Chapter Text
The drive home was eerily quiet. A tense aura filled the vehicle, which heavily contrasted the lively home Elsa was used to returning to. It was a bit ironic, actually. Though her sister often teased her for being so antisocial, Elsa preferred to think of herself as introverted.
The compromise she agreed to with her wife was people-averse.
Still, it was a surprise how Elsa could so easily adapt to and thrive in such a bustling environment. Even if, the majority of the time, it was only a house of three. But when family game night rolled around all cards were off the table. Elsa supposed she could thank her sister for starting that tradition in the first place, though she much preferred her family’s video games to Anna’s charades. That being said, a few rounds of Pictionary once in a while wouldn’t hurt, either. Elsa may have been terrible at acting, especially in front of an audience, but she was nearly unmatched once a pencil was placed in her hand. Whether she would tell any of that to Anna’s face was still up for debate. Her sister needn’t have her ego inflated. That, and Elsa could only hear the I told you so’s so many times before her head might explode.
As much as Anna certainly played her part in helping Elsa break out of her shell, it was also Elsa’s work during her twenties that contributed to her growth. Retail was certainly far from perfect and it was nothing she would have ever imagined doing. But at the time, money was money and she was willing to do whatever it was she needed to for her and Anna’s sakes.
Fine, primarily Anna’s.
An introverted, self-deprecating, self-critical, guarded young woman thrust into the most sociable and possibly toxic environment possible? It was not a compatible match, to say the least. But Elsa made it work. She followed the mantra of ‘conceal, don’t feel’ as if it were the air she breathed and, before she knew it, she not only had a near perfect grasp on the registers and self scans in the store but was also well-versed in the in’s and out’s of nearly everything to the point that the owner promoted her. Though her official title had been a CSDH, she had also been regarded as a manager for years, only a select few holding more power than her. That life was fortunately behind her, for the most part. Elsa was more than happy to rarely need to return to such a profession. But the more she looked back on that time in her life, the more grateful she felt. Not just for her growth as a person; for learning to better trust herself and those around her, for developing a slightly thicker skin; for helping to show her what was most important in life, to name a few. In some aspects, it did better prepare her for life ahead in ways her parents could have never. And, most importantly, it gave her some of the most important people in her life.
It gave her Maren.
And with Maren came not only an acceptance Elsa wouldn’t have dared to imagine, but a future with a family Elsa never once believed could be possible. Now she was living it in what she could only have described as an unmatched bliss.
Well, for the most part, anyway.
It had certainly been a challenge. Elsa and Maren knew that looking into fostering – and eventually adoption – would be no easy road. Although it had always been Maren’s plan specifically, Elsa didn’t have to think twice before diving into the unknown territory. After spending so much time doubting herself, listening to the voices of the past, listening to the voices in her own head, and pushing herself deeper and deeper into the closet, she was ready to live her life. She was ready to do what she wanted; live as the person she was meant to be, and spend it with the person she wanted to. No, not just the person she wanted to. The person who equally, if not more so, wanted their life to forever be intertwined with Elsa’s.
And to think it had all been thanks to the damn virus that was Covid-19. It thrust Maren into Elsa’s life unexpectedly all because the woman needed to find work during the pandemic to survive. Maren never had to work at Oaken’s; it just so happened to be the first store that offered her a position. But she didn’t just accept the job. She accepted everything that came with it. She accepted the retail horror stories. She accepted the torture and the abuse. She accepted the unpredictable schedules. She accepted people at their worst as well as their best. She accepted her coworkers not just as her coworkers but also her friends, her family. And she accepted Elsa. And to think all it took was roughly two months of bonding and, eventually, the confession of a single dream. The only dream that Maren actually had. The one thing she knew she wanted out of life more than anything.
This was their reality.
No, this was Elsa’s reality.
A world filled with light and love.
Again, for the most part.
It was a bit difficult to believe courtesy of the teenager sitting in the passenger’s seat.
Caissie leaned back, legs folded into her chest over the seat belt and arms crossed over her knees. Her thick, wavy dirty blonde locks were covered by a denim beanie which contrasted her facial features – which were nowhere near as light in comparison to Elsa’s which made her feel almost ghostly at times. At least Caissie had actual color in her complexion. She stared ahead blankly with a gaze that nearly rivaled the one that had earned Elsa the nickname Snow Queen. It was almost spooky how people always seemed to point out the similarities between Elsa and Caissie’s eyes. If it wasn’t the color, it was the stare. And the look in Caissie’s was far more icy than the elder’s had ever been.
