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It was hard to pinpoint the exact beginning, but it might have started with breakfast.
Because of their group’s busy schedules, homemade breakfast in the morning was rare. But still Jihoon woke up to the familiar smell of food. He followed his nose out to the kitchen and found Mingyu and Jisoo chatting with Jeonghan and Seungkwan.
“What’s this?” He asked, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.
Mingyu looked up and started loading a plate with food. “I woke up too early, so I decided to make some breakfast. We have a pretty busy schedule with the long photoshoot today so I thought it would help.”
Jihoon took a seat at the counter and accepted the plate handed to him. He looked down to see his food arranged in a little smiley face and frowned. “Why?” Was all he asked.
“Because it’s cute and you’re cute so it matches.” Mingyu said effortlessly, oblivious to the warmth creeping down Jihoon’s spine.
“Yah, Mingyu-ah stop flirting,” Seungkwan whined, hitting him on the shoulder. Mingyu just stuck his tongue out at the informal use of his name and set a cup down near Jihoon’s plate before turning his back.
Raising the cup to his mouth, Jihoon was surprised. He was expecting coffee, but was instead met with the sweet sticky flavor of mango juice. He was so shocked that he almost dropped the cup.
Jeonghan put his hand under the cup so it wouldn’t fall and gently guided it back down to the counter. “Hold it with two hands baby.” He said, resting one hand on Jihoon’s head.
“Nope,” Jihoon tried to shake his hand off. “None of this right now. We have things to do today.”
Over the years Jeonghan had perfected his innocent face. He was using it right now. “What? I’m just trying to help Jihoonie.” He ruffled Jihoon’s hair before placing his hand back into his lap.
Jihoon muttered something sarcastic under his breath and turned back to his plate. He normally held cups with two hands to feel smaller but it was too early in the morning for that. However he tried to bury it, the nicknames Jeonghan used planted little seeds in his brain. Nevertheless, he used two hands to drink, sending a scowl over towards Jeonghan whenever their eyes met.
The waves brushed over his toes and started creeping up towards his ankles. The call was so sweet and tempting but he plugged in his headphones and turned up the volume as much as he could without getting a warning from Seungcheol.
Could it have been the ride to the shooting location?
He was one of the last members in the vans. Soonyoung stole all his right shoes again and he had to run around for fifteen minutes trying to find them. He cursed under his breath which earned him a glare from Seungcheol, but he didn’t care since he was doing his best to hop into one of the cars while still in the process of pulling on one of his shoes.
He ended up with the middle seat squished right in between Seokmin and Minghao. Out of all the people he could be stuck with, they weren’t the worst.
The ride was about an hour according to their manager and Jihoon sighed loud enough to get the attention of Wonwoo sitting in the front seat.
Luckily Minghao let him borrow one of his earbuds and he rested his head on Seokmin’s shoulder. Within a few minutes he felt his thinking slow down. Seokmin’s hand playing with his hair combined with the soft song from Minghao’s playlist was making it hard to stay sane.
At that moment he wanted nothing more than to snuggle closer into Seokmin. The methodic hum of the road was sitting gently in his head like a soft lullaby singing him to sleep.
He didn’t even know his eyes were closing until they snapped open when he heard their manager clear his throat. “Jihoon try not to fall asleep. You’ll get red marks on your face from Seokmin’s sweater.”
“Sorry hyung.” He should have known that. Curse his stupid brain for moving at the speed of molasses.
The waves were stronger now, tickling his shins. He was falling too quickly. He wanted to take a step back, feel the water recede to his toes but his feet felt like they were stuck in bricks, tying him down into place.
Or maybe it was his outfit.
He was no stranger to oversized sweaters as his small size made almost every article of clothing too big, but this one was soft on the inside with sleeves that went farther than they needed to past his fingertips. It was a light purple to match his shoes and for once was happy he got to wear his own. He took one look at the pair the stylists brought for Seokmin and had to smother his laugh behind a cough.
He walked into the waiting room in search of a snack when Jeonghan came up behind him.
