Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first time Usopp saw Luffy after two long years, saw the enormous scar on his chest, the reality of the situation hit him. Hard. He had been separated, with no contact, from all his friends and his Captain for far too long. From the moment he learned what had happened to Ace, and had learned Luffy had been there, had held Ace in his arms as he died, he knew things would be permanently different. Seeing Luffy in the flesh now, finally, after all this time, solidified what had, until then, been an ethereal vibration in Usopp’s soul. He desperately needed to see his Captain. To feel his physical form. To make sure he was alright. There was an electric air around Luffy. A disquieting uneasiness. Something unspoken but vital to be heard.

Once the whole crew had made it safely to the Sunny, Usopp took the opportunity to seize his Captain before the action inevitably picked up. There was conflict on Sabaody, certainly made worse by the presence of the ever-troublesome Strawhats, and Usopp didn’t know when there would be a truly quiet moment. This brief reprieve on the Sunny, when everyone was joking and catching up, might be his only chance for a long time. As casually as he could manage, Usopp pulled up behind Luffy who was sitting cross-legged on the deck, fawning starry-eyed over Franky’s new robo-accessories. It took all of Usopp’s willpower not to join in. Franky was very, very cool. Instead, he took a deep breath and leaned down, whispering in Luffy’s ear.

“Captain,”

Luffy immediately perked to attention, undoubtedly remembering Usopp only called him Captain when he wasn’t playing around.

“Can we talk? In the aquarium?” Usopp had peeked into the room earlier and found it empty. He wanted a private spot to avoid prying eyes. He had a feeling he’d be getting emotional.

“...Sure.” Luffy responded, curious.

Luffy walked casually to the aquarium, as one would expect given it was his ship. Usopp was… admittedly less casual about it, hugging walls and eyeballing the positions of his crewmates, making certain he wasn’t followed. When he finally ducked into the aquarium, silently shutting the door behind him and locking it, he found Luffy standing smack in the middle, head cocked to the side.

“Is everything okay, Usopp? You’re acting strange.” His hands were on his hips, the ruffles of his sleeves falling off his elbows like curtains. The change in his usual wardrobe wasn’t drastic, but Usopp did think the added fanciness moved Luffy a notch or two closer to Captain than cabin boy.

Usopp closed the space between them enough to tentatively, gently, place his hands on Luffy’s shoulders. The contact, the firm curve of Luffy’s shoulders under his palms, instantly calmed an anxiety that Usopp hadn’t realized he’d lost control of. Luffy was there. He was home on the Sunny. His Captain was home.

Immediately, his throat was tight, tears creeping up and blurring his vision.

“C-Captain…” was all Usopp could manage. He wasn’t sure what else he wanted to say. Everything, really. And also nothing. But also something very specific he couldn’t find the words for.

Luffy’s arms dropped and he huffed a sigh that sounded almost wistful, “Ahh… yeah.” He grinned wide, seeming to understand what Usopp was feeling, a blessing Usopp was eternally grateful for. His hands were shaking hard against Luffy’s shoulders. He wanted to move, but also didn’t want to break the spell of knowing for certain his best friend, his Captain, was with him. 

Luckily, Luffy made the call for him. He reached up and pulled Usopp into a tight hug, one arm around his back and the other around his head, fingers tangled in Usopp’s unruly hair. He held Usopp so tightly, squeezing out all the space between them, that Usopp was genuinely struggling to breathe. He couldn’t possibly care less. He mimicked Luffy’s hold on him, burying his face into Luffy’s shoulder and not even trying to keep from crying freely. After a moment, he could tell by the rise and fall of Luffy’s back that he was crying too. It only made Usopp pull him closer, tighter, trying desperately to press all of his emotions into his friend, to tell him. Without really meaning to, he let his thoughts spill freely from his lips into the curve of Luffy’s neck. 

“I’ve missed you. I’m sorry about Ace. I’m sorry about everything . I’m stronger for you, now. I’ll be better, more useful-”

Luffy pulls back suddenly, hands on either side of Usopp’s face. The movement is so unexpected, it stuns him to silence. With tear-reddened eyes, Luffy stares steely and deadly seriously into Usopp’s whole being. “Usopp, you have always been useful. You are my sniper. Mine.”

The conviction in Luffy’s voice brought fresh tears to Usopp’s eyes.

“I know you’re stronger now,” Luffy continues, “and I’m glad for that. I hope it means you can trust yourself the way I trust you.”

Usopp nods weakly, his Captain’s palms warm on his face, “Y-Yeah…”

“I’m glad you brought me in here, I had something I wanted to say, too.” He grinned again and gently pressed their foreheads together, their noses touching. “Thank you for coming back.”

Usopp froze. He was a coward, he knew that. He was a coward and a quitter and a liar. But in all his time with Luffy, with the exception of the Merry incident, never once had he considered leaving his Captain and crewmates. And in the two years on Boin Archipelago, the idea that he wouldn’t return to Luffy never once crossed his mind. 

He pulled back, now taking his turn to look Luffy in the eyes, “Luffy, did- did you really think I wouldn’t come back? Did you think I was that much of a coward?” To think Luffy could consider Usopp wouldn’t come back hurt in an indescribable way.

Luffy smiled and shook his head. “No, I knew you’d come back. But you had the choice not to. Everyone did. So it means a lot to me that you’re all here.”

“You… knew?” In reality, to an outsider, the notion that Usopp might cut and run if given the chance wasn’t an unfair character assumption. But Luffy never lied, and no matter how unfailingly candid he was about his feelings, it was never any less impactful when he laid bare how fully he trusted his crew.

Luffy’s grin widened as he hissed a laugh through his teeth, “Yeah! Usopp is the future Pirate King's number one sniper! He’d never leave!”

“Yeah.” Usopp grinned in return, never in his life happier to have the trust of another person; Trust placed not in a lie, trick, or facade of Usopp’s making, but in Usopp himself. The unwavering trust of his Captain, no less; A man Usopp fully believed was the most powerful human being on the planet. The expectation he felt he should live up to loomed above him, a towering spire of the man Usopp needed to be for his Captain. He was proud and terrified-

Luffy pulled him into another firm hug, this time keeping one hand on Usopp’s face and reaching up slightly to press a kiss to his temple. “I’ll never let the crew get separated like that again. You’ll never be without your Nakama, Usopp. And you’ll never be without me. Never.”

-and just like that, the spire of expectation was gone and Usopp felt like a child coming home after a terrible day.

Luffy left the aquarium and the moment the door shut behind him, Usopp dropped to his knees and sobbed, relief pouring from his soul. His Captain was home. But true to form, Luffy said what Usopp really needed to hear: Usopp was here. Usopp was back on the Sunny with his Nakama. Usopp was home.

Chapter Text

“Oh, Nami! I found you!”

Nami looked up from her work to see Luffy poking his head into the library from the ladder. She was a little miffed to be interrupted but was never too upset to see her Captain, no matter how busy she was.

“Hi Luffy. What’s up?”

Luffy vaulted himself through the hatch and landed in the library, light and easy. He grinned, hands in his pockets, “I haven’t seen you all day!”

It was a true statement. Somehow, Nami had largely, though inadvertently, sidestepped her Captain the entire day. The sun was setting and this was the first she’d seen him. The unspoken statement, Nami understood, was that Luffy needed to check on every member of his crew every day. One on one. If he didn’t see you during the natural course of things, he would come to find you. She’d known this about him very early on, almost as soon as she joined the crew. He would sit with Zoro while he trained, chat with Usopp while he fished, and lately he’d been joining Robin while she tended her little garden. Every day he’d spend a few minutes alone with each of the crew members, giving them his undivided attention. He never outright said that’s what he was doing, but he never tried to hide it either. Not that he could. His love, concern, and interest in his Nakama was a thick, tangible air that hung over the ship, the same way the scent of Sanji’s cooking or lull of Brook’s music would linger languidly on the deck and weave through the sails.

“I’ve been updating some maps,” Nami offered with a smile as an explanation, “I didn’t have full details on Fishman Island until recently.”

“Mm!” Luffy nodded and crossed the room to peek over her shoulder at her work. He was uncharacteristically calm. Typically, Nami had to fight to keep his greasy fingers off her maps. He was always trying to touch them or hold them up to the light, careless of whatever sauce, dirt, or bodily fluid was on his hands. But this time, though he was close enough to Nami’s seat that she could feel him breathing behind her, he kept his hands in his pockets and scanned the map she’d been working on from a safe, almost respectable distance. Something was up.

Nami eyed him suspiciously, but kept her tone light and unaccusatory, “Everything okay?”

“Mm,” he repeated, still scanning the map intently, almost as if trying to memorize it, “I just like looking at your maps. They’re really good.” A simple statement. It wasn’t that Nami didn’t appreciate her Captain’s words, he was just so unnaturally calm about saying it.

They sat in silence for a moment, Luffy looking at the map, Nami looking at Luffy.

"Oi, Nami,” Luffy said finally, still lingering on the map for a moment before meeting her eyes, “have I told you about the island I trained on with Reyleigh? Rusukaina?”

Nami was taken aback, confused. “Yeah, you talk about it all the time.”

“Sure, about the monsters and the training and stuff. But I haven’t told you where it is or what it looks like, have I? For you to add to your maps?” He grinned and sat on the floor by the desk.

“N-no, you haven’t.” She was a little confounded by the whole situation. Why would she have asked? It’s not like she expected him to remember enough about it for her to start building a map from. She just assumed she’d get the chance to see it for herself eventually.

“I wanna tell you!” Luffy said, head tilted and face happy as the day is long.

“Okay, sure,” Nami leaned back in her seat and turned more to face him. “How much do you remember?”

Luffy puffed his chest out, proud. “A lot! Almost everything! I memorized it for you!” 

Nami couldn’t help but laugh, “You what? Memorized it?”

“Yeah!” Luffy pulled his hat from around his neck, stretched his arm up, and dropped it on Nami’s head. “Every day I made sure to memorize something new about it. I wanted to be able to tell you all about it when I saw you again.” His arm snapped back in place and he leaned back on his hands. “I have two whole years of stuff saved up to tell you.”

“Every… you did that every day? For me?” Luffy thought to learn something for her every day for two years, just so she could make a map of a place she’s never been? She reached up and thumbed at the brim of the straw hat, remembering all too well the day he first placed it upon her head, claiming her as a member of his crew.

“Yeah! I can start by telling you where it is.” He scrunched up his nose, and looked off to the side, working to recall this knowledge that Nami couldn’t possibly imagine would be accurate. “It only took about eight hours to get to Rusukaina from Amazon Lily on Hancock’s ship, and we were sailing at about 5 knots, so…” Luffy held up his fingers and did some counting, "Rusukaina is about 45 nautical miles northwest of Amazon Lily.” He smiled up at Nami proudly.

“What?!” Nami was awestruck, “You remember that?”

Luffy seemed confused and cocked his head to the side, “Yeah, I told you, I memorized something new every day so you can make a map.”

Fair enough, he did say that. And Luffy is always true to his word. “Alright,” Nami smiled and pulled out a fresh sheet of parchment, the guidelines preemptively made, and penciled in the top corner, ‘Rusukaina.’ “Tell me all about it.”

For the next couple of hours, Luffy produced a seemingly endless string of facts, measures of distance, descriptions of landmarks, even a complete list of all 48 seasons and what they were like. Nami listened intently, taking notes on a scrap sheet of paper and then implementing them as she lightly sketched out a loose map of the island. Occasionally Luffy would peek over and comment on it or offer a correction, and the whole time would pepper in brief tales of monsters he’d slain or befriended. He even offered his own names for landmarks he’d made note of, most of which were far sillier than anyone would ever actually name a geological feature. Nami wrote them into the map anyway. After a while, the two had produced a strikingly solid first draft of a map of Rusukaina. Only a few spots were left blank due to Luffy’s memory being foggy or him having not spent much time in the area. When they were both satisfied, and Luffy’s stomach began growling, Nami stood, stretched, and plopped the straw hat back onto Luffy’s head.

“Let’s go get Sanji to make us a late-night snack, hm?” She grinned at him and offered a hand to help him to his feet.

