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As the Monokubz’ morning announcement played, Kokichi struggled to adjust to the bright fluorescent lighting and cramped space of his dorm room. Usually, it wouldn’t affect him much at all, but today he seemed to be particularly sensitive to it, taking a few minutes to blink and groan as he attempted to get up.
Once he was upright, he found himself unusually dizzy, struggling to even read the notes on his whiteboard. But sixteen faces stared back at him, all questions with no answers. He wanted to go, wanted, deep down inside himself, to go over and change some descriptions despite… not really knowing any new information.
His legs shifted, almost of their own accord, throwing themselves over the side of the bed and dangling for just a moment. Then, as if some unseen force had pushed him, he was up, face to face with a photo of the shy detective and a dry-erase marker in hand.
It wasn’t until he looked at his left hand - genuine, true fear taking over his features as he wrote prose after prose about his secret wantings and desires of Shuichi Saihara against his rational mind - that he knew something was terribly, terribly wrong.
He dropped the marker, letting it crash pathetically to the floor, and wobbled uncharacteristically in place as an overwhelming plethora of feelings consumed him. But, as his body seemed to dress itself all on its own, the most powerful one seemed to be affection. Affection for the outfit he was about to wear, affection for the breeze and beautiful sky outside, and affection for all fifteen people waiting for him in the dining room hall.
The real Kokichi, the one trapped behind this giddy smile, screamed mentally as he opened the doors to the kitchen, where an… interesting scene was unfolding before his very eyes.
Kirumi was gently patting the head of a crying Maki who kept blubbering, “I just love you all so much… and I want us to stay in here like this for a long, long time!” That strange pull that kept pestering him all morning began again as he took step after heavy step towards the crying babysitter. He could feel the words, ‘Are you always this pretty when you cry?’ want to expel from his throat, so he bit on his scarf and muffled into it involuntarily, successfully managing to not catch anyone’s attention.
When he finally forced himself to look away, lest he say something he’d regret, he was met with Shuichi standing over him curiously, “Kokichi? Why are you… eating that?”
One of his eyebrows were raised, and his thumb rested on his chin, but all Kokichi could do was look into his dazzling, golden eyes. Before he could even process it, before he had a chance to stop this from happening, his hand reached up and pulled the checkered cloth out so he could say, “I didn’t know the most attractive man I’d ever met would be gracing with his presence today~.”
Freezing, not even taking a breath after the words were out, he felt like he was going to be sick. How could he just… say that!? Why had he been able to stop his earlier detestable compliments to Maki - but every inch of his body openly and willingly spewed this nonsense about Shuichi!?
In his distress, he missed the detective’s incredibly pink face as he blubbered a few times, but finally pieced himself together and said, “T-That’s… not funny! We’re trying to find out what’s wrong. S-Stop messing around.” Which… broke the poor leader’s heart, making him even more frustrated that it was getting to him in the first place.
“How could anything be wrong when you’re standing right here next to me?” Kokichi cooed before thinking, ‘Everything is wrong!’
Shuichi sputtered, the pink of his face turning a little red, “Look... Maki and Angie have been acting strange all morning. We’re investigating to see if anyone else is too. So, don’t… uh…” It took him a few seconds to think of something as Kokichi looked at him with a hungry smirk, sending a noticeable shiver up his spine that the menace couldn’t help but watch, “Uh… just… stay out of trouble.” Finishing unconfidently he started to turn away, then looked over his shoulder one last time to mumble, “Please.” Before walking off to join Kirumi.
Desperately trying to get that smirk to leave his own damn face, Kokichi watched him walk away - only to feel unrivaled anger when Maki started openly confessing her love for Shuichi and how smart, helpful and kind he was to her and everyone else.
