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The Horrors of Lady Talk

Summary:

Not much was known about the ever optimistic Captain Marvel, but there was one thing that every League member could concur with: he knew next to nothing about women....

(And he was very good at proving it!)

Notes:

No Billy Batsons were hurt in the making of this fic.... maybe his pride....enjoy

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

There were many things that could be said about the Captain. To some, he was immature, or annoying. Like when he'd doze off during meetings in his own lala land and Batman would glare daggers at the large demigod, his perpetually scowling face somehow gaining more anger lines. Or when Wonder Woman felt the need to remind Marvel that he was a grown adult whenever he got clocked in the face hard in a fight because he was distracted telling dad jokes. ("In the midst of a battle!", she'd yell.)

To Barry Allen, though, Captain Marvel is a cheery muffin with the body of a tank. A stud muffin, if you will. The guy was always smiling. Even after being scolded or reprimanded by his peers- Even when said peers looked down on him, he always smiled.

....So....

You'd think such a charismatic guy would have a line of ladies wanting to see when he was getting off his heroing duties.

No.

No, he doesn't.

Why?

Barry watched as Captain Marvel told the beautiful blonde babe hanging off his arm that he didn't drink coffee, suggesting that Green Lantern loves coffee. ("Perhaps he'd like to go with you.", the red clad hero had added.)

Captain Marvel didn't know the first thing about women. He looked so confused when the lady looked him up and down, then Lantern, and scoffed.

Hal, who had been grinning with high hopes, deflated as the pretty civilian left.

"Ouch.", he sympathized as he made his way over.

"Ouch is right. How is this even possible?", Hal almost whined, giving the captain's shoulder a light punch, "Nice try though man. Appreciate it."

The captain's brow knit in confusion, the man looked like he lost the ability to understand English, "Did I say something offensive? Maybe I should have just gone with her."

At that, the other two hero's shared a look, Barry feeling his amusement bubble up into a few snickers.

Captain Marvel's confusion doubled.

"I'm missing something, right?"

Barry wheezed, pulling himself together enough to answer his larger companion, "Don't sweat it Marvel."

"Yeah, You're doing great.", Hal gave him a thumbs up before leading the group back to a boom tube, more stray laughs trailing along with them as they went.

***********

It had been about a month later and everyone had heard about the hilarity of Captain Marvel and his lady skills. Oliver remembered Wonder woman scoffing over it, believing that he was too immature for adult exchanges. He and Dinah had a good laugh over it, both then noticing their peers irritated twitch. Wonder woman had been very stressed lately so he didn't hold it against her.

Oliver made his way to the cafeteria and spotted the man himself, sitting at one of the corner tables with a little leather book in hand that he was eyeing, "Hey Captain! Mind if I join you?"

Marvel adjusted his grip on the book, giving the man a brilliantly bright grin, "Of course. Anything I can help you with?", he shut the book entirely, sending it away in a little vortex of sorts.

"Ah, no...", Oliver gave the man a look, curiosity getting the better of him, "Actually, I've noticed you've never come to any of my mixers I've done."

Marvel's smile turned apologetic about to shoot the man down like every other time, but the blonde had other plans, "Is it because you have no plus one?"

"A..", Marvel looked down at the table, his eyes the ones of a man in a debate. His head toddled one way and then to the other before recognition donned on him, "O-oh! No, no I don't- Well I don't have one, but that's not why-"

"You don't?", he grinned, watching his peer squirm for footing in the conversation, "I could arrange something if you'd like? What's your type?"

"My type- I-I- I'm not-"

"Blonde's? Brunette's?", Oliver interjected, noticing a few curious eyes settling on them as he continued, "I don't know why, but I get the feeling that your into plumpy women, short curvy ones."

The captain's face went red, eyes begging to be sent to another dimension in that moment. Oliver felt he'd hit the nail on the head, a sly grin taking over as he reached to elbow the demigod, "Ooooh boy, big guy likes a big woman eh? More to ya, I say."

