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“I don’t understand why you didn’t try to get me out of this! I mean your friends with the administration, it’s crazy that they want us here on Saturday-”
“Honey you’re the one who chose to ditch class to go shopping, you will now face the consequences. Have a good day.” Lily Evans rolled her eyes at her father, slammed the car door shut and made her way inside the school.
“Will this be the first or final time we do this?”
“... The last.”
“Use this time to your advantage…”
“Dad I can’t study there, we’re not supposed to do anything.”
“Surely you can figure out a way!”
Sarcastically the voice spoke, “Yeah dad!” Not waiting, Remus Lupin left the car fast, sighing as he made his way to detention.
“Look I messed around… guys mess around, there is nothing wrong with that. Except you’ve never messed around with lacrosse.”
“Yeah I know mum already screeched at me, okay?”
“This isn’t like you James, not with sports, other teachers maybe, and a few detentions, but this…”
“I gotta go dad”, James Potter exited the expensive car, and entire the building
Sirius Black walks towards the building, with his signature leather jacket, and black combat boots. A car slammed into the breaks as the infamous Black didn’t stop when he saw the car. Marlene McKinnon's head popped out the side window, as if she was about to speak but changed her mind last minute. She stepped out of the car, and went to talk to the driver, only for the car to speed off, she followed Black into Hogwarts High-school.
~~~~~~~~~~
There are six tables in two rows.
Lily takes the seat at the very front, Remus took the seat right behind her. When James comes in he points to the chair next to Lily, she shrugs, he takes the seat. Sirius strolled into the room, fingers dragging over items he sees, sitting at the table on the opposite side of the room from Remus, throwing his feet on the desk. Marlene takes the open table behind Remus, as James and Lily snicker, while Remus simply looks confused.
Just then Mr. Slughorn, the biology teacher assigned to the detention, sauntered into the room, a stack of papers in his right hand. “Well then congratulations for being here.”
Lily raised her hand, talking even without being addressed, “Excuse me, but there has to be a mistake. I don’t belong-”
Slughorn cut her off, ignoring her words, “It is now 6:58, you are to remain in the library till 4. Pondering on the mistakes you’ve made that landed you in here. Rules, no leaving the room, you are here to sit and think”. Sending a pointed look to Sirius he walks over and pushes his feet off the table, “No sleeping, or anything you could possibly think of doing here. Today will be different, you will write a one thousand word essay, about who you think you are.” Handing the paper out, Slughorn carries on, “and by a thousand words, I don’t mean the same word being constantly repeated, understood Black?”
“Of course.”
“My office is right across the hall, so no fooling around. Questions? None fantastic”, Slughorn retreats from the room. Everyone tries to get comfortable, when their attention is drawn to Marlene, who is chipping wood from the desk, flicking a piece to Sirius when she sees their eyes on her.
Remus mutters to himself, “Who am I?” He goes to take off his denim jacket, at the same time Sirius shrugs his off. The pair makes eye contact, Remus breaking it, feeling embarrassed pointedly looking at the blank paper in front of him, as he still feels Sirius eyes on him.
“Hey letterman, what’d you do to get in here? Forget to wash your uniform?”
Remus huffed, “Does it matter? Just write your bloody essay.”
James looked at Sirius for a moment, “As Lupin said, doesn’t matter. So quit being a pain in the arse.”
“Just ignore him, he’s just trying to start a fight.”
“Don’t worry princess, I won’t ruin his face for you. ‘Sides letterman I can do what I want, perks of freedom,”
Lily scoffs, “Fuck off Black.”
Sirius rolls his eyes, getting up from his seat to sit on the railing, “I reckon we should close the door, can’t possibly have any fun like this.”
“Doors are supposed to stay open Black.”
“What’s the matter Lupin, scared to break the rules, and have it go on your record?”
“Black the rest of us don’t care, just shut it!”
“Didn’t realize you could think for yourself letterman.”
“Who the hell are you to judge anybody! I mean you could disappear right now and it wouldn’t make a difference. Not like people here would care”. For a brief moment Sirius' facade fell, but he managed to keep a neutral face. What he didn’t see was Remus catching the second his mask broke.