Maybe he was being too obvious, because right after that Miu came up to him and said, “Hey, if you’re gonna start up the killing game don’t make it so fuckin’ obvious who you’re gonna kill, Dumbass!” Oh god. He thought, twisting his entire body to now face her, Please don’t compliment her, please don’t compli-
“Heeey~ It’s the genius from planet Venus! How is my fave gal?” His body chirped happily, making the inventor squeak.
All too soon she’d recovered, mostly. She was still holding her hair between her hands, but she looked more irritated than embarrassed, “Shut your yap! I am a genius! And if anyone here is from Venus it’s definitely me! So take it back!” Kokichi simply looked at her, awestruck at how someone so smart could be one of the most incredulous people he’d ever met. Did that count as mental flirting? Eh, I’ll blame it on these weird impulses anyway.
He took a deep breath and decided information was more important than dignity, “Hmm, Miu, surely someone as breathtaking as you could tell me what’s going on with Angie, riiight~?” A concealed sigh released through his nose. Ok, ok, he was getting better at handling this. That compliment really did sound backhanded, but he had said it with such passion and intensity that she definitely could’ve taken it as the truth.
Instead of anything usual though, she simply stared at him… with the same look Shuichi usually gave him when he gave a half-truth. Her eyes were deducing, looking right through him, and in his weakened state, he knew he let some fear slip through. But, she didn’t push it, just slowly pointed over to where Angie was sitting in a corner with a goofy look, “Go find out yourself. And… if this is your way of picking on me… get better material.” Huffing, she quickly strutted past him, making her way over to Kaede and Rantaro who were discussing the morning’s events intently.
Ignoring the pain that pulsed through his heart at her words, he turned to quietly shuffle unnoticed towards the artist who was being watched over by an observing Korekiyo and a confused Gonta. Usually, Kokichi would make a quip, coming over to make his presence known, but now, his lips were shut tight. He gripped his sleeves tightly, his shoulders nearly exposed under his scarf from how much he was pulling on them.
Despite it all, Gonta still turned to him and said with a big, loveable smile, “Good morning, Kokichi! Angie acting… weird…! Kokichi is leader of ten thousand, right? He must have lots of experience with sick underlings!” His voice was excited, like the smaller man was the answer to their problems.
It just made Kokichi feel worse.
Luckily for him, he never had to respond; this would be the only time he was ever grateful for Monokuma to show up. The bear made his entrance right as the kitchen door closed, revealing a sleepy Himiko who’d been the last to show up.
“Finally! All you brats are here!” That nasally voice rang out, “Good morning, class! Are you all ready for today’s lesson?”
‘Lessons’ were ‘the Headmaster’s’ kind way of saying motive. Throughout the game things had gotten more and more… interesting. Ever since Rantaro had walked into the library that fateful night and saw Kaede’s trap - keeping the killing game from starting - Monokuma had changed everything up. With ten minutes of the countdown left, everyone crowded in the library, and then, as the timer hit zero, party cannons went off alongside a banner that unravled saying ‘GOTCHA!’
Now… they were on some… dating show? Honestly, Kokichi had tuned out everything once that happened, completely emotionally numb in the moment. How had they tricked him so thoroughly? It still haunted him, and he knew he wasn’t the only one that still didn’t trust anyone completely.
Still, the dating game wasn’t really going well either. Leading all back to these lessons that kept trying to pair students up together unsuccessfully. So that’s all this was, huh? Something that made him... What? More susceptible to complimenting people? He had to laugh, but chose not to out of concern that someone would make him talk afterwards.
The Monokubz lined up next to their father, suddenly pulling out a chart containing many different scientific descriptions of something, to which everyone gave them a bored stare. Eventually Monokuma cleared his throat and said, “Today we’re learning all about the Despair Disease!” More silence. “I know you’re dying of curiosity. But, really, all our viewers already know the drill sooooo~” He twirled once before Monotaro mumbled a ‘H-Hey that wasn’t in the script!? I think?’ that went completely ignored.