A figure slid in next to him at the table, pinching Green Arrows side, "Stop terrorizing the man. He'll get there on his own."

The shapely woman at his side smiled so sweetly, offering the Captain a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Don't mind him Captain, he's not being serious."

"I can make it hap-", another harsh pinch of his skin had him shutting up.

Dinah leaned against Arrow, poking his shoulder, "Let people be."

"Oh, he was no trouble, really.", Marvel replied, grateful smile contradicting his words, "And for the mixers-", he directed at Oliver, "It's not because of the plus one. There are other... things that prevent-"

"-It's okay, I'm not that nosey Cap.", Oliver huffed, rubbing the sore skin of his arm, "Not about the mixer anyway."

....

"But.", Green Arrow readied himself for any attacks from his love as he continued, "You want me to hook you up- OW! DEVIL WOMAN!!!"

*************

It was strange, Marvel thought, going on a mission with just Batman. The two had been on plenty of missions before, but there had always been someone else tagging along. The perfect buffer to keep Batman distracted from the demigods presence.

Sad as it was to admit, but he knew the man didn't much care for his cheery self, or perhaps he just didn't have the patience to deal with how 'immature' he was. He'd heard plenty of people give small side comments, or Wonder Woman's declarations.

The air was cool and quiet as they made their way to a lonely, abandoned warehouse who's metal bones groaned in protest against the wind. The mission had been a mess, not enough variables and all the particulars didn't make any connections. All they new, was there was magic of some sort in Gotham and Batman wanted it gone. Marvel had been the only magic user available.

He'd seen batman go to literally everyone else before approaching him. And on the whole way there, the dark knight had reiterated the importance of being absolutely quiet. ("This isn't an all guns blazing kind of mission. We're gathering intelligence and- if I give the signal- we'll intervene.")

As soon as they landed, Marvel's eyes glowed golden with his enchanting whispers and then went away, his entire suit going from it's vibrant, glorious self, to a plain dull, black color. It had taken three months to get that spell down, but the look (more like twitch) of astonishment on Batmans face when he saw a black clad demigod floating beside him made it all worth it.

The calculating man eyed him for a moment as though to ingraine this ability down before making the warehouse his top priority again, "I'll take the back, head to the far right window."

A quiet nod was returned before Marvel glided the opposite direction as Batman, passing by a few loose two-by-fours that seemed out of place out there. He didn't pay much heed to them, the only notable thing being the strangely vibrant green clover poking out one of them.

Up the side of the tired old metal, he scaled, peering through a shattered window with a spike of surprise coursing about him as the heavy and vibrant green color of plant life came into view. While not quite the melodic and tranquil kind of beauty that nature normally expressed (what with the almost ominously thick vegetation covering the majority of the warehouse all the way up to the ceiling), it still drew out a tiny gasp of awe and wonder from the man's lips. He pressed a hand to his ear piece Batman had issued him, whispering ever so softly, "Are you seeing this?"

"Marvel stick to radio silence- phssshhh - derstood?", the other line crackled out until the line cut off completely.

"Batman? Did you go in?"

He felt a strange pulse come from inside the building, all the vines swaying his way before dropping back down to their natural resting positions. It was a pull on him- on the magic in his veins. It was a sweet breeze trying to coax his very soul forward. But... too sweet- almost sickeningly sweet like a cool mist of sugar water on an hot day. Nice in the moment, but sticky and heavy right after.

Something wasn't right, and he knew that his comrade was in there.

He just knew it.

The large man twisted and contorted to the best of his ability so as to not alert anyone of his arrival by knocking out any of the glass shards still clinging to the windows frame. It was harder than expected, but he managed well enough, instantly slinking into the shadows that the boggy green life provided.

Now.

Where would I go if I was a paranoid old man investigating a creepy indoors jungle?, Marvel speculated silently as he dodged a few mossy bushes.

