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The school confessions board had been there as long as he could remember. He didn’t know who started it. When it first came into being it was wildly popular, full of gossip and anonymous confessions that would cause a buzz around the school for weeks, people desperate to find out who had posted what. But as time went on, the buzz faded, and it passed away like many other fads that happened amongst the students.
He didn’t know how he ended up on it. A desperate attempt to procrastinate the homework that he really didn’t feel like doing. He was too distracted anyway, not able to focus on the pages of his book, and it was pathetic.
He glanced down at the paper, blush-fired grimace crossing his face as three words stared back up at him, taunting.
Ur the loser
They hadn’t been written by him. Rather, the person had written it as a response to something he had said. Every time he looked down at the page he had the reminder of who it was brought back to the forefront of his mind.
Kyle was too busy being distracted because every time he looked at his work book he was reminded that Craig Tucker existed.
It had been a slow day during study hall, the pair of them at a table together working independently. He was bored and Craig was ignoring him, as he did so well. Kyle had made the joke to get Craig’s attention, sliding his history book across the table to where Craig sat on his left.
‘Says here that you’re a loser.’
Craig looked down, before a scowl formed on his face and he glared up at Kyle, who didn’t try to stop the smirk forming on his face.
The responding note left in the margins of his notebook he hadn’t noticed until he was home. Craig must’ve left it when he got distracted talking to Red. When he saw it the noise that left him was nothing short of a giggle and he hoped he never made it in public.
He groaned as he finally snapped the book closed and accepted he just wasn’t working tonight. It wasn’t happening. He had too much energy, head too full. He needed to get it out his system. Maybe a late night walk to clear his head, go throw some rocks at Cartman’s window or something. That’d make him feel better.
He looked back to the confession forum, seeing the most recent post dated back three weeks ago, and before that an even longer gap.
Who even used this board anymore? So much for providing him with juicy gossip to take his mind off things.
His fingers tapped across the room with little thought.
He just...he needed it to get it out of his system.
I have a crush on Craig Tucker and I hate it so much.
--
Kyle got to school with little fanfare. He’d gone to bed early the night before and passed the fuck out, waking feeling a little lighter. His mind have moved on a little, using the extra half hour of the morning that he saw rushing through the homework he had attempted to do the night before.
He felt refreshed. Ready to face the day. A little less like a slave to his own emotions.
He met up with Stan, closely followed by Kenny. It was such a lovely, chill morning. He felt good.
He spent his English class with them, before separating for math. When he arrived at class he felt a familiar stuttering of his heart, eyes landing on the person who always sat at the table next to him.
He clattered down into his seat, badly concealed smirk on his face as Craig turned to him with those usual grey, bored eyes.
“You look happy.”
“I’m having a good day.”
“Stop it, its making me nervous,” Craig instructed as he narrowed his eyes and leant forward. “You’re never this happy.”
“I’m often this happy, you’re just never there to see it.”
“Lies.”
“Maybe it’s you,” Kyle suggested. “Your grumpy face brings my mood down.”
Craig kicked him under the table as a smirk finally started to break out. “I better up my game then, because its not working today.”
The class went like normal. They listened to their teacher, going through a few equations as a class before they were left to complete exercises on their own. They murmured between themselves sparsely, and Kyle found he was happy to just do his work while the low hum of the rest of the room sounded around him.
“Do you have the answer to question five?”
“Oh, yeah, it’s one, zero, five, three...r.”
“Wait, wha-?”
The look of annoyance that crossed Craig’s face when he clocked on had Kyle sniggering, head facing his workbook as he tried to hide his amusement.
He failed to stop his laughter growing when Craig shoved him hard. “This isn’t a thing. You’re not making this a thing.”
“You made it a thing.”
“I didn’t make it a thing, I just retaliated because you started it.”
Kyle grinned. “Retaliation is making it a thing, Craig.”
“Why does everything have to be a competition with you?”
“It’s not a competition. That would imply there’s a chance I’d lose.”
Craig gave him a deadpan look, raising a single brow. “If I admit defeat will you drop it?”
“You’re so boring.”
“Yeah I am.”
Kyle agreed, taking the satisfaction of the victory and moving back to the work that they were meant to be doing, willing to drop it seeing as it was annoying Craig that much.
