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Sun Xiang tried to be as quiet as possible as he walked across the landing to the kitchen.
It was midnight and everyone else was fast asleep, tired after the intense match against Russia.
A match they had lost most horribly.
Sun Xiang stepped into the team kitchen only to notice that there was already someone there.
Huang Shaotian was sitting on the floor in front of the refrigerator and rummaging through its contents. He noticed Sun Xiang out of the corner of his eye but didn't say anything.
A rather unusual act for Huang Shaotian.
Sun Xiang crept quietly to a cupboard. He moved his hand around trying to locate that box of cookies he had seen in the morning but it was no longer there.
After a few more minutes of the futile search, he turned around and saw the entire box of cookies next to Huang Shaotian.
Sun Xiang picked the box from the floor and saw that it was still full.
"How many do you need?" he asked hoping that it would be a small number, because right now he was in more need of cookies.
"The whole box" replied Huang Shaotian.
"... Why? Are you taking it for someone else?" Sun Xiang tried to hide his disappointment and put on his most polite face.
"No. I'm really craving cookies now. I might need the whole box."
"So do I"
There was a moment of silent and the two looked at each other with the intensity of two western gunslingers in a shootout.
Finally Huang Shaotian broke the standoff.
"We will share."
The tension dissipated and Sun Xiang waited patiently for Huang Shaotian to move away from the refrigerator. When there was no sign of him budging, Sun Xiang cleared his throat.
"Can you move?! I'll only be a moment."
"If you are looking for milk, they've got none."
"WHAT?!??"
Sun Xiang immediately felt depressed again. The only thing that could have comforted him now was milk and cookies.
Huang Shaotian sighed in irritation too. How in the world was it possible to be stocked up on five different energy drinks but not even one carton of milk?!
Huang Shaotian glanced at Sun Xiang wondering if the lack of milk would make him drop his cookie plans, which would have been great but the fearsome battlemage was hugging the cookie box even more tightly now.
Huang Shaotian wondered how cookies with Gatorade would taste when suddenly he saw a brown bottle at the back.
"Haha!!"
Triumphantly Huang Shaotian pulled out a large bottle of Hershey's Chocolate Syrup. Sun Xiang's face broke into a happy smile too and he ran off to find a bowl.
The two settled on the floor, leaning against the refrigerator. The syrup was poured into the bowl and for a few minutes the kitchen was silent except for the diligent munching of cookies dipped in chocolate syrup.
The kitchen was still dark and neither wanted to switch on the lights. It would probably distrub others and also a midnight snack was only complete when it was eaten in the dark.
"How come you are up so late?" asked Huang Shaotian.
"I couldn't sleep. And I wanted a sugar rush. You?"
"Yeah. Couldn't sleep either. You do know that eating all this sugar won't help you go to sleep right?"
"Yeah. I know."
They fell into silence again for some time and Sun Xiang couldn't help but thing Huang Shaotian was uncharacteristically quiet.
But then again it was the middle of the night and maybe even the infamous chatterbox of the China Glory Team could grow weary at the end of a long day.
"Um... Huang Shaotian, may I ask you something?"
"Yeah... And just call me Shaotian. Everyone else does."
Huang Shaotian personally didn't mind being addressed casually. Almost everyone on the China Team were his seniors or contemporaries and so there was no need to be formal.
The exceptions were Fang Rui, who obviously addressed him casually even without an invitation being the guy he was; Zhou Zekai who never had a reason to address anyone by name as he barely talked; Tang Hao who was almost invisible in Huang Shaotian's eye and finally Sun Xiang with whom there had never been any reason to have a conversation.
But since the cookie box was so big and it seemed they were going to be here for a while, it was probably easier if they talked informally.
"Ok... " said Sun Xiang awkwardly as he hadn't expected such a response "Um... it's about today's match. Do you think I played very bad too?"
Huang Shaotian winced internally because he did not want to think about the painful match now.
It wasn't that they had underestimated Team Russia, but that day Russia had come out with a completely different roster than they had anticipated.
Team China had done their best but it wasn't enough as Sun Xiang lost a significant match in the group arena putting them at a disadvantage. But they couldn't salvage the team match either because it seemed Russia had truly prepared for every single one of them.
