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The world is cold and dark. Naib is standing in the middle of an empty field, accompanied only by the short blades of grass around his feet. Everything is quiet, and there is not even the tiniest breeze of wind blowing. It is a heavy silence however, the kind of silence that makes you glance around like a nervous cat, ready for anything that might try to ambush you. Naib’s eyes shift from left to right, but up until now, there is absolutely nothing he can see.
“The silence before the storm”, is what they call the cause of this anxious feeling, he knows, and it is such a familiar moment that Naib should be used to it by now, shouldn’t be so distracted by the blood pumping restlessly through his veins, should be able to predict every single thing that could possibly happen, shouldn’t be let astray by the chaos of thoughts circling through his mind. But the truth is – he is paralyzed. He doesn’t know whether his legs are truly stuck due to circumstances beyond his control, or if his head is simply messing with him. The only thing he does know is that he cannot move, no matter how hard he tries.
Beneath his motionless feet, a puddle of vibrant red liquid slowly forms on the dark ground and it burns – it burns brightly in his eyes and he pulls harshly at his feet because he has to move-
He isn’t sure if he is hurting, isn’t sure if this red substance is what he thinks it is, isn’t sure if his feet are wounded, or if they have perhaps even been cut off, which would be the reason why he can no longer move them-
BANG.
Naib’s heart freezes. There is ice everywhere – it forms from his toes to his legs, to his stomach and his arms, all the way to his chest. And it is cold, it is so damn cold. But he cannot shiver. He cannot even blink.
The loud sound travels from far in the distance through the entire field, breaking the heavy silence. Shadows start dancing violently at the horizon, carrying familiar large objects in their arms creating blinding light in the darkness. Dozens of voices yell, hundreds of feet thud, and the objects go BANG- BANG- BANG-
His heart rams against his chest like THUMP-THUMP-THUMP, his brain wants to force his limbs to move move move he has to hide the shadows are still far away but they are getting closer they are gonna get him he’s going to fall and fall and die and-
He tries. He tries so hard.
But his legs are so damn heavy and the ice doesn’t fade and it hurts.
‘Naib! Please! Help me!’
A single voice as clear as day in this ocean of noise.
He knows this voice.
He looks, he searches, he lets his gaze travel towards the horizon, narrowing his eyes to try to recognize the shadows in the distance.
For it is all he can do in this state.
But he can’t see anything-
There is an endless emptiness between him and the shadows, between him and the voice.
But he has to get to him-
He pulls at his legs, pulls and pulls until he think his ankles might tear and leave his feet behind in this goddamn field.
He has to find him has to help him has to-
BANG.
BANG.
BANG.
A scream.
Not just any scream.
It is a scream that echoes through his bones, quavers through his veins, sends electric shocks through his entire body-
Because he has heard this exact same scream before-
Within a storm of clashing shadows and a pool of blood and an ocean of misery-
The scream stops.
Everything goes quiet, and Naib is still frozen.
But then, finally-
He blinks.
One of the shadows walks closer, leaving red footprints in the empty field.
Naib wants to run.
He doesn’t know if he wants to run away from or towards the shadow.
But it doesn’t matter.
For he cannot run.
Closer and closer, the figure walks, until it is only a stone’s throw away, and Naib recognizes the face.
Recognizes the face despite the smudges of ashes and dirt and blood covering his cheeks-
Recognizes the face despite the cloth hanging around his body, once a uniform, now reduced to nothing but a rag-
Recognizes the face despite the seeping open wounds painted on his limbs and stomach and chest-
Recognizes the face despite the absence of light in his hollow eyes-
He walks, and walks, and Naib wants to yell at him to stop-
For it is pointless to continue walking when one’s soul has already left the Earth-
He wants to curse at him for never leaving him alone-
He wants to curse at himself for failing to protect what matters-
He wants to curse at whatever god or demon is out there for taking his friend instead of him-
It should’ve been him.
It should’ve been him damnit!
But there’s nothing he can do.
Nothing he can say.
For he is frozen. Forever.
He can only watch as his lost friend passes him by without even giving him a glance.
And only then, like a cruel twist of fate laughing in his face, his body finally obeys him and the ice breaks.
When he turns around and looks back, the shadow is staring at him.
But its face has changed.
It is no longer the friend he lost a long time ago.
It is now the face of a young man with a gentle smile and a blindfold covering his eyes.
Naib blinks and the blindfold is gone.
The young man’s face is beaten and bruised-
His robes are torn and faded-
His body is dotted with holes-
His pale blue eyes stare right through him, into nothing at all-
Naib starts running to him, but the distance between them only grows.
Naib reaches out, but it is too late, for the young man turns to dust and disappears.
Naib sinks to his knees and screams into the dark until the remaining shadows take him.
