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The announcement of his engagement takes everyone by surprise. Atsumu, who often rejoices in having the upper hand; in knowing more; in having an insight to information no one else holds; oddly shies away from all eyes that move to stare at him once his father is done his speech.
Atsumu is used to being the centre of attention and because of that, more often than not, he can decipher the meaning behind the stares people give him. Unfortunately, that means he understands all too well the discontent coming from his mother and the piercing anger coming from his brother.
His father doesn’t leave room for questions. The few advisers that rise to comment on the engagement are easily shut down with a menacing stare and before long, the room is dismissed.
“Itachiyama?” His mother questions when everyone but the royal family and royal guards are left in the throne room. “Their crown prince is already married. As is their second eldest.”
His father sighs, letting his shoulders relax now that he is in close company. “Atsumu will marry the youngest prince, Sakusa Kiyoomi.” Atsumu inwardly flinches at the reminder and he feels an itch grow in his throat. It’s been happening every time he hears that name. It’s an itch that resembles the lingering feelings of displeasure and discomfort.
“What about the other kingdoms? Surely there were other options...” his mother trails off and Atsumu finds the courage to glance her way. Their eyes meet for a second before she looks away and Atsumu lets his head shift to the side to make eye contact with his father instead.
See, his gaze seems to say, I warned you.
“…A closer alliance with Itachiyama is surely beneficial but to marry our son to someone with such little power...”
“You’re my heir, Atsumu.” His father had said less than sixteen hours ago. “Do you have any idea what I would be giving up?”
“Please. Please.”
“Atsumu,” his mom suddenly calls and Atsumu’s head snaps towards her. She doesn’t say anything so Atsumu takes the hint and moves towards her. From the corner of his eyes, he can feel Osamu’s gaze following him.
When he is finally standing in front of her, his mother takes a long moment to study him before she sighs, her hands moving to hold his cheeks to force him to lean down so she can kiss his forehead. Atsumu usually gets upset when she shows this type of physical affection, (especially with the royal guards around) but this time he says nothing as he hears her whisper gentle words of encouragement before pulling away.
I’m proud of you, her eyes seem to say when Atsumu meets them again.
He swallows and looks away.
It’s unsettling how Atsumu can’t find the courage to look at either of his parents while they seem just fine staring at him, their gazes feeling heavier than usual. Furthermore, Osamu has yet to speak or do anything other than gawk at Atsumu and that is doing nothing to settle his beating heart.
Thankfully it’s not long until there is a knock on the door and his father is called back to his duties. Everyone is dismissed and Atsumu wastes no time in rushing out of the room. Kageyama barely manages to match his pace as Atsumu skilfully avoids Osamu and Suna on his way out.
“Tsumu!”
Atsumu is far ahead to act like he didn’t hear, though by the sheer volume of his brother’s voice it's hardly a believable act. He doesn’t care. He carries on, Kageyama following behind him as he passes by three more corridors before making it outside.
“You caught him off guard just now,” Kageyama speaks once Atsumu slows his pace, “you won’t next time.”
“I don’t know what yer talkin' about,” Atsumu mumbles, looking up at the sky as he tries to catch his breath. The wind picks up and the clouds clear out enough for sunlight to hit his eyes. Atsumu lifts his hand to block the light and takes a moment to notice how pale his skin looks.
He swallows and looks down, aware that even though he is out of the throne room and no one seems to be staring at him, the tension in his muscles can’t seem to go away.
“Does Hinata know?” Kageyama asks shortly after.
Atsumu pauses, his insides churning in discomfort as the breeze once again picks up, messing with his hair. He feels his heartbeat against his chest, one, two, three times and then he takes a deep breath in and releases all the air in a loud sigh. “Yes.”
Hinata knows because he was there when Atsumu stormed into his father's office sixteen hours ago.
(“You can’t!” Atsumu shouted, eyes finding his father as he tried to ignore Hinata’s kneeling form. “Father.”
His father’s cold eyes lock on him but it’s the frown he wears that chills Atsumu’s bones. “Atsumu, I didn’t raise you to be an eavesdropper.”
“Father,” Atsumu tries again, his mouth opening and closing as he fails to find the words to say.
“My mind has been made up.” His father states, “Fukurodani continues to grow. I can’t ignore their threat any longer. It won’t be long until our bordering kingdoms fall. An alliance with Itachiyama is crucial.”
“But what about the rumours!”
“Hardly rumours,” Hinata speaks up. Atsumu flinches while his father doesn’t even blink. “Itachiyama and Fukurodani have an alliance, we have enough proof.”