“You look so cute today uji-ah,” He cooed, wrapping his hands around Jihoon’s chest, head resting perfectly in the nook of his neck.
Jihoon found himself melting into the hug a little before catching Seungkwan’s eye. “Yah Hyung get off.” He whined, but not putting very much effort into actually escaping the physical contact.
“Grumpy huh,” Jeonghan said, dropping his arms. “What time did you end up going to sleep?”
Jihoon rolled his eyes. “I slept in the studio before I came home, I’m fine.”
Jeonghan gave him a look. “Why don’t I believe you?”
“That’s a really good question hyung.” Jihoon accepted the iced coffee handed to him by Jisoo. His hands were still engulfed by the excess of fabric, so he took it with two hands to avoid it slipping, just like he did in the morning.
Jihoon caught Jeonghan’s eye as it came back up from looking at where he was holding the drink.
“Don’t.” He warned. Jeonghan had been his caregiver for long enough to know all the little hints he gave off before he slipped no matter how hard he tried to cover them up. “I know exactly what you’re thinking. I have it under control.”
“I just don’t want you to accidentally regress like last time.” Jeonghan put his hand on Jihoon’s shoulder and looked like he was about to say something else when he was called over by one of the staff. “I’m trusting you.\, but go Mingyu when I’m gone if you need help.”
Jihoon nodded and shoved him away. “I’ll be fine hyung, promise.” Jeonghan shot him one last indecipherable look before getting dragged away.
While he was waiting for his turn, Jihoon took out his phone. He only used it for texting, calling, and the occasional selfie, so it was pretty lacking in terms of entertainment. However, Vernon convinced him to download an app that was probably the stupidest game he had ever seen. But the colors were pretty and the way they flashed across the screen in time with the music made Jihoon’s feet tap against the floor in excitement.
A loud crash and a long string of apologies made his head snap up. He looked back down at his phone and scowled, shoving it in his pocket. Getting up in search of something to distract him that wouldn’t lead to him regressing.
Inside he knew that repressing his age regression was a bad idea. It would just lead to it all building up until he couldn’t take it anymore. He could already feel the water rising up to his thighs. It was all happening too fast, and he didn’t have enough time to stop it. His head wasn’t working right, a light fog hovering around the edges which made it difficult to think.
Before he knew it, he was sitting on the floor in front of dozen lights and even more staff, quite a few of them holding cameras. He vaguely remembered the concept being light and youthful, so he focused all of his energy on his face.
He was handed a stuffed animal before he could refuse. It was so soft, and he couldn’t stop his fingers from methodically running over it, holding its little paws in his hand. He giggled softly making the toy do a little dance in his lap.
“Woozi-ssi can you look up please?” The photographer called. “At the camera.”
Jihoon tried to find the camera but the large lights made little blind spots in his vision and he blinked quickly to get them to go away.
Once his vison cleared, he realized how many people were watching him. Someone was wearing an earring with a bright yellow sunflower hanging, swinging slightly with the natural motion of their body. Jihoon watched it captivated by its strange spinning movements.
The photographer called out again. “Woozi-ssi, I need you to focus.”
Jihoon tried to keep his attention on the cameras. They weren’t nearly as interesting as the shadows dancing on the wall slightly behind them though, and he felt his gaze drifting.
Eventually the photographer gave up. “We have enough pictures for today Woozi-ssi. But next time try harder to pay attention.”
Jihoon stood up, still holding the stuffed animal tight in his hand. The photographer looked disappointed and that sparked a little flame of guilt in his chest.
He needed to find Mingyu. That photoshoot was the last straw and he suddenly lost all the energy he was using to keep himself afloat. The waves danced around his shoulders now, tickling his chin.
He spotted the tall outline of Mingyu near a couple of chairs, talking with Minghao and Seungkwan. He took a couple steps in their direction before he was pulled away sharply, a tight hand on his upper arm.
Jihoon stumbled a little and looked up to find one of their managers standing above him. Was he always this tall?
