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“Would you join me on a short ride?” his king looked at him with kind clear eyes. Faramir smiled but quickly looked away at the clever hands of the king braiding his daughter’s hair. Elessar looked delighted, there was ink on his nose, and is hair was a mess, yet he lost none of the regal air that Faramir saw behind him, it followed him everywhere like a cloak or an aroma. The royal study was filled with the voices of all three of king’s children talking at him at once. Some more coherent that the others. Three dark haired heads bobbing around, there pairs of blue-grey eyes looking at him expectantly.
“Of course, lord, this afternoon?” he received only a less than kingly glare as a response, but that glare softened, once Aragorn saw a ribbon in the Steward’s extended hand. Faramir watched as quick finger tied a rangers double knot.
“Not that short, Prince. There is no fires, no floods, this yeas has been kind. I want to ride and camp for a day or two days. We can leave Gondor in Arwen’s capable hands. So what do you say, a short ride?” He was done now with the second braid. Faramir offered him another ribbon and started collecting papers and scrolls from the table. Somehow he knew king was about to leave. He always knew what king was about to do these days.
“So a bed of rocks and some squirrel meat to share with my liege? I shall be delighted. Shall we visit Ithilien?” His king laughed and stood up. “Faramir, would you abstain from reading my mind? That is exactly were we are going, Prince.” Faramir courteously bowed, his face lit up in a cheeky smile.
“I am afraid that is a skill every Steward has to acquire, you highness.” Aragorn put his heavy hot hand on Faramir’s shoulder, the other holding his youngest and they left the chamber together, smiling.
***
This 7 years of prosperity have changed his domain, maybe it was magic of elves now living here. No scars of war were left on his land, and his own scars have healed. The age has changed, the world has changed with it. And so Faramir was a different man now.
It’s been a lovely day. They left city early and Faramir got to see sun moving through the skies and now hanging quite close to the horizon. He could not recall the last time he enjoyed Anar’s whole journey, he has been following a different sun.
They stopped to wash off the sweat at the crustal clear but cold pond, fed by an underground mountain water. Its surface was golden in the low afternoon light. Pine forrest air mixed with a fresh cool of running water. They brought the horses to the bank. Faramir averted his gaze as his king undressed without a shame like boy, his body slender and youthful, ranger physic not ruined by the throne. Faramir could join him but for a short time. His king was as resistant to cold as he was to the passage of time.
When they’ve met, fuzzy as his memories of that time were, he thought Aragorn older man. He hasn’t changed since then and now Faramir often caught himself thinking they were equal in age, though of course not in other things. King however treated him as an equal and never quite learned to tolerate Faramir’s deference. Faramir could never give it up for the sake of his own sanity. How else could he stop himself from shattering, when the promised King was embracing him after victory, hot from the battle, or whispering a joke into his ear during a feast. It helped that he was nothing like the statues of the fallen kings in the tombs of the city, those were all cold like marble, King Elessar was anything but.
They led the horses up the hill and in the dusk made camp. Faramir once again was taken aback by the skill of that strange man, his king, who found a spot so secluded, that someone could pass mere steps away, without noticing their fire or hearing their quiet conversation. Trees covered most of the sky, but there was a clear patch right above them, light of the first stars was warmer than usual this summer night.
They shared not a squirrel but some cold meat, bread, cheese and a treat of dried fruit. Food was better than anything he ate in months, earned by the long day. Aragorn took out his long pipe and filled it with the pipe-weed. Flint sparks lit up stars in his eyes.
Faramir was lost in thoughts, mesmerised by the fire in the dying day. In the last months he grew distracted, restless. At first the reason was clear to him, since his duties grew lighter than ever, so he resumed his studies, but his thoughts were scattered, his attention — elsewhere . This ride should do him good. When he came back he noticed keen grey eyes looking at him intently. Will it ever stop startling him like that? How can the man so easy to laugh be the man with that heavy piercing gaze. Faramir suspected it was in truth his thoughts that were being read.
