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Athena wasn't quite sure of what to think, as out of nowhere a Protogenos manifested in front of her as a middle-aged woman holding a baby in her arms.
“Venerated Foremother”, she greeted the person in front of her.
“Daughter of Zeus and Metis”, the other returned.
To a mortal she would have seemed like your average chubby matron. But she radiated such raw and incomprehensible power, such cosmic and primeval might, that to a goddess like Athena there was no doubt, who she was.
Gaia, the Earth Mother.
The generous and the terrible.
The nurturing and the destructive.
The mother of the sky, the sea, the mountains, islands and the fair spirits of nature, also of the Titanes, the Hekatonkheires, the Elder Kyklopes … and the monstrous Typhon.
“What gives me the honour?”, Athena questioned the Protogenos.
The dubious honour. That she didn't say.
Gaia held out the baby she had been holding. “This is yours now.”
Athena's bright blue eyes grew to the size of saucers. “I beg your pardon?!”
“Do you remember that little non-consensual almost-tryst you had with the blacksmith god?”
Athena frowned. “As if a woman could forget something like that.”
“And do you remember, how you threw the cloth, which was soiled with his seed, onto the ground?”
“Oh … oh, holy shit, did I accidentally knock you up?! I'm so sorry!”
“I'm Mother Earth”, Gaia pointed out. “Do you have the faintest idea just how many children I have? I mothered half of the Kosmos, Ouranos included! That fucking arsehole”, she added, muttering. “Either way, this happens all the time. I'm used to it and I can't even say, that I mind. However, this baby here has a little of your essence within him. So congratulations, Pallas Athena, head-born daughter of Zeus – you are now a virgin mother.”
And before the goddess could protest, the Protogenos pressed the child into her arms.
Then Gaia sank into the ground and once more became one with … well, herself. Leaving a very flabbergasted Athena holding a godsdamn baby.
“Sooo …”, Athena sighed and regarded the child. It was a boy and he had jet black hair and big brown eyes, just like his father – but despite him being a baby, she could tell he had her aristocratic nose and her high cheekbones. “I guess you are my son now, huh?”
Whelp.
She might have been the goddess of knowledge and good counsel, but she was also a virgin goddess; she had no idea how to do this kind of stuff! This was something for … pretty much any other of the Olympians.
Oh well … she would just have to take responsibility and try to raise this child. After all, it wasn't his fault, that he had been conceived like that and there was no way she would approach the god, who had tried to rape her in his drunk delirium.
Somehow this troubling memory gave her the idea for a suitable name for the earth-born baby.
The baby cooed and stretched out his chubby little arms. Okay, that was cute.
Athena smiled: “Well, I suppose I will have to raise you in secret, so no one can find and tell the world about a virgin goddess having a child.”
And with the child in her arms, she flew away and off to her new city, the one that now bore her name: Athens.
.
“You want us to take care of this chest, Potnia¹?”, Pandrosos asked.
Athena, who was holding a small chest in her arms, confirmed: “That's right. I want you to take this wooden chest here to the chamber behind my altar and watch over it, until I come back in a few days. You don't have to do much, but always remember this: Do. Not. Open. This. Chest. Is that clear?”
“Yes, Glaukopis²”, the three daughters of Kekrops, king of Athens, replied in unison.
The bright-eyed goddess nodded: “Good. Now I need to tend to my other duties. See you in a few days. And I warn you, if I find out that you disobeyed my order to not look inside this chest, you will suffer a fate worse than death. Keep that in mind. Toodles!”
Then she returned to Olympos, before anyone there would question her absence.
.
A few days later, Athena was carrying a whole-ass mountain across Attica (how? Goddess strength, that's how!) for the Akropolis, when a crow joined her in flight.
“Oh, hello, Koronis!”, the goddess greeted the bird.
“Hello!”, the crow replied. “I'm sad to say, that I come with bad news.”
Athena stopped short. “What happened?”
“Well, you asked me to keep an eye on the Kekropides, if they would do as you told them, right? They didn't.”
