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Father was an existence far above anything that could be considered humanity, transcended. Father wasn't just immortal and untouchable. He was a being beyond anyone's ability to comprehend, even his own son's.
This was a fact that Father himself had taught Bam since as far as Bam could remember. Softly whispered to him as a child while Bam was held in secure arms, safe and content in the endless warmth of Father's embrace. And Father never spoke anything but the truth to him. Even as a child, with Father as his whole world, his everything, he just knew. Even if he didn't fully understand all of it then, he knew that Father was someone amazing.
Since a day that Father was vague of, Father became more than an Irregular. He was capable of things Bam couldn't imagine. His power couldn't be measured. And it was with his power that he kept Bam safe from the outside, how he watched over him. Nothing could get past Father. He saw all, knew all. Like God, omniscient.
Father was perfect.
Bam had sometimes wondered about that, honestly. Was Father a God? He'd heard several times of this being called 'God', a kind being always watching, beyond normal understanding who could do anything and everything, but there's only one person in existence who's like that. There's only one person who's really watching over him, wasn't there? To Bam, Father was the only god in his life.
To Bam, Father was indeed God. Who else could be?
Even so, he once talked about this with Father. Like with every question he ever had, Bam went to the one person who always had answers.
"Are you a God, Father?" Bam had asked him, golden eyes peering up with curiosity at the tall man before him. But he was not just a man, he was so much more…
In response, Father simply smiled at him, cupped Bam's cheek, touch warm as the power he emitted, and his voice was gentle as he answered. "Perhaps I am, perhaps not yet. But what I truly am, is your King."
And it was true. Father said it, so naturally it's the truth. He was the King, Bam's King. That's another thing Bam had been taught. More importantly than being like God, Father is the one true King.
Bam had seen Father's power with his own eyes in the past. Not many times, only very few, so few he could count them. Mostly it was for training, but the real demonstrations were so that Bam could have an idea of that power. They all felt must have been so long ago, yet every one of those times fresh, like they just happened.
His understanding only grew and became even firmer as Bam got older and learned. Learned how lucky he was to have someone as great and kind as Father caring for him. He also learned more about Father's power, the nature of his existence. Father had reserved some things that Bam needed to be older for in order to understand. What Bam would be able to understand, at least. After all, how could he or anyone else hope to completely comprehend what Father was?
(Just those times where he experienced Father's unleashed shinsu nearly boiled Bam's mind, his veins, his very soul itself. There was nothing but brilliant gold. Searing in his brain. But while everything felt hot, Bam remembered not feeling tormented, but happy, the happiest he'd ever–)
Today was such a day for learning. This morning, Father had informed Bam, a more mysterious smile on his lips that was nevertheless beautiful, that it was now time to be shown some of his 'other faces'.
Bam was puzzled on the possible meaning of those vague words, but he didn't care. He just beamed and unhesitatingly took Father's outstretched hand. He would learn soon enough.
There was always a special awe Bam felt whenever he stood before the sight of Father sitting on his untouchable throne, one that never faded with time or in spite of the number of times he returned to the same place again. This time was no different. Bam's mouth was slightly open as golden eyes stared in wonder at the perfect being who was King. At the glowing eyes that saw all staring right back at him, him.
Always when he was before Father like this, Bam's chest felt tight. It was not easy to explain. He had the urge to throw himself down to the floor in a reverent bow, even though he was his son, the Prince. But did that matter? Bam was nothing. He felt – unworthy, lowly, which was true, of being before his King like this. And yet Father didn't think the same. He never did. It still didn't make his chest stop hurting, or this heat coursing through his veins that was strong yet so pleasant. For some reason, it felt more powerful than usual.
He never understood these sensations he would get, but somehow, he knew what they made him wish. He needed– needed– He wanted to worship Father so badly. Bam wanted nothing more than to sit at the feet of his god again, where he felt he could stay forever with Father's hand in his hair, his head resting on Father's lap..