He continued on, commanding the outside magical forces pressing against him to smooth right over like water to oil. The magic here felt tainted- almost... wrong. He'd have none of it in his system, and he didn't want it in Batmans either, but the earpieces weren't working.

Out of nowhere, a vine swung out, making a grab at his waist that he narrowly dodged, ready for another strike, but bewildered when none came.

What was this?

Then there was pink. The color seeped through the vines like a fog and Marvel flew just above it, the tip of his boots dipping in with no negative effects. The fog had no trace of magic at all... how curious. He summoned a little vial and condensed the fog into a liquid, quietly tucking the now capped glass tube into a little vortex.

The Dark Knight would probably want to study that later.

Where are you Batman?

The captain paused in his pushing through the dangling leaves when hushed voices hit his ears, like chattering little children. A little giggle carried and the vines swayed again, this time around the man's large figure, softly brushing passed him. One vine lifted like a limb, a leaf softly pressing against his cheek with a swift caress. Another vine slapped the leaf away, seemingly strangling the offending plant until it went limp.

More giggles.

Okay- creepy plants and puffy pink fog- this place is perfect horror story material., he thought.

And where in the heck was-

"Batman~", a soft, feminine voice cooed, "How inappropriate, falling asleep in my vines."

Marvel froze, heart jumping at the dangers of that sentence. He spread the vines apart, straining to listen as he watched none other than poison ivy standing in front of a dazed Dark Knight, vines coiling around his limbs and chest slowly, all giving soft caresses.

"To think, such a smart man can become brain dead by the persuasion of a woman. Isn't that right my little baby girls?", she reached out a hand, tenderly stroking some vines that reached out to her, "Men are just so silly, aren't they?", she pressed a harsher tone into the last two syllables, eyes going sharp as they flicked towards him.

Captain's eyes widened and he made to zoom anywhere- up- away- to batman, but the vines were everywhere, wrapping around him and letting the magic seep into him, paralyzing his muscles. He struggled, thrashing around as best he could until he had gone weak and limp against the tight hold.

The woman's molasses smooth laugh made him gulp, Creepy old lady.

"And you! I don't think I've had the pleasure of meeting you before.", she moved forward in a quick glide, the vines clinging to her desperately, bending to her will, "Poison Ivy", she greeted with a smirk, "And you must be the not-so- famous Captain Marvel."

He glared, not wanting to give the manipulative woman a good back-and-forth that she no doubt enjoyed with a dark sort of amusement.

"Aww, don't be like that. I'd like to keep you around a little longer.", she watched carefully as a leaf caressed the big guys cheek, playfully tickling at his chin, "The babies seem to like you."

With a defiant yank, the red clad hero turned his head away, eyes still drilling holes into the villain's head. Two more "babies" squished against either cheek, guiding his head back forward before sliding under his chin. That's when his eyes caught the shiny glint of the yellow gem around Ivy's neck, pupils shrinking a bit.

"Ahh, very perceptive too. More so than your friend.", the vines around Batman suddenly tightened, "And he's supposed to be a detective."

"You let him go.", he finally spoke, his brows never wavering in their hard furrow.

Red hair flicked casually as Poison Ivy leaned back a bit, looking at the dark spandex clad man for a moment, "Hmm... no. I don't squander opportunities such as this. He's a thorn in my side.", she moved her hand up, the vines following along and making the glazed eyed hero rise towards them.

Batmans head toddled to one side, all life non-existent in him besides the faint rising and falling of his chest. A desperation coiled in Marvel's gut at the sight of his fearless leader's hopelessness. It was wrong.

He bared his teeth, quickly reigning in the rising anger when he caught Ivy's smirk. This wasn't the time to loose his head, "What do you want?"

"Right now?", she gave a breath of a laugh, pulling the large man to her, flickering a side glance at the Dark Knight, "I want to know why my vines are so drawn to you. And you-", she opened her palm up to her lips, blowing and letting a puff of pink mist push against his face directly, "-are going to help me, big boy."

