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Kaoru had been feeling unwell the entire day.
There was this scratch in his throat that simply wasn’t going away. He rolled his head from side to side; he stopped smoking a while ago. Kaoru wasn’t sure why he felt all clogged up today.
He threw his eraser at Kojiro. That kid had been quiet all of class, and despite it being break, he wasn’t doing anything relatively obnoxious. Just because there was this shitty feeling in his throat doesn’t mean he wasn’t gonna annoy Kojiro. Kojiro turned around. “Seriously, what do you even want?” Kaoru smirked, “you’re uncharacteristically quiet. Some girl on your mind?” Kojiro's face flushed. “Kojiro, your face is as pink as my hair. Who is it?” Kojiro hastily shuts his journal—probably was doodling some new deck design.
“Not telling you.”
“Oh, you’re no fun at all. You know I’ll sit on you next time I catch you doing push-ups, you little shit.” Kojiro winced, “it’s… Hirai Momo.” Kaoru nodded along. Kojiro ranted about girls to him always, he doesn’t have a problem with it. Kaoru mentally noted that his throat felt drier than it had been the whole day. He interrupted Kojiro, “Oi, Kojiro, before we go to the park, I want to stop by the convenience store.” Kaoru patted down his pants. He forgot his wallet. He lazily smiled at Kojiro. “You’re paying for my shit, by the way.”
“Kaoru, you really have to stop forgetting your wallet at home.” Kaoru only stuck his tongue out in response.
“Don’t tell me you forgot your water bottle too.”
Kaoru smiled innocently as he slid two water bottles across the counter to the cashier. It was the little things he did to drain Kojiro’s wallet. “I’m here to use you for your money.” Kojiro pouted before he looked at Kaoru, remembering something, “oh, Adam’s not coming today. Just thought I’d let you know.” Kaoru nodded and took the bottles after Kojiro paid.
“So, you fine with the usual then?” Kaoru opened the bottle and chugged down half of it. His throat was still scratchy, weird. Kaoru nodded. “Yeah, let’s just go to the park. You still need to work on your consistency, Kojiro.” Kojiro presses his lips to a line. “Fuck you, honestly.” Kaoru laughed, dropping his board to the ground. He got on it—already speeding away from Kojiro. “I would gladly fuck myself, thank you very much.”
Kojiro yelled at him as Kaoru turned the corner. Kaoru felt a sudden urge to cough engulf him, he wobbled a bit before stepping down for a sip. “Kaoru, wait up—huh? Are you good, dude?” Kaoru nodded. “I felt a really bad cough rise up to my throat… It is really hot around here, I think it’s from dust or something of the sort.” Kaoru stepped on his board again; this time waiting for Kojiro. “You coming or not?”
Kojiro shrugged, a smile on his face. For a fleeting moment, Kaoru thought it resembled the sun.
(He ignored how at the same fleeting moment, how it felt like he couldn’t breathe at all.)
Kaoru thought his throat got better before he found himself at the toilet coughing up what looked like yellow pointed ovals. He squinted at the stark yellow in the water before flushing it down the drain. He doesn’t know what the hell he ate for that to happen, but he could care less. Kaoru yawned before changing into his clothes. He still has to go to school and see that spinach haired beanpole. (Kaoru passed time trying to think of vegetables and animals Kojiro resembled.)
He heard his phone buzz from his room. Probably Kojiro bugging him about some dumb shitty meme again. Kaoru sighed and finished buttoning up his shirt. He’ll buckle up his belt in a bit. He picked up his phone before he flipped it open.
K!O%JIRO$ :D
yo u rdy yet? im here early
Kaoru yawned again. Reading Kojiro’s username is a hassle. When Kaoru asked Kojiro to put his email in his phone contacts, the least he could’ve done was make it easy-to-read in the morning. Kaoru felt that scratchy feeling at his throat once more. Seriously, he doesn’t know what’s going on. Kaoru hastily typed a response, he still had to put on his clothes properly.