The same person who had crushed Sun Xiang in the group arena had marked him in the team match and without one of their strongest front line attackers for the team match, China's plans had gone into disarray.
Everyone had struggled but according to the post match analysis it was mainly Sun Xiang. It was a uniform opinion that he had the opportunity to turn things around had he been able to stop his opponent but in spite of his best efforts he had been completely outmatched.
Nobody really blamed him either.
He had played to his full strength as always. It just wasn't enough this time and Yu Wenzhou had gone over how each person in their team had fallen short that day before speaking a few gentle words to Sun Xiang to not feel too burdened by today's loss.
The post match analysis was brought to a close very quickly and not even Ye Xiu disagreed with the decision.
It was just one of those things they had to learn from and move on.
But Huang Shaotian couldn't stop thinking about the match either.
Everyone's eyes had mainly been on Sun Xiang because he was outplayed both times by the same player from Team Russia.
Nobody had really noticed Huang Shaotian's own predicament.
In the team match, Huang Shaotian had failed completely.
Nobody, not even Yu Wenzhou had said anything. Huang Shaotian had waited patiently for his numerous mistakes to be pointed out too but they didn't. Many people would have been relieved being overlooked but he only felt unhappiness.
In the team match, there were so many points when he too could have changed the course of the battle.
Where he could have actually saved Sun Xiang and helped to set up a counter-attack.
Was it because nobody saw this or because they didn't think he could have capitalised on those opportunities?
Huang Shaotian did not know and his head hurt trying to figure out why nobody had anything to say about his mistakes.
Cookies were the only thing that could help him and he had been looking forward to a few quiet hours in the kitchen.
But Sun Xiang was sitting next to him now and the punk actually wanted to continue talking about the game.
Huang Shaotian shot the younger man a cold look.
"Yeah. It was bad."
Sun Xiang drooped slightly but he nodded his head. He almost knew that the others were going easy on him, and that's why he had wanted to hear it from someone who would not mince their words.
Huang Shaotian suddenly felt a bit regretful and wanted to apologize. Who was he to judge Sun Xiang after playing so badly himself? But it was not possible to take back his words and he just focused on coating the cookie with more chocolate syrup.
"Sometimes I wish I had done something else." said Sun Xiang sighing deeply "Not become a pro gamer."
"What would you have done then??"
"Hmm.... maybe a model or something."
"What?!!"
"Well I've been told I'm good looking.... "
"You are not that good looking Sun Xiang.... "
Sun Xiang was about to feel depressed again but he noticed Huang Shaotian's mischievous smile and relaxed.
"Well...I think I have enough looks to advertise an energy drink at the least."
"Well.... don't you have to take off your clothes a lot and pose for pictures if you are a model??" asked Huang Shaotian.
"Eh?!! No!!"
"You do too!! Models always have to pose shirtless!"
"No! Captain never had to do all that!"
"But that's because he's Zhou Zekai! They might definitely get you to go shirtless!"
Sun Xiang aggressively chomped on a cookie as he had never realised there was such a side to the business.
"Then something else.... Like a cake shop."
Huang Shaotian chuckled at his wild imagination which was picking rather strange careers.
"You can bake?" he asked.
"No. Captain can."
"What will you do then??"
"Um... help."
"You do realise that doesn't count as a career right?? Besides bake does not mean grab an instant mix and whipping it into an oven!! You are saying Zhou Zekai can bake!!??"
"Yes!" said Sun Xiang with a proud smile, happy that Huang Shaotian had taken the bait "That's one way in which he expresses his emotions! When we win a match he bakes a cake! When we lose we get chocolatey stuff like cookies or brownies! He's way more good at real life stuff than you think, ok!!"
"Ok... sadly I don't think he has mastered the art of communication yet to market this cake shop."
"That's what I'm for! I'll do the talking!"
"Nah.... you just need to stand there. People love a pretty face."
"Oh? Now I'm pretty?!"
"It's not a compliment!"
"Didn't think it was!"
Sun Xiang was surprised he was engaging in such an active conversation with Huang Shaotian of all people.
