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He felt his eyelids move over the wet of his eyes; the sudden blinking felt like a switch being turned on inside of him. He blinked once more, scanning his current location. Ah. He was a few yards from his home in the distance, Technoblade and Philza's house not too far as well.
He wasn't sure what he was doing before, but he had a block in his hands and some mining gear in the heavy bag over his shoulder. He shrugs, the feeling of the straps digging into his shoulders from the weight making him start moving towards his home so he can drop the troublesome weight down. As his feet go through the snow, he looks over at his friend's homes, a smile spreading across his face.
Philza and Technoblade were nice neighbors. Philza had found him in the midst of ash and ruins, a home not quite a home in the first place smoldering before him as the man reached out and offered a new one. The man was covered in ash and spare dark rose petals stuck to the bottom of his cloak and one clung to his hair, but Ranboo didn't mind all too much. He was desperate for people who believed in him. Desperate for some place safe where he was free to talk to people without having to catalog sides and alliances in his already broken memory.
He knew what they called Philza. They spoke in whispers about how he was a war criminal. He was the one who had slayed the dragon, but he was also the one that stood beside the one they called the Blood God and conquered a world. Even then when he followed Philza after seeing the destruction the man was capable of, he couldn't find himself to be scared. Not when the man smiled almost sadly at him while making sure to not look into his eyes, offering items as they made their journey back to a place Ranboo had not been before.
The man had shown him around, Technoblade still rounding up his massive heard of hounds and leading them back while the angel showed him the farms he made and the house him and Technoblade shared.
"Techno won't mind you staying around here mate. You're welcome to stay in our cabin until you build yourself a home.", The man had told him. It didn't take long for Ranboo to open up his memory book, crossing names out with ink and writing a new name in their place.
It didn't take long for him to add an additional name to the short list. Technoblade was intimidating at first. While Ranboo towered over Phil, Technoblade was one of the only people able to meet him literally eye to eye. It was difficult to see the top of the man's face due to the pig skull but he could feel his eyes meeting his own and had to look away each time.
"You're staying here?", Technoblade had asked, not bothering to hide the sourness in his voice or the curling of his lip. Ranboo had froze, disappointment setting in and readying himself to make the journey back to the crater he had just departed from, but Philza's voice broke through those thoughts.
"Yes he is.", The man had said simply with a smile. "And he's welcome to ask me for help when he needs it."
"Well.", Technoblade had said, the rigidness in his shoulders relaxing slightly as he resignedly waved his hand. "As long as he doesn't mooch off our golden apples.."
Ranboo had agreed immedietletly to the statement, and with a quiet resignation, the man had allowed the precedence of the Enderman hybrid on his lands.
At first he believed he would never be able to get closer to the man. He knew he’d never have the type of friendship the man had with Philza. Even before Philza had told stories of another snowy place where him and the Piglin hybrid fought side by side, he knew. He saw it in the way the blonde man would gently remind the other to eat dinner, peeling potatoes while smiling at Ranboo and mumbling about how it was Techno’s favorite food. He saw it in the way Techno would grumble when Philza left the house without his coat, sometimes not even bothering to grab the said piece of clothing and just walking out into the snow to the man. Ranboo had watched from the window and laughed when he saw the man shuck off his own great cloak and engulf it over the other man, successfully burying him in the rich red fabric.
He didn’t mind it really though. How could you expect anything out of two gods who’ve known each other longer than you could ever comprehend? No, it made him smile when he accidentally came across Philza gently braiding long pink strands between his fingertips while humming softly, a relaxed expression on Techno’s face as he held his usual mask on his lap. Or even the one time when he came in late meaning to ask Philza something that he had already forgotten, and saw the man sitting calmly with his great wings spread behind him in front of Technoblade. It was an odd thing seeing hands of the most feared person on the server carefully move feathers in place and pick out ones that came loose. He had left quickly after his awe died down, feeling like he shouldn’t have seen.
It wasn’t like they hated him either, no it was quite the opposite really. Philza had taken his word on helping the man set up his own house, giving him materials and standing next to him and picking out an empty place in the land to start the build. He picked a spot near the other’s house, expecting the man to shake his head and say to move it farther away, but instead the man smiled.
“Sounds good mate. That way if there’s a storm you could come over easier.”, He had said with a nod as he looked at the land like he hadn’t told Ranboo something that made Ranboo’s heart feel lighter and his lips smile.