Promptly the goddess dropped the mountain.
“They opened the chest”, she said blankly.
“Yes, but only Aglauros and Herse. Pandrosos doesn't know. I'm so sorry!”, the crow cried, “I tried to talk them out of it, but they wouldn't listen!”
“It's not your fault, Koronis!”, Athena hissed, suddenly seized by wrath. “Oh, when I get my hands on those little bitches, they're going to get it! As for you, don't tell anyone of what you have seen, do you hear me?”
“My lips- I mean, my beak is sealed.”
“Good.”³
The wrathful goddess teleported herself to her temple in Athens, where she found Herse and Aglauros screaming hysterically on the floor.
With measured steps, Athena approached the chest. In it lay a baby, obviously none other than her earth baby, who was crying softly. A snake was coiled around him protectively and hissing aggressively, though it calmed down as soon as it saw Athena. The baby's upper body was normal, but from the hip downwards, his body was that of a serpent. As soon as he saw his adoptive mother, he stopped crying, bubbled happily and lifted his tiny arms.
“Hello, sweetie”, Athena cooed, completely ignoring the hysterical screaming behind herself. “Sorry for being away so long. But now I'm back.”
She picked him up and cradled him in her arms and he fell asleep in no time, while she was crying on the inside and desperately prayed to Khaos, Ananke and the Moirai, that she would be spared the shame of having to explain, why she was raising a child.
With blazing eyes and fury in her heart the war goddess turned to the mortal women, who were still having a mental breakdown on the floor.
And with a mighty, divine voice, she bellowed: “Go to the cliff behind my temple … and jump!”
The women, completely out of their minds, scrambled to blindly follow the goddess's order.
Athena followed them. She craved the satisfaction of seeing the ones who had dared to cross her fall to their deaths.
Imagine her surprise, when they jumped and she saw two flashes (one bronze, the other crimson) descend from the sky – and a second later, the two madwomen were caught in their fall.
“Hermes! Ares!”, Athena exclaimed.
“Hi, Athena!”, Hermes chirped, while struggling with a raving Herse in his arms.
“What's the meanin' of this?”, Ares demanded to know, as he was holding Aglauros in a vice-like grip (for a second Athena marvelled at his impressive pair of crimson wings, which he was beating to keep his stability against the wind and his struggling, screaming captive). “Why'd ya drive these two insane and make 'em jump off the Akropolis?”
Hermes nodded. “Yeah, we'd like an explanation. For that and for why you're holding a baby in your arms.”
Oh shit. She was still holding the little one in her arms and now her two half-brothers had seen him! Ares hated her and would be all too happy to rat her out, while Hermes was a notorious chatter box.
By Ananke, this really wasn't her day.
Athena forced herself to calm down and step back, so the two could land.
“Come inside my temple”, she sighed. “And I'll explain everything. And while we're at it, you could tell me, what you're doing here and why their worthless lives matter to you enough to save them.”
With a scowl she pointed at Aglauros and Herse, who were still winding themselves in the gods' arms.
“It's a deal”, Hermes accommodated her and he and Ares landed carefully.
“But first we gotta restrain these two”, Ares stated. “They're gonna hurt themselves otherwise.”
.
“So, lemme get that straight”, Ares said, as he nibbled at his ambrosia. “My brother Heph tried to assault ya, while he was drunk. You kicked his arse, because obviously. Then some of his cum got on your thigh, you wiped it off and threw it away, also because obviously. And then Gaia thought it would be hilarious to turn this soiled cloth into a baby and push it onto you, even though she knows, that you have sworn to remain virginal and childless forever.”
Athena nodded.
The older god scowled: “Yeah, that sounds like something that fucking arsehole Protogenos would do.”
The wisdom goddess almost chortled at that.
“And then”, Hermes jumped back to the original topic, “you put him in a box, asked the daughters of Kekrops to take care of the box and not open it. But they opened it anyway and went cuckoo. And you were mad at their disobedience, so you told them to jump off the Akropolis.”