“Yeah!” Luffy nodded, took the offered hand, and pulled himself up, but didn’t let go. Instead, he took her other hand in his as well. She looked down at them, struck by the intimacy of the action.

“Nami,” he said quietly, “thanks for making the map. It’s nice to see the island again.” He grinned at her and gave her hands a light squeeze.

“Sure… no problem.” This entire evening had been bewildering. It was rare, but not unheard of to have these calmer moments with the future King of Pirates. They typically happen just infrequently enough that they always come as a surprise, at least for Nami.

“We’ll go together someday so we can finish it, okay?”

“Yeah,” She smiled, “Can’t wait!”

Luffy huffed a laugh and pulled her into a tight hug, lingering quite a bit longer than she was used to from him. He frequently offered hugs to the more jovial boys of the group, but far less often to her and Robin. She wasn’t terribly used to physical affection from Luffy. Attention and praise, certainly. Concern and care, always. But this was a very infrequent occurrence. She hugged him tightly, resting her chin on his shoulder. 

After another moment, he pulled away, “Now let’s go find Sanji!” And just like that, he bounded away, down the hatch and off to plunder the ship of its cook for his own personal gain.

Nami chuckled and followed after him.

“You got it, Captain.”

Chapter Text

It was only by chance Robin happened to see Luffy leaning on the railing outside the library.

She was finishing an evening bath and happened to glance out the window to see, a little ways below, the top of the straw hat. It was strange for him to be alone at the back of the ship. Typically, if Luffy wanted alone time, it was atop the figurehead. At first, she thought perhaps he was fishing, but he didn’t have a pole. Then Sanji came into view from around the library walkway. He was carrying a small fold-out table and a bottle. Not one to be above a little eavesdropping, she sat on the edge of the draining tub and formed a duplicate ear on the wall outside, just above the natural eye-line of the chef and their Captain.

“Oi, Luffy, it took a while but I found it. Might’ve been easier if you’d asked earlier in the day. Most of the shops are closed now.” Sanji sounded annoyed, but then suddenly seemed to soften as he neared the Captain, “Everything okay? I’ve never known you to drink sake often.” He propped up the little table at Luffy’s right side and gently set the bottle down.

Luffy didn’t immediately respond, his gaze fixed on the sea.

Sanji didn’t pry but also didn’t move to leave.

Eventually, Luffy turned and smiled at him, “Thanks, Sanji! Sorry to ask you for a favor like this so late at night. I just saw it in town earlier and thought it looked really good. Thanks for bringing it all the way up here.” He was clearly trying to be light and upbeat, but there was an unmistakable sadness in his tone.

“Better here than the figurehead.” More than one expensive bottle of alcohol had been lost overboard the Sunny’s mane. Sanji lit a fresh cigarette and took a drag. “Want some company, Captain? Or would you rather be alone?”

After a moment of thought, Luffy replied, “I’m good on my own for now. But let’s drink together later!” He smiled again, the sadness still present.

“Aye, Captain.” Sanji smiled in return, soft and understanding. He seemed to sense the sadness as well. Sanji always was more perceptive than the crew believed. Robin was the only one he was never able to fool, though she was happy to let Sanji believe he had a perfect record. “Let me pour for you though. Tradition and all that.” He procured a small blue cup from an inner jacket pocket.

“Sure.” Luffy turned back to face the sea.

Sanji carefully opened the sake bottle and filled the little cup. He left the bottle open on the table. “If you need anything, you know where to find me.” He reached out to place his hand on Luffy’s shoulder but froze a few inches away. Luffy didn’t seem to notice, staring at the deepening horizon as if waiting for it to speak.

“Mm,” was all the Captain offered.

Sanji abandoned his attempt at physical affection and instead quietly made his way back to the kitchen. Robin lingered a moment longer, but when it was clear there wasn’t going to be anything else to hear, she released her duplicate ear and got dressed. Luffy had said he was fine alone, and if he asked her to leave, she certainly would, but Robin was deeply curious to see what was eating the young man. He was clearly feeling off, and Robin prided herself on being the member of the crew that invaded sadness-prompted alone time. Purely for the purposes of cheering up her crewmates, of course.

After a few minutes, she was peeking around the curve of the library wall to see if Luffy was still at the railing. He was exactly as Sanji left him, sake cup untouched. His gaze was no longer fixed forward, however. Instead, his head was ducked low. His body language seemed deeply tired.

Robin rounded the curve of the walkway and stepped up to Luffy’s left, leaning forward on the railing. When he didn’t react, she edged her arm just close enough to brush his. “Captain?”

Luffy’s head popped up, almost like he’d been asleep. “Oh, Robin! Sorry…uhh...” He seemed to be fumbling for an excuse as to why he hadn’t noticed her but came up empty.

She opted to ease the burden of explanation, offering a smile, “Enjoying the evening stars?”

“Ah-... yeah. I guess so.” Luffy looked back out at the dark sea and the clear sky of milky starlight cascading down to meet it. “It is nice out tonight.”

“Mmm.” Robin hummed softly.

They stood together in comfortable silence for a long moment.

Eventually, Luffy slowly picked up the cup of sake but didn’t move to drink it. Instead, he held the little cup between his fingers and stared down into the sake, expressionless.

“Is it any good?” Robin prompted, knowing well he hadn’t taken even a sip.

“Mm.” He offered quietly, “It’s the same brand as what Sabo, Ace, and I drank when we became brothers.” His voice was slightly hoarse. “Ace stole it for us.”

Now Luffy’s request of Sanji made perfect sense.

It had been just over two years since Ace’s death. Barely any time at all when it came to grief and loss on the scale Luffy was experiencing. It had been twenty-two years since Ohara and she still had nights like this.

“We had it out of bowls, though. Not cups.” He continued, though he didn’t seem to be going any particular direction with his words. “They were red.”

He kept looking into the sake cup, clearly remembering something precious and sad. Robin wondered how often she did similar things: lingering on a word in a book for far too long, clinging to small details unimportant to everyone else except her. Did the feelings hit Luffy without warning the same way as her? When he disappeared from the sight of the crew, how often was it to find a moment alone because the weight of absence suddenly became stifling? Some nights, she couldn’t keep from permitting a few silent tears as she laid awake in bed. She wondered if he did the same.

After a long moment, Luffy tossed back the sake, swallowing it in one gulp, and held the cup so tightly in his hand Robin thought it might shatter. She wondered how long it had been since he’d had that type of sake- If this was the first time since his brothers were alive. For a few seconds, Luffy’s expression was unreadable. But it quickly became clear he was holding back tears.

“R-Robin, will it ever hurt less?” He choked around the words.

“No.” She said softly, unwilling to lie to her Captain, “But it will eventually hurt differently. ” She moved closer to him and hooked her arm around his, slipping her hand into his. “Every day, when you open your eyes, his loss will be the first thing you think of. It will be that way for a long, long time.” Luffy was still trying to hold back, but Robin could tell he was breaking. She squeezed his hand. “But one day, eventually, you’ll open your eyes and it’ll be the second thing you think of, instead. And you will be okay.”

Luffy sniffed, leaned his head into Robin’s shoulder, and coughed out a sob. “It’s so heavy. ” He whispered hoarsely into her shoulder.

“Yes, it is,” She squeezed his hand again and leaned her head onto his, “and it will never get lighter. But you will get stronger, and we will help you carry it.”

Chapter Text

The party had finally died down and Zoro found a quiet spot on a balcony high above the banquet hall to savor the calm and finish his beer. The evening air on Zou was cool and crisp, sea salt on the gentle breeze wisping through the treetops. He took a deep breath and sighed. He was tired, but he made a point of always being the last one asleep after a party. Luffy’s guard was always lowered at parties, so Zoro stayed alert. He’d enjoy himself, certainly. He’d drink and eat and laugh, but he would always keep close watch of the room. Back to the wall. All exits in view. Notice who’s present and who isn’t. Only once everyone was passed out, the world around them silent, would Zoro find a comfy spot to rest properly- Still close enough to the group to spring to action if needed, of course.

Everything was quiet and calm. He leaned his head back against the doorframe. Just a light sleep…

He’d almost nodded off, beer in hand, when he felt a familiar presence. He didn’t bother opening his eye. “Captain.”

Luffy sat next to him and crossed his legs, close enough that their thighs brushed together. “Why’s Zoro up here?”

“Resting.”

“Rest with us down in the banquet hall.”

“The air is nice up here.”

“Mm.” Luffy leaned back against the wall, arms behind his head, rather than returning to the hall.

They sat quietly for a long moment. They often sat together like this, comfortable, relishing in the easy presence of each other.

Eventually, Luffy broke the silence, voice low, “Zoro, I’ve been wondering something for a long time. But I haven’t asked ‘cause I was hoping you’d tell me on your own.”

At that, Zoro opened his eye, confused. What would he have not told Luffy? “Huh?”

Luffy’s gaze was fixed somewhere in the middle distance of the treetops, expression neutral- perhaps slightly determined. “I heard a rumor when I got back to Sabaody. I heard it again on Fishman Island. So I asked Robin, ‘cause she’s the smartest, and she told me it was up to you to tell me on your own. When you were ready.”

Zoro was well and truly lost. What was Luffy talking about? He genuinely couldn’t think of a single thing he hadn’t told his captain. Certainly not anything that Robin would know about but not Luffy.

“But it seems like you aren’t gonna tell me on your own, so I have to ask.” Luffy turned and looked at him directly, eyes dark and piercing.

“Tell you what, Luffy? What are you talking about?”

“What happened on Thriller Bark?”

Oh. That.

All the air left Zoro’s lungs. It had been so long since Thriller Bark, he’d nearly forgotten Luffy didn’t know everything that happened there. When he didn’t have a response, frozen in place, Luffy spoke again.

“I heard a rumor on Sabaody that Roronoa Zoro survived a direct attack from Tyrant Kuma on Thriller Bark.” Luffy was pinning Zoro in place with his gaze. He felt like a bug on display. “And on Fishman Island, I heard someone say ‘there’s Pirate Hunter Zoro, he stood up to Tyrant Kuma alone and survived.’”

Zoro wondered if he could play it off. “Well, yeah. We all survived Kuma on Thriller Bark.”

“Zoro…” Luffy’s voice was gravel. “I was passed out. I never knew Kuma was on Thriller Bark. But everyone says Zoro stood up to him alone there. What happened, Zoro?”

He steeled his resolve. The last thing he wanted was for Luffy to know what he’d done. It was a matter of pride and honor. “Nothing happened, Luffy.”

He was suddenly struck by the memory of saying the same thing to Sanji over two years ago when their chef had asked. And understanding Zoro’s desire to keep the whole incident a secret, Sanji had kept quiet. He’d always appreciated that, though he’d never say it to his face. Now Sanji was missing- off to Whole Cake Island for a wedding he didn’t consent to. The irony would’ve made Zoro laugh if he didn’t feel so uneasy, stomach quirked with worry the way it always was when the whole crew wasn’t together.

He was brought back to attention by Luffy’s order, “Don’t lie to me, Zoro.”

“I’m n-” Zoro started a reply, but stopped. He was trying to lie. It never worked on Luffy. He wasn’t sure why anyone ever tried anymore. He swallowed and tried again, “I can’t tell you. Point of pride.”

Luffy frowned, clearly unappeased. “Zoro. Tell me what happened. Captain’s order.”

Fuck. Zoro hated when Luffy invoked his status like this. He was loyal and obedient and under nearly all circumstances, this served him well. Luffy was his Captain and he would follow his orders without fail because he knew Luffy was the greatest man alive. But sometimes, when Luffy really wanted something, he was also the greatest pain in the ass.

Zoro scrubbed his hand over his face and finished off the lukewarm remnants of his beer, setting the glass aside. He sighed, mentally preparing for a serious scolding at best and getting the absolute shit beaten out of him at worst. He’s going to be furious with me.

“Kuma showed up as soon as you passed out. He was ordered to kill everyone on the island. But instead, he offered to let everyone go free in exchange for your head. Obviously, none of us were going to let that happen.” He explained plainly.

