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Jiang Cheng wasn’t a very heavy sleeper by any means.
So that morning, when he felt cool fingers trail lightly across his cheek, his eyes immediately started flickering awake. And his vision, still blurry and warped from sleep, only registered pale skin, dark hair, and a pristine forehead ribbon, and that was more than enough for him to go off of.
So Jiang Cheng leaned forwards, intent on closing in the distance between him and his fiancé. Their mouths were barely centimeters apart until suddenly, his drowsiness disappeared and he realized that he was in fact not in bed with Lan Xichen at the moment. Furthermore, the person in front of him was none other than--
Jiang Cheng flailed yanking his head back with exacerbated force, flinging himself off of the bed-- a bed that wasn’t his --and onto the floor, simultaneously coming to the realization that he was in the Jingshi, that was his stupid brother-in-law, and he’d almost ki-
He’d almost k-kis-
Jiang Cheng violently slapped a palm to his mouth to stop himself from gagging. He was sure his face was turning green—
“...Are you alright?” Lan Wangji had immediately slid off the bed as well, and Jiang Cheng had to thank whatever gods that were out there that he was indeed wearing robes. Lan Wangji crouched down so that he and Jiang Cheng were at eye level. The Lan had a tender and concerned look in his eyes and Jiang Cheng wondered if he was hallucinating, or if he truly was trapped in some terrible nightmare.
“A-am I…?!” Jiang Cheng was far too distracted by freaking out over the previous incident to notice that his own voice was at least a quarter of an octave higher than usual. “Am I alright? We just woke up together? We almost ki-?!”
The palm was back over his mouth with renewed force as Jiang Cheng stifled an even more violent reaction. He felt like he needed a bath. Immediately.
But Lan Wangji, the bastard, looked utterly confused--well, on the outside, to any other onlooker his face would’ve looked blank and serene, but Jiang Cheng knew all-too-well what the telltale flickering in his eyes conveyed. His mouth was downturned ever so slightly, forming a small frown.
And honestly, Jiang Cheng would’ve felt bad for the Lan if, one, he wasn’t having a crisis of his own at the moment, and two, he was a nicer person...but neither of those things were going to be true any time soon so—
“Wei Ying…”
Jiang Cheng tensed and then squinted at him.
“... What did you just call me?” His voice was dangerously low.
Lan Wangji appeared even more distressed but was doing his best not to let it show. “...Wei Ying…?” He repeated slowly, as if he was unsure.
Jiang Cheng blinked once.
He blinked twice.
He sucked in a sharp breath through his nose and propped himself upright, stiffly walking over to the washroom. He found the tub of water the Lan disciples must’ve brought in earlier that morning, the water still warm from a heating talisman, and then he took a deep breath.
Jiang Cheng peered into the water and let out a blood-curdling shriek as Wei Wuxian’s face greeted him back in his reflection.
Lan Wangji rushed into the bathroom and was met with-- what he thought was--the troubling sight of his husband pulling at his own hair and yelling vulgar things about...himself…?
“Wei Wuxian! You little shit! I know this your fault, I’ll murder you-!”
“Wei Ying…?” Lan Wangji tried for at least the third time this morning, with a bit more urgency.
‘Wei Wuxian’ stopped screaming and then shot a nasty glare at Lan Wangji which had the Lan tensing and on edge because for some reason, that glare felt rather familiar...
“I am not your husband, you asshat!”
And that’s all it took for it to finally click.
Lan Wangji blinked very slowly, and then rubbed at his eyes, sincerely hoping his hypothesis was incorrect.
But then Jiang Cheng sneered at him, still pulling at his hair like the lunatic he currently embodied. “Rubbing your eyes won’t change anything, dumbass!”
If Lan Wangji were a lesser Lan then he would’ve groaned morosely out loud and not in his head, but he didn’t--
“Jiang Wanyin.” He muttered with distaste. He tried to scowl at Jiang Cheng, but it was practically impossible to, seeing as he was wearing Wei Wuxian’s face.
Lan Wangji silently cursed the universe.
“How the hell did this happen?” Jiang Cheng cried out in a whiny tone... he actually sounded very much like his older brother in that moment but Lan Wangji studiously kept that to himself.
