Chapter Text
“Hellooooo ladies!”
You thought you were focused on the spreadsheet you were wreaking havoc on, but apparently all it takes is one amiable phrase to break all of that down. You feel your pulse take flight into the same rapid-fire pace it does every day at five on the dot when this happens. Only… it’s four fifty today, just a bit early, and not what you were expecting. Not that you mind. You never mind.
Solar scoffs where she’s putting on her rain jacket, though she can’t keep out the amusement in her tone, “Dr. Jung, what are you doing here? Don’t you have surgery in… twenty minutes?”
“How do you know that?”
“We hear you talking with y/n every day at lunch! You’re so loud!”
Solar and Hwasa aren’t annoyed, in fact, they’re in your office more often than not for shared lunches that you cook for the floor. But they just have to tease him as he makes a habit of poking fun at them about their boyfriends. You peek through the crack in your office door to see Jaehyun chuckling to himself so happily, amused at being called out for his own behavior. The rosy hue of his cheeks compliments his ladybug scrub cap, which indeed means that he’s heading up to the surgical floor.
You laugh yourself, then call out, “Sorry!”
“It’s not your fault!” The head of the department waves down your apology, knowing that most of those lunches you sit there and let him do all the talking just because you like to hear him talk.
“My apologies, you won’t have to deal with me tonight. I’m just here to borrow my wife,” your husband (!!!! you can’t believe you get to call Jaehyun that, even now) explains his presence with a wry chuckle, a funny bow of his head in deference. You grab your purse, turn off your computer, and come out of the office just as he makes his cheeky departure, “Have a great night, see you all tomorrow for lunch!”
Which means he’ll absolutely be as loud as possible talking with you then, just to annoy them.
Jaehyun hugs you to his side when you’re out of the office space, and you lean your head into his chest as you walk towards the hospital exit. You're happy you got to see him, just for a second, he warned you in the morning that he might not be able to stop by to say goodbye before you went home. You don’t know why he’d chosen to stop by now, instead of waiting the extra ten minutes. You kiss his shoulder, then sigh, “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be prepping."
“I can’t say hi before I go? Get my lucky kiss?” he asks with full, devious innocence, anticipating what he’ll be able to weasel out of you before heading to his surgery. Every time he goes into the OR when you’re also in the hospital, he magically appears to find you right before. He swears that he can't do the same medical magic without a kiss from you, but you know it's a ploy. He was a genius before you ever met. (You indulge it every time).
You swerve your head away from his descending mouth and banter, “I kissed you at lunch.”
“I want another,” he pouts, grabby hands moving to hold your cheek so he can at least kiss you there once.
You giggle at the ticklish sensation, then try to push him off you, “You’ll get more at home if you stop bothering me—, oh?”
There, standing by the closest nurses’ station, is that… is that Johnny and Mark? You’re just randomly making that up - the NFL schedule was released today and the 49ers are playing the Browns this season. You made a note thinking maybe you could take a trip to Cleveland to see them in the fall. That's what you're thinking of, right? But no, they’re very much here in matching Hawaiian shirts, John in pink and Mark in orange, and Jaehyun is… he’s running to them? He doesn’t look surprised? What’s going on here?
“You’re late! It’s four fifty-five!” Mark hollers.
Your husband hugs him with much excitement, then slaps Johnny in whatever complicated man-bro-dude-swag handshake they made up at Christmas. The boys have a laptop already set up on the counter ledge, and you are so freaking confused. What’s happening at four fifty-five? Why does Jaehyun know about this, he’d obviously come by the office on purpose.
“What’s going on?" you dumbly interject, standing at the back of the huddle of men, not able to see what they’re fussing over.
As Jaehyun starts to massage Mark’s shoulders like they’re going into a boxing ring, hyping him up, Johnny turns back for a second with a friendly, yet stressed smile, “Sorry, hi y/n, good to see you y/n, we miss you y/n, but we don’t have a lot of time left.”
“What are you doing here?!” you repeat, but he doesn’t answer, his foot just taps incessantly with nerves. You clutch at your husband’s side, trying to get his attention, “Honey, what are they doing here?”
He tugs at the end of your ponytail with a teasing smile, “Did you forget the date?”
You think for a second, and don’t recall anything but your editor’s email saying that the copies would be coming out on Saturday, April fourteenth. But that’s two days from now, which means today is April twelfth, and oh. Oh. Your mouth widens in shock just as his curves into a knowing smile, and all of that anxious energy starts to manifest in your body, bright yellow high heels ticking out a tune of excitement on the floor. Your words go straight to babbling, “Ooooh, oh my god, yes. With everything that’s been going on, I forgot... Did you fly them here?!”
“Yes, of course he did, rich bastard,” John drawls, punching his good friend right in the shoulder in whiny jealousy. “We wanted to be together when we found out, remember?”