Was – Was this selfish? Father wanted him to stay here where he was, but Bam wanted to give him the reverence he always deserved. But didn't Bam just wanted to do that so Father could–
"Bam," Bam heard Father address him, automatically snapping his attention back to the King where it should be. "As I told you, today I am going to teach you a little more about me."
Sensing that Father was not quite done speaking, Bam nodded wordlessly, heart pounding in anticipation.
"You are certainly mature enough to witness – and understand – this facet of myself," A soft smile graced Father's beautiful face, but it was nothing compared to what his next words would make Bam feel. "Why, look at you…. you have grown so much since I first introduced you to Hon. I know I have already said this time and time before, but I will gladly say it again. I am very happy to be a proud parent."
Joy exploded in Bam's heart, and he suddenly felt light. Father was proud of him. For all his life as far as he could remember, when it came to Father, Bam only wanted three things more than he wanted anything else: Be a good son, make him as happy as Father always made him, and make him proud. It still made him beam to know that he succeeded. He really wouldn't have been able to do it without the help of his teachers.
"So then, without further delay, let us begin." Father declared, and with that Bam straightened up in attention. "I trust you will pay good attention, my son. All that I am about to tell you is essential to what you are going to learn."
Bam didn't even need to be told. He nodded again and did not let anything distract him.
"Bam." Father leaned forward, yellow eyes with mismatched yet entrancing pupils watching his every movement. "What am I?"
"You're the King, the one true King." Bam answered automatically with the truth taught to him.
Father smiled again, but it wasn't the broad one he'd give when Bam got something right. "Yes, that is correct. I am the King, yours and this Tower's. But that is not at all I am, is it?"
Bam shook his head, not helping a small smile as he did. "No."
"It's not, no?" Father sounded almost amused as he said this. Why was unknown to Bam. "Besides being King, besides your beloved Father, what am I really? What else could you call this being before you? What is this person, if you could even call me such? That is what I want you to tell me. Think very carefully now about your answer…"
What else he could call Father? What is Father? What a bunch of curious questions. Bam wondered what could be the purpose of Father presenting them. They're important to what he was going to teach Bam, but in what way? Obviously, this must be related to what Father mentioned about showing Bam his 'other faces', which was pretty confusing enough. However, he had to wonder…
Just as he was about to delve into that idea, Bam closed his eyes and shook his head to clear it. No, that's not what he should focus on right now. Father wished him to answer his questions, so that's exactly what Bam will do. Everything will become clearer with time.
Although... So, what was Father, other than Bam's parent and the King of the Tower? Bam thought real long and hard about that as advised, mind wandering through the possibilities. He couldn't quite say why, but he's sure that the real answer wasn't simplistic. These were complex questions after all. But Bam's not sure he's capable of answering–
Then the truth hit him like a powerful smack from Lady Yurin. Of course...
"I can't."
Father blinked, enigmatic expression unchanged. "You can't?"
"I can't tell you what you really are, because there's no way for me to truly comprehend it." Bam said serenely. Yes, this must be it. Afterward, he lowered his gaze, watching his hands that were now clasped in front of him like a prayer. "Father… Honestly, you are many things to me. I love you. I… I have to confess that even when you have told me that you're perhaps not one yet, I still... think of you as a god.”
He didn't hear Father say anything, and Bam sensed no disapproval. So he continued without hesitation.
"But I feel that that's not exactly the true answer.” Bam’s clasped hands tightened right at the same time he felt his heartbeat slowly pick up its pace. He wondered if Father could hear it, his heart pounding with the love Bam had for him. “You are a god to me, but I wouldn’t be so arrogant to just assume that that’s what you are. Or that that’s all you are. Actually, now that I think about, for all I know, calling you a god may not be the most accurate thing to call you. So please forgive me if I sound presumptuous…”
Then again, wasn’t a real god incomprehensible in nature to everyone? Weren’t they supposed to be eternal, capable of both miracles and horrors?