“I don’t know.” Lan Wangji’s voice was close to a grumble.
“Do you know if that idiot was working on any new inventions or talismans lately?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is there any way to reverse this?”
“I don’t know-”
“What the fuck Lan Wangji? Are you Nie Huaisang? Do you know anything?!”
“Do you? You glorified grape.”
And at the extremely scandalized look Jiang Cheng sent him, Lan Wangji had to concede that he was Wei Wuxian’s little brother indeed.
“I can’t be stuck like this forever!” Jiang Cheng growled, storming out of the bathroom and throwing himself face-first onto Lan Wangji’s bed. “Why me?!”
“...Get off my bed…” Lan Wangji’s eye was twitching as Jiang Cheng threw his mini-tantrum.
Neither of them was having a very nice morning. This was accentuated by the rude hand gesture Jiang Cheng flashed at Lan Wangji in response his request.
Lan Wangji’s eye twitched again. It was less of a request and more of a warning. He’d only said it for Jiang Cheng’s sake after all, but if his idiotic brother-in-law wanted to lay face down in the aftermaths of “every day” then Lan Wangji was far too petty to stop him--
Instead, the Lan just sighed, internally, and laid down, on his back because he was sanitary, next to his husb-... his brother-in-law.
He buried his face in his hands and he would’ve screamed, quietly, but Jiang Cheng was screaming loud enough into the pillow for the both of them.
“What do we do now?” Jiang Cheng finally grumbled, voice a bit raspy from his impromptu tantrum. He looked up at Lan Wangji giving the other what he likely thought was a vicious glare, but really it was just an intense pout and it would’ve been adorable but any attraction Lan Wangji felt for ‘his husband’ at the moment was nulled by the pitiful reminder of who was inhabiting said husband’s body.
And instead of being helpful or giving Jiang Cheng a useful answer, all Lan Wangji could comment was “You and Wei Ying are actually very similar.”
Their varying dispositions aside, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian were both quite expressive people. Lan Wangji needed only a glance in order to gauge how happy, usually in Wei Wuxian’s case, or angry, usually in Jiang Cheng’s case, the other was.
They were both passionate as well. Loud. Brazen.
...And they were both rather dramatic, but it took an entire body swap for Lan Wangji to realize just how similar their dramatics were to one another...not that Lan Wangji would comment on this out loud...ever...he valued his marriage and his life.
Jiang Cheng looked crestfallen. “Lan Wangji! ” He hissed, and it was odd hearing that name, in that tone, from Wei Wuxian’s voice. “We’re frenemies, not enemies. Why would you insult me like that?”
“You’re not the one being insulted.” Lan Wangji muttered, just to mess with him.
“Lan Wangji-!” Though seeing a flush of angry red appear on ‘Wei Wuxian’s’ face didn’t elicit the same reaction as it would’ve if it truly was his husband in his body...one that would’ve kept them in the Jingshi for the next few hours... it still amused Lan Wangji all the same.
Instead, Lan Wangji sent over the same hand gesture Jiang Cheng used on him earlier.
“You-!” And then Jiang Cheng began shaking his head, and started snickering at the sheer absurdity of everything. Lan Wangji felt like laughing and crying, however, he just breathed heavily out of his nose.
And then since the universe woke up and chose violence against him, Lan Wangji decided to do the same.
“Are you sore?”
Jiang Cheng immediately stopped snickering, and then stared at him wide-eyed. “...Come again...?”
“Are. You. Sore?” Lan Wangji did his best to keep his tone-even and his face blank as if it were an innocent inquiry.
“Am I…” And as soon as the implications of the question settled in, Jiang Cheng was throwing a series of fierce punches at Lan Wangji who’d already predicted the other’s movements and was sprinting out of the Jingshi silently snickering at the other’s rage.
Naturally, Jiang Cheng sprinted after him, however, both esteemed cultivators momentarily forgot about their current predicament and how bizarre they must’ve looked-- like a lovers quarrel gone wrong.