“Who knows maybe I’ll join the lacrosse team.” Lily laughed at the thought, so Sirius turned his attention to her, “or maybe join the student council.”
Lily gave him a pointed look, “You know why guys like you act like you do?”
Sirius let out a faux laugh, “Oh please enlighten me princess.”
“It’s because you're afraid.”
Sirius gave an exaggerated gasp, “Look at that! Princess here is so very smart.”
“You’re a coward hiding behind a mask, it’s pathetic.”
“Fascinating really, and you just happen to go around screwing assholes, isn’t that right?” Lily turned beet red, giving Sirius one more glare before turning back around.
Sirius laughs, leaping from his chair and heads to the doors. He assesses them for a moment, slyly removing the screws. As the door slams shut he rushes back to his seat, screws tucked in his hidden pocket.
“The hell Black? Slughorn is sure to come!” And in the moment, James' words came true, as Slughorn looked at the door, to the group of teens, eyes settling on Sirius.
“Funny Black, why’d you close the door?"
Innocently Sirius spoke, “I didn’t sir. I’ve just been here sitting the whole time?"
Slughorn fixed him with an unimpressed look, eyes flicking to Remus for a moment. “Lupin what happened?”
Remus jumped, not expecting to be addressed, he looked up to find both Slughorn and Sirius looking at him. “The door closed on it’s own sir, none of us have moved." Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sirius lip twitch, he resisted the urge to squirm.
“Evans, is that so?”
“Yes sir.”
He moves to the doors, and eyes land on the bookshelf, “Lupin, Potter come move this to block the door.”
The two boys get up, moving to the shelf, but Sirius spoke up, “You know that’s a safety hazard, what happens if we get injured. A fire breaks out, that’s child endangerment.”
Slughorn's eyes narrow, “Potter, Lupin leave it, go sit down.” He comes to a halt in front of Sirius, “you better watch your mouth boy, if it was up to me, you’d have Saturday detentions for the next six weeks.”
That caused Sirius to raise an eyebrow, “That’s so… then why haven’t I received one?”
“Your parents are generous people and have made a donation. It would do you well if you learned to be more like the younger Black.”
Sirius eyes hardened, “Fuck you!”
“Do not give me a reason to contact your family.”
While that caused Sirius to shiver he reminded undeterred, “Yeah ‘fraid they’ll take away the donation. Or maybe you’ll ask mother to come and… personally repay you, for sweeping the detentions under the rug.”
Slamming his hand on the desk, he spoke firmly, “This boy is why you're the family disappointment. The way you're heading you’ll be on your way to prison. Face it, you're a Black through and through, there’s no changing who you’re meant to be! Might as well accept it now and change your way.” He turned away and made his way to the double doors.
“GO TO FUCKING HELL, YOU DICK!”
“You just can’t seem to stop can you? This will cost you more than it will me, and we both know that! You know something Black, you should stop pretending you’re something, when you really are nothing. You’ll always be the spare, second choice, the one people won’t care about if you disappear.” The door slammed when he left.
This didn’t prevent Sirius from screaming, “FUCK YOU.”
It was only 8:03.
~~~~~~~~~~
10:32 am
Sirius was standing by a bookshelf, ripping the pages out of a book, but he couldn’t care less, surely his parents would give a nice gift for his troubles.
“Real intelligent”, drawled James, turning back to Lily when Sirius gave him a wolfish grin. “You grounded tonight?”
“Don’t know. Dad said it’s fine mum not so much.”
“There’s a party tonight, Prewett twins, reckon you could go?”
“Doubt it. Dad says okay, mum says no. It will just turn into another argument, it’s like a time bomb, any moment”, she snaps her fingers, “divorce.”
“Who’d you prefer?”
“What?”
Sirius rolled his eyes, walking back to the table he claimed, “Who do you like better, dad or mum?”
“I- I don’t know. They’re both strict.”
“If you had to pick?”
“Probably neither, would rather go live with my sister but she doesn’t like me much. To my parents I’m just someone they use to get back at each other.” Marlene snorted in the background but the group didn’t put much thought into it.
“What about you letterman, good relationship with mum and dad?”