His eyes wandered over to the earrings on his table. Kaoru’s ears had been pierced since forever, though he hadn’t made the bold decision of wearing earrings to school. Kaoru looked back at the mirror. It wouldn’t hurt if he wore them. Kaoru scoffed, he could picture the bullshit he’d have to go through with the teachers later. He put the silver earrings in. They shined as the sunlight hit them.
Kaoru finished up putting his clothes on properly not long after that. He grabbed his bag from the floor and darted down the stairs. He doesn’t want to listen to whatever nagging his Mother had for him. Something about his hair, something about his biology grade. He shut the door quietly behind him. “Yo Kaoru!” Kaoru narrowed his eyes at Kojiro. He’s like a weed in the ground, so obnoxiously bright in the sunlight. “Morning to you too, Kojiro.” Kaoru noted that the scratchy feeling was back at his throat. Just what did he eat yesterday? Kaoru cursed.
“Something the matter?” Kaoru shook his head. “Nah, I realized I left my water bottle in there…” Kaoru scratched the back of his neck. “I really don’t want to go back inside—“
“When did you wear earrings?” Kaoru turned to Kojiro. He would continue complaining about his Mom, but Kojiro’s reactions were amusing. Kojiro’s eyes were wide in shock. Kaoru raised a brow, a smirk growing on his face. “You didn’t know?” Kojiro nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t. Oh!” Kojiro pointed finger guns at him. That seaweed looking guy really had to stop doing that. “You can drink from my bottle too, I don’t mind sharing.”
Kaoru felt a cough rise through his throat. Horrible timing really. Kojiro hastily pulled out his water bottle and shoved it into his arms. “You’ve been coughing for almost—a week, I think? But you’re going two. You don’t look like you're sick though.” Kaoru shook his head weakly, he really needed to search up just what the hell was going on with his throat. He gulped down the water. His voice came out raspy, “I don’t know why I’m coughing either… Probably has to do something with the shit I just threw up this morning… Looked like some yellow oval pointed thing, probably from the mangoes we ate yesterday.”
Kojiro shivered. “I don’t wanna get what you have, so no more mangoes until you’re done with this coughing thing… We gotta get going though.” Kaoru placed his foot on his board (it had been down, Kojiro just hadn’t noticed it) before tossing Kojiro’s water bottle back to him. “You better hurry up then, you tortoise.”
“For fuck’s sake, Kaoru, please stop for the love of God.”
Kaoru flipped him off, tongue sticking out. He should consider getting his tongue pierced.
Kaoru’s coughing doesn’t cease to exist from there. In fact, it did the opposite.
Always on the days he’s alone with Kojiro too. He bursts out coughing out of nowhere. He’d deemed the yellow pointed ovals, sunflower petals, or some other yellow flower. (Really, was there any other flower that had yellow petals shaped like this? Kaoru doesn’t think so.) He still hasn't gotten a chance to research why he’s coughing up petals, but the last thing he’d want is to get his parents involved. Kaoru joked that he’s allergic to Kojiro—though at this point, going one month with coughing fits, that could be a cause.
“Kojiro, I need you to stay two meters from me.”
Kaoru’s seat was right up next to the classroom’s window, Kojiro sat two chairs down from him. Kojiro scrunched up his face in confusion. “The fuck?” Kaoru knew the scratchy feeling plus the urge to cough was arriving any moment, he cleared his throat. “I think I’m allergic to you. That or you’re carrying air where there’s something making me cough so much.” Kojiro’s jaw dropped, a mix of dumbfoundedness and even more confusion. “Kaoru, we’ve been friends since we were eight, how the hell are you allergic to me?”
Kaoru took a breath, adjusting the mask on his face. “I’m saying you’re dusty and it’s making me cough more than it should.” Kojiro’s face is bunched up, Kaoru knows what he said is ridiculous, but he’s being true. “I’m not lying. I’ve literally been coughing every time I’m around you, I don’t even know why.” Kojiro’s face is released from it’s bunched up. “Dude, shouldn’t you like—I don’t know—get that shit checked out with your doctor?” Kaoru shook his head. “Hell no, my parents already hate me enough, I’m not going to the fucking,” Kaoru coughed, he felt the petals on his tongue, “I’m not going to the fucking doctor.”