The cold never bothered Elsa anyway, but the physical cold and the cold exuding from her daughter were worlds apart.
Or...foster daughter, she supposed.
Was there really that much of a difference?
No, there wasn’t.
There were many qualities of herself Elsa hoped she would never see in any of her kids, no matter how long they’d be with her and Maren for. Ice was one of those characteristics. It was one thing when Nani referred to her as Snow Queen. As annoying as it had been in the beginning, Elsa had grown accustomed to it. And, knowing her former coworker, it was nothing more than a nickname to tease her with. No one else referred to Elsa in such a manner. But she still earned that nickname for a reason. She had been guarded. She could seem cold. And, when Elsa became pissed, she could very well shoot icicles from her body if she so desired. Or perhaps if she were in a cartoon. But for anyone else to be looked at that way…. Elsa may have been the Snow Queen, but she certainly never wanted anyone to inherit that title from her.
And yes, that included anything remotely similar.
Dammit, Nani, for coming up with Ice Princess in the first place.
Elsa tapped her fingers against the steering wheel, doing everything in her power to keep her focus on the road ahead. Her eyes may have been on the street, but her mind was far from. She felt the cars in the adjacent lanes pass by all too slowly; but the reality was likely that Elsa was traveling well below the speed limit. She barely needed to hit the brakes as she approached the upcoming red light, practically gliding to a stop. She took in a slow breath. It was too damn quiet.
Taking a chance she peered out of the corner of her driving glasses, curious if there had been any changes in Caissie. Yet somehow the teen appeared nothing more than a statue. Elsa bit her tongue, calculating her next move while she had an opportunity.
She could play the role of the strict parent; question what the hell happened or what Caissie had even been thinking. But such a tactic worked so much better with Maren. It was never a good cop/bad cop routine between them. Instead they played off of each other and, where one fumbled, the other covered. It was a team effort. Neither of them ever wanted to come across as authoritative on their own unless it was absolutely dire. Such a tone and forcefulness was something they agreed on to avoid at all costs.
She could approach this delicately; Maren always said that one of Elsa’s strongest – and most attractive – qualities was her compassion. It was a powerful trait in both Elsa and Anna and one that they hoped would find a way to pass down to their respective children regardless of biology. Despite the fact that it had yet to affect Caissie, perhaps this could be an instance where that would change. Surely it would only be a matter of time; who was to say that time wasn’t now? That today wouldn’t be the day when something finally clicked?
Or she could keep her damn mouth shut and wait until they were home so she and Maren could handle it together. That would be it – no overthinking or worrying at the exact moment. It would be a matter to discuss with Maren and then they would speak to Caissie calmly together. They were a united front after all; surely that had to have had the most merit out of any of the previous options. Unfortunately, it would not solve the current tension still lingering in the car.
Shit why did being a parent have to be so damn hard?
Elsa lightly pressed on the gas, easing past the now green light. “Do you want to talk about it at all?” She kept her voice soft and calm, opting for the delicate approach.
“No,” she responded shortly.
Caissie’s voice was light, a careful yet almost strategic balance between low- and high-pitched. It must have been the ice in her tone that was attributed to the former; a cold, jagged wall intricately carved to protect the precious cargo behind it. At least, that was how Elsa interpreted it. She knew that accepting an older child meant putting in a shitload of work to build trust and break down walls. It was never the child that was naturally cold; it was a mere result of her upbringing. Or perhaps rather a lack of. And understandably so.
But still…. Ouch.
Elsa shook her head. It’s ok, she thought, she’s a teenager. This is perfectly normal.
“We probably should.”
There was no judgment or authority in Elsa’s tone. It was nothing more than a simple suggestion.
“No.”
So this was what it felt like to consistently get such a cold response. It stung more than Elsa expected. Though whether that was because she wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of it or because of family – regardless of what that meant specifically – was up for debate.
“You’ve been getting detention quite a bit.”
“And?” she replied as-a-matter-of-factly.
She enjoyed making this difficult, didn’t she?
“And maybe you’d like to not be in detention as much?”
Elsa regretted those words as soon as they left her lips. So much for not sounding downgrading.
“I’m sorry. That was wrong.”
“No shit.”
Elsa pulled in her lips, fighting the urge to comment on Caissie’s language. But, once again, she had to remind herself that it was a fair retort. Poor choice of words? Yes. Invalid response? Far from.
“What I mean is, is there anything we can do? Changes, improvements, suggestions….”
Caissie mumbled what sounded like an I-don’t-know sound. Which most likely meant she didn’t care.
What a spectacular fail.
“Ok…. Is there any way we can try to talk? About anything?”
