Work Text:
Kenma's POV
"I'll be back at around eight or something."
"That's pretty early, sir"
"Early for you, babe. You always stay up til two AM, twelve if you wanna sleep 'early'. Don't worry I promise I'll come back as soon as possible and stay in bed with you as long as you want."
"Okay okay, hurry up and get to work, Kuroo."
"You're gonna have to stop calling me that, you're gonna be a 'Kuroo' too soon." His hand covered my face and the cold gold of the ring felt foreign, but nice.
"Oh shut up and stop that." I tried pushing him off of me, but we both knew he was the physically stronger one, but it wasn't bad to tease him once in a while like that.
"I swear I'll be back faster than you can finish an entire game." His stupid little wink is what really caught me there, but it's really too early to deal with this shit.
"Wanna bet on that?"
"Not really. Bye, love you!"
"Love you too." And finally I was in the house alone again. Time to clean, maybe stream around five? And...spend time with Kuroo when he gets home. God I love him so much, but I can't tell him the extent of it, he'd totally never let it go if I did.
Everything seemed blurry as the day continued, but I didn't mind. It was already nine, shouldn't he be home by now? He's busy, I don't wanna bother him. Maybe just one call. Ringringring.
"Miss me already, Kitten~"Ah, he answered, I didn't expect him to actually.
"Shut up it's been fourteen hours. Where are you?"
"Awhhh are you worried about me?"
"Kuroo, I swear to God I'm gonna move out."
"We both know you can't leave me that easily."
"What about you. Looks like you did it pretty easily."
"Oh shut up. I'm on my way home."
"I'm gonna go to bed, better be there when I wake up, 'kay?"
"Oh really? It's only nine and you're sleeping already? That's rare."
"I have a meeting at like five tomorrow, I have to wake up at three thirty, four if I want to push it."
"Alright, well goodnight, Kitten. Love you~"
"I- I love you too." I changed into clean(er) clothes and jumped into bed, then everything went black and still.
That stupid alarm. "Kuroo, are you up? Kuroo?" My eyes were still shut, but I was still awake, barely. I tried stretching my arms everywhere on the bed as I slapped each and every space, but there was no sense of warmth.
My eyes felt heavy and tired, but I couldn't sleep. No matter how tired I was, how exhausted I became, I stayed awake. Not when you could come back to me at any moment. I let myself go for a bit, but a ear piercing noise woke me up, ruining the silence of the solitary room I sat in. I didn't even think before I picked my phone up and answered.
"Morning, Kenma-kun."
"Ah Daichi-san, morning."
"Sounds like you didn't sleep last night."
"Haven't for the past two or three days actually, can't exactly get sleep when Kuroo's still out there."
"Speaking about Kuroo, you're gonna have to come to the police station in an hour or so."
"You found new details about him?"
"Yeah...we did. Start getting ready, and don't fall asleep at the wheel, okay?"
"Yeah yeah. I understand. Later."
"Later." After the screen turned off, a sense of hope kindled a bit in my heart.
"Sorry I had you come here at such an early hour, Kenma-kun."
"It's fine. As long we're getting closer to finding Kuroo."
"Yeah." The rest of the walk to the room stayed quiet as I started to fidget with the golden ring on my finger. I didn't want to hear a single word, not until the information is right in front of me. He brought me into a room with some old policeman as he stood at a table with a bunch of papers and photos. I was a bit nervous, but excited. My heart couldn't stop beating, the possibility of finding Kuroo is getting closer and closer to me.
"Kozume-san."
"Did you find him?" I didn't care about introductions or anything. It's a yes or no question, I needed to know, now.
"Kozume-san...we did find him, but-"
"Where is he? Is he safe? Please take me to him!" My heart beated faster than earlier, faster than it's ever beated in my life. After days of no sleep, I was exhausted and I just wanted to see him again.
"Kozume-san listen. We did find him but, he's in a coma. He had seven broken ribs and a fractured arm. He's suffering with some brain trauma due to the injuries...and that's all we know so far."
"But...he's safe. He'll live, right? He's gonna live. He's gonna wake up, I know he will. No way in Hell he's gonna die from a few broken bones and a coma. No...no fucking way." I could feel the tears forming in my eyes, but I didn't care. He was gonna live. He wasn't gonna die on my watch. I didn't even know it, but I was already walking out of the room, not listening to Daichi-san or the other policeman calling for me. Next thing I knew, I was in the car driving somewhere, maybe our apartment? The nearest hospital? Who knows, because I don't. My phone dinged as I arrived at a red stop light before going onto the highway.