It was an inopportune time to gasp, but he did, the unknown substance crawling like heavy liquid through his system. Just before his eyes could glaze over completely he uttered a few words in his scramble to remain in control.

Then everything went foggy.

He heard soft sultry words calling out to him, urging him forward, and he responded- heaven only knows what he said back, but he could feel the rumble of his vocal cords, the sloppy movement of his mouth- something physically tightened around his waist, little soft touches littering his chest and arms as his brain struggled to comprehend the small sensations around him.

And then, the enchantment kicked in. He knew so when he could hear the wild and rampant thoughts of his companion; most of it being small phrases like mayday danger danger, Marvel's in danger, you're both in danger.

"Batman!"

His voice echoed in the other man's consciousness, "Batman listen to me, it's Marvel!"

".... Captain?", a feeling of uncertainty and caution reeled away from Captain's presence in an attempt to to hide all emotion, "What is this? Are you real?"

"Yes, and I need you're help- Poison Ivy has a stone around her neck. I'd snatch it myself, but her vines are sucking the life out of me."

"I can't very well move at the moment either, Marvel.", the Dark Knights voice sneered back.

"But you can- I was able to move my consciousness over here, and in doing so, have created a pocket of my own magic to protect me from your mind snuffing me out.", he rattled, his voice echoing around like a call in a cave, "I'll use this pocket to speed up your immune system to filter out this sappy gas stuff and you just gotta rip off the necklace- you'll have the element of surprise!"

The drawn in emotions and thoughts went completely quiet, Marvel wondering if he perhaps lost the connection. Of course that couldn't be since he's clearly not in his own head at the moment. Which, thinking on it now, was the weirdest thing to so casually acknowledge. Was this what Martian Manhunter felt like? (Probably not)

"What will happen to your consciousness? You just want me to let you lose your brain in my head?", the voice growled incredulously. To him. About him. On behalf of his safety.

He was almost too shocked to respond, Batman seeming to take his silence as a quiet agreement as he snarled, "I'm not having a teammate die in my head."

"I-I never said you would, this is only a part of me- the part that can regenerate.", he gave a pathetic laugh as his first thought rang to his mind, "Left my human mind at home."

(More like the center of Billy's mind, but same difference)

"... And this... part won't be destroyed?"

"Not for long. I'll reform back in my own body the moment I'm no longer connected to the flow of magic."

A dribble of emotions Marvel couldn't quite place began to swirl about so slowly, almost feeling for him. He made his presence known, reassurance blossoming, "Alright. Here we go. Don't startle when you get your barrings, stay perfectly still. 3.. 2.. 1"

----------

The first thing Marvel woke to was a harsh slap on the face, like, bone splitting kinds of harsh, "Get up- wake up, Marvel!"

[Ah, it's Batman. I've made him mad again.]

"What, no- Marvel, Poison Ivy is down for now, but I need your help.", large hands shook him about, summoning his eyes open.

[Had I said that aloud? Am I talking right now?]

His eyes were heavy and he'd rather go back to sleep, but Batman sounded very distressed- where were they? The Dark Knight had mentioned-

"Poison Ivy, Marvel. The warehouse- our investigation- remember?!", the man whisper shouted, picking up Marvel's dense body as high as he could before dropping him, startling the man awake.

"Holy Cannoli- mmph-", The Captain's pupils shrunk at the gloved hand smothering his mouth.

"Quiet."

Finally, Marvel's mind had cleared and he saw the burning vines all around them. The crackling of flames and hissing of scorched semi-sentiant plants made his thoughts reel, [Just what had happened?]

Perhaps in the silence, Batman had heard his voiceless question because the man held out a hand, helping his teammate up with a tired sigh, "I couldn't get the gem, so I dealt with the vines instead. Set off a couple bombs.", he then pulled an eye piece out of no where, fastening it over his head as he continued, "Sorry about blowing you up. I figured you could handle it."