“Why should I?”
Note to self, Elsa thought, always wait for Maren.
Elsa handled countless frustrating entitled, impatient, and high and mighty customers for years at Oaken’s. She was able to stand her ground when they fought her word over the cashier’s, which nine times out of ten had said exactly what Elsa would. She had put customers in their place when they were displeased with her ruling as the manager, even when they demanded to speak to someone with more power than her. She dealt with arguments over the most trivial possible things. Yet somehow, she was reduced to nothing with a teenager. Clearly she did not assess the situation as well as she thought. Going solo had not been the best option.
“Because I care. And Maren cares.”
No response.
Caissie’s silence spoke volumes.
Elsa bit her tongue. Conceal it; don’t feel it; don’t let it show, she reminded herself. It was the mantra she lived by for so many years, the one she struggled to unlearn. At times, it still seemed to reemerge whether she liked it or not. This was one of the rare exceptions when she had to remind herself about it. Where it was perhaps better to conceal. Caissie’s feelings took priority. There was only so much that Elsa or Maren could have done in the amount of time that Caissie had spent with them. There was enough trust to know that she would be fed well and on time, that she would have a roof over her head and a bed to sleep in. Caissie trusted them enough for the bare minimum. But when it came to everything else? There was a hell of a lot more work to do than simply show up. They couldn’t just have the offer on the table to talk. Giving Caissie her privacy as a sign of trust – privacy was a right, not a privilege, after all, because who the hell should threaten to take privacy away from anyone – but that didn’t mean it was mutual. Elsa and Maren could say how much they cared all they wanted. They could show up as much as they wanted. They could do anything and everything they possibly could. But in the end, it would only take more time. Caissie was allowed to have her guard up; and she should feel comfortable enough to defend herself for as long as she needed to.
Unfortunately, it didn’t change the helplessness that Elsa felt. It was such a delicate line that they walked. What more could they say or do to make Caissie want to open up on any level? To believe them? To believe something?
Was this how everyone else felt when Elsa shut herself out, she wondered?
She didn’t quite remember it being so difficult with Lena. But then again, they were younger. And every child’s experience in the system was different. Perhaps it was mere luck. Though, that felt wrong. Maren and Elsa got damn lucky with Lena. It sounded cliché to say, but they chose each other. They felt like pieces of the same puzzle. They clicked; it was that simple. But with Caissie…. It wasn’t that they came from different puzzles. It was more like they were all trying to figure out how they fit into each other’s worlds. Where they specifically connected. That is...if they fit into each other’s worlds.
Elsa flipped her signal on, easing into the lane to turn onto the side street.
“I know it’s difficult to talk. To want to talk. It takes time. But that’s ok. We can wait. But...for what it’s worth...concealing doesn’t always work. No matter how much we wish it did.”
She sighed. It wasn’t very helpful nor was it what Caissie likely wanted to hear. If anyone knew anything about concealing and shutting people out, it was Elsa. But whatever advice she may have had currently, it was doubtful Caissie wanted to hear it. Or that she wanted anything to do with it. It didn’t matter what Elsa had to say. It didn’t matter how many times they went through this. They just...had to keep going. All they had to do was prove to Caissie they were willing to do that. To go the distance. For her.
“I wouldn’t have come if I didn’t care. Maren or I will always come. It doesn’t matter what’s going on. One or both of us will show up. And as long as you’re with us, that’s how it’s going to be. Whatever happens, you are worth it.”
There was a pause.
Slowing down for a stop sign, she dared to take another peek at the teen. Caissie’s brows furrowed, lowering so they were no longer covered by the edge of her hat. Her position didn’t alter; she was still very much protecting herself. But something about her look softened, if only fleetingly. Was it starting to sink in at all? That perhaps no matter what she did, how much trouble she got into, whatever the circumstance, or how many times she got caught that Elsa or Maren would go to her? That maybe, just maybe, if they came enough and showed her enough compassion and support, that she could ease out of this habit?
It felt like the silence lasted an hour when the reality was; it couldn’t have been longer than a minute.
Caissie clicked her tongue and kept her eyes off of Elsa. Then she shook her head. “Whatever.”
It was a half-assed response. More than anything, it felt like a brush-off. Like it was just a way to drop the topic and move on. But there was something else about it. It wasn’t as...icy as her previous comments. That was something.
Elsa held in a sigh of relief. It was a small victory, but one that she would gladly take.
She continued down the side street, making another turn as she mentally counted the minutes until they’d finally arrive home. Silence consumed the car once more.
Call from Honey.
