Chapter Text

「𝑨𝒔 𝑰 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔, 𝑰 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆.」

Ah, it's cold. Tanjiro thought to himself as he breathed into his hands. His sky-blue muffler swayed as he climbed the frosty mountain. A thick blanket of snowy fluff covered the hill's peak when he reached it, and his footsteps submerged on the soft snowfield. Standing atop the mountain, he reached a small, ruined wooden house. He raised his head to look at it, "...everyone..." he whispered in melancholy.

Tanjiro could still vividly remember the scent of blood, rotten corpses, and utter fear. He could still clearly recall the day when he left to sell charcoal and descended the mountain to head to the village. Whenever he closed his eyes, he could still see the image of Shigeru, Takeo, Hanako, and their mother, Kie, seeing him off.

He remembered gasping in, his eyes opening wide in shock as he breathed heavily and saw red; he recalled how Nezuko hugged their youngest brother, Rokuta, very tightly, as if to protect him, her bright pink kimono stained in blood. He could still see how his mother and younger sister leaned on each other, looking ever so peaceful. Takeo was lying on Shigeru's corpse, his lifeless eyes peering at his.

He remembered carrying the Nezuko, who was as pale as the snow, as he rushed to get to the village, knowing that she was still warm and that there was a chance that she could survive. He was suffocating in his breath, in his desperation —in his hopes that his sister could stay alive

Then his little sister turned feral, and they stumbled, resulting in them falling from the cliff. Tanjiro remembered lying down, looking at his sister, who seemed as if she was not herself, and he tried to stop her, to get her to remember.

Deep in his heart, he hoped that someone would explain the situation to him because, at that time, he still didn't understand anything that was happening. That day, aside from being the first instance that Tanjiro had felt true, unadulterated fear creeping up his veins, had also been the catalyst that began to turn the wheels of fate. However, Tanjiro still did not know how cruel fate could be at that time.

After he tried defending himself countless times and attempted to convey his feelings to his little sister, it seemed to have reached her. Afterward, she fainted on top of him, mumbling a small nii-chan from her quivering lips. Then, Tanjiro just closed his eyes for an instant —it was just for a moment, but suddenly, there was a man with merciless, bloody eyes that looked down on them in contempt and amusement.

The man asked him, "do you want to save your sister?"

Tanjiro's lips just parted in surprise as his eyes widened in shock. Tanjiro stared at the man that seemed so fragile and ephemeral but, at the same time, so terrifying and... untouchable. He spoke breathlessly, "...yes!" 

He did not really give much thought to it back then. He never thought that his decision would lead to even more death, tragedy, and suffering. At some point, he asked himself if it was worth it, leaving all behind to come with that man, so he could save Nezuko. 

It is. He told himself, nothing was worth more than Nezuko's life.

Because he had no one else left, and the only place he could go home to was by Muzan's and the other moons' side, to where Nezuko was. Perhaps calling it home was too presumptuous of him, knowing that it was not exactly a place where Tanjiro could be himself. He could not betray the man because he owed him a lot. Muzan was the one who gave Nezuko's consciousness back to her, and Nezuko trusted the man. It was already difficult enough to consider the possibility of leaving because Muzan could even be regarded as omnipotent. Considering the idea of abandoning the duties given to him warrants punishment, and if it was only him that would be punished, Tanjiro would take the risk — but it was not him at risk. It was not as if he could do anything else since the man could hear every single one of his thoughts (even if, at times, he resisted the control Muzan had over him), even if that person's wishes went against his morals, he needed to do what he wanted.

Despite everything, Tanjiro never regretted his decision because if that man had not appeared before him that day, he would not be able to save his little sister, who meant the world to him.

Tanjiro walked toward where he buried his family, and he could still smell their scent. The nightmares of that day would never, ever leave him, but that was fine. Because if he did not leave that day, he might have just been able to do something, anything, but he did leave that day, and it cost the lives of the only people he ever had in his life. No matter how much he may wish for it, for a chance that time would reverse, and he would be allowed to protect his blood family as he was supposed to, he was aware that such a wish would never come true.

The auburn-haired male kneeled down and clapped his hands together as if praying. It was ironic because he was a demon, Kibutsuji's strongest upper moon, but he was praying to a god that he knew, since a long time ago, did not exist. "...it's been a long time, kaa-san, Rokuto, Shigeru, Takeo, Hanako," he forlornly said, his eyes narrowing in grief, "...I still think, until now, what if I was able to protect you ? Would anything be different? Would me... and Nezuko go through a different and much better path?"

Don't even think about it, Tanjiro. He could almost hear Kibutsuji say. Tanjiro closed his eyes tightly, fighting the incoming headache. 

"...I miss you..." He bit his lips in pure frustration and sadness because he knew that no matter how much he wished for it, he would never be able to meet his family again— unless it was in his dreams or his memories. "I swear I will protect Nezuko; I will never break that promise."

And that promise will shackle you to me, my upper moon zero. Muzan's voice rang in his head. Tanjiro flinched — reeling at the clear voice that spoke to him. At this point, Tanjiro wanted to shut his voice out — so he would not have to hear him, but he had not been able to get to that point yet, all he could do was block out that man's access to some of his thoughts. 

Tanjiro then just stood still, not changing his stance. He basked in the absolute silence, except for the sounds of the trees popping loudly and the soft howls of the wind breezing against him. It gave him an illusion of tranquility — something that he rarely allowed himself to feel. He stayed like that for a while before a voice interrupted his prayer —

"... what are you?" A long-haired man with beautiful sapphire eyes asked him bluntly. Tanjiro remained still, his eyes narrowed. The tip of the man's blade was on his neck — threatening to cut him anytime, in the perchance he did something in retaliation.

He hesitated? Tanjiro asked himself, confused as to the man's action. He did not move to avoid him because he could smell the reluctance from the demon slayer. He did not smell, nor did he sense bloodlust. Typically, demon slayers would just slay any demon they see — may it be because of their hatred, their wrath, or simply because it was their job.

As such, Tanjiro had never met someone who hesitated to kill in the face of a demon. The man's eyes shrunk, looking at him with blank eyes but furrowed eyebrows that was glazed with suspicion.

"...a pillar?" When Tanjiro made a slight movement, the blue-eyed man fell back, wary of an attack. But contrary to what the man expected, Tanjiro did not make another apparent motion. The man did not seem to have any intention of answering him as he continued to stare at him, cautious of what he might do. Tanjiro put up his guard but did not show it to the person in his sight. "...why did you hesitate?" He firmly asked, his crimson eyes locking with the man's blue ones.

"what do you mean?" the male with unruly black hair asked as if he did not know what Tanjiro was talking about. "I do not hesitate."

He does not realize that he hesitated? Tanjiro realized, and then he gave him a small smile. "I assume you came here because you sensed the presence of a demon?" He asked, the man glared at him. "...but you hesitated, sir," he politely stated, "you should not show your reluctance to a demon, of all people, or you might get killed."

"Dare to try anything, demon." The male's frown deepened, "...I will not hesitate to kill you."

Tanjiro just let out a light chuckle as he raised his hands, "I will not do anything, sir," he politely said, "So I would recommend leaving now, before that person orders me to kill you."

He blinked when the man just stared at his orbs — before realizing that the demon slayer was trying to comprehend what was written in his eyes. "Upper Moon Zero, huh?" The man bluntly stated.

...to think I would encounter their strongest this early. While Giyuu always considered the possibility of encountering one of the demons within the upper ranks, he did not expect to meet their strongest when he decided to trek upon the mountain's path, toward where he sensed something ominous. Of all the possible demons to meet along his way, he had ended up opposing Upper Moon Zero — who, clearly, may be the most powerful of Muzan's moons. The fact that this demon was in front of him right now meant that there were more of the Twelve Kizuki than they had initially expected. 

It was a rational conclusion that he was entirely unprepared to fight against this demon, so he opted to sheath his blade, but it was doubtful that the demon would truly let him leave. Then again, the man — the boy? — in front of him already seemed to be a singularity among the demons, seeing how strange he acted in front of his enemy. 

His assumption of the demon's eccentricity only intensified when the crimson-eyed male softly closed his eyes and inquired, "but, before we part ways, can I, perhaps, know your name?"

"I have no name to give to a demon!" Giyuu exclaimed, his grip tightening on his demon-slaying blade.

"...hm, is that so? That's... disappointing," The demon simply said as he swiftly moved towards the demon slayer's back, his sharp fingernails coming dangerously close to the Giyuu's neck, his fangs beginning to show themselves. "Then I guess you would have to leave now, sir demon slayer."

Giyuu jumped back, surprised at the sheer cold that the other's claws emitted, noting that it was much like a blade. Tanjiro gave him that strange, warm, and gentle smile again, and then Giyuu gritted his teeth — astounded by how different the one in front of him was. "Are you really a demon?!"

There was a peculiar sense of kindness radiating from the demon 's figure. He couldn't help but ask himself if the demon before him was actually a demon because Giyuu would never admit this outward. Still, the boy didn't seem like one. If anything, he seemed to have a more tender gaze than most of the humans he had met, which was particularly unusual.

But Giyuu knew that he couldn't decide to retreat as simply as that; if he did, it may come back to him and haunt him — the fact that he let a demon escape. This demon may even become a significant threat to them in the future — so it would not be proper if Giyuu allowed him to escape. Not to mention it was more likely that Giyuu was the one who needed to possibility to escape more than the demon, whose presence alone almost overwhelmed Giyuu.

The mellow, calm gaze of the teen in front of him left him bewildered — and for once, he did not know what to do since it also reminded him of Sabito's unquestioning, affectionate gaze that he was lucky to have the chance of seeing before his friend perished protecting him during the final selection exam.

Upon this encounter, two possibilities came to his mind — that this child may either become their most dependable ally or their most formidable enemy. 

Tanjiro honestly felt like it was such a shame how he couldn't become comrades with someone like the demon slayer in front of him—in another life, maybe he would have had become one—a demon slayer.

Don't even think about it, Tanjiro. Muzan's voice whispered to him again, aware of almost every thought he had, ...return.

In that world, maybe he could have formed a brotherly bond with this person who, from one meeting alone, he could tell that he cared deeply for his comrades, though he most likely preferred not to show it. Just like how the demon-slayer was able to tell that he had morals, and qualities of a human, at only one look. 

Just once, Tanjiro wanted to experience fighting by his side. Return, Tanjiro! Muzan's voice rang in his head again, and then Tanjiro just gave the male who stared straight at him a small, sad smile; at this point, maybe he already knew that a day where they will be forced to fight together will come— regardless of Tanjiro's position as Muzan's Upper Moon Zero.

"I hope we meet again, sir demon slayer." He softly stated before completely disappearing as if he was never there in the first place, leaving Giyuu alone.

There was a voice inside him, compelling him to believe that the boy did not truly want to be on that side, but there was too much at stake for Giyuu to believe his intuition, and he barely had any proof aside from a feeling. 

Nevertheless, the child with auburn hair's crimson gaze never left his mind thereafter.

Chapter Text

「𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏, 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒈𝒐 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌; 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒅𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔.」

"You disobeyed me, again."   That person  spoke in his emotionless and cold voice. "You're beyond shameless,  Tanjiro.  You  know  what will happen to Rui and Nezuko," Tanjiro flinched. "if you continue with this impudent  behavior ."

He was painfully aware of  what could happen.  He was bitterly acquainted with the master of demon's  ways,  of what he does to those who disobey and those who were not  valuable  to him. But that was not the correct term, was it? If he were truly of value to Muzan, if he could feel that the terrifying man  valued  him, then the latter would not threaten him like this, and if that were the case, Tanjiro would not even imagine  leaving.  Rather than valuable, it may be more appropriate to say that Muzan only  minds  those who are  useful  to him. Tanjiro doubted that anything other than the Blue Spider Lilies would grant him immunity against the sun and, consequently,  true immortality. 

Tanjiro was already kneeling on one knee before Muzan could tell him to do so. He closed his eyes in resignation, knowing what would happen next. "...I apologize, Muzan-sama." 

Muzan's eyes visibly narrowed. "Apologize? How many times have you  apologized  now?" He spat out, the fury evident in his voice. Even though its tone remained unchanging,  Tanjiro could just know,  as if he had a sixth sense of Muzan's emotions. "You are not afraid of me."

Tanjiro looked up to meet his gaze. "I am."

"...what you are afraid of," Muzan began, "is losing  your  family;  Rui , and  Nezuko ."

You know how much I am horribly afraid of you, Muzan-sama . Tanjiro spoke in his mind, making sure to  let  the demons' progenitor hear his thoughts.  And you know very well that I cannot betray you.

Muzan looked down on him in suspicion, but Tanjiro knew that the man would not pry because he could not afford to lose his strongest upper moon with only his skepticism, and Muzan understood that he had the upper hand; as long as he could threaten Tanjiro with Rui and Nezuko, he most likely thought that Tanjiro would not be able to do anything. Muzan's hold on Tanjiro's  weaknesses  was so tight that Tanjiro knew he had no option but to obey.

"You met with one of the pillars." The pale-skinned man stated bluntly. "But did you  kill  them as I told you to do so? You  did  not. You  still  waver, even after so long. Did you not swear your loyalty to me,  child ?"

"...I  did   not waver, Muzan-sama," Tanjiro refuted, "you called me back, so I could not do anything else. It was not an act of defiance, nor was it an act of disloyalty - I have sworn an oath to serve under you, and I have no intentions to break that." Not yet, at least. 

"Did you just oppose what I said?" Muzan's face contorted in wrath. "How impudent."

"...no," Tanjiro smiled, " you , Muzan-sama, of all people, know that I would  never  oppose you."

"...you just told me I was wrong. I  am  never wrong. My words are always correct." The creator of demons insisted, peering over Tanjiro. "This is the last time I'm going to hear your  apologies , Tanjiro. Next time, I will  not  hesitate to kill the two people that  you care about . Do not forget that."