From Daichi-san:
XX Hospital and Research Center You'll find him there.
I didn't have time to respond, but I did have time to turn the car around and go to the hospital. I had more than enough time. I switched lane through lane, desperately driving past several cars just to get to the exit of the highway and back onto the main road. The only thought running through my head was I need to see him. The drive was quicker than I expected, but parking was the thing that really pissed me off. Every parking spot was taken, from the parking lot outside of the small clinic, to the four story parking garage near the main building. Crowded, crowded, crowded. Taken, taken, taken. Finally, fucking finally, one single car left from a spot on the fourth and top outdoor lot. I probably broke several road laws just trying to get a single space to park my car, but it was worth it. And that should be the least of my worries right now. My only priority was to see Kuroo. Nothing more, nothing less. Walking into the actual building and getting to the desk was all a blur that I just lived through. But as I approached the room they told me he stayed in, it felt like everything stopped. Why was it taking so long to reach him? Why does he feel so far away when there was just a door in between us? A random figure walked past by me and into the room as if I didn't exist, or so I thought. After what felt like forever, that random figure came back and finally noticed me.
"Sorry, sir, but Kuroo-san isn't in the proper condition for visitors currently."
"Just let me see him," All of a sudden another doctor came out to take the other back into the room without a single thought, glance, or care for me. "Let me see him! I just need to see if he's safe! PLEASE!" I was practically begging shamelessly at this point, as if they'd actually listen to me. After I sat down at a nearby bench, the same figure came back in front of me.
"If I may ask, what's your relationship with Kuroo-san?" The question made me panic a bit as I started to play with the ring again.
"Um, my...my fiance."
"I can let you see him, but please, make sure you're ready because we don't know what'll happen for the next few days."
"What? What do you mean?"
"He had severe internal bleeding, and one of his heartstrings broke. Along with all the stress physically and mentally, we don't know if-"
"He's gonna live."
"Sir, these injuries are way too severe and the fact he's still in a coma still stands. If you have any...anything to say to him, do it now."
"I'll tell him when he wakes up, because he's not gonna let a stupid coma stop him from living."
"Okay, sir. You can see him for a bit right now, you don't have to say goodbye."
"Thank you," Even though it was just a few steps back to the door, I felt tired and drained already. Probably due to the fact I haven't slept and I'm emotionally drained as hell, but that didn't matter. I didn't lose focus on what mattered. Kuroo...Tetsurou. TetsurouTetsurouTetsurou. I never had the courage to call him by his first name, so why am I doing it now? Because he's half dead? Because he can't hear me? When I opened the door, I wanted to leave right away, but I couldn't I couldn't leave him. He was pale and bruised everywhere. He looked like he was in indescribable pain, something no one but him could ever feel. "Tetsu, wake up for me soon, okay?" I could only mutter out those stupid choices of words before I left the room again.
"Are you gonna be okay?"
"I'll be fine, just worry on your playing, Shoyo-kun"
"You haven't gotten a full night's sleep or a nap for almost six days now. Don't you think it's time to rest?"
"I got eight hours of sleep."
"Last night, or in total?"
"..."
"Kenma, take some time off. Your eyebags are getting darker and darker like each hour, plus you have coffee cans everywhere. Don't worry, I can clean up while you get some rest."
"Shoyo, you don't have to. I can help you."
"No you need your rest. He's safe right? You know he's gonna live, you're not the only one who's cheering him on. You can take a break, he's healing."
"But...I can't it's fi-"
"Is there something else bugging you? Besides..y'know."
"It's the only thing bugging me. I can't get a wink of sleep because of this. Every time I close my eyes he's...he's there, but he always leaves. He leaves me. I just want him to stay, he's...I don't think he'll be okay. I keep telling myself he's gonna be fine, but I know, I know damn well he's not gonna be okay. He's in too much pain, so much pain, and I can't do anything. I don't want him to be alone... I don't want him to leave me alone."
"Kenma, get some sleep and wait it out is all I can say. Things are...unpredictable right now, and I don't know how to help you either. All I can do is make sure you're okay, right? Get some rest, if you try to help me clean, I'll find someone else to sponsor me." Ah, that's right. I'm not gonna be alone.