“I unleashed a toxin that affects random people. Their personalities changed to something different than what they normally are. In short, they’ve become vulnerable - and BAM! Romance will ensue!” He then pointed a paw right at Maki, who was curled up, terrified, behind Kaito and Kirumi. “Little Miss Child Caregiver has the Emotional Strain! All of her feelings are emphasized ten fold! Will she finally confess now that she no longer has that hard exterior!?”
He then walked through the crowd to the blank-stared island-dweller, “God-worshiping Angie no longer listens to his voice first. Instead, she cares about what everyone else has to say, perhaps a bit too much! The Dependable Strain makes it so your words mean more to her than they ever did! A confession would surely get through to her in this state!”
Finally, he skipped right up to Kokichi’s feet. The leader’s breath hitched and a small, hidden bead of sweat fell down his face. His heart started beating incredibly fast - an anxiety he’d never quite felt before coursing through him. Is this why he’d been acting strange? “And, Kokichi… doesn’t have anything! Upuhuhuhu! He’s always been like this! But, wow! You sure got a couple of them, huh? Good performance, kiddo!” What!? No! The leader wanted to buckle, wanted to collapse to the ground pathetically. He already felt so gross and different. But… people thinking that he was just messing with them was normal. He could get used to this. He could still get them all out of this prison. He could... be forced via this disease to look right at Shuichi from across the room, meeting that investigative gaze once again as every blood cell in his lithe body screamed Save Me!
Making his way back to the front of the room, Monokuma said, “The cure is confessing to the diseased. So get to the romancin’! Good luuuuuuck~,” before vanishing - his kids following close behind, very confused looks on their animatronic faces.
This started a long conversation on who would take care of the two women, but all Kokichi heard was static. The word ‘confessing’ nearly broke him. Any thoughts of being able to deal with this shattered completely. No one would ever fall in love with him. So he was going to be this… mushy and affectionate and unable to control himself for the rest of his life!?
If he was in his right mind, he would’ve run, so fast and far until nobody could ever find him again. Instead, in a strained, throaty voice he chirped, “So which lucky bachelor wants to take care of me~?” Thank goodness he was at least allowed to say ‘bachelor.’ Despite the softness in volume, everyone heard him, and gave him their attention.
Some people rolled their eyes, others scoffed, but two specific, inquisitive stares pierced his soul. Panicking under the intensity, he deflected, “Nishishi~ Juuust kidding!” Voice cracking, “I simply wanted all your eyes to be on me!” A lie, courtesy of his sickness.
Yet, that side of him still craved affection desperately. It seemed to be the only thing that flowed in his noticeably quiet brain. So, he dared not move nor flee. Not until the poison spewing from his lips found a permanent target.
It wasn’t until Ryoma voiced a deep, “Just in case… I do think someone should watch him. If he’s already this deadset on causing problems, I don’t want him meddling with sick people’s emotions. No offense, kid.”
Kokichi’s tongue felt like lead, “Oh none taken! I love that caution about you, makes ya the real dependable type! But who’s gonna watch little ol-”
“I’ll do it.” Shuichi interrupted, determination radiating about him, “You’ve been… more persistent than usual this morning. I'm curious if you're up to something.” The leader opened and closed his clammy hands so many times as the taller man made his way over to loom above him once again, “We’ll play some games alone in the AV room to keep you entertained. How does that sound?”
Feeling revolting sugar about to spew forth, Kokichi merely closed his eyes and lamented, letting his shoulders droop. He didn’t even try to mask how genuine his words were this time as he retorted, “... Any time with you is… never boring.” Then turned to head out the door, putting all his focus into not falling over.
Despite it all, when he looked back to make sure Shuichi was following, the detective had a big, anxious grin on his face. Stunned, Kokichi stopped in his tracks and muttered, “You’re really stunning when you smile, Shumai.” Then kept walking, speeding down the hallway as his thoughts screamed, ‘Shumai’!? What the HELL was THAT!?