Tanjiro looked down, "Yes, Muzan-sama, I understand."

Tanjiro would  always  choose Rui and Nezuko but refused to choose  between  them. Choosing to take only one with him to escape meant leaving the other one and leaving that one vulnerable to Muzan's ruthless punishments.  If only Tanjiro had enough power and courage, he would be able to take both of them with him - shielding them from this man who did not care about them.  Tanjiro knew that he  was still weak , that he was still  lacking in resolve . He did not even have the confidence to devise a plan against the man that towered over him.

He knew that he was  terrified  of Muzan. He feared letting those plum-red eyes gaze at him as if peering unto his soul. Those eyes looking at him always made him feel so  naked and bare,  and it felt like Muzan  knew everything  about him. The terror grows even more when the anger becomes visible on the immortal's features. But Tanjiro never showed his fear; he  should not show that he was terrified  because if Muzan knew, he would use it to his advantage.

No — maybe Muzan already knew. Maybe he already knew, which was why he ended this conversation so quickly. 

Not to mention he  owed  Kibutsuji Muzan his sister's life, and  he needed to repay the favor.

At that time, it never crossed Tanjiro's mind that  maybe , just  maybe,  what he had done was sufficient, that possibly, he had already returned the favor because Nezuko's life was worth more than a million jewels, and  she  and Rui were the only reasons as of why he was still alive right now. Even if he suffered a billion times, he thought that that would not even compare to what he would feel if Nezuko died. If Nezuko  went away,  then what would be left of him? Will he be nothing but an empty husk, rotting away as he lets himself be used as a tool? 

"I suppose you can comprehend my words properly, no?" The red-eyed male inquired.

Tanjiro felt he was being judged. It seemed as if the other man was assessing if he was worthy of the chance the progenitor gave him. "Yes."

"The next time you encounter a pillar," Muzan said, spatting the word  pillar  like venom. "kill them! Vow yourself to me, because  you  are my  upper moon zero . Do  not  ever forget that."

"Yes." Tanjiro bit his lips, not letting the man see him, but he  knew  that the man could  sense  his frustration, no matter how much he tried to hide it from him. "If that is what you wish."

Muzan smirked, seemingly satisfied that Tanjiro was revering him, "once you do that, prostrate yourself before me! Like  you always do , because that's  how  everything should be."

Tanjiro simply nodded, trying to ignore how it felt like more than one person was looking at him and how it felt as if each member of his family was glaring at him with  hatred , screaming their  fury  because he did not fight for them, because he did not fulfill his promise with his father. After all, he was not able to live while staying true to his morals and beliefs, even though he knew his family would always look at him with their kind and bright smiles.

Even though they would always understand him, Tanjiro felt his actions were unforgivable. He even thought that once Rui and Nezuko were free from  that man 's grasp, he should destroy himself because that was the only way he could find retribution.

"Now,  my child ," Muzan said, and there was a carefully concealed, smug tone in his voice. "...come here," he gestured. 

Tanjiro walked towards the man obediently, painfully aware of what would come next.  Will I be able to handle it this time too?  He asked himself because,  lately , the pain was unbearable. Even if a strange and overwhelming surge of strength came after the pain, the  power  he felt did not feel like it was born through his endeavors. He felt like it was only born out of unpardonable means and could only look at the power he gained  with disgust.  The  temptation  of a long life, the  desire  for more power, the  hatred , the  sadness , and these reprehensible  feelings  bred more negativity. This power only fostered hatred, anger, pain, and  suffering , and his culpability began destroying and consuming   him.

Tanjiro did not want to stop being himself.  He did not want to forget his memories like the others who had been turned into a demon because he felt that if he took even more of Muzan's irresistible blood,  he would forget about those he cared about . If he continued consuming  this man's blood and lost  himself in the incomprehensible pleasure he perceives as he does, overlooking the possible side effects, he  knew that he would forget someday.  He would forget his goals and why he was still alive. He felt like  he would forget himself , and he was afraid of that; because, if that happened, he may become a  heartless  demon, only killing for the sake of Muzan and not even being capable of feeling guilt and sympathy, not to mention  what if he would forget about his sister and Rui.

Muzan stood there as blood poured out from the gash he had made along the lines of his wrist, then Tanjiro just saw  red  and nothing else. "That's right," he spoke condescendingly, "Let yourself be swallowed up by the  desire , Tanjiro."

His voice snapped Tanjiro back to his senses, and then Muzan healed himself. Even though he really did not want to say the words, and he was repulsed by the fact that he  enjoyed  the  feast , he still spoke such a horrid statement, "thank you for giving me more of your blood, Muzan-sama. I will make sure to fulfill your wishes." As Tanjiro was speaking those thoughts, he attempted to block Muzan's attempts to read his thoughts, and then he just kept repeating to himself as if they were a charm,  for Nezuko, for Nezuko. Anything... for Nezuko and Rui.

"Nakime." Muzan simply said as the female played her  biwa , and the infinity castle began to shift. He then directed his gaze to his upper moon zero, "Do not betray me,  Tanjiro . If I catch you thinking  that , I will eliminate the three of you."

Tanjiro nodded, "As you wish, Muzan-sama."

Muzan then directed a gentle ( fake, fake, fake-)  smile when a girl with red locks rushed towards Tanjiro. Muzan looked at her with a false fondness, "Your big brother is back, Nezuko."

Nezuko smiled brightly, bowing towards Muzan for a moment before looking at the auburn-haired male. " Onii-chan,  welcome back!" She hugged Tanjiro, and then the said male embraced her back.

"I'm back, Nezuko." He gently smiled. Nezuko giggled lightly, simply happy that her  onii-chan  was back.

Deep inside, Tanjiro sobbed because he was painfully cognizant that this Nezuko was only aware that he was her older brother and nothing else; because Muzan made it that way, he placed that suggestion inside her mind. Tanjiro wanted to cry because Nezuko did not remember  their  family at all, and Nezuko believed Muzan was their savior. Tanjiro  could  tell her, and there was a chance that she would regain herself back. Tanji ro knew  that Nezuko  was strong  and she would be able to handle the truth. Perhaps, the strength of their bond would be able to destroy the hold that Muzan has over his little sister, but  Tanjiro was also scared that Nezuko may not believe him.  What if, instead of regaining back Nezuko's cognizance, he ended up  destroying her even more?  What if she ended up looking at  him  with disgust and viewed him as an enemy?

Tanjiro hoped he would never think Muzan was their  savior , even in the far-off future.

He would do  anything  for Nezuko; that  was all he wanted . As long as Nezuko was safe by his side, then that would be enough. Even if he will never be able to find happiness and will always seek forgiveness for all the things he had done, even if all that he would feel for the rest of his life would be  regret  and  guilt , that would be fine, as long as he was with Nezuko.

Because she, and Rui, were the only ones he had left, and he could not afford to lose them, too, to this demon  who had killed their family. He was always vaguely aware that Muzan was the one who ruined their daily lives because of the stench he gave off and the fact that Nezuko was turned into a demon, and Muzan was the only one he knew that was capable of such a feat. He wanted to avenge his family, but he could not abandon Rui, the lonely child that he had started to consider his little brother. 

Maybe that was just an excuse, but he was aware that nothing could  excuse  every single thing that he had done. He had killed, eaten, and done so many things for this man; he  did not even have to be forced to . In the beginning, the very fact revolted him; but he just kept thinking that this was  for Nezuko , so she could be saved; and then he just felt like a terrible brother because he was using the fact that he was doing it so his sister would not be killed to  defend  himself, to  justify  the actions he had done that any reason could never justify.

But he had already decided, long ago, that no matter how painful it was, that no matter how many things he would lose, how many beliefs of his would be betrayed,   that no matter how painful it got, no matter how difficult everything was, no matter how much he suffers, he would do  absolutely anything  for his dearest little sister and brother, because they were the most important people to him. 

He knew that Muzan also realized that Tanjiro had a hidden desire within him to destroy him once and for all, but that was exactly why he manipulated Nezuko and twisted her beliefs. Even if Tanjiro was able to explain it to her and Rui, and if somehow, they were able to understand him, Muzan could still kill Nezuko and Rui with a flick of his fingers.

For once, even though Tanjiro really did want to protect them, he knew he couldn't. Even if he wanted to live for his family that had long since perished, he couldn't, because, in fact, what he was doing right now couldn't be called living. He was only existing in this world that repeated the endless cycle of tragedy in order to protect his family that was still there, and he couldn't even dare to choose who was no longer alive.

Tanjiro wanted so much to let out the tears that he was trying so hard to keep inside, and his orbs that shone in sadness didn't miss Muzan's eyes.

Chapter Text

「𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏, 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒈𝒐 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌; 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒅𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔.」

As a blanket of pure darkness covered the night sky, only the lights from the bustling city of Asakusa remained. Even after the countless times he had visited the cosmopolis, Tanjiro was still not accustomed to that area that too many people swarmed for his liking. He never really liked overpopulated places because of the diverse, overlapping scents that never fail to make him feel  exceptionally uncomfortable .

He walked around, trying to silence the world with only his willpower. It had always been aggravating to hear too much noise coming from anywhere. Different from when he lived in the mountains, where there were few inhabitants, this place was too noisy, and the smell was always horrible. 

It may be contradictory, but he comes to Asakusa to shut off his thoughts, to limit what Muzan  can know  about him so that whatever he had always been thinking about would be obscured by his annoyance and irritation with the atmosphere of the city. Silence only makes Tanjiro  think  even more about his goals and motives, and if those kinds of thoughts come to his mind, then Muzan would know  even more . 

While wandering aimlessly, he found himself standing in front of an udon  stall, and maybe  it wouldn't hurt to give... normal food a try again,  he thought to himself as he proceeded to sit on the bench by the small stall.

Tanjiro looked at the man on the other side of the stand, "I will have a bowl of udon." The crimson-haired's males lips gingerly curved upward.

The store owner scrutinized him suspiciously, "what's with the letters on your eyes?" He asked; Tanjiro's smile twitched as he averted his gaze in an attempt for the man not to look at his eyes anymore. Fortunately, the man did not pry. He gave him a bowl of  udon , "Here's your udon! Make sure to enjoy it!"

"Thank you," Tanjiro stated as he took the bowl of udon with his two hands, carefully cupping it so it would not fall. He got a whiff of the delicious smell of the udon soup, and then he took the chopsticks. Tanjiro then gulped, silently hoping that this time, it would taste like something. He pulled the noodles to the grasp of his chopsticks before slowly taking them to his mouth and slurping them  — but as usual, there was no taste.  Tanjiro bit his lips, mourning the complete loss of his sense of taste. Maybe  this was because I've only tasted the noodles,  Tanjiro tried to reassure himself  —  but deep inside,  he knew  that his hopes would only be futile. "Ah," he mumbled after he took his first sip of the soup,  it's tasteless .

Tanjiro placed down the bowl of soup and stared at it for a while because the fact that he couldn't taste  anything  except the flesh and blood of humans  always  made him want to puke. The form of the flavorless food started to remind him of that moment when he was forced to gobble down the first human he had ever eaten — it was bland and insipid, but the problem was the fact  that it was appetizing . "What's the matter?" The store owner asked the teen.

The auburn-haired male turned to look at him and then gave him a smile that was obviously forced. "Thank you," he said, then he took the bowl again, using his chopsticks to eat all the noodles, and then he lifted it towards his mouth and drank all the soup in one gulp. Tanjiro then stood up before bowing to the store owner. "Thank you," he said again, giving the man a bright smile, and said, "it was delicious!" even though he couldn't taste it  at all .

He didn't know what made him go to that  dead-end , but it felt like something important would happen if he headed on that direction. It was just unlucky, as always, that it seemed to be the wrong path. Tanjiro sighed to himself before bitterly chuckling.

"Why does everything I do only produce more misery?" 

" — It's nice to meet you, Tanjiro." A voice suddenly said. Tanjiro then took it upon himself to quickly try to get his  katana  on his hips, but when he saw  who  the person that greeted him was, he was dumbfounded.

Tanjiro's eyes softly widened, "...you are..."

The blank-eyed woman slowly closed her eyes as she nodded. "Would you like to accompany us back to our home?"

"Tamayo-sama!" The male beside her scolded, "we musn't, this guy is an upper moon —upper moon Zero, in fact ! It will only get us to trouble." He gave Tanjiro the stink-eye.

"You do know that I should be the one  suspicious  of you, no? A  stranger  approaching me out of nowhere, while I'm just taking a stroll." Tanjiro narrowed his eyes.

The woman only smiled, not distraught. "We are not exactly strangers to one another, if  we know each other's existence,  correct?" 

Tanjiro laughed lightly. "I apologize, but I think what your companion is saying is... correct. Leading me to where you reside while  that person  is looking for you will only lead to your downfall."

"However, you can resist him reading your thoughts, can you not?" Tamayo inquired, her eyes narrowing.

Tanjiro was taken aback, and then he silently nodded. "To an extent, I guess." He told her, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck.

"Then it should be fine."

"Tamayo-sama!" The male interrupted again, his eyebrows furrowing even more deeply.

"Yushiro," The woman, Tamayo, called his name as if he was reprimanding her child. "It will be fine—this child... he is kind. I can see it in his eyes—and I've heard of the stories about the upper moon zero."

"Nevertheless, Tamayo-sama!" Yushiro retorted, "there is a possibility that those rumors are only made-up so that you would loosen your guard when he appears!"

Tamayo shook her head. "That suggestion was already proven invalid the moment this child only took his stance in defense but  did not even attempt to slay us ."

Yushiro turned his head away before he clicked his tongue. "I don't really — " Tanjiro began, but then Yushiro gave him a look that said  don't you dare continue those words . Then Tanjiro just coughed to himself. " — okay...?"