From the moment Mark applied to college in the fall, you’d made a pact that you’d be in the same place when his top choice decision came out. But with everything that had been going on with your publisher and Jaehyun being so busy with an influx of new patients, you thought that that wouldn’t be able to happen. Only, he’d made it happen, and kept it from you so you’d have a nice surprise amidst all the recent stress.
The clock in the lobby dongs once, twice, three, four, five times, signaling five o’clock.
“I’m not waiting, we’ll talk later!” Mark jabbers, fingers refreshing his prospective student portal over and over and over. The culminating moment of his life is this one parcel of time. You can’t see, the tall men are obnoxiously blocking your view, but you feel your heart thudding in your chest with anticipation. And all of a sudden you hear it, his shocked little, “Oh!” Your heartbeat seizes, unsure of which way to go - to the deadened thuds of disappointment, or the lively allegro of accomplishment, and then Mark literally screams, “Oh, fuck! Fuck yes!”
“I can’t see!” you whine, but no one is listening.
“Fucking yes! Oh my god!” Jaehyun hollers, ignoring all of the annoyed looks from your fellow coworkers at the inappropriate language and behavior. He jumps up and down like a little kid and smacks Mark’s chest without thinking. Your silly husband's excitement comically dies into horror when he realizes what area he's just pummeled, and quickly smooths out the blow with his hand. He did all his famous journal article worthy work on said chest, and cannot go about undoing it like that.
You can infer what the result had been from those reactions alone, but it's cemented when Johnny just starts sobbing. So, you shove your head into the space under Jaehyun’s arm, and he hugs you in close as he continues to celebrate, using his other hand to rub his buddy’s back as Johnny quakes with sobs. All the frenzied action makes the letter on the screen shake with hazy delight.
Dear Mark,
Congratulations! It is my pleasure to welcome you to Brown’s Program In Liberal Medical Education…
That’s all you need to read before you’re jumping with them, clapping so happily in pure happiness, “Ah! Oh my gosh! Congratulations, Smalls! I’m so happy for you!!!!” Mark is literally dancing in place, recording himself so he can send the video off to his best friends from home, and you grab his arm to embarrass him, pull him into a hug, “Come here!”
You and Jaehyun sandwich him in between you two, snuggling him close, making sure he gets all flustered due to how you’re acting over the top. After a few seconds of whining, the teen gives in and lets you shower him with congratulatory delight. Then it’s only right to step back, to allow the two brothers to hug each other in consuming relief. Johnny is still crying his eyes out as he sobs into his brother’s back, “You got into a med program as an undergrad, bud! I think that makes you smarter than all of us combined!”
It was due to Johnny’s sheer willpower that you’d been able to get to this point - where Mark could get an acceptance from an Ivy League school that allowed him to complete his undergraduate education and start medical school along the way. He’d never let go of his dream to be a doctor after Jaehyun had inspired him.
“You always knew I was. You always believed in me,” Mark whispers back as he clutches his brother tightly, unbelievably grateful for what he’d done. He peeks over his shoulder to point a knowing finger your husband’s way, “I think it was my essay that got me in though. It was about a real important person to me, huh, Jae?”
A long time has passed since Jaehyun was ever his doctor. They’d dropped the doc moniker and just called him Jae (or mostly dude, if you're being honest) and somehow you all became best friends along the way. But you still gasp in shock, after finally finding out which of the essays Mark ended up picking to submit. Mark picked the essay he wrote about your husband.
That means Jaehyun is tearing up as much as Johnny is - you’d expected nothing less - and he ruffles Mark’s hair with all his fondness, “You're important to me too, dude.”
Mark extricates himself from his brother’s sturdy grip and raises his arms in triumphant victory, hollering at the top of his lungs, “I feel like I can do anything, oh my godddd! I’m going to be a doctor!”
The people who are in the hallway overhear his yell, though it wasn't hard to miss, and they all start clapping excitedly at the announcement, cheering for this random boy they’ve never seen before. And you join in, clapping and clapping and clapping. This had been all of your hard work, together. Even after graduating high school late because of his hospital stays, Mark still managed to get into an amazing college. None of it had bothered him - he’d put his head down with the discipline of a future doctor, and made it happen.
“Speaking of being a doctor…” Jaehyun mutters, eyes darting down to his watch.
Johnny and Mark turn at the sound of that, and both of their faces go sullen with disappointment, “Oh no. You promised!”
You can just picture the message he sent to get them here, I will do my very best to get my schedule rearranged so we can go out to dinner! :) On me! :) As always! :) And of course none of that was possible considering it feels like every child in San Francisco who needs surgery comes here specifically to see him.
“I’ll be out before midnight,” Jaehyun promises, holding up a hand to block out the mock glares the two brothers are sending him, before he reaches his fingers to poke Mark’s cheek like he did when he was a patient. “I’m so happy for you, and will get appropriately rowdy after I save this person’s life!” He says the last bit with much ostentatious pomposity, like it’s his duty to go through this grueling surgery when he in fact told you this morning it was just your run of the mill procedure.