“Father,” Atsumu pleads, still incapable of figuring out what to say. There is a lot of information running in his head. Since he caught the first few words of the conversation between Hinata and his father, Atsumu has felt as if the world is closing in on him.
There is so much to process, so much more to even begin to dissect. Hinata’s report had been no more than a few minutes long but it already feels like the information given is more than anyone can handle. The fact that his father has managed to even focus on a solution is astonishing.
Though Atsumu doesn’t understand why it has come to something so drastic so quickly.
“Atsumu, the kingdom comes first.” His father says after a long pause and Atsumu hates how his mind quickly accepts that fact. His heart, however, wants to pop out of his chest in denial.
“But Osamu—“
“Is my son.” His father interrupts, “do you not believe him capable of serving our kingdom?”
“That’s not it!” Atsumu knows he is raising his voice higher than his father would normally tolerate but all logic seems to have left him as the clock ticks and he can’t seem to find the right words to get his point across.
“Atsumu, I’ve had enough of this.” His father sternly affirms before turning back to face Hinata. Atsumu’s heart sinks. “Let’s continue with your report—“
He inhales.
“I’ll do it.”
The words come out in a rush but Atsumu doesn’t regret them.
A head tilt is the only reaction Atsumu catches from Hinata. In contrast, his father fully turns to face him, mouth wide open before it settles to a straight line. “You’ll do it?”
“I’ll marry the Itachiyama prince.” Atsumu gulps. “In Samu’s place.”
“You’re my heir, Atsumu.”
“Please.” Atsumu’s heart beats faster. “Please.”)
“And?” Kageyama asks, taking Atsumu’s mind from the memory.
Atsumu looks at him and then after a moment, he looks back up to the sky. “And what?”
Kageyama doesn’t sound impressed as he gives his response. “What does he think?”
(“You only delayed the inevitable.” Hinata tells him once he escorts Atsumu back to his room, an hour later after Atsumu interrupted his meeting with his father. “Osamu will eventually be married off, you can’t prevent that.”
Atsumu doesn’t say anything for the remainder of their walk and once he is in his room he chooses to collapse on the edge of his bed and sigh dramatically before finally giving his response. “I know,” he says with his head tilted down, “it’s just a battle, not the war, I know.”
Hinata doesn’t say anything. Instead, Atsumu hears him walk towards the small table on the left side of his room where he serves himself a glass of water before he starts taking off his armour. At some point Atsumu lifts his head to just watch him do so, his mind still mainly running over the conversation with his father to truly appreciate Hinata’s form.
“Sakusa Kiyoomi seems like a decent man,” Hinata says after a long moment of silence. “Maybe the next option won’t be.”
“Shouyou,” Atsumu calls for him with a sigh, “don’t.”
Hinata takes another drink of water before walking towards Atsumu. Once in front of him he is quick to straddle him; pushing his chest so that Atsumu lays on his bed instead of sitting. Hinata carefully positions himself on top of him, Atsumu’s clothes feeling soft against his bare skin. “What’s in your mind, my prince?”
Atsumu meets Hinata’s eyes, his hands moving to hold his hips while Hinata starts to loosen up the buttons on Atsumu’s shirt.“We’re going to have to stop this.”
“Of course,” Hinata says, leaning down to kiss Atsumu’s neck once his shirt lies open.
Neither of them say anything after that, filling the room with silence other than the soft sounds coming from Hinata as he sucks on Atsumu’s skin.
Atsumu doesn't know how much time passes like this, but just for a moment, he loses himself to the familiar feeling of Hinata touching him. His mind clears as desire grows inside him.
“I’m going to miss you.”
Hinata doesn’t even stop to think, “I’ll always be by your side,” he says honestly.
“I’m going to miss ya like this.” Atsumu clarifies, his hands finally reaching to grab a hold of Hinata’s face so that he can pull him forward for a kiss.
Atsumu tastes the sweet wine Hinata always buys when he returns from a mission before he feels a small tremble and Hinata pulls away just enough to mutter words that are coated with a bitter undertone.
“You’re the one that offered yourself up for marriage.”
Atsumu frowns, one of his hands sliding to the back of Hinata’s neck to pull him into a much more desperate kiss. Hinata moans against his mouth, body grinding down while both his hands rest on Atsumu’s waist.
“Shouyou, he just needs more time,” Atsumu says when Hinata pulls away to catch his breath.
Hinata looks at him as if he can’t quite believe they are still talking about this before his features relax and he is offering Atsumu a sad smile. “He won’t do it,” he says, expression softening before clarifying, “run away. He won’t do it.”
“He will,” Atsumu counters, knowing well his words aren’t backed up by his usual confidence when making statements. “It’s the only way— he knows that. They both do. They just need more time.”
