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Jihoon sighed, letting his shoulders droop.
He'd been working on this one move for what seemed like hours and it just wasn't working. It wasn't a particularly hard bit either, which was adding to the frustration growing in his chest.
Soonyoung called a break and Jihoon knew that it was aimed at him. He watched Soonyoung walk over to where he was standing only to get cut off by Mingyu.
"Have you been sleeping?" He asked, poking lightly at the bags under Jihoon's eyes.
Jihoon batted his hand away. "Yah, you know that's not really how you start a conversation."
"Oh sorry I didn't bring my pack of conversation starters with me," Mingyu said rolling his eyes. "Answer the question hyung."
Jihoon turned his face away from Mingyu. "I've been sleeping fine. "
That was a straight up lie.
Ever since he walked into a room filled with almost his entire group while in littlespace, he'd been lying awake at night staring at the ceiling.
That sure had been a fun conversation.
Jihoon had tried to be normal the next morning, getting up early and even going on a run. But before he knew it he had been cornered in the kitchen while trying to get lunch.
"Jihoon." Seungcheol's voice was a little too loud for the kitchen, and when Jihoon turned around he found a good chunk of his members watching him with interest.
"Hyung." He answered, taking out of of his earbuds.
"Do you want to talk about what happened last night?"
Jihoon shrugged. "Not really."
"Yeah, that's not an option." Seungcheol said, crossing his arms.
"Please Jihoon, we just want to know what happened." Jisoo's voice was a softer, and just hearing it made Jihoon relax a little.
"Fine, but I need Jeonghan-hyung here." Jihoon said, noticing he wasn't in the small crowd in the kitchen. If Jihoon was going to have to stand and explain everything, he needed Jeonghan by his side. It was non-negotiable.
Seungcheol nodded and pulled out his phone, and within minutes Jeonghan was standing next to him while Jihoon explained everything, voice shaking a bit.
He knew the day where he would have to tell the group would eventually come, but he thought that he'd have a little bit of time to prepare. Being cornered in the kitchen was definitely not something he would have thought of and gave him little time to think.
"It's called age regression." Jihoon explained, hiding his shaking hands in his pockets. "Its when a person reverts back to a younger state of mind, like that of a toddler or a small child. I mainly use it to cope with stress, like with comebacks and stuff."
"Ok but I don't understand how Jeonghan plays into this," Jisoo said, a confused look on his face.
This time, Jeonghan stepped in to explain. "When he wants me to be, I'm his caregiver. Sort of like an adult presence to make sure he doesn't get hurt or gets the proper amount of attention or something along those lines." He laughed a bit at the variety of different expressions around the room. "Come on guys, it isn't rocket science."
"I tend to become super cuddly when I'm feeling small." Jihoon said, some strange obligation to share more popping up out of nowhere. "I like hugs and big clothes and soft music."
Mingyu nodded and finally spoke up. "Is that why you climbed on my lap last night and I had to tuck you in?"
Jihoon buried his face in his hands, whining softly. "Please don't remind me, that was so embarrassing."
"No it was cute." Mingyu denied, then his voice changed into something a little more teasing. "Baby."
"Ugh, if I make one rule about my age regression its this," Jihoon looked around the room making sure to catch everyone's eye. "Nobody, and I mean nobody, is allowed to call me baby if I'm not in littlespace."
Soonyoung's voice calling everyone back to the center of the room snapped him back to reality. He could hear Mingyu huff behind him, and rolled his eyes. He didn't need to be taken care of all the time.
The rest of practice went about as smoothly as you could expect- which meant it was like a gravel road in the middle of a thunderstorm, or in simple words- hell.
Jihoon kept getting distracted by every small thing that passed- Vernon's untied shoe, Chan's glasses slipping down his face, and even the reflection of their manager's phone in the mirror. His body felt like it was a minute behind his head, causing him to miss cues and footwork.
Eventually it was too much.
Jihoon didn't slip into little space accidentally. He knew it could happen, he read stories and blogs about it, but kept clear boundaries in his head to prevent it from happening to him. He couldn't afford to slip on camera or while meeting with fans. That mistake might even cost him his career.
But the wall that was separating the two parts of his mind apart was chipping. Piece by piece, until it was as thin as paper.
The littlest thing sent him spiraling down to the floor, curling into as tight of a ball as he could manage. He could feel tears streaming down his face and tucked his head in further to avoid the embarrassment of the whole room seeing him crying in the middle of practice.