It wasn’t till the end of class when Craig was gathering his things that he turned to Kyle with a smirk, tapping Kyle’s notebook as he swung his bag over his shoulder. Kyle felt a rush of anger as he flipped the pages to find graffiti lying there staring back at him.
Fell for it u loser
Craig was laughing at him as he chased him out the door, shouting after him that it didn’t mean Craig had won.
It was a good day. The next day wouldn’t be.
--
Cartman. He should’ve expected Cartman. He always should be suspicious when Cartman wasn’t there with them from the start of the day, having disappeared somewhere between arriving with them and going to the lockers, but instead he let himself foolishly brush it off like it was no big deal. Maybe he was harassing someone else, Butters wasn’t there either after all.
He came barrelling through with all the enthusiasm of an excitable dog, face brimming with the need to spill some beans, bouncing on his heels. With every step he took running closer to where they hung out by their lockers, Kyle felt the dread creep in.
When he finally came to a stop Kyle returned to his phone, Stan and Kenny pulling their heads out of their lockers. He was so not doing this today.
“Hey guys! Guys you’ll never guess what!”
Kyle opened the latest dungeon crawler he’d downloaded. He heard Stan respond, but decided he was going to play his favourite game of ignoring Cartman today.
“Guys I swear I – ugh, hang on, I-!” he gave a large gasp for breath. “Oh my god you guys, you’ll never guess.”
“What is it, Cartman?”
“Craig-!”
Kyle lifted his head, raising a brow at the brunette who was still wheezing from his sprint down the hallways.
“Someone has a crush on Craig.”
He felt his blood run cold.
Cartman launched into it – how Lola had told him that Red had told her that Bebe had found a post on the old school confession board about how someone anonymous had posted that they had a crush on Craig Tucker.
He explained that he hadn’t had the chance to ask Craig about it, but that he planned to that day, because Craig had to know. Maybe he even knew who it was.
The thought left Kyle with the feeling like he might vomit all over Cartman’s dumb, stupid face.
“I’d totally forgot about that forum,” Stan admitted. “Is there anything else on it?”
“Gosh, Stan, can’t you be happy with this one bit of news? You gotta have more gossip so quick?”
“I wanna know who it is,” Kenny interjected. “Who posts on a confessions board about having a crush on Craig?”
“Someone who doesn’t want him to know? What did it even say?”
Cartman fished out his phone, proudly displaying the screenshot to the two of them.
Stan snorted. “Yeah, I’d hate it too.”
“It’ll be easy to find out who it is, I bet. I’m gonna start asking around, and-!”
The sound of the bell cut Cartman off, scaring Kyle half to death.
“Let’s get to class,” Stan turned to Kenny. “Meet you guys there?”
“Sure, I’m nearly ready.”
Stan gave Kyle a rough push in the direction of their first class, not even glancing at him as he warned: “Don’t look like you’ve been caught red handed, yeah?”
“I wasn’t-?!”
“I never said you were, but you’re not normally that quiet.”
He grumbled, but decided against attempting to defend himself.
--
“Kyle!”
He slowed down at the familiar voice, despite the fact that he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to face Craig in that moment. Once his eyes settled on the lopsided smile that he was greeted with his face started to smile back involuntarily, especially when Craig’s smile got wider at Kyle coming to a stop.
“What do you want?” Kyle asked once Craig was in front of him.
“What makes you think I want something?”
“Just a hunch,” Kyle muttered with narrowed eyes. “Well? Do you not?”
“I was just wondering if you were heading to the library,” Craig explained with a shrug.
“Why, so you can copy my homework again?”
“That’s not the only reason I go to the library with you.”
“It absolutely is. Literally every time we’ve gone to the library together it was so you could try to copy my homework – and the times you didn’t, it was because I wouldn’t let you.”
“Yeah, and I know you won’t always let me, so if it was the only reason I went I wouldn’t bother.”
“What homework is it?”
Craig raised his brows, clamping down on his smile.
“Out with it.”
“Bio.”
“Ugh, of course,” Kyle rolled his eyes as he turned round. “I should’ve guessed.”
“Please? It’s the homework for tomorrow, I haven’t done it yet, but I also have to do my English report for tomorrow and that’s gonna take all night.”