“So you fought him?”

“Not exactly. We tried. He was too strong and we were too tired. There was no way we could beat him. You saw how he beat all of us at Sabaody two years ago, and this was even before that. We didn’t stand a chance. So I made him a deal.”

Luffy perked at this, interested but clearly concerned. “What deal?”

“I offered him my life in your place.”

Luffy froze, fists clenched in his lap. “What?”

“Relax, I’m here, aren’t I?”

“So he didn’t take the deal?”

“No, he did. His Devil Fruit power is strange. He removed all of the pain and fatigue from you, from your body, and made it physical. Like, a big bubble. He said if I wanted to take your place, I had to take on everything you’d been through in your fight with Moria. So I took it. Kuma was certain it would kill me.”

“And you knew that going into it?”

“Of course.”

Luffy reached out and gripped Zoro’s arm hard enough to bruise. “If you knew you would die, why did you do it?”

Zoro didn’t try to pull his arm away. If Luffy wanted to punish him, break his arm for going behind his back, that was his right as Captain. He wouldn’t complain, and he couldn’t say he didn’t deserve it. “Because you’re my Captain. How can I call myself the best swordsman if I can’t protect you?”

Luffy brought his other hand up to grip Zoro’s other arm. He squeezed them hard. “How can you be the best swordsman if you’re dead?”  

“I’m not dead.”

Luffy’s grip was like hot iron on his skin. “But you could’ve died! What would I have done once I woke up and you were dead?”

Zoro rolled his eye, an excuse to look away without letting it be too obvious that it was simply too hard to look directly at Luffy. “You would’ve found a better swordsman.”

“There is no one better-”

“There’s plenty of better people to choose from, Luffy.” Zoro snapped. He knew Luffy’s comment was coming before he’d said it. “Better swordsmen, people more deserving of my position.” Zoro had worked hard to resolve his sense of self worth over the last two years, so the self-depreciative words felt bitter on his tongue. An old habit back to haunt him.

Luffy’s grip on his arms loosened just a bit. “Your position?”

“Yeah,” Zoro still refused to make eye contact. “As your swordsman. And as your first mate.” The position had never been made explicit, but it was understood by everyone that Zoro was second in command. But Zoro knew this was purely due to the fact that he was the first to join Luffy’s crew. Anyone could’ve taken the spot. He was just lucky. It had nothing to do with his skill or value.

“Zo...”

The nickname surprised Zoro enough to make proper eye contact with his Captain.

Luffy looked genuinely hurt, brows knit together, lips quirked into a sad frown, “You still think you’re not good enough? After all this time?”

Zoro had always hated that Luffy knew he struggled with feeling deserving of his place on the crew. It made sense. Luffy probably knew him better than anyone, and he could say the same of himself with Luffy. They stepped in tandem with each other, two halves of a whole. Of course Luffy knew. He still hated it, though.

He looked away again, “Not often. But sometimes.”

Luffy let go of his arms, taking his hands instead. Zoro tried to pull his hands back, but Luffy wouldn’t let them go. It wasn’t the first time Luffy had made such intimate gestures towards him. It was in their Captain’s nature. He was loving and physical. Zoro should’ve been used to it by now.

He felt a hot flush spread up his neck and into his ears.

Zoro was not used to it.

He kept his gaze averted, tense in the gentle grasp of his Captain’s hands.

“I’m the Captain,” Luffy’s voice was softer, more caring, less upset, “I decide who deserves to be on my ship. I decide who deserves to be my swordsman. I decide who deserves to be my first mate.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I decide Zoro deserves it.”

“Yeah… I know.”

“You could have died. I could have lost you.”

A thick wave of guilt crashed over him. “Yeah… you’re right. I’m sorry.”

Luffy let go of one of his hands, instead placing it softly on Zoro’s face, turning it to face him. When he finally made eye contact again with his Captain, he saw Luffy’s expression was soft and his eyes were glassy. Luffy’s hand was hot against his face and he felt Luffy brush his thumb, just slightly, almost imperceptibly, over Zoro’s cheek. The flush in Zoro’s ears rushed across his face. It wasn’t that Zoro didn’t like how touchy Luffy was. It was just… embarrassing. He never knew how to react to it. He was like this with all the crewmates to some extent. It just never ceased to catch Zoro off guard. He knows it’s meant to be comforting, but usually Zoro just found it incredibly overwhelming. 

Maybe it was due to how rarely he was touched to begin with. Physical contact for him was typically of the violent variety. Maybe that’s why Luffy’s touch always made him want to run away.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Zo? Why’d you lie to me?”

“I knew you’d be mad.”

“I am mad.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“You have to promise me you’ll never do that again.”

“Which part,” Zoro asked, partly to ease the mood, partly because he actually did want the clarification, “Saving your life or lying to you?”

“Sacrificing yourself-”

Oh.

“-and lying to me.” Luffy added. “You’re only allowed to save my life if you’ll live, too.”

“Luffy, you know I can’t guarantee something like that. Not in the sorts of situations we get into.”

“I don’t care. If saving my life means you’ll die too, choose to live. Captain’s order.”

“Luffy, you can’t-”

Luffy pulled Zoro close, pressed their foreheads together. “I’m sorry, Zo. I’m sorry I put you in that position.”

Zoro was struck. “What..?”

“I’m sorry I left you alone to defend everyone. I’m sorry you had to save me.”

“Luffy, it’s not your fault, you’d just been through a really hard fight. No one could expect you to get up and face Kuma.”

“I’m your Captain. I should never put my crew in a position where they have to sacrifice themselves for me. It’s my job to protect you all.” Luffy pressed a firm kiss on Zoro’s forehead, speaking into it, “I failed you as a Captain that day.”

Zoro huffed a laugh, “It goes both ways, Lu. You protect us, we protect you. That’s how this works.” He placed his hands on Luffy’s shoulders, pushing him back and smiling at him. “I can’t promise you I won’t lay my life down for you. None of us can. We’re all prepared to do that.”

Luffy sighed. “...I know.”

“You’d do it for us.”

“Yeah.” He responded without any hesitation or doubt.

Zoro squeezed his shoulders. “So don’t ask me to make a promise I can’t keep. Don’t ask me to lie to my Captain.”

Luffy frowned. “Fine.” He leaned his shoulder against the wall. 

Zoro scratched at the side of his face, now a little unsure of what to do with his hands. He eventually settled on crossing his arms and mirroring the way Luffy leaned against the wall.

“You know, the cook tried to step in and take my place, too.” Zoro said coyly. If he had to deal with Luffy’s emotional, touchy-feely side, he was at least going to force Sanji to deal with it, too. Once he returned, of course.

Luffy frowned even deeper, grumbling under his breath, but said nothing at first. Then, after a long moment, “I’m worried about him.”

“Yeah.” Zoro agreed. He wouldn’t ever directly say it. Wouldn’t even imply it in front of anyone other than Luffy. But his Captain knew him. There was no point in trying to act tough.

Luffy’s eyes were fixed on the floor, clearly lost in thought about Sanji’s predicament. Zoro took a moment to really study the look of worry on his face. He recognized it as the same expression Luffy always wore whenever a member of the crew was in trouble. Then, and only then, did it actually occur to him that Luffy’s made that face about him , too. Not often, he’s sure. He knows Luffy trusts him. He knows Luffy believes fully in Zoro’s promise to never lose to anyone again for the sake of his Captain and crew. But he also knows he’s gotten himself into some situations . So it occurs to him, for the first time, that Luffy worries about him. And he realizes that if it were Zoro in Sanji’s position, it would be the same. Luffy would be gearing up to take on the kingdom of an Emperor alone just to bring him home. Just as he was getting ready to do for Sanji. He’d never questioned Luffy’s love for the crew. Not once. But it only just occurred to him that Zoro is part of the crew as well. Luffy loves him, too.

Luffy’s propensity for physical affection makes a little more sense to him in that moment.

Zoro reaches a hand out to Luffy’s face, landing at the curve between his neck and jaw. Luffy looks up, clearly surprised. Zoro smiled at him.

“Bring him home, Captain. Let’s get everyone in one place again.”

Luffy grinned and leaned slightly into the touch, “Yeah.”

The anxious lines faded from Luffy’s face and it was clear to Zoro now why Luffy was so physically intimate with everyone. Their Captain was always trying to ease their worry- smooth it away with his hands, take it onto himself through the kisses he’d place on their heads or cheeks. He was always trying to carry the whole crew’s troubles by himself.

Not on Zoro’s watch. Now Zoro knew how to take this on for his Captain, too.

Chapter Text

Sanji laid sprawled out on the lawn of the Sunny’s deck. It was his first evening back aboard after escaping Totto Land territory, and while he didn’t usually make a habit of lying on the floor, everyone was asleep by now and he needed to feel close to the ship. The cigarette he’d been smoking had long since burned out, but he kept the butt between his lips, worrying at it with his teeth. He’d changed into a thin dress shirt and slacks, sleeves rolled up above his elbows, and he was glad for it. He could feel the cool, sea-damp grass against his back and it was comforting, like a hand caressing him. The ship was a disaster, the kitchen was a smoke-damaged mess, the splintered masts creaked under the slightest breeze, but it was all overshadowed by how comfortable it was. The citrus scent of Nami’s mikan trees, the particular sound of how waves hit the doors of the Soldier Docking System and made a hollow thump like a drum, the cream canvas sails ever-present in the foreground of the endless sky and sea beyond, each painted with the titular straw hat symbol- a constant reminder of his family. His true family. The people who toppled a kingdom just to eat his cooking.

He brushed his hair out of his face, soaking in the star-streaked night, savoring the blessed quiet and never before more grateful that the Sunny and all its doors and windows and all the plants aboard didn’t sing at all hours of the day. He never knew that was something he’d need to be grateful for.

The quiet moment alone, the chance to feel without needing to keep his guard up, was an opportunity he seized and clung to.

From the moment they landed at Dressrosa, he hadn’t had a moment to really rest or process things. It was one thing after another, fight after fight, and then helping the Mink Tribe recover on Zou, only to be whisked away from his friends with so little notice, no time to prepare. Even in the quiet moments in his room at Whole Cake Island, he hadn’t let go of the breath he was holding. This is the situation you’re in. Make the best of it. Don’t entertain emotions. It won’t help. Never had he been closer to wishing he was a little more like his brothers. Sometimes it seemed their natural state of indifference would’ve made things simpler, easier to swallow. Instead, he felt. Deeply. He loved fully. He cared completely. He worried and fussed and shouted and cried and laughed and suffered. And he missed. He longed. He yearned. He ached.  

It could be extremely frustrating.

The irony of his overwhelming feelings causing another, equally overwhelming feeling, thus adding to his frustration, was not lost on him.

But back on the ship, back with his family, knowing they went to bed with full stomachs and happy hearts, he felt overwhelmingly grateful for the chance to feel joy and love as deep and pure as this.

He was lost in emotion, soaked in the calming comfort of the rocking ship, when he heard the specific creak of the men’s quarters’ door opening, followed by the soft clack of it being gently closed again, and then quiet footfalls across the lawn. The whispered fwssh-fwssh-fwssh of displaced grass grew louder, the culprit making a slow but confident beeline to Sanji’s spot on the deck.

Luffy sat down beside and slightly behind him. He knew without looking that it was Luffy because he’d memorized the sound of his gait, the particular length and tone of the creaks in the deck floorboards under Luffy’s specific weight, the sound of his breathing. Most folks assumed this particular skill was a result of Haki, and truthfully, Haki did make it sharper, more natural. But the fact of the matter was that Sanji developed the ability to sense who was coming from where and what mood they were in when he was a child just trying to survive in a castle full of people who wanted to hurt him.

Know what’s coming before it arrives. Mentally prepare for a fight- For pain.

Breathe. He thought to himself. It’s Luffy. You’re safe.