“Hanguang-jun you shameless bastard!” Jiang Cheng screeched, as he chased after his brother-in-law along the paths of Gusu, ignoring the absolutely scandalized expressions of the disciples who had unfortunately been milling along the area--
Lan Jingyi audibly choked.
Lan Sizhui had to steady himself on Lan Jingyi’s shoulder.
Ouyang Zizhen wondered if he was hallucinating and if there might’ve been something wrong with his soup from earlier.
Jin Ling had startled because at the yelling, he’d been expecting his Jiujiu, not his other unhinged uncle.
And none of the juniors were prepared for Lan Wangji to pause, turn around with an almost evil glint in his eyes, and calmly state, “In your condition, I’m surprised you’re still able to run this fast.”
And as they watched ‘Wei Wuxian’s’ jaw drop, they couldn’t help but gawk all-the-same.
“...A-Yuan...are your parents cursed?” For the first time, Lan Jingyi’s voice was quiet , in fact, it was barely above a whisper.
“I-?!” Lan Sizhui was at a loss for words, with a furious blush rising in his cheeks. Were they?
Jin Ling rubbed viciously at his eyes. “...I think the resentful energy has finally gotten to him A-Yuan-”
Zizhen flicked Jin Ling’s forehead for his lack of tact, and was about to try and offer Lan Sizhui some vague reassurance but suddenly--
Then juniors had to watch, in sheer incredulity and mixed terror, as Wei Wuxian started sprinting after his husband at neck-break speed waving his fists in the air with murderous intent and--
“I didn’t know Father could run?!”
All three heads turned towards Lan Sizhui in disbelief.
“ ... A-Yuan, that’s what you’re focusing on?” Jin Ling squawked, arms flailing.
“Something must really be off today, if the Young Mistress is our voice of reason.” Lan Jingyi whined and then blatantly used Zizhen as a human shield as Jin Ling tried to strangle him.
“Maybe...maybe there was something in our soup this morning?” Ouyang Zizhen mused aloud, again, as he quickly shifted to the side so that his boyfriend could throw a well-aimed roundkick at Lan Jingyi who cried out and scowled at them in betrayal.
“Perhaps we should just…” Lan Sizhui started slowly backing away. “We should go…?”
Jin Ling wasted no time in tugging on Zizhen’s hand, and sprinting away, the rest of their quartet following as fast as their legs could take them, all agreeing that they had seen nothing , there was only so much monthly chaos they could take, and there definitely most likely most definitely might’ve probably been something wrong with the soup…
“I guess we just hallucinated...”
“Yeah! That soup must’ve been laced with something. It tasted like salty water!”
“A-yi what-?”
“That’s not the soup's fault, idiot! It’s because you were sweating into your bowl-”
Meanwhile, as Jiang Cheng was preparing to tackle Lan Wangji to the ground--because the bastard had a point, he really was sore down there, and just thinking about what that entailed was equally mortifying and infuriating--Lan Xichen and...and himself appeared, chattering ambiently with one another as if nothing out of the usual was happening.
Lan Xichen whispered something in his...well not his his...but his….his body’s ear, and watching his own face crinkle with amusement and throw its head back with laughter was a jarring sight.
“This is so weird.” Jiang Cheng hissed, momentarily halting his pursuit to kill Lan Wangji.
“Mn…” Lan Wangji nodded, sharply, with a frown.
“...Have I always been that short or is your brother just that tall…?”
“Both. However, no one with eyes would ever consider you ‘tall.’”
“Hey-I’m not short-”
“Yes, you are. You’re short. By comparison.”
“I’m not short! Not everyone has freakishly long Lan legs- ”
“Work harder.”
“I-”
“There you two are!”
Jiang Cheng winced because somehow Wei Wuxian managed to sound just as bright and annoyingly bubbly even whilst in Jiang Cheng’s body.
“We’ve been looking for you two all morning, ever since…” Lan Xichen gestured to a grinning ‘Jiang Cheng’, and had to cover his mouth with the black of his sleeve to hide his smile.
“Lan Huan, stop laughing! This is traumatic for me...” Jiang Cheng would swear he didn’t whine , but Wei Wuxian’s default voice was essentially a whine within itself.