Hinata takes a moment to study Atsumu before he sighs, one of his hands moving to caress his cheeks softly before he speaks again. “Do you think he loves you any less than you love him?” Hinata asks and when Atsumu closes his mouth shut and turns his head sideways, he uses the hand on his cheek to force Atsumu to face him once again. “Atsumu, you offered to take his place in an arranged marriage. Osamu won’t run away, not if it means leaving you.”
I know that, Atsumu thinks but out loud he tries, “Rin—“
“Suna loves him enough to understand that,” Hinata concludes before Atsumu can voice another stupid excuse.
“That’s.” Atsumu clicks his tongue, “I can’t accept that.”
Hinata chuckles, his hand once again gently grazing Atsumu’s face before he leans back and positions himself more comfortably on top of him. “You are too kind, my prince.” He says and Atsumu watches the way his eyes go from watching him with admiration to something darker. “I’m really going to miss this.”)
“He thinks I’m making a mistake,” Atsumu states because that’s more or less what Hinata had said with all his words.
“Oh,” Kageyama says, “so you had a choice?”
Atsumu’s heart skips a beat as he turns to face Kageyama who wears his usual deadpan expression. “I didn’t say that.”
“The prince will figure it out.” Kageyama tells him, “if not by himself then his knight will tell him.”
Atsumu grits his teeth, “what does Sunarin even know.”
“From where we stood it was easy to see.” Kageyama explains, “the King is kind, especially when it comes to his children.” He stops for a second, thinking his words over before saying, “he couldn’t meet prince Osamu’s eyes.”
“That’s not even—! Urgh,” Atsumu groans looking up at the sky one last time before he finds the energy to dismiss Kageyama once he escorts him to the palace’s library.
Of course, since Kageyama is his knight, him being dismissed just means he will stand guard at the door. Atsumu is more than fine with that since all he needs is time alone to deal with his thoughts. And by dealing with his thoughts he means ignoring everything his mind is telling him to make peace with his decision.
In all honesty, Atsumu doesn’t regret what he did. If anything, the only thing that bothers him is that Hinata was very right in everything he said about Osamu. About his fate and his lack of initiative to do what he must to live a life that will make him happy. Not that he is currently unhappy, just that when Osamu is forced to marry someone, the happiness he has will quickly vanish.
Atsumu spends two hours reading books about Itachiyama to distract himself and then another hour on books about royal bloodlines and marriages. Sometime shortly after he hears Kageyama’s voice through the door followed by a loud knock and muffled shouting.
Atsumu winces, moving closer to the door to better hear the altercation.
“I won’t ask again, Tobio. Move. That’s an order.”
“I’m sorry your highness,” Kageyama responds, “the prince has requested to be left alone.”
“Tobio, I swear to god—“
“My prince.” Atsumu falters, almost knocking his head against the door. Hinata. “I’ve been looking for you.”
“I’m not Atsumu,” Osamu responds and Atsumu is reminded of how Hinata once told him Osamu is under the impression that Hinata can’t tell them apart.
“I’m aware my prince,” Atsumu hears Hinata say, “the king is looking for you.”
“I’m not leavin’ until I talk to that idiot I call brother.”
“It’s about his engagement.” Hinata then says and Atsumu freezes, “are you sure you don’t want to go?”
Atsumu waits for Osamu’s response but it never comes. Then all too quickly he hears footsteps and Atsumu’s heart speeds up as he goes to reach for the handle of the door, ready to pull it open to stop his brother but before he can the door opens from the other side and Atsumu stumbles back, almost falling. “Wait Samu can’t—“
“Don’t worry, your father is only seeking him for trivial matters,” Hinata tells him and Atsumu lets those words sink before he notices Kageyama’s absence. He blinks, turning to the only other figure standing next to Hinata who is—
“Sunarin.”
“Your highness,” Suna starts, head bowed down. “May I have a word?”
Atsumu tries to decline but Suna is stubborn and Hinata is on his side. Hinata shuts down all his excuses while Suna all but pushes him back inside the library for a conversation Atsumu was in no way ready to have. He doesn’t even get a chance to say much. Suna does most of the talking even though for a great part of the time he is demanding answers from Atsumu.
The thing about Suna is that like Kageyama, Atsumu has known him for most of his life. They played together when they were kids and then later studied and trained together throughout their teens. They only ever separated when they became adults at the age of eighteen; Suna and Kageyama left for a year of training to become knights while Atsumu and his brother stayed in the castle learning more about ruling the country.