Kojiro frowned but sat down in his seat. He’s far enough from Kaoru. “You sure? You’ve had that worrisome cough for the past month. It’s concerning.” Kaoru rolled his eyes. “I have a mask, and I’m drinking more water. Getting rid of my dehydration too, so it should be gone in a week or so I believe…” Kojiro’s lips pressed into a thin line. He pulled out his pencil case and journal. “Yeah, you said that two weeks ago and it’s still here, Kaoru.” Kaoru only rolled his eyes.
“I’m doing more to protect myself now, so don’t worry.”
Kojiro laughed at that statement. It was a sweet little sound that seemed like something Kaoru only heard when it was just Kojiro and him.
Kaoru almost went into coughing fit right then and there.
Kaoru sat there at his computer, eyes rereading what Internet Explorer was telling him because what the actual fuck? The fuck was a ‘Hanahaki’ disease?
Hanahaki [thromboflosia] is the rare (one in every 876,000 people gets diagnosed every year) disease of throwing up flowers.
It stems from unrequited love—although multiple factors come into play. Environment, how long you’ve known the loved one, the diseased one’s mindset, are all things to be considered when diagnosing Hanahaki. The prominent symptoms are throwing up flower petals, flowers if it’s gotten to a malignant state, coughing fits, scratchy throats around one certain person. If you have any of these symptoms, specifically throwing up flowers, please contact your doctor or a specialist.
Studies from Harvard University in 1998 have shown that between the 5 patients examined, most had an attachment, and or couldn't live without the other. Anxiety and panic disorders have proven to put patients at higher risk…
Click here to read more
This had to be some bullshit, Kaoru thought to himself. This sounded like some fake disease made to fuck with him. One in every eight-hundred thousand? There had to be another disease, that doesn’t sound like the plot of some fanfiction.net story. affecting him. Kaoru should get rid of yellow foods in his diet because those petals keep coming out of his mouth.
Kaoru spared a glance to the petals he dried off, carefully, to examine. They sat in a paper plate on his desk. Kaoru just wanted to know where they come from—that isn’t the dumb reason of unrequited love. He knew he wasn't in love with anyone at the moment. He couldn’t have Hanahaki disease if the main damn cause was love, of all things. It was stupid.
He ran a hand through his hair. He needed to get it cut soon. Kaoru looked back at his computer screen, it wouldn’t hurt just to read up on the fictional shit called “Hanahaki.” Kaoru might get a laugh or two out of it. He clicked on the Read More option and continued reading.
Hanahaki had three stages depending on which type it is. Throw up flower petals, throw up flowers, finally, throw up a garden. Benevolent Hanahaki never straining past flower petals, malignant Hanahaki causing a flower to root itself into the trachea, bronchial tubes and lungs—instantly killing the one who has it. It was also said you could figure out why you’re in love with someone from the type of flower that takes root.
The only two known options to survive malignant Hanahaki was to either get surgery or confess. However, the repercussions of the surgery sounded horrible. Surgery, if gone wrong, could permanently damage your lungs. The nerves involving emotions and feelings are normally severed during this procedure. Kaoru shivered. That doesn’t sound fun at all.
Apparently, this disease has been around since forever. It’s simply just so rare that there had never been any outbreak of sorts. An epidemic of Hanahaki, Kaoru found it amusing. Though Kaoru may be slightly convinced that this could be a possibility for why he’s always been coughing. Just slightly. His eyes trailed back to the petals. Bright yellow sunflowers.
Kaoru knew what that color meant. Kaoru also knew what the flower meant. Happiness, warmth, and friendship. If I have Hanahaki, Kaoru thought to himself, does this mean I’m in love with someone I know? Kaoru almost burst out laughing. He tried to imagine himself in love with Adam, Tadashi, hell, even that idiot, Kojiro. Kaoru couldn’t see him in any situation like that. Well, that’s a lie—he will say he did feel his heart skip a beat when he sees Adam. Regardless, he’s fine being just friends with all of them. He really was.