Mark groans like Jaehyun’s an embarrassing dad, “You’re bragging just because you’re jealous! You said it was a bowel resection!”
“Just a little jealous, I promise!” He says with a wink, sweet him just wanting Mark to feel like the star in the moment. You feel Jaehyun's tender hand grasp yours, and he whispers right to you, “Lovebug, come here for a second.”
“We can see you.” Mark rolls his eyes with disdain, just as Johnny nods along and chimes in with a pull of his face into a disgusted frown, “We're gagging!”
They’ve teased you mercilessly ever since the day they found out you were dating, and at your wedding had played that video they’d taken of you two on the floor as an addition to the speech they wrote. Which, of course, made your family tease you about it too, Wendy in particular not having let go of it to this day. When you meet Johnny’s new girlfriend at the Fourth of July, you know you and Jaehyun have a thousand and one retaliatory actions planned to make him regret it.
Not that that matters now, you ignore their grandstanding to stand in this corner with your husband, let him hold your hand and sigh so cutely, “One kiss before you go home?”
Of course you have to kiss Jaehyun, you always want to, nothing makes you happier than getting to do it every day. You hold his cheeks - standing on your tiptoes, even in your heels - and nestle your mouth right against his for two heartbeats. Then he shifts his head to deepen the kiss, as intent and appropriate and inappropriate as one can kiss their spouse in their place of work, tongue darting against your lip for just another second. There's your lucky kiss, idiot.
He kisses your lips once more, then your cheek, and you sigh, so happy, “You didn’t tell me.”
“It was a surprise,” he sighs back, in between kissing your cheek a gazillion more times, cannon fodder for teasing at dinner tonight. Of course he’d tried to surprise you—, “I wanted them to be here for Saturday.”
“Oh. Aw…” The sound of delight you make is truly gross, but you’ve been married for almost two years now and he never stops inspiring all these moments of breathlessness. Jaehyun’s soft little smile conveys all of the backstory that you don’t have to ask after - that this weekend is one of the most important weekends of your life, that he brought your favorite people here to celebrate it with you, and he’d kept it all a secret so you could experience the maximum joy that comes with a surprise this sweet.
“Are you getting all mushy on me?” He flirts, before his smile gets all coy and defeated all at once, a strange pair. You don’t understand the contrast until he mutters, “By the way… I think I owe you some new shoes.”
“Oh, that’s right, you do!” You mock him with full entertainment, poking at his chest incessantly and annoyingly, “I told you my idea was better! Told you, told you, told youuuuuu!”
When Mark had started writing his essays, Johnny called for help. Not having gone to college himself, he did not know what he should be advising his brother on when it came to advantageous narrative-telling. Jaehyun suggested that Mark write about the time he spent in the hospital - the struggles he overcame, the resilience and fortitude that it took for him to survive his medical ordeal, the ways it made him into the person he is today. Which, you have to admit, is the kind of thing that every college admissions officer would be a sucker for. But you, as smitten with your husband as you’d ever been, suggested to Mark that he write about what - specifically, who - had inspired him to want to become a doctor in the first place. So, unable to choose, Mark decided to write two essays and pick one on submission date to send - which really should’ve been the first indicator he’d get in, because what kid writes two college essays for fun?
You’d made a bet. If Mark picked Jaehyun’s essay topic, you’d buy Jaehyun sideline tickets to a 49ers game. And if Mark picked yours, Jaehyun would buy you this pair of stunning, light green Bottega Veneta heels you’d been eying. It was a silly bet to make on his part. How could Mark write about anything other than the man who saved his life? You hope he lets you read it one day. You'll put it in a frame in the house, just to show it off.
Jaehyun gets this sweet little tear in his eye - still as soft as ever, so, so grateful to be appreciated for his work - and he laughs in full delight, “You’re too smart for me.”
“Marrying you was my favorite act of charity,” you tease, not being serious whatsoever. It’s been the greatest privilege, to be married to someone as wonderful as him.
When Jaehyun tries to kiss you again, you hear Mark’s growl, “You two are… you're disgust-,”
You kiss your husband, because you want to. Then you hold out a scary finger at both the brothers, who cower under the weight of your ferocious warning, “Don’t even say it. Not when we got you into college! And not when I’m about to buy you more In-N-Out than you can eat!”
They shut up, as they should.
—
You’re sitting at the island in your old home, waiting for Wendy to finish pouring you a glass of wine so you can start cooking before the rest of the family arrives, when she makes an offhand comment, “You know, I’m thinking we should get Anna banana some MCAT books.”
Her daughter’s third birthday was two weeks ago and she’s already on this? Unbelievable. “Are you kidding me? She’s three!”