***
He wakes to a gentle touch on his shoulder and a familiar voice calling his name, ‘Naib.’
When Naib opens his eyes, his heart beating violently against his chest, the aftermath of adrenaline boiling in his veins, he first sees the painfully familiar walls of his room inside the prison-like manor. Grey and white grains flicker in the air due to Naib’s limited vision in the dusk. Then, he finds Eli – the Seer is sitting on the side of his bed, the corners of his lips pulled down in worry.
He blinks for a moment and when his eyes close, he sees shadows at the horizon, hears gunshots in the dark- He quickly opens them again, pressing the images all the way to the back of his head. He knows it was just a dream, knows his mind is just fucked up and likes to plague him whenever the freaking sun sets, but still-
He still can’t stop himself from pushing his body up to his knees, just to get a closer look at the young man next to him. He can’t stop himself from reaching out to take Eli’s face in his hands, to confirm that he’s real, to feel his soft, warm skin underneath the palms of his shivering hands, to convince himself that he is very much alive – or whatever state they are in inside of this cursed manor.
‘Naib,’ Eli speaks again, his voice muffled in the quiet night. Lights and shadows dance on his face, fuelled by candlelight coming from Naib’s nightstand. These shadows are gentle, nothing like the demons in his dreams. These are shadows Naib doesn’t want to run from. These are shadows he wants to catch and hold close to his heart.
Eli wouldn’t need the candle to manoeuvre himself around in the darkness, Naib realizes – the owl has night vision after all, and she sits near, never too far away from her owner and friend. Therefore the Seer most likely brought it with him to help Naib see once he’d wake up, to bring him a comforting light would he feel lost and scared without it – Eli is always prepared, always thoughtful.
For a moment, they simply sit there, as Naib holds Eli’s face in his hands, staring at him. They’re under a spell that has frozen the moment and Naib doesn’t want it to end. Doesn’t want to face the risks of Eli going anywhere out of his reach. Doesn’t want to see him broken and hurt and-
Blink. He is running, but he is not moving, and the shadows are getting closer and they will be taking him, they will be taking away his light-
‘I’m here,’ Eli says, snapping Naib out of it. His lips are curled into a soft smile. Something is however tugging at the corners, as they twitch ever so slightly; Naib knows that the other man is struggling to smile, that his worry hasn’t faded.
But Eli is indeed there. He is not an illusion, nor a memory plaguing his mind – he is there, very real and right in front of him. And Naib would trade all of his sanity, live through all of his sleepless nights to make sure that it will stay that way forever.
He leans closer, because he doesn’t want to let go of his warmth now, needs to surround himself with it, needs to burn away the ice from his nightmare that he can still feel lingering on his limbs. So he wraps his arms around the Seer and pulls him close, holding him tightly as he rests his chin on his shoulder and tries to close his eyes.
Shadows dance in an empty field. They are joined by a bulb of brightness and as it touches them, it taints them with light, until slowly, one by one, they fade and disappear. And Naib doesn’t see anything anymore, and his mind is quiet.
Eli doesn’t speak, he simply returns the embrace. Naib feels the younger man’s fingers brushing through his hair, and his touch is so gentle, as if Naib – who killed dozens, who’s survived the battlefield many more times than he can count, who is perhaps more like a monster than a man at this point, who doesn’t fucking deserve a caress so soft because he left his comrade to die – as if he is made of glass.
Naib rests his head against Eli’s shoulder, tries to muffle the sound of a sob before it leaves his throat, but he is quite sure that the Seer notices either way. But Eli doesn’t comment on it, not even when Naib’s body starts shivering in his embrace, not even when warm tears start wetting the thin fabric of his shirt, not even when Naib’s arms tighten closer around him – because that is how he is. He would never tease a person in pain, be it physical or emotional, would never mock an emotion as big as this, would never call tears a sign of weakness no matter how much Naib believes they are.
Eli simply holds him, keeps caressing his hair without a word. Naib thinks that maybe, possibly, quite likely, if Eli wouldn’t have been there to hold him together, he would’ve fallen apart to a million pieces already a long time ago.
When he runs out of tears, and his breathing stabilizes, he speaks. But his voice is quiet and fragile, and he almost doesn’t recognize it as his own. ‘I saw you in my dream,’ he whispers.
He tries to pull away to look at him, but Eli still holds him in place. It is not that the Seer is strong, certainly not strong enough to overpower Naib, but he lets him. Because even better than himself, Eli knows it is easier for Naib to speak from his heart when he doesn’t have to look at him directly.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Eli asks softly.
‘I couldn’t save you,’ Naib breathes. The images of the dream almost return again. Almost. But he takes a deep breath and the lump in his throat is gone, as well as the visions.
