Chapter Text
Namaari sat at the edge of her bed, leaning forward with her hands clasped in front of her knees. Her thoughts swirled around like an angry Druun, and she couldn’t grasp onto one long enough to think of the proper course of action.
Raya had really found Sisu, and the dragon nerd in her, long hidden, stirred awake and rejoiced at that. She had felt hope for the first time after that meeting in Spine, and she had been so excited that they could finally fix the world, fix what she had broken all those years ago, that she completely forgot what it meant for Fang. Of course, her mother had not. She had seen that bringing back Sisu would only be bad for the people, and Namaari needed to put the people of Fang first. But that meant they would have to capture Sisu, the divine last dragon! How could they do that?
Thump! The dull noise of something hitting her windowsill snapped her out of her thoughts. Curious, she stood up and strode over. Sitting there was a little red package tied to a slip of paper. She grabbed the paper first, unfolding it. There, written in a loopy scrawl, was a message: “Namaari, this is Raya. I know we haven’t been friends for a long time, but some part of me still remembers what it was like to meet someone my age who loved the same things I did. I thought you were the coolest person alive back then, and I’m hoping some part of that little girl I became friends with is still within you. The world is broken, and we need your help fixing it. Please accept my gift to you, and if you agree, send a signal and meet us at the cliffs outside of Fang tomorrow morning with the last piece of the Dragon Gem. We’re counting on you, dep la.”
She unwrapped the package with slightly trembling fingers and found her golden Sisu pendant, the blue gem in the middle winking at her in the light. Her breath caught. Raya had kept it, even after she betrayed her and destroyed her home. She fingered the dragon’s body, thinking about what could have been had she not done what she had done. But she knew what she had to do. Fang always, always, came first. Even before the divine Sisudatu herself. She would do what was right for her people because they were all that mattered. Not the Princess of Heart, and certainly not Kumandra. So why did her heart feel so heavy when she grabbed the crossbow and strapped it on her back? Why did it feel hard to swallow, like she had done something very, very, wrong?
She glanced once more around her room, and sent up a flare, walking towards her mother’s quarters. When she entered, Virana was just preparing for bed. She turned around, one eyebrow arching in silent question. Namaari couldn’t find the words to express her thoughts, so she simply handed her mother the note. Virana scanned over it, then took in Namaari’s attire and the crossbow strapped across her back, and her eyes shone with pride. She retrieved Fang’s Gem from its place on her scepter and handed it to Namaari, letting her wrap it in the red cloth. Placing a gentle hand on Namaari’s shoulder, her mother said,
“I am so proud of you, my little morning mist. You have shown yourself to be a true Princess of Fang, and no matter what happens, know that you have my blessing.”
Namaari nodded, trying to swallow past the lump in her throat. She knew something was wrong when even her mother’s approval did not cure the queasiness in her stomach or the aching of her heart. She knew what had to be done though, and she would do it, even if it killed her.
She arrived at the cliffs just as the sun was cresting the horizon. She set her crossbow down behind a small rock and Fang’s piece of the Gem on top of it. Turning her back to the forest, she watched the sunrise. The sky lightened, deep purple fading into blue, and streaks of orange and yellow painting the sky with color. They heralded the appearance of the sun, a brilliant ball of light that rose majestically like a queen with all the time in the world. She took out the Sisu pendant and stared at it, thinking about what she was about to do. She stood there for a while longer, fiddling with the pendant, listening to the sounds of her home, and watching the sun begin her slow journey across the sky when she heard a rustle from the forest.
Turning around, she saw Raya emerge. Her traitorous heart beat a little bit faster at the sight of her. As always, she looked beautiful, but this time, there was something vulnerable in her expression. That look shattered the already broken pieces of Namaari’s heart, intensifying the ache that would forever be there, reminding her of a love that would never happen.
“I saw you got my gift.”