That was until he felt the surge of petals scratch the back of his throat.
Kaoru stared at the yellow flower petals in his hand.
Three months of this sickness and he thought he was handling it fine until he looked in the mirror. He looked like shit, and no one could deny that. The scratchiness of his throat returned, he was used to it by now. Sucked that water couldn’t even help the dryness of his throat go away. Kaoru turned in his bed, he did not want to go out. His mother could yell at him all she wanted—he didn’t give a damn.
He put a hand to his mouth. It was coming. He could feel the urge to throw up, petals in tow. The petals were inconsistent when they wanted to come out. It was the coughs that made him unable to even concentrate on his work. His parents tried dragging him to a doctor, but he didn’t go through with it. He screamed and kicked and threw a fit. It’s a fictional disease that somehow existed and he somehow caught it. A cough escaped him.
Kaoru let out a curse. The petals were everywhere. He really hated how they just fly and flutter around, landing wherever they pleased. Kaoru also noticed the subtle drops of blood on the flowers. He hadn’t even noticed the metallic taste of blood on his tongue. He closed his eyes for a bit. He just wants to rest.
“—Oi Kaoru? Hey, Kaoru? Kaoru, wake up!”
Kaoru jumped. He was trying to sleep, who the hell was waking him up? “I just wanted to sleep for five minutes, who the fuck—“ It was Kojiro. He sat at the edge of Kaoru’s bed, a plastic bag in his hand. Kojiro smiled at him. “You’re awake. It’s six PM right now, you were out like a light when I arrived.” He spared a glance to Kaoru’s other pillow.
“Those petals…”
Kaoru sat up, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t know either.” Kojiro looked down. He fumbled with the plastic handles of the bag. “It’s Hanahaki, right?” Kaoru looked up. “How do you—“ Kojiro cut him off. “My grandpa got it for his best friend and first love: my grandma. He says it was hydrangeas he coughed up. Nearly killed him, you know, but when he found out the disease was out of love—he didn’t hesitate to tell her how he felt.” Kojiro looked at him. “So who’s the one trying to kill you?” Kaoru let out a hoarse laugh. “I think… Adam.” A coughing fit took over him.
Kojiro hastily took a water bottle out of the bag before passing it to Kaoru. “You might as well say you love him if the coughing is that bad. Gramps always said it gets worse when you mention their name, or think of them and it hits you with a cough.” Kaoru knew that much. Kojiro didn’t have to repeat what he learned from off of the internet. Kojiro’s lips pressed into a thin line. “Are you gonna tell Adam?” Kaoru nodded weakly. “I’ll tell him soon enough.”
Kojiro quickly got up, setting the bag on the edge of Kaoru’s bed. “I’m—I’m going to use the bathroom real quick. There’s more water in the bag and I got you cough drops, so I hope that helps. Oh! I got you those cherry candies you also really like, haha. Just give me one minute, Kaoru.” Kaoru watched as Kojiro hurriedly exited his room. Kojiro must have been really sensitive to the Hanahaki topic. He knew that look, that look Kojiro has on whenever he’s about to cry. He’ll let Kojiro cry over it. That idiot always was a crybaby. Kojiro worried too much.
After all, he hasn’t thrown up fully bloomed flowers yet. Kaoru shouldn’t be on the Hanahaki Death Row if he’s only throwing up flower petals with a little bit of blood.
Kaoru sat there on the concrete. It was useless.
Trying to tell Adam how he felt when, in fact, Adam’s homophobic. It was just a simple “Guys dating guys? That’s disgusting, it’s a sin to date people of the same sex.” Everyone but Kojiro and him had gone home. He didn’t feel the petals rushing to cough out. There wasn’t that scratchiness, or that dry feeling. Wasn’t it supposed to get worse when you were directly and or indirectly rejected?
