Work Text:
People are puppets held together with string
There's a beautiful sadness that runs through him
As he asked me to pray to the God he doesn't believe in
Wasn't there an end to this?
She kicks the rock in front of her. Where had it all gone wrong? Even now, when she closes her eyes, she remembers everything so clearly that it almost hurts with the way the images flash through in her mind.
L'Manberg... Tubbo... Dream... discs... the Egg...
She had fought so long and hard for L'Manberg. Fought for Tubbo... fought with Tubbo, even though it was supposed to be them against Dream. Seeing Dream looming over her, looming over everything that she ever even bothered to love... it was terrifying, and even now she can see Dream cackling as he beats her to death.
With his own fists.
Dying was supposed to be the end.
But Dream, that unbelievable asshole, had brought her back, taunted her, basically told her that all she could do is stand there and watch as everything unfolds before her.
When did it get to this point?
She was just being tugged around. Main character, huh? Dream watching her every move, because she can always feel eyes on her, no matter where she goes. Everyone around her watching her, even her friends, who seem to not quite understand her anymore. And she remembers BadBoyHalo and Antfrost kicking her to the ground, forcing her to ""pray"" to the Egg.
She was TommyInnit. She was the center of all of this.
(She didn't ask to be.)
There wasn't any goddamned end to this, was there? Where had the days gone when She could just laugh and play with Tubbo without more than a care in the world?
Time and again boys are raised to be men
But here was a man mourning tomorrow
She wanted to grow up. Wanted to be more like Wilbur, who she idolized more than anything. And eventually, it drove him mad.
She tried talking him down, but it was already too late by the time she noticed. They had wanted independence so bad that she didn't even see Wilbur start to lose it, and she had prayed for an end.
It didn't come.
He was driven to insanity. Begged for death from Philza. Practically groveled for it in front of an audience and she had to watch her father figure drive a sword through her brother while she couldn't do anything about it.
He was too far gone.
(... Would she end up like that too?)
She was tired of being helpless, that's why she wanted to grow up, prove that she was worth something. And back then, she just wanted to grow up to be a man just like Wilbur, but now...
She's tired of growing up.
What was the point? If she's the main character, the main focus of this horrible story, then she has a bone to pick with her authors. Why do things happen when she can't do anything about it?
Does she have to watch as she loses everything she loves once more?
He could not break surface tension
He looked in the wrong place for redemption
Turn back the time that drew him
But he couldn't be saved
A sadness runs through him
Tommyinnit wants to turn back time, to tell her past self that it's not worth fighting for, not if the risks are this high. That maybe there are some hills that she doesn't have to die on.
Because she was so young when she died.
And coming back from the dead, she feels like she's aged so much, feels like she's going to drown in her own sorrow. When she looks at people now, they just glance away, as if they're scared of what they see there.
Is she a monster now?
She doesn't want to be this anymore. She wants to go back, go back to when things were easy and she didn't have to grow up, not to face things like this. To when it was just him, and Tubbo, and Wilbur, and even Eret, and they could just live peacefully.
Not this.
Please, not this.
Time and again boys are raised to be men
Impatient they start, fearful they end
But here was a man mourning tomorrow
Who drank, but finally drowned in his sorrow
Instead, look at where they are. Multiple wars later, what is she supposed to do now? She's lost so much. She looks around at the people she's supposed to know but she doesn't recognize any of them -- none of them recognize her.
Tubbo had just looked at her with some unreadable look, but Ranboo was right by his side, so she guesses she isn't wanted anymore, right?
Tomorrow is just another day, now.
What is there to hope for? She thinks back to the afterlife, of Wilbur and Schlatt and Mexican Dream. She thinks about what happened to them and what happened to her and she doesn't know what to think.
"Tommy? You're dead?" Wilbur had said. "Why are you wearing a dress?"
"I'm a girl now," she had gasped. "Please don't hate me."
And in one of the only moments of clarity, he had wrapped her in a hug, and murmured, "For that? Never, sister."
That was one of the only good things about dying, about seeing Wilbur after so long. He was still so unstable. The afterlife was so dark, and she was surrounded by the ghosts of her own past, that had already been haunting her. But being sucked back into revival felt infinitely worse.
"I'm going to bring him back, and he's gonna be the one to break me out of here," Dream had cackled, and Tommy knows, knows that won't end well, but who is she to argue with the delusions of the imprisoned?
Maybe all of this, this server, was a mistake. Maybe Wilbur was right.
Don't look at me with those eyes
I tried to un-heave the ties
A sadness runs through him
Through him
"Why? Why can't I, Tommy? You didn't believe me! You were calling me a liar! How else was I supposed to prove it?"
"You killed me-"
"It's not that big of a deal, it's not-"
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE-
"Dream, you will NEVER understand it! Your simple fucking stupid green brain, you will NEVER understand what I've just been through, Dream! You killed me now just to prove a point, you sent me back to Wilbur, to Schlatt, all the people you know- you know are my enemies! And you put me in there for months!
"You send me through the torture- I was ripped apart, Dream! Can you- Can you even imagine what that's like?! No you can't, 'cause you're fuckin' soft, Dream; you're soft, alright?! You put on all of this, but you're nothing, Dream; you don't know what it's like, alright?
"You're- You're not just evil now, you are fucking demented; fuck you, FUCK YOU, man! Seriously, more than before, this isn't... You're not just a villain; you're not just the villain in the history books... You are the fucking devil, man; you put me through all of this, man...
"What the fuck..."
Don't look at me with those eyes
I tried to un-heave the ties
But he couldn't be saved
No he couldn't be saved
"If I kill you, I'll be in here forever. Sam won't let me out, I know what I signed... Sam's just the owner of the prison, you've... I know how serious he gets... I can't kill you in here.
"Because then I- I'll be in here forever myself! And then... Then it'll be worse than down there! Or up there, I don't know where it was! But it'll be worse than... It'll be worse than death. And then I'll have to die in here.
"And then I'll go back there.
"No more memories, no anything.
"Just suffering."