It did help that Huang Shaotian was not as uncontrollable as usual and was making sense but it wasn't everyday that they got a chance to interact like this.
Sun Xiang was happy to keep the conversation going though. Anything was better than thinking about the game again.
"Hua- Shaotian, what do you do at Blue Rain after a match?"
Sun Xiang was genuinely curious about this because he had sometimes wondered if the post-match mood at Samsara was something special. It had always been gloomy and depressing in his time with Excellent Era and even in his short stint with Conquering Clouds there was nothing much to remember.
"Well... we kinda do cakes too. But store bought ones usually. Tea cakes when we win and chocolate cakes when we lose. I guess all captains believe in the power of chocolate."
"Yeah... it is the best thing to cheer you up."
There was a pause as the two of them dipped their hands into the cookie box together and grabbed the final one.
After a second they broke it in half and slathering it with syrup they continued to chew thoughtfully.
Sun Xiang knew why he was in desperate need of chocolate. His day had been quite stressful. But what did Huang Shaotian need cheering up for?
Then again did Huang Shaotian ever need cheering up? Wasn't he the package of sunshine and loud noises and continuous chattering?
Huang Shaotian looked at the syrup bottle and wondered if it was alright to drink from it directly.
Half a cookie box was not enough really.
Perhaps it was the milk that truly helped to calm your mind and help you sleep.
But the chocolate was comforting in its own way and if Sun Xiang was not here, Huang Shaotian would have filled the bowl with syrup and eaten it with his fingers.
"I saw a box of digestive biscuits in the cupboard." said Sun Xiang "You think they will taste good with chocolate?"
"Go get them,kid" Huang Shaotian smiled gratefully at Sun Xiang who then returned in a few minutes with the box of biscuits.
More syrup had been poured out and after trying a bit of the combination, the two agreed that this was certainly as delicious as cookies with syrup.
"Shaotian, what would you have been if not a gamer?"
"Huh? I didn't want to be anything else! That was you!"
"Agh! Come one! The question is what if... And I seriously doubt you wanted to be a professional gamer until you were caught stealing bosses by Blue Rain's guild!"
"How the hell do you know that??! Who told you?!?!"
"I have my sources."
"That sly Xiao Shiqin!"
"It's not him."
"I can't believe Su Mucheng betrayed me."
"It's not her either."
"Interesting. Since when did you start speaking to Ye Xiu?"
"It's not him either! Stop changing the subject! If you really have never thought about this question just say so!!! I only thought about this when the question came up during a game of Life! "
"You guys play Life? We used to but since Lu Hanwen came we stopped so that... well you know... so the kid doesn't accidentally get exposed to any dirty jokes. We play Monopoly now."
"Ah tell me about it! Du Ming makes a lot of those jokes too... we don't play Monopoly because Jiang Botao gets very competitive at games like that and - Why are we talking about this?!?! How can you be so good at confusing people!?! "
"Haha.... it's my speciality."
Huang Shaotian knew this was probably one of the few skills he had, but apart from trash talk in the game he wasn't sure if it could amount to anything more.
Sun Xiang huffed and turned away. He didn't realise he would actually have to work hard to get Huang Shaotian to talk about something.
After a few minutes Huang Shaotian chuckled.
"I don't really think I want to be anything else... But if you really want me to imagine it... Maybe a radio jockey or something."
"Ah! That sounds cool! And you can talk all day!"
"Pftt! I can talk all day regardless of what I do. I just think it will be fun!"
"So.... you've always wanted to be a gamer then?"
"No... I was told that I was good at it and so maybe I should become a pro. If you know me by now, you would understand that I like being good at things. Of course I loved Glory! Being good at it and scouted by Blue Rain just made my choice so much easier!"
"I see.... You are more one-dimensional than I imagined."
"Who are you calling one-dimensional, brat!!! Says the kid who strutted around thinking he will be the savior of Excellent Era!!"
Sun Xiang just laughed because he was used to these jibes now. The rest of the team never failed to miss a chance to tease him.
But he didn't mind it so much. It felt like they were doing this only because they held no grudges anymore and had accepted him.
There was another lull in conversation as the two stared at the ceiling, preoccupied with their own thoughts.