“You haven’t done your English report? Seriously, dude?”
“Seriously, dude,” Craig elbowed him as they moved. “And I can’t copy your English report...can I?”
“Absolutely not.”
Maybe Craig...just didn’t know about the rumour.
He didn’t bring it up, and there was absolutely no fucking chance in hell that Kyle was going to bring it up. The last thing he needed was to inadvertently out himself to the person he was trying to keep the secret from. Having to keep shit under wraps was bad enough with Cartman around.
Once they were settled at a table together, it only took ten minutes of prodding and poking for Kyle to snap and practically throw his biology textbook at Craig.
It was how they were found, heads pressed together over the worksheets, Kyle correcting Craig in all the right places. They looked up as the shadow loomed above them, seeing a blonde bombshell standing there with one hand in their table. He waited for Bebe to say something, cocking a brow at her and hoping it didn’t show on his face how much he didn’t really want her to sit with them.
Craig was less subtle.
“What do you want?”
“Wow, cold much? Would it kill either of you to say hello?” she asked as she flopped down in a chair opposite them. Kyle tried not to be annoyed by it.
“I spoke to you like, two hours ago, what could you possibly have to talk about already?”
“Funny you should ask, Craig,” Bebe started, perching her chin on the back of her hand. “I heard you turned Cartman down when he offered to help you find out who your secret admirer was.”
Kyle gripped his pen tight as he attempted to school his face into something casually curious.
“Of course I did, I’m not a masochist,” Craig drawled. “It’s Cartman.”
“Don’t be coy, I bet your just itching to find out who it is. Do you have any ideas so far?”
“We’re not having this conversation.”
“Or do you know who it is, but you’re embarrassed about it?”
Craig stood, rolling his eyes as he flicked Kyle’s shoulder. “Good luck with her. I’m out.”
Bebe booed at him as he left, devolving into laughter when he raised his middle fingers at her in response.
He thought that maybe he should leave it. He’d aimed to stay as low key as he could, to avoid the glasses of suspicion being cast upon him, but...
“Maybe you should just leave it,” Kyle suggested. “If Craig doesn’t want to know, then why force it?”
“It’s not that he doesn’t want to know, it’s that he’s too lazy to find out,” Bebe corrected. “Craig was the one who found the post. He’s one of the few fuckers who actually checks that message board still.”
Kyle felt his blood run cold. “He – what?”
“Craig loves this kind of stuff, at least when it’s not about him. But then he gets all embarrassed when he’s put on the spotlight. Like, hello? Why wouldn’t you want to know?”
“I don’t think I would.”
“You big liar, I bet you would. I bet you’d be the first person trying to figure it out. You love to know things when they’re to do with you.”
She was right. He did. It had been a weak argument.
Bebe didn’t spend long bothering him, and once she’d left he realised how shot his concentration was. The idea that Craig might have been trying to figure it out unsettled him. He needed to do something about it. Needed to try and take the damned post down, before someone traced it back to him.
--
Really, it was unfair, Kyle thought, how quickly these situations escalated with his dumbass friendship group. Where Cartman even found the time was beyond him, and how invested everyone seemed to be was just insufferable. In all his classes he watched as the board was visited, friends gossiping, sneaky glances at phones under desks.
He couldn’t escape it.
Stan was waiting for him at the end of class, and they were joined by Token on the walk to the car park where the rest of their friends were. Craig was there with Clyde, who beckoned Stan for attention to show him some football video he’d found, Craig turning his attention to Token to ask if they could stop off somewhere to eat on the way home.
Kyle stood feeling like he had too much energy in his joints, not focusing in on anything. He couldn’t really think passed trying to make himself seem as inconspicuous as possible.
He glanced over to Craig on habit, and startled when Craig was already looking at him.
“Hey, Craig!”
Kyle spun round to see Cartman on approach, Craig giving a low groan of annoyance to the sky as the boy approached them, still looking like a man on a mission. Kyle stepped to the side as Cartman arrived to stand in front of Craig with a bright grin.
“I know you said you didn’t want help finding out who made that post-?”
“And I don’t!”
“But I was speaking to Kevin Stoley-?”
“Ugh!” Craig scrunched his nose up. “Dude, just drop it. I don’t want to know.”