He never spoke of his dreams, not until Eli started appearing after awaking from his nightmares. The Seer seems to know exactly when Naib is being plagued by them, and has always been there for him ever since that first night he showed up in his room. Back then, Naib tried kicking him out, but the younger man can be surprisingly persistent when it comes to these things, so he’d given up eventually. Naib didn’t speak that night, he didn’t cry. They’d simply sat side by side until he’d calmed down. Then Eli had smiled at him, and left his room. The next few times were the same. Until finally, Naib decided to talk. And it had felt like lifting a whole damn building from his shoulders. Eli simply listened, and lightly touched his shoulder when he was done. How the feeling of such a simple gesture can mean the world, Naib still can’t fully understand. A few times later, the hugs started. Now, Naib can’t imagine waking from his nightmares anymore without Eli there to hold him.
This is the first time however, that the Seer appeared in the nightmare. And it terrifies him.
‘What happened?’ Eli asks, his voice close to his ear.
‘I-’ The words get stuck in his throat.
Blink. He sees an empty look in pale blue eyes, a body dotted by holes leaking with red-
No. Naib opens his eyes, and pushes himself out of Eli’s embrace to look at him, to take his face in his hands once again. Brooke lands on her owner’s shoulder and Naib absently thinks that he must look so shaken, must look like such a lunatic and he wishes he wasn’t this goddamn broken-
Eli reaches for the back of his head, and his blindfold falls in between them on the bedsheets. Naib holds his breath, sees hollow eyes staring right through him in his mind, but he doesn’t really, thank God he doesn’t really-
Naib knows Eli is blind, knows he shares Brooke’s sight in order to be able to see, knows that’s why the two of them are rarely apart, but his luminous blue eyes are anything but empty. They’re full of care and love – they hold thousands of stars and the pale moon itself, capturing all the light in the dark night sky-
‘I am alright, Naib,’ Eli says, smiling softly, and the remaining ice in Naib’s heart melts, because his smile is so genuine, so warm, so beautiful-
‘You were dying,’ he says, moving his thumbs lightly over the marks underneath his eyes that took his sight – it is punishment, Eli once told him, for breaking the promise of never telling the future, a trade, for saving the life of the one he loved. Eli says they’re a reminder, marking him as a liar and a cheat. Naib doesn’t care. Naib thinks they’re beautiful.
‘I won’t,’ Eli answers. ‘I’ll always be here, by your side.’
‘Why,’ he manages, his hands falling aimlessly on his knees. ‘I don’t deserve-’
‘Hush,’ the Seer says, moving his fingers to cover his mouth, the gesture not directly stopping him from speaking, but through the softness of the touch, through the feeling of Eli’s smooth skin on his rough lips – Naib fails to remember what he was trying to say.
‘That is not up to you to decide,’ Eli says, sliding his hand from his lips towards his cheek, cupping Naib’s face. ‘I am not going to die, Naib. Being close to you will never hurt me. I promise.’
‘You better keep that goddamn promise,’ Naib blurts out.
‘Of course I will.’
His smile is so bright it illuminates his eyes in this endlessly dark night – Naib thinks Eli is like moonlight, his moonlight, and he never wants to let go of him, no matter if he deserves him or not.
‘I love you,’ he breathes, and he does, damn he does, so, so painfully much. The words have left the untouched forbidden territory of his mind before he can stop them – they hang in the air between them, freed into the night and ready for Eli to catch. For a moment, Naib is scared, because the silence feels heavy, and he wishes he’d been strong enough to hold this confession inside, locked far away from the other man to find, but it’s already too late, and luckily, Eli hasn’t let go of him. In fact, his caresses seem to be even softer now, and Naib realizes – too late for him to react – that the Seer’s face is suddenly very close to his.
Eli smiles and says, ‘I know.’
Then the remaining distance between the two of them is closed, as their lips find each other. Naib isn’t sure who moved first, but they share the kisses equally – Eli’s are fluttering and soft like butterflies dancing in the summer sky, Naib’s are firmer, harder, yet still careful, like candlelight flickering in a dark room, reluctant to burn brighter.
Breathless, they pull away, and Naib thinks that right there, in that moment, the sight of Eli in front of him, cheeks flustered and eyes dazed, is the most beautiful thing in the world. He is even more blinding than the dazzling full moon in a clear, windless night sky. He cannot tear his gaze away, nor does he want to.
‘I love you too, Naib,’ Eli then says, his voice soft like silk, words soothing like honey.
Something flutters in Naib’s chest, and some of the shadows holding his heart captive fade. He thinks that maybe, just maybe, he can one day be strong enough to battle his fears if this man stays by his side. For now, he will simply holds his moonlight within his heart, and never let go.