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"What? How do I, how do I have over a hundred thousand subscribers?"
"Surprise!"
"This was you?"
"This was me."
"I don't know if you saw, but in the last video, I told everyone ---
I mean this is not me. This is everyone who subbed.
Don't thank me. Thank everyone who subbed."
"So your subscribers---
what, you like told a bunch of them to come check out my channel?"
"Precisely."
"Oh my goodness, dude, I'm like..."
"... It's okay, I love you!"
Waking up to kiss you and nobody's there
The smell of your perfume still stuck in the air
It's hard
When Skeppy finally wakes up that day, it's a cloudy morning and the spot next to his bed is empty. When he picks up his phone, he notices that their call last night is still going, somehow. It's so much easier to sleep when someone's there, even if they're not right next to him.
"Bad?" Skeppy's voice comes out hoarse and he clears his throat softly before, "Bad, are you there?"
He hears a grumble on the other side of the line and he just laughs, pulling him the phone closer. "Yeah, good morning, muffinhead."
"You're the muffinhead."
"Me?"
"Yeah, you're a muffinhead."
"Really?"
"Yeah, my muffinhead," Bad mumbles softly, still half-asleep, but Skeppy laughs anyway.
"Yeah," Skeppy agrees. "Yours."
Yesterday I thought I saw your shadow running round
It's funny how things never change in this old town
"I'm sorry," Skeppy mumbles softly to the mic. He knows that Bad's headphones are still on, that he'll hear this as if Skeppy himself was standing behind him, mouth right next to his ear.
He wishes he was in that position all the time.
"Sorry?"
"Sorry for making you upset. For being a muffin, for messing with you, for... a lot of things, I guess," Skeppy continues, shrugging even though he knows Bad isn't there to see it. "I just... I don't know. Weird day, I guess."
"Weird day?"
"... Yeah. But even if it was a weird day, at least you're here. How bad could it be if you're here?"
If you were here in person, that would change everything.
"... I forgive you, Skeppy." Bad lets out a small sigh. "Now I'm just worried about you. Just let me know if there's anything I can do to help, okay? I'd drop so many things to help you."
Skeppy's heart jumps.
And I want to tell you everything
The words I never got to say the first time around
"Do I really make you happier when I'm around?" He had asked. Badboyhalo laughed, and it's the most beautiful thing Skeppy's headphones has ever let him hear.
"Of course, Skeppy," he said, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "You always do."
And I remember everything
Wish I was there with you now
"Are you busy right now, Bad?"
Skeppy clutches the piece of paper that has Bad's address scrawled upon it so many months ago. He holds his breath in anticipation, waiting to hear Bad's response. He looks out the window, wondering just how far away he would be, how close he could be...
"No," Bad says slowly. "What's up, Skeppy?"
What's up? So many things.
"I love you," Skeppy wants to say.
I love you. You're the only person who makes me feel like I can run on air. I think I have loved you for a while. But it's never the right time. Should we meet up? Maybe later. Should I tell you these feelings that threaten to choke me within a quarter of my life? Maybe later. Maybe later, later, later.
When will it be the right time? I want--
What do I want?
"I want to see you," Skeppy breathes out, his voice trembling.
If the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you
Drive highways and byways to be there with you
Skeppy mindlessly presses on the controller, leading his character through the world. He raids houses, he kills monsters, he sells his loot. It's just another game. That's all it is.
He glances towards Bad's facecam, no filter on this time through a lot of pleading.
Bad's focused intently on the drawing tablet on his lap, eyebrows furrowed as he carefully draws each line with precision. He looks completely engrossed, completely ignoring the game footage in front of him that Skeppy's streaming to him.
Skeppy turns back to the game to shoot a skeleton in the face.
It's just another night.
A part of him wants to be right there on the couch next to Bad, dividing his attention between Bad and his game. It's the same thing he's doing now, but it's different, different in the way that Bad would be sitting right there next to him.
Skeppy takes a swig of his water bottle.
Different, huh?
Skeppy shoots a zombie in the face.
No, it's just a game. Just a game, where the two of them are dancing around each other, waiting to see who makes the first move, who takes the first shot. Will there be any winners? Will there be any losers? It's a dance they've done for a while. Maybe there'll be no end. Video games have an end; this possibly won't have one.
Skeppy glances back at Bad for a moment, before focusing his attention on his game.
That's right. Just a game.
I saw that you moved on with someone new
It's so hard
So hard
"You said, muah," Skeppy had spat. "What does that even mean?"
"Are you still recording?" Bad had answered with another Bad-typical nonanswer. "I thought you had stopped."
"Answer."
"... Skeppy," Bad let out a sigh. "You know that it doesn't mean anything."
Skeppy had furrowed his eyebrows. Does that mean that what they had shared, that it had meant something? Or does Bad just view this all as nothing? Their lips have never met in real life, their hands have never met in real life, none of them has, but---
Skeppy wants it.
He wants to feel those pale lips upon his own. He wants to feel fingers tangling with his own. He wants so much more, but he's not sure how to say it. He's not sure where to cross boundaries, if they're even broken. He's best friends with BadBoyHalo. How is he supposed to ask for more? Does he even deserve more?
"... I guess," Skeppy had brushed it off.
And I remember everything
From when we were the children playing in this fairground
"You want to see me?" Bad pauses. "Should I turn on my facecam?"