The brown-haired woman softly smiled, "then, shall we go?"

"Just as I know who you are, you are already aware of who I am, are you not?" The braided-haired female inquired, her lips parting very slightly. Tanjiro nodded in response to her question. "Or perhaps, you didn't know of  our names  but you knew of our existence —you  are a close aide of  that man , and you are working against him behind the scenes, after all."

"I didn't know your names before," Tanjiro smiled smoothly, "but I was able to infer from your previous conversation that you are  Tamayo-san  and this person is  Yushiro -san. Am I correct?"

Tamayo briefly nodded. "Yes," she said. "I am a demon, but I am also a doctor."

Tanjiro's lips turned to a thin line. "I  know  of you, Tamayo-san," he clarified, "I know that you have tweaked with your bodies so it would be considerably easier to live with humans, I know that you  are  trying to find a cure, and frankly, that is the only reason as of  why  I am talking to you right now — "

" — you bastard, don't be so rude to Tamayo-san!"

"Yushiro, stop it."

Yushiro stopped, but he was still fuming.

"That is correct, Tanjiro," Tamayo stated, "We only need a small amount of blood from humans in order to survive — and Yushiro can get by with even less blood." Tamayo turned to look at Yushiro, who was looking down. "I'm the one who turned this child to a demon."

Tanjiro's eyes visibly widened.  What?  "That's impossible." The upper moon stated, not even considering the possibility. "The only one able to do something like  turning  humans is  that person ."

"True, it is generally believed that only  he  can turn humans to demons," she pointed her line of sight to Tanjiro again, "in fact, the only one I had been able to turn after the last two-hundred years is this child."

Tanjiro chuckled. "Then you must be quite old, huh?"

"— oy!  That's rude!"

"Yushiro! I will not forgive you the next time you do that again!" Tamayo scolded as Yushiro immediately went back to his usual position.

"Yes, Ma'am!"

Tanjiro then straightened his posture, still laughing while looking at the two, who seemed like  mother  and  child . "You two are adorable!" Tanjiro exclaimed Yushiro flushed a deep red, and Tamayo just smiled back. After a while, his expression turned serious. "...so why did you actually  invite  me?"

"Yes," Tamayo spoke as she forlornly looked at Tanjiro. "In order to be able to complete the medicine that can turn demons back to humans,  we need the blood samples for those who are closely related to Kibutsuji Muzan —like you, Tanjiro; however, because  you are too closely related  with  that person , this may be difficult."

Tanjiro looked at the floor, "I  want  to help, Tamayo-san," he spoke, "...a lot of people can be saved if we do this—Rui and Nezuko too, however, I... I don't think I can," his voice had a hint of finality in it. "It is still  too early  for me to make this decision—and this is a  big  one, and I really... I really don't think I'm the one—if  I  know your  plan , then it will inevitably be leaked to  that person  so if you're going to ask anyone, it  should be  a demon slayer who can somehow—" he momentarily stopped, "like Tomioka Giyuu,  for example ."

Tamayo just looked at him, "however, the demon slayers aren't too keen on hearing  this  sort of plan which will benefit the  demons  they loathe."

"...Tomioka Giyuu may understand," he stated, "I'm not sure, however."

"Tanjiro— I —"

"Tamayo-san, we can't be having this conversation.  I  shouldn't even be hearing your plans, even if I can control what he hears from my thoughts to an extent, there is still a large possibility that I would slip, and that will cause a rift in your plans." Tanjiro explained, donning a sad smile on his face.

"your decision will ultimately be needed for—"

"—and it shouldn't be, Tamayo-san. You do know  why  I can't possibly oppose that person, right?"

"However, aren't you tired...?" she mildly asked, "...aren't you tired of  killing ? Aren't you tired of what that man always wants you to do? You... you're getting exhausted, are you not?"

Tanjiro wanted to tell her,  yes ,  I'm so ,  terribly   tired . He wanted to tell her that he wanted to give up, that he did want to help, but Tanjiro knew that at present, he still had nothing he could do, he was still a coward, and he was going to work on changing that. He wanted to protect Nezuko and Rui — and nothing was going to stop him; no one was going to take away that goal from him. To go along with Tamayo's plans was too risky because it could cost the lives of the two people in his life whom he had always cared about. 

"I can still handle it."

Tanjiro then averted his gaze from her and left.

But if he loses his reasons to live, then he wouldn't know what he would do anymore. Right now, the only purpose he had in living was to be with Rui and Nezuko, to give them the family  they needed , to protect them, and to take them away from the tight grasp of one Kibutsuji Muzan.

Tanjiro feared that someday, he might make the decision to kill the progenitor of all demons because he  didn't know if he could . He feared that eventually, he might lose Rui and Nezuko, or one of them, and he may  lose himself .

He only prayed that nothing worse than what was already happening would happen in the near future.

Chapter Text

「𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒂 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒓𝒚.」

Kamado Tanjiro's voice was so calming. It was gentle, like the relaxing waves and the sea breeze you would hear from the ocean — sometimes it pacified his negative thoughts, sometimes it was soporific, and it could most likely even lull someone to sleep. His slow and tranquil heartbeats made Zenitsu want to listen to them without stopping. Tanjiro was a demon, he was upper moon zero, whatever that may mean, but Zenitsu didn't feel terrified at all.

The yellow-haired male wasn't an idiot; he was vaguely aware that he was a coward, that he was afraid of even the most minor things, and that even just a faint sound from the bushes would already make him horrified. However, Zenitsu wasn't terrified of this person at all — and for some reason, there was something in this demon's red eyes that pulled him in; as Tanjiro's gaze softly landed on him, he felt like he was safe, but he also knew that, logically, he most definitely wasn't.

Kamado Tanjiro is a demon. Zenitsu reminded himself of the stature of the boy before him as his violent trembles refused to stop. His lips were parted as if he wanted to say something — but the utter fear didn't let him even speak. Perhaps this was only a false sense of dread he implanted in himself because he didn't want to let his guard down. Nevertheless, he shouldn't feel so secure around this male, especially since said boy was a demon who would slaughter without mercy and devour humans to live.

Even so, Zenitsu didn't feel like his heart was about to fly out of his mouth. He couldn't help it, and it felt so right to be with this person—. It isn't! Zenitsu bit his lips, shaking his head as hard as he could so he could shake off the thoughts that could make him lower his guard around a demon, of all things.

Zenitsu was weak — the yellow-haired male already knew that since a very long time ago, when he saw his Gramps' corpse lying on the corner of their temple; it was traumatic how eerily noiseless the place was, and all he could hear was his own agonized screams as he became angry to himself because of his incapability to protect the only person he could consider as a family all his life—. Zenitsu's eyes widened as he stared at the old man, who he still could somehow recognize even though most of his flesh was ripped out and his whole body was covered in scarlet.

Zenitsu first encountered Kamado Tanjiro that day in that exact spot. The demon was kneeling on his Gramps' side. It seemed as if he was praying, but the sounds he let out gave off the fact that he was a demon, a heartless murderer. Zenitsu wanted to use his sword to cut the demon's head off, but the heartbeats he heard were so gentle it made him want to cry —"Hello," the red-haired male spoke after he slowly opened his eyes, "...my condolences as to what happened to your... grandfather, maybe?" Zenitsu could already know that he wasn't the one, just from the sound of his voice alone.

The demon was mourning a human's death, which shouldn't be; because he's a demon. "A colleague of mine was what caused his downfall," he calmly stated, his voice seeping with a steady rhythm—it was mellow, it was kind, it was mellifluous, but this man with this beautiful sound was still a demon, and he was taught that demons were anything but kind. "I cannot apologize for what he has done. However, since... if he did not do it, I would have had to do it. That person... ordered me to do so."

That person? Zenitsu remembered asking himself, not understanding what the man was saying or why he was explaining himself to him—he recalled how he thought to himself why the boy didn't seem to have any malicious intent towards him. His voice was not the least bit fake, everything he said was genuine, and that made everything even more complicated for him. Granted, Zenitsu wasn't brave. He was one of the most cowardly people out there, and no matter what might happen, he couldn't summon the courage he needed. He was always, without fail, only left with his thoughts — and he would always be panicking. "—what do I do? What do I do?" He chanted. 

"You don't have to do anything, really," the demon told him, and Zenitsu may be wrong, but the demon seemed as if he was struggling to keep something to himself— "...in the future, you'll know what truly transpired in this place, and at that moment, I hope that you won't lose yourself."

"What..." Zenitsu started, "What are you talking about...?"

The male had a far-off look on his features, "nonetheless, no one can turn back time. So... what else can you do to avoid repeating this."

"... are you really a demon?" Zenitsu stated, "are—I—... then—who killed—"

"—perhaps it was a demon, perhaps it was someone you know very well." The maroon-haired teen gave him a tender smile as he spoke, "Well then, while I would like to give this person a proper burial... you're already here, anyways." He looked away, "You can be the one to give him one... I don't think I deserve to be the one, anyways. So..."

"uh, yes, I—" Zenitsu said as he thought of how strange this situation was, a demon was praying for his gramps, and he even considered giving him a burial if he didn't come back to see his dead body. "I... could." He looked down, "...but who would do this, why? Why? Why?" He whispered to himself, sincerely thinking of what might have happened, but they consisted more of frantic rants inside his head. "—who... who are you?"

The boy gave him a ninety-degree bow, "my name is Tanjiro, it's a pleasure to meet you." Tanjiro greeted. 

Panicking, Zenitsu just responded with "Zenitsu!" before covering his mouth after realizing that he had just exchanged names with a demon. His face then turned pale—. "What did I just do? What—did I, did I just—oh no, I'm in danger—I'm in danger, I'm in danger!"

Zenitsu heard a light chuckle from the male, and they sounded like the gentle rolling of waves, and it felt so sweet. For a moment, he might have thought they were having this small conversation as friends, not as a demon and a swordsman. Still, when he let out such a melodic giggle, most of Zenitsu's worries died out, and he became afraid because he felt so reassured and comforted in the face of this man-devouring oni. He might have even forgotten the fact that his teacher was killed and only his dead body remained, and that realization made him even more scared—the truth that he didn't feel the least bit terrified made him scared as well, adding to the fact that he felt like he didn't need to be cautious.

"You're an interesting person, Zenitsu." Tanjiro said, "I do hope that we meet again, but... the next time we do so, we might be enemies," he gave a small chuckle again; those were Tanjiro's last words as he walked away from the temple—and after he was gone, the recognition of his master's death dawned to him; he couldn't help but think of how it was so late, and he just mourned, swearing that one day, he would give retribution to whoever let this happen—

—but then again, Tanjiro also let this happen. A demon that felt so kind and gentle (had a proper conscience, and even felt sympathy for those who were murdered in injustice) must have a reason as to why he was willingly killing someone when the tone in his voice as he spoke was filled with something sad. Despite that, however, Zenitsu shouldn't let himself be deluded that Tanjiro is truly a kind person. What he wanted the most, however, were answers —Zenitsu understood that Tanjiro knew what happened, and the first thing he would do if ever they met again was ask.

"Hello," Tanjiro politely greeted, just like the time when they first met—the only difference was this time, there was no sense of foreboding, nor was the world only filled with their voices. It was extremely silent back then, but now, the scenery was accompanied by the soft humming of birds, singing like they were divas, and the hushed sounds of the swaying of the leaves from the plush trees, the greens mildly brushing with each other. The benign sounds matched the kind of demon in front of him right now and accented the boy's soothing voice. "You should stop bothering her, Zenitsu." As he scolded him, he seemed like an older brother caring for his sibling.

Zenitsu was just dumbfounded, the tears in the corner of his eyes that started brimming from when the girl he was trying to confess to rejected him, piling up there without stopping. "...Tanjiro? You're... Tanjiro, right? The guy—the guy I met when my teacher was murdered—"

Tanjiro smiled before he turned to look at the girl that he was bothering. "You can go now, I think it's alright—"

"—no!" Zenitsu said, "no, she can't reject me! She's going to marry me!"

"Zenitsu... you're disturbing her peaceful walk, look at her face." Zenitsu did as the male told him to, and his eyes widened comically.

"She looks like she wants to marry me! She'll become my wife!"

Tanjiro sighed before he looked at him with a disgusted face. "Knock it off, Zenitsu," he teasingly said, "really, ma'am, you can go now, you don't have to mind this person here, he was just kidding—he likes to fool around, you see."

"—I wasn't joking!" Zenitsu insisted as he started to cling to the girl. "This person's really going to marry me!"

Tanjiro just pulled Zenitsu off the female and took him with him as he walked away, "...really, what were you doing in the middle of the street?" Tanjiro chuckled, and then another surge of relief passed through Zenitsu—maybe it was because this conversation that they were having right now reassured him that Tanjiro wasn't here to kill him, not yet, he wasn't ordered... to do something like that yet. "I didn't expect to find you in such a place, honestly—were you on your way to another mission?"

At hearing the word mission, Zenitsu flinched, raising his hands in front of him as if in defense. He knows that I'm a demon slayer now, Zenitsu thought, preparing himself for battle if ever Tanjiro would fight him even though there was nothing hostile hidden in his voice. Even though they were on opposing sides, Zenitsu genuinely hoped that they would not have to fight because Tanjiro was the first person the blonde encountered that had such a kind sound —beneath his words was an unconditional sensation of humanity, and even though Tanjiro was not a human, he felt more human than the other humans —even though he was most definitely a demon, his sound was the most beautiful out of the others. "ye—yeah," he stuttered, averting his gaze from Tanjiro because he was starting to become nervous.

"Oh," Tanjiro hummed, "...are you perhaps, going to the tsuzumi mansion?"

"—the tsuzumi mansion?" The golden-eyed boy questioned, his head tilted in confusion.

Tanjiro nodded before he pointed to a direction—"that place,"

"I... I think so?" Zenitsu said, unaware of where he was actually headed for his mission.