Luffy was silent, and Sanji thought briefly about saying something. He opened his mouth, closed it again, unsure. What should he say? What could he say? Did he need to say anything? Certainly he should say something. He hadn’t even properly thanked Luffy for coming to get him. Was there even a proper way to thank him? Was it possible? He remembered the way he thanked Zeff as he was leaving the Baratie. It didn’t seem fitting for the relationship he had with Luffy. He didn’t think Luffy would accept him dropping his head to the deck, thanking him in tears. Luffy didn’t like that sort of thing. Luffy liked food. But cooking for him seemed redundant. He’s going to cook for him regardless. Luffy also liked honesty. Sanji tried to parse out his feelings and put words to them that would convey his honest emotions. The relief and joy of being with the crew again. The shame of kicking the shit out of his Captain who refused to fight back. The love he felt learning the lengths everyone had gone to to save him. But everything he thought to say sounded forced or too embarrassing in his mind. But he had to say something…

“Sanji.”

The warm half-whisper of Luffy’s voice dropped into the middle of his thoughts, derailing them. He looked up slightly towards him, not in a position to make proper eye contact without completely getting up, and Sanji simply didn’t want to do that yet. “Hm?”

“How are you feeling?”

Luffy was dressed the same as before he’d gone to bed. Just shorts and bandages and his hat around his neck. The only indication that he’d gone to bed in the first place was that he was barefoot. The question he asked rattled across the floor of Sanji’s mind. Has he ever asked me that, before?

Luffy looked at him, gaze soft but firm, unblinking.

Has anyone asked me that, before?

And what’s more, Sanji couldn’t think of a time when Luffy had asked anyone that question. There was no need. Luffy knew how people felt. It was a matter of Luffy convincing them to be honest about it.

“I uh- I’m… good. ” It was true, though not a complete answer.

Luffy frowned. “I know Sanji’s good.”

Then why did you ask?  

“How are you feeling?” He repeated, firmer.

“You… want me to talk about my feelings?”

“Yeah. You have a lot of them, but you don’t like to talk about them. You hide too much. I thought maybe Sanji was just homesick a lot, for the Baratie.” Luffy wrinkled up his nose, deep in thought.

Sanji sighed, wistful, “I am, sometimes.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” He nodded, the comment plain, matter-of-fact. “But there’s a lot you didn’t tell us. About your family.”

“Right…” He really didn’t want to have this conversation. He felt bad enough about dragging the crew into his family drama.

“I heard some of it on Whole Cake Island, but I didn’t listen ‘cause I don’t care-”

“Yeah, I know you don’t, that’s why I never told you.” Sanji snapped at him. Sometimes Luffy’s general disregard for the lives his crewmates lived before they met him was refreshing, but sometimes it grated on Sanji’s nerves. 

“Let me finish,” Luffy replied steely and firm.

Sanji closed his mouth, a little upset with himself for being rude when Luffy had just saved him.

“I don’t care what other people say about Sanji and his family. I only care what Sanji thinks. Nobody else’s opinion matters. You’re my Nakama, so what you say is important to me. But you didn’t say anything, so I thought what happened before the Baratie wasn’t important.”

“It isn’t.” Sanji said, wishing for all the world that everyone around him would feel the same.

Luffy hummed, formulating what he wanted to say. Most people assumed Luffy never thought before he spoke. Sanji used to think that, too. But over time, he learned that it’s not that Luffy doesn’t think before speaking. It’s that Luffy knows thinking too hard about what’s being said usually just complicates things. Often, it’s best to just say what’s on your mind. But sometimes, Luffy did genuinely think hard about what he wanted to say before he said it. Sanji hadn’t quite narrowed down what situations merited the rare treatment of thought from Luffy, but he had noticed they were always situations that Luffy felt were very important.

Finally, after a long moment, Luffy spoke again.

“Sanji is smart and good and kind. But sometimes Sanji is wrong-” He looked down at Sanji and grinned. “-usually about what other people think of him.”

Sanji frowned. “Is that so?”

He dropped the old cigarette butt, fished out a fresh one, lit it, and inhaled deeply. The compliment felt hollow when paired with the jab at his self-image.

“Well, you’re only half-wrong.” Luffy said, nose wrinkled in thought again, eyes cast off to the side. “It’s not important that your family is royalty because it’s not important to you , and it doesn’t matter that they’re bad people because you’re good. You’re not like them.”

Before he could respond, Luffy hooked his hands under Sanji’s arms and hoisted him up so his head was laying in Luffy’s lap. Startled at the sudden contact and unsure of how to react, Sanji froze, tense, a little freaked out. This is weird, right? Why is he doing this? He felt vulnerable. He thought about getting up, turning to face his Captain on equal ground rather than laying on him like a little kid. Luffy’s broad palms splayed firmly across his shoulders, holding him down, made it clear that wouldn’t be easy. And Luffy just looked down at him and smiled, all easy sunshine against the dark night sky.

“Rest.” He said simply. It was less an order and more an invitation.

Sanji didn’t move.

Again, Luffy smiled, laughed quietly under his breath, “Everyone’s asleep. We’re all safe. Rest with me, Sanji.”

After a long moment of working through how bewildering his Captain continued to be, finally Sanji relented, “Sure, okay.”

He slowly relaxed, letting himself fall back into the assured safety and comfort of the ship swaying on rolling waves. Luffy’s legs radiated warmth against his neck and the skin contact made him feel like he was vibrating. Feeling fidgety, he moved his hands to the top of his stomach and thumbed at one of his shirt buttons.

Luffy kept his hands on Sanji’s shoulder’s but eased his grip, running his thumbs along the curves of his collar bones. The touch was intimate, affectionate, and not at all something Sanji was familiar with. If he didn’t know Luffy better, he’d think his Captain was trying to coddle him. But Luffy had never coddled anyone in his life. Not since Sanji had known him, at least. Luffy expected the best from everyone around him and would kick your ass until you met his standards. So why is he being this… nice?  

Sanji swallowed, “Luffy, uh- why… are you doing this?”

Luffy was looking off in the distance again, seemingly lost in thought, but still present enough to keep tracing symmetrical circles along Sanji’s collar. He didn’t turn, only kept gazing at some nonspecific spot on the black horizon. “Your family was really bad to you, huh? Maybe not your sister, but your brothers and your dad?”

Sanji wasn’t entirely sure how to respond.

“No one told me anything specific. But I saw them and got a feel for them.” He continued, his voice low and a little sad. “And I remember what you said about them at our rendezvous spot.” Finally, Luffy looked down at him, eyes dark, soft, warm. “It seems like they hurt you a lot.”

A thick lump crawled up into Sanji’s throat. “Y-yeah. It was bad. It was hell.”

“Mm.” Luffy looked back out at the sea, pressing his thumbs a little firmer into the fabric of Sanji’s shirt. He frowned, “Everyone likes something different.”

Huh? 

“What do you mean?”

Luffy looked down at his lap, less at Sanji and more at his own hands still pressed onto Sanji’s shoulders. “Nami and Robin both like holding hands, but in different ways. Usopp, too sometimes, but mostly he likes hugs. Chopper likes when I scratch behind his ears, and if I pet his belly, he’ll fall asleep. Brook doesn’t like touching ‘cause it makes him sad, but he likes when I sing with him. Franky likes taking naps together. Zoro doesn’t know it, but he likes when I kiss his forehead. I can tell. But... Sanji always flinches.” He quirked his mouth to the side, frustrated. “Not just with me. Sanji always flinches with all the guys. He only lets the girls touch him without being scared.”

“I’m not scared, I just-” Sanji wasn’t sure how to finish his sentence. He’d never noticed he only reacted negatively to the male crewmates touching him. He’d never given his reaction to touch much thought.

“Hmm. Maybe not scared,” Luffy agreed, “But like you’re trying to defend yourself. Like we might hurt you. That’s what made me think maybe your brothers and your dad were really bad to you. The only nice one is your sister. So I thought maybe that’s why Sanji likes girls so much. They’re the only nice ones.”

Sanji was dumbfounded. He’d never given any of this any thought and here was Luffy, fully dissecting his patterns of behavior like a psychiatrist.

Luffy grinned at him, “But Nami and Robin aren’t the only ones who love you! All us guys love you, too!”

The lump in his throat returned in full force. “Y-yeah. I know.”

“So you should tell me what you like, so you won’t flinch when I try to tell you I love you! You don’t have to tell the other guys if you don’t want to. Sometimes they’re not so good at it anyway. But you should tell me, ‘cause I’m your Captain.” Luffy squeezed his shoulders and smiled like he hadn’t just said the strangest thing Sanji could imagine the captain of a pirate crew saying.

When you try to tell me you love me…

It made a lot of sense when he thought about it. Luffy didn’t waste time on words that didn’t need to be said. He expressed his feelings and intentions through action. Why would he say he loves his crew when he can show his love? It was plain and clear when Luffy would level cities, uproot empires, stand on the brink of death, all for the people he loved. But it hadn’t occurred to Sanji until now that his affectionate behavior during their downtime was his softer, less violent, less desperate way of saying 'I love you.'

And Sanji always flinched.

Memories of tight hugs, friendly pats on his back or shoulders, excited hands around his arms dragging him on an adventure, all flooded his mind. He always flinched. He suddenly felt guilty for not realizing sooner that his Captain had been trying all this time to love him through his actions and Sanji had never once let his guard down to allow it.

“Luffy, I-... I don’t think I can let go like that.”

Luffy frowned and cocked an eyebrow, “Sure you can. Don't you trust me?”

“Of course.” Without question, now more than ever.

“So you know I won’t try to hurt you.”

“...yeah.”

“So tell me what you like.”

Sanji felt if he asked for even one more thing from Luffy after everything they’d just been through, he might die of shame. That aside, he wasn’t even entirely sure what the answer was.

“Well… I don’t hate this honestly.” He said, gesturing vaguely to their current arrangement. 

“Well, that’s good.” Luffy said, smiling, “I’m glad you don’t hate it. But what do you like? ”

Sanji thought for a long time, trying to remember what physical intimacy he truly enjoyed most, sifting through the handful of tender moments he’d shared with lovers and the few precious memories of his mother’s gentle touch. Truthfully, something did come to mind quickly, but he shoved it away, trying to find something he’d be less embarrassed to ask for. He didn’t dislike hand-holding, but he was worried Luffy would try to do it while he cooked. He wasn’t much for hugs- they felt restrictive, like a trap. Each time he thought of something different, it felt off, and instead, his first thought would come back. He knew it was the right answer, but he felt ridiculous for it.

He swallowed his pride and, feeling like a complete fool, took one of Luffy’s hands and brought it up to his head, letting it rest in his hair. “I uh-... like... this. ”

“Oh,” Luffy quipped, as if realizing the most obvious thing in the world. He slipped his fingers through Sanji’s hair, gently grazing his nails along his scalp, “Like this?”

Sanji was mortified at how instinctively and automatically he leaned into the soft, careful caress. The flush rushing into his face was so hot it felt like he had a fever, but it had been so long since he’d been offered this particular brand of affection. No one who’d offered this to him had ever hurt him for being himself. He’d never had a reason to shy away from this. He felt himself relax fully into Luffy’s lap.

Luffy chuckled under his breath and brushed the hair out of Sanji’s eyes. He laced his fingers through the thick, golden hair and reached behind Sanji’s ear, ghosting his fingertips along the shell of it, and running his thumb along the curve of his eyebrow.

The way Luffy did it, Sanji noticed immediately, was different from any lover he’d had and different from the way his mother had done it. It was familiar enough to feel safe, but not so familiar that it felt violating. Neither better nor worse than the others, but different. The thing that stayed the same, however, was the sense of safety it immediately brought with it. Right away, he felt he could tell Luffy anything in the world and it would be okay.

“I’m sorry,” Sanji said softly, “for dragging you and the crew into all the trouble my family caused.”

Luffy smiled, still carding his fingers through Sanji’s hair, “It’s okay. They’re not your family anyways.”

Sanji chuckled, “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Oh! That reminds me,” Luffy shifted, pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket, and dropped it on Sanji’s chest. “I know you were upset about your wanted poster, so I fixed it for you.” 

Intrigued but unwilling to move from Luffy’s hand, Sanji unfolded the poster and held it up to his face. “DEAD OR” and “VINSMOKE” had both been crossed out and, in barely legible chicken-scratch handwriting, new words had been scrawled in.