He kept his eyes on his board. Shit, it really was getting late. Kojiro stopped in front of him. “Did you get to tell him about… you know.” Kaoru shook his head. “He’s homophobic. Heard him say it today,” Kaoru scoffed, “felt like he knew I was gonna say something like that.” He kicked a pebble into the ocean. “I’m starting to think—I don’t know, maybe it wasn’t Adam who I was in love with.”
Kojiro stood there, eyes wide. He sat in front of Kaoru. “What do you mean? I thought you had to be aware of your feelings for Hanahaki to happen.” Kaoru shook his head, the scratchiness just decided to come back. “It’s as long as your heart knows you would die for this person, whether you’re conscious of those feelings or not. My symptoms haven’t gotten worse after hearing that.” Kojiro furrowed his brow.
“But… if the feeling of being so in love with someone, that you’re willing to die for them… wouldn’t you have to know you’re feeling that?”
Kaoru shrugged. “I don’t know. Whoever I’m willing to die for must be someone I’m really close to. I just don’t know who. I don’t know who else it could be if it’s not Adam.” Kojiro moved and sat next to Kaoru, “Well, if this person’s so special to you, I don’t know why it’d be unrequited. I mean, look at you.” Kaoru raised a brow. “What are you,” a cough, “saying?” Kojiro huffed.
“You’re like... the most badass guy I’ve ever met!” Kojiro looked at him, arms trying to act out his words. “You’re just so fucking cool? You’re like really smart too and all,” Kojiro rubbed the back of his neck. “And I know that sounds weird coming from me, but I really think you’re amazing. I don’t know who would reject you.” Kaoru felt the scratchiness of his throat itch harder, yet it resided as fast as it came. The compliments must have had an effect on the flowers. Kaoru let out a rough laugh. “I’m being serious! If this guy—person, I may not know who they are, if they reject you, I will really beat that person up!” Kaoru gave Kojiro a look. “Aren’t you a bit too weak for that?” Kojiro pouted. “I’m working out! I’m not that weak like I was back in junior high.”
Kaoru smiled and laid his head on Kojiro’s shoulder. He looked at Kojiro’s empty hand. He looked away, he really shouldn’t hold hands with his best friend. That was a bit too cringe-worthy for him and his big age. A coughing fit took over him as the thought slowly flew away. Weird. Kojiro quickly unscrewed the cap of his water bottle as pressed it to Kaoru’s mouth. It went away quickly, which Kaoru knew was unusual. Nowadays, the coughing lasted for two to five minutes; blood occasionally staining the petals.
Kojiro gave him a worried look. “You sure you really don’t want to get this checked up on by a doctor? I think it’s getting worse, you delaying it just…” Kaoru shook his head. “It’s not malignant Hanahaki, I’ll be fine.” Kojiro frowned. “You sure you haven’t had a hard time breathing?” Kaoru looked at the concrete again. “Sometimes, but not too often so don’t worry.” Kojiro laced his hands with Kaoru’s own. It was warm. If Kaoru thought about it, it felt like home.
“I just don’t want to see you hurt, okay, Kaoru?”
Kaoru felt another cough rise to his throat. Seriously, maybe he’s just allergic to being shown love and affection. He knew he’s touch-starved and he knows Kojiro had always been an aggressively touchy guy. This is really causing his Hanahaki to act up. He hummed a response, keeping his hand loosely intertwined with Kojiro. They could hear the soft push and pull from the sea from where they were sitting. “Hey Kaoru?” Kaoru only rubbed his thumb against Kojiro’s hand. Maybe the sleep deprivation is getting to him. “What kind of flowers are they? We can figure out who it is if you know what flower it is…”
“Sunflowers. They’re sunflowers, Kojiro.”
Kaoru hadn’t coughed up any flower petals since that night near the sea-line and he thought, maybe he’s finally freed.