Tanjiro gave him a soft smile again, "then, do you perhaps know the person trailing behind us?" he calmly asked.

Zenitsu's eyes widened in terror as he started to hide behind the burgundy-haired male. "What?!" He shouted in panic, afraid that someone was there to hunt him down, "Tanjiro, help me!" He shrieked, grasping the hem of the boy's green-checkered haori. "You can beat whoever comes, right? Right? After all, you're strong, right?"

Tanjiro's brows furrowed, "you do know that I am a demon, Zenitsu?"

"Yeah—but you're not as scary as the sound that the person that's following us is giving off!" Zenitsu exclaimed, his fear of Tanjiro getting shredded the moment another fear overwhelmed him.

"—hah," Tanjiro sighed as he looked at the yellow-haired male that was chanting his insecurities and worries before he smiled. But it would be best if you didn't get this comfortable with me, Zenitsu — he thought to himself as he grasped his head when a sudden pain came to him without warning. Tanjiro bit his lip, trying to resist the temptation of removing the wall that he had built in his thoughts so Muzan couldn't get in so fast. If that person learns about this and thinks that you are a threat, if you let your guard down, then I will definitely — he solemnly closed his eyes, and... you should be warier. I was there when someone you undoubtedly cared for was killed. I was there by the side of his corpse. Why don't you doubt me —? Why do you... seem like you are comfortable with me when you should not be —and I must not get attached to anyone, much less a demon slayer. He carefully reminded himself.

"Tanjiro?" There was a worried tone in Zenitsu's voice.

Tanjiro reassured him with a small smile. "Don't worry—if there's anyone the person following us wants to kill then it's—"

"—I'll defeat you, demon!" A raspy voice shouted, and Tanjiro chuckled.

"—it's me, haha!"

"—...is that a boar?"

"—no, Zenitsu, that's a person, he just has a boar mask."

"...eh?!"

"—fight me, Kamaboko Gonpachiro!"

"— it's Kamado Tanjiro, boar masked person-san," he softly reminded.

"Tanjiro, your surname is Kamado?"

"—oh, yeah, I didn't tell you, did I?" he sheepishly scratched his neck, "to formally introduce myself, I'm Kamado Tanjiro, Zenitsu."

"—I," Zenitsu halted, seeming to be unsure about this, "I'm Agatsuma Zenitsu... so, who's that guy?" He stared at the man in suspicion.

"The thing is, I don't think I got his name when I first met him."

"—I said fight me!"

As Tanjiro laughed at the silly antics of the boar-masked male and Zenitsu, he asked himself if he could consider them friends, if he deserved to consider them as friends, when he could never get rid of the fact that he would someday have to turn his back to them and look at them coldly, like he does with most people. He asked himself how much Zenitsu's opinion of him would change once he knew how cruel he truly was and how much blood was shed because of his choices. If he knew Tanjiro's motives, would Zenitsu regard him as noble or just a heartless, selfish demon?

As Tanjiro looked at the two with a smile, avoiding the attacks of the boy whose name he was yet to know, he wondered if he could have more of these moments, even though he knew that that was another impossible wish. He wondered if, even though he was a demon, could he have friends?

He knew he could not because, in the end, he was just another of Muzan's maybe - invaluable pawns. He wondered if there would be a world where he would truly be laughing together, with the boy spatting some words with something that seemed like anger but was not, and the boy that cowered under the other, holding his hair tightly while mumbling his self-doubts.

I'd have to kill them in the soon future. Tanjiro reminded himself as his smile turned forlorn and his eyes narrowed in sadness, so I should not... start to care, because in the end... he closed his eyes, ...only Nezuko and Rui matter; and I have to be there to protect them, to be with them,

and just like so many other moments in his life, Tanjiro wanted to cry;

but he would never let himself.

Chapter Text

「𝑵𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒔, 𝒎𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅!」

Kamado Tanjiro seemed strong.  To Inosuke, that was all that mattered. 

Inosuke didn't know much about feelings or emotions or what he should think about someone. All his life, he only spent beside those who raised him. The first time he descended the mountain where he formerly lived and reached a village, he could hear some people whispering that he was  ignorant , but he paid them no heed because why should he care about what strangers think about him?

So, those words never affected his way of life, nor did they change his thought process. Perhaps, they would say that he wasn't even  thinking— maybe what he was thinking about wasn't considered as  thinking  to those weird  creatures,  but in the end, all he wanted was to meet strong people and beat them — testing his strength and pitting against other living creatures was his only pleasure.

He first encountered Tanjiro by pure chance when he was on a personal mission to find who slaughtered the boars that raised him, and his feet led him to a big residence where he heard the word  faith  and  paradise  countless times. There were two people that felt  really like demons  speaking to each other when he arrived — as soon as he saw them, he stared at the burgundy-haired male who was talking to the pale golden-haired man. 

He could tell they were demons  just from the  vibrations  their voices and smallest movements gave off. After a moment, he snapped out of his trance and rushed to slash the two with his pair of swords that he jagged with rocks.

The teen's gaze immediately halted him, and with just one glance he could tell that the boy was  much , much, stronger than him, which was strange, because he never  felt  like someone was  stronger  than him.

The male took a glance towards him before giving a swift nod to the other demon he was speaking to—in an instance, the boy was suddenly in front of him, and his crimson eyes locked with his emerald ones (although he was wearing a boar mask), he unconsciously gulped in fear—when he realized that  he felt fear , Inosuke's eyes widened,  because he had never felt something like fear before. 

"Hello!" the demon cheerfully greeted, looking at him straight in the eyes, "do you perhaps, need something from their cult?" he softly asked; when Inosuke did not respond, Tanjiro gave him a small smile, "—if you don't need anything, then I suggest—"

He would never admit it, but he was caught off guard. He stared at the male for a moment, "what are you looking at me for?!" he shouted, even though he was the one glaring at the male. "and  cult ? What do you mean by  a cult ? What's a  cult  in the first place?" He asked. The smile plastered on the other boy's face didn't disappear as he tilted his head lightly while blinking repeatedly.

As Tanjiro halted, he spoke, "...uh, a cult is..." he darted his gaze towards his left, "...it's like, a religious system directed towards a particular figure or subject? At most times, a cult is composed of only a few people, but in  his  case it's—"

"and paradise? faith? What were those words about?" Inosuke swiftly asked, crossing his arms, "and  in his case ? What do you mean  in his case ?"

Tanjiro seemed to be taken aback. He cast a gaze downwards, "Simply put, those words are related to what a cult is—"

"—How are they related to what a  cult  is? How can you say so?" Tanjiro couldn't respond properly as the male with the boar mask continued bombarding him with questions that should have been obvious. He just held an awkward smile as he looked at Inosuke, not knowing what he was supposed to do. "—and you!" the male shouted, " you know, don't you? " he stated as if it was a matter of fact, "who killed them?!"

Tanjiro averted his gaze, "who do you think killed them?"

Inosuke didn't know what to feel when he found their dead bodies lying on the ground. At first, he thought it was just another random human hunting the boars down. Still, as he continued seeing each and every one of them slaughtered without even the slightest mercy—not to mention, their bodies would usually be gone after they were killed, he wouldn't even be aware that they were already dead.

Granted, the boars couldn't speak with him, they couldn't know the meaning of his words nor could he know what they were saying, nonetheless, he was  raised by them . He grew up with those certain boars by his side, and even though he would never admit it, he was  attached  to them. He didn't know the concept of  family  since he'd never had one, but he felt like he could be family with them. He  understood  them, and they also understood him.

To other  humans , such a fact may be deemed ridiculous. However, Inosuke  didn't care . He would never care for what other people think of him, and he will solely live for himself. The fact that it felt like those who raised him  seemed to be killed out of annoyance irked him off , and he immediately realized once he knew the existence of man-eating demons that  those who killed those boars could only be those merciless and heartless demons , but for some reason, he felt like it wasn't this one. 

"One of your kind!" Inosuke shouted, seething with rage. At the same time that he felt like it wasn't the burgundy-haired male, he understood that the male  really did  know  who  massacred them without even a single thought, perhaps. 

The crimson-haired male looked at him with a forlorn expression as letters that were unknown to him (as he wasn't taught how to read) stared back at him—and it freaked him out even just slightly because it felt like the male could comprehend his sadness even when demons, by theory, shouldn't be able to feel sympathy towards their victims. "It must have been painful..." 

Inosuke bit his lip, and his eyebrows furrowed in anger though they were left unseen. "It wasn't!" He howled, irritated by the fact that  this man knew exactly how he felt , how this male  acted as if he knew how  it  felt!  "It wasn't painful, not the least!" He insisted.

Tanjiro's gaze continued to peer at him, "was it not?" 

Inosuke gulped, surprised by how the male's voice felt so understanding—so... compassionate. "Who—" he began yet again, "who killed them?!" he asked with even more finality. "tell me,"he spat out, "tell me!"

"you try so hard to hide it, but you're suffering, aren't you?"

"like," Inosuke started, "like you're the one to speak!"

Tanjiro's eyes widened.

"and I'm not hidin' anything!" He exclaimed, "Ah, I know." He suddenly stated, as if he had reached a point of enlightenment. He then had a feral smile behind his mask, "fight me!" he shouted, "I'll defeat you, then force you to tell me!"

"uh," Tanjiro looked confused, "how did we reach that point, sir—I mean, I'm not—"

"—draw your sword, demon!" 

"I don't want to fight!"

"Don't be a coward!"

"No—if I...!" Tanjiro blocked the slash that Inosuke threw at him. "If I fight you, I might end up needing to kill you..." he whispered to himself.

"Hah?!" 

"Uh, I should go right now—"

"Coward."

"You can call me that as much as you want to but I will really leave right now—"

"—hah, excuses!"

"...just one thing, uhm, I think... the fact that you arrived at your home, seeing nothing but corpses—that fact makes us... a bit similar, I guess?"

"What?"

"It's not really much, and this may only give you a sense of false comfort, but in the end, I was still able to stand up right now, and—perhaps I may not understand how you feel because I still have her with me, but..."

"...what are you talking about?!" Inosuke bared his fist towards Tanjiro, not minding what he was saying.

"Oh, c'mon, listen to what I'm saying!" Tanjiro scolded, much like how an older brother would. "Oy!"

Inosuke stopped for a moment, "no way!" As he continued trying to hit Tanjiro, and Tanjiro didn't stop trying to dodge him, he spoke smugly, "I'm amazing, aren't I?!"

"Yes, yes, you're amazing, so stop—!"

"—I'm amazing, aren't I?!"

"Don't say it two times!"

Even though the man who eventually introduced himself to him — Kamaboko Gonpachiro, if he remembered correctly — was a demon, through and through, Inosuke could still feel profound happiness only by the fact that he met the male. Kamaboko Gonpachiro talked to him as if they were the same as if they were equals.

He didn't look down on him as he implied that he couldn't read nor write, and even if he might have looked at him with sympathy, at the very least, it wasn't  pity . He looked at him as a fellow creature and not some unknown beast that he only stumbled upon, like the others, and most of all, as they exchanged statements, the burgundy-haired male felt like a brother he never had.

(because deep inside, maybe the only thing Inosuke wanted his whole life was to be acknowledged, to be accepted,  for who he was ; perhaps it was to meet someone who would see him as he is and not judge him at first glance)

"I said fight me!" Inosuke shouted again, insisting. "if you won't then I'll just go ahead and — "

"boar-masked person-san, you haven't changed at all!" The red-eyed boy giggled lightly. "It makes me so happy to know that the fact that you want to avenge them gave you a will to live!"

" —what the— that's not the only reason why I'm here!" he exclaimed, "and saying those four words seem to be a hassle, so I shall grant you the honor of knowing my name!"

"Oh, I'm so honored!" Tanjiro smiled brightly, and the yellow-haired teen only looked at them incredulously as if nothing would help their personalities at this point. The male with the boar mask was scary, indeed, but it didn't compare to what he felt when he first saw the body of his master lying in cold blood, and Tanjiro was strong. He was positive that he could protect him.

If he would,  Zenitsu shuddered in his thoughts as a sudden surge of fear went through him, giving him shivers — because what if Tanjiro would be ordered, right here and now, to kill them? What if Tanjiro wasn't an exception?  No, Tanjiro's different , he assured himself, breathing to reach a calm point.

Inosuke raised a hand to put it on his chest and proudly raised his voice, "my wonderful name is Hashibira Inosuke!"

Tanjiro tilted his head, just like how he did when they first met. "Hashibira Inosuke? What letters do you use to write that?"

"—wha—I already told you that I can't read or write didn't I—" he fell back, "but the letters for it is definitely written in my loincloth—" as if realizing what he just said, Inosuke suddenly stopped, "—never mind that, I told you to fight me!"

Zenitsu facepalmed before he hid behind Tanjiro, gripping the edge of his haori. "Tanjiro, you won't fight him, will you?" 

Tanjiro gave him a small smile, "of course, I won't!" 

"You will!" Inosuke grasped his jagged swords, ready to wield them. "I'll make you!" 

"...but I really think, Zenitsu," he said to the one that will most likely listen, "you really need to go to the tsuzumi house now, I think... your aim might be going to rampage, and more people will be killed; that will be inconvenient for the demon slayers, right?"

Zenitsu stared at him, "wouldn't it be inconvenient for you demons too if we were to kill the demon that resides there?"

"no, it wouldn't." Tanjiro bluntly said, "that person's not an indispensable piece for that person, after all,"

"you keep saying that person this, that person that, even in our first meeting!" Inosuke claimed, "who are you talking about? Is that guy any important?"

"Please help us—!" a child's voice interrupted their conversation; two children rushed to them as Zenitsu and Inosuke turned to look at the sources of the voice, and Tanjiro didn't move from his spot. He only stood there, listening to what the two children were explaining to the two demon slayers, and as the younger of the two children met his eyes, he saw how their terror grew even more, and he couldn't help but feel frustrated. "—de...demon!" 