When Atsumu was presented to the nation as the official crown prince, they were reunited. Kageyama then swore his life to Atsumu and Suna did the same for Osamu. They were knights but more importantly royal guards. Kageyama and Suna owned riches and land worthy of any nobleman. They held a very high standing in Inarizaki.
But never high enough.
Atsumu was quick to realize that when he first discovered his brother’s relationship with his knight. He was shocked, to say the least before the shock soon turned into confusion and then hurt. Why hadn’t Osamu told him? How long has this been going on? What are they even...?
(“Maybe they are like us.” Hinata once told him when Atsumu trusted him with his discovery.
Atsumu remembers looking down at Hinata while he loomed over his stretched-out body. Atsumu tightened the grip he had on Hinata’s hands over his head and shook his head. “I don’t think they are.”)
They aren’t. Osamu and Suna don’t have what Atsumu and Hinata have. Or more like, Atsumu and Hinata lack what Osamu and Suna have.
It took a while for Atsumu to catch on but eventually, he couldn’t stop ignoring the clear signs. It became hard to stay oblivious to the hidden meaning behind their stares. Every time Atsumu caught sight of their lingering touches he became more and more convinced. Then, one day months after he first saw them laying together in his brother’s room, Atsumu catches them again and thinks love.
How else can he explain the feeling that burns deep within him every time he catches the expression on his brother's face.
Osamu loves Suna.
(“It’s a dead end.” Hinata tells him as he kneels in front of Atsumu, expression sad even though just moments ago his eyes were covered with lust. “Sir Suna can never ask for his hand. He made an oath.”
“I’ll strip him from his title when I take the throne,” Atsumu says, his curling around Hinata’s messy locks.
“Atsumu,” Hinata says, his voice gentle, “he would be exiled.”
“I’ll find a way.”)
And Suna loves him back. Atsumu knows because Kageyama notices.
Kageyama notices but he doesn’t say anything. He barely even manages to tell Atsumu, always choosing to keep his opinion to himself even though his eyes say more than enough. However, if Kageyama noticed that means they are getting reckless and it won’t be long until his parents catch wind of it.
Days, weeks, months pass and Atsumu keeps a close eye on them. He covers any trails they leave behind, closes any doors that are left ajar, silences every gust of a rumour that makes it to his ears. He does all that while he mindlessly searches for a solution never once letting Osamu know that he knows his secret.
(“You think the prince knows?” Hinata asks as Atsumu leaves a trail of kisses down his back. “About us?”
Atsumu pauses for a second and thinks. He knows Osamu pays close attention to him and cares for him just as much as Atsumu cares for him in return. If Atsumu figured out his secret there is no reason for him to think Osamu isn’t capable of doing the same.
Yet. “No,” Atsumu says, hands pulling Hinata’s legs apart while he positions himself behind him. “There is nothing to know.”)
But even with all that searching, Atsumu can’t find anything.
He can’t find a way to make it work. He can’t even talk to his brother about it to offer his comfort since Osamu never once decides to trust him. He keeps his relationship with Suna a secret and Atsumu doesn’t let that bother him because at this point he has nothing to offer his brother in return for the truth.
And now time is not on their side.
Now Atsumu has agreed to an arranged marriage in hopes of giving his brother just a little more time. Because the truth of the matter is that there is one solution. There is one way Osamu and Suna can carry on with their relationship.
(“You know.” Suna accuses him the moment the doors of the library are sealed closed. “You’ve always known.” Atsumu doesn’t say anything. He can’t even meet Suna’s eyes as the knight begins to close in on himself. “Is that why…” he inhales, “it was supposed to be Osamu. The one to marry the Itachiyama prince was supposed to be Osamu.”
“Sunarin—“
“Why?”
Atsumu recoils. “Why?”
“Why did you…?” He trails off, his hands now opening and closing as he tries to control the anger Atsumu feels seeping from his words. “Osamu will be enraged when he finds out. You shouldn’t have done something so stupid.”
“Stupid?” Atsumu hisses, “Am I hearing this right? Sunarin, do ya even hear yourself? Father wanted to marry Osamu of—”
“It’s his duty as a prince—”
“Don’t ya love him!?” Atsumu shouts.
“So what!” Suna fumes, “so what if I love him? This has nothing to do with me!” Atsumu is momentarily shocked at the tone Suna uses, but more than that the battle of emotions in his eyes is what has him stepping back, mouth shut as he listens to the rest of what Suna has to say. “I knew that what I had with Osamu would come to an end. I knew he was never really mine from the beginning. Osamu is a prince and I am his knight.
And you— you are the crown prince! You have a higher duty to this country. To give yourself up for my feelings is foolish. Are you out of your damn mind!?”