WANTED

ONLY

DEAD OR ALIVE

STRAWHAT
VINSMOKE SANJI

“It’s correct, now!” Luffy grinned at him, clearly proud of his work.

Sanji broke.

The lump in his throat turned into a choked sob.

He’s wanted.

He laid on the deck, head in his Captain’s lap, clutching the wanted poster to his chest, sobbing, for what felt like ages. All the while, Luffy brushed his fingers through Sanji’s hair, and spoke softly, gently to him, “Sanji is good. Sanji is smart and strong and brave. Sanji is kind and reliable. Sanji is good. Sanji is good.”

Sanji didn’t know he was capable of crying as hard or as long as he was. Every part of him wanted to deny or fight against what Luffy was saying, but the words were so kind and Luffy’s voice was so soft and his touch was so gentle and his Captain never, never lied to him. 

“Nami and Robin love Sanji. Usopp and Chopper love Sanji. Franky and Brook love Sanji. Zoro definitely loves Sanji, he’s just a jerk about it. And I love Sanji.” Luffy smoothed his thumb along Sanji’s eyebrow, tracing the shape of it.

Through ragged breaths, Sanji tried his best and failed to sound remotely dignified, “I love you guys, too. I love all of you so much. I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I tried to push you away. You came to get me, to help me, and I hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me," Luffy said softly, lovingly, "You just flinched.”

The next morning, Sanji busied himself with breakfast while Luffy perched on the cabinets above him, chattering about everything and nothing. How the crew would be happy to see Sanji once they got to the Land of Wano. How the Land of Wano was going to be amazing and he was going to see so many ninjas. How breakfast smelled fantastic.

While Sanji cooked and listened to his Captain’s grand plans of adventure, Luffy reached down from the cabinets and ran his fingers through Sanji’s hair, pushing it back from his eyes. And Sanji never flinched.

Chapter Text

Brook loved early mornings.

As he leaned against the railing of the Sunny, humming along while warming up with his violin, he watched the sun crest over the sparkling horizon, bright and warm. He’d always loved sunrises but cherished them more now after so long spent avoiding them while his shadow was taken from him. It had been quite some time since then, but he still took a moment to appreciate the sunlight each day. He only wished he could feel the warmth of it the same way. Being nothing but a skeleton meant a vastly dampened sense of touch and temperature. These days, the warmth of the sun merely ghosted across his bleach-white bones.

None of the crew were up just yet. Many days, he’d rouse them with a loud, jaunty tune to get the blood flowing. Their blood, not his, of course. But some days, when he was feeling wistful or if he knew the crew was especially tired, he’d opt to start the day with a soft, quiet tune, letting them sleep in and wake slowly to gentle music.

Today was one of those days.

Propped on the railing of the helm, overlooking the rest of the ship, he felt inspired by the particularly rhythmic roll of the waves and chose a tune he felt appropriate to start the day. It was one he hadn’t played in some time, but he felt it fit, given their recent perilous escape from Totto Land only a couple of days before.

He eased into the tune, rolling warm tones from his violin in a slow waltz, loud enough to be heard across the ship, but not loud enough to startle or disturb. Once he felt sufficiently warmed up, he began singing.

“Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,

Onward! the sailors cry,

Carry the lad that’s born to be king,

Over the sea to Skye…”

Brook imagined the crew sleeping peacefully in their bunks, waking slowly to the swaying waltz. He hoped they’d find it pleasant to wake to. Their latest adventures had been difficult physically and emotionally. Everyone was exhausted, though many of them wouldn’t say so.

“Loud the winds howl, loud the waves roar,

Thunderclaps rend the air,

Baffled, our foes stand on the shore,

Follow they will not dare,”

Before long, he heard someone leave the men’s quarters. He looked down to see Luffy stretching in the morning sunlight. Of everyone, he was the last one Brook expected to be up first.

“Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,

Onward! the sailors cry,

Carry the lad that’s born to be king,

Over the sea to Skye,”

Luffy stretched his arms up to hook onto the railing and vault himself up, settling on the railing itself.

“Good morning, Luffy-san. You’re up quite early.” Brook said softly as he continued his playing.

“I like this song,” Luffy said, smiling up at him, “I haven’t heard it in a long time.”

“Oh, you know this one?”

“Mm. But I don’t remember how I know it. I think I’ve always known it. It reminds me of being a little kid.” He swung his legs back and forth, now joining Brook in watching the sunrise.

Brook wondered if perhaps one of Luffy’s parents sang it to him as a lullaby. It would be a pretty incredible coincidence given the lyrics. He chuckled to himself and continued playing. The next time the chorus came around, Luffy joined in singing, a higher, honey tone in comparison to Brook’s low, humming vocals. Luffy wasn’t an amazing singer, but he was far from the worst as far as Brook had heard. He generally stayed on pitch and he seemed to have a knack for remembering song lyrics.

As Brook continued to play, he and his Captain watched as more of the crew began their day. Sanji was the next to leave the quarters, waving to them with a smile as he stretched and made his way to the kitchen to start breakfast. 

Then Nami left the ladies’ quarters, towel over her shoulder, and headed for the bathroom, though not before she waved at them and called, “Good morning Brook, Luffy!”

Luffy waved back smiling.

“Good morning, Nami-san!” Brook called back.

After a moment, Luffy looked up at him, “Brook, Nami told me about how you got the copies of the Ponegliffs and stood up to Big Mom.”

“Oh, she did? Yes, I suppose I did do that. I had no choice, it was my mission. Pedro worked hard to give me the opportunity. I couldn’t waste it.”

“And you were able to break that picture at the tea party so the plan could keep going.”

“Well, yes. It had to be done.”

“And Chopper said he couldn’t have protected the Sunny without your help. He said you took down all the Homies on your own!”

Brook could tell there was a lot of praise incoming. He wasn’t the best at accepting compliments, even if they were deserved. “Ah, yes. Since the Homies are made with fragments of souls, I can put them to rest. I am the Soul King, after all.” He said as nonchalantly as he could, yo-ho-ing nervously.

Luffy grinned, “You did great! You’ve gotten a lot stronger since we met. I’m really proud to have you on my crew.”

If Brook could blush, he would have. Instead, his bow stuttered slightly across the strings of his violin. “Thank you, Captain. I am very proud to be on your crew.”

His Captain’s smile didn’t falter as he gazed out at the sea.

After another long moment of Luffy listening happily to Brook’s playing, he spoke up, “Brook, you were the captain of the Rumbar Pirates, right?”

A familiar sad ache crept into Brook’s soul. “For a time, yes, I was the acting captain.”

“Do you ever miss being captain?”

Brook’s bow skipped again, his hand shaking slightly, “No, not at all.”

“Why not?”

“Well, you may recall I was only captain to begin with because my own captain fell ill along with many of my crewmates, and we had to part ways.” Brook laid his violin down, no longer having the energy to keep playing. “My position as captain was a constant reminder of the loss of so many precious friends.”

“Hm,” was all Luffy offered in reply.

“You’re not thinking of stepping down, are you?” Brook asked with a laugh, lighthearted, already knowing the answer.

“No,” Luffy replied with a smile, “I was just worried you might not like being a crewmate as much as you liked being captain. I could never just be a crewmate."

Brook laughed, "You certainly couldn't! I have been alive a very long time and I have never met a man more naturally inclined to lead than you, Captain."

Luffy cocked his head, "Really? I don't think I'm any better at it than anyone else. I just don't think being a crewmate would be as fun."

"I think," Brook pondered quietly, leaning against the railing beside Luffy, "The fact that you find being captain so fun is part of what makes you good at it."

"Oh yeah?"

"I did not love being captain, but I loved my crew. But I think you need both to truly be good at it. You have both in spades." Brook sighed.

"Yeah," Luffy agreed, "I guess I do!" He laughed, beaming at Brook.

"When we first met," Brook found himself admitting, "I caught myself wondering if you even felt any pressure as captain of a crew. You so rarely let it show."

When he looked down at Luffy, his Captain was now looking down at his bandage-wrapped hands, brow knit together. He didn't respond.

Brook placed a hand on Luffy's shoulder. "That is another reason why I think you're an incredible captain."

Luffy looked up at him, seemingly a little startled by the contact.

"You carry so much weight," Brook continued, "all of our dreams along with your own, you love us unconditionally and protect us with all your life and strength. Though you never complain."

Luffy cocked an eyebrow. "Why would I complain? That's nothing to complain about."

Brook chuckled, "A lesser captain wouldn't care so deeply without looking for something in return."

"That's stupid." Luffy said plainly and crossed his arms, frowning, "I can't ask you guys to give me more than you do. It's not like I could've made it this far without all of you."

Brook squeezed his shoulder. "That's a very wise outlook for someone so young. It is a point of view most people in power don't learn until many decades into their leadership, if they ever learn it at all."

"I think you must have been a great captain, too, Brook. I bet your crew was just as strong and kind as you are." Luffy's smile was soft and bright as the sunrise.

"Ahh, yes," Brook thought fondly of the Rumbars. He loved the Strawhats with all his soul, but sometimes, once in a great while, he wished he wasn't the only musician on the ship. "They were very strong and very kind. However, they were never mine. "

Luffy frowned. "Sure they were. You were their captain, at least for a while."

"Yes, but…" Brook looked out to the sea, "I think I was theirs more than they were ever mine."  

He turned to see Luffy looking out over the Sunny, thinking deeply, with a pensive frown.

"Yeah," he finally said, "That makes sense. I think I agree."

Brook looked at him fondly, always grateful for these thoughtful conversations with Luffy. "Oh?"

"If Sanji really didn't want to come back, I wouldn't force him. Same with Usopp back when the Merry broke down. And Robin at Enies Lobby. If they would've said no and meant it , like Vivi and Jinbe, that would've been okay." He said, an air of sadness in his tone, "You, too, when we first met."

Brook remembered how he'd turned Luffy down the first time he'd asked him to join the crew. He hadn't wanted to, but it couldn't be helped. And it all worked out in the end.

"When we all got separated at Sabaody and I asked all of you to meet me again in two years," Luffy continued, "I trusted you would all come back, but there was no reason you really had to come back." 

He frowned, pursed his lips, "I think I've felt for a long time that you guys belong to me and I'm responsible for you. I trusted you’d all come back because you’re my crew. But that’s not really true, is it?"

Brook considered speaking but opted to let Luffy finish his train of thought, curious to see what conclusion he’d come to on his own.

“I’m only your captain because you choose to let me.” Luffy turned and smiled at him. “So, Brook, I guess I should say- Thank you for choosing me as your Captain. I’m very lucky to have you on my crew.”

Brook laughed, “If luck was the only thing at play, I wouldn’t have chosen you, Captain.” He ruffled Luffy’s hair, chuckling at the way Luffy instinctively leaned into his boney hand. “I don’t think any of us would have.”

Luffy grinned, “In that case, I have to return the favor. I’ll make sure none of you ever regret choosing me.”

“Of that, I have no doubt, young man.” Brook picked up his violin and propped it against his shoulder. “Shall we continue our song, Captain?”

Luffy nodded, swinging his legs back and forth, “Yeah! Then breakfast!”

“Breakfast, indeed.” Brook chuckled and began playing again, he and Luffy picking up the song where they left off.

“Though the waves leap, soft shall ye sleep,

Ocean's a royal bed.

Rocked in the deep, Flora will keep

Watch by your weary head”

“Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing,

Onward! the sailors cry;

Carry the lad that's born to be king

Over the sea to Skye.”

Chapter Text

It was a warm and lazy afternoon aboard the Sunny- A rare treat for the worn-down Strawhat crew. Only a few days had passed since leaving Wano and they were all still recovering from the grueling battle with Kaido and his lackeys. So the ship was quiet and relaxed, no one quite having the energy to start up party games or spar on the lawn.