“Correct”, Athena confirmed. Then her face darkened again. “And now it's your turn. How are you related to those two? Don't tell me you've slept with my servants!”
It was Ares, who answered: “Slept with them – no. Courted them – yeah.”
“Good”, Athena nodded. “Only virgins like myself are allowed to serve me.”
“Speaking of the two”, Hermes piped up, “can you please give them their sanity back?”
The warrior goddess's eyes narrowed. “Why? They had it coming! That's what you get for snooping and disobeying my orders.”
“Pleeeease”, Hermes begged. “We'll carry them far away from Athens and you'll never have to deal with them again! How are we supposed to get lucky with them, if they're insane?”
“Get yourself mistresses that aren't deal-breaking bitches?”, Athena deadpanned.
In that moment the baby kicked in his wrappings and began to whine. She sighed and picked him up.
“I was going to give him nectar and ambrosia, once he became immortal, because that's what I was planning to do. But now that he's mortal like any other human, I don't know what to do!”, the goddess lamented. “I'm the goddess of wisdom, but I'm also a virgin and I can't handle babies for crap!”
Ares frowned: “Yeah, that much is clear. Well, Daddy's Owl, how 'bout ya take some advice from an actual parent, who's got experience in bringin' up kids. First off: you're holdin' him all wrong. Do ya think the baby can hold its big head up by itself?”
Athena cringed and hurried to rearrange her hold.
But the war god just shook his head, came over and guided her arms to show her how to do it right, until she managed to do it to his satisfaction.
“Better. Secondly: he's hungry. He needs mother's milk. I suggest ya find him a nurse, 'cuz the way I see it, you're not the kinda woman to breastfeed a baby.”
“Right!”, Athena huffed. “You two don't happen to know someone, who won't go insane at the sight of him and his snake guardian and who can keep her mouth shut?”
“I could ask my mother”, Hermes proposed, albeit reluctantly. “She is silent, a recluse and has adamantine nerves. And once the nursing period is over, she'll just give him back to you.”
Athena thought for a moment, ere she consented.
“Alright, thank you. Now that this is settled, there is one more thing I have to ask of you, before I cure these two women of their insanity and let you take them away.”
“Whatever ya want”, Ares promised. “If it's in our power, we'll do it.”
Hermes nodded affirmatively.
Athena's face became stern. “I demand the most sacred oath. Ares. Hermes. Swear to me by Gaia, Ouranos and the freezing water that drips from Styx, that you will never tell anyone about this child. And Hermes, I want you to let Maia know, that I expect the same from her.”
The two gods didn't hesitate to swear this solemn oath.
The goddess of wisdom sighed: “I still don't understand what you see in those two. But whatever. A promise is a promise.”
She snapped her finger and the two mortal girls passed out. Really, the things she did for her family!
“There. When they wake up, they'll be sane again. I suppose this is your lucky day, because these two are so fired from my service! So, if they consent to it, couple with them as much as you want. I literally don't care what you do to them, as long as it isn't rape.”
“Of course not. Thank you, Athena”, Hermes smiled politely.
“One more thing!”, Ares requested. “Before we proceed any further, can I hold my nephew?”
Athena tilted her head. “Huh? Uhm, sure.”
With great care the god of terrible war took the baby from his half-sister's arms.
The infant didn't seem frightened of Ares at all, quite the contrary: it giggled and coiled its serpentine lower body around his wrist, when he made silly faces.
“Awww, you're such a big softie! I wish I had a camera!”, Hermes teased.
Athena smirked: “Yes, I never thought I would see that day! Look at that, the little one likes you!”
“Don't make me stuff you two into the next best volute krater⁴”, Ares warned without turning his gaze from the little one. “I'm sure, I can find one big enough for you both.”
The other two chuckled, but ceased their teasing; they couldn't fight with a baby in the room.
Hermes addressed Athena: “By the way, what's the little one's name? You gave him one, right?”
“But of course”, she confirmed. “His name is Erikhthonios.”