Namaari was functioning on autopilot now, not even hearing her response as she drank in the sight of Raya, her warm brown eyes, the silky black hair, the cuff on her arm, the red cloak billowing around her. She knew that after this, the other girl would never trust her again, never be this close to her again. She needed to remember every detail of her before it was too late and she was gone. Before she knew it, Sisu had appeared, and Raya said something about the last piece, and then she was grabbing her crossbow and pointing at them. She saw the exact moment Raya’s expression shifted, that tiny spark of vulnerability being extinguished, likely for good this time, and her eyes hardening into that familiar mask of hatred. Namaari welcomed it, knew that she deserved it. A group of others, her friends perhaps, burst out of the forest, and she swung the crossbow toward them.
“Don’t move!”
With shaking hands, she pointed the crossbow back at Raya and Sisu. Raya was pleading with her, saying it didn’t have to be like this. And then Sisu was stepping forward, her fur shining with an ethereal glow, saying that she trusted her. Namaari was frantic. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, they were supposed to just come with her. Her finger unconsciously tightened on the trigger, and Raya’s hand inched closer to her sword. When it was half-pressed, Raya’s sword flew onto the edge, knocking it sideways, and Namaari reflexively pressed the trigger, watching in horror as the bolt flew right. Into. Raya’s. Chest. She crumpled to the ground, the last look in her eyes one of grief, shock, and betrayal.
Namaari snapped awake, sitting up sharply in bed and gasping for air that just would not come into her lungs. The moon shone brightly through her window as she buried her head in her hands. Vivid images from the dream flashed in cycles around her head. Raya slumping to the ground, Namaari’s crossbow bolt buried in her. She knew she wouldn’t be getting any more sleep tonight.
It had been a year since that fateful day, yet nightmares still plagued Namaari most nights. The last time she had been able to get a completely uninterrupted sleep was when Raya had stayed over after fulfilling her emissary duties. Tossing her blankets to the side and swinging herself out of bed, Namaari grabbed her twin swords and headed for the door.
It was a muggy summer night in Fang. The crickets chirped, and the leaves and grass rustled with the slightest breeze in the air. The moon shone bright and strong, illuminating the lush landscape in a wash of soft light. Namaari strode purposefully toward the training fields. There was a line of straw dummies, as always, at the end of the field. And so she committed herself to her training, as she had done so many times before. She burned like a wildfire, hacking and slashing and turning around, moving to a rhythm only known to her own body. She lost herself in the familiar movements, letting the ache of her muscles overcome the fog in her mind. When her mother found her, it was light out already. Virana’s brow was creased with worry as she looked at her daughter, but she didn’t mention anything, knowing that Namaari had her own way of dealing with things.
“Come, my love. You must take a bath and then join me for breakfast. I want to speak with you afterward.”
She placed a guiding hand on Namaari’s shoulder, gently steering her back in the direction of the palace.
“You know, if you ever wanted to talk about it, I will listen.”
Namaari looked into her mother’s eyes and saw nothing but sincerity and love there. She dropped her gaze to her feet, her response quiet and barely audible.
“I know, mother. Just not this one.”
They walked the rest of the way in silence. As they reached the steps of the palace, her mother headed for General Atitaya, no doubt to get her morning report, and Namaari headed to her room to bathe. She found that one of the maids had already drawn her a bath, doubtless after she had found Namaari’s room empty. She quickly stripped off her clothes, slipping into the lukewarm water with a satisfied groan. Letting the water soothe the burning in her muscles, she grabbed a washcloth and began scrubbing down her body, submerging her hair into the water a few times to clean the sweat out of it. When she stepped out, the once clear water had been stained a light gray color. Toweling off her body and hair, she slipped into a fresh pair of clothes, baggy white pants with a sleeveless top. She then clipped on her golden earring and armbands, quickly brushed her teeth, and headed towards her private dining room.
Her mother was already waiting when Namaari arrived, with two plates of rice and steaming soup arrayed in front of her. Namaari offered a perfunctory bow, her hands automatically forming a circle before she dropped in front of her food and dug in. The best thing about Kumandra: they got to eat proper foods again. Halfway through the meal, Namaari noticed her mother was being strangely silent. There were no thinly-veiled inquiries towards her wellbeing, no reports about Fang’s reconstruction efforts, no discussion of what Atitaya had told her this morning. Namaari frowned.