Red and Black. It was all I could I see. Your body glowed a pure white as a blotch of red surround you, the black threatening to take you away. Your pretty eyes shined a burning gold, but they still seemed dead. The way the colors pierced me, made me feel closed inside myself, almost trapped. The trapped feeling started to become real as my throat started to feel tight and restrained. The painted aura of red surrounding you turned into petals as they started shielded me from you. I tried to reach out, but the white and gold were gone. You became a pile of rose red petals, the smallest bit of color in the sea of black you left me alone in. The glowing red started to fade with the scene faded to black, as I regained consciousness.
Right after the tight feeling around my throat left my body, the first word I could get out was Tetsurou. Tetsurou. Tetsurou. TetsurouTetsurouTetsurouTetsurou...and before I knew it, I was crying.
"Kenma?"
"Shoyo? Shoyo, How long was I out? What time is it? Why are you still here?"
"A good twelve hours, maybe fourteen. It's like three something AM. But that's not the point, are you okay? I'll get you some water.
"Jesus Christ...y-yeah I'm good, thanks. I just need some time to breathe a bit." I still felt isolated, even with Shoyo there next to me and in my house. I started to wipe my tears with my sleeve, ashamed of them. My chest and neck felt lighter, but my body still trembled. What was that dream?
"Bad dream? You can tell me y'know."
"Thanks," I tried to keep my hands steady as he gave me the glass of water, but I ended up spilling some. Oh well, I'll clean that later. "Did I do anything weird?"
"You were shaking and you seemed... closed off I guess? Like you were trapped in something. You were...saying his name a lot. You cried too, but I didn't want to wake you. Sorry if you-"
"It's fine, Shoyo-kun. I'm just glad I got some sleep in. That dream-- nightmare felt like it was five minutes long, when it was actually- what, half a day long?" I felt a bit better, but my eyes still burned from crying a moment ago, and my mind was still tangled in that dream.
"Heh, yeah. Look, I'm gonna stay a bit longer until you seem like you're better. Maybe not 100% of course, but-"
"Nonono, I already kept you here long enough. I'm pretty sure Kageyama-kun's gonna get mad at me."
"Ah nono not at all, I don't think he'll mind, especially with what's happening. He'll understand, and if he doesn't then I'll make him understand," That brought a chuckle out of me, just as a simple response, but it feels like the first time I've smiled for a whole week or so. "Anyways, tell me about the dream."
"Even in my dreams he...leaves. Right in front of my eyes too, but I can tell, it's not really him. His eyes weren't the same. They were the same color, same shape, same everything, but they felt...dead? The didn't give me the same bright vibes as usual. He was a pure white silhouette, surrounded by red in a sea of black. Then something started choking me, I don't know I just felt trapped a-and," My throat started to clog up with air as I started silently crying again. Shoyo gave me a look that said 'take you time' as he put my hand on his back. It felt comforting, but it didn't feel warm. "H-he got lost in the red th-then they became petals and then we was just gone," I looked at Shoyo as I finished my story, but my tears and impulse to cry only got stronger. "Shoyo, I-I..." I couldn't get any other words out of my mouth, only more sobs and tears. I felt his arms wrap around me as he started to pull me in closer for comfort, but it still felt cold.
I spent the next few weeks visiting the hospital, making sure Kuroo was at least a bit safe. Hoping one day he would wake up. Weeks became months and there was no signs showing he would wake up, but I still haven't lost hope. It took me months to realize how lonely I was without him. I couldn't bare another day without him in it. I couldn't take it anymore, he was taking too long. That thought swirled around my head every time I saw him bed ridden and in deep sleep. I stood in front of the doorway, my 89th day in a row of going to this hell of a building alone. (AN: Did I just unintentionally make it rhyme?) One step into the room, my eyes focused on the floor.
"I said I swear I'll be back? Didn't I," A familiar voice rung. No. There couldn't be a way, how? I...this is what I wanted. Why am I- "Have you finished a whole game yet?"
"N-no." I could feel the tears coming back, ones I haven't shed in months. A smile returning back to me that I haven't shown to anyone else since that one morning. I'm glad he was the first one to see it.
"What did I say again? That I'd be back before you finished a game right?" His eyes stared back at me, glowing gold once more, like the matching rings on our hands.
"Shut up. You just woke up from a three month long coma and the first thing you do is tease the hell out of me? You're an idiot."
"Well I'm your idiot, Kenma."
"Tetsurou I-"
"Well that's new~" His smile guided me towards him, and I'm glad it did. My body flew next to the bed as I took his bigger hand into mine. Next thing I knew is that I was crying again. I missed him. I missed him so much. The pure white being the only color around us this time.
"How much longer are you gonna be stuck in here?" I finally got to get a whole sentence out after 10 more minutes of crying.