Jinbe was at the helm, thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to further learn about the Sunny more intimately- familiarize himself with the resistance of the wheel, the angles of turns, and the controls for the many strange gadgets. He found particular excitement in acquainting himself with the new tack rigging Franky had built in response to the crew’s tales of Jinbe manually steering the ship through the Green Room as they traversed Totto Land. The shipwright had endeavored to make the rig as intuitive as possible and implemented an impressive pulley system that cut far back on the amount of force required to maneuver the sails. Now, turning the ship on a dime was smooth as butter. The Thousand Sunny was truly an incredibly fun ship to sail, and fun was something Jinbe hadn’t had in a long, long time.

He also found a deep peace in the calm of his new crew. Well, he thought, perhaps ‘calm’ is a strong word. A ‘lazy’ afternoon on the Sunny, Jinbe was now learning, consisted at the very least of Usopp and Chopper roughhousing on the lawn, Zoro lifting entirely too-large weights while getting into arguments with Sanji, and Brook providing a funky-soul backdrop to Franky’s impromptu dance concerts that included a few too many pelvic thrusts for the general comfort of the women lounging in the shade. But this levity and upbeat peace was almost entirely foreign to Jinbe. The last time he could remember having time to relax in this way was once in a great while on Fisher Tiger’s ship. He simply hadn’t had the opportunity since then to truly relax. It made him realize how much he’d missed the family dynamic of a simple sailing crew on a good, solid ship. Truly, he understood there was really nothing simple about the inhabitants of the Thousand Sunny. But it was times like this languid afternoon on calm waters with favorable winds and light hearts that it really showed how the Strawhats could trick anyone into believing they were a bunch of happy kids rather than the ineffable and undefeatable pirates Jinbe knew them to be.

But, the sharkman pondered as he chuckled at Usopp and Chopper unceremoniously dragging Zoro into their wrestling match, who briefly pretended to be annoyed but was soon laughing along with them, maybe it’s not so impossible for them to just be a bunch of happy kids as well.

Behind him, Jinbe heard the telltale thrum of stretching rubber followed by a very cheerful shout as Luffy snapped up to the helm. “JINBE!!”

Jinbe grinned at him, truly happy to see his Captain in high spirits. “Hello, Luffy! How are you today?”

Luffy perched on the railing like a happy, rubber gargoyle. “Great! But I have a question! Sanji said he’s making everyone’s favorite foods for dinner tonight, so he told me to come find out what yours is. So what is it?”

Jinbe chuckled, “That’s very kind of Sanji, though I doubt he has mozuku seaweed on hand.”

“I bet he does,” Luffy said, grinning wide, “Sanji has everything! I’ll be right back!”

He was gone in a flash. Jinbe smiled to himself. He truly loved Luffy’s kind and loving disposition. It was such a breath of fresh air in comparison to so many people Jinbe had dealt with in his life. The unbridled love and fierce dedication he had for his crew was enviable. Jinbe sorely wished every leader loved their subordinates so fiercely. The world, he felt, would be a much kinder place.

After another moment, Luffy returned as promised, perched back on his spot on the railing. “Sanji says there’s some of that seaweed growing in the aquarium. He says he’s glad it’s your favorite ‘cause it was starting to grow in too thick and he needed an excuse to start using it up.”

Jinbe was a little taken aback, not at all expecting Sanji to have such a thing on the ship. “Oh! Well, I’m happy to relieve him of that burden.” He said with a smile.

“See?” Luffy replied with a grin that made his ears pitch upward, “I told you Sanji has everything!”

Jinbe laughed, “Indeed you did! I shouldn’t have doubted you, Captain.”

Luffy came up beside him, craning his neck up and over Jinbe’s broad frame to gawk at the ship’s controls as if he wasn’t familiar with his own ship. “Whatcha doin’?”

“I’m sailing the ship, Luffy.” He responded with a thick tone of what do you mean ‘what am I doing?’

“Oh. Right.” Luffy replied plainly. “Can I hang out with you?”

Jinbe had started picking up on this routine of Luffy’s, wherein he’d spend one-on-one time each day with each of his crewmates. It was an admirable habit, though Jinbe wondered if it was something Luffy would endeavor to do should he ever command a larger crew.

“Of course, Captain. Though I can’t imagine it’ll be too exciting. You’ll probably get bored pretty quickly.”

Luffy spider-climbed his way up Jinbe’s back and draped himself over Jinbe’s head. “Nah. Jinbe’s never boring!”

Jinbe couldn’t help but laugh as Luffy settled in, getting good and comfy on his new fishman perch. Maybe it would bother him if Luffy didn’t seem to weigh only about as much as a housecat. It felt more akin to wearing a Luffy-shaped hat rather than having a whole young man on his head.

“You should tell me stories about Fishman Island!” Luffy announced.

“Hmm…” Jinbe pondered, trying to think of some lighter, less depressing tales of his homeland than the ones that first sprang to mind, “I might have a few you haven’t heard.”

And so for quite some time, Jinbe regaled Luffy with tales from his early childhood- Adventures with friends swimming and playing in the rolling Green Room, getting into trouble and causing problems around town with a young Fisher Tiger- relishing in the chance to relive these bright, happy memories.

Luffy would occasionally jump in with similar stories of growing up with Ace and Sabo, and it struck Jinbe how similar their early years had been. Despite the long time difference and vastly different homelands, Luffy and Jinbe had very similar experiences of growing up with and idolizing an older brother, loving them deeply, only for them to die in a manner they could do nothing to prevent, no matter how hard they tried.

Then, Jinbe remembered something he’d noticed back when they were escaping Totto Land.

“Luffy, may I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Do you remember when you were in the Mirrorworld talking to us here on the ship through the mirror shards?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“I was at the helm, but I was listening to the conversation, and I noticed you went quiet for a long time. And at the very end of the conversation, when you gave the order for us to hurry to Cacao Island, there was something off in your voice.”

He felt Luffy tense on top of him.

“...Yeah.”

So there was something to it.

“What was going on?”

There was a long, pregnant silence.

When Luffy spoke, it was in a low, quiet voice.

“I needed you all to get away. I needed you to be safe…” He felt Luffy fiddle with the hem of his kimono by his neck, a rare and subtle product of anxiety from the young man. “Nami and Brook and Chopper… if they thought I was in trouble, if they thought I was in pain, they’d try to come help me. Maybe not you. You’re good at following orders. If I told you to go, to leave everything to me, no matter how bad things seemed, I think you’d go.”

It was… probably true. Jinbe knew that unless the situation was truly, desperately dire, if his Captain ordered him to leave, he would do so without question.

“But,” Luffy continued, “everyone has a habit of sacrificing themselves for me when they think I’m in danger. Too many of them have almost died because I wasn’t strong enough to protect everyone.”

Flashes of Luffy just after the Summit War flashed across Jinbe’s memory. The boy’s broken, hollow screaming as he slammed his head against the dirt and rocks over and over again, destroyed by the knowledge that he was simply incapable of going toe to toe with those that wished his crew and family harm, was a torturous sound that Jinbe sometimes heard in his dreams.

“So I needed everyone to think I had it under control- To think I wasn’t in any danger. But Mochi wasn’t letting up long enough for me to speak to you guys.”

It took a moment for Jinbe to realize ‘Mochi’ was Luffy’s nickname for Charlotte Katakuri. He’d have chuckled at Luffy’s near inability to remember the names of anyone not aboard his ship if Luffy’s tone wasn’t laced with so much dread. Then, slow realization began to swell in Jinbe...

“The whole time I was quiet, he was attacking me.”

Jinbe felt his stomach drop.

“I couldn’t open my mouth to talk because I would’ve screamed from the pain, and then you’d all have struggled to just go and not worry about me. But I needed you to go. I needed to know you guys weren’t going to be in any more danger on my account. So I held back and kept my mouth closed until there was a break in Mochi’s attacks.”

Jinbe was awestruck by the immense strength and raw willpower of his Captain. He knew he shouldn’t be surprised. He was intimately familiar with the young man’s incredible force of will. Though at the time Jinbe could tell by the state Luffy returned to them in, that the fight with Katakuri had been an incredibly difficult one, it hadn’t occurred to him just how difficult. They were ten hours away from Cacao Island during that conversation. Luffy was in that situation, having the life beaten out of him, and continued to fight for over ten more hours afterward.

He reached up, scooped Luffy off his head, and placed him on the deck in front of him. “Luffy, that’s… that’s incredible.”

Luffy’s expression was somewhere between guilty and pensive, and he shuffled his feet against the worn floorboards. “I didn’t like being dishonest with you guys, but I couldn’t risk you all getting hurt. Mochi was too strong for any of you. He was almost too strong for me. ”

Jinbe pulled him into a tight hug. “What you did was incredibly brave and very smart, Luffy. It was the right decision. We might not be here if the crew had hesitated at all.”

“Yeah,” Luffy sighed, “I know.” He nuzzled his face into Jinbe’s stomach. “It didn’t feel right at the time, though. It sucked. I felt like I was lying to my crew.”

“You didn’t really lie, Luffy.”

“But it wasn’t quite the truth, either.”

Jinbe ruffled Luffy’s hair. “Sometimes, when it comes to the safety of the crew, a captain can’t be as forthcoming as they’d like to be.” He sighed. “Especially when they have a crew as willing to die for their captain as this one.” As Jinbe said this, he was acutely aware of how firmly he also fell into the camp of being willing to die for Luffy at the drop of a hat. He was no better than the others in that department. Just marginally more willing to follow orders.

“I know,” Luffy said sadly, letting out a loud sigh that morphed into a groan, “I wish you guys would stop that. It makes it harder to keep you safe.”

Jinbe pulled Luffy away from him, meeting his eyes, “Luffy, tell me again what being a pirate means to you.”

Luffy cocked his head, confused, “To be free. To live freer than anyone.”

“And you want that for your crew as well, don’t you?”

“Of course.”

“And what we choose to do with our freedom is up to us?”

“Yeah.”

Jinbe squeezed his shoulders and smiled. “Then remember that we choose to give our freedom to you. We choose to follow you. If we die for our Captain, we die as we lived: freer than anyone.”

Luffy frowned and looked down at his feet, grumbling under his breath.

“Luffy.” Jinbe’s firm voice brought Luffy’s attention back up to him. “Our freedom is a gift you gave to us. We sail the seas at your side by your will.”

“I never gave it to you just so you could give it back.” He pouted.

Jinbe pressed a wide hand against Luffy’s face. He leaned into it, mouth quirked in frustration. “And we won’t give it back.” Jinbe said, “Not unless all other options are exhausted. I’ve been around the crew, and around you, long enough to know none of us want to face the sea without you.”

“Yeah, but I can’t face the sea without all of you, Jinbe.”

Jinbe smiled, “I don’t think you’ll ever have to, Captain. I think we’re all strong enough to protect each other.”

Luffy nodded, seeming to relax a little, “Yeah.” He sighed, “Can I ask you a favor, though?”

“What’s that?”

Luffy locked eyes with him, the expression on his face deadly serious. “If something like that happens again, can I trust you as my helmsman to get the crew to safety? No matter what’s happening? Even if I’m gonna die?”

Jinbe held the eye contact, thinking hard. He wasn’t sure he could promise something like that. He was pretty sure he could. But not certain. Submitting to Luffy as his Captain came as easy as breathing for Jinbe- Following his orders was as natural as swimming along the current. But the drive to keep Luffy alive was arguably stronger than the ease with which he fell into line at Luffy’s command. He wasn’t sure which would win out in that type of situation. Truthfully, he hoped he’d never have to find out. 

Finally, Jinbe settled on a response. “I promise I will do my best, Captain. I will remember this conversation and do everything in my power to protect the ship and crew.”

Luffy smiled, satisfied, and nodded. “Thanks, Jinbe.”

Jinbe ruffled his hair again, “Now lighten up. It’s unnatural for you to be so serious for this long.” He scooped Luffy back up and dropped him back on top of his head with a laugh.

Luffy hissed a laugh between his teeth, “I like this spot! It’s almost as good as my special spot on Sunny’s head!”

Jinbe chuckled, “With how much you like sitting on heads, I’m beginning to think you’re a literal straw hat.”

“Yeah!” Luffy cheered, “I’m a hat with a hat! A hat-hat!”