That's when the demigod noticed his tattered and burned up suite, quirking an amused brow, "Yeah, I'm already healed."

[Better find some caffeine when I get home though, don't wanna pass out before helping Mrs. Oaklberry tonight.]

Batman paused in front of him, looking back and eyeing him curiously. Before Marvel could comment on his odd behavior, an angered shriek came barreling at them, flaming vines whipping and clinging together as they grew near. The Dark knight cursed under his breath as he grabbed at a batarang- too slow as his footing was swept away by a good, thick clump of vegetation.

Marvel was too busy beating a wall of them to help, straining as he circulated a protective flow of magic to keep out the foul tainted force trying to stab at him.

"Well!", an annoyed feminine voice sneered, "I was being so hospitable and this is the thanks I get!?"

She waved a hand and the wall attacking Marvel slid over and smothered Batman, his angered growls muffled as the vegetation continued to pile up. Marvel was whispering a few incantations as he shot lightning at the woman, Poison Ivy trying to dodge and getting struck in the shoulder-

-he was aiming for the stone.

Before he could finish his incantation that would have freed his teammate, a vine shoved itself in his mouth, swelling and growing so as to fill his mouth entirely. He chomped down, gnashing disgusting bitter plant fluids before spitting them out and flying to the clump around Batman. He ripped vines away, finding a boot and pulling until Batman was out, though looking very nauseated and sick.

Were the vines poisoness?

"Batman? Can you walk?"

[I'm seriously out of my element with gothams villains.]

The flames were getting bigger, his teammate needed medical attention, aaaand- the woman was back up. Great.

She clutched her shoulder and took note of the nearly incapacitated hero in Marvel's arms, "You pack quite a punch."

"I try.", he shifted batman, now holding him on his side with one arm as the other reared back in warning, "Now give me that gem."

"This?", she lifted the yellow crystal and eyed him, practically forgetting her shoulder, "No Thanks. But I'd be willing to trade."

"Trade?", he held his teammate closer.

Ivy caught the movement and cackled incredulously, "You think I mean him?"

[What?]

"You- you don't want... him?"

What else could she be talking about? She had wanted to kill him earlier, said it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. But something in the back of his mind was curious- a terrible characteristic in this line of work, but...

"And what could that be?"

"You don't know?", she trailed closer, scittering vines writhing about in a pathetic attempt to assist her- too weak from the heat.

A slithering sense of unease settled in his shoulders as she rose her hands in a momentary truce, all the plants going silent and limp. This was a trick right? He opened a vortex he usually saved for books and such and tossed his teammate in it, whispering a quick enchantment to make sure Batman could still breath in there.

[Hopefully he doesn't mess with the rock while he's in there.]

"Wha- oh my.", she giggled, "You're really something else. I'm sure he'll be very angry later."

"Oh well. What do you want?"

He had to get that gem, but making a deal with this woman wasn't wise.

[I'll hear her out and if it's ridiculous I'll just knock her out as quick as possible... that sounds reasonable.]

"You haven't guessed yet?- not as clever as I thought.", she came alarmingly close, poking his chest before batting her eyelashes.

The word was like being on the top floor of a skyscraper and getting hit by a flying bus- mind boggling and paralyzing. She said it so quietly and yet it rang so loudly in his ears, "You."

"M-me?"

[She wants me? That doesn't make sense at all!!!]

As though she could read his very mind, the woman smiled so sweetly, albeit the expression couldn't have been genuine when directed at him as her eyes glimmered something mischievous, "I can tell when people are lonely, And you my dear, reek of isolation."

[That's not fair.. It's true but- Where's Batman when you need him, oh yeah- in the rock of eternity- CUZ I THREW HIM THERE!!!!!]

"So?"

"Why would I need you?", his hands trembled at the thought of how she might use him like a battery or cage him like a trophy- parade him around in his civilian form and mock the Justice league-

[I'm gonna punch her-]

He froze.