Caissie scoffed at the automated voice. Elsa opted not to respond, though she mentally scolded herself for keeping Maren’s name as such in her phone. Yes, it was a sappy name. Yes, it was predictable. And yes, countless partners referred to each other as honey. But this was different. Honey was Maren’s name. Or, at least it was a part of her name. Elsa could hardly recall a time anymore where she didn’t see Maren as Honey. But explaining that to anyone? She’d never hear the end of it regardless.
Not to mention there were a select few people who knew her full name was Honeymaren.
God, if Caissie ever found that out, any potential respect or authority she might eventually give to them might as well fly out the window, grabbed by a bird, chocked up by the bird, and dumped to the bottom of the ocean. Or maybe buried under thousands of feet of snow on the tallest mountain in Norway.
Sighing, Elsa slid her thumb over to the proper button on the wheel, accepting the call.
“Hey. We’re on our way. We should be home in less than ten minutes. We ran a little late.”
Why else would Maren have called anyway, aside from wondering what was taking them so long?
However Maren’s response was less than expected. Her warm voice flowed out of the speakers, effortlessly lighting the atmosphere. So many times Elsa thought everything about Maren was warm from the tone in her voice to the look in her eyes to the delicate way she hugged Elsa, even after being granted permission. This time there was hesitancy in her response, as if she, too, were treading too cautiously.
“We just got in now, too.”
Elsa blinked. So they were running late, too? She knew Lena stayed after school...but should they have been back at this hour? So close to dinner? Unless something else came up. “Is everything alright?”
“Yeah…. Yeah, everything’s fine.”
Why did she not completely believe her?
“Did something happen with Lena?”
“What? No! Of course not!”
Why was that not helping?
“What is it then?”
Silence.
Yeah, definitely not helping.
“Maren….”
Pause.
She could practically picture the woman’s reaction. Elsa would be staring at her wife, arms folded and eyebrow raised. Maybe she’d tap her fingers against her arm or cock her head; but she’d look at her just knowing something was going on. That Maren wasn’t telling her something. Maren wouldn’t go so far as to actually fidget; that was Elsa’s habit. But she’d definitely be doing her part to avoid eye contact. She’d probably pull in her lips and stiffen her stance…. Oh god, Maren would have the most thoughtful look on her face like she was trying desperately not to piss Elsa off.
As if that could even be fully possible.
“Just…. Don’t get mad…?”
A general statement spoken as a question.
That couldn’t have been good.
Although Caissie’s smirk helped not at all.
Could she at least try to make it less obvious that she was enjoying this?
Elsa removed a hand to raise a finger at her, as if to say “you’re not off the hook yet”. She waited another moment, foot hovering over the brake pedal. Her eyes briefly grazed Caissie’s direction before landing back on the road ahead. Seriously, could she wipe that smirk off her face? Although, admittedly, it was better than the cold shoulder and dark tone; at least she was showing something, letting the faintest hint of something….
No.
Focus, Elsa, focus.
“Why would I get mad…?” Elsa inquired carefully.
Another pause; longer this time.
Should she have been this nervous?
“I did try to call you…” Maren prefaced.
Still not helping.
How the hell should Elsa even respond to that?
‘Nope, sorry, didn’t even notice, I was a little occupied?’
‘I was in the principal’s office with Caissie?’
‘It was my turn to deal with your daughter?’
Or...foster daughter….
She’d probably have to verbally correct herself as well if she had said that.
Not that it would take away from the initial teasing of the hypothetical statement.
After all, what parent didn’t play the “your kid” card when they got into trouble?
But there was no response Elsa could have given that wouldn’t put Caissie down somehow. Or put her on the backburner like she was some second thought or nuisance. Those couldn’t have been further from the truth. By the same token, Elsa still needed to talk to Maren about her. They had to discuss this face to face. Elsa would be in their driveway within minutes; surely the conversation could wait until then, especially with Maren seeming to be a bit on edge herself.
“Maren, what’s going on?”
Pause.
They were getting longer.
Maren was stalling.
Elsa tapped her fingers on the steering wheel.
“Maren….”
She dragged out her wife’s name, struggling not to drop the full name.
Though, if she kept this up, Maren was going to get far more than that.
She thought she heard some sort of hum through the speakers.
“We…. May have an unexpected guest for dinner tonight.”
One final pause.
There was more.
Don’t make me play the name card, Elsa thought, not right now.
No matter how tempting it was.
Or how, at any other time, Elsa likely wouldn’t hesitate on it.
For fuck’s sake Maren, just spit it out already!
A final breath came before the final blow.
“...And for until further notice.”