"You've changed a lot, Sun Xiang... " said Huang Shaotian, casting a quick side-wise look.
Sun Xiang was a good 3 inches taller than him, but right now he was slouched so low that he seemed smaller than Huang Shaotian.
"Huh? What did you say?" Sun Xiang had been busy trying to remove a drop of chocolate that had fallen on his shirt and Huang Shaotian's comment was so out of the blue that he was confused.
"I mean.... " Huang Shaotian debated if now was a good time to praise Sun Xiang on his growth but obviously he didn't want it to go to his head, so it was best to leave things like this to people like Yu Wenzhou.
"Well Sun Xiang... back then you were an arrogant punk. Now you are just an ordinary punk. I think that is a lot of growth."
"You really don't know how to compliment people do you..... "
"Sometimes I wonder what happened in Samsara to make you like this? Is there some demonic torture system which they used to threaten you? Or was it just Jiang Botao?"
"Haha! Jiang Botao can get scary if he wants to but no... it was nothing like that!"
"Then what happened, Sun Xiang??" Huang Shaotian leaned forward and shoved a biscuit towards Sun Xiang and in his best inquisitive journalist imitation he continued speaking "What is the terrible secret at Samsara?? What was capable of changing even a brave warrior like you into a quiet little cat??"
"Hey! Stop interrogating me! You would make a fine reporter though!" Sun Xiang laughed as he pushed the biscuit away "It's nothing like that! Things just.... worked out well."
"Hm?" Huang Shaotian leaned back again "You decided to be nice or they did?"
"Um... a bit of both." Sun Xiang seemed slightly hesitant about sharing but seeing that Huang Shaotian seemed truly interested and not just looking to make a joke he decided to open up.
"Samsara was different than Excellent Era. I sort of felt.... I belonged?? Is that the right word? I didn't feel like I have to meet expectations anymore! Not achieve some standard or a benchmark!"
"What about Zhou Zekai? Wasn't he a benchmark you had to surpass?"
"No... it's different. Ye Xiu.... it always felt I had to be better than him because.... I was being expected to. Anything less than that would not be good enough. But with Captain... well it didn't feel like that. I mean... by then I had already begun to accept that there were people better than me.... "
"Yes! So many people!"
"Shut up, Shaotian. And I didn't feel any pressure from them, you know? To achieve something or meet some target.
They never brought up anything either. At first I was always scared when they would bring up the things I had done but they just accepted me like another player.
I never felt excluded.... or as if I needed to run after them to catch up. I could just play. And Captain... he never spoke but we understood each other and I felt he was really hopeful that I would fit in with them!"
"Wow... you have godly telepathy with him too??"
"It's not like that... Coordinating with him is different. I - well you must know by now, I don't like being told what to do. But with him, he never actually says anything. He sets a pace and I subconsciously follow him, or if he really thinks I'm not cooperating, he changes his direction. It's like if you can't pull the other person into adjusting to your rhythm, you change yours to work with them."
".... I did not realise Zhou Zekai had so many methods to his strangeness. Make sure to give me some tips on how to adjust with him, because I saw Captain's notebook and there was a very scary line which suggested that me and Zhou Zekai working together might be a strategy for some match and I do not want to mess it up because I could not read his mind signals!!"
Sun Xiang laughed loudly.
"Don't worry about it! Like I said if you don't work with him, he will work with you! The atmosphere at Samsara was so much different than I expected! I thought they would be behaving like elites but it's so warm and friendly!
I didn't feel like everyone's eyes were on me to prove myself! It was just playing Glory with some extremely talented people. I guess it was how accepting and friendly they were that made we want to trust them and actually try to belong with the team."
"Excellent Era wasn't friendly?? What about Su Mucheng??"
"Those were dark days for me Shaotian.... I barely noticed anyone. I just wanted to overcome Ye Xiu. I still do. But not so much that I'm blinded to the extent I won't be able to focus on anything else. Also.... Su Mucheng wasn't exactly friendly."
"Well obviously. You just drove out her closest friend of many years. But you never tried to make amends with anyone."