Tanjiro just let out a soft sigh, knowing that unlike Zenitsu or Inosuke, the young wouldn't listen to him nor would they think that there was such a thing as a demon that would not hurt them. "I guess its time for me to leave," he stated.

Zenitsu was the one to retort, "what—no! Tanjiro, you can't leave! You're strong, you need to protect me!" 

Tanjiro fondly smiled. "you're the one who's strong here, Zenitsu,"

"what are you talking about?! I would be dead with only one flick of a demon's finger!"

"How do you think you survived 'til now?" he asked, "not to mention, there's no way I can help demon slayers accomplish a mission, so I can only wish you luck in this battle."

As if he was dawned with an unbelievable realization, Zenitsu just turned silent. "There's no way I can..." he whispered to himself.

"You won't go away, you still need to fight me!" 

Tanjiro just chuckled, laughing at how both of them tried to reach him to try and grab him before he disappeared in thin air, and he was out of their sight. His cheer slowly died out as he knew that if they were to meet another time, he wouldn't be able to talk with them like this anymore. Another meeting couldn't possibly escape the eyes that Kibutsuji Muzan had almost everywhere. If that man ordered him to harm them, he would do so without any hesitation. (Or would he? Would he really destroy this chance -)

It's ironic how someone's death is what brought the three of us together, he narrowed his eyes, and it is also someone's death that would bring us apart.

(Tanjiro remembered thinking how he shouldn't get attached, and he would not even dare to help the two of them —he knew they could handle it, after all, and not to mention that if he helped them, he would be dealing with a lot of consequences, again— he wouldn't risk that possibility just because he found some people that could see through the facade that he tried so hard to build, that could probably be friends of his, that could most likely help him in whatever goal he had.

Tanjiro wanted to spend more time with them, to accompany them on their journey, to laugh alongside them even more, to tell more silly things, to fight whenever they had the chance, and to know more about each other every minute they spent together, but he knew more than anyone else that he couldn't.

It was exactly because he considered them as precious to him that he wanted to keep them away from him; that was the only thing he could do so that he wouldn't accidentally drag them to this war, although they were already involved in it just by the fact that they were demon slayers. Sometimes, he wonders that if demons did not exist, could he have continued the simple but happy life he was spending with his family and coincidentally met Zenitsu and Inosuke, and then they could become the best of friends?)

Chapter Text

「𝑲𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈! 𝑪𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓!」

"Ah," Tanjiro let out as if he suddenly realized something, "Rui, Nezuko," he softly called, "what are you guys doing right now? I... want to see you." He started, "...to think I would find Rui this important to me—in the past, I wouldn't even have had imagined that I would agree to be his big brother as he keeps saying."

He drifted off.

"...I have to save them, both of them..." he whispered, and the voice he was so afraid of haunted him once again, telling him not to even think about such things.

Rui was such a pitiful child, born to a family of demon slayers that had an inevitable, tragic fate waiting ahead of them—he felt like he was only an unnecessary ornament to the people connected to him by blood. His parents reassured him that he was by no means a nuisance, but Rui was never able to believe that, because he was weak, he was powerless, he had an incurable illness that made him ever so fragile.

He was not given the ability to even just be able to honor their family's tradition. He had two siblings that were older than him, one of them died in the final selection, as his parents referred to it when they were explaining it to his other sibling. They didn't even bother to explain it to him; he could only greet back the emptiness that pierced his heart with an unsheathed blade filled with the embarrassment of being the shame of his family; the empty seat in their family's annual gathering.

He could do nothing but lie down on the white futon that his parents prepared for him whenever an attack came, and there was nothing he could say in order to protect himself whenever he heard mumbles about how his existence made his family so miserable, because who would want a child, impaired of so many things that one needed in order to be able to live properly?

He could do nothing as his hope continued to shatter every revolted glance his older sibling would send to him and every look of pity that his parents would look at him with. What was more painful was that it wasn't only of pity, at times they look like they regretted giving birth to him—and slowly, ever so slowly, Rui became even more hollow inside—.

Even just once, he wished to be enveloped in warmth, not the cold, freezing emptiness that continues to haunt him. He didn't want to be reprimanded anymore just by the fact that he tried to handle himself and didn't rely on anyone. He didn't want to hear his mother's annoyed calls of his name because he had such a frail body. 

Tanjiro didn't take notice of him until he accompanied Muzan to somewhere, where they found a black-haired child looking somewhere far away. "You pitiful thing," Muzan had said, and to the child, it might have sounded as if he was sympathizing with him, but to Tanjiro, it only seemed as if Muzan was mocking the child for being powerless.

As he listened to the offer that Muzan gave the boy and their entire conversation, Tanjiro realized that Muzan was collecting pawns that he could use—and although the man did find this child among all the others, he most likely didn't care if he would die or not.

Only a few people had been able to survive such amounts of blood from him, after all.

Rui was left flabbergasted as the man gave him his offer, "and... you are?" he slowly asked, his gaze turning to the burgundy-haired boy. The boy looked at Muzan as if in confirmation, but the male only stared back in silence, and then as if they had a very silent conversation, Tanjiro nodded and just stayed voiceless.

"Let me give you the strength that you so wish for." The male had said, and Rui pondered of what his choice would be. At that very moment, his whole world was engulfed in a stream of images, and his doubts were slowly being dispelled. He didn't know what caused him to be so certain of what he wanted, but it was just that the idea seemed so tempting.

(He wouldn't notice it until before he forgets about his family, but he would soon realize that his ideals became flawed ever since the man called Kibutsuji Muzan stepped into his home without a care in the world. He was filled with faulty aspirations, and what he yearned for became distorted.)

He wanted to take revenge on the family who looked down on him.

(He wanted to get stronger, so he could find the recognition in their eyes.)

He would prove to them that he was not as weak and unreliable as they thought he was, that he was even able to kill them without a second thought.

(He wanted to be able to look at his family properly, and be able to understand how they truly felt about him.)

They would realize that they should have believed in him more, that they shouldn't have been disgusted with him, that they should have been proud of him, even though they may think he doesn't deserve it.

(He just wanted to become braver, more than anyone else.)

They would realize that they shouldn't have left him in the dark, just because they didn't consider him as someone who was related to him in any way.

(He just wanted to find family in the people who had the same bloodline as him.)

He would definitely take revenge.

(He just wanted family.)

What was above already abandoned him, so what would be wrong with making a deal with someone who seems to be a demon more than anyone else?

(He didn't wish for tragedy.)

"I accept." As his words echoed inside the small room, Tanjiro couldn't help but let his eyebrows scrunch in pure sadness, "Do whatever you must."

This child was brave enough—he didn't need the support of someone who would turn him to a demon just because he wanted strength. The strength he wished for had always been there, inside his heart. It was such a shame how he was never able to recognize the strength that he had, and how this choice that he makes so he could achieve his desires would be the worst ones. If only he could notice it, Tanjiro thought to himself, if only he could notice that he didn't need Muzan-sama's... gift.

When Muzan's eyes twitched even for a little, Tanjiro perceived that he knew what he thought of. "It seems like I have to teach you a lesson later, Tanjiro."

then again, even if he does reject this person's offer, he wouldn't just let him go. Even by force, he would inject his blood and—

"Hoh?" Muzan hummed, "won't you use that prowess you have for analyzation for the decimation of demon slayers, and so I could find the spider lily as well?"

"Of course, Muzan-sama." Tanjiro could only watch as the boy known as Rui fade to oblivion, and the memories that made him a person scattered piece by piece—it was possible that not all of those memories would fade at this very day, but it would undoubtedly be gone forever in the soon future. Tanjiro looked at him as he compared the light of determination that was once in his eyes to the flickers of light that blessed the starry night sky that were slowly dimming to nothing but darkness—it was like he was looking at an empty sky that also made him feel nothing.

As Rui was transformed to a demon, he screamed—the pain overwhelmed him, and every inch of his body hurt, as if he was being pierced by a million sharpened blades; his already ashen complexion turned even paler, and he became as pale as snow. Tanjiro felt like Rui was not even aware that Muzan and Tanjiro were still there, nor did he have the capacity to be perplexed by the fact that his family were staring at him with fear-stricken eyes. The progenitor of demons only looked at him without any sort of emotions obvious in his expression, he narrowed his eyes, before turning around. "Let's go."

Tanjiro shook his head, "I'll stay."

Muzan scoffed, "You? What can you possibly do here?" When the red-eyed male did not respond, he just left.

Tanjiro went outside of the house that the now white-haired child would rampage in after his transformation would be completed. He looked at the sky, not thinking of anything. He could again smell a strong metallic scent much like iron, and he heard screams of agony from inside the house. He could faintly take a sniff of tears that were supposed to be odorless, then he solemnly closed his eyes as he waited. After a day had passed, he went inside the residence again, and sadly looked at Rui.

Rui killed his family. Perhaps it was because the father of their home tried to kill him, and the mother didn't do anything but sob. Tanjiro could infer that much from when he smelled the killing intent coming from someone. As Rui tilted his head, he looked at Tanjiro with a blank expression. "huh...? nii-chan?"

Tanjiro's eyes widened in pure surprise as his tense shoulders loosened. He was left with no words for a moment, and as those two words came out of the boy's lips, Tanjiro couldn't help but feel even sadder at the heartbreaking scene. "hey, I'm not your older brother, but—" he gave a soft, strained smile, "what's your name?"

Rui blinked. "I'm... Rui."

Both of them heard what his mother said and how she apologized, but Tanjiro knew that once Muzan comes back to encourage Rui, the boy may choose to forget everything, perhaps, he wouldn't be able to bear the weight of what he had done, and he would choose to abandon the regret that he had felt. Tanjiro took the child's icy-cool body to his grasp, he pulled him to a tight embrace, "It's alright,"

At that moment, Rui felt warmth. He was enraptured by his impeccable gentleness, and the kindness accompanied that small hug that he was given. At that moment, he understood that he had severed what he had always wanted to find by his own hands, and because of that, he had found someone who he could rekindle that bond with.

Perhaps, it was just an excuse. Perhaps, he was just running away—which was funny, because he couldn't run. 

"It was all your parents fault," Muzan had told him as the embrace the other demon took him in grew even tighter. "it was all their fault for not being able to accept what you have become," those words eased Rui's conscience—if he still had one—and spitefully, it was just another excuse. "Take pride in your own strength."

Before long, he felt the sadness—the disappointment—the unhappiness that went along with the hug that was given to him, and he screamed, because what else could he do?

As the mountain of Natagumo was gradually conquered by the deep duvet of pitch black, only a horrifying tranquility vanquished the place. A young child with a fragile stature looked down on the world as he stepped on one of his spider threads, his blue eyes only looked at the abyss as if he was longing for something that wasn't there. He didn't think much of the humans that were going in the mountain that he and his family lived in, and all he was thinking of, he said in one statement.

"nii-san... when will you come back?"

Chapter Text

「𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆, 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒍, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒐 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒐𝒏 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈.」

When Rui first called Tanjiro his brother, Tanjiro firmly rejected the term he used and instead asked for his name. The second time they met, Rui tried it again, when Tanjiro told him that he can't be his brother, Rui asked him why he refused to be.

"In the end, your desire to make me your older brother is only the result of losing your memories. Your want to look at me as your sibling is merely a result of the hole that is left in your heart because of the missing bond that was once there. It is not genuinely your feelings."

"I don't understand."

Tanjiro softly closed his eyes. "Perhaps it may even be the effect of that person's blood."

"It's not, I really—"

"—you don't, Rui. I hate to say this, but right now, you are deluded by a sincere wish for affection. I am unable to give you that."

The third time they met, the other moon was in a mission, and Rui noticed that Tanjiro was having difficulties in completing it. "Do you want my help?" he offerred.

Tanjiro stared at him. "you want something from me, don't you?"

"...my brother." Rui stated, as if it was an ultimatum. "You'll be my brother, won't you?"

Tanjiro sighed as he patted his head. "you're one stubborn kid, aren't you?"

The fourth time they met, Rui knew more about his newfound older brother. The way he spoke of his sister so lovingly made him envious, but it wasn't as if he wanted to monopolize him. Tanjiro now considered him his little brother, and that was enough.

"Why was a demon of your calibre struggling in a mission as simple like before? Why did you need my help?" Rui softly asked, leaning on his brother's shoulder comfortably.

Tanjiro hummed. "I don't devour humans." He stated. "It feels revolting—specially since I have my memories. That person seems to understand my reason, but that's exactly why he wants me to get over it. So, it's become frequent how he would send me to kill hordes of people, perhaps it's because he's trying to make the urge to eat overwhelm me—before long, I think the scent will get the better of me, though."

"You find it distasteful...?"

"...I guess so. Perhaps if I had lost my memories, then I wouldn't be able to retain my sanity—at the same time, this crippling fear and the thought of my own   flaws that I will most probably never be able to make better, will also be gone. It's actually scary, honestly," Tanjiro chuckled coldly, "this is such a terrifying thought, and I perfectly understand that losing my memories, my past, would be equivalent to also losing my identity in the process but I just can't stop thinking about how revoltingly comfortable it would be if that was the case."

On this very day, Tanjiro opened up to someone—for the very first time in his life. It wasn't that he thought Rui would understand him. In fact, it was exactly because Rui would most likely be never to comprehend the meaning that he is actually conveying, why he was able to express the feelings that he was always holding back. He couldn't tell his sister, for one, because even if there was a large possibility that she would trust him, over all, he was still afraid that those beautiful, clear cotton-candy colored innocent and unwavering eyes would look at him with distrust.

He was afraid of far too many things, and he most certainly knew that it was one of his shortcomings. However, Tanjiro didn't have the power to turn those shortcomings to his strength, not when his resolve was still not built tough enough. After all, in the end, Tanjiro was just another weak being that, by some cruel decision of fate, was forced to existence.

