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The world is burning.
The world is burning, and Rin is standing at the center of it. Kitay’s eyes register the fabric peeling and smoking off the airships, the vapour rising from the sea as the force of Rin’s fire boils it. But all he can see is Rin. His Rin, the goddess of fire, the child of war.
She’s magnificent. She’s terrible. She’s unstoppable.
No , a voice whispers in Kitay’s head, no, she’s not. She has one weakness.
Kitay takes a deep, shuddering breath. He closes his eyes, feeling the power the Phoenix flow through his mind. He’s gotten so used to the ripping agony of the god abusing him that he’s almost numb to the pain. But he makes himself feel it. He makes himself feel every second of madness, makes his body scream in protest.
The Phoenix catches on. “Now what do you think you’re doing, little boy?” it chuckles in his mind. Kitay gasps as a new wave of agony slams into him. But he’s strong. He always has been.
You can’t break me , he shoots at the Phoenix. And he shuts it off.
He can feel it pounding at the wall in his mind. His knees are shaking, but he grips the edge of the table, standing strong as he faces down someone he never thought would look at him like this.
"You can’t,” he whispers to her. “Not without my help. Not without my permission. That was our deal.”
The look of pure betrayal in her eyes nearly breaks him. But not quite. Rin will hate him for this. But he’s stood by and watched for too long. He loves her enough to save her from herself.
“I didn’t think I could, either. I thought I couldn’t deny you anything. But I can, I always could, I’d just never really tried.”
She says his name again. As though it’s all she has left. As though the world has taken everything from her, and she’s begging him not to take this too.
Kitay wants to run to her, take her face in his hands, hold her. He wants to sit with her in a war tent and explain to her why she can’t do this, why she can’t burn down the world. Once, that would have worked.
Rin’s too far gone now.
When he strikes her, he feels more than just the physical pain. He feels a stabbing sensation in his very soul. There’s no coming back from this , he thinks. But he keeps going.
Rin’s perhaps one of the best soldiers Nikan has ever seen. But she’s not used to fighting him. And he knows exactly where she hurts the most. He’s exploiting the knowledge he uses to keep her safe to hurt her. He’s winning, he can feel it. Hope sparks in his chest.
“Fuck you,” she snaps at him, and he feels what’s left of his heart shatter. Kitay’s reminded of the countless times she’s told him that phrase. At Sinegard, when he would tease her about actually having to study. In Arlong, when he would tease her about her feelings for Nezha. All those nights in the war tents, when he would tease her about countless stupid things. Fuck you , she’d always snap back, lighthearted and holding back a laugh. But this time is different. The words are so vicious, so filled with hate.
Kitay can’t live in a world where Rin hates him.
He stumbles back, taking advantage of her pain to grab Nezha’s knife. He notices the way she flinches, as though he’s going to kill her. Tears prickle at the back of his eyes.
As if he ever could.
That brief moment of hesitation costs him everything. Rin grabs his hands as he plunges the blade towards himself. She struggles against him, but Kitay is stronger than her. Rin is vicious and fierce, but she’s small. She’s always been so small.
His eyes widen as he realizes that Rin is now picking a different fight. He feels her presence at the barrier of his mind, so warm and familiar and yet so alien because of the anger she now harbours towards him .
“Give up,” Kitay pants, “you can’t.”
But he knows she can.
He screams as she breaks him, the thin barrier in his mind shattering for her. Because there is nothing Rin can’t break. He knows that. He just always hoped she wouldn’t .
He sees her across the spirit plane. He sees all of their crimes, their destruction. He sees Rin , he sees her mental and physical scars, her cracking mind, her never-ending rage.
Kitay knows this is the end.
“Kitay, please - ”
“Don’t,” he says. “Just - go ahead. But don’t.” Because he knows. He knows she loves him. He knows what happens to people she loves. It’ll be easier if he can pretend she hates him.
Speer reappears around him and Kitay slumps forwards, falling into Rin’s arms. He’s tired. He’s so fucking tired, and everything hurts. She lowers him to the ground, so gently, and his eyes meet hers. They’re glowing red, but he sees the heartbreak in them.
I love you , he thinks. I’ll always love you .
Horror flashes in her face. He can feel it through the bond, too. He sees every emotion as it crosses her face. He knows exactly what she’s thinking. And Kitay remembers that night in the Sorqan Sira’s tent, when Rin was so close to breaking him. “Rin, please ”, he had said. And she had stopped.
He’d been a fool to think he could stop her by fighting her. That’s never been their way. Rin burns and burns and burns, forging her path to destruction and Kitay follows her with a bucket of water, begging her to stop. Begging her to not become the monster she’s proven herself capable of being.
Kitay holds her gaze, pleading her to not break the only promise that matters.
“You’re hurting me,” he whispers.
Rin physically flinches, making a noise of abject horror and her hand flies off his neck. The relief that floods him is cut short by a sharp, burning pain that only enhances the feeling of his entire body being broken. The last thing he sees before he passes out is Rin curled over him, trying to protect him from the worst of the shock.
When he wakes up, Rin is standing above him, facing Nezha. The knife is between them. Nezha is arguing, eyes desperate and anxious, trying to reason with Rin.
But there’s never any reasoning with Fang Runin.
Kitay knows what she wants to do. He knows it’s the only way forward. He’s known it for quite a while, but he didn’t want to admit it to himself. Kitay doesn’t want to die.
How will the world be fixed without him? Regret floods him and he nearly chokes from the weight of it. You should have stopped her sooner. You should have made her see reason when she still could. You should have burned Nezha’s fucking letters before she got the chance to see him.
But he didn’t. And now he knows what he has to do.
Rin glances down at him, asking for permission. That’s how he knows she’s back. Her hand is steady on the knife. Her shoulders are squared.
The world has never given her a choice in anything. It just wants to keep hurting her. This is Rin’s final, selfless act. But it’s also her final fuck you to the world. It’s her choice. And Kitay won’t take that away from her. An odd sort of peace washes over him. He might have failed Nikan. But he hasn’t failed Rin. He gives her a nod because it hurts too much to speak. But there is nothing more that needs to be said beyond that consent.
Kill us. I’d rather die with your love than live with your anger.
She grasps Nezha’s hand, and the boy looks so scared. Kitay’s struck by the glowing red of Rin’s eyes, the tattered blue of Nezha’s uniform. The lightning that passes between them is a good representation of their relationship, he thinks. Volatile, unstable, destructive. This was always how it was going to end.
Kitay feels a piercing pain in his heart, then nothing.
In the dark, cold, spectral world, the Phoenix wails. Two figures surge towards each other, colliding in a tight embrace. The universe screams, knowing it can no longer fulfill its promise.
Nothing lasts.
Rin and Kitay did.