"Another week or so I think. I still have to go in for checkups regularly though. Heart isn't doing as well as I thought," Even after all those days of me suffering, turns out he was the one suffering with a broken heart. My hands tighten around the hoodie I wore and tears formed in my eyes again. "Hey, hey...don't cry again. Stop crying. I'm here, right? It's going to be alright." His voice was smooth tranquil as he took me back into his arms again. It felt warm this time.
"I'm home..."
"Welcome home, how was the checkup?"
"...It was good. Is the food ready?"
"Not yet, you have time to take a bath real quick though."
"I'll go do that."
"Be back quick," The house went silent again. The sounds of the kitchen fan, food sizzling, and shower running were carried out and around the room. I finally felt complete again. 15 minutes passed, but it felt like one. The table was clean and set as he stepped out of the bedroom and sat across from me. His eyes still gold, but they felt cold, like a leaf in the fall. "Something wrong?"
"You can tell, huh?" He smiled, trying to keep himself happy, but I can tell he was just trying to cope with something.
"You just seem colder right now."
"How so?"
"No it's too embarrassing."
"Awh c'mon. I wanna see how good my kitten is at reading my mind."
"It's not about reading your mind, it's about you and reading your..." I take in a deep breath as I feel myself about to cry again. "It's in your eyes. Your eyes are your most prominent trait to focus on if someone wants to find out how you feel. At least for me."
"Heh...well ya got me," A tiny chuckle to keep the mood up moments before it was going down. "Kenma, listen. The doctor said I had more than one heartstrings broken over the last few months from stress and stuff. It's affecting the way my blood pumps and-"
"So you're leaving me? Again?"
"Kenma-"
"How long has it been?"
"Ken-"
"HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN, TETSUROU?" I think that was the first time I've yelled at him like that. God, I can't even bare to look at him right now. I bet he doesn't want to look at me right now too.
"Since last month..."
"How long...do you have?"
"A month or so if it can't be treated. They said it won't be much if it is treated, though. But if it can...maybe three months as the most...Kenma you need-"
"TETSUROU THE ONLY THING I NEED IS YOU."
"KENMA! You're...you're not the only one who needs me, I thought you understood that."
"YOU'RE THE ONE I NEED AND...and you're-- you're just gonna...leave me. Like I always feared you would." My legs couldn't stand anymore, and before I knew it, I broke down to my knees as I started crying even more. He followed to come and save me, if you can call it that.
"You know I can't change this. I would though...if...if I could... I'm sorry for the past months, saying everything was okay. I'm such a liar, aren't I?" His warm hands held me gently close to him, I couldn't be mad at him.
"Does that really matter now? I know...it's not your fault. You didn't plan any of this, you didn't expect any of this. But in the end...you're the one who's leaving me."
"Kenma, I know...I know that I've left you once already. Waiting for me must've been a nightmare. I'm sorry. I never got to say it. I know you've been broken down...you were angry...you were sad. You're angry and sad right now, I can tell. It's in your eyes too. I just wanna tell you that you're all that ever ever mattered to me."
"Sh-shut up...and save it for when you actually..."
"I know...you don't have to say it."
"I love you, by the way."
"Love you too."
I lost track of how long I cried that night.
Turns out they really couldn't do anything. Those bastards. One day he said his chest felt tight, and I just saw him lay peacefully in bed until I couldn't see those golden eyes of his anymore. It seemed like the gold ring he wore also lost it shine when he died. To have him in my life was all I ever wanted, and I feel like I took him for granted. (AN: AND I DID IT AGAIN WOOOOOO) I'm glad though. I'm glad that I got what I wanted...but it didn't get enough of it. That dreadful minute where you left me, I felt all the joy in my life leave me too. There was no way...no way in hell that I could ever comprehend this fully. The past few months have felt like a total dream, and acid trip even. I wasn't dreaming when I stood next to you on the bed as you died. I knew damn well I was wide awake, but I had a feeling you weren't really gone. I felt a tinge of anger and doubt. How...just how could you leave me when you swore that you would stay, and everyday since then has been a nightmare. When I took the time to sit down and relax I laughed at the fact this played out like a movie. A weird one at the most. No happy ending, and every dream I had was a scene that faded into black. I'm still not fully contempt with everything. I'm still waiting for you to come and save me...someday. Every single dream I've had always brings me closer to the emptiness and sadness that has come to take the place of you. And no matter what I do, nothing will never ever take the place of you. Before I knew it, my dreams were filled with those red petals that took you away.