“Mother, what’s wrong?” she asked, concerned. Virana sighed.
“I’d hoped to save this conversation for after breakfast, but I suppose it is uncomfortable eating in silence.” She seemed uncharacteristically nervous. “You are nineteen now, Namaari, and growing into a fine young woman. However, you are also old enough to receive suitors. In fact, the list of young men and women who wish to court you is astounding. To put it simply, I believe that it would be best for you if you found someone to court. I know you do not wish to have a relationship, but you should start exploring one. It is part of your responsibilities as the princess and future chief, after all. I will give you until the end of our visit to Heart to give me an answer as to whom you wish to court.”
Namaari had suddenly lost her appetite. Her mother wanted her to… be with someone else? Romantically? She could barely handle managing Fang and her friendship with Raya at the same time, how was she supposed to engage in a courtship with somebody else? She really didn’t want to… but she was required to. There was only one choice in this situation, really. She’d just have to be brave enough to go through with it. Her mother was watching her carefully, no doubt trying to gauge her reaction.
“Okay,” Namaari said shakily, hating the way her voice trembled. “After we come back from our week-long trip to Heart, I will have an answer for you.” Virana nodded, satisfied.
***
Raya was excited. She hadn’t seen Namaari in close to a month, and she couldn’t wait to see her friend again, for a week too! It was hard getting their schedules to align, with Namaari shouldering most of the burden of Fang’s reconstruction and Raya constantly traveling all across Kumandra. She was taking a month-long break now, and she was so glad she wouldn’t miss this visit. Fang was coming to rehash the terms of their supplies deal with Heart, and then staying (longer than usual) so the two princesses could catch up and Virana could learn more about Heart’s culture.
Raya, however, was overly excitable and pretty impatient. So impatient, in fact, that after 2 hours of her pacing all over the entry hall, her Ba sent her to her room to read a book and promised her that he’d send Namaari to see her as soon as she arrived. Raya was sitting cross-legged on her bed, flipping through a book on dragons (hey, she was still a dragon nerd, what else would she read) when Namaari burst in. The small smile curling up her face dropped when she looked up and took in Namaari’s disheveled state, with her hair slightly mussed as she caught her breath. She quirked an eyebrow.
“Namaari?”
“I need you to be my fake girlfriend.”
“… What?” She stared at the other girl with a mixture of shock and bemusement.
“My mother said that I’m of age now, so I need to start looking for potential suitors. I don’t want to be with anyone else though, and we’re really good friends, so can you be my fake girlfriend?”
Raya was sure her mouth was hanging open at this point. Thousands of thoughts whirled through her mind, and she was unable to form comprehensive sentences. Was it good that Namaari came to her to ask this? Why did she only want to be fake girlfriends? Did she not feel the same way? But one look into Namaari’s eyes, and she knew what she would say. The vulnerable, desperate look that those brown orbs held made her resolve crumble. She blew out a gust of breath.
“Okay.”
The look in Namaari’s eyes was so profoundly relieved that Raya couldn’t bring herself to regret her decision.
“So… what would I have to do?”
Namaari smiled, a genuine, warm, smile, and Raya’s heart started fluttering.
“Not much, actually. We spend a lot of time together anyway, so we can definitely keep doing that. I know that you’re busy being an emissary, and that’s a really important job, but you could spend more time in Fang with me. I think it would be nice if you helped me with reconstruction and expansion efforts when you came over, so we could present a united front. Then, when we want a break, we can go to Heart and hang out together.”
Raya smiled softly.
“Wow, you really thought this through, huh? I’d be honored to be your fake girlfriend, dep la. As our first date, might I propose a proper tour of Heart?”
Namaari nodded enthusiastically, and Raya grabbed her hand, twining their fingers together as she dragged her out the door.