“Did you enjoy the day, friend?” Aragorn’s gaze softened somewhat, like a stare of a loving house cat, relaxed but attentive.
“Your wisdom have been demonstrated once again. A day like that in these parts, so close to the mountains? Unimaginable just a few years ago. Unimaginable even though it’s my own domain, this very hands planted oak saplings we passed earlier. I have been greedy with my many blessings. About time for some gratitude. My country is healing, my people have children, they marry and dance again. The brew ale even better than before” Aragorn raised his flask to that with a slight grin. “And I am the most fortunate of all. My wife is a woman like no other, my equal and my confidant. I am blessed with a daughter, who made me truly understand what love is. And I am not a Steward of the a just ruler? How many could claim that in all of the Ages of this world. The day I swore my allegiance to you is among happiest of my life, like the day my little one was born.”
“I am not convinced you remember either of those days, you didn’t look all that lucid. Yet so very courteous, as always, even wrapped in bandages. Even then you were more loyal to me than I deserve. Prosperity of this land is a testimony to your hard work.” Faramir had to look away, he found it hard to receive praise, ever since he was a child, though he was offered plenty from people he held dearest, most of them anyway. He heard from others that even before becoming a king he was always meant to be, Aragorn was the same way, generous and warm. He was easy to love as a commander, as a ruler and above all as a friend. For Faramir however loving was always easier than accepting the love, especially the love of his king.
“A purpose is a gift most men will never receive. Lord, you’ve been generous with me, today you gave me another one — peace and time to reflect, a chance to enjoy my beautiful country like I used to when I was a boy. This ride made me reconsider much.”
“And that is even before our conversation by the fire.” Sharp eyes were still looking at him through the haze of smoke. “I know you noticed me disappearing lately, I can’t let my wild self grow restless. As a young man I tried to control it, but it’s never done me any good. Instead I learned to nurture that beast. He needs loneliness, but he also craves company. I’ve been missing the confidence of night and fire shared. Legolas and a few of my people from the North, would join me sometime, but I was eager to ride out with you. Aren’t we both Rangers? I am grateful for your gift to me, this evening under summer stars.” Aragorn leaned on the pine behind him, one hand behind his head, one holding his smouldering pipe absentmindedly. “So you’ve been happy with lady Eowyn?” He quickly added with a concerned expression. ”Forgive me, if I ask too much. I cherish the bond we have and want to learn more about your life, my friend.”
“Such flattering praise” Faramir answered after a while. “As your friend I am happy to share that my marriage have been and is happy. It was a wise marriage, the one of convenience, diplomatic and otherwise, as my wife is a particular woman. But it was a marriage of infatuation and now it is a marriage of love. Though I must say it is a smaller domestic love, not like the epic love of yours and your Queen.” Faramir disliked the taste of defensiveness in his words, but continued. “Your is the the stuff of legends. A saga of separated love, chaste hearts and many obstacles. Busking in its light or being in its shadow, however you want to look at it, has put things in perspective. And honestly made me appreciate my quite home more.”
“I am blinded by it myself, I’m no Beren, just a man happy to breathe in divine pine forrest smell” Faramir only chuckled in response.
“I may believe that, but your lady, she is awesome, councilmen are frozen solid when she presides. I’m sure you can have as many short rides as you’d like. No one would dare to misbehave under her gaze.”
“Oh yes, she sees through any man as if he was a shallow mountain stream. Especially me.” This time a frown passed through his features like a night wind through the woods around them. “Yet it is not all as you think. Yes, even since I saw her I knew there could be no happiness for me without her, or at least a hope of her. Ours was a long engagement was a long one, but it was not chaste.” Faramir’s eyes widened in disbelief. “I was very young, when I swore my love, but it was time for me to serve my people. Before I left she made me give her a promise. She said she knew love before and wished that I had my share of it. She said the road ahead me was long and hard, and she knew did not want me to endure it alone. Love will find you however good you are at hiding your tracks. I made a promise then to accept whatever comes my way with an open heart. Perhaps I was just a little wounded by how little she thought of me. I though I was not a mere man, I was Aragorn son of Arathorn, Elrond’s ward, an heir of the great kingdom of Men. Time proved her wisdom and tempered my pride.”