It’d been a week since then and there was nothing. No vibrant yellow covered in dots of red; no scratchy, dry throat. Nothing. Other than the occasional shortness of breath, he was doing good. Three months and he finally felt like he could breathe. Kojiro poked him with his pencil. “Jesus Christ, what do you want?” Kojiro passed him a paper, “So you know how my Gramps also owns a flower shop?” Kaoru nodded.
Kojiro pointed at the drawing of a sunflower. The same petals Kaoru had been throwing up the past few months. “One thing’s for sure it’s one of your friends, because sunflowers depict friendship and all. It’s also a love that has…” Kojiro takes a breath, “That you—you’ve loved for a long time. It really does mean that you’ll love them even if the world went through ten world wars, a zombie apocalypse and an alien invasion all at once.” Kaoru blinked. “That’s one way to describe it, I guess.”
Kojiro laughed sheepishly, “Yeah, it is, but that’s basically how much you love this person. Gramps also said it had to be a person who really brings you happiness too. Throwing up sunflowers means the person those flowers are dedicated to are like a ray of sunshine—“ Kaoru cut Kojiro off. “Hold on there. Can we, like, take a break before you go more in depth on the symbolism of flowers?” Kojiro rolled his eyes. “We’re trying to find out the person who was trying to kill you, ya know. Just because you’re not feeling it now doesn’t mean it’s not gonna come back again.”
Kaoru gave Kojiro a look. Kojiro only shook his head and got up, “I’m getting you some ginger tea, it should help with your throat.” Kaoru winced. He’s not much of a tea guy, he’d rather be running on fifteen cups of coffee. “I told you my symptoms went away—“ Kojiro was already out the door. Kaoru scooted the paper closer towards him. It was a beautiful drawing of a sunflower and Kojiro’s atrocious handwriting underneath.
How Kojiro managed to pass his tests with that type of chicken-scratch, Kaoru doesn’t know.
Kaoru took the reading glasses out of his bag and began skimming through the page. As much as Kojiro’s handwriting was absolute shit, Kaoru learned how to translate it in a way. The paper mentioned everything that Kojiro said—it was in more fancy wording, probably just Kojiro’s grandfather’s way of speaking.
Kaoru leaned back into his seat. Someone he’s known for a long, long time; someone who he considered a friend. It was a ‘someone’ who he loves through thick and thin, someone who made him happy. Like a ray of sunshine, is what Kojiro said.
It was a familiar statement to him. A cliché phrase Kaoru was used to hearing. Heard it in songs, read it in romance novels, etc. And yet, it still struck a chord in him. There was someone, at some point in time he thought looked like that. Bright, ethereal, warm, someone who did all three. It couldn’t have been Adam. Despite all the times he felt his heart race around Adam, at the end of the day, it wasn’t him. There wasn’t really anyone—well, that’s a lie.
There was always Kojiro.
Really, how could it be Kojiro? His natural lanky tree-looking self more or less blocked the sun, Kojiro couldn’t be the sun itself. He was always an idiot too. Wanting to be this big buff guy, Kaoru found it annoying. Kojiro’s whole personality was a nuisance to deal with. Always clashing with each other over the stupidest reasons.
But at the same time? There wasn’t anyone else who’s stuck beside him for so long. That checked off the longevity part. Of course, Kaoru considered Kojiro his friend. They cared about each other too much for them to simply call it “hating” each other. Kaoru thought about the times Kojiro always made him laugh, and well, that counted as a type of happiness right? Kaoru’s mind flashed a picture of Kojiro’s smile, he almost found himself smiling too before he stopped himself.
Oh. “I’m in love with Kojiro.”
At the realization, suddenly there wasn’t enough air. Kaoru collapsed from the seat at his desk, hacking out cough after cough. He could barely breathe. He felt something come back his throat, his classmates surrounded him in a blur. Shouts, screams, questions. He couldn’t hear a word. His body felt numb, but he only kept coughing and coughing.
Kaoru tasted blood. Then there was something bigger, the same thing that’s been scratching his throat the past few months. A drawn out cough before a liquid as if it were doused in metal filled his mouth. Through a blurred view, he saw a sunflower covered in blood. Kaoru mentally cursed. Sunflowers kept falling from his mouth; blood following not too long after that. If only he hadn’t realized it too damn late.
