, and packaged every finished dish in a resealable container before storing it in his backpack.
By the time Yeonjun woke up and stumbled into the kitchen, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Soobin was finished with his preparations and was just closing his backpack.
“Good morning”, Yeonjun mumbled, voice still heavy with sleep.
“Good morning”, Soobin smiled and kissed his cheek. “Do you want me to shower first? Then you have some more time to wake up.”
“Yeah, sure. Wait, what were you doing in the kitchen?”
“Just a few preparations.”
He left Yeonjun with that and disappeared into the bathroom. Yeonjun's brain was still too sleepy to understand what he was even referring to.
The sun was shining brightly by the time Soobin pulled on his hiking boots, promising another beautiful autumn day. The wind was a little stronger than it had been the day before, ruffling the leaves on the trees around the cottage, but it wouldn't affect their plans. Yeonjun insisted on shouldering the backpack, quickly grabbing and putting it on his back while Soobin still protested, and refused to hand it over to Soobin, no matter what he said.
With Yeonjun's careful preparation, they quickly found the hiking trail and happily set out to follow it wherever it would lead them. Soobin looked around with bright eyes and took in the beauty of the nature surrounding him. The trees gently moved their heads along with the wind, almost as if they were nodding, and the leaves that had already fallen danced around the earthy ground to a rhythm only they could hear. Above his head, he saw birds flying across the sky and occasionally he heard their chirping coming from somewhere further into the trees. He was tempted to follow their voices but Yeonjun insisted on staying on the path, not wanting to get lost.
The trail soon met a stream that gently babbled beside them as they continued on their way through the trees. Soobin wondered if it would perhaps lead them to a small lake or something of the kind, it would make for the perfect spot for their picnic. Soon the stream got wider and eventually the trail led them to a small lake that the stream flowed into, just like Soobin had hoped. His eyes widened at the overwhelming beauty he was faced with. The lake was situated in the middle of a gorgeous clearing that was protected from the weather by a canopy of treetops. A few rays of sunlight managed to break through the leaves, making the surrounding flowers look like they were glowing. When Soobin looked at Yeonjun, he was briefly taken aback by the sight. A single ray of sunlight was shining down on him, giving him an ethereal glow and making his eyes sparkle as if they had collected all the sunlight in them.
“I think we should stay here.”
Yeonjun turned around to him: “But this isn't the end of the trail.”
“I don't care. This is perfect.”
Yeonjun looked around, then he nodded slowly: “Yeah, okay.”
He shrugged off the backpack and Soobin helped him pulled out a blanket and spread it across the forest floor, close to the lake. Soobin asked him to sit down and while Yeonjun slipped off his boots, Soobin pulled the containers from the backpack, setting them up nicely on the blanket. Then he got plates and glasses, and the wine bottle Yeonjun had caught him looking at the day before.
Yeonjun's eyes sparkled: “Binnie, this is amazing. You didn't have to invest this much work.”
“I wanted to. This is really important for us and our relationship, and I wanted it to be as nice as possible.”
“This is perfect, love. You've outdone yourself.”
Soobin's smile was so bright it rivalled the sun. He slid off his boots and sat down beside Yeonjun.
Yeonjun smiled and kissed him gently: “I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Soobin blushed and took his hand: “And you're the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Silence fell over them for a while as they ate and took in their surroundings. Eventually, Yeonjun gathered all his courage and said: “So. Now that we're here, it feels like the right moment to ask: How do you feel about our relationship?”
Soobin was quiet for a moment and Yeonjun started to nervously gnaw on his bottom lip.
“I mean, I think it's obvious that we love each other and that we're happy together. And when we're alone like this and can just focus on us, things are great and we make each other happy... I'm just scared that when we get back home and we're faced with reality again, things will just go back to how they were. I mean, our issues remain, we just kind of left them at home for a while. This is only a temporary escape.”
Yeonjun nodded: “You're right. Things are great right now because we love each other and when we have time for each other, it's easy to be happy together. But we won't have the time to at home. So, we have to figure out a way to make time.”
“But we're working this hard because we both have dreams we want to come true. And we can't do that if we don't put in the work.”
Yeonjun gently took Soobin's hand in his, stroking his thumb over the back. He looked him firmly in the eye and said: “Then maybe we have to push our dreams back a bit.”
“But... but we've been talking about achieving these things long before we even started dating. The dance studio, the flower shop, the two dogs and the cat...”
“And I still want that. But I want it with you. I'm not willing to sacrifice our relationship for the sake of chasing a dream that might very well never come true or not be as great as I thought.”
“But our dreams-”
“Are important and we should do our best to not lose sight of them and steadily work towards them. But it's not going to be as fulfilling to eventually reach my dream if it means losing you over it. I want to achieve my dreams. But I want to do it with you by my side. And if that means that we have to take a step back and do a couple of shifts less at work so we'll be able to have time for each other, then I'm more than willing to do that. It doesn't matter if that means it's going to take longer to achieve everything we want. You are part of my dream, and I will never be able to fully reach it if I lose you in the process of trying to achieve it. You said we should focus on us again, and I think you're right. So, let's focus on us. And everything else comes later.”
“So, you're really willing to take the risk of potentially never achieving something you've been dreaming of since you were in primary school, something that you already spent half your life working towards, because you don't want to lose me?”
“Well, I love you. I can find new dreams anywhere. But there is only one of you.”
All air was pressed out Yeonjun's lungs when Soobin tackled him in a hug and began peppering kisses all over his face, whispering: “I love you. I love you so much. I don't know what I've done in this life or in a past one, to deserve you, but I love you.”