“Either answer, won’t matter.”
“Sure it will, you’ll just be a liar for one of them.” James hand twitched, his anger was growing.
Sirius turned his head, “What about you Lupin, you get on with the folks. I mean you're practically a dream child.”
Remus lifted his head and looked Sirius straight in the eye, “No I don’t.”
Flatly Sirius spoke, “Really parents aren’t don’t praise you the moment you walk through the damn door?”
Jaw clenched, eyes hard, “No.” For a split second Sirius just observed Remus, understanding there's more to this nerd than he originally believed. He took the attention away from the two, looking to Lily who was watching them.
“How about it red, the rumors are true?” When Lily simply cocked her head, he elaborated, “Snape and his friends all saying they took you to bed. Really I think it’s false, probably waiting for a white wedding.”
“NO! Where the hell did you hear that?”
“Like I said, simple rumors. You should stay clear of Snape, unless you're down to be part of the gang.”
Sirius stood, making his way to the bookshelf again, “How’d you know ‘bout that? He’s not in… officially.”
He stiffened, and sneered, “Sources.” When really Regulus followed in his father’s footsteps, he just has the displeasure of living with them,
The door creaked open, an older man with white hair made his way inside, looking around, holding a stack of books. “Remus, my god how’d you end up in here?”
Remus looked at him, and raised an eyebrow, as the man would be aware why he was in there. The older man sighed, and then again when he landed on Sirius, “Thought you’d try to stay out of trouble?”
“What can I say, the Black name has it’s… issues Aberforth.”
“Boys try to do better. I don’t fancy seeing you here every Saturday,” he squinted at the clock, “oh my, the clock is 20 minutes ahead!”
James, Lily, and Marlene groaned, yet Sirius and Remus wore smiles to Aberforth Dumbledore, an assistant counselor.
~~~~~~~~~~
12:00
“Lunch, you have 30 minutes”, Slughorn yelled as he merely opened the door.
“What about drinks sir? I have a very low tolerance for dehydration, and Potter here is an athlete.
He grumbled, “McKinnon, Potter, you have five minutes.”
The two walked in silence, James only speaking when asking “Drink of choice?”
“Vodka.” James blinked at her, getting her a soda from the machine. “Do you know Black?”
James tensed, “Why?”
She shrugged, “Seems like you both know where to hit the other so it hurts.” James pace quickened, this would not be a conversation he had. The two handed out a soda, and water to everyone, and once they were seated, Slughorn was satisfied, and left the room.
Sirius didn’t bother for lunch, as he wouldn’t have any, thanks to his lovely parents. James and Lily each pulled out homemade food, while Marlene, and Remus had stopped by a restaurant.
For probably the millionth time that day, Remus' eyes drifted to Sirius, and saw he had nothing. Making a decision before he could come to regret, he balled up the paper meant for the essay and threw it at Sirius' head. Sirius turned, eyebrow raised, face morphing to shocked when Remus threw him half his sub. When Remus saw the soft smile, one Sirius made sure no one else saw, before turning back, his heart might have skipped a beat. The others noticed the exchange but said nothing, as if knowing there is something more to the two of them
~~~~~~~~~~
1:24 pm
Lily spoke up, addressing Sirius, no longer able to keep in her curiosity, “Black you’ve asked about our families, what about you?”
Sirius let out a bitter laugh, “Potter didn’t tell you already?” She sent James a glance who seemed to be avoiding her eyes. “Well allow me to enlighten you, as dad would say, ‘worthless son, no good fag, disgrace, no son of his. Mum prefers ‘unloveable waste of space on the planet, ruined the family name, just a constant disappointment. Oh and if they really feel like it I’ll be leaving the house with brand new battle wounds.”
“You could leave.” James stood, and went to be in front of Sirius.
“That so, where? Your place?”
“Don’t act belligerent Black, it’s not a good look on you. Think I don’t know what my parents offered you, cause I do. And don’t you dare act like I don’t care because you know damn well I tried, but it wasn’t enough for you was it?”
Sirius stood, getting in James face, “I tried too! And don’t you tell me I didn’t! I tried to leave, or please them and it wasn’t enough! Then that damn night happened!”