Lan Wangji tensed uncomfortably at hearing ‘Lan Huan’ in Wei Wuxian’s voice.
Lan Xichen, on the other hand, had to stifle another laugh, “I’m sorry, Wanyin! Wei Ying is very...animated...It’s just a bit amusing seeing that on your face."
Jiang Cheng huffed rolling his eyes, which immediately had Lan Xichen and Wei Wuxian sharing a look and giggling with each other.
Apparently, this entire experience wasn’t nearly as tragic for their older brothers.
“Don’t worry! Xichen-ge and I looked into this with the spare time we had.” Wei Wuxian explained. “So you two shouldn’t worry. Especially not you, Lan Zhan, I’ll be back soon enough.” He accentuated that with a wink.
He winked at Lan Wangji in Jiang Cheng’s body--
Jiang Cheng actually wretched, he could feel yesterday’s dinner rising in his throat.
Lan Wangji wasn’t doing that much better. He looked equally disturbed... yet pleased.
Lan Xichen, who wasn’t nearly as prone to jealousy as his little brother, simply found the entire situation increasingly entertaining and had to stifle another laugh, especially when Wei Wuxian sent him another exaggerated wink because, don’t get him wrong, Lan Xichen loved Jiang Cheng, but he also knew his fiance wouldn’t be caught dead expressing himself in half the ways that Wei Wuxian did.
“Don’t you dare flirt with Hanguang-jun while you’re in my body!” Jiang Cheng hissed at Wei Wuxian...scolding himself was quite an odd experience, but he could read the mischievous glint in his own eyes before Wei Wuxian even opened his stupid mouth.
Wei Wuxian used his new-found height to his advantage and stared down at Jiang Cheng. And both Lan brothers had to note how strange it was seeing such a devious smirk on ‘Jiang Cheng's face and such an aggressive scowl on ‘Wei Wuxian’s’.
Lan Wangji wanted to cry. Lan Xichen shot his brother a sympathetic look in between snickers.
“Oh?” Wei Wuxian tilted his head to the side. “And just what will you do, Xian-gege?”
“You-!” Jiang Cheng felt his small fists clench at his side. He never thought a day would come in which he’d want so desperately to punch himself in the face and yet--
Suddenly, Wei Wuxian was rushing over to Lan Wangji who had been staring at the interaction the entire time with a slowly melting mind. And before Jiang Cheng could react, before he could scream, Wei Wuxian was leaning in and planting a loud, exaggerated kiss on Lan Wangji’s cheek, not before cackling and sprinting away, making good use of Jiang Cheng’s pristine physical form.
Will this be the day… Jiang Cheng distantly heard in the back of his mind as he tried to compute what had just happened. Will this be the day that I qi deviate?
“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng roared, and he wondered if he was imagining it, or he really could feel his brother’s ex-resentful energy swirling inside of him. “I’ll kill you! I swear I’ll kill you! You shameless little--” And then Jiang Cheng was off, chasing after his body, spitting vicious insults about how slow his pace was because of “... your scrawny little legs. I swear I’ll break them when we switch back!”
Lan Xichen couldn’t breathe and one glance at his little brother made this situation even worse. He used Lan Wangji’s shoulder as an armrest and tried to compose himself and his silent wheezing.
Lan Wangji said absolutely nothing.
He looked dead inside.
“I’m s-sorry, Wangji'' Lan Xichen muttered in between wheezes. “The last time this happened-”
Lan Wangji shot his brother a sharp horrified look, “...Last time?”
Lan Xichen shook his head and continued grinning. And then just like when they were kids, he tugged on Lan Wangji’s arm and dragged him along while his brother sighed, dramatically but quietly, in the background.
And as Jiang Cheng chased after his older brother with murderous intent and as Lan Wangji was dragged off by his older brother, both simultaneously knew they would never live this one down.
~~
“Let’s make a pact.”
“Mn. We never speak of yesterday-”
“Ever again.”
“Mn. Deal?”
“Deal-”
“Hey A-Cheng! Lan Zhan! What’s it like knowing you two have ki-”
“Wei Wuxian!”
“Wei Ying! We shouldn’t tease them. They’re quite fragile-”
“...Brother…”
~~