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Tony took a sip of his coffee and scrolled on his iPad. He heard Peter munching on his cereal steadily in front of him. In the next moment the chewing stopped and Peter cleared his throat. “Hey dad?”
Tony looked up. “Yeah, kid?”
“You should marry Doctor Strange.”
Tony choked on his coffee and started coughing. Dr. Stephen Strange was one of the most annoying Super Villains Tony had ever faced. He was everything Tony hated. Magic... Yeah that was it. It didn’t help that he was an attractive and snarky asshole.
Back to his tiny son. “Why do you think I should marry him, kiddo?” Peter looked at him like he was stupid, witch Tony took full ofense from. He was a genius, playboy, AND philanthropist thank you very much.
“I want a supervillain dad!”
“Why do you want a Super villain for a dad, Pete?”
“They’re so cool!”
“Aren’t super heroes cool?”
Peter half heartedly shrugged. “I mean, they’re kinda cool, but super villains do all the really cool experiments and stuff! The super heroes only fight them and clean up their really awesome messes.”
Tony hummed. His son did make some good points. “What if I became a supervillain instead of marrying one?”
His son looked him up and down. “I dunno dad, you’re pretty bad at being.. well… bad.”
“Well, Peter, you’ve got school, and I’ve got to work on becoming a Super villain.”
Peter jut out his lip in protest. “Do I have to go dad?”
Tony nodded and got the kids shoes for him. “Of course you do. Don’t you want to go see your new friend? Ted, was it?”
Peter giggled and shook his head. “It’s Ned, dad!”
Peter was at school and now Tony was stuck thinking about what he had said. The kid was right, Super Villains were really cool. And besides, Peter was wrong about one thing. He could be great at being bad. His mind made up, he began making plans.
Tony floated above the burning building and laughed. He saw people pointing at him and shouting. Perfect. Well, it was perfect until someone yelled, “Thank you Ironman! You're such a hero! It’s really great of you to help get rid of this abandoned building, and give the firefighters somewhere safe to practice!” With that people began to cheer. Tony thinks he might have heard one or two people confess their love for him. He flew away in shame.
It just got worse after that. Burned down a produce farm and was thanked because the owners were secretly growing weed and this helped them be found out. Burned down a forest and was thanked for making more space for farming. Kidnapped a rare species of bear and was thanked because someone was planning on killing them for fur that night. Hell, he stole candy from a baby and was thanked because the child had a life threatening allergy to something in the candy that would have killed them. Why was being bad so goddamn hard?
Tony sighed from his position on top of a building. He heard a portal open next to him and sighed again.
“What are you doing, Stark?”
“Oh you know, mopping.”
Strange sighed. “And why are you mopping, Stark?”
Tony groaned and sat up. “Because I suck at being bad!”
Strange raised an eyebrow. “What brought this on?”
Tony sighed again. “It’s stupid really. My son, Peter, said I should marry you because he wanted a super villain for a dad, so I decided to become a super villain, but I keep getting praised for my dastardly acts!”
Stephen laughed.
“Don’t laugh at me!”
“I can’t help it, Stark, you're ridiculous. You can’t force villainy, it has to come naturally.”
Tony let out a hum and looked Stephen up and down. “Would it be evil to make out with the sorcerer supreme on top of my own building?”
Strange looked him up and down and smirked. “You know, I think it’s worth a try.”
“Ironman you’re such a hero, converting Doctor Strange to the side of good with the power of love!” Tony groaned and banged his head against the wall while his asshole sorcerer boyfriend laughed at his pain.