Jinbe let out a deep belly laugh. The kind of laugh that had become exceedingly rare for him. Though his new Captain and crew were quickly changing that.

Luffy nuzzled his nose against Jinbe’s forehead. “Thanks for being my helmsman, Jinbe.”

Jinbe reached up and softly touched his knuckles to Luffy’s own forehead, mimicking the gesture. “It is my greatest honor and deepest pleasure, Captain.”

Chapter Text

Wano was not a terribly hot island, at least as far as most regions of the country were concerned. It was largely temperate and comfortable, with cool, misty mornings and warm afternoons. Udon, however, was dry, arid, and hot. It wasn’t an unbearable heat for the average person, but if you happened to be a reindeer better suited to cold environments, complete with a thick undercoat beneath your fur, you would likely find Udon to be just as unpleasant as sitting on the surface of the sun itself.

Chopper did his best to stay hydrated while caring for the prisoners of Udon’s labor camp, often dipping into a barrel of clean water Luffy had liberated from the prison offices. He kept his mouth open, panting hot breaths to try to cool himself off. Damn reindeer body not having sweat glands… He cursed under his breath, none too pleased about the entire situation. Between needing to care for Luffy during his sunrise-to-sunset training sessions and tending to the near endless stream of sick and injured prisoners, the little doctor had his hooves very full. He’d barely stopped moving since he arrived with Tama, O-Kiku, and of all people, Big Mom. His anxiety surrounding that terrible woman still hadn’t subsided despite the fact that she’d been taken from Udon three days ago, now.

Truthfully, Chopper hadn’t even slept more than a few brief power naps here and there. He shuffled about the literal hole in the wall he’d turned into a makeshift infirmary, mixing tonics, changing bandages, setting bones, stitching wounds… The prisoners were in terrible shape. It didn’t matter what they’d done to be imprisoned, Chopper couldn’t justify allowing people to work day in and day out with so little food and water, with broken bones and serious illnesses. Leaving them this way went against everything he believed in as a doctor. So he’d begun taking them in to treat them while Luffy was out training with Hyogoro. If his Captain insisted on staying in Udon to train, Chopper was going to at least make himself useful in the meantime.

But Chopper hadn’t planned on staying in Udon so long. He hadn’t known he was going to set up shop in a blown-out prison cell and treat hundreds and hundreds of badly injured prisoners. He hadn’t planned on being on 24-hour call for an intense week of Luffy pushing himself to his limits every day, stopping only to eat, sleep, or have injuries treated - and only that when Chopper forced him. The doctor was woefully underprepared for the amount of work that had been dropped into his lap. Makeshifting casts, keeping water boiling constantly to sterilize equipment, shredding apart old prison uniforms for thread to stitch people back together… He was constantly trying to problem-solve. Constantly digging into every corner of his medical knowledge.

Chopper was an anxious guy. He didn’t like to admit it, but he also knew it wasn’t a very well-kept secret. He did do his best to manage it, though. And for the most part, especially when his medical expertise was needed, he kept it in check. But once in a great while, when things became too much, when he was under too much stress, he’d notice a tremor in his hooves while he worked. He’d get sloppy. So, three days into this unexpected escapade, with heat bearing down on him, with no end to the injured prisoners in sight, with Luffy returning to the cave each evening with new medical problems to solve, with Big Mom basically gift-wrapped and given to Kaido as a present, without more than half an hour of sleep at a time, Chopper realized he was beginning to spiral. His hoof trembled so violently, he missed the test tube rack and the tube of elixir he’d been working on clattered to the ground. Luckily, it didn’t break. But he’d have to remix the concoction.

It was the first telltale sign that things were about to go horribly wrong.

Now is not the time… He’d had a feeling this would happen. And he knew if he didn’t slow down and rest, it would become a problem. But there was simply too much to do. Too many people needed him. He couldn’t just stop. He’d suffer for it later, certainly. But for now, Chopper settled for a deep breath and the closest thing to encouragement he could muster for himself: Keep going. You’re a doctor. You can’t rest until your patients can rest.

As the hours passed, the tremor in his grip grew worse. Sounds, even quiet ones, became grating. Instructions for patients became sharper, his bedside manner suffering. As the sun began to set, he found himself scrubbing his hooves across his eyes, willing them to stay open.

Patient in.

Set broken bone.

Instruct on care.

Patient out.

Patient in.

Give tonic.

Instruct on care.

Patient out.

Repeat ad infinitum.

Word had gotten around the entire prison complex that a doctor was present and willing to help anyone in need and it seemed no one was letting that opportunity slip by. He only stopped treating prisoners whenever Luffy came in. And as soon as Luffy was ready to go - or asleep for the night - Chopper was back to the prisoners. 

But with the setting sun came less heat and marginally fewer prisoners. Maybe, Chopper thought, once Luffy goes to sleep, I can sneak away for a few minutes and calm down…

As the last light of the day was waning, and Chopper was pulling an abscessed tooth for a deeply suffering young man in scraps that could only loosely be called “clothes,” a familiar voice rang through the infirmary.

“Aaaahhh, I’m beat! I still haven’t figured it out, but I’m getting close. I can feel it.”

Chopper knew Luffy wasn’t really looking for a response. Sometimes the Captain just needed to speak his thoughts into the universe, as if he was filling it in on his progress towards conquering it. He kept his focus on his dental patient, who was rubbing his tender jaw, now free of one terribly messed up tooth.

Chopper handed him a vial.

“Rinse your mouth out every day with this, and try not to eat on that side of your mouth. If food gets stuck in the hole where your tooth used to be, it can cause problems.”

The young man nodded, “Thank you, Doctor!” He hurried from the infirmary.

Finally, Chopper turned to look at his Captain. “Luffy, how are you doing? Any more injuries?”

Luffy was lounging on the ground, digging his pinky into his ear absently. “Nah, not tonight. I’ve been fine since you put my shoulder back in place at lunchtime.”

Chopper sighed, exhausted, overwhelmed, “That’s good. You should still take it easy, though.”

Luffy smiled, “I know! I didn’t do too many punches with that side afterward. Only a few.”

That was the best Chopper could expect, honestly.

As he continued his work, scuttering around the cell, Chopper couldn’t help but notice Luffy was watching him. Not only that, he was watching him quietly. It made his anxiety even worse. Why was he watching him so intently? How was he supposed to focus with such a strong presence just staring at him all the time? He turned, “Is there something you need, Luffy?”

Luffy was watching him with a slight frown and stern gaze.

Chopper became acutely aware of how hard his hoof was trembling as he held his latest vial of medicine.

“Chopper. What’s wrong?”

Luffy’s voice was dark and unyielding. He could obviously tell something was off.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just a little tired.”

“So rest.”

“I can’t. There’s too much to do. Too many people need my help.”

“They can wait.”

“It’s shameful for a doctor to make his patients wait.”

Luffy’s frown deepened and he grumbled under his breath, but didn’t say anything. Chopper assumed he’d won the battle for now and continued his work. 

As he mixed another batch of elixir for the stomach problems that seemed to plague the prisoners at an epidemic level, likely thanks to the unclean water supply, he felt far more self-conscious than he typically did when performing medical work. Luffy was clearly still boring a hole in his back with his eyes. 

A younger Chopper might be nervous about messing up in front of his Captain - scared of seeming inadequate and Luffy losing faith in him. But he was not his younger self. He wasn’t worried about failing to treat someone in need. He could cure anything. He knew that fact as if it was written alongside the diagrams in his medical manuals. Given enough time and supplies, his care was second to none.

Instead, the calculating eye of his Captain became another sensory input his mind had to contend with while he worked.

It was becoming too much. All of it.

There was dust on his flasks.

Prisoners were shouting outside the infirmary.

The fire was dying, he needed to rekindle it.

There was dust on his flasks.

Luffy was staring at him.

His hooves were shaking as he measured and poured.

He was too hot.

He was thirsty.

Dirt, grime, and blood were all caked into his fur, tugging.

There was dust on his flasks.

Luffy was staring at him.

Prisoners were shouting.

Rekindle the fire.

Tugging fur.

Shaking hooves.

Dust.

Shouting.

Luffy.

Fire.

Thirsty.

Hot.

Tugging.

Shaking.

Dust.

Dust.

“Doctor?”

Chopper jumped at the unfamiliar voice, the flask and vial he was holding dropping from his trembling grasp. He scrunched his eyes closed, bracing for the sound of breaking glass.

It didn’t come.

“Chopper.”

Luffy.

His Captain’s voice was barely above a whisper.

Chopper cracked his eyes open to see Luffy had soundlessly moved to Chopper’s side, easily catching the glassware in his wide, calloused hand, not letting anything spill. He gently placed them in their proper spots on the makeshift stone table.

Chopper was frozen. The addition of a new patient, whatever stranger had called out to him, was too much. Too overwhelming. He had too much to do. Too many things to deal with at once, all important, all pressing, all urgent. He couldn’t move. He swore he could feel his blood pulsing in his veins. His skin felt tight, restricting. His mind was screaming at him. Too much. Too much.

From the edge of his vision, he saw Luffy stand between him and the new patient.

“What do you need?” He asked the man quietly. Far quieter than was typical for the boisterous captain, but notably still loud enough for Chopper to hear.

“Oh…” The prisoner shuffled his feet, glanced at Chopper, looked back at Luffy, “Well, I think I dislocated my elbow…”

Chopper winced, tensed, prepared to move.

Luffy held up a hand without looking at him; Wait. He held his other hand out to the prisoner. “Let me see.”

The prisoner tentatively, gingerly reached his arm forward, straining with the pain. Luffy carefully took his elbow in his hands, ran featherlight fingers across the joint, pondering carefully. “Yeah, it’s dislocated. But I can fix it.” He turned just slightly towards Chopper, “I’ve done this one on myself before.”

Everything in Chopper told him to move, to take over the patient. He was the doctor, not Luffy. There was no reason why his Captain should have to step in when it was Chopper’s duty to care for people. He turned and took a single step toward Luffy and the prisoner.

Instantly, Luffy’s head snapped in his direction just enough for Chopper to make eye contact with him. A wave of gentle pressure washed over him. He knew this feeling. It was Luffy’s haki. But it was much softer than usual. Instead of the stifling, choking insistence to submit, to kneel, to bow, there was a tenderness. Rather than an ear-splitting demand , there was a fervent request. 

Wait.

Chopper could withstand Luffy’s haki. Frankly, he wasn’t sure if that was because of his own willpower or if it was because Luffy was careful to never impose his full will in the vicinity of Chopper. But either way, if he truly wanted to, he could move through the aura and step in. But he was also very tired, very overwhelmed, and very unwilling to fight his Captain.

He waited.

Luffy turned back to the prisoner.

“I can fix it,” He repeated. “I’m sorry, this isn’t going to feel great.” He waited until the prisoner tentatively nodded, then, with one quick, precise motion, snapped the elbow into alignment. Luffy held the man’s arm firmly in place while he yelped and swore at the rough collision of bone.

“Don’t use it for a while. Let it rest.” Luffy reached over and pulled a strip of fabric from the pile of recycled uniforms. He tied it around the man’s neck and helped him loop his arm through. Satisfied with his simple sling, he nodded to the man. “Now please leave.”

He followed the man out as he went.

Chopper still didn’t move. Couldn’t. But the few moments of not needing to deal with another patient gave him a much-needed opportunity to breathe.

After a moment, he heard Luffy shouting.

“No more doctor today! Come back tomorrow!”

That got Chopper moving. “What?! No! Luffy!” He scurried toward the entrance of the cell, but Luffy was already dragging a huge rock in front of the opening. It didn’t fully cover the entrance, but it was enough to signal to everyone around that they were no longer welcome in the little infirmary. 

Just before he finished sliding the rock over, effectively sealing himself and Chopper in, Luffy stuck his head out, “And be quiet!” And with that, the rock was in place and Luffy was inside with him, dusting off his hands in satisfaction.

“Luffy, what are you doing? I need to help those people!” Chopper desperately wanted to be done with patients for the day, but it was simply not possible. Not when there were so many people who still needed help.

“None of them are gonna die before morning. They can wait.”