“Did you keep the promise?” Faramir asked when the silence ringing between then and the beating of his own heart became too loud to bear.
“Yes. It was an easy promise to keep. Since then I’ve known many different kinds of love, and all pleasure and pain it brings.” Aragorn’s voice grew softer and Faramir was transfixed as he was moved in closer.
He sat hugging his knees close like he used to as a child. He could not look away from the play of light and shadow on the thoughtful face of his king. Somehow Faramir has forgotten how old he was. He thought he knew this strange dark man. Yes, he knew him by the light footsteps alone, he could recognise that stride in any crowd, that voice at the rowdiest feast. He was a soft spoken man, a tender father and healer, and he was more. But he was also quick witted and cunning in negotiations. And there was the royal rage. How could he forget how terrifying Aragorn could be leading men into battle. Yes, he was all those things and many more he has never even considered. “And she never held that against you? Are elves so blessed that their souls don’t burn with jealousy?”
“My queen is not a jealous kind. She has a temper, but it never turns against those she loves.” Just then he noticed that his pipe grew cold and lit it up again. “It took time for me to accept how wise she was. She knew I’d love others, she knew it would never diminish our love. Once I did she shared her own stories. Her heartbreak and her youthful mistakes, though even Lady Evenstar has those. And I laughed and cried with her, our feeling made richer and stronger for having shared those tears.” They sat for a while listening to a singing of a distant bird.
“Were you kind to them, lord? After all your heart was full. ” Aragorn threw some wood in the fire and moved closer to it.
“I daresay you know what it means to share someone’s affection with a silent third. Even if only for a short time.” Yes, Faramir knew, and he never found it hard, because he understood his wife’s infatuation, then and still many lost themselves with the King of Gondor and Anor. “I shared bed with strangers, I was infatuated and loved deeply. I was always as generous as I could ever be, always tender with the bloom of love. Only a fool would stomp on the garden of his own soul.”
***
They were quiet for some time. Aragorn filled another pipe. The soft whisper of burning herb mixed with the wind. Faramir felt shivers, even though, the night was warm. Aragorn noticed and unfastened a cape before throwing it over Steward’s grateful shoulders.
Faramir wrapped it around himself tightly, he felt familiar heat and familiar smell surround him. It was overwhelming at first, but soon he felt comforted. At last he dared to ask. “Lord, tell me of those you love, were there many?”
“Many? Not at all” king spoke wistfully. “I had scarcely time and strength was left for anything other than what duty demanded.” His face darkened and he continued “There was once a woman in Rohan. She was married. Another friend who used to say marriage of convenience“ Faramir felt the pause turn heavy with meaning. ”No love grew out of it, only pain. Her husband was serving the king, he was away often, she called it her the first of her only three blessings. And somehow t without fail I would find it out every time.” Men exchanged a knowing looks. Faramir smiled bitterly. “Somehow I would always end up knocking on her kitchen window, or wait for her near the creek when she would come for water. She kept things secret. And I was mad about her.” Faramir’s chest became tight, for he knew such sorrow well. “The brute, her husband, he never found out. But many a times I found his marks on the body I loved so much. Yet I could never interfere, it would ruin her. She was already marked a witch by her village. And she was, such was her second blessing. She treated children and expecting mothers, gave relief to dying. And only by her herbal wisdom we never had a child.” Perhaps there was regret in the king’s ways or perhaps it was just a sad birdsong accompanying his tale. “She taught me and in time her knowledge found its rightful place in the libraries of Rivendell, I made sure of that. I felt like something of hers must live on and it does. ” He chuckled. “She knew no jealousy and expected nothing of me refusing to accept any promise. She said that we have nothing but today and so today was the only thing that counts. Who else have been so blessed with love of such women? Your beloved reminds me of her. Practical, and with big heart she was.”