“Of course she’s kidding!” Seulgi grumbles, shooting her wife a shut up, you’re not funny kind of expression. You know they’re both the kind of parents who would let their child be anything she wanted to be, but the desire for medical excellence runs in the family. “Look at her, though.”
Jaehyun is sitting side by side on the couch with Seulgi and Wendy’s daughter, Anna, like they always do when the family gets together. He has a bag of random medical supplies on the cushion beside him - what she’s recently become obsessed with - and he’s babbling at her in baby speak while he bandages her perfectly fine leg up.
“It doesn’t help that she’s also obsessed with him.” Wendy gets all huffy as she turns to the other woman at the island and asks, “Was that you?”
“It wasn’t me. I love my grandchildren all equally,” Jaehyun’s grandmother answers, not even looking up from where she’s chopping carrots to put in the stew for tonight.
She’d easily folded into your other family after she left Jaehyun’s old house, would come to the Kim's for Sunday dinner when she was free, got into teaching yoga at a studio around here, would come to your house randomly with a freshly baked cake just because. Grammie's used to having Wendy tease her for favoritism, even though she chose to move into the old penthouse with them so they could have someone around to help take care of Anna. It was a decision Grammie made, quote, so she could pass the time until her grandson stopped being busy and decided to grace her with a great-grandchild. Which of course, only made you both blush.
“It was so you, you’re his beloved Grammie,” Wendy grumbles, pouring extra wine into the elder’s cup.
“You keep this up and you’re eating ramen noodles for lunch for the next week.”
“I’ll just go to y/n’s then.”
You shake your head, thoroughly amused by the fear that inspires in Wendy, not wanting to cook for herself. But as much as you want to insert yourself into this, you can’t, and you make your best (also true) excuse, “Biggie and Smalls are here for tomorrow, sorry!”
That means the guest bedroom in your house is taken and she can’t hide here, so Wendy bites back whatever curse word she had prepared. She jabs two fingers close to her eyes, then flashes them at Grammie, “Fine, but my eyes are on you, Nana Jeff. My daughter cannot like her uncle more than me.”
Case in point, Anna is staring up at Jaehyun with these wide, sparkly black eyes as he puts his massive stethoscope around her neck, loops it around her like a funny piece of jewelry. Then he explains, “It’s a stethoscope, Anna B. You can listen to a heart with it. Wanna try?”
“Yes!” she exclaims, wanting to do everything he does as of late. You're almost certain it's not because she’s interested in medicine. He puts the ends in her ears, presses the drum right against the center of his chest, and lets her discover the wonder of the instrument. He glances up to the rest of you and winks so sweetly, which makes Wendy glower and Seulgi giggle, their contrasting reactions only deepening when their daughter crows, “Whoaaaa, why’s it so fast?”
He takes the tips out of her ears so she can hear him when he whispers, “Sometimes your heart beats fast when you’re looking at something pretty.”
From here, you can see how her little feet kick in excitement, her childish, innocent baby crush on your husband coming out in full force, thinking he’s talking about her. But no, Jaehyun's not looking at Anna when he says it. His gaze is gently lofted past her head, gaze settling right on you across the way as his ears go a flaming red. You think you might understand how your niece feels. He’s too much sometimes, he makes you feel girlish and giddy like this every single day.
“That, girls, is why she likes him,” Grammie says, short and to the point, nothing your sister-in-laws can disagree with. “And I’m not sure there’s anything you can do about it.”
She’s right, Jaehyun has always been the sweetest person, that’s why every one of his patients felt so comfortable and taken care of when he worked on them. That’s why you’d fallen in love with him, stayed in love with him for all this time.
“Yeahhhh, but you taught him that,” Wendy gripes, knowing that Jaehyun and his grandmorther had the same saccharine, loving personality. She gets a glare from the older woman and ducks her head in preemptive apology, “Alright, shutting up!”
“Jeffweff. Who’s Do—, Doo-young Kim?”
Every single person in the penthouse freezes at the plainness of Anna's soft query. She’s just begun to start reading and now she’s sounded out your husband’s name from the engraving in the improper way you’d made his old nickname from. Seulgi and Wendy told her what happened, in the broad strokes of sadness that a child could understand, but they’d done it without you there, at your request. You’d never had to deal with it in person until now. As it’s been for the past few years, a mention of Doyoung only brings about a twinge of sentimentality, followed by a wrapped scarf of regret, and a billowing burst of that forever love you always hold for him. But this buildup to Saturday had caused him to be in your mind more often than not, and it’s as if the universe is forcing you to confront it by having the little girl ask.
“That’s Uncle Yoyo, remember?” Jaehyun answers, careful to match up his response with what your sister-in-laws told you they told her. You’re grateful this happened to him and not you, he can take it with so much more grace than you think you could. It doesn’t hurt in the same way, not anymore, but it’s better for him to do it.