"Uh.... The only one who talked to me was Liu Hao. I didn't even like him. Personally I think that guy likes to mess up the minds of insecure people like me. Look at poor Tang Hao."
"I barely notice Tang Hao. I think he just wants to be invisible. But Su Mucheng is pretty alright with you now! I even saw the two of you splitting a candy bar the other day! You didn't try to say anything back then?"
"Um... it was kinda hard you know. She was scary.... and.... it's scary to talk to girls."
"What?!!?! Wait a second!!! You are scared to talk to girls!!"
"Alright! It's not a big deal!!!" Sun Xiang sighed in annoyance but Huang Shaotian didn't let it go.
"Ah! Now I see why you liked it in Samsara! Sun Xiang, you are always welcome to our monastery, ok! We have truly no girls at all! There were days when somebody claimed they saw a woman among the staff but it was just a guy who forgot to get a haircut! We are truly a safe place for someone like you!"
"Ok! Ok!! That's enough!"
The two began to laugh again and trying to hide his embarrassment, Sun Xiang said "I'm better with talking to others now. I admit that I was a really arrogant prick back then.
Samsara helped me get my priorities straight and also made me start enjoying the whole game again. They tease me and everything too but somehow it feels different when it is among friends."
"Yes completely. I agree. I hope I have the freedom to tease you too."
"I think you are doing a great job even without my permission... But enough about me!!! What about you?? You've been in Blue Rain all your life so I guess you've never had these kind of problems. How about in the training camp?"
"Ah.... "
Huang Shaotian suddenly remembered a random quote he had heard from somewhere.
It was possible for a boat to get into the water and also for water to get into the boat. By pestering Sun Xiang into revealing so much, he had actually opened up questions from the other side too.
"Ah sorry" said Sun Xiang suddenly "I guess having been scouted by Wei Chen himself you didn't have any blocks there too. Also I doubt you have problems with making friends."
"Ha... true. I had no blocks. And me and my mouth can survive anywhere."
Huang Shaotian hesitated for a second because every time he thought about those days there was one memory which came back to haunt him.
One he shouldn't be so stuck on after all these years and which he had been told repeatedly to let go.
"Ah you are lucky. " said Sun Xiang "Even in Conquering Clouds, I didn't really have any friends. The trainee camp had a particular divide between normal players and ones scouted for the main team.
If you were skilled and scouted, you actually made zero friends. Unfortunately I was not just scouted but also the only trainee for that season. Unlike you, I don't really have the personality to draw people to me in casual conversations either. "
Hearing Sun Xiang speak so openly was surprising.
Huang Shaotian loved to talk but he rarely opened up about private stuff like his feelings so easily, especially to random people he was sharing biscuits with.
But suddenly he felt a need to clear up Sun Xiang's misconceptions about what he thought were Huang Shaotian's wonderful trainee days.
"Sun Xiang.... there is something you should know. I wasn't always like this."
"You mean you were a silent nervous kid sitting in a corner??"
"No! Not that different!! That's kinda insane! No, what I meant was I was... not a very nice person."
"What?" Sun Xiang genuinely felt surprised by this.
It was true many people felt annoyed by Huang Shaotian's trash talk and sometimes he was extremely cold and ruthless in his words, even to his own team.
But nobody ever had an opinion he was not a nice person.
Unlike how Sun Xiang had been, Huang Shaotian's cold attitude only surfaced during an actual game. Outside he was still noisy and rude, but it was all taken in a friendly spirit and people loved to rile him on purpose to liven things up.
Sun Xiang was sure if he asked any random player in the Alliance about their opinion on Huang Shaotian, outside the game, they would never speak negatively about him.
Outside the game, being the keyword of course.
Huang Shaotian sighed.
"I was just like you, kid. Cocky about myself. Wanted to prove what an amazing player I was. Didn't think anyone else was as good as me. But I wasn't nice to others like you think. I- I was friends with people like me - skilled, outgoing - that kind of people. But not so much to the others."
"Um... not nice as in you just ignored them?"
"No. Not nice as in I made it a point to ridicule them in front of others and point at their failings just to feel good about myself."
Sun Xiang looked at Huang Shaotian in stunned silence. He could simply not imagine the guy who was being described as the Huang Shaotian of the past.