“Jihoon what was that?” His manager asked, keeping his grip firm on Jihoon’s arm. “Why did you keep getting distracted? We have a lot of people still to get through and now it’s gonna take longer because you couldn’t keep your head on straight.”
Tears pricked the corners of Jihoon’s eyes. He really did try his hardest but focusing while he was in littlespace was always one of the most difficult things to do. Their managers rarely got mad, but when they did it was terrifying.
Jihoon tried to swipe at the tears running down his face as subtly as possible with his sleeve, but it was a bit harder to hide the sniffling. At least when he heard it, his manager looked a little bit guilty. He opened his mouth to say something else but Jihoon was already running away to where he saw Mingyu earlier.
He didn’t even wait for Mingyu to notice him instead jumping right into his lap and digging his face into his chest.
“Jihoon-hyung are you okay?” Mingyu’s arms instinctively wrapped around Jihoon’s body holding him tight on his lap.
“Jeonghan-hyung told me to find you if I needed help,” Jihoon said, watery voice muffled by the fabric of Mingyu’s shirt. “I need help.”
Contrary to what Jihoon thought at first, Mingyu was a natural caregiver. One time he walked into his studio to find Jeonghan and Mingyu in a deep discussion about
his age regression. He waited outside the door until the conversation changed, but it made him realize how much Mingyu was trying.
“Hyung told me this might happen,” Mingyu said, chest vibrating with his words. “We have to stay until everybody’s done honey.”
Jihoon just nodded, holding on tight like he was afraid he would float away if he let go. Mingyu ran his fingers through Jihoon’s hair, helping him calm down with the repetitive movement. Minghao gently placed his earbuds in Jihoon’s ears, a soft Cantonese ballad playing.
Mingyu started his conversation again but spoke softer continuing to use his hands to ground Jihoon. After a while Jihoon found himself fidgeting with the hem of Mingyu’s sweater. He could feel the tears drying on his face and he sat up to scrub at them with his sleeve.
“Feeling better?” Mingyu asked. He took the headphones away and shifted so Jihoon was more comfortable on his lap. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Jihoon shook his head. “Nope. No. I don’t”
Mingyu nodded. “That’s okay but you have to tell someone eventually.”
Jihoon turned his attention from the edge of Mingyu’s sweater to his hands. “Later. Not now.” He said, playing with Mingyu’s long fingers.
“If you say so honey.” Mingyu wiggled his fingers, watching with a smile as Jihoon’s face lit up.
They sat like that for a while, Jihoon quickly growing bored.
“Kwannie!”
Face buried in his phone, Seungkwan looked up. “Yeah?”
“I wanna play with your hair.” Jihoon said, motioning him towards the empty space on the ground in front of him.
Seungkwan made an apologetic face. “I’m sorry Jihoonie, the stylists just finished it.”
Jihoon stuck out his bottom lip. “But-”
“It’s okay Seungkwan-ah,” Mingyu cut in. “Let him do it and I’ll just tell that staff that we were playing and it was my fault.”
Seungkwan sighed and situated himself on the ground in front of their chair. Jihoon broke out into a smile and started running his fingers through Seungkwan’s fluffy hair. He hummed while he did it, twisting strands around his fingers and pulling until Mingyu told him to stop.
Soon Seungkwan was called away, so Minghao showed Jihoon some tricks with his hands and how to twist rubber bands into shapes.
Jihoon was actually having fun, and before he knew it, it was time to leave for the dorms. Mingyu’s hand fell on the small of his back as he guided Jihoon all the way out to the cars, ignoring everyone who called his name.
Mingyu lifted Jihoon into the car and buckled him in with the help of Jeonghan. Digging around in his bag, Jeonghan pulled out a pacifier. It was their latest under the radar purchase as Mingyu noticed that whenever Jihoon slept in littlespace, he always had something in his mouth.
Jihoon took it happily, sticking it in his mouth. He leaned against Mingyu as they drove home, the bumps of the road making his eyes droop.
He couldn’t quite pinpoint the beginning, but it was a pretty good end.