Throughout his life, Bam had heard about people all over the people that were looked upon as gods by the masses. From his teachers and the other Family Heads to the petty Slayers the members of FUG were so disgustingly proud of. The arrogant, cruel Slayers who weren’t even immortal, who could be replaced by the FUG Elders’ wishes, and that could never hope to deal a single scratch on Father or any of the Ten Family Heads like they were ‘destined’ to.
“Like I said, I can’t know… because I can’t hope to understand an existence beyond my ability to do so.” Bam finally looked back at Father again. On his face was a huge grin, his golden eyes gleaming in utter adoration for the King before him. “You’re something beyond human, Father. You’ve transcended! The things you’re capable of are wonderful and terrible and far beyond anyone’s imagination. Even mine! You– You’re perfect, I – I just can’t…”
Giggling inadvertently spilled from his lips, flooding his being with delight, which took a bit for Bam to stop. Oh, he’s so embarrassed for letting that happen. But he just loved Father so, so, so, so much…
“You’re an existence that I can only know some pieces of, whose true power I haven’t even seen. And that’s these days are for: to teach me about what can be understood about you.”
And with that, Bam had given his answer to Father. He had answered with complete honesty. Now he’ll hope that it’s what Father wanted to hear. After a few seconds of regaining his breath, and calming the lingering euphoria, his gaze returned to his King once again.
Father’s face was one that perfectly revealed nothing, an expression no one could read. It was the face that regarded Bam as he stared. Meanwhile, Bam smiled at the King on the throne, his trembling hands still clasped tight. Once more he felt his heart pounding with growing anticipating while waiting for Father’s opinion.
Then eventually Father’s lips formed a smile.
"An excellent answer." He declared, sounding but proud and pleased.
Bam’s own smile broadened, heart slowly feeling like it’s about to burst. He did it. He thought and did exactly as Father hoped he would.
“You are right.” Father was grinning at him now, nothing but white teeth and it was magnificent to see. His tone was calm but on his face and glowing eyes there was glee. “What I have transcended to cannot be completely understood, not even by you, my only son. You can only know and grasp very small parts of the truth. But be happy, feel honored, for what you will know will be more than anyone else has.”
Only… it wasn’t the first time, He did feel honored.
“And that at last brings me to the facet of myself that I spoke of,” Father said m. However, the excitement remained in his eyes. “It is time that I show you... another form I have.”
“Another… form…?” Bam slowly repeated, head tilting to the side as golden eyes blinked.
“Yes, ‘another face’ I have,” Father echoed the words he used earlier in Bam’s room. “Ah… but perhaps it would be best if I simply demonstrate instead of using words.”
And the next thing Bam knew, Father wasn’t sitting atop his throne, but in front of him. Startled, a gasp left his mouth, but Bam didn’t move an inch from where he stood. Those glowing, all-seeing eyes wouldn’t let him. They caught him in a trance, pulling his complete attention to it
“Prepare yourself, my son, for what you will see.”
So that was what Bam did. Straightening up once more, ridding his mind of anything that could distract and swallowing, Bam mentally prepared himself. He didn’t know what exactly it was he needed to be prepare for, but he was a good boy and he did as told. If it was anything like past lessons, it’s that it will be overwhelming.
Father gifted him one last smile, and there it happened.
What followed was… something… something that Bam could never have been able to fathom.
But he knew (did he?) that he saw red horn – tentacles? – tentacles began to sprout from Father. From his chest, his head, the back of his neck, his face, and many other they came out and kept growing longer. They jiggled and moved. Oh, but that wasn’t everything. That was a fraction. The glow of those eyes changed, the pupils dissolving, leaving a flaming abyss. Father’s face – His face-! Its teeth were in Bam’s heart and he. could. not.
Bam knew well that there are things that were just beyond any words, or understanding. He knew several. Lord Hon’s special swordsmanship couldn’t be read, let alone be described. Lord Gustang knew of things that couldn’t simply be put into words. Most of all, the deep love shared between Bam and his Father was something so precious, so treasured that words couldn’t be used to explain it.