When he got to the door to the game room, he slammed it open violently, letting out some pent up aggression, and was momentarily stunned in the confusion that his body let him do that. This gave Shuichi time to catch up with him, who didn’t say anything, just walked around him and held open the next door with a much more genuine smile this time. Red flags popping up everywhere, Kokichi took cautious step after cautious step, eyes never leaving the detective’s for a second even with the playful sneer that bestowed his own exterior, until he was past the frame. He then sprinted for the couch, collapsing on it dramatically.
There was some room next to his head where the blue-haired man came and sat, twiddling his thumbs and talking without making any words. Eventually, a gulp sounded, and Shuichi managed to say, “C-Can I… touch your forehead?”
The color drained from the smaller boy’s face. N-No…, “Of course~ You can touch me anywhere.” Noticing the words didn’t match the rest of him, the detective hovered, contemplating.
“I… just want to see if Monokuma was lying. You haven’t been yourself today and it was weird of him to point you out specifically so I…” The entire time Shuchi mumbled, Kokichi had been working his way towards his hand, thumbing it gently once he picked it up with both of his own. His heart was beating so fast he thought that it might escape his chest, and felt the pulse he was holding do the same. Even if his body was moving on it’s own, hearing it made his own beat calm down slightly, just enough to give him a little serenity as he took that warm, nimble hand and pushed the back of it up to his forehead.
They stayed like that for just a moment, and Kokichi whimpered, knowing he was going to talk more, “There’s… a better way to check my temperature, y’know?” The words were like honey, trapping Shuichi in a fate he never asked for, detestable.
Slowly, timidly, the detective shifted his hand around, and massaged it through Kokichi’s hair, testing the waters before looking downcast and saying, “It’s incredibly warm. You… have the Flirtatious Strain, don’t you?”
Violet eyes shot up, twinkling in the fluorescent lighting above them, relief, nervousness, terror radiating off the small man - but it all evaporated when Shuichi chuckled sadly.
He removed his hand, making sure to pet the other's head softly as he did, “I figured. It seems like you can’t control it, huh? I’m sorry… um…” Another pause. Another gulp. Overwhelming silence surrounding them, “H-Hey can I be… selfish? Just for a little bit?”
“You can be as selfish as you want around me, Beloved.” Kokichi tutted. Huh? That one seemed to be the truth… interesting.
Seeming to understand, Shuichi just nodded and rubbed his increasingly sweaty hands on his pants, looking anywhere but the small leader, “C-Can you keep… complimenting me? It… um… it felt really nice.” Right as the words were out of his mouth, he brought both knees up to the couch and buried his face into them, wrapping his arms around them protectively. “I don’t mind if it’s a lie…,” followed it, muffled behind his uniform.
Kokichi felt like any breath he could’ve possibly had was taken out of him. In all the time they had spent together, had Shuichi ever asked anything of him other than his time? He gave gifts, went along with crazy escapades, even bandaged his finger…
It was embarrassing. It was humiliating and vulnerable and too honest. But he still looked up to him, at the detective that messed with his whole world, and whispered, “I could compliment you for years and I would still never run out of things to say.” Relishing in the whine that spurred from the hidden man.
When nothing else was said, Kokichi began, letting his disease take the reins, fueling the words with every thought he had in the last few months.
“Your eyes remind me of the sunset. Full of so many colors, all of which are beautiful.”
“Every time you laugh I lose my breath. And find it again in your smile. If your eyes are the sunset, then your smile is the sunshine.”
“I will never, ever get bored of you. To me, you are the most endlessly fascinating, most wonderfully addicting person I’ve ever met. You take over all my thoughts. And I can’t help but want to be around you all the time…”
And yet you will think this is all a lie.
He heard soft sniffles beside him, and turned to face a crying Shuichi, whose head was now resting on top of his knees looking in his direction. His tears were sliding off his face and onto his pants and his hands were pale, gripping the fabric so hard that it wouldn't be surprising if there were holes in it now.