If he had the choice, he would have given the happiness destined for him (if ever there was even any planned to be given to him in the future) to Nezuko, to that child who deserved everything in this world—. At times he thought of the impact of his existence, of how many things could change if he didn't exist in the first place, but he couldn't bear thinking of such, because he was afraid.

Once again, Tanjiro heard the words that he didn't know if it made him glad or sad. "I don't understand."

and all of those times that Tanjiro hears these exact words of Rui, he only had one thought in his mind. And that's how it should be.

The fifth time they met, Rui had created a makeshift family, and then Tanjiro was just worried—because even if Muzan normally doesn't care about the business of his demons, he might still find it displeasing to know that Rui yearned for a family to go as far as to even create one for himself. Deep inside, there was this voice that was asking if he wasn't enough. Even though it was not as if Tanjiro really wanted to be Rui's brother in the first place.

As Rui introduced each member of his family to Tanjiro, Tanjiro held a hollow smile and a forlorn gaze, and as the other demons that Rui found stared back at him, he only saw confusion. But that didn't matter. For now, Rui seemed even just a little content, and he was allowing himself to find what he wants from others, and not only him. One time, Rui asked him why he kept going off about Nezuko, and although he was never able to find out why, there was a scent of jealousy seeping from him at the time.

Tanjiro wondered if perhaps, this was how Rui felt when he was talking about Nezuko, and not paying mind to the white haired child because he was too focused in the beautiful sides of his dear sister. But both of them were precious to him, and Nezuko liked hearing stories about Rui, so be thought Rui would be the same as well.

They would often lean on each other's back, and Rui would ask Tanjiro to tell him stories. Tanjiro could clearly see that Rui enjoyed them, just from his unusually cheery voice, and that small shine in his usually dull eyes. Tanjiro sincerely wished that the comfort they found in each other wasn't just for show and that it wasn't just his imagination. As his thoughts never fail to continue to trail off to what he wanted but could never ever get, there was one thing that he really hoped was true. "Please let everything I'm doing now, still be my own will."

As they continued to meet each other, whether by pure chance or by plan, there was something that Tanjiro noticed. It was consistent and never-changing. As the number of their meetings increased, it continued to constantly grow within himself—that small seed of doubt, and perhaps, sadness,

but he still understood that no matter what he does, Rui would continue changing, and someday, he will not be the little brother he knew. Everything was gradual, but nothing slipped away from his crimson eyes—despite that, he continued to hope for a tomorrow, wherein his suspicions will be proven untrue,

and he also hoped that he wouldn't end up just dreaming this future that they may never be able to live in.

When his anxieties became obvious, Tanjiro covered everything up with a resolve. Perhaps this resolve of his would become an oath to himself, to never let the involved ones down, and to always trust them with all his heart.

He promised to escape someday, together with the both of them.

"but now is not the time... so let's wait, until I get stronger."

He hoped that he wasn't just making excuses.

Kamado Tanjiro was an enigma.

"Sabito... was it? Isn't it that whatever he entrusted to you, what keeps you together?"

When he met Tanjiro in that snowy mountain for the very first time, Giyuu didn't know what to think of him, because he had never seen one just like him before. He remembered how he raised his blade to slay him, the figure of the upper moon zero overlapped with Sabito, and that made him startled. As his eyes widened and his lips parted without sound, Tanjiro simply gazed at him.

"how..." The water pillar began to say, hiding the confusion that was spiraling inside his mind and kept a blank expression. "how do you know his name?"

Tanjiro simply gave him a smile as he continued to shield the white-clad demon that he was about to kill. "How, I wonder—"

Upper moon zero was an enigma. He was a mystery. He was a demon yet his eyes were filled with unparalleled compassion and devotion. He was a demon, yet he was hesitant to destroy a human. He was a demon, yet he had memories of his past—

Giyuu gulped as he thought of a certain fact.

He was a demon, yet he was very unlike a demon. He served Kibutsuji Muzan, yet somehow, there was this feeling that he loathed the man. He was a demon, yet he thought of family.

He was supposed to be uncaring, and he was supposed to only see those who are of convenience to him, however, he saved a demon that was about to die on his own hands, even when there was no clear hints of how that demon would be useful to him in the future.

Tanjiro just continued to amaze him—even if he didn't want to admit it. The demon always kept surprising him, and he always made him hesitate—waver, even though he knew, himself, after everything that he had lost, that his resolve was firm.

"We have company, I see."

When Tanjiro spoke, Giyuu was finally able to look at him properly—and he could swear that it was exhaustion that he saw in those blood red eyes. The next moment, exactly after Shinobu was starting to approach them, he was gone.

"Why didn't you kill him?" The other pillar asked him.

He looked at his hands as if they weren't his own, and after he spoke, he realized that even his own voice seemed foreign to him. "I don't know."

"To think Tomioka-san would be interested in making friends with demons." Kocho snickered, her smirk ever present.

He looked at her, "with him, perhaps."

The latter's eyes slightly widened.

Once Tanjiro was able to safely escape with Rui, he thought everything was over; but then they were forcefully dragged back in the infinity fortress, and Tanjiro was met with the horrible smell of blood. He could see Rui worried about him—but he didn't know how he could comfort him when the scent of blood was making him crazy.

"Tanjiro." A voice rang throughout the room, and it screamed dominance. "You know what we do with failures."

Tanjiro immediately kneeled. "I apologize, Muzan-sama, however, will you please, let this one time go..."

He knew it was futile, really. The man had never cared for what he wanted nor will he do what he demands. Even if Tanjiro may be upper moon zero, he was still just another powerless existence that wasn't capable of protecting those dear to him, he was still being held at gunpoint by the progenitor of all demons.

He looked at Rui, and saw his eyes that were full of worry. He wanted to reach out, to pat his head, and to tell the boy that it was alright, but he was afraid that the moment he lets his guard down, his little brother that he loved so much will get slaughtered by the man whose presence is currently threatening them.

Regardless of his fears, he spoke. "It's fine, Rui." He gave Rui a small smile. "Your big brother is here for you."

Even if it may seem to be futile, even if everything happening proves it to be futile, he still needed to try, and once again, he prayed to a god that he wasn't sure of existence, and continued to hope that at least once, his prayer would be heard.

It was not.

Chapter Text

「𝑵𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕.」

It no longer perplexed Tanjiro— this had happened far too many times, that he couldn't even begin to count. Perhaps everything that happened had already made him numb of the pain— perhaps he was just exhausted, perhaps he was just too used to the grudging smell of not only iron but also the suffering that accompanied their screams that made him want to shut himself down and cover his ears—

the smell of death.

at this point, he was no longer terrified of death- of course, he didn't like seeing other people die, but he was tired. He was so tired, that the death of others who had committed acts that are not acceptable no longer mattered to him. so when Muzan mindlessly killed the lower moons, he didn't particularly think of it- but when Muzan's gaze turned to the boy that was beside him, and Rui shivered in fear, he thought of how exactly he became the very person that he didn't want to become.

Tanjiro inhaled, "don't do it, Muzan-sama." He softly stated, attempting to look calm. Could he really stop Muzan, however? He was merely a tool for this man— and Tanjiro refused to follow his orders again— does this mean punishment? Was killing Rui... his punishment? "I... This subordinate of yours will do anything, please..."

"Hoh?" Muzan mused. "You? After all that you have done? You still have the nerve to tell this esteemed one what he should do?"

"This one wouldn't dare, Muzan-sama." Tanjiro gritted his teeth, throwing all of the pride that he had left away. Pride? What pride! Was there still anything left of his pride to take away? Hadn't he already given himself long ago, to this demon who had taken over their world when he once urged him to save them? What was even left of Tanjiro? There... there was only himself, Nezuko, and Rui. If he would lose another part that made up who he was, how would he be able to live any longer. In an infinite amount of time, forever bearing the memories of what he had lost. He wouldn't— he would not let Muzan destroy another part of himself. He would gladly break, he would gladly beg, he would gladly kneel, he would gladly give all of himself to the man called Kibutsuji Muzan! If he would leave his family alone, he would not... "I will be all yours, Muzan-sama. I would not even belong to myself. I would swear to never think of escaping your clutches. I would never entertain thoughts that scream impudence."

For a moment, Muzan seemed to contemplate his words seriously, and that gave Tanjiro just a small flicker of hope, but he dared not hope for the best, for he knew that when engaging in a conflict with the one and only Kibutsuji Muzan, only the worst should be expected. "Rui was defeated, Tanjiro." Muzan flatly stated. "I have no use for him or any other lower moons, kill him." Although Rui was trying so hard to keep up a facade, Tanjiro could smell the fact that he was actually afraid. Even if Rui may claim that there is a certain satisfaction in dying, Tanjiro wouldn't be able to believe it—. Rui was precious to him, he was only second to Nezuko, and he was incapable of thinking that anybody else was important. It was always only Rui and Nezuko to him. How dare this man— how dare Muzan tell him to kill one of the two?

Tanjiro fiercely glared at the man, who just stared back at him with his crimson eyes that peered to his soul. Deep inside, Tanjiro asked himself if he really could do anything in this state, but no matter what would happen, he would not kill Rui. If Muzan were to attempt to take Nezuko hostage, then he would run- even if the chance that they would escape unscathed was near-to-none, even if one of them would die in the process—even if he would die in the process.

But then again, self-sacrifice is only an act of self-satisfaction, and instead of a better outcome, it would only result to even more sadness. "You won't?" Muzan tilted his head, his eyes wide- in an almost creepy way. His voice was stern and there was not even the least bit hint of mercy hidden beneath his gaze. There was only a merciless shade of red and the intent to kill. 

"Rui." Tanjiro whispered, "It's alright." He patted the white-haired boy's hair as he defended him, showing his brave front as he faced the very demon who wanted his little brother dead. "I promise you'll be alright."

Then there it was again, that rotten, horrible, smell of death. There was this horrifying sense of death looming over him, and only then did he realize- that Rui did not respond to his call. Tanjiro bit his bottom lip, praying that he was wrong- that nothing happened to the boy that he considered family- that they could run away from this hell together- the three of them. As he slowly turned his head, the smell of blood only grew thicker, and he didn't even realize that tears started to compile in his eyes.

Ah, no—

No, no, no, no fucking way!

this couldn't happen.

This isn't happening!

As he looked back at Rui, whose head was cut off and separated from his body, Tanjiro sincerely wished, from the bottom of his heart, that this was a dream, that this wasn't real. He prayed, to someone that he no longer believed in, that this was merely a figment of his imagination. He prayed, so much that he even thought of everything he would do just to make this not real. He would even swear his loyalty to Muzan—kill for him even more than he was already doing. He would swear his entire self to him, and bestow him the honor that he always wanted to receive from him.

Tanjiro didn't want this. "Rui!" he shouted, his voice was hoarse— he couldn't even bear to spare a glance on the man that caused this again. Just how many times— how many times would it take for Muzan to stop with everything he does to him? What would it take- what would it take for them to be left alone? Just how many times has the flames that kept him warm, disappeared?

Tanjiro held Rui's body, the heat gradually seeping away from his body. "nii-san?" The white-haired boy called. 

"yes, my dear, little brother?"

Tanjiro made his voice as small as he could. He tried to hide the pain— the strange surge of pain. The panic— what was he going to do— how, how, how?!

How could he save Rui? He could still... how could he still— what could he still do! There should be something, anything!

He wouldn't let this—

(The unnerving, sheer, cold that accompanied him as his footsteps became even more visible as he rushed to come back to the warmth that he had always believed he would have forever.

The time he hated his enhanced senses of smell, because he could smell nothing but rotten flesh and fresh blood.

Rokuta—)

Not again!

Tanjiro regretted not spending more time with this poor, little child, that was only another victim of Muzan's selfish whims. This was his little brother, his family. It had been such a long time since they were slaughtered, he thought that he could have continued living on whilst attempting to not reminisce the past that would no longer be retrieved. Rui's small, understanding smile brought back so many memories about those bonds that couldn't have been cut by any sort of blade, but were defeated in only a glimpse from the demon that stood by him.

In this very moment, Tanjiro knew, and he didn't even dare stop himself from thinking it. Muzan be damned! He was... he was his own person. He won't let... he won't let Muzan take any more from him. Not any more. Not again. No— no—

please. "Rui, you'll be fine, okay?" He was saying this to his little brother, but it looked as if he was telling it to himself. It seemed as if he was trying to reassure himself that everything would be fine. Rui wouldn't die. He wouldn't leave. He would see to it— a future where all of them were happy, together, away from Muzan's grasp. In a world where there are no more demons, where they were human again, they'd be happy. They would be able to find the true meaning of love, they would be able to ease their doubts of happiness, they would be able to see more of the world.

He won't die. He won't. He would make sure of it. Even though he was all aware that at this point, he already had nothing he could do but look, but regret the things that he hasn't done.

He would not... he would not regret again! He swore!

("Memento Mori, they say."

"Memento Mori? What does that mean?"

"Remember that you will someday die. The first time I heard it, I didn't think of it much. I thought that it was such a strange statement to make a philosophy. But as I ventured in this long, long, arduous journey called... life. If it could still be even called life, I realized the importance of remembering."

Rui looked at him expectantly.

"It was such a strange phrase. They were unfamiliar words. Many had told me that they are actually from another language— but really, I had never even thought that there would be another. It's even an ancient language, they say! They also said that it has a whole set of words dedicated to it!"

Rui enjoyed seeing his brother's eyes sparkle as if they were a young child's. Tanjiro had rarely expressed his interests to him. Perhaps it was out of reservation. Perhaps it was because he knew, he knew that his brother had already sworn to live his life for them.

Even though he didn't need to.

Even though he could live for himself.