Atsumu hears the words and can’t quite believe them. “Your feelings? Suna I care for ya, I do, but if ya think me acceptin' to marry the Itachiyama prince is for the sake of yer feelings then you’re deeply mistaken.”
“You think Osamu would want this?” Suna laughs and Atsumu catches sight of the tears building up in his eyes. “You think he would ever pick me over you?”)
If Osamu ran away; if he took Suna’s hand, packed his bags and left, then they could make it work.
Hinata was the first to make that suggestion. He did so as a joke but Atsumu couldn’t stop thinking about it afterwards. He obsessed over the idea until he was ready to hand Osamu a map and order him to run.
Yet he never did because Osamu running away meant he would never be allowed back. It would mean Atsumu would have to lose his brother forever and regardless of how much he wanted Osamu to live a happy life, Atsumu selfishly cared about his happiness more.
Atsumu could never give up his brother, but maybe he wouldn’t stop him if he chose to leave all on his own.
So that’s what he was hoping for now. He needed to buy his brother and Suna time for them to get their things together and finally make the leap. Yet that conversation with Suna did nothing but crumble the last bit of hope Atsumu carried.
“My prince,” Hinata calls out to him later that night after sneaking inside his room, probably with the help of Kageyama. “Atsumu.” He tries again when Atsumu doesn’t say anything from where he stands by the table, a glass of wine in his hands. “I came to say goodbye.”
Atsumu tilts his head when he hears those words. From the corner of his eyes he sees Hinata standing by his door in full uniform. “Yer leavin’?” Atsumu slurs, surprised for a moment as his eyes fall on the nearly empty jar of wine.
“Your father has requested I return to Itachiyama for more investigation.”
Atsumu snorts, drinking the rest of the wine in his glass. “Ya can just say he wants you to spy on my future husband.”
He hears Hinata move closer. “He is more concerned about his older siblings.” He says, “Sakusa Kiyoomi is a quiet man.”
“I heard he is a prick.” Atsumu mumbles.
“A… prick?” Hinata asks and Atsumu is taken by the softness of his tone. He turns then to fully face Hinata, putting the glass down on the table before slouching forward. “I wouldn’t know about that.” Hinata says, watching Atsumu quietly before adding, “He is handsome.” Atsumu raises an eyebrow, “but not like you.”
“Ya think I’m handsome?”
“I think you’re gorgeous,” Hinata replies with a smile, his hands capable of reaching for Atsumu’s face to guide him forward while Atsumu is surprised at the compliment. “Even though you’re quite pale these days.”
“Not all of us can spend hours in the sun,” Atsumu remarks, his body suddenly feeling too hot. He thinks it might be the wine but Hinata’s eyes have him second-guessing that thought. “Shouyou, did I make a mistake?”
Hinata doesn’t stop to think over his response. “If you did, there is nothing you can do about it now.”
Atsumu swallows before he asks his next question. “If ya loved me, wouldja run away with me?”
“If you loved me, I don’t think you would ever ask me to.”
Atsumu hums, letting Hinata finally close the distance between them for a slow and messy kiss. Once they pull apart, Atsumu’s hands now holding Hinata’s waist to keep him close, Atsumu thinks of one last question to ask. “Will this be the last time?”
Hinata kisses him again, this time their tongues swirling together longer before Hinata steps back, dropping his hands to his side as Atsumu does the same. “I will see you on your wedding day, my prince.”
Goodbye, Atsumu thinks. “Stay safe.” He says out loud, finding the strength to reach for Hinata’s hair one last time to gently push it away from his face. “And thank you.”
“For?” Hinata asks with a smile.
“For not lovin’ me.”
Hinata bows his head, the smile never leaving his face as he leaves from the same direction he came from. Atsumu watches him the entire time, his lips tingling with the taste of Hinata that he quickly washes down with the bit of wine left in the jar.
He goes to sleep soon after; his mind throbbing with thoughts about his brother and Suna, only ever thinking about Sakusa Kiyoomi a handful of times.
Handsome, Hinata had called him and a month later Atsumu learns that to be true. Then at night, when he is ready to undress in front of his husband, Atsumu also finds himself discovering a new solution to his brother’s problem.
It comes in the form of a letter that his husband hands him over with trembling hands.
Atsumu reads in silence, letting the content of the letter shake his being while his heart accelerates and his lungs fight to get the air he feels sucked out of him.
Atsumu looks at Sakusa Kiyoomi with wide eyes and mouth agape. Then he chokes back his gratitude while his husband bares his soul open with a desperate cry for help. “Please,” he begs, “please.” Atsumu can’t find the words to say but somehow, while reaching out and holding his hands he manages to answer.
Yes.