“Baby, calm down. I'm not going anywhere”, Yeonjun laughed and wrapped his arms around Soobin, instantly falling backwards without his arms supporting his and Soobin's weight. Soobin caught himself on his arms, hands landing left and right of Yeonjun's head, so he didn't squash him under his weight. Yeonjun put his hands on Soobin's chest.
“Honey, wait. Slow down. This is just how I feel about this. I need to know how you feel about this as well. I need to know if we're on the same page, because if we're not, we have to figure that out. I can't reasonably expect you to be willing to put your dreams on hold just because I am.”
“I want to work on our relationship. That's what's most important to me right now. We can still achieve our dreams when we fixed our relationship, and then we can do it together. I don't want to lose you. I want us to achieve our dreams, but right now, I just want you. That's most important to me. We'll figure this out and fix things, and then we'll tackle the next thing.”
Yeonjun gently rested his hands against Soobin's cheeks and kissed his lips: “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too. And I'm glad you convinced me to do this. You were right, this was exactly what we needed. And it made me realise something I've almost forgotten.”
“Yeah? And what's that?”
“How much I love you and why I fell in love with you in the first place.”
Yeonjun's smile was almost blinding when he kissed Soobin. For a while they just laid there, Soobin half on top of Yeonjun on their picnic blanket among all the trees and the flowers. The gentle babbling of the stream flowing into the lake and their breathing were the only sounds to disrupt the silence. When they separated, Yeonjun ran a hand through Soobin's hair, gently brushing a few strands of hair off his forehead, and he looked at him with so much love that Soobin was sure this was the only man he was ever going to love.
After a while, Soobin shifted back into a sitting position and helped Yeonjun sit up as well to turn back to the food he had so painstakingly prepared and which they had neglected entirely. They took their time to enjoy the food and the wine, giving themselves all the time in the world to relish in each other's presence, feeling newly affirmed in their relationship and their love for each other.
The evening sun was lighting up the sky by the time they put their boots back on and packed their things together. They held hands for the entire way back to the cottage.
“I'm sorry we didn't get to finish the hiking trail.”
They were laying in bed together. The curtains were open so they could see the light of the moon illuminate the sky and the flowers outside, and the soft glow of the bedside lamp made them feel warm and cosy.
“Don't be sorry. It was never about the hiking trail in the first place. It was about us.”
“I know. But it would have been nice to finish it.”
Yeonjun tilted his head up and pressed a kiss to the underside of Soobin's jaw.
“Then we at least have a reason to come back here.”
“You're right. I didn't think about it like that.”
Soobin was quiet for a while before he, in the smallest voice possible, said: “Do you really think we can do this? Keep the determination we gathered here and apply it to our everyday life, I mean.”
“Of course I do. We both want this so much and we're willing to do whatever it takes to make this work, and I know that we will. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I'll do anything to make that happen.”
“You're right. We'll be okay.”
Soobin tightened his arms around Yeonjun and pulled him closer against his chest. Yeonjun sighed in content and closed his eyes, resting his head against Soobin's chest. Gentle fingers began carding through his hair and he felt like he was getting a little glimpse of what paradise must be like. To be in the arms of the man he loved more than his own life, safe and sound and perfectly content, and to know that he was loved equally as much felt almost surreal to him. The fact that he could love someone as much as he loved Soobin and to receive the same love in return almost scared him a little, because he wasn't sure if he was deserving of it. But laying here in Soobin's arms and hearing the steady beat of his heart right beneath his ear, it didn't matter whether he deserved it or not. For some reason Soobin was willing to give him all this love, and Yeonjun would take anything he was willing to give him and tried to give just as much and even more in return.
They woke up the next morning to the sound of birds chirping and the gentle light of the morning sun filtering in through the window. They only had a few hours left at the cottage before they would go back home, but neither of them could be bothered to move a single muscle. It was too warm and the blanket was too soft for them to want to move ever again. Yeonjun sleepily blinked up at Soobin and smiled, unable to contain the pure joy he felt at waking up in the arms of the man he loved. Soobin looked down at him and returned the smile, reaching out and gently trailing his finger from Yeonjun's temple over his cheek and all the way down to his jawline, coming to rest under his chin so he could tilt his head up a little further and kiss his lips. Yeonjun was beaming at him when he pulled back and Soobin's smile grew even wider.
“I don't want to go”, Yeonjun stretched his limbs and sighed in content when something in his back made a loud cracking noise. Soobin flinched a little at the sound and Yeonjun laughed. He cupped Soobin's face in his hands and squished his cheeks: “You're so cute.”
Soobin wrinkled his nose and Yeonjun leaned in to kiss the tip of his nose. Trying to fight it and failing to, Soobin involuntarily broke out into a smile. He leaned his forehead against Yeonjun's and briefly closed his eyes.
“I don't want to go home either. But we really can't ask Beomgyu to look after our apartment any longer than he already has. Not to mention that he's had to listen to Taehyun's complaints about us not choosing him to look after the apartment the whole time. We're lucky if he still wants to be our friend when we get back.”
“I guess, you're right”, Yeonjun sighed. “Alright, time to get up and then let's go home.”
Soobin watched him as Yeonjun got up and walked out of the room, before he rolled over on his stomach and buried his face in the pillow. He wouldn't move a single muscle until he really had to.
He smiled to himself when he heard Yeonjun singing in the shower and mumbled, with his cheek squished against the pillow: “We'll be okay.”