He could hear the thumping of his heart in his ears. It was far too fast to be normal, Kaoru forgot about this clogged up feeling. He really thought he was okay. He could still barely process his surroundings. Classmates' shouts frantically echoed in the background, sunflowers fell one after the other on the ground, he saw the broken glass and wire rim of his glasses in the pool of blood. His head felt light. He felt someone pick him up. The coughing didn’t cease to stop.
Shit, this is gonna stain my shirt. Kaoru thought plainly as blood and another sunflower came out from his mouth. He’s losing air.
Kaoru barely looked up. Kojiro was there. So he was the one who came to save him at this time, huh? Kojiro ran past classrooms, trying his best not to hurt Kaoru all that much. “Kaoru, I swear to God, why didn’t you say anything?” Kaoru coughed again, two sunflowers falling. “You fucker, you can’t die on me over some guy you don’t even know you have feelings for! Goddammit.” Kaoru wanted to laugh in Kojiro’s face and tell him, you’re wrong. Kojiro was wrong. He knew who was making him coughing up sunflowers.
“Shit, was it a week that you hadn’t felt anything?” Kaoru nodded weakly. He could taste blood and could barely hear Kojiro’s voice. He’s really going to die, isn’t he? “No coughing or anything?” Kaoru tried to nod again. He’s losing strength. There just wasn’t enough air. “Shit, okay.” Kojiro took a breath before holding him closer. “Kaoru, please, hold on, I can’t have you dying to this fucking disease because you fell in love with someone I don’t even—“ With all of his strength he had left, Kaoru grabbed the necklace around Kojiro’s neck and kissed him.
And for that one second—he hoped it conveyed the message. Kaoru hoped it could scream the words, “it’s you!” Kojiro knew him well enough to know exactly what that meant. Kaoru’s vision began blurring as he saw Kojiro start welling up. He’s losing himself. “Dumbass, I love you too, but that’s not how our first kiss was supposed to go! Don’t fucking die on me just yet!”
Kaoru coughed a bloody sunflower for one last time, trying to smile just once before he fell into the void of eternal sleep. I’m sorry, Kojiro.
Kaoru didn’t believe in God.
But when he woke up to the sound of machines running and white walls, he’s pretty sure this wasn’t hell. Kaoru was on the verge of dying, however long ago that was. He closed his eyes again. Too bright.
“You’re awake. Holy shit, you’re awake?!”
Kaoru opened an eye and saw Kojiro on the side of his bed, a convenience store bag in his hands. “Wait here—I’ll go get a nurse.” Kaoru tried to yell at him to just stay right where he was, yet no sound came from his throat. What the hell happened when he was supposedly dead?
He thought he died. Kaoru was pretty sure he died. Last thing he recalled was kissing Kojiro—oh shit, they’re going to have to talk about that. Guess a kiss really did save him from eternal sleep. More or less, a kiss from Kojiro. Kaoru processed it and it made some sense. Somewhat. He knew the gist of what’s going on. God, Kojiro and him needed to talk.
By the time a nurse came by, one, he learned that he’s freed from Hanahaki, two, he’s been out for a week, and three, the surgery for the fully bloomed flower in his chest made him temporarily lose his voice. The nurse switched out his IV bag and gave him whatever pain medication he needed. Kaoru would’ve thanked her. (Though with no voice he really couldn’t do anything.) With that, he’s once again alone with Kojiro in a hospital room.
“So… you’re back.”
Kaoru tried to nod only to be stopped by Kojiro. “Wait! Slowly. We don’t want to open up any wounds or stitches.” Kaoru moved a hand to his neck. Bandages. “The reason you can’t talk is because they had to get the sunflowers out of your throat… normally they wouldn’t have to worry about that, but because of the state you were in…” Kaoru closed his eyes. He was still tired. He tried to write in the air. Kojiro’s confused voice stopped him, “do you want your phone instead? It’s in my bag, hold on.”