This… what he witnessed was so infinitely more than any of those things or anything else. Those were small. Bam knew he was lowly before but now he was nothing. How could he be anything when someone like this was before him? Seeing this being Father turned into did more than nearly boil his very soul. It – It – It – It…
Yet Father…. Yet those eyes of blood Father now possessed were gazing at Bam like he was worthy.
All during this Bam was standing utterly still, barely so much as breathing in or out. His mouth was parted open, eyes having blown wide and glued to the mass of crimson.
The black mouth filled with fierce teeth smiled at him.
“Now, my treasure. What do you see…”
The voice of the God-King reverberated throughout Bam’s mind, halting its feeble squirming. Something wet and rough to the touch brushed Bam’s cheek, almost succeeding in breaking his trance. It was a tentacle.
“A human… or a monster?”
What did he see…? What. Did. He. See…? What he could he see between the golden light engulfing his existence and the blood red choking his racing heart? No… Bam could see. And he saw…
He saw–
He saw–
He saw–
He saw.
“Beautiful…” The whisper left on its own but Bam so gone that could barely hear it, couldn’t register it. All he knew was this wonder before his eyes. “You’re… so beautiful, Father…”
Father’s eyes stared at Bam, burning right through his very soul, and the King murmured. “Beautiful…?”
Bam was in a daze. He was floating, drifting somewhere, but he managed to nod for his Father. Slowly but very surely, an open-mouthed smile crept onto Bam’s face. He smiled as the searing in his brain stopped. All clicked and began to settle. Everything was wonderful.
“Yes… you’re beautiful…” Bam whispered again. He would say it forever if Father asked it from him. Anything and everything for Father. “You’re… so much more than a human or monster… You’re so… so beautiful. More beautiful than anything…”
More than anything else – even more than magnificent – Father’s other form was beautiful, no less how Father himself always was beautiful and perfect. There was nothing that Bam was seeing and was looking back at him that wasn’t beautiful. Bam was seeing the abyss he wasn’t mean to see. A sight someone with a mind like his couldn’t comprehend– and it was beautiful.
“Is that so…” Father gave a thoughtful hum, which sounded otherworldly in that form. Blood red eyes pierced Bam again, searching. “Do you love me, as your King loves you?”
“Yes.” Bam said immediately. “I love you. I love you, Father…”
And then, as though this was the very first time, it struck him. He loved Father. Father… loved him.
“Haha… I love you, Father.” Once more, joyful little giggles spilled from Bam’s lips. He only vaguely realized he had crumbled to his knees, that hardly the breathless words that left. “I love you… I love you… You’re amazing… I love you so much…”
For a long time (or perhaps not), there was no sound of but occasional laugh that slipped from Bam. His bright smile plastered on his face as he admired the entity. His hands were no longer clasped, now thoughtlessly twiddling together. Bam didn’t at all mind the silence. As he said before, all that existed in his mind was Father alone.
Was there even anything else before?
“My precious son…” Father spoke softly, a melody to Bam’s ears, sharp teeth blinding. “You never disappoint, do you?”
Bam didn’t understand but the words caused joy to fill him whole again, more than ever before. He made Father happy. He’s precious to him.
Then there came another smile from Father, and how could Bam not smile back?
A tentacle brushed against Bam’s cheek again and he smiled, nuzzling against it. Its surface was not like the hand Father would offer, but what did that matter? The tip of it began tickling and Bam giggled. Understanding at once, he carefully took the appendage in his hands and kissed it reverently. Giggling again and smiling more broadly than ever before, Bam placed more kisses on it. Something smeared across his lips, a liquid that tasted weird, but Bam didn’t care.
As if Bam wasn’t being spoiled enough, he soon felt Father’s hand settle on his hair, fingers carding through the strands. A new, fresh wave of contentment washed over Bam. This combined with the crimson consuming him,
He laughed to his heart’s content, the heart that beat for Father, for his King.
Bam was so, so blessed, to have someone like Father.
Jahad regarded the broken little Prince on his knees before him.