“No, Luffy! I need to help them now! ” He stormed towards the doorway. He might be able to move the rock in Arm Point form. Or if not, he at least could squeeze out from between the rocks to treat people outside. The sun was set, so it wasn’t so hot anymore. He could handle it.

But Luffy placed a hand on his head, stopping him.

“No.”

The order was firm. Final. He’d used his ‘I’m-the-Captain’ voice.

Chopper frowned at him. “Why are you stopping me?”

“You’re too tired.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not.”

“I am. ”

“Don’t lie to me, Chopper.”

Chopper snapped his mouth shut.

“I can tell you’re not okay.” He continued, “I thought you were sleeping at night, just falling asleep later than me and waking up earlier, but you’re not.”

It wasn’t a question. Luffy simply knew.

“I don’t have time to sleep, Luffy. These people need treatment. You need treatment.”

Luffy’s frown furrowed into a scowl. “No. I looked. Everyone out there is fine until morning. And from now on, you’re only checking me once a day, in the evening after I’m done training.”

“What? Luffy you can’t be serious! You hurt yourself constantly-”

“ Captain’s orders. ”

“But-”

“ Chopper! ”

There was no room for argument. But this was unacceptable. He couldn’t just order Chopper to not treat injured people. To not treat him.

Luffy must have sensed this apprehension as he spoke again, “I will be more careful. I won’t push myself so hard. And I will tell the prisoners to limit their visits to the daytime.”

Chopper was growing desperate. What if someone’s illness grew worse? What if a wound became infected? What if someone died while he was sleeping the night away? He tensed his hooves, planted himself firmly in the ground, mustering up the courage to defy his Captain. He felt hot, angry tears well up in his eyes at even the thought of it. But he had to stand his ground. The prisoners needed help.

“You can’t stop me from helping sick and injured people, Luffy.”

Luffy’s expression softened, lips quirked in thought. He closed the distance between them and crouched down to Chopper’s level.

“I’ll never stop you from treating someone who really needs it. If there’s an emergency in the middle of the night, I’ll wake you up myself if I need to.” He reached out and placed gentle hands on Chopper’s small shoulders. “But you have to rest, Chopper.”

“What kind of doctor will I be if I sleep while there are people to help?”

“What kind of doctor will you be if you’re so tired you hurt someone you’re trying to help?”

Chopper froze.

Luffy held his gaze in firm, unyielding certainty, “You dropped medicine and all that guy did was speak to you.”

The implication was clear. If he’d had that reaction while holding a scalpel, or stitching a wound...

Disaster. Life-threatening disaster. He could never call himself a true doctor in good conscience ever again.

“You are the only doctor here, Chopper, and you’re the best doctor there is,” he said with a soft squeeze of his shoulders, “You can’t get sick or hurt or too tired. Especially when we have to face Kaido soon. I need you at your best. ”

Chopper frowned, his lip quivering, distraught at the thought that he could’ve hurt someone, or let his Captain down so astronomically.

“I need you,” he repeated, “and this isn’t you. ”

Luffy’s eyes were hard, but pleading, worried, his brow knitted together in tense concern. Chopper realized the endless avalanche of anxiety and urgent tasks tumbling in his head like boulders had eased substantially with his focus honed in on Luffy. He took a deep breath and sighed it out.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Luffy’s face relaxed and he brought his hands to his knees, but didn’t rise just yet. Instead, he cocked his head, “Can you tell me what’s going on? I’ve never seen you like this. I can feel something’s off.”

Chopper scrubbed his hooves across his face again, “Sometimes, when I’m too stressed out, the world around me becomes overwhelming. It happens more often when I’m tired. I notice too many things at once but can’t decide how to handle them. I get really short-tempered and light and sounds become almost painful. So I freeze up. It doesn’t happen frequently, but…”

Luffy nodded, seeming to understand. He rose and dropped a hand to Chopper’s head, thumbing the soft fuzz of his antler.

“Rest tonight. Tama and O-Kiku are making food. I’ll bring you some.”

Chopper shifted back and forth on his feet, anxiety creeping up and threatening to swallow him whole.

Luffy pressed his thumb firmly into Chopper’s antler, not hard enough to hurt, but it got his attention, “I promise I will not let anything happen to any of the prisoners while you rest. And if there’s an emergency, I’ll come get you. Rest. ”

With that, he turned and left the cell, slipping past the huge rock.

And Chopper was alone.

For the first time, he realized the shouting outside had disappeared. There was no one else in the cell. The fire was low. It was quiet and dark, save for the low murmur of outside conversation and the occasional crackle of dying embers.

He sighed, took stock of himself, and made a mental list of what he needed to do to compose himself.

Drink water.

Bathe.

Change clothes.

Eat food.

Rebuild the fire.

Prep the glassware and tools for tomorrow.

Sleep.

He sighed again and stepped up to the barrel of clean water, taking several big gulps. He stripped down and used a cloth to rinse all the dirt and blood out of his fur and off his hooves, then changed into fresh clothes he’d had the clarity of thought to pack in his bag. By the time he was slipping his clean shirt over his head, he heard Luffy entering the cell again, carrying two bowls of food. One was a slightly larger than average portion. The other was... Luffy’s portion.

“Food’s ready!” He called cheerily, flashing a smile that was all teeth and joy. He sat the bowls by the dying fire. Chopper moved to start rebuilding it, but Luffy held up a hand, “I’ve got it. Sit and eat.”

Chopper couldn't recall a time when he’d seen Luffy postpone eating for anything. He sat by the fire and took a few bites of food, watching Luffy with rapt bewilderment.

Luffy must have been tired and sore after training all day. But he effortlessly scooped up several large pieces of wood from the pile of scrap they’d gathered, tucking them under his arm as if he were grocery shopping. He sat them by the fire and hauled the huge barrel of water off the makeshift metal grate above the firepit to give himself room to work. After a few minutes of adding wood and stoking the flames, the fire was roaring again.

“You’re keeping the fire going to boil water, right?” Luffy glanced over his shoulder at Chopper.

Chopper nodded, his mouth full of dumplings, “Mm-hm. To sterilize my equipment.”

“Got it.” Luffy nodded and smiled. He brought up the smaller barrel Chopper had been using to boil water, filled it up, and set it over the fire. While it heated up, he made his way around the infirmary, letting Chopper direct him to what equipment needed cleaning. Soon, the water was boiling and Luffy carefully dunked everything in. Only then did he sit down and bring his plate of food up to his lap, now doubtlessly gone cold.

“Food time!” He grinned and shoveled all the food down his throat at once, topping it off with a satisfied burp. 

Chopper was only just finishing up his own plate, grateful Luffy had thought to bring him more than he’d normally eat. He likely noticed Chopper hadn’t eaten much in the last few days on top of not sleeping.

Luffy cocked his head and glanced at the boiling barrel of glassware and medical tools. “How long do they need to boil?”

“Not long. Only another minute or so.”

After a moment, Luffy rose and stretched, “Okay! Time to get all the doctor stuff out for Chopper!”

“Wait!”

Luffy froze, hand hovering above the barrel.

“Your hands are dirty, Luffy. Touching them like that defeats the purpose of sterilizing them in the first place.”

“Oh. Right.” He seemed to think for a beat, then laughed through his teeth, “I’ll just sterilize my hands, too!” And dunked his hands straight into the boiling water, “Ahh! It’s hot!!” He scrunched his face up in pain, but held his hands firmly in the water

Chopper shrieked, “Luffy, you idiot!! Take your hands out of there!! I have soap! ”

Luffy pulled his hands from the water, now shiny and red, the same way they appeared in his Second Gear form, and held them up in the air, “No need!” He piped, “All clean!” And he carefully pulled each piece of equipment from the barrel and placed it where Chopper instructed, as any time Chopper tried to get up and help, a rubbery hand or foot would stretch over and pat him back down in his seat. Rest.

It was only now that Chopper realized there hadn’t really been much need to sterilize his equipment if Luffy wasn’t going to allow anymore patients tonight. He’d need to re-clean everything in the morning after it sat out in the cell regardless. But it did result in the area now being much tidier and easier to navigate. It took a big weight of anxiety off Chopper’s shoulders.

Finally, once everything was clean and put away, Luffy stretched, yawned, and turned to Chopper, “Okay! Bedtime!”

Chopper sighed, resigned to the fact that Luffy was simply not going to allow him to work anymore. “Alright.”

Luffy sprawled out on the ground, head on the bundle of prison clothes he used as a pillow, and patted his chest; A signal to Chopper. He was offering their usual naptime routine.

Chopper couldn’t turn that down. It was one of his favorite activities.

He scurried over and crawled up on top of Luffy, laying his back against his chest. Luffy tucked one arm behind his head and brought the other one down around Chopper, hand resting in the fur of his belly. They often napped on the Sunny like this when the weather was warm and waves calm. It was Chopper’s favorite way to relax.

Luffy carded his fingers through Chopper’s thick fur, rubbing soothing circles, and hummed quietly. Chopper didn’t recognize the song - Luffy could be making it up for all he knew - but it was soft and pleasant. He closed his eyes and matched his breathing to Luffy’s, a habit he picked up anytime he was anxious. If stress was beginning to overwhelm him, he’d find one of the calm members of the crew, usually Zoro, Sanji, or Robin, but sometimes Luffy if he wasn’t bouncing off the walls, and match his breathing to theirs. It helped him focus.

Before long, he could feel the weight of exhaustion dragging his mind down into sleep, coerced by the soft press of Luffy’s palm against his stomach.

The next day was desperately busy, and Chopper found himself feeling overwhelmed again. He was better equipped to manage it, being less tired and less hungry, but the sun was hotter and the prisoners were restless today. At some point, the stress and commotion at the infirmary must have become noticeable because Chopper heard Luffy stop training.

“I’ll be back in a minute, Pops!”

Chopper glanced over his shoulder as Luffy stepped into the cell.

“Luffy, I’m busy, what do you need?”

“How can I help?”

Chopper froze and looked up at Luffy fully. He knew telling him to leave wouldn’t work. He thought about all the things that needed to be done, and tried to choose a few things he could trust Luffy to do. “That man over there needs his bandages changed. And the older man beside him needs a vial of stomach tonic. It’s on the rock to your left. The amber liquid.”

Luffy nodded and hurried to his new tasks.

They worked together that way for a while, Chopper delegating the simpler tasks to Luffy. Patients were leaving the infirmary a little faster.

But even still, by the time the afternoon was coming to a close, Chopper was busier than ever and he found himself feeling overwhelmed. His hooves, holding vials he was combining the contents of, stilled as he remembered what Luffy had said. Anxiety clawed up his spine at the prospect of making a mistake thanks to his own exhaustion or being too slow.

His grip shuddered.

“Chopper.” Luffy must have noticed again. He stepped up beside Chopper, “Is it happening again?”

Chopper barely nodded, trying desperately to shake the deafening fog from his head.

Instantly, he felt Luffy’s haki again, a wash of careful force surrounding him. It was stronger than the day before, but still not unpleasant. Every thought and anxiety in Chopper’s mind emptied out and was replaced with a quiet command.

Breathe.

He took a deep breath. Then another. The shaking in his hooves stilled. He turned and looked at Luffy.

Luffy was looking at him with a firm insistence. The haki hadn’t dissipated. “What needs to be done?”

Chopper thought for a moment, mind blessedly cleared by the inexorable will of his Captain. “I need all the stuff to my right cleaned and sterilized. We could use more clean water soon. The man with the tattoo needs his broken leg set. The two boys to the left need these injections. There are other things, but those are the most pressing matters.”

Luffy nodded, “You handle the leg and the injections. I can do the rest.”

The haki dispersed, and as Luffy moved to leave the cell to begin his new list of tasks, Chopper mustered up the energy to make one last request, “Captain?”

Luffy turned, “Hm?”

“Can you tell all those guys outside to quiet down?”

Luffy shot him a thumbs-up and a wide grin, “Yeah!”

His Captain left and, as he listened to Luffy shouting at the rowdy prisoners to ‘pipe down while the doctor’s working,’ he found himself smiling. He was anxious, but it was manageable.