Techno took a bit longer to get to know, but maybe that was Ranboo’s fault in the beginning. Like everyone else, he had been cautious towards the man, believing him to still be begrudging towards the fact that he was staying on his territory. He had hoped to mend things by creating him an axe. He had heard the bitterness in his voice when he had caught a conversation between him and Philza; something about an axe of peace and Tommy. The details had gone fuzzy in his head, but he took to setting things right on his own. He told himself it was simply to repay the man’s kindness of letting him stay, but no, he knew it was more than that. He had Philza’s kind approval, but he wanted at least to know the other didn’t hate him at the very least.
“An axe.”, Ranboo had said as he carefully held the blade flat in both of his hands, the netherite blade gleaming from enchantments. He had only put mending on it, and he made sure to tell the man so, but the man had taken the axe with an odd look on his face. He had inspected the blade before he looked at Ranboo, the uncomfortable stare more bearable just this once.
“For rent.”, The words had quickly left his mouth before he could stop them and he immediately felt stupid for saying them. He thinks it was the right choice though, the man who had been silent until that point quirked his lips up with an amused smile and nodded.
“Yeah. This will do. Not that it’s spectacular or anything..”, The man had said as he looked away, his hand smoothing over the engravings on the handle of the took. Despite the words, Ranboo knew what lay underneath and he accepted it with open arms. He was welcome to stay. This will do.
It was a miracle he had made this all work. A miracle Techno and Phil seemed to enjoy his company, and a miracle that Ranboo has not found a way to screw it up like so many friendships of the past. He tried his best to stay on good terms with them despite their generous nature. He would offer both Techno and Phil gifts of netherite and tridents as well as help them with any tasks they needed.
They always accepted the gifts kindly and they didn't shy away from accepting help from the half Enderman.
"The more hands the better right?", Phil had said, and Ranboo couldn't agree more.
Home was always an odd word. A word he couldn't quite dub any place in particular, but now he had three: the house he built for himself, and the two men who had helped him back up on his feet.
He peers over at their house, not seeing any sign of the two out. He shrugs and thinks nothing of it. He knew sometimes Technoblade had taken to sleeping for days, and as much as it concerned Ranboo at first, Philza reassured him it was normal.
"Mate- He would sleep like this sometimes even when we were fucking taking over the world.", Philza had said with a slight laugh. "That's just Techno for you."
He goes inside his house, thinking he'll go and knock on their door later. Philza always invited him to come have dinner with them, and he would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy the company.
He shucks the bag off from his shoulders sighing at the loss of the heavy weight and sitting on his bed with a slight frown. It wasn't an awfully rare occurrence for him to zone out and zone in suddenly with little recollection of what he was doing. He tries to think, but nothing comes into mind. He only remembers waking up and feeding his pets before he sat outside.
From the tools in his bag, he must have been mining. He looks through it and sees a single netherrack block and a few gold pieces. Huh. He must have been in the nether then. He shrugs and puts the items in their correct places in his chest, wondering why he gave up so early before he even found any ancient debris. He shrugs and feels the slight soreness in his legs and supposes there’s always another day.
Later that night, he knocks on the door, his knuckles tapping against the wooden door. He waits, and after a tired “In a minute” called from behind the door, it opens and reveals a drowsy Technoblade. The man yawned slightly, showing how his sharp teeth as he rubbed one of his eyes. Ranboo smiles at the visual, immediately noticing how the man didn’t have his skull mask over his face. He was wearing it less around Ranboo, and the kid did anything but not notice.
“What’s up kid?”, Technoblade asks, his voice rumbling.
“Ah- Just wanted to see if you all needed help making dinner..”, Ranboo says and Techno steps aside to allow him in. Ranboo makes sure to wipe his shoes against the carpet laid out there before he takes the shoes off, a ritual done many times before. While he places them down he can’t help but notice only Technoblade’s large boots are there.
Before he could ask, Technoblade spoke his question aloud.
“Have you seen Phil? I’ve been sleeping.”, Technoblade states the obvious as he braids his hair.
“No.”, Ranboo says with a slight frown. “Didn’t really see him outside either. All day actually. Thought he was inside.”
“Oh.”, The man says but shrugs. “Probably out flying.”
“Ah.”, Ranboo says with a nod, because yeah. That made perfect sense. It was no secret the man loved flying. Sometimes he would peer up just to get a look at the clouds and see the man soaring through the air, his familiar and infectious laughter bubbling from him. He probably just lost track of time.
“We can handle dinner while he’s gone then.”, Technoblade says and Ranboo can’t help but snort.
“Sure that’s a good idea?”, He says and the man gives him an unamused look.
"Help me chop these vegetables instead of standing there.", The man says as he hands the kid a knife by the handle. Ranboo laughs and takes the knife, already taking the chopping board out.