"You made it up with them though right?" he asked hesitantly.
"Yes. But that does not make it better, does it?" Huang Shaotian paused for a second before be spoke again. "I was really mean to him back then... To Captain.... I - did a lot of unforgivable things. I mocked Yu Wenzhou and talked about him behind his back. I got others to join in on making fun of him. I even asked him once to leave Blue Rain."
"You.... were a bully." said Sun Xiang suddenly.
"I - I was not!! I did not actively bully him!!"
"Oh really?? You said you made fun of them at every opportunity!! That is active bullying!!"
"It's not!! I - Aagh! It was complicated!! I was angry he was there!! I mean if someone like him and someone like me could survive in the same camp what's the difference between us?!!"
"It's still bullying."
"Shut up, Sun Xiang! Or I will pick at your past too!"
"I know. You know what Shaotian, you seem very adamant that it wasn't very serious, but yet feel so strongly about it. That's why I was confused. Why would you on one hand try to brush it away and on the other feel so horrible about it??"
"Ah.... you punk." Huang Shaotian sighed.
It was true.
He cared more than he let on but what could he do when the very person who was a victim to his nasty attitude had banned him from speaking about that topic again as it was all in the past.
"Look, Sun Xiang.... I'm not making excuses. I've apologised a thousand times to Captain after that. I know I can never change what happened. But he keeps saying he doesn't care. That it's over and what matters is our relationship in the present.
I regret it so much, ok!!! I had so many problems back then too!! You think my parents approved of me becoming a gamer?! They wanted me to become a doctor or teacher or something!"
"So many patients and students have been saved since you didn't."
"Zip it! That's irrelevant now! And I'm emoting, so don't you interrupt! All I'm saying is I was worried about myself too and seeing Captain there just irked me!
One part of me said if I really thought so little of him there was no reason to see him as competition! But the other side just hated to see him trying so hard even though he was not good, according to my then stupid brain.
I was exactly like you! Wanting to look down on people who were not good because it made me feel important about myself! Made me focus on thinking as long as I'm better than that guy then I have a chance! I can make things work! But I was wrong! He was so much better than me and still is! And once I realised that fact, I started to hate how I had acted with him!
But Yu Wenzhou is too nice for his own good and he said he didn't care and all we needed to do was work together for Blue Rain! Pfft! Now if I were in his place the first thing I would've done was to kick out that schmuck who had looked down on me!
But no!! He was like 'you were stupid Shaotian. It's ok to be childish and stupid and I can't hold that against you.'
Ugh!!! I still don't know if that was serious or was he teasing me!
You are right! I don't care anymore because Captain doesn't care anymore. But I know I'll carry this regret till the very end! Even when I'm rolling in my coffin in some muddy cemetery filled with trash and with pigeons pooping over my coffin I will still regret it, ok!!"
Sun Xiang had almost followed most of the first half but by the end he had lost it as Huang Shaotian had descended into his usual habits of mixing up random nonsense.
Sun Xiang stared blankly as Huang Shaotian continued blabbering about the pigeons doing more stuff.
But in a strange way it was comforting.
All night, Huang Shaotian had been speaking abnormally. Everything was concise and clear. He still made a few jokes but everything was still perfectly comprehensible.
But the energy of the random shit he was spouting actually felt therapeutic now. Sun Xiang wondered if this was the reason why Huang Shaotian talked like this. Not having to think too much about the words felt really relaxing and it was easier to make your mind empty.
Huang Shaotian stopped finally, on seeing that Sun Xiang was completely out of it.
"Oy! Brat! Have you gone off to sleep?!" He punched Sun Xiang's shoulder and the youth moved away immediately.
"No... No... how can I, when you are living up to your name as the chatterbox of the Alliance. How do you feel getting all that out?"
"Good. And don't think these are some deeply repressed thoughts I'm finally bringing out! Every second Tuesday of the month when we have prawns for dinner, I get nostalgic and scream about all this again with Captain until he throws his notebook at my head and asks me to shut up!"
"I'm not sure I wanted to know that.... "
"You can't choose what you want to know when you are with me kid! If you want something in particular, you've got to ask!!"