Her hands curled around his own as he called out to Achilles in his head.

"Think about it, just you and me, and all this raw power- you're what I'm missing in this little escapade of mine.", she pushed him back a few steps before grabbing the back of his neck, "Someone strong and- well- quite handsome too..."

[Wait handsome? What's that gotta do with any of this?]

"We don't have to be lonely anymore...."

***********

"Get up- wake up, Marvel!", Bruce ground out after giving the Captain a good wack. That bomb couldn't have taken out Poison Ivy for long, not when she'd put up such a thick barrier of vines before it went off.

[Ah, it's Batman. I've made him mad again.]

Batman startled at the crystal clear voice, like Marvel had been wide awake this whole time. He quickly responded, "What, no- Marvel, Poison Ivy is down for now, but I need your help."

[Had I said that aloud? Am I talking right now?]

No, no he hadn't, Bruce realized as he heard the voice of his teammate ring through his head, [Marvel can you hear me?]

There was no response other than confused and rambling thoughts from the demigod that were echoing too loudly in his head to comprehend, "Poison Ivy, Marvel. The warehouse- our investigation- remember?!", when the man merely groaned, Bruce shook his head, too tired to care for manners as he began to lift the man.

[Why do you weigh 600 pounds- for heavens sakes!?]

*THUD*

The idiot then made some southern grandmother exclamation for all near by to hear. Bruce, as quick as ever, shoved his hand over Marvel's loud mouth, "Quiet."

A spike of shock ran about his mind before easing into curiosity, Marvel looking around, [Just what had happened?]

Bruce took pity on his surprisingly helpful teammate, (though he wasn't ready to voice that thought just yet) lending a hand as he explained. He was getting out a precision eye piece to see better through all the fire when the memory of an incapacitated Captain Marvel Body flew across the warehouse, black suite set aflame. Not his finest of deeds to say the least- Bruce owed the man an apology, "Sorry about blowing you up. I figured you could handle it."

"Yeah, I'm already healed.", the demigods voice said from behind him.

[Better find some caffeine when I get home though, don't wanna pass out before helping Mrs. Oaklberry tonight.]

Bruce stopped at that. A Mrs. Oaklberry? There couldn't be that many women with that surname in Fawcett right? And then the idea of the Lightning warrior being sleepy struck him with alarm. He'd never seen the hero exhausted after a mission. Just grinning and handing out high fives like a child.

Dread suddenly sunk in him- no- not in him, in Marvel. Bruce had relaxed in a mission, ran his mind over something that didn't take precedence and now he was suffering the consequences of it. Plants pulled over and oozed and squeezed- he couldn't breath, the blasted stuff getting in his mouth and making him feel woozy. The only thing he could focus on being his teammates worried state pulsing in his mind.

There were muffled shouts and the plants above him doubled in weight, crushing his already failing lungs as his attempt to call out to Marvel turned into a mangled snarl.

A sharp concentration shot through the mind connection and a loud noise sounded- it was too much to take in as he struggled to breath, the fire on the plants burning him and sucking up what little oxygen there was-

-and so suddenly it was all gone, the weight, the burning, the suffocating- his head still thumped and ached but the protective urgency that was filling his skull made everything lighter.

A few words were spoken but he couldn't decipher a single one of them.

[I'm seriously out of my element with gothams villains.]

[You and me both Marvel.]

["You pack quite a punch."]

That wasn't the Captain. Why could he hear Ivy? His head ached again and focusing on the connection became too hard. Time passed though he wasn't sure how much as his body was suddenly air born- The Captain threw him!? Agony coursed through his bones as he landed on a cool, hard surfaces....

But his head felt lighter. A few more seconds passed and his head felt no pain at all.

[Hopefully he doesn't mess with the rock while he's in there.]

"The rock?", his voice came out hoarse and he coughed a few times, finally opening his eyes and-

"What the-"

["Wha- oh my."], the harlot giggled, ["You're really something else. I'm sure he'll be very angry later."]