“You blame me, don’t you! That’s why you stopped talking to me, left like I was nothing!”
Sirius pushed him back, making Remus and Lily stand, Marlene tensed. “I fought for you! You think I just accepted what they said, and left I didn’t! But you never responded, so I figured whatever they said, or offered was enough to leave me and I need you! More than anyone else, I needed you!”
“I needed you too, except I never heard from you again, not over the summer, or at school, you tossed me aside. You matter to me!”
James and Sirius were both flushed, the latter letting out a choked laugh, “That so? ‘You could disappear right now and no one would notice’, isn’t that what you said!”
James swallowed, “I didn’t mean it, and you know it!”
“You were my brother, and I loved you!” Sirius' voice broke, mask slipping, “What the hell happened?” Neither men could for a response, Sirius tore his eyes away from James' face and went to hide behind the bookshelf. James slumped down in a seat, eyes filled with tears, Lily comforting him. Remus' eyes followed Sirius, and before he knew it he was following him.
He found Sirius sitting, leaning on the shelf, eyes closed as he attempted to control his breathing. Without thinking he sat down next to him, ignoring Sirius' question look, instead he pulled out a bag of weed, and rolled the joint, lighting and taking a puff, offering it to Sirius who took it. It was roughly an hour before Sirius spoke, “We were best friends, closer than brothers. He was my family. I tried to leave, but my own blood brother sold me out, paid for it, roughly. Don’t know what the hell my folks said to the Potters but it was enough for James to not speak to me. I tried to find out what but couldn’t, after that they whisked me off to a boarding school in France for a year, before coming back here.”
Remus hummed indicating he heard him, deciding to share too, “Dad only tolerates me. Mum died in a car crash, how I got my scars, he blames me, I was five. He remarried, and she hates me, both borderline abusive. I study so I can get into college and leave and never come back. Got in detention because I punched Yaxley, spoke about the accident, I lost it.”
Sirius laughed, “Guess we have more in common than I thought Lupin.”
“Call me Remus.”
Sirius bumped his shoulder, “Sirius then. I got here on purpose, anyway to be anywhere but the damn house. To them I’m always second best, and they make sure I know it on every occasion. I know how people see me, a criminal. M’not though, I have good grades, I rebel as a big fuck you to my parents, because they can’t control me. I’m a godfather to my cousin's kid, another exiled black sheep, and I have an uncle who I stay with when possible.”
“I’m quiet because I learned that if I wasn’t noticed at home, then they wouldn’t find a reason to yell, or threaten me with violence. They don’t know I’m bi because they’re both homophobic, seen them hurl slurs at people who were once friends.”
Sirius went to take another puff, “Cheers to shitty families, and walls put up.”
Remus smiled at him, and accepted the joint, lapsing into quiet.
~~~~~~~~~~
2:35 pm
Sirius and Remus have yet to move from their location, the joint long gone, basking in each other's presence. It was an hour later when tentatively James, Lily and Marlene came to join them. When neither men protested they sat down forming a circle. And for the third time in detention Marlene spoke, “What the hell happened between you two.”
James ran a hand through his hair, “We were best friends from the age of 11. And even with his family name I didn’t care. I didn’t know how bad his life was till we were 14-ish. Told him he should leave and come live at mine, and he tried… but he was caught. I tried to reach out, I really did, I called, and wrote letters, texted, emailed, anything, but I never heard back. Then one day your parents showed up… with the police. Long story short there threats were made, as were restraining orders, as were some choice words. I tried Sirius, I really did. And when I never heard back that year, I gave up, thought maybe your parents had an influence.”
Quietly Sirius said, “At boarding school I called, wrote letters, emailed too. Never understood why I didn’t hear back. You were the one person who never left, and suddenly I lost you too. I didn’t know what my folks did, or that you guys were threatened. I just thought you got tired of me like everyone else.”
“Bloody hell Sirius I looked for a way to get to you. I didn’t know where you were yet I couldn’t stop. Even when I gave up reaching out I never stopped searching.”