“Uncle Yoyo?” Anna’s little face scrunches with confusion as her fingers run over the letters of his name, “Why you have his ‘tethoscope then?”
He scoots in close, to hold the girl to his side and gently start, “You know he’s playing in heaven right now, we talked about that with your moms, right?”
“Remember what I said?” Seulgi says softly, with mothering care, “Why we go to the hill by auntie and uncle’s house?”
Wendy clears her throat, already thickened with emotion, and chimes in as Grammie grabs her hand in support, “And you say hello to the sun every morning?”
That’s the story that they told her, at your suggestion. That Mommy and Auntie Winter’s brother, that Grandma and Grandpa’s son, that Auntie y/n’s sweetheart went to heaven and became the sun. On the big, hurtful days, you'd go to this park by your new house, where one hill was filled with these beautiful little daisies. You'd lie down on your backs, look up at the sky, and just wave, wave, wave at the sun together.
Through the window, where the sun is proudly displayed over the tableau of San Francisco, Anna waves her hand and nods, “Hi sun! Yes.”
“Well, in heaven, you don’t need to check anyone’s heart! They’re all happy and healthy and strong just like yours,” Jaehyun sighs, one tear slipping down his cheek as he pokes her chest with tender affection. “So, your uncle left it behind. And your Grandpa thought it might be nice if I had it!”
What you didn’t know at the time they’d told you about it, was that Momma and Pop also had Doyoung’s old stethoscope in the box of things that they’d retrieved from his office. They’d saved it as a surprise for your wedding - at the reception, they’d gifted you with a honeymoon to the Maldives, and had given Jaehyun the stethoscope in an engraved box. He’d cried and cried and cried, and used that and only that from that day forth. And the way Jaehyun's framed it is incredible in its beauty - that you know your husband is the happiest in heaven, and there’s no sickness or accidents to fix up there, so he doesn’t need it. Doyoung gifted the stethoscope to his best friend, so he in turn could keep taking care of those who need it.
She touches the medical tool more reverently this time, remembering the respect they’d tried to instill in her when it came to this subject, and asks, “Do you miss him?”
“All the time,” he confesses in a whisper. “But maybe just a little bit less when I’m with my family.”
“Will I get to meet him? When’s he coming back?”
You feel your heart take a triple jump of sadness, disappointment, woe, and land firmly in your throat. That makes it hard for you to swallow, harder to breathe, as you meet eyes with Jaehyun across the way and see that he’s literally at the brink of losing it. You’re all at the brink, it’s been so long since you’ve been this horrifically sad, and all this exquisite healing means you've forgotten how to deal with it.
“Anna Kim Shon…” Seulgi warns, calling out to silence her daughter before she says anything else that innocently hurtful.
But before she scold any further, Jaehyun just lifts the baby into his lap with ease, so they can have a very serious, heartfelt, face to face conversation, “Annie bananie, listen to me for a second. When you… when you go to heaven, you don’t come back. You stay there with the angels forever and you’re happy forever.” His voice is all crackly with emotion and he can’t stop crying, but he’s spinning this stunning image for her, one of protection, one that’s designed to protect all of you, “It’s not something to be sad about, because there’s going to be a day when we all are together in heaven. But if you ever feel sad about it, come give me a hug.” He tweaks her pigtail for a second, before he looks above her, right at you, “That’s what your auntie does."
You press your hand right into the hollow of your throat, overwhelmed by the poignancy of the pain. Those days are rarer now than ever, but they still come - when you see a biker being careless and when there's particularly cloudy skies. Better, when you order a slice of chocolate cake at dinner and when you hear Jaehyun and Sungchan laughing about classes at Stanford. But you never have to say anything. You get just one ray of sunshine dimmer, and he somehow knows. Then, he stops what he’s doing, wherever he's doing it, no matter how important, and hugs you.
“Okay!” Anna says, not recognizing the gravity of the moment, just happy to throw herself at her uncle. Then you hear it, her tiny whisper into his chest, “But why do you do that for Auntie?”
He hugs her so close, hand cradling her head like he hopes he can shield her from ever being sad, then he murmurs, “Because she loved Uncle Yoyo the most, more than anybody. And I love her.”
You are so lucky you love him. You couldn’t have asked for someone better.
“Oh! Anna banana! Why don’t we make strawberry shortcake for tonight?!” Grammie, the best person ever, takes the lead in ending the moment right there. You can tell she's trying to stop the suffering from dragging on for any of the other adults, all of whom are still crying. Anna is enticed by the promise of the sweet treat, especially when her adopted great-grandmother trills, “I know a great recipeeeee!”
Anna glances your way, then at Grammie, and gets so excited that she's going to make one of your famouswamous (as she’d been calling them, after they explained the book) recipes. She jumps out of Jaehyun’s lap with much fervor, “Okay Nana Jeff!”
They go off into the kitchen, chattering about berries and cartoon ponies, and that gives you all a much needed break.