"Remember you will someday, die. Remember that your journey will one day reach its final day. For that reason, you must live now. You must not take your life as something insignificant. You must live everyday as if it was the last. You should love, as if you can never love again. For we never know when we may perish, and when that time comes, it may be too late."

"...nii-san, do you...? Do you live your life to the fullest?"

Tanjiro ruffled his snow-coloured hair fondly. "Of course, I couldn't be happier!"

...he would be happier if he had been with his family. His whole family. He had treasured them a lot, really, but... but there were plenty of words that were not said, plenty of things that were not done, plenty of regrets.

There were so many more things he could have done.

He had already given up the world a long time ago. If the world would continue to oppose him— if it would continue to reject him, then he would reject it as well. He had no obligation to a world that didn't give his family the happiness they deserved.

What if they were destined to face such an end? Fuck destiny! He would destroy destiny, and reject the existence of such absurd abnormalities! What if he was the abnormality? Then let it be. So long as his family would be happy, it didn't matter.

He would do anything... to not lose anyone anymore ever again. He would always be there for Rui and Nezuko. For this two, innocent children that were dragged to this nonsensical warfare, and led to their own destruction. Because what did they do to deserve such tragedies? What did they do to deserve such lives?

(...what did he do for the goddesses of fate to despise him this much?)

"But I do regret, I guess..." He mumbled softly. "I regret a lot of things." He looked at Rui with a bright grin, and ruffled his hair once more. "So I will make sure," he slowly moved his hands to cup his little brother's cheeks. "I will make sure to no longer regret."

but to where did his oath lead him?)

"nii-chan." Rui's voice was so clear, it was so gentle, so warm, you wouldn't think that he was hurting— perhaps he wasn't. After all, at the very least, the last scene he was able to see before the curtain of his story came to an end was his precious, older brother's face. He had wanted to try calling him nii-chan ever since, but he was so afraid— and it was strange, because he wasn't supposed to feel such human feelings. He was afraid of the rejection that he could have faced if he had tried. But now— now, he regretted not trying.

Then, even though he was a demon, he realized... that he had so many regrets. He regretted not being able to meet Nezuko properly, he regretted being envious of the time that person who could have been his little sister as well spent with their gentle older brother. He regretted not calling him nii-chan more. He regretted not being able to bond with them. And family?

He scoffed, and it surprised him that he was still capable of scoffing.

He had already found his family. As he stared at his nii-chan's tear stricken face while bearing a crestfallen smile, and he saw Nezuko... as he had imagined her to be, enter the hall, he saw a glimpse of how his family could have been.

It overlapped with his brother's reliable form. All of them where smiling. Their older brother was carefully braiding their little sister's hair, and he was fumbling while trying to serve them food. His nii-chan would taste it, then even though it looked so horrible, he would say that it was the most delicious meal he ever had in his life. His family would be there to teach him about various things. They would be there... to teach him about family. They would be able to see the world together, they would have a journey together, until they reach their final day. They would treasure every single moment, knowing that anytime, they could lose the happiness and lose the tight hold they have on each other.

Ah, I want to live.

In a way, Rui's nii-chan had given his life a new meaning. It was such a pity that he had only realized it now, when it's already time.

Ah, is he too late?

He is... isn't he?

"nii-chan, nii-chan," he mumbled repeatedly, as if reminding himself that hid nii-chan was right there, beside him. This was his touch, this was his warmth, but even that warmth that embraced him slowly began to run colder, and colder—

—oh, it wasn't his nii-chan's warmth that was seeping away...

it was his.

His nii-chan's warmth is still there, he's sure. His kind nii-chan would always be there. No matter what would happen.

He is too late, is he not?

Why... why was he too late?

Why only now?

Why?!

Couldn't he— couldn't he have more time to spend with them— couldn't he have more time to find his purpose, the meaning of his life that he sought to find for so long?!

Of the trillions of people in this world— why did destiny choose to mess with them? Why must it destroy this bond that he had finally found after waiting for an eternity—

why, why did it have to be this bond that seemed unbreakable by anything?

I want to live.

But more than that— he wished for his family's happiness. His little sister and big brother, at the very least, let them find the happiness they deserve.

Take me, take me all you want! Fate?! What fate?!  Nii-chan  would destroy your fate!

Rui cried. He held a pained smile as the tears continued to cascade down his cheeks. It was becoming colder, colder... colder.

But he could smell it. His brother's unique scent, that of nature. As he was able to take a glimpse at Muzan's orbs before looking at Tanjiro again, he was reminded of a promise.

("After we meet that person, you should take a vacation from Mt. Natagumo."

"Hm?" He stared.

"Don't you want to see some cherry blossoms?")

I'm sleepy. The adrenaline that kept him alive gradually began seeping away. Aside from the cold, there was one more thing that Rui definitely felt— exhaustion. He might have been exhausted already even before this. He was sure that he was. But, nii-chan was there, and nii-chan's presence was enough. He remembered the things that continued to change,

(how his nii-chan's voice became kinder, and his embrace warmer, as they continued to become closer),

and searched for things that wouldn't change.

(his nii-chan's smile is the most beautiful; he's the kindest person he has ever met; he... he will do everything for the people that he loves.)

God, if you really do exist. He thought, for one last time. Save them. Give them— give them happiness.

Their happiness would probably be the only thing that would be able to give him peace.

He wondered, however.

What could peace feel like?

(peace would be together with his nii-chan and their little sister.)

There had always been nothing he held in his hands, but as it intertwined with his nii-chan's, he felt as if even the most indomitable of enemies could be defeated. His nii-chan was the strongest, after all. He was the kindest... the best nii-chan he could have ever wished for.

Briefly, he wondered how life would be without his nii-chan. Perhaps, he would be less human. Perhaps, he wouldn't feel any of these emotions. Perhaps, he would still be alive. Perhaps, he would have no regrets.

But no, even if those would be true, he would never choose a world without his nii-chan. A world without his nii-chan would be horrible...

...he didn't want to live a life without purpose anymore.

Perhaps, there is a world... somewhere, over the horizons— where they would view the starry night sky together, cheer as the fireworks bloom in the sky, and smile as they walk across heaps of sakura trees.

A world where there was no Kibutsuji Muzan— or maybe Kibutsuji Muzan had a kind soul inhabiting his body. A world... without suffering. A world where they had freedom. A world where they were family.

In his next life, he hoped that he would no longer have any regrets. In that world, they could live each day as if it was the end.

"Memento Mori, indeed." He whispered softly.

He heard someone cry his name, but it seemed so faraway and surreal.

Rui left this world with a smile. He dreamt, until the very end.

(happiness was but a dream.)

"Rui!" Tanjiro cried out, holding Rui tighter. He shook his head, not wanting to believe that this was happening. "No, no, no!"

It was cold.

"Rui, Rui, please!" Tanjiro begged, crying. "Respond! Respond, damn it! You're okay, you're okay, right?!"

He didn't. As he continued to become a franting mess, he didn't even realize that Rui's whole body has already long since turned to small, frolicking fragments much like ashes. He didn't realize that all that was left of his little brother was the white yukata that he had always worn. He didn't realize that he was no longer there— not even philosophy. Thus was the death bestowed to demons.

Perhaps, it was punishment, indeed. For choosing the heretic path, for being so desperate to live; but who wouldn't want to live? All they wanted was to survive— but this world had continued to deny them of their desires. They didn't wish for anything much— it was enough, so long as they had one another. But no, no, fate just continues to give them tragedies after tragedies, as if they were only born to this world to suffer.

He held a piece of clothing that was soaked in tears, and the clock started ticking again.

The only sound left in the hall was the silent sobs of one Kamado Tanjiro, as he lost another one of the people precious in his life. Silently, he wondered if everyone he cares for will face death, because that had always been what happened, and it may continue to happen.

If so, then Nezuko— at least...

But Rui— Rui—

Rui didn't deserve such an ending.

His story hasn't even properly begun yet...

Why did he have to bring death—

Why—

Why—

Why?!

He wanted Rui.

He wanted Rui's rare smiles, his even rarer hugs, and his not-so-hidden clingy side. He missed Rui.

Give me back Rui. He hugged the cloth tightly.

But the threads that connected them to one another had already faded to oblivion. The goddesses of fate had untangled them, and disintegrated his little brother's threads to ash.

What of— what of his soul?

Would he... would Rui, in a world different from this, be able to find happiness?

(Promises of candy-apple treats, the undeniable beauty of sakura, of a future with one another; they would have forever been with each other, if not for—)

(Promises that would remain broken, forever.)

In a world where he was not a demon of Kibutsuji Muzan, or in a world where he was a demon slayer instead of Upper Moon Zero, would Rui be able to find happiness?

(—there was, indeed, a world where Tanjiro was a demon slayer, but in that world as well, Rui was not able to find happiness. Peace, instead, he was granted.)

He didn't notice Muzan's condescending gaze as Nezuko entered the hall, flustered and confused of whatever may have transpired. He just hugged whatever remained.

("—can you be my nii-san?)

(Rui would lay his head on his lap, and he would ever-so carefully mess with his hair. Rui would then tell him to stop, but when he would, the boy would complain. What a tsundere, Tanjiro once thought, as he chuckled. As he continued to ruffle his hair, and tell him wondrous tales about the world outside the mountain he confined himself in, Rui would fall asleep, like the innocent child he truly is.)

Nezuko rushed to his side, and he could faintly hear her calling him, but right now, even her voice was being drowned in his sadness. "Onii-chan, are you alright? What happened?" were the only words he could make out of her indistinct statements.

He felt small hands embrace him, but at that moment, there was nothing else that he could think of but Rui.

Rui.

(Viewed from an outsider's perspective, Rui didn't show much affection; but Tanjiro knew better. He knew the meaning of his subtle actions, and how those small actions of his meant something.)

Rui didn't deserve to die. Why did he have to—

(Rui was actually very endearing. He was enjoyable to be with. Tanjiro wondered why he didn't accept his proposal to become his older brother before he was forced to. He didn't think it would be this enjoyable to spend time with the young child.)

Tanjiro's eyes were empty.

(He's proud that Rui is his little brother.)

He loved Rui, and he might have not been able to convey it to him.

Memento Mori, huh? He scoffed. What a hypocrite, Kamado Tanjiro.

The regrets only continued to pile up.

Rui—

There was a buzz, and everything was black.

(Why was fate so cruel on those that did not deserve such cruelty? Why was it that such small children must suffer through torturous tragedies, again and again, without any warning? Why was it that everyone Tanjiro loved continued to disappear, as if he was cursed—

—oh, maybe he was.

Tanjiro looked at his hands, shortly after regaining his senses— and he finally comes to terms with the fact that Rui is truly no longer there. The only thing that was left was the memories he held so preciously.

Tanjiro chuckled bitterly. He was a curse, was he not? He was a harbinger of tragedy— everyone he loved met with death. There were tears at the corner of his eyes, but what was more evident was that he laughed so hysterically— and then he smiled.

What else did he have to lose?

...if destiny wanted to fuck with their lives, then why not ruin the plans that destiny had with him?

Destiny wanted war with him. Muzan sparked the rage that he kept so carefully hidden. War they wanted, war they would get.)

(I'm tired, I'm so tired, Nezuko. Can I stop?)

Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc.

(Rui— Rui—)

(I'm tired.)

(I'm tired.)

(Ah– damn it.)

(If I stop rolling,

will you still remain with me?)

Chapter Text

「𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆, 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒍, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒐 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒐𝒏 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈.」

They say that happiness comes at the cost of many things. Which, is indeed the truth. The only difference between all the people who seek happiness is the difficulty of the lives given to them. A person would be lucky if he had been placed at the correct side of the spectrum, but if not, on the other hand, his or her life would just be unfortunate.

They say that when born without anything in your life, you should work to have something to deem as precious. If that was the case, then why was it that even if you do everything you can, you are still unable to find a place where you can be happy?

They say that everything in this world is predetermined, that a being with complete omnipotence reigns over those who exist in it, and all that happens is by that being's will. They say that everything is planned beforehand. From the moment a person is born, he or she has a pre-set destiny for him or her. However, if that was the case, then why is it that there are people who desire the unhappiness of another? If everything is predetermined, then does that mean that even those who have continually taken the lives of another, are meant to just continue to pleasure themselves by watching a family lose the people they love?

If everything is predetermined, then does that mean that all that have lost their lives before they had found their purpose, were meant to lose their lives? Does that mean that those who had left this world unhappy, was destined to be unhappy? Does that mean that those who had lost all of those that they care about, were fated to lose them? Does that mean that all whose lives were claimed by whatever force that had been there without being able to experience even just a speck of kindness, were long set to a path with cruelty and tragedy?

Does that mean I had to lose my family? Does that mean Rui had to leave? Does that mean that someone was just playing them?

If that was the case, then this is a cruel, sick joke. Didn't that mean that they were just playthings for some observer from wherever they are observing? Did that not mean that the suffering, the pain, the tears, that everything, every single thing, was merely entertainment for another who lives, and thinks that seeing others miserable is fun?

If everything truly is predetermined, then Tanjiro swore that he would meet the one who wrote the script for this horrible theatrical play— and he would make that man who seems to think of himself as a glorified puppeteer to suffer a fate worse than death itself. No one, and absolutely no one, deserves a destiny filled with only pain. They were not puppets. They will knit the threads of fate themselves, and make a beautiful masterpiece through the stories that they weave! Tanjiro would not let them control him any longer— he will not—!

He just said that he wouldn't, yet, the script had played another cruel trick on him.

His little sister headed to their shared room in Muzan's infinity fortress, nonchalantly entered their room, gave Tanjiro a michievous grin, then told him this: "nii-chan, let's go to the town!" Whenever he felt down, Nezuko would, without fail, try her very best to find a way to cheer him up. Usually, he would have brightened up just from her smile, but, really, right now—

right now, he was just so, so tired.