Sirius gave him a timid smile, turning soft when James gave one back, “M’sorry ‘bout what I said. When I’m mad I strike where it hurts.”
“S’not like I was exactly kind, Padfoot.”
Sirius gave a soft laugh, “Why are you in here anyway?”
“Showed up late to practice for a week, then missed a game. I just don't want to go to school for lacrosse or any sport, dad’s set on me to follow his footsteps, and grandad’s.”
“Your parents will accept that Prongs, they always will.”
“Sorry to interrupt this reunion, but that’s it. You were brutal to each other and now you're just fine?” Lily looked bewildered at them.
Snickering James said, “We’re brothers Evans, doesn’t matter how long we fight, or if we’re rude. We’re family. I lost more than a year, I’m not losing anymore.”
“Sorry for being a prick Evans.”
She looked surprised, “You know my name?”
“I know all your names. Lupin here spends most free time at the library with Meadows, McKinnon is usually with Vance, or flirting with an oblivious MacDonald. You spent most days with Alice and Frank.”
Everyone looked at him surprised, he merely shrugged at them.
“He’s not wrong about me.” Marlene looked at them, picking her nails. “Got in here for getting caught in a lie. Told them I was out on family emergency, caught drinking.”
“Got in a fight with Yaxley.” Three pairs of eyebrows rose in surprise, Remus gave them a small smirk.
“Skipped class to go out.”
“Threatened Regulus.”
For the first time since the five stepped into the library they saw they each had problems. Maybe not so bad, or similar, but they all struggled with something. James was worried about disappointing his parents, Sirius attempting to not turn out like his family, Remus leaving his home, Marlene and her inability to confront her problems, Lily being tired of just being a pawn.
“Pads how bad is it?”
“James…”
“Please. The offer made two years ago still stands, and you're 18 now legally you could leave no problem.”
Sirius was still on guard, but looked hopeful, “Yeah?”
“Room was never occupied by anyone else, mum and dad were waiting for you to come home.”
“You know… the night?”
“Yes”
“It’s that bad everyday.” James' face fell, turning pale, clearly remembering how Sirius tried to run, but ended up so beat up he should have been hospitalized.
“You’re not going back, ever.”
“I’ve missed you Jamie.”
“I missed you too.”
Marlene looked at them all, James and Sirius repairing themselves, as Remus and Lily looked at them fondly. Maybe just maybe, they could be something. “Since we’re sharing, I use drinking as an escape from my parents, all they do is fight, and refuse to divorce. My brother’s gone, and doesn’t stay in touch except with me. He tried to take me with him, but then they kicked him out, and I haven’t seen him since.”
Lily smiled at her, “I’m just a way for my parents to fight. They threaten divorce, only to use me to show the other how bad a parent they are.” All eyes turn to Remus, who huffs, yet his small smile gives him away.
“Mum died, dad blames me, car accident. He remarried and they’re both borderline abusive. Plan to leave soon as I'm 18.”
Lily sighs, “It’s 3:19, are any of you actually going to write the essay?”
Sirius threw her a wicked smirk, “Remus, think you could come up with something?”
Remus gave him a similar smirk, “I definitely can Sirius.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Remus was sitting at a table, writing, when James turned a chair around and sat in it facing him. “Remus.”
He set the pencil down, nodding, “James.”
“If you ask him out he won’t say no.” Remus tried to force down his blush, but judging from James' triumph look, he failed.
“Um- I don’t-err”
James cut off the blushing boy, “He fancies you. We may have stopped speaking for a while, but I know him. Ask him out he won’t say no, if anything you might just see who he really is when the facade drops. Go for it Remus, trust me it’s worth it if it means he’s in your life. Don’t lose something that has the potential to be extraordinary because you're afraid.”
Remus swallowed taking in James words, “I won’t hurt him. I know what trauma can do, and I don’t want to hurt him.”
“I know you won’t. I’ve seen the looks you give each other when you thought no one was looking, you care so much you won’t jeopardize that. Just don’t push him, because when he cares you become his priority, and I don’t wish for him to have his heart broken.” James stands, fixing the chair, heading back into the many shelves, “I believe in you Lupin! Don’t waste this!”
