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Goddesses damn it. I don’t know when it happened, but at some point he got taller. And his shoulders got broader. He started looking as strong as he actually was, instead of weirdly hiding it in his pint sized awkward preteen body. And his hair got a little too long, because fuck if anyone on this ship knew how to give a haircut. But I kind of liked it that way. His bangs dangled into his eyes, that I swear had gotten bluer, in a face that had gotten less chubby and youthful, and more...
Well, fuck it. I’ll just say it. He got hot all of a sudden.
I guess, since I knew him since he was a twelve year old dweeb with a high pitched voice that cracked like he was gonna cry every time he was even a little bit upset, it snuck up on me. I was so busy thinking of him as the snot nosed little loser he was when we first met, that I didn’t notice he was undergoing metamorphosis all weirdly into a good looking guy. And then one day I noticed, all of a sudden, like his handsomeness punched me in the face or something.
So I did what I thought any red blooded teen girl would do in this situation. The natural thing. The obvious thing.
I hadn’t known my mom long. She died when I was young. But she was a no nonsense pirate captain, and she taught me a few things. One of them was, if a boy hits you, you hit back. And if he was hitting me with his weirdly effortless charm—he probably didn’t notice his own hotness since he never noticed much of anything—I’d have to put up a fight of my own, right back at him.
I went down to the galley that day, to grab dinner, but he was standing in my way and taking too long. Normally I would’ve been patient. But I couldn’t be. Not anymore. Instead, I elbowed him in the side with more force than I probably should’ve.
“Move it. We ain’t got all day here.”
He sped up and grabbed his food and went to sit where he always sat. I grabbed my food and sat down right next to him. I gave him a look. He didn’t seem to notice. He acted just the same as before.
I’d have to try harder next time.
Every day, I did all I could to get his attention, all I could to make him notice how I wanted things between us to change. I pushed him and shoved him. I called him stupid and weird and dweeby whenever I had the opportunity. I yanked on his ear, playfully at first, then harder. I kicked him in the shin once, even though I can’t even remember what it was about. It went on for months, but it didn’t work.
Nothing did.
In fact, it seemed like he was growing further away from me instead of closer. He and I used to steal away moments of our free time just to hang out together whenever we could. But now when I sat down next to him, he’d flinch. I’d ask him about how his day was and he wouldn’t even have an answer. He seemed more interested in tracing his fingers along the worn wood of the ship than talking to or even looking at me.
And then came the day when we stopped on an island, to take a break from sailing, and get fresh supplies, and all that. I went to do all the shit I was responsible for as captain, and he went... I didn’t know where. But the next time I saw him, he was with some girl.
I don’t know how it happened. I don’t know what she said or did to him that I somehow couldn’t. Maybe it was because she had pretty red hair and delicately pale skin. Maybe it was because she had a dainty girly figure instead of ending up being all weirdly stocky like I’d ended up from all the physical labor I had to do on the ship. Maybe her boobs were bigger than mine. Maybe I wasn’t pretty enough. Or pretty at all. Maybe I wasn’t good enough for him.
I mean, I couldn’t have been good enough for him.
Because he was kissing her and not me.
I stormed over there. The two of them pulled apart as soon as they saw me. The girl literally ran away, like she thought I was gonna hurt her. She didn’t even say goodbye to him. And he... just looked up at me like he was sad. As if he had any right to be sad.
I did something I hadn’t done since my mom was still alive. Something that not even the evil that was Ganondorf or Bellum could make me do. But he did. I started crying.
He looked stunned, too stunned to react. He sat there staring up at me, his mouth in a straight line, his eyes huge. He didn’t say anything at first. But then, after a moment, he just kind of blurted out his standard cluelessness.
“I... sorry?!?”
“You should be,” I said through my tears. “You should be.”
“I am,” he stammered. “But why?”
“What do you mean why?!”
“Why do you care?” He backpedaled a bit, his speech speeding up as he did. “I mean, I know you care about me. I know we’ve been through a lot. I know I could trust you with my life like you’ve had to trust me with yours. But you’re mad at me lately for some reason. And I don’t know why. I thought we’d seen enough together that we’d always be... I thought we were destined to... I thought... by now... we’d always be best friends?” Now he looked ready to cry too. “What did I do?”
I breathed in deeply, trying to calm myself. How did I even start to explain? I guessed I’d tell him the same way I told it to myself.
“You got... tall. And strong. And really, really cute. And you’re the nicest person I’ve ever met, and even when you’re kinda dumb and naive it’s sweet, and... and you’re my hero.” I swallowed hard. “And you were kissing some girl we don’t even know. Instead of me.”
His eyes got even bigger than they already got from before. And his mouth dropped open a little. And he turned a little red.
“Um. Are you trying to say you wanted me to be kissing you?” he asked.
“Of course, you dumbass! I’ve been flirting with you for weeks!”
“You have?! I really thought, uh, you were mad at me.”
“Of course not! How could I be mad at you?”
“That’s what I was wondering,” he said.
“Well, I wasn’t.” I sat down on the bench next to him, where what’s her face had been. “Maybe I just assumed it was a given that we’d end up with each other, after everything that’s happened? Maybe I just... assumed I had first dibs?”
“You definitely always had first dibs,” he said, his voice soft. “But you never called dibs. If you called dibs, you would’ve had ‘em.”
I sighed. “I guess I don’t actually know how to flirt, do I?”
“Well, no, but it’s not like you ever had anyone to talk to about that stuff before. No one to teach you.” He shifted in his seat. “I mean, neither did I?”
“Yeah...” I sighed again, and leaned over to him, putting my head on his shoulder. “So are you gonna get around to it, or what? We don’t have all day here.”
“Get around to wha—oh.”
And then he finally, finally put two and two together. And he kissed me.
His lips were chapped and dry and kind of scratchy. And he smelled the way a barrel of formerly fresh drinking water does when it’s been on the ship for months growing algae in it. I probably did too. As pirates, it wasn’t like we were pinnacles of hygiene. And neither of us knew how to kiss, even though he might’ve a little bit more than I did. It was sloppy and we looked stupid.
But it was the happiest I’d ever been.
“Thanks,” I said after, not really knowing what else to say.
“Uh, you’re welcome. And if you want anything else like that ever, just ask using your big girl words.”
I elbowed him in the side again, but gently this time. “Oh, shut up. ...But yeah. From now on, you are encouraged to kiss me. A lot. Often. On a regular basis. Let that be my order to you as your captain.”
“Aye aye, captain.”
And we both collapsed into giggles. Like things had been before. But better, now that I knew my crush on him wasn’t unrequited.
Funny how that works. Together, we defeated giant birds, sea monsters, and the king of evil himself. But the thing that defeated me the most was when I had to face off against my feelings for him. And it probably didn’t help that I felt like I had to do it alone.
Because as long as the two of us are together, I know we can do anything.