“Why not?” Clyde piped up. “I’d wanna know.”
Craig glowered his best friend into submission.
“Well, whether you want to know or not, I’m going to find out,” Cartman announced. “So you can either come to the computer lab with me, or stay here and be miserable on your own.”
“Lay off, Cartman>!” Kyle snapped, quick to funnel his fear as anger. “He said he didn’t want to know, why don’t you just leave it alone?”
“It’s not about him.”
“It literally is! You’re trying to find out who made a post about him, how is it not?”
“Why are you so vocal about this all of a sudden, Kyle?” Cartman probed with a sneer. “You’ve spent this whole time being suspiciously quiet, and now you’ve decided to speak up? Scared of something?”
He felt his fists clench by his side, narrowing his eyes as he bit back the anger that was beginning to boil in his stomach.
“What is it, Kyle? Do you have something you want to share with the class?”
As Cartman gestured round to their group of friends, the anger started to make way for something that had his legs buzzing with a need to run.
“I don’t think I’ve asked you yet, have I?”
“Cartman, back off,” Stan called from where he sat on the wall. “Stop being a dick just because Kyle was standing up for Craig.”
“Standing up for Craig, or protecting himself?” Cartman questioned, eyes not leaving Kyle’s. “Well, Kyle? Was it you?”
He hesitated.
“Do you have a crush on Craig?”
He broke the stare, eyes flickering over to where Craig sat next to Stan. Those cool grey eyes were already on him, piercing into his very soul as they waited for the response. Kyle felt the blush creeping up from the back of his neck towards his ears.
He hesitated too long.
Cartman began to crow with laughter, doubling over at Kyle’s complete lack of response. Kyle bristled at the action and growled low, snapping his eyes back to Cartman before kicking him in the shin.
“Just because I care about my friend doesn’t mean that I like them, fatass.”
“Oh, this is too precious! What do you see in him?”
“Cartman, that’s enough!” Stan snapped. “You’re so obsessed with this, it’s pathetic.”
“Was it you?”
Kyle felt his every bone lock into place at the words. They weren’t asked by Cartman this time. No, he was too busy looking giddy like a kid given free candy on Halloween, watching Kyle for a response to the question someone else had asked.
He turned to Craig to address him, but...
There was a strange look in his eyes that had Kyle’s insides turning upside down. He opened his mouth to speak, but as the seconds ticked by, he realised that too much time had passed for any defence to be believable.
He picked up his bag and marched towards the school gates. He figured his silence was answer enough.
--
Stan took him home. The car pulled up alongside him as he was storming down the sidewalk, resolutely not looking at his best friend, who drove slowly as he pleaded with him to just get in the car, dude. At least he didn’t have to worry about anyone questioning him, as he sat in the back while Stan and Kenny were in the front talking quietly between themselves.
The first time his phone rang was just as Stan was pulling up to his house to drop him off, and he thought he might have a heart attack.
“Dude, what is it?”
“Nothing,” he shut his phone off and ignored the call. “Just – a call.”
“Who was it?”
“Does it matter?”
“Uh, yeah?”
Kyle groaned and sunk further into his seat. “It was just Craig.”
“Why don’t you answer it?”
“Dude!”
“What?”
He kicked the back of Stan’s chair. “I’m not answering it! He knows!”
“So, it was you?”
Kyle kicked his chair again. Harder.
“Sorry! Sorry, I just wanted to. Y’know, check.”
“Yes, okay, it was me. I thought you knew already?!”
“I mean I thought maybe, but I didn’t know for sure.”
Kyle groaned as he sunk into his seat.
His phone lit up again, vibrating against the seat of Stan’s car.
“Seriously though, you should get that.”
He rejected the call and grabbed his bag. “Don’t tell me what to do.”
Stan didn’t fight him as he fled the scene towards his house.
When he logged on to his PC, he was left staring at his desktop. He went through the motions of navigating his way to that damn post, but his desire to delete it had drained a little. Where was the fear of Kevin Stoley tracing it back to him when he’d pretty much outed himself?
He glowered at the post, tapping his fingers against his mouse as he debated what to do. Craig had finally stopped ringing him, after five attempts, and got the message that Kyle was not up for having that conversation. He had a string of texts from Cartman that he was also ignoring, choosing instead to fantasise about committing brutal murder instead.