“Indeed, my wife was never one to dwell on things she has no control over, yet there are not many such things” They laughed but it cheerfulness was shallow. An owl was hooting nearby, they listened to its voice fade, before Aragorn continued.
“Her husband due to her witchcraft or his own undeserved luck survived many battles. Retired he came home, in boredom his jealousy and drink gnawed on him. We could scarcely meet. And one day I came to find her house empty. And then I came to find her grave. He killed her in blind rage over a visit to a sick child, claimed his daughter was not his before striking her. They don’t punish men for such things in Rohan.”
“What happened to him?”
Aragorn looked him in the eyes and did not answer.
“Her daughter, whom I first met when she was no older than my eldest. I saw her last when she had her own newborn child. She asked me to come no longer. And so I did not. I met that newborn as a grown warrior with his own sons at the battle of Helm’s Deep. He lives, blessed be the Valar.”
Such sorrow spilled in this clear summer night. The birds have seemingly shifted into minor key and sang desperately. Faramir’s voice was but a firm when he asked despite knowing the answer “What was her last blessing, lord?”
“She called me blessing in the language of the language of the Rohirrim. Though I brought he nothing but worry. Her love was the real blessing and I’ve never known such heartbreak. Believe me, I’ve known I’ve tasted grief of every sort, but nothing else like that. Since her I never loved another again this way. But time healed me. I shared the pain with my Queen. We cried together and held each other, my grief only colouring our love yet it still runs sweet.”
“But there were others before?”
“Oh yes. There was a young man.” Faramir looked at Aragorn sharply. “A ranger. Such things are known to happen. Two men sharing a fire, like we do, can share other things also. Even men who would never do or think such a thing otherwise.”
“It’s punishable in Gondor’s army. You signed those rules, my King.” Faramir’s eyes flashed with a memory or two of those rules being enforced, embarrassment and something else crept into him.
“Yes, out of loneliness and despair ugly thing can grow. Violence and force. But sometime loves grows there also. Though to the observer this can look one and the same, I wise commander will punish one and not the other. And I hope I am wise enough King to never punish love in this Land. ” He blew out a ring of smoke. “It’s started on a cold night with this man, a boy truly. As was I, just a boy, not older than you. And I was a lot like you. My own dreams full of grief and pain. My father a ghost, with the shadow to the very horizon. I was eager to share this burden with another.” Aragorn’s voice grew quiet, almost a whisper. Faramir had to move in closer. “He had a lot of love to give, he was desperate to give it. That first night he undressed me and only stared at me in disbelief, even his boots were on. He thought his loneliness was playing trick on his mind, that changed quickly.” A pipe light and a cheeky smile coloured Aragorn’s face. ”But it was poisoned, he could never bear knowing I loved someone else. Our sweetness would turn to bitter and our words turned sharp. And he suffered like a boat in the storm, moved high and low by the tempests of his feelings. For his sake and my own I broke it off. He took it badly. He would track me wishing to let his offence be known but again and again we ended in each other’s arms. That could not last. He made me a better ranger and I learned to hide my trail from a friend as well as foe. Still he ambushed me once talking to another chieftain, his superior. Dúnadan are tolerant, but nothing should intrude the spirits of the rangers. He was not my subordinate and things stayed between us three, however he was sent away. He died just 10 years later in a battle, and left a grieving husband behind. Untainted his love must have been a blessing. I do not regret loving him, I do not regret him loving another better.”
***
Once again silence fell. Nothing in the air but a whisper of the ind in the leaves. Faramir was surprised to found himself side by side with Aragorn. They turned to look at each other.“It is well that the sorrow is now behind you, as is your engagement.” The levity in his tone was forced and the pause that followed unnerve him further.