He knew he would. That once he finished writing, he would get up and find Sirius and just go from there. They both might be broken, yet they have the possibility to help rebuild thanks to love.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Just go to him Lily, he clearly likes you!”
“I don’t know Marls, how can you be so sure!”
“She’s right. He’s had that look once before, and now his eyes light up for you.” Sirius looks at Lily who seemed to be fixing her makeup with Marlene. “You know he won’t care how you look, that’s not why he fancies you.”
“It just, I always thought he was an arrogant jock, who was a pain in the arse, and I feel like I’ll screw up!”
Sirius snorted, “It’s James bloody Potter, his personality revolves around being nice, trust me you won’t mess up.”
Marlene looked at Sirius and smirked, “How about you, gonna talk to Remus?”
Sirius flushed slightly, “You going to tell MacDonald how you feel?” Marlene's smirk dropped, turning into a scowl, sticking her tongue out.
“Okay while you two work out your crushes, I’m going to find James”, Lily gave them one final smile, taking a breath, and heading through the shelves to find him.
Marlene was about to make a comment when she was interrupted.
“Sirius?” The man in question whips around to come face to face with Remus, who was sporting a kind smile, “Mind giving us a minute Marlene?”
“No problem Lupin”, with Remus back to her, she gestured to Sirius, who’s eyes widened.
Sirius moved to lean against the shelf, he was nervous, and by the growing smirk on Remus' face he picked on it. “So what’s up?”
Remus didn’t answer, simple moving closer until he was right in front of Sirius, arms bracketing the shorter man in. Sirius tilted his head up and gulped. The former leaned down, voice soft, “Can I kiss you?”
“Fucking yes.”
Remus moved one hand to Sirius neck pulling him close, kissing Sirius softly. The latter whimpered, not used to being kissed with such emotion. Sirius moved his hands to Remus' hips, pulling him flush against him. Using his height to his advantage, Remus moved his hands down to Sirius' thighs to pick him up. He moaned against Remus' mouth, who teasingly explored his mouth. When they managed to pull away foreheads together, faces flushed, Sirius spoke first, “Go out with me?”
Remus kissed his nose, “Yes.”
~~~~~~~~~~
3:58
James and Lily were sitting together holding hands, Lily wearing his letterman jacket, talking to Marlene about how she should ask out Mary. Remus and Sirius finally emerged from the back of the library, Remus wearing his leather jacket, Sirius with his denim jacket.
James wolf whistled, “Oi if you're done it’s time to go!”
Sirius bumped his shoulder, “Git. Finish the essay Lupin?”
Remus smiled, “Course Black.”
Hand in hand the two men walked about with their friends, wondering what it will be like on Monday. Would Sirius go and sit with Remus at the library, or maybe join Lily in watching James play a few lacrosse games. Or perhaps join Marlene in studying sessions after school.
The fresh air hit their face, Marlene the first to go, as she hopped in the car seat, face in a frown. When she looked back to the school she saw four waves, making her smile.
Lily’s father was up next, she gave James a hug, attaching one of her bracelets to his wrist, ignoring her fathers questionable looks.
Remus saw a car pull up, except it wasn’t his dad, but Dorcas Meadows. He grasped Sirius' face in his hands, kissing him roughly. As he pulled back he slipped a piece of paper in Sirius' pocket, “Call me aye?”
Dazed, Sirius blinks owlish, “Definitely.” Remus gave James a hug, waving the pair goodbye, as he joined Dorcas, filling her in on what the hell happened.
James' dad pulled up, eyes lighting up when he saw Sirius for the first time in over a year, “Sirius, are you coming home son?”
Sirius felt tears well up, choking out “If you’ll still have me.”
“We’ll always have you.”
James pushed Sirius into the back seat, as he and his dad began to chat about what Sirius would need. And for the first time in his life, Sirius felt hope and love.
~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Mr. Slughorn,
We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was that we did wrong, and what we did was wrong, but we think you’re crazy to make us write this essay telling you who we think we are.
What do you care about? You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions.
But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain…
An athlete...
And a basket case...
A princess...
And a criminal...
Does that answer your question?
Sincerely yours,
The Marauders