He heard Kojiro shuffling about the room, mumbling words to himself. Kojiro was always like that. That guy couldn’t sit still in one place even if he wanted to. It oddly made him glad. “Ah! Here you go, Kaoru.” Kaoru opened an eye and saw his phone in Kojiro’s hands. He opened it and opened the chat with Kojiro. Kaoru looked up at Kojiro, waiting for him to start the conversation.
Kojiro looked at the ground, playing with the hem of shirt. “So it was me the whole time?” Kaoru began typing. A ding could be heard from Kojiro’s phone. Yeah, I guess so. Kojiro looked at him again, “I’m sorry.” Dumbass, what are you sorry being sorry for? “Well… If I knew it was me, I would’ve put you out of that agony than make you wait, and if I knew it were me…” Kaoru scrunched his face up.
Shut up. You say that like I actually knew about my feelings.
Kojiro’s eyes widened. I literally found out the moment I began coughing like crazy. So don’t start blaming yourself, it was me who didn’t see it sooner. Kojiro was quiet, rereading the text. Kaoru sent him another: What? “I just… I just don’t want to force you into something you’re gonna regret, you know? I know that if you got in a relationship all of a sudden—“ Kaoru began angrily pushing at his keypad, the ding from his text being delivered stopping Kojiro.
Fucking shut up will you? It feels like I’m not the one in the fucking hospital, temporarily unable to talk because I somehow managed to a catch a disease because of unrequited love. Kaoru took a breath. If anything I’m more concerned about you forcing yourself to this. Kojiro sighed, brows furrowed. “How can I be forcing myself to do this, Kaoru?” He rubbed the back of his neck. It was a small habit Kaoru knew Kojiro did when he was nervous. “I mean, think of this whole situation from my point of view. The guy you’ve been in love with since you were like twelve starts coughing up petals for this guy, who also happens to be your other best friend, and it just…” Kojiro met his eyes, a sad smile on his face. “The fact it was me this whole time who made… it just seems so unlikely. Feels like this has to be some mistake, you know?”
Kaoru sat there for a moment, pondering. Kojiro’s been in love with him for that long? Didn’t that make him the cruel one? He really hadn't gotten a single clue about it, he didn’t even think that was possible. Kaoru mentally cursed. He hastily typed and I’m sorry before looking at Kojiro. Kojiro smiled at him. “Don’t be. I was planning to keep this with me until I was under the ground, but it’s fine now. I think so at least.” Kaoru smiled back, he grabbed Kojiro’s hand and intertwined it with his. He never texted it to Kojiro but he would’ve said, we’ll be fine.
(Kojiro’s hands had always been bigger than his.)
“I just can’t believe, Kaoru. I really can’t.” Kaoru nodded slowly. After all, he still needed to “think” it out. He knows what he wanted to do, it was self-explanatory. He knew this feeling was reciprocated—he was somehow still alive. Kojiro broke the silence. “The past few days I was thinking about it… and I just… I just don’t want you to regret this because I do want to go past our friendship and we could start, I don’t know, dating?” Kojiro broke eye contact with Kaoru, “I’ll do whatever you want. I don’t mind. Just let me stay by your side that’s all.” Kaoru slowly pulled his hand away from Kojiro’s hand to type out a response.
I wouldn’t mind that. Kaoru quickly added, dating I mean.
Kojiro read the text. He laughed for the first time since Kaoru woke up, albeit a small laugh. Kaoru couldn’t help but find it adorable. Kojiro leaned in and kissed his forehead. On a normal occasion, Kaoru would curse him out, but for now? Kaoru will enjoy it.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind that either.”
Sunflowers had a weird way of staying there, facing the sun. And Kaoru knew that even if he wasn’t the brightest star out there—Kojiro will be there, facing him.
(“Also you know, Kaoru…” Kojiro began. Kaoru raised a brow. “The whole school knows we’re like a thing now. So I thought I’d just let you know.” Kaoru mentally cursed.)