He wanted to sleep. He wanted to peacefully close his eyes. He wanted to hear Rui.

He wanted to never open his eyes for eternity.

He knew that he shouldn't, of course. That would be unfair to Nezuko, and it would be horrible of him to deprive her of his time. The grief— the grief of losing Rui shouldn't make him abandon Nezuko.

Even though it hurts so much— even though whenever he looked at Nezuko and saw his figure overlapping with hers, it felt as if his heart was being ripped out— even though it constantly felt like there were thorns pricking his brain— even though it hurts, and hurts, and just continues to hurt, up to the point that he could no longer properly think, he had to endure, he had to endure for Nezuko.

(—"Rui!" He would wake up at night with a jolt. Nezuko would then wake up, startled by his voice. He would look at her blankly, not even seeing her, because at nights like that, all he could see was blood, blood, and blood!

He just couldn't do this anymore. It was too painful. It was too hard. He wanted to stop. He wanted to leave. He wanted to scream. He wanted to—)

"Yeah," Tanjiro responded, but he really couldn't hear his own voice, "let's go."

Nezuko seemed to become even more cheerful when he spoke those words. Sometimes, Tanjiro would think back to the past, where Nezuko would restrain herself because she had to work hard, because she couldn't be selfish so they could properly take care of their family. It was actually nice, to have her express her whims— but this also reminded him that she didn't remember.

She didn't remember a lot of things.

Nezuko grabbed his hand, and then pulled him outside. It was strange how they had been able to get out of the fortress so easily, but Tanjiro really didn't have the composure to think of more complicated things.

She took him to places, to food stalls, to random places were they could play. He would just smile at her, but for some reason, he just couldn't feel happy at all. This was another strange thing, however. Since they were hanging out here, as if they were not demons that were mingling within the humans. Nezuko had always been impartial about the differences between the two races. In fact, she seems to think of them as the same.

After going around for a while, Nezuko sat down for a moment at a stool of a small udon shop, before telling Tanjiro that she wanted some dango from the store adjacent a really far one. Tanjiro begrudgingly stood up, heading to the dango shop, and he really shouldn't have left her all alone when he had just sworn to protect her even if it meant losing everything after losing Rui, because when he returned to the udon shop with four dangos in tow, Nezuko was growling at a white-haired man donned in the uniform of a demon slayer, the tip of his sword dangerously near her neck, with blood all over her body—

(—his family, just killed.)

(—Rui, dissipating to void.)

(—darkness, blood, blood!)

Before he knew it, he had unsheathed his own sword, and aggressively swung it to the man— resulting to a wound at the chest. The man clicked his tongue, then prepared to counter-attack, but when he looked at Tanjiro's crimson eyes— he seemed to have stopped. Maybe he had seen the number, and that caused him to back off. Maybe they had been given a warning—

"Tsk," the man clicked his tongue again, visibly annoyed by the circumstance, "what a hindrance—" the man seemed to mumble something to himself.

Tanjiro recalled something that Muzan had told him— that pillars were warned to not go against two moons alone. However, the man did not seemed to be the type to the follow rules. Then again, Tanjiro had never been a good judge of character. While the man was hesitating, Tanjiro took Nezuko with him, and ran as fast as he could.

He could have fought the demon slayer instead? Yes, he probably could have. But that was the least of his worries right now— right now, he had to make sure that Nezuko's injuries would heal right away, that she wouldn't be hindered by the wounds that the scarred man had inflicted to her—

and there were too many damned humans on the way, so he slaughtered all of them. He could say that he did it unconsciously, because all that was left right now was the strong urge to protect, but whether or not he did it by his own will did not really matter to him anymore. What would be the use of worthless morals if he would lose another person because of it? He would rather let all of those go down the drain.

When he came to, he realized that the panic that the villagers had expressed most likely after the demon slayer had expressed his desire to exterminate Nezuko immediately had died down.

After a minute, he realized, once again, that they were quiet because the dead could not speak, and all of them were dead— by his hands.

Normally, he would have felt even just the smallest regret. For some reason, however, he did not feel any right now.

He reached a place where they could settle down for a while, placed Nezuko down to inspect her wounds and if there was any that could be fatal, and then when it seemed like all of them were mostly healed, he let out a sigh of relief, and forced himself to calm down.

Then, as if a bloodbath did not just happen, Nezuko gave him a smile that was as bright as the sun— it felt like he was going to be burnt and left to ashes, like how those who were forced to submit to the darkness who were judged to be undeserving of the light were only given a moment under the sparks, and were then smithered to mere cinders.

Tanjiro grimaced. It was true that he did not want Nezuko to be afraid of him, and he was afraid that Nezuko would look at him as if he was revolting after seeing him engage in a massacre, but this felt even worse— it was as if Nezuko's feelings that had made her human were now all rendered numb— it gave him a sense that he was already too late, that he should have done something sooner. If he had, then maybe Rui wouldn't have left like that— maybe they could have spent so much time together. It may seem ridiculous, but he even thought that maybe he should have just sought refuge from the demon slayers— but naturally, the idea was dismissed as soon as he thought of it.

Tanjiro scoffed, how stupid, he told himself, I wouldn't have been able to do that, with Nezuko and Rui still under his influence. What made me even think that they, who had formed solely for the annihilation of the creatures that cannot live under the sun, would think of helping us? They would have killed us on the spot. He let out a small, bitter chuckle, to which Nezuko tilted her head, confused about why Tanjiro suddenly laughed when there was nothing to laugh about. "...and it's too late, he's already..." Tanjiro whispered to himself, before guiding Nezuko to sit down in a bench nearby.

No matter how many times he has seen how Nezuko could resist the urge to drink blood, he still never failed to be amazed by her tenacity. At this point, it seemed as if she wasn't tempted by the disgustingly sweet smell coming from the crimson liquid scattered around them, although Tanjiro knew better.

(When Tanjiro and Nezuko first arrived at rhe fortress, Tanjiro explicitly stated that he would never drink a human's blood. To which, Muzan seemed to be quite furious about, but he was never good at reading his expressions back then. Muzan, however, even though he obviously found it distasteful how mere gremlins had made an attempt to disobey him, had just dismissed his words, as if thinking that Tanjiro would one day give in.

What was more unexpected, however, was that Nezuko refused to as well. It was already mysterious enough that she was able to regain consciousness after what had just transpired, but she surprised him even more with her words. "If nii-chan won't, then I won't as well."

Despite how she had regained her consciousness, however, the only fact that she seemed to be aware of was that he was her brother. She did not remember their family at all. Even up to the present.

Since Nezuko said that, Muzan had provided both of them an ample amount of blood. He had actually been careful about the amount of blood that he was giving to Nezuko. As if he was afraid that she was not going to be able to handle the sheer power that his blood emanates, and if she would not be able to handle it, he would lose one of his means to shackle Tanjiro to this world. Tanjiro, on the other hand, he gave excessive blood to. For some reason, he knew that Tanjiro would be able to handle it.

Muzan had tried to coax her into drinking the blood of other humans twice. The first time, unless Tanjiro would start doing so, she would not. The second time, she had expressed her feelings of not wanting to taste it at all, and repeating the fact that she would not dare to devour humans when her brother had done his very best to restrain himself. Perhaps she had felt that it was wrong, somewhere.

It would have been better, however, if Nezuko realized that Muzan was never up to any good.)

He held her cheeks between his hands, and gave him a gentle smile. "I'll be back, Nezuko, wait for me." Even now, one of those demon slayers attempted to slay his sister, of all people. And he— he will regret it.

At the back of his head, he could still hear Rui's voice. He could hear him whisper sweet nothings, he could hear him encouraging him to let his blood run wild, he could hear him tell him to make the one who had hurt their little sister to suffer. He could hear him cry, he could hear him say nii-chan in such a soft voice, he could feel him, right at his side.

Event though he understood that Rui was no longer there.

Even though he knew that he will never return.

Even though he will never hear him call him nii-chan ever again.

(For many nights since Rui had left, he couldn't sleep. He just sat at his uncomfortably soft bed, staring at his little sister, then uncharacteristically shifting his gaze to look in front of him. Often, he would rise, open the window, and look at the artificial set-up of the infinity fortress. He would stare, then his gaze would fall to somewhere similar to the place where he had completely disappeared. He would get flashbacks— he would remember death, and more death. He would remember the warmth seeping out from Rui, he could remember the feeling of desperately holding the yukata, calling for someone that was no longer there.

He then sat by the window, and closed his eyes. He felt so exhausted— so tired. He didn't even know what he should do anymore. He felt like there was a hole in his heart, he felt like everything was hopeless. His world that had already lost so many colors had turned to monochrome, and there were only dull shades of white and black. As he closed his eyes, he would remember Rui.

As he closed his eyes, there would be that feeling of someone lying on his lap, but this time, instead of Tanjiro being the one to sing, the child would be the one to lull him to sleep just like how he had always done for him.

Whenever he opens his eyes, the song always disappears— and everything feels cold again.

So he closed his eyes, for as long as he was allowed to, because that was the only way for him to hear Rui.)

He won't lose Nezuko as well.

If he had to kill, then so be it. He had already fallen from grace a very long time ago, there was no reason to act benevolent now.

Whether humans or demons, none had given a hand to help them, so, he would destroy both who would dare to harm the only precious person he had left.

Yes, first, he had to destroy that white-haired pillar with a scarred face.

He dared to hurt Nezuko after all.

Chapter Text

「𝑵𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕.」

If there was one thing that Tanjiro would hate someone for, it would be if they had caused any sort of harm to those he considered family. At moments like those, his rage knew no bounds. In fact, the progenitor of all demons had used this to his advantage. Muzan would order his little sister to go along with him on a mission, and whenever someone touches her even just a little bit, he would lose all reason. 

At those moments, as he opens his eyes after his rage has calmed down, he would see nothing else but blood on his sword. Despite his... overprotectiveness, he knew that Nezuko was not weak at all. She was fairly strong, and although she may not have been crowned one of the upper moons, he knew that her strength was on par with at least one of them.

It was terrifying, after all. The thought of losing someone so important to him once again was something he couldn't bear. So, at often times, he unconsciously shuts himself off, and lets his instincts take over. May it be another demon, an innocent human, or a demon slayer, touch a hair on Nezuko's head, and they'll be dead. The upper moons, of course, could interact with her without making him lose himself, because he knew that they wouldn't do anything to anger him.

He did not take pride in it in the slightest, but Tanjiro knew that he was the strongest of Muzan's moons. No one stood a chance against him, but, if it was possible, he preferred not to kill anyone. It was not an excuse for all the lives that he had taken, but most of the times when he chose to kill, he was either not in control, or he had no choice in the first place. Regardless of that, however, he still killed, and he did not stop.

So it was strange, however, when he felt so strangely calm at this evening, as he approached the white-haired demon slayer that had a frown plastered on his face. His haori swayed lightly, and his eyes had narrowed slightly, as he took a neutral stance. This time, for some reason, he could actually control himself. 

As he moved forward towards the man, all that he could hear was the sound of his footsteps, and the breathing of the man before him. This time, it was not the deafening throbbing of his heart. At that moment, he felt like he could destroy anyone, and he wasn't the least bit afraid. Perhaps it was because he had already realized how it would feel to lose another after the massacre of his only kin, perhaps it was because he knew that it would be even more heartbreaking to lose Nezuko.

Perhaps he was just being selfish. Perhaps he was just afraid of breaking if he loses the only reason he has left to continue living. Before he became a demon, when his family was still alive, his younger brother would often tell him how kind he was. He wondered if he would still think the same, if ever he sees this man, killing everything and everyone just for the sake of another. Would he still think he was kind, if he knew that Tanjiro would sacrifice the world in order to save the people he cares about?

Tanjiro was no hero, after all. Even after becoming a demon, he was still, once a human. He did not have the strength to save everyone, and, to be honest, he wasn't even interested in saving everyone. He only had the power to protect those he can protect, he didn't even have the power to save those that he had left. He didn't have any obligation to the world, to the demons, or to the humans. 

Tanjiro wondered if Rokuta would still say that he was a kind nii-chan, that he idolizes him, as his blood-related little brother would see him, raising his sword, and proceeding to attempt to immediately slash the neck of the one he was facing. 

Tanjiro narrowed his eyes as the white-haired male put up a fight, raising his sword as well, meeting his sword in the process.

Tanjiro knew, however, that there was absolutely no chance that he will lose.

"Upper Moon Zero, huh?" The slender young man mused, "what a catch!" He exclaimed, his eyes widening in excitement.

Tanjiro wondered how someone can feel excitement in the midst of fighting with someone clearly stronger than him. Manners, Tanjiro. "I think I should know your name."

"Hah?" The demon slayer scoffed, "Why would a demon, of all things, be interested in the names of mere humans?" 

At his words, Tanjiro knew that he was being mocked, but he paid it no heed. He silently stared at the man, before giving a cold smile, devoid of any particular emotion. "I thought I should know the name of the person I'm going to kill, as a sign of respect."

"Respect?" His conversation partner let out a chuckle filled with contempt. "What would demons know about respect?"

"Well, I do." Tanjiro replied, not fazed in the slightest.

"Hah!" The male scoffed once again. "Well, since you ought to know, the name of the man that is going to kill you is Shinazugawa Sanemi!" As he stated his name, he rushed forward in an attempt to corner Tanjiro. Tanjiro quickly evaded without any effort.

"Ah," Tanjiro let out, as if realizing something. "The Wind Hashira, was it?" 

"Well, who—" The man, now he knew as the Wind Hashira had rushed forward once again, his sword in tow. Tanjiro countered his attack, using his sword to repel the other's sword. As the pillar stumbled, Tanjiro tried to nonchalantly pierce the male's heart, but he was only able to reach to the left shoulder of the male, only being able to rip a part of the male's green-tinted uniform, forming a small wound. The man grinned. "Who knows?"

Shinazugawa