“The promise was never taken back. Faramir, our lives are long. Things have changed, and I am older, my life has no place for chance encounters in the forest and drunk puppy-love, indeed. Yet I am not arrogant enough to presume, I’ve known all there is to know of my own heart. But so far I was a faithful husband, however I know this can change.” He looked up and smiled. “The stars move quicker when one talks of the past. You must be tired now, shall we turn in?”
“I don’t think I could fall asleep now, your stories made my heart ache.” Indeed, hair was standing on the nape of Faramir’s neck and his heart was loud in his ears.
“I hope it did not make you apprehensive to our future rides together, since I wanted to ask something of you. Next waxing moon I will travel to Rivendell. Can your beloved family spare you? I want you to join me.”
“It will be my pleasure, lord.”
Aragorn gestured him to stop. “Don’t be so haste to agree. It’s not an errand. It’s pleasure I hoped to share with you. I want to learn more of what goes on behind those eyes. Do you know they change as quickly as weather in your domain? I want to learn more of you. And of that bond we share. Because my heart is restless again, my Prince Faramir.”
Faramir could barely hear the last words over the thunder of his own heart. His whole body was charged. How long has it been known? How many knew? Probably all of them, his wife, council members, every last citizen of Minas Tirith knew. He thought himself cunning, careful. Never would he let his gaze or voice betray him. Or so he thought. In truth he is a fool. Those flashes creeped out on him, driving him into the loneliness of his study or library. He was not safe from them during the public functions and often king would notice something, and give him a long attentive look. Now it all was so clear. He was so very ashamed yet he had only one thing to say, “I was never with a man before.”
“That is of no importance. Please, don’t feel any obligation to me. I want you in my life as you want to be in it. I can be your sovereign or an older brother to you, though I could never replace Boromir, I would be the best one I can. But that’s not what my heart tells me you want.” To this Faramir could only laugh.
“You Steward is such a fool, that you had to take him into the forest, to talk some sense into him. It took me a long time to admit my infatuation. Was it so obvious to you all along?” Aragorn took a moment before responding.
“Not at all obvious was it not for the fact that we see each other’s dreams and hear echos of each others thoughts.” To this Faramir turned his whole body to him, only thin layer of cooling night air between them.
“How could it be?” He stopped to regain his composure. They were both Dúnadan Rangers after all. As long as he remembers his dreams were not entirely his own. But lately he dreamt of forests so old the trees there still knew how to talk, he dreamt of caverns dark below the ground, of places he could never have visited. “That dream, where I fight side by side with my grandfather it is not really mine, is it?” Aragorn shook his head.“And my father is so young in those dreams, he looks so much like my brother, but with cold eyes and a sharp smile. I thought weeks of the meaning of it, for my father was not a kind man. He would never visit me in my dreams, even in his death.”
“No he wasn’t. You’re lucky to only inherit one thing from him. His blood was old. Sometimes I look at you and see a serious quiet youth with a manner of a seasoned warrior. And lately all I can think when I see you is that I must protect this boy as well as I can. Yet I cannot protect you from my bad dreams or from his own heartache.” King’s hot hand landed on his shoulder. “Many times I woke up in tears, grieving for your brother as if I just lost him. I can only hope it made your own grief a shade lighter.”
The looked into each others eyes. And Faramir was taken over by the heat of desire. It was not even the first time today. He remembered at the pond he felt it when he saw white buttocks submerge into water, looked at the broad back and scarred shoulders of this strange man, who he swore his life to.
“You stray thoughts sometimes come to me too. There is a particular one, where you ambush me outside of the councils doors and smash me into the wall with a kiss so hungry. All while the heated debate is still going on. It makes my blood rush, so I can no longer use the south entrance to that chamber. No matter how many time I ride alone, you will still come to me when I close my eyes, when I let my thought wander, when an emptiness in my chest reminds me that you are not with me. Can you forgive me for wanting more?” King’s gaze fell to Faramir’s lips and their voices fell silent.