They eat the burnt dinner in their chairs, both too silently preoccupied by the third plate to comment about the taste.
Ranboo falls asleep and wakes up on Philza's armchair. He blinks and sits up, a fuzzy recollection of a dream slips through his mind until he can't be bothered to try and remember it. He does remember falling asleep on the chair though. He was determined to wait for Philza. Despite Technoblade's reassurances of the winged man's old habit of flying for days on end, he couldn't help the worried feeling deep in his gut.
There's a blanket over him, one that wasn't there when he fell asleep, and he curls into the soft fabric a bit and wonders idly if that means Phil is home. He looks over and sees Technoblade standing by one of the windows, the trapdoor open. He remembers asking about why they didn't use glass for the windows instead of the wood when it was two of them alone one day.
("Try not to use glass around here kid.", He had said with a slight snort as they looked outside the window. Phil was by the bee farm, vials of fresh honey in his arms. "Phil may be an angel, but sometimes I wonder if he's more bird than anything..")
He sees the way the man stares as if something, someone, will come by. Ah. So Philza was not home. He could hear the wind push outside as it hit against the walls and windows. He wondered if it was safe to be flying in that. Or maybe it was better to fly when it was slightly windy? He didn't know anything about flying really.
He sits up, pulling the blanket off and folding it before putting it aside.
“No sign of him?”, He asks the obvious. The man looks over at him and shakes his head.
“He must have spent the night somewhere.”, He says.
“Yeah.”, Ranboo says hesitantly before he swallows the uncertainty he feels. “He should leave a note next time."
"Not really how he works.", The Piglin says with a snort. Before Ranboo can ask what he means by that, the man runs a hand through his hair; his usual crown off of his head at the moment, but the gold jewelry he usually wears is still on. His eye catches the green emerald earring the man always wears. He knows Philza has a matching one.
"He'll be back.", The man looks over at him and Ranboo has to look away to avoid his gaze. He just nods. Philza wasn't called the Angel of Death for nothing. Everyone knew of how the man has lived on for centuries and more with only his one life.
The two of them went about their day, despite the missing piece taken out of it. They worked around it, eating oatmeal for breakfast and Technoblade tidying up the house with a bit more effort than he usually put in. (Philza would always organize things around the house. Something about it calming him he had told Ranboo. It was a complete opposite from Ranboo's items scattered about chests randomly.)
Ranboo had taken to checking the bee farm despite his initial apprehension of the creatures. They reminded him of Tubbo now, his close friend adoring the insects. He thinks he should visit him soon again. He remembers his talks about making nukes. Huh. He hopes he's doing alright.
He collects the honey and jars it before putting them safely in the chest with the rest of the liquid. He looks up at the skies.
Another day passes with no dark feathers and familiar wide smile in sight. He has trouble sleeping that night.
He has a dream. Fuzzy images of the Nether. It's hot, and being half Enderman he can't help but sweat at the temperature. The man next to him notices and laughs a bit, something about sharing the same problem is said.
"Tech could last out here but not me.."
Ranboo laughs a bit before he follows the man, the both of them passing by stacks of random and out of place blocks that dotted the shared plane.
He wakes up with dread in his gut and his breathing fast. He blinks as he tries hard to make out the shape and face of the fuzzy images he saw but only makes the beginnings of a headache.
He reaches one of his long arms and gets the book off his nightstand, the familiar cover staring back at him. He hasn't read the contents in a while. He flips it open, looking at the crossed off lines and pages full of regrets and ideals. He sighs as some memories that were drifting off are pulled back in place inside his head. He's about to close it when he gets to what he believes is the last of his writings, but he turns the page and frowns.
"In the lava here."
The inked letters in his own handwriting stare back at him, a crude drawing of a map drawn beneath it with shaky lines. His blood runs cold. What did this mean?
He sits up, swallowing as he pulls on new clothes and leaves his home, desperate to find the meaning. He thinks the drawing is a pool of lava, a block labeled "grass" with an arrow pointed at it drawn next to it. He doesn't know of any pools of lava nearby. Was this in the Nether.
"Kid.", A low voice interrupts his thinking and he nearly jumps and drops the book out of his hands.
"I'm going to take Carl for a ride.", Technoblade says as he holds the reins of his diamond armoured horse with one hand. He frowns when he gets closer. "You ok? Look like you saw a ghost."
"I-", Ranboo says. How does he explain this. "I wrote something in my memory book. Sometimes I forget even writing stuff down but..I don't remember this at all."
"Huh? Well what's it say?"