Seulgi blows out the most painful breath you’ve heard in quite some time. She grabs your hand and profusely apologizes alongside Wendy’s nods of affirmation, “I’m so sorry, I thought she understood.”
“It’s nothing to be sorry about. She’s just a child,” you whisper, not able to place any blame on Anna. It’s a hard concept for you to grasp, let alone for a child to. You still find it desperately unfair that he’s never coming back, despite your acceptance of it.
A warm hand presses into the small of your back, rubbing back and forth in a caress of relief, and you feel Jaehyun kiss your cheek, hear his whisper, “Hey champ. How are we feeling.”
You shrug, a bit sad despite your answer. “Fine.”
This isn’t even subtle, there’s nothing he needs to pick up on, no clues he needs to read to give you what he want. It’s as blatant as blatant can get. His hand quickly grasps your waist so you can cuddle him in a hug, make sure you can hear his fast heartbeat in his chest. That's eternal confirmation that he’s still here with you, the one thing you can never let go of doing.
Wendy watches you both, and quietly makes amends as well, “I’m so sorry about that, Jeff…”
“It’s okay. Can you give us a second though?” he graciously accepts, same as you had, before he makes moves for a bit of privacy. Still in his hold, he walks you back to his old room, where you stay if you just want to have a sleepover with your sisters and your niece. He kisses your mouth first, a note of reassurance, before entreating, “Talk to me, lovebug."
“I’m fine… I’m not upset about that,” you mumble. It’s true, you’re not explicitly upset that the subject came up. Doyoung comes up all the time, at work, at family game nights, throughout the preparations you’d been making these past months. It’s not that. “It just… it’s sad she won’t ever know him.”
Seulgi and Wendy had started fostering Anna that January, after you and Jaehyun had gotten together for real. You all fell in love with her in an instant, were so happy when they finally got to adopt her. But despite the overwhelming joy that having a new baby in the family brought, it was impossible to escape that feeling, that horrific remorse that there would always be a hole in your family portraits. That she would always have questions. That she would have to settle for less-than-satisfying answers. He would’ve been the best uncle to her, and never got the chance to. You suppose it all distills down to that, not just the remorse on Anna’s behalf. That as much as Jaehyun did, Doyoung wanted to be an uncle and a father and a grandfather in his old age, and that was stolen from him.
Jaehyun carefully meanders his fingers through your hair, lifts your head so that you’re peering into his kind eyes, so your heart can listen to his, “She’s growing up with us. She’s going to know him, no matter what.”
But knowing him is not the same as knowing him.
“That’s not the same, stories are not the same,” you remind Jaehyun, as much as he’s trying to do right by you, make you feel better. You’d trade infinite stories for something more tangible, but you know that’s just not possible.
“Okay. Stories are not the same and you are absolutely right. But stories from the people who loved him are the closest thing to having him back that the universe will physically allow,” he reminds you in return. It's something he’s held in his tender heart ever since he got back from Bolivia all those years ago. When you were all together, laughing and happy and reminiscing like the winds of time hadn’t been so cruel, it was the closest you got to feeling like he was there in the room with you - laughing along, handsome bunny smile shining from his seat next to his father. “And she will get… so many of them. We could tell Anna B. a story about him every day for the rest of our lives and never run out of things to say. That’s how great he was.”
It’s Anna now, but it’ll be your children whenever you decide it’s time. They’ll know all about your Doo, how smart he was, how many lives he brought into this world, how you loved each other with fierce fortitude, how your friendships were bonded by the linked hands of fate, how you and Jaehyun have never forgotten him. You’ll tell them only the good things.
“So, I, Jaehyun Jung, take you to be my wife, and these things I promise you: I will be faithful to you and honest with you; I will respect, trust, help, and care for you; I will share my li—,”
He’s suddenly launched into this very sappy recollection of his vows, and while you appreciate it - you cherish every memory of that day - you don’t know why he’s bringing it up now, “I haven’t forgotten it, dummy…”
You remember everything about that day - the backyard looking all stunning with the twinkle lights your father-in-law had put up, Winter fussing over your makeup more than she should, Wendy and Seulgi and Anna in their matching outfits, the lush flower arrangements they’d made in exchange for the penthouse, Mark and Johnny being absolute buffoons, Jaehyun just losing it when you walked down the aisle. The dumb Usher song he sang at the reception, you surprising him by baking the wedding cake instead of getting it catered, walking through a tunnel of sprinklers right into your house at the end of it. The second perfect day.
“Shh, just for a second,” he quiets you, touch of his finger to your mouth getting you to obey. Then he smiles, this wondrous sight, and finishes properly, “I will share my life with you and I will make sure that no one ever forgets who he was. Deal?”
This is why you wanted to spend your entire life with this man. No one knows you better, could dedicate himself to honoring your shared person in this unforgettable way. You’ll never stop loving Jaehyun for that alone.