"Shit, Jihoon I'm so sorry." Seokmin crouched down, putting a hand on his back. "It was just a missed high-five. Are you okay hyung?"
The music must have been turned off, it was too quiet, Jihoon's shaky breaths echoing in the empty space.
"Not hyung," He managed to gasp in between his breaths. There was confused chatter above him, only making the tears come down faster. "Not hyung!" He repeated, louder.
He could feel the waves slipping over him, except this time he was wearing cement shoes, unable to swim back out to shore. He just wanted to be home, wrapped in his blankets, warm and comforted.
Instead he was still at the agency, on the cold hard floor of the practice room, blinding lights shining down from the ceiling.
"Not hyung," He repeated again quieter, hoping someone would get the message.
"Hey hey," Mingyu's voice was soft, like the sweater that was thrown over his shoulders seconds later. "Are you feeling kinda small right now?"
"Mmhmm," Jihoon hummed, in response to Mingyu's question. Now that some of the members cleared out, and he had someone that understood him the tears on his face were starting to slow, leaving dry tracks down his cheeks.
He poked his head out of his ball, noticing the room was empty except for Mingyu who was squatting on the ground next to him, Jeonghan standing a few feet away on his phone, and Seungcheol who was cleaning up the edges of the room, the buzz of the vacuum a familiar sound.
He sniffled loudly and Jeonghan looked up from his phone, a smile breaking out on his face. "Hi baby. How are you feeling?"
"Tired." Jihoon swiped a hand over his eye, catching extra tears. "Wanna go home."
Jeonghan nodded, tucking his phone away. "We can do that honey. We just have to get there first."
Jihoon looked up at him. "Gyu can carry me."
Mingyu laughed at that. "I can?"
Seungcheol walked over to them. "Everything's all clean so whenever you guys are ready to leave."
Standing up, Jihoon noticed that the sleeves of the sweater he was given slipped way past his hands, engulfing them in fabric. It made him giggle, the sweet sound echoing around the room.
Mingyu did end up carrying Jihoon to the car, then from the car into the dorms. He later found out that Jeonghan and Seungcheol cleared the hallways before they exited the practice room, making him feel really lucky to have friends to take such good care of him.
Back at the dorms Mingyu sat with him at the table, feeding him small spoons of the kimchi stew Jisoo made earlier in the afternoon. Jihoon was busy with the box of crayons and coloring books that Wonwoo had subtly slipped under his door a week ago.
Jihoon held up the coloring book, showing Mingyu the open page. "Look!"
Mingyu looked up from his phone. "Wow that looks really good!" He leaned in closer holding up his hand like he was telling a secret. "If you make a couple more I can convince Jeonghan-hyung to hang them on the fridge."
Jihoon nodded quickly, humming while he quickly got back to work. The soft strings in Jihoon's littlespace playlist accompanied by the rough scratch of crayon on paper filled the room, making it feel cozy and inviting.
About an hour later, when the pictures were up in the kitchen, the music turned off, and the dishes washed and drying in the sink, the duo found themselves on the couch. Jihoon had insisted on watching some cartoons and that they share a blanket and who was Mingyu to disagree? They had also acquired Vernon and Seokmin, who had apologized for the earlier incident during practice.
Jihoon had insisted that Mingyu play with his hair, sighing in content at the soft feeling of Mingyu's blunt nails scratching at his head.
Pretty soon Jihoon could feel his eyes drooping and it was getting harder and harder to stay awake. He sleepily tapped on Mingyu's shoulder, yawning. "Bed time?"
"Of course baby." Mingyu immediately got to his feet, lifting a very sleepy Jihoon into his arms. As they walked away, he motioned for Seokmin to turn off the tv.
Mingyu settled Jihoon on the edge of the bathroom counter, the water running to warm up behind him. Jihoon had singled Mingyu out to complain to his face about the dried makeup he had to scrape off the day after he was tucked in. Mingyu wouldn't make that mistake again.
Mingyu sang a lullaby while he gently rubbed a variety of toners, serums, and creams into Jihoon's face. Jihoon hummed along with him, a soft, sleepy smile stuck on his face.
Later when Jihoon was in bed, he would think about how lucky he was to have the type of support system he had. Almost every single member had done something to make him feel more comfortable, like the tiger stuffed animal he got from Soonyoung or the pack of brightly colored hair ties he got from Minghao. He would think about how stupid he was for spending so much time hiding and worrying that someone would walk in on him, when in reality everyone welcomed him with open arms and smiles.
He said he didn't like being taken care of, but it was looking like that was about to change.