"It's a map I think? I wasn't very descriptive...Just says something's there.", Ranboo says as he looks back at the drawing. Technoblade leans over to see but Ranboo pulls the book away from his line of view out of instinct, the man's lips frowning slightly.
"Sorry-", Ranboo forces out but Techno blade waves it off.
"Don't be. If you don't remember, just go find it."
"Just go find it.", Ranboo repeats with a nod. "Yeah- Yeah I think I can work with this."
Technoblade nods, hopping onto the tall horse with practiced ease. "I'll be back soon hopefully. If not just make sure to feed the dogs."
"Will do.", Ranboo says and the man begins to ride away as Ranboo waves him off. He knew he was looking for Philza. That must things are definitely not normal like the man kept insisting. Oh well. If anyone can find the man it would be Technoblade. He looks back at the map, his fuzzy dream resurfacing in the back of his mind and reminding him of the one place with endless lava pools. He groans and hopes he's not sending himself on a fool's errand before he goes to get his netherite armor for his mission.
Like any given day, the Nether's heat is suffocating, but Ranboo stifles the discomfort and keeps moving, his bow he still wasn't quite good at in hand in case any Ghasts decided to show up.
He looks at the sea of lava pools bubbling and looks out for any grass blocks. He sees the odd blocks people on the server have placed scattered about. Sand and carpet blocks in odd places that make him almost laugh at the absurdity. He remembers Philza complaining about the disorganization whenever the two crossed the plane. Ranboo had pointed out some of the blocks he placed himself which caused the older man to roll his eyes but laugh.
He keeps walking until he reaches the portal to L'Manhole and he thinks about turning around before he sees a flash of green to his left. He frowns and goes over to the dirt block. It was in perfect form. The work of an Enderman placing blocks. He looks around and sees no lava pool nearby, but he does catch his eyes on another block. He walks over to it and looks out and sees a trail. He swallows.
He picks up each block as he goes onwards, the action both soothing his nerves but also making his heart beat fast. Did he do this? Why didn't he remember doing this? Did he find ancient debris and leave this path? He didn't know- He didn't know and he hated not knowing-
The path stops at a block sitting at the edge of a lava pool, and he stares down at the molten liquid with a frown. Nothing was there except the lava emanating heat that made his face burn slightly. He wipes some sweat off of his face with the back of his head and huffs.
"I hate the heat too mate- Makes my feathers stick, it's the worse.", Philza's voice says in his head and he stands up straight. When had the man told him that? He looks around, his breaths coming in quicker. He thinks about his dream.
Him and Philza were in the Nether. It was him, it had to be, how could he mistake that man's laugh for anyone else's? Philza gone missing recently. Left without a trace the day Ranboo jolted from a trance without a clue to what he had done before.
The world began to spin. He stares at the last grass block. It's filling a space between two netherrack at the edge. He picks it up with shaking hands and stares at the hole placed there. So easy to trip and fall in. It was irresponsible for it to be there, why was it there? The lava was so high up, no time to swoop and spread wings and glide up and up to safety.
He chokes out a sob before he can stop himself, tears stinging his face and making the wretched noises he lets out worse; a mixture between End language and curse. The heat bears down on him through the pain, and he clutches at the block in his hands, digging his nails into the dirt without caring about how some got under his nails in the process. He looks at the lava. How could he go back? How could he go back and possibly explain this? He couldn't face Technoblade, coming back from searching for his dear friend with no luck. He couldn't-
He looks at his memory book, the map mocking him. How easy it would be to tear out the page and throw it into the lava. Hope and pray he never remembers this discovery. He swallows. What a terrible thing to think. When the man so kind offered him a new home despite what he did to him in the past.
"I'm so sorry.", He chokes out. The lava only bubbles in response.
Technoblade returns after five days, the door opening in the middle of the night. Ranboo is up. He's curled up on Philza's armchair, one of the man's winter cloaks on his lap, much too small to cover him, but he clutches to it like a lifeline.
The Piglin seems surprised to see him awake, but he doesn't bother to hide the exhaustion in his shoulders. He takes his skull mask off.
"No luck.", He says. Ah. He was no longer hiding his worry then. Ranboo feels his heart sinking and sinking. He had hoped for some miracle that he was sickly wrong about this. That Technoblade would step in and reveal the winged man behind him, smiling and asking Ranboo what he was so glum about. "I don't know where he went."
Ranboo swallows.
"He'll come back. If not I'll ask around for him.", He says. There's something sour in his voice at the last sentence and Ranboo instantly knows why. There's only one person who has logs about everyone's death. Oh god.
He can't do this. He can't get the words out. He looks down and tries not to cry. He needs more time to prepare.
"I'm sure he'll come back."