The boy’s golden eyes were unseeing and continuous giggles spilling from his lips. Between all those giggles and the kisses, Bam softly chanted ‘Father’ in equal delight and worship. Bam’s eyes were wide, gold indeed unseeing but overflowing with boundless adoration. A trail of drool dripped from his open mouth, which was formed in one of the biggest smiles Jahad had ever seen on the boy.
Oh, how the King had shattered him.
He knew, no, had seen with his foresight from the beginning that this would be the most likely outcome. Well, Jahad wouldn’t have needed foresight to have expected this. That gazing upon the monster within him would cause Bam’s sanity to largely crumble.
No one had survived exposure to it. To him. Bold, albeit foolish, High Rankers have been reduced to screaming, mad shells of their old selves from the sight of the King’s other form. A mere glimpse could cast one’s complete sanity. Even those that were loyal to Jahad were not immune.
It was only natural that Bam, in spite of constantly being around Jahad his entire life and having felt the King’s power, would not be able to remain mentally unscathed. He was a gentle, innocent soul. Such a terrible sight was not meant for him to bear.
Guilt arose within the King’s heart, along with the tugging of regret, but Jahad pushed. Yes, it was indeed to cruel to have done this to son.
Showing Bam this facet of himself was meant to be a test. It was with several special purposes. See how mentally resilient his growing son was, as well as how terrible the deep the resulting damage could be. There was also teaching Bam of this part of Jahad, as he told the boy. Above all that, it was to see what Bam’s exact reaction would be. Just how would Jahad’s possession react to seeing his kind Father in the form of such an abomination?
The result had been mostly what he had foreseen. Bam shocked That said, though, Jahad had not… been expecting a few things. He had willingly kept himself blind to certain details, but even so…
Jahad had not been expected to be called beautiful. He had not truly been expecting those golden eyes, broken yet looking upon the monster in Jahad with unadulterated adoration. The light of it was more intense that he had ever witnessed in his years raising Bam.
Beautiful… Not even Jahad would refer to that form as beautiful. It was horrible, a mistake of God and the King knew it since that day. Yet… Yet his son, Arlene’s son didn’t see him in that way. In his eyes, the abomination was still his dear Father. No, it was deeper than that. To Bam, the abomination was not an abomination at all...
(Not unlike that night...)
Even in insanity, Bam’s love for him was undying.
The King grinned without restraint, hissing in glee behind rows of razor sharp teeth. He had raised his son well.
Look at him, his possession’s mind practically in shambles. The poor thing to a giggling, drooling boy with eyes for nothing except Jahad. Not knowing anything else but to worship the being in front of him. Those enchanting golden eyes were glimmering with total, complete love.
Exactly how Jahad had always dreamed of him becoming.
Ah. As delightful this was, he couldn’t allow his poor child to remain this way. He didn’t wish this insanity for him. Bam was acting and adoring him in an ideal manner, but… this was not truly what Jahad desired. If Bam was to love him in a similar way, it would be with a (mostly) sane mind. It would be when Bam realized the folly of thinking of anyone, or anything, save for his King.
So, Jahad should best use the power of the blood that coursed in Bam’s veins, combined with a few certain techniques, to restore his treasure to his original, endearingly innocent state.
But… not yet.
Content, Jahad watched with glee as Bam fervently kissed the red horns, the boy throwing his head back to laugh, golden eyes shining like the sun of the Outside. Near blindly, yet so lovely.
He will enjoy this state Bam had been reduced for a while; get a taste of what he so desired. Then, at the end of the day, Jahad will repair the damage; leave not even a scar behind.
So Jahad ran his fingers through that soft hair, showering Bam in return for the worship he was giving him. For nth time, giggling escaped Bam’s lips as the boy rubbing his cheek against the red tentacles. But then the boy gazed at Jahad again, maddened gold gleaming.
“I love you…”
And how could Jahad not smile and reply?
“I love you most.” He cooed down, a thumb rubbing his son’s cheek.
Bam’s euphoric laughter filled the throne room for hours.