Marvel demanded something after that but Wayne was a little preoccupied with a ginormous, magnificent, red crystal like rock that had what looked to be perhaps topaz and amber all through out it. He didn't even realized that his body no longer ached as he stood up to inspect it, his teammates thoughts cutting him off.

[I'll hear her out and if it's ridiculous I'll just knock her out as quick as possible... that sounds reasonable.]

"Best plan this mission has seen yet.", Bruce mused as he touched the surprisingly warm stone.

["You haven't guessed yet?- not as clever as I thought."]

"Are they bargaining the gem-"

["You."], Ivy's voice echoed, and Bruce cursed, running to the wall he had most likely fallen from to find a way out there. She was going to kiss him- Does Marvel know about her poison kisses? Bruce felt shame and anger as he pounded at the rock wall.

"Dang it Marvel!"

He should have informed him.

[She wants me? That doesn't make sense at all!!!]

[Exactly Captain, follow that train of thought!], The Dark Knight repeated in his own head, hoping desperately that the demigod could hear him.

["I can tell when people are lonely, And you my dear, reek of isolation."]

Ha, she's lost. Someone as social as the Red Cheese had to have swarms of people around-

[That's not fair.. It's true but- Where's Batman when you need him, oh yeah- in the rock of eternity- CUZ I THREW HIM THERE!!!!!]

No. That couldn't be right. Yes he had been distant when it came to personal stuff but surely-.... Bruce knew nothing about who Captain Marvel was at all. Who's to say he really is that happy on the inside.

"PULL ME OUT! MARVEL GET ME OUT OF HERE-"

["So?"]

A new horror struck from the Captain, the idea of just what she wanted from him being so far from the truth, and Bruce didn't know whether to thank Marvel's obliviousness or slap him back to life from whatever this fear was.

A determination like hot embers came- [I'm gonna punch her-]

- and left just as suddenly.

[Achilles please-]

["Think about it, just you and me, and all this raw power- you're what I'm missing in this little escapade of mine."], confusion blossomed in the connection, ["Someone strong and- well- quite handsome too..."]

[Wait handsome? What's that gotta do with any of this?]

"Nothing!"

["We don't have to be lonely anymore...."]

It was too late, Bruce could tell from the embarrassed surprise and flash flood of adrenaline that Ivy had already done what she set out to do, his heart sinking-

[AGH! NASTY OLD LADY!]

"What?", Bruce paused, the embarrassment from his companion increasing ten fold, though there was no longer any lingering fear of danger. The the phrase nasty old lady replaying in his mind made him snort, the action surprising him, but-

Poison Ivy, the temptress of death, being called a nasty old lady?

Bruce wished with every fiber of his being that Marvel had said that aloud for that woman to hear. She would never live it down.

[What was that!? We were supposed to be fighting! This is so embarrassing], More truly upset mutters and thoughts muddled together, the big man obviously very distraught from Poison Ivy's unwanted advances. Bruce couldn't help but sit back and smile amusedly, wondering how this mystery-turned-terror mission could end so comically.

This was the first one he'd had with no one else besides the bulky man. He'd have to ask Cyborg if these sorts of things happened with him too.

[Eugh- she'll need a doctor now.... Ew.]

The wall Bruce had come from began to glow and Marvel's arm appeared from it, summon a pair of cuffs from the corner of the room that Bruce now realized was covered it trinkets in doo-dads.

[No time for that], he decided as he raced towards the retreating hand, barely grasping one of it's fingers and being pulled out of the "rock of eternity" as Marvel had called it.

"Batman! Wait you shouldn't have-"

Too late.

Bruce threw up, all his pains coming back, although the poison from the plants must have filtered out into his vomit if the green goo was anything to go by. He huffed as he grabbed Marvel's arm for stability, "I'd thought that place's effects were permanent."