You kiss him, so sweet, so soft, so in love, and you vow back, “Deal.”
—
“I’m here, I’m here!”
You and the girls all look up at once to see Jaehyun running over, sweaty and hasty, scrub top wrinkled, which means he pulled it out of his locker to try and look nice. So much for laying out his nice shirt and pants this morning, but you can’t be mad. He at least has put on dark navy scrubs instead of the bland grey ones, and tried to tame his hair into something presentable for the photos to come.
He kisses your cheek and you grumble in false affront, “Honey, you’re wearing that?!”
“Yes, I have not a lot of time before my next surgery, I ran over as soon as I scrubbed out,” he responds. Of course on the one day you’d needed him to be free, he’d ended up busier than anyone, but you can’t blame him. Those kids need their superhero.
“Hide it,” you order, eyes flicking to the fabric in his pocket, where he's stuffed the ladybug scrub cap. “We can’t match, we’ll look dumb in the photos.”
You’re in a simple white dress, but you stick out your foot to show him that you’d worn the ladybug Louboutins for the first time. You'd saved them for the perfect special occasion, dodging his many, many, many requests to finally wear them. Nothing felt like the perfect moment until now. He grins happily then kisses you right on the mouth, but that doesn’t solve your problems. The pictures are going to look so cliché if you match.
“You’re matching in every photo in your house,” Wendy grumbles, “so shut the hell up!”
Seulgi shoots her a glare over where she’s standing with Anna, covering the girl’s ears so she doesn’t hear the profanity. But she also takes a moment to give you a pointed stare of agreement with her wife. You supposed Wendy is right, there are a lot of pictures on the refrigerator of the house, and you’re matching in… more than one of them.
“Mommy’s going to cry, by the way. When she sees the hard copy, she’s going to bawl,” Winter points out. Sungchan nods along like he always does whenever she says anything, forever the faithful and loyal boyfriend. (Soon to be fiancé, but you're on a strict vow of silence for the next two weeks. It's killing you. It's killing Jaehyun more, he's almost blurted it out six times since he found out.)
“I think I’m already crying,” Grammie sighs as she wipes away moisture from her eyelids, proving her point. “There’s going to be a lot of tears today, y/n.”
“Yo, no crying until we see it, Gran,” Mark ribs her from where he and Johnny are getting his tripod set up. He wants to have the perfect footage to make a vlog for his Instagram. My idiot friend’s wife’s biggest day ever! is the running title he’d decided to go with, one that you’d loved and your husband had grumbled about.
Jaehyun squeezes your hand just as you lean into his side. This is such a monumental day, you wouldn’t begrudge anyone their tears. You just don’t think you’re capable of crying yourself, because… honestly? You’re pretty ecstatic.
“I think Mama K’s going to go full Karen and demand to be let into the store,” Wendy whispers, making everyone laugh. “Whose stupid idea was it to get here when they put it out?”
Jaehyun pouts, shoving Wendy away from him, “Mine! Because I have—,”
“Surgery. We know,” she deadpans, everyone sharing the same look that things had never changed about who he is and what he does. “You couldn’t take a break from being Mr. Baby Saver?”
“I also have surgery!” Pop calls as he hurries over with Momma. He’d been getting back into the swing of things at the hospital, delegating more administrative duties to others so he could get back into the OR. You hadn’t realized he’d stopped doing as many surgeries after, but it seems like his love for medicine came roaring back and now he’s as booked and busy Jaehyun is. UCSF had been the #1 hospital in the country ever since.
“We know, it runs in the family!”
“Shut up, they’re coming, they’re coming!”
The bored looking teen who shuffles to the front of the store to unlock the door visibly deflates when he sees the crowd of you waiting. He cracks it just an inch and dully parrots out, “We’re not open yet.”
“Do you recognize who this is… Sehun?” Wendy goes for it before anyone, reading his name tag and trying to weasel her way into getting what you all want. She tugs you out of Jaehyun’s hold, brings you to the very front, and you smile awkwardly at being thrust into the spotlight like this.
Sehun scrutinizes your face for a second, and when he recognizes you, he sighs in resignation, “Oh. Oh, you’re on this… yeah we just got it. I’m guessing you want a copy.”
“Yes, young man, give us one,” Grammie calls.
John crosses his arms, standing imposingly tall and using his full height to intimidate the employee a little, “Why don’t you just give us a few?”
“We’re not open!” Sehun grunts, none of that working. “Come back at nine!”
Jaehyun pushes to the front of the crowd, all of his authority and arrogance emerging when he shakes his hair out, then politely yet firmly demands, “Sir, that’s my wife’s book, just give a few to us.”
Sehun doesn’t budge one bit, he doesn’t give a single hoot until Jaehyun pulls out a handful of hundred dollar bills from his wallet and tucks them into the teen’s apron’s pocket. The young man scrunches his eyebrows, then, satisfied he’ll be getting a fat payday - way more than one or two books would’ve cost - goes into the nearest cardboard box and hands over a full box.