Skeppy grumbles. "No, stupid, I mean in real life."
Bad pauses.
"Bad?"
C'mon, Bad. You have to give me this. We've been dancing around each other like idiots. How am I supposed to say it? How should I tell you that I've been in love with you, for what feels like forever? And I want forever? How can I even say that? I don't want to be your best friend, not anymore. I want to be there, to hold you, to call you mine, to tell you everything with words and actions. And maybe once I hold your palm within mine and caress your cheek with the other...
Then you'll understand what I've been wanting to say.
"... Right now?"
Over and over the only truth
Everything comes back to you
"Is Skeppy your baby?"
"... Maybe."
Skeppy's brain goes fuzzy at that. He doesn't know how to take that, especially with the knowledge that Bad showers him in pet names off-stream and off-camera. What does it mean? Where does the line get crossed between best friends and lovers? How should Skeppy understand this, when Bad makes his heart thump wildly just at a simple four-letter word?
You still make me nervous when you walk in the room
Them butterflies they come alive when I'm next to you
Do you desire something more from me? The radio asks. Or am I driving myself into the ground with my own misery?
Skeppy taps his fingers on the steering wheel, glancing around at the empty highway before him. His phone is on his lap, phone call opened to BadBoyHalo, with his earpods in. In the darkness of the night, all Skeppy can see is the quickly moving shadows across his car as his GPS points the way to ----
"Skeppy, how much longer?"
He presses harder on the gas pedal.
"Siri, how much longer to my destination?"
"Your estimated time of arrival is about one hour, fourteen minutes."
Skeppy doesn't even laugh at that.
"One hour, fourteen minutes," Bad sighs. "Probably barely enough time to make sure that everything is ready for you to be here at such a random time of night. Not that I'm complaining or anything. Just... Why do you always do things so impulsively?"
Do I do things that impulsively? I just do things because I want to do them. And in this case, it doesn't feel that impulsive. I've wanted this for a while, haven't I? It doesn't feel like I did this out of nowhere, not to me. It's been a long time coming, and really, I've been having such a hard time keeping it together, with how much I desire not just waking up to a metal box and your voice, but... you, all of you, because...
"Maybe," Skeppy starts. "You're worth being impulsive for." He grips tighter at the steering wheel, willing himself not to cry, though the tears have long fallen, blurring his vision of the empty highway before him. He's just glad that it's just a straight road for a while; he'd never hear the end of it if he got into a car accident of some sort.
The silence nearly engulfs him as he tries his best to soften his sniffles as he focuses on the long, long road before him.
"You..." Bad breathes out. "You mean that?"
"Always," Skeppy's voice manages to make out with only a single crack. "Always, BadBoyHalo."
And I know that it's wrong
That I can't move on
"I thought you loved me?" That girl had said, her name insignificant to him even now. "It's pretty soon to lose feelings so quickly, are you still trying to get over someone, is that what I am, some sort of rebound for you?"
"What?" Skeppy brushed her off. "No, I haven't dated anyone for a while before you. How could it be a rebound?"
Truth is, maybe it kind of was. The girl was pretty, wasn't she? And he definitely liked her, right? So where did it all go wrong? Was he still too young to treat relationships seriously, is that what that is?
No, because months later when he thinks about it, it wasn't that at all.
If the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you
Everything comes back to you
"I'm almost there," Skeppy says slowly. Bad gives him a noncommittal hum from the other side of the line. Skeppy glances around, trying to catch the right exit before he misses it entirely.
"I'm scared, Skeppy," Bad says suddenly.
"Of what?"
"What if things change?"
Skeppy pauses.
Is that why things haven't moved forward? Is that why, despite Skeppy thinking and talking to Bad all day, despite Bad calling him pet names, despite all of that... Is that why they're still in this limbo of being best friends?
The fear of change... Bad has always wanted their meetup to be perfect. But perfect is unattainable, right? So now that he's impulsively on the road to Bad's house as the minutes clock down to zero on his GPS... maybe they don't need to be perfect. Maybe they can just be... themselves.
"Then things change," Skeppy finally responds. "Change can be scary, but... necessary, right? Maybe it could be a good change."
Them butterflies they come alive when I'm next to you
Everything comes back to you
It's nothing when Skeppy parks his car outside and glances up at the building in front of him. It's nothing when Skeppy turns around to lock his car for a second and turns back around and suddenly a very familiar face is standing at the top of the stairs, looking down at him. It's nothing when those familiar lips turn upward into a smile before he hears his name being screamed before Bad (in real life, not in Minecraft, in real life) approaches him and practically jumps at him. It's nothing when Skeppy nearly stumbles over but grips tightly onto Bad as if there's no tomorrow. It's nothing when Bad picks him up with ease and twirls him around in the circle while screaming about who knows what, because all Skeppy can hear is Bad's voice saying his name.
It's nothing.
So why is it something when Skeppy lets his impulses take over, because that's what got him here in the first place?
So that's what he does: pull Bad into a kiss right on the sidewalk, because he doesn't care who could possibly be watching anymore. He's lived years under the careful watch of millions of people, but he couldn't care less about those people right now, not when Bad's hands are right there, when Bad's arms are wrapped around him, when Bad's lips are right there, looking just as kissable in reality as it was when it was simply a pixelated image on his computer screen.
No. The two of them? They're not nothing anymore.
They're... something.