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All Ed sees is Nina and Alexander in front of him, fused together by some sick and twisted person. He wants to run to Shou, only his feet are rooted to the ground. Another glance at the chimera in front of him, only it's Al's eyes looks back at him. Gold and lifeless, something flickers as its Roy's eyes, dark and dull. Unseeing. Scar's tattooed arm grips Mustang's lifeless face and...
Edward jumps out of bed, heart racing and breath coming out in pants.
He can't breathe.
"Edward?" Ed looks up, wild eyes as he tries to focus on the little girl in front of him. Logically, he knows that it's not Nina standing there, she's been cremated and laid to rest but silhouetted by the hall light, that's all he sees for a brief moment.
"Nina?" He whispers out, unable to stop himself though all he could see was Hughes' daughter in front of him now.
"Elicia, what are you doing?" Gracia's voice entered the room. "Why are you bothering Ed?"
"Mama, Edward is crying!"
"Are you alright?" The door opened wider now, and the small child was replaced by her mother. Edward stared at Gracia for a moment, trying to bring his breathing back down to normal. It had been years since Nina's death, what had brought it back up now?
"I'm fine," Edward said as he rolled back into bed and away from the door, "sorry if I woke ya."
"Are you sure?" Edward didn't like the concern in her voice. He was meant to protect her, not the other way around.
"Just fine, don't know what woke me."
"Alright, well, good night." The door shut and Edward was once alone draped in the darkness.
-~-
He didn't sleep the rest of the night, too afraid to face his nightmares and the more he stared at Colonel Bastard's couch, the nicer it looked.
"Edward!" He jumped and spun around to face Hughes, "Gracia tells me that you were having sleeping problems, what's wrong?"
"Sleeping problems?" Mustang asked and, godammit, couldn't Ed just get a damn break?
"I'm fine, nothing's wrong. I swear.”
“Riiight, because that’s totally why my darling Elicia says that she found you crying as you sat on the bed.” Edward looked away from Hughes, unable to hide his pain from the night. “You’re totally fine, that when you called her ‘Nina’, it totally meant nothing.”
Well fuck.
Edward could see Mustang out of the corner of his eye as his commanding officer raised a brow.
Great. State-mandated “help”, here he comes.
“Why’s Nina coming back into play now?” Mustang asked quietly, gently. Edward had to do a double take before focusing back on the floor.
“I think it was the kid that died yesterday…” He mumbled into the ground.
“You do realize that that wasn’t your fault right? Please tell me that you know that that wasn’t your fault.” Mustang seemed to beg.
“Fundamentally? I know it wasn’t my fault, just as I know that Nina’s death also wasn’t mine. But…” Edward backed up until his back hit the wall, sliding down it until he landed with a thud. His arms came up around his head as Edward tried to curl around himself. He was in the same town that the kid had died in, abusive father and Edward had failed to stop him but how was he supposed to know?
“Alright,” Edward could hear Mustang’s voice. “Hughes, can I have the room?” Edward could hear bootsteps leave.
There was a sigh and then someone was lifting Edward only to be dropped onto the couch, the same one he had been staring at early. He could feel the coarse fabric under his fingers as he tried to use that texture to escape his mind.
“Edward?” That seemed to do the trick. Mustang rarely used his first name. Edward stared at the dark haired man. “Are you listening to me?” The younger boy nodded. “Right, I’ll probably need to knock this into your thick skull, but Nina’s death wasn’t your fault at all and neither was this kid. You had nothing to do with them. So, this is what you’re going to do. Take a deep nap here on the couch and then take a trip to see Al and Winry in Resembol. That isn’t up for debate. Understood, Fullmetal?”
There’s that name again.
A mission, Ed can do missions.
“Yes, sir.” A nap sounds pretty good right now, and he hasn’t seen Al in a little bit. He wonders briefly if Al’s body hasn’t gotten stronger since he last saw him.
Edwards takes one more look at Roy’s face, the usual smugness is gone and all he sees is concern before darkness takes over him. His body feels heavier than it normally does before unconsciousness takes him over.