But, as much as Kokichi wanted to stop, wanted to let the other man have a moment to recover, he had relinquished too much control. His body ached as it fought with itself until he admitted, “I am hopelessly in love with Shuichi Saihara.” In his sickness, in his deliriousness, a few tears of his own slipped out, and the floodgates opened further, “I’ve even considered telling the truth sometimes if it would make him love me too.”
Without warning, one of those tense hands reached over to his own and held it tightly, interlacing their fingers with purpose, “If he… if he did love you, or at least thinks he does, a-and this disease goes away when he confesses… would you take it all back?” He tightened his grip as red, puffy eyes searched the leader’s body for any tells of his true self.
“Maybe he should find out~?” Is what followed, but the absolute affection behind previously fearful eyes gave Shuichi the confidence to take a deep breath.
He switched to being on his knees, now holding both of Kokichi’s hands in his own tenderly, “Ok… Ok… e-even if it’s not real, if you don’t feel the same you can make fun of me since I made you say all of that. But - thank you for your kind words. I really needed to hear them. A-And… I… I really like you, Kokichi. I might even love you. Ah, this is, um, really hard for me… but there! I said it!” He squeezed tightly, making sure to keep eye contact despite physically shaking.
Suddenly, it felt like Kokichi could breathe again. Not that he couldn’t physically before, but his body felt light, like his tongue could say whatever he wanted, like his hands would move if he asked them to, like he was connected and whole.
The adrenaline coursing through his veins overtook him as he dived into Shuichi’s arms, hiding his face in the crook of his shoulder as he said, “It was totally a lie. A dumb, painful lie. I would never fall for the super sweet, talented, lovable Shuichi.” Sounding just like himself again.
Shuichi immediately wrapped one arm around him and ran his other hand through the bouncy purple locks, humming in overwhelmed contentment at the true confession, “I would never fall for the playful, intelligent, lovable Kokichi, either.” To which they both started chuckling to themselves.
As the laughter faded, all Kokichi heard was the beating of Shuichi’s heart alongside both their rhythmic breathing; an attempt to calm themselves down. All of the sounds were addicting, and with the emotional wear he had felt all day, he was super close to falling asleep right there in his arms.
“You can sleep in my lap if you want since we’re… y’know…” The detective trailed off, his face adorned with a tomato-red blush.
Giggling, relishing every moment, Kokichi just said, “Mmm, we can’t be boyfriends until you seal it with a kiss~!” Deflecting, again. But that didn’t stop his own face from flushing as the taller man shifted, lifting up the other’s chin to tenderly and passionately kiss him with everything he had.
And, oh, it was the most magical feeling in the world. All his worries vanished immediately as he tasted the lips of Shuichi Saihara. Truly, he could absolutely get used to doing this every day. However…
Both men completely jumped as the AV door slammed open, and a proud Miu stood there holding a little vial, “Girl Genius here with your Anti-Flirtatious Serum and-” She froze, eyes opening wide, looking at the two that had clearly been in the middle of kissing, “Holy… Holy shit… Heh, guess you don’t need this anymore.” She tucked the object into her breast, making sure not to miss a single detail as she furiously scoured the room with her eyes, “But… seriously, that dumb fucking bear is a worse liar than Suckichi over there. You never call me ‘Miu’.” Her signature cackle rang out, until two pairs of angry eyes looked back at her and she whimpered, “I-I was just trying to help!!”
Which prompted Kokichi to get up, twirl her around, shove her back out the door, whisper ‘thank you’ under his breath, and slam it behind her.
All so that he could sit back down on the couch, raise an eyebrow and go, “Sooo, boyfriend, how’s about a kiss for every compliment I give ya?” Playfully getting closer to the man he adored.
While he waited for a response, he snuck into Shuichi’s arms, cuddling happily into his chest as he curled up in his lap. His insecurities could be put on the backburner to be dealt with another day.
For now, he could handle being adored, heard and believed.