"Ok! Then why were you craving milk and cookies tonight?? Don't try to avoid the question! I had a particularly bad game today and needed to comfort myself. Why did you need it??"
Huang Shaotian clamped up for a few seconds while Sun Xiang's eyes drilled into him.
In the end it had to go back to the game.
But somehow he didn't feel so bothered about talking about it now.
He had already shared a big part of his life, which he only brought up now with Yu Wenzhou on the rare nights they got drunk together.
So there was no point in being so guarded about his thoughts about the game.
Also it was Sun Xiang who had asked him.
Huang Shaotian was still older than him and if he showed any attitude about it, he could easily pull his weight to squash him.
But after conversing with him for so long Huang Shaotian could feel that they both wanted to keep talking for the same reason.
To keep themselves occupied.
To keep talking until they were so tired that they would just drop off to sleep.
Huang Shaotian took a deep breath and nudged Sun Xiang to get his attention.
"Ok... it's about today's match too.... "
He then started to go over the match and point out each situation where he had messed up and how he could have changed things around had he done something different.
After about 15 minutes of speaking, Huang Shaotian felt really proud of his self-analysis. He had found every single mistake and knew the solutions for each.
"So that's it Sun Xiang... Everybody was so obsessed over your mistakes today that they didn't even deem mine worthy to be brought up."
"But Yu Wenzhou did say we all made mistakes! I remember he said something to you too!"
"Yes, but not as much as he should have! Actually I was lying when I said you played bad. You did your best. But that guy who marked you both times had clearly done his research and you couldn't break past. And because I was making so many mistakes myself I couldn't help you either."
Sun Xiang was silent for a few seconds and then he started laughing.
"What's so funny?" asked Huang Shaotian.
"No... but don't you think you are a bit hard on yourself?"
"What do you mean? I'm as hard as I should be. Captain didn't even bother with me today so I had to work extra hard to find out where I went wrong."
"Um Shaotian... I could be wrong but I don't remember you being so bad. We had a few strategies for the Russian team but they swapped out most of their roster and so even Zhang Xinjie said we lost because we could not adapt to the new team quick enough and failed to form a new strategy."
"So?? What does that have to do with anything?"
"Well... Captain talked to me after the analysis... "
"Wait! Zhou Zekai does that kinda thing??"
"Yes! Now listen! He said I shouldn't misunderstand Yu Wenzhou's intentions behind picking out the details of my gameplay so meticulously.
It was necessary because I'm still not capable of analysing advanced plays very effectively and that Yu Wenzhou's words would help me get a clear idea of how to tackle things next time. "
"Of course! You are still too green at tactics!"
"And I accept that! But Captain also mentioned that the key point was, we were not able to adapt a new strategy quickly! And the one person who had adapted, could not be supported efficiently as the rest of the team were still struggling!"
"Who??"
"It was you, idiot! I can't believe you didn't understand that! You went off the plan and I think if we had caught on earlier and helped you set up an ambush it would have changed things around!"
"But we continued to fight directly and I had to fall back to support..... " Huang Shaotian suddenly remembered the split second decision he had made back then, which he had thought would be best for the team.
"Yep! So I think you were unfairly hard on yourself!"
"But... I still made mistakes in the rest of the game! Like-"
"Shaotian, you ever considered Yu Wenzhou kinda knew you were aware enough to have understood it yourself and figured everything out?"
"What??"
"Well I needed help... But you could find out all your mistakes by yourself right? Also everyone was tired with the game and everything else too... maybe Yu Wenzhou thought he could discuss this in detail tomorrow?
Everyone was focussed on me - the commentators, the audience - and so I think he went into details to let me know how much of that was actually in my hands and how much was uncontrollable.
Honestly.... if he hadn't said that I think I would only feel worse. I think it would have required something more than just cookies to help."
Huang Shaotian mused over this in silence.
It made perfect sense, now that Sun Xiang had said it.
It made sense that with Sun Xiang being relatively young, Yu Wenzhou might have wanted to be so clear with him so that he wouldn't feel too disturbed by any finger-pointing drama from the media.