It was helping him get through the night.
After way too long just staring at the damn post, he found the options, searching for the delete button and giving a triumphant yes when he found it. He clicked it, waiting for the page to refresh, and then-!
“Fuck!”
He slammed his mouse as he received an error page for his troubles.
He wasn’t about to be defeated, though. He wasn’t going to be bested by the school confession board of all things. He didn’t take all those computer classes not to come away with knowledge on how to fuck about on a website to make it do what he wanted it to.
He returned to the homepage, started to navigate, and then...
There was a new message.
He stared, wide eyed, before irritation began to rise.
I wish Kyle Broflovski would stop being a big baby and answer his phone.
He snarled at the post before he began to compose a new one, working on autopilot.
I wish Craig Tucker would take the hint.
He hated the swearing filter, because he had a damn few choice words to include.
I wish Kyle Broflovski wasn’t so bone headed.
I wish Craig Tucker knew how to let things go.
I wish Kyle Broflovski stopped trying to run away.
I wish Craig Tucker wasn’t such a loser.
You’re the loser.
That made him laugh, something short and brief, before he bit down on his lip and tried to figure out how best to phrase what he wanted to say.
He didn’t get the chance, before a new message appeared.
I wish Kyle Broflovski would just confess like a normal person.
Forgive me for being scared of rejection.
Who said you’d get rejected?
He stared at the screen, wide eyed, lost for words.
Did he...?
He jumped as his phone vibrated against the table. He looked down, seeing it lit up with an incoming call, the contact name Craig T. flashing across the screen as he stared down at it, waiting for it to answer itself.
He scrambled as he registered that phones didn’t answer themselves you absolute tool answer the phone answer the-!
“Hello?”
“You’re a fucking dick,” was the first thing Craig said to him. “You left me with Cartman. Even Stan ditched me as soon as Kenny got out to go find you. I’m lucky I’m not suspended for giving him a black eye.”
Kyle felt amusement bubble in his chest. “You gave Cartman a black eye?”
“I nearly did, but Token stopped me.”
He bit down on his lip, sinking back in his seat as he fell into the easy conversation. “Thank God for Token, then.”
“He deserved the black eye. He had it coming.”
He crossed his ankles, eyes flitting back up to the screen, message board conversation still prominent. He bit down on his lip as he skimmed across the words. “When you said...about, who said I’d get rejected...?”
“Do you really need me to spell it out for you?” came the amused answer, and Kyle could just picture that insufferable smirk as he spoke. “C’mon, Broflovski, I thought you were meant to be the smart one.”
He sucked in a breath, toes curling in his socks as he braced himself for the question. “So if I asked, if you’d go on a date with me...would you say yes?”
“I guess you have to ask and find out.”
“Ugh,” Kyle groaned despite the toothy smile that was growing across his face. “I hate you so much.”
“You sure about that?”
“Yes!” he pressed, his heart attempting to force its way out of his chest as he prepared himself for the question he dreaded to ask. “Would you...go on a date with me?”
“I would.”
The grin fully split his face, cheek to cheek. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s – cool.”
He heard Craig snort down the phone and felt a rush of embarrassment. Though not even that could stop the smile that was dancing across his face, or the way his toes curled against the floor.
“I hope...” he stared at the confessions board as he tried to form words. “I hope you’re happy you found out who it was, then?”
“Honestly? I only didn’t want to in case it was someone I didn’t like. The idea it was you didn’t...really cross my mind.”
Kyle beamed at his computer, tapping a hand against the desk. “Can you imagine, if it hadn’t been? Found out it was Scott Malkinson?”
“God, can I opt out of this conversation? Thanks.”
“Would’ve suited you. Loser for a loser.”
“First? I’m gonna tell him that. Second? I want you to know, loser is not as affectionate as you seem to think it is.”
He was too busy being on cloud nine to really register the pinging from his desktop discord requesting his attention. After a couple of minutes he turned off the screen and fell back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling as he continued to talk away on his phone, making plans for the weekend.
Craig never ended up finishing his English report. Kyle attempted to help him finish it in the fifteen minutes they had spare before school started.