The moment Wendy sees it in Jaehyun’s hands, she screams, “Ah, y/n! This looks fucking amazing!”
Seulgi doesn’t even have a moment to scold her for her foul mouth or shield their daughter from it, because she’s already tearing up as she stares at the cover. Her dad is holding one up and getting teary in the exact identical way as his daughter as he tries to snap a picture with his Blackberry. Momma is weeping, just as predicted, as she specifically sets aside two - one to mail to your mother, and another to ship to Yooa in the Congo, as she requested. Sungchan is taking a photo of Winter proudly displaying her hands at the book, and Grammie wastes no time in thumbing through the pages. In the corner, Mark is filming it all like this is going to make him famous, getting just the slightest bit emotional when he sees that Johnny has done so too.
The only two who aren’t crying are you and Jaehyun. You’re twitterpated with delight as you hold hands and jump up and down in place like you’re schoolkids. All those late nights of work, coming home from the hospital and proofreading together, him holding the step stool you stood on to take the pictures from a high vantage point, the stress of picking out which recipes to include, the sparse screaming matches you’d get into when tensions would take over, the moments of sadness when something pricked at your heart, the joy that came when you’d sent the final draft to your editor - all of it has paid off.
“I can’t believe it, my real life cookbook,” you crow in delight the moment the book is placed in your hands. “I’m so happy, take a picture.”
You hold it in front of your chest as Jaehyun snaps away, happy to oblige. You tuck your chin on his shoulder to watch as he replaces the picture of you at your wedding he used as his phone lock screen with the cute photo of you from just now, beaming like a little ball of sunshine with the cover on display.
It’d truly turned out impeccably, the editors worked their wizard skills just like they’d promised. A graphic of an oven tilts all wacky and exaggerated across the height of the cover, from one corner to the other. The photographer had caught you at the perfect moment on the slide in front of the green screen - hair blown back, face caught up in happy shock - and had melded it together, magically superimposing the image of you slip-sliding down the oven.
And the cookbook is no longer untitled, like it had been for years. Your husband had suggested a title after you showed him the original draft for the first time, convinced that you finally had to finish it.
Printed across the top of it - in Doyoung’s handwriting, ripped right off that To Doo list he’d scratched out on the sheets he’d leveled the oven with - are the proud characters spelling out My Wife’s Recipes.
You didn’t care that the editor thought it was a dumb name. It was in Doyoung’s script, and Jaehyun had suggested it, and because of both of those things, you thought it was perfect. They’re not all originally yours, true, you’d poached them from his family and yours and Jaehyun’s, but you had made them your own over the years. Each one was imbued with all of the love you held, whether it was your Nana’s macaroni and cheese, or the apple pie Seulgi made for Anna’s first birthday, the fried shrimp appetizer you’d had at your wedding, or a peach-blackberry cake that Grammie taught you.
“I’m so proud of you, lovebug,” Jaehyun sighs, kissing you on the forehead as you stay snuggled up to him for one more second.
Then, there’s something you have to do, when everyone is distracted. You open the book when he’s preoccupied with the background on his phone, cute smile done up on his mouth as he admires your picture. When you get to the page you want to show him, you sigh with such contentment. This had turned out more beautiful than you ever could've imagined. This was your final, last-minute submission to the editor, done when Jaehyun had been on call and couldn’t see it, ruin the surprise.
You cover up half the page with your hand, then you nudge him, “I want you to see something, honey.”
He scrunches his eyes to see the tiny letters spelling out the dedication.
To DYK, the love of my life. Thank you for using my first draft to level the oven.
“That is sooooo sweet. I think he would love it!” Jaehyun gasps, genuinely excited that you’d settled on that. He is so cute, your cuter than cute husband. He’s not sad or jealous or remotely slighted when he thinks that’s the only dedication you’ve settled on.
There were months and months of agonizing over what you were going to put down in that section. Everything suggested - my family, my husband, my loves - felt halfway right and halfway wrong. You’d felt like listing everyone out one by one was not what you wanted to do, since that set of names was far too precious and private to share with the public. You’d had half a mind that you’d just skip the dedication, until it just came to you one day - as you were walking to your little pink house under the protection of a matching pink sunset.
“That’s not all,” you whisper, and pull your hand back from where you’d blocked out the second part of the dedication.
It doesn’t even take one heartbeat before Jaehyun is beaming, this crystalline, pure, perfect diamond of a teardrop already poised in his eye. He was the reward you got at the end of all of this, and you want him to know forever just how much you’re grateful to him for that. So how could you not also dedicate this cookbook to him? After all, you are his wife, too.
+bonus 5. I’m not limited to just one great love in my life.
So, this is also to JJJ, the love of my life. Thank you for fixing the oven.
fin.