And had Yu Wenzhou actually told Huang Shaotian just before he had drifted to sleep that they could discuss everything in detail after a good night's rest???
Huang Shaotian felt annoyed he had filtered out this important information.
But in a way, things had worked out well.
Having talked about it with Sun Xiang, he felt incredibly relaxed.
Sun Xiang picked up the last biscuit.
The rest of the team were not going to be happy that they had finished off two whole boxes of snacks.
But it couldn't be helped.
Sun Xiang dunked the biscuit in chocolate and offered it to Huang Shaotian. After hearing his side of things, Sun Xiang low-key felt he deserved the last treat.
"You have it." said Huang Shaotian waving it away. "As compensation for putting up with my talk for so long."
Sun Xiang looked down at the biscuit for a moment and then shook his head.
"We will share."
He held it up and Huang Shaotian leaned forward and bit off a half. Sun Xiang popped the remaining part into his mouth and the two sat back, staring at the ceiling.
Huang Shaotian had initially felt annoyed thinking there was no milk to go with their snack. It was the milk which probably relaxed you enough to fall asleep.
But sensing how calm he felt now he wondered if talking to someone had the same effect as milk.
He had never realised he had so much to talk with Sun Xiang.
Sun Xiang too had never thought he could hold a decent conversation with Huang Shaotian. It did help he was slightly more coherent than usual but to actually feel good at the end of a chat with him was quite surprising.
Neither of them had ever really bothered to talk to each other, but having done so they could see some striking similarities between the two of them.
They were a few years apart, but had gone through a similar transformation in their character. Most significant of all they both owed a certain part of who they were to their captains.
Huang Shaotian had not been confused even once about who was the person in question when Sun Xiang had used the term 'captain'.
He understood his feelings perfectly.
No matter what, there was only one person they could see as their captain.
Huang Shaotian had never expected to see that familiar spark in Sun Xiang's eyes as he talked about Zhou Zekai.
It was exactly how he felt talking about Yu Wenzhou.
It went beyond respect and friendship. It was a sort of gratitude for having been there in times of need and the trust that they would continue to be there.
Those at Blue Rain never hesitated to take the leap. They knew that the others would be there to catch them.
And hearing about Samsara, Huang Shaotian could feel Sun Xiang had found the sort of friends he could trust too.
A family who would be there for him no matter what and accept him for who he was.
"Sun Xiang.... are you sleepy?"
"More than before.... but not really. Talking to you actually helped. Atleast I'm not too fixated on the game anymore. Maybe if I try really hard I can force myself to sleep...."
Sun Xiang then got up and dropped the empty snack boxes into the trash can. Huang Shaotian thought he would leave but he came back and sat next to him again.
After a moment, Huang Shaotian tapped his shoulder.
"So until you feel sleepy..... you want to hear another story from my training days?"
"Sure. I'm listening."
"Wow. It feels so different when somebody is actually listening to me."
"Ey! I think everyone would like to listen as long as you speak with some sense!"
"Pfft! I always speak sense!"
"Yeah... yeah... "
"Okay! So what happened is back then........ "
Yu Wenzhou smiled to himself as he entered the silent and dark kitchen.
On the floor were Huang Shaotian and Sun Xiang, leaning against each other, fast asleep.
"They probably yapped themselves to sleep.... " Yu Wenzhou chuckled softly "Do you think we have the strength to move them?"
"No" said Zhou Zekai shaking his head. He left and after a few seconds returned with a blanket.
The two captains covered the sleeping duo with the blanket. Finally only the two tufts of blonde hair could be seen.
"I'm glad he fell asleep." said Yu Wenzhou "I know I should have talked more to him. Sun Xiang too. But I was so tired."
"He will understand. They both do." said Zhou Zekai quietly.
Yu Wenzhou nodded in agreement.
He knew that too.
That was why he never really needed words to communicate with Huang Shaotian.
The same way Zhou Zekai probably didn't need words to understand Sun Xiang either.
"Let's get back to sleep then!" said Yu Wenzhou with a laugh and the two captains left the kitchen, careful not to wake up the sleeping youngsters.
The kitchen was silent once again leaving two tired but happy boys, enjoying a well-deserved sleep.