"No, the rock of eternity exists out of times reach- Do you want to go back? I can get you when we get back to the tower-"

"-No.", while it was a tempting idea to both feel 100% at his best and snoop around the Captain's trinkets, the memory of being completely useless was too fresh, "Let's just go."

He turned away as Marvel hefted the unconscious woman over his shoulder.

[Should I tell him?], he thought, his teammates thoughts, while much quieter now, mingled about in his own.

[I don't want hear his thoughts all day but... I know more about him now then I did yesterday.]

"Marvel."

"Yeah?"

".... Good job today."

The connection turned surprised and yet content, [Oh wow, I thought he'd ask about what happened. That's the first time he's... ]

No, he'd wait to tell him if it didn't go away.

**************

Cyborg waved as Captain Marvel left the cafeteria. Billy going to help Mrs. Oaklberry wash her dogs again for some loose change, or that's what he'd told Victor. Cyborg himself had monitor duty in a little bit and wanted to finish a book before then.

Sadly, life was never fair.

Two bodies plopped down in front of him with matching mischievous grins, marking the end of his peaceful, stress free day.

"Heyyyy Cy.", Flash said with a cheery disposition, "Are you busy Friday evening?"

"Why?", he responded uneasily.

"So we figured-", Green Lantern jumped in before his red clad companion could continue, "-since you're pretty close with the Captain, you could convince him to come to a mixer Superman is setting up in the Cafeteria-"

"-And before you say no- Cuz you totally look like you're about to say no.", the speedster intruded, "So you've noticed how uh- how single the Captain is right? He knows nothing about women."

"I can see where this is going, and I'm telling you now, it won't work.", Cyborg stated with finality. Or that was what he was going for, the two older men just not listening as Green lantern continued.

"But hear us out. Marvel will never show up without his suite- or that's what we're guessing- but in the watchtower it's suites only. So he might actually come- especially if you ask."

They watched him expectantly as though he were some show pony standing at the beginning of an obstacle course. Seconds ticked by but Cyborg wasn't convinced, "... And? There's more to this right?"

"Yes, so-", The Flash leaned forward, voice getting quieter, "-Batman says he has like twelve different women Captain Marvel could meet-"

"-and I'll stop you right there.", Cyborg rested a hand on Barry's shoulder, "As nice as what you're all doing is-", (They even got Batman involved.), "-I can tell you that Captain Marvel is without a doubt not ready for women or romance."

"...."

The chatter from other tables got louder as their staring battle commenced, a steely gaze rivaling two sets of determination. Cyborg won out when Green Lantern sighed, scratching the back of his head, "Flirting has always gone right over his head."

"Yeah, I just wanted to witness it again.", Flash agreed, "Plus, Batman was totally into it too, I wonder what happened on their mission."

"You and the rest of the crew. They're like awkward pals now."

[You owe me Billy], Cyborg thought as he rubbed his temple, willing the time to pass by so he could go to monitor duty.

"Well thanks for your time anyway.", Lantern shrugged before getting up to leave, "I gotta tell Batman its a no go."

And he left in good peace, some weight lifting off Victor's conscience as he deemed the cupid arrow the guys had aimed at Marvel completely evaded. For now. Though there was still one issue that hadn't left the table yet.

"What?", he asked, unimpressed as he looked to two still determined eyes.

"But can you ask him about the mixer? No women, just teammates.", Flash blocked the cafeteria dwellers from hearing his whispering with a hand, "Everyone's got bets on the line and I really need him to show up."

"... give me twenty percent of your winnings and he'll be there.", Victor relented.

Everyone knew Marvel was clueless around women, but they didn't know much else and this was the perfect opportunity to change that- to really connect him with the team on a stronger level than an extra fist in a fight... plus, he could make a little money from it too.

So all's well that ends well.....

("May Billy never get caught up in these idiots shenanigans.", Victor quietly wished as he sent Marvel's communicator a message about friday.)

*•☆°The End °☆•*

Notes:

:)

Ur welcome