Chapter Text
April 5, 2017
Dear Goro,
It’s been a while, hasn’t it?
And before you object, yes I’m calling you “Goro”. No arguments accepted.
I used to keep a journal when I was in Tokyo, but I gave it to Sojiro before I left. I was required to write in it because of my probation, you see, but it became somewhat of a habit since I did it every day for almost a year. They say it only takes 20 days (or something) to create a habit, and they also say old habits die hard.
Fuck. This was a stupid idea.
Anyway, when I got back home to Inaba, I found this journal and thought, well, why not start writing again. I guess I just didn’t know what to write. It’s weird; trying to write to no audience. It’s not like anyone will ever read this. I hope they don’t. That would be especially awkward. I’ve never really been the best writer, but this is just plain embarrassing.
So, all that to say, I’ve decided to write these entries to you instead of writing to nobody at all. I don’t know why it makes a difference since you, but it does.
I start school again next week at Yasogami. That’s the local high school here. It’s a small town, so there’s only one. There might be a few new faces, but most of the students already know about why I was sent to Tokyo in the first place, and anyone who doesn’t will probably be filled in by the rest of the students. That’s just how things are in small towns.
Have you ever been to a small town like this?
When I first got to Shujin, I thought it would be different, but Kamoshida ruined that, too. It’s probably one of the least horrible things he’s done, especially compared to what he did to Ann and Shiho. I can’t really complain too much. (Kamoshida is kind of like Shido in that way – he fucked my life up, for sure, but what Shido did to me is nothing compared to what he did to you.)
I never want to write Shido’s that bastard’s name again. He will now be known as “That Bastard”. Actually, that’s not severe enough. Give me a couple days to think that one over.
Anyway, what I was trying to say before I rudely interrupted myself is that I’m going to start school again, but I’m not really that nervous about it. It’s going to suck, to be sure, but that’s life. It’s nothing I’m not already used to.
Right. I should probably fill you in on all the things that happened since you since February.
When we broke free of Maruki’s control, I was in jail. Not like, I’ve-committed-another-crime-and-got-arrested kind of jail, but more like, reality had happened without us knowing, and we got dropped right in the middle of it. Things had gone back to what they were supposed to have been, meaning I had ‘supposedly’ turned myself in to the police on Christmas Eve. It was a bit of a shock, actually. I don’t know what I’d expected, but it wasn’t that. Part of my brain thought I’d woken up back in the velvet room.
You weren’t there for all the stuff with Yaldabaoth, so you probably don’t know what I mean by that. The velvet room is sort of like the metaverse, but not really. Long story short, it’s a big blue room, and it looked like a prison for me. That’s enough about that.
Did you have a velvet room? You had two personas, after all.
Were you a wildcard, too?
But yeah, I woke up in a jail cell. How charming.
It’s kind of funny, thinking back on it. Definitely wasn’t funny at the time, though. People gave me all sorts of weird looks, like I’d grown an extra head. But I also asked a lot of equally strange, menial questions, like “what day is it” and “where are we”. Things I would have known, if I’d actually been there.
But I wasn’t there. I was in some fucked up version of reality, concocted by yet another god who thought that they were better than everyone else. Another god that I shot in the face.
In a way, I’m glad it happened.
You would hate me for saying this, I know it, but I’m glad we had that time. I’m glad I got to see you again, even if it came to an end.
Part of me wonders if it was ever really you there with me in that world, or if you were just something Maruki created to fill a space in the world. Did he make his own puppet, or did he actually bring you back from the dead? Were you ever truly aware? Did you experience any of it, or were you (as in, the real you) already gone? I suppose those are just more questions that will never find answers.
I wanted to believe that it was us, together, against the world.
But like you told me; you chose your own path. I can accept that.
Even if doing so is harder than actually having to shoot god in the face.
Wow, this is falling apart quickly, isn’t it? Maybe this wasn’t such a ‘genius idea’ after all. What do I even say to you??? What do I want to say to you?
There’s a lot of things I want to say to you, but I’d rather tell you in person. I can’t write them to you, because it would defeat the purpose of telling you to your face. I’ll add this to the running list of promises we are keeping for each other.
I still have your glove.
The thieves all moved away. Makoto and Haru both graduated – Haru pursuing a degree in business so she can run Okumura Foods, and Makoto studying criminal justice. She wants to become a police commissioner. I understand, but, I still have my reservations. But, it’s her life, not mine, and you know as well as I do that when Makoto puts her head to something, there’s nothing that can stop her.
Ryuji started up physical training on his knee. He wants to compete for track scholarships for University to help his mom.
Ann has been travelling for modeling.
Yusuke is doing what Yusuke does: painting.
Futaba starts at Shujin next week too. We are very proud of her.
Morgana lives with Futaba and Sojiro now. I tried to bring him to Inaba with me, but my parents wouldn’t let me in the front door with him. So, I brought him back to Leblanc. It’s fine, he’ll be happier there anyway. Inaba is boring.
It’s fine.
I’m fine.
Fuck.
None of this has any life, anymore, does it? It’s just words on a page, words on a page, words on a page. More fucking words on a page.
My parents won’t even look at me. I have no friends here. The thieves are busy living their own lives and I’m happy for them. I don’t want to interrupt their goals or weigh them down, but I’m not like them. I don’t have a goal.
You would laugh at that, probably. You would say something pretentious like “The great leader of the Phantom Thieves without a goal?” But it’s true. They all have things they want to do, and I’m just here. In Inaba. I don’t know what I want to do after. I’m sure I’ll go to school to do something, but right now it seems impossible.
It’s just one more year.
What’s the point, anyway?
You’re wrong, too, you should know. I’m not the “great leader of the Phantom Thieves” anymore. They needed someone, and I stepped up because nobody else did. Keeping them safe was my goal before.
They don’t need me now.
It’s better this way, though. They are chasing their dreams and I couldn’t be more proud.
I’ll figure out my goal eventually. I just need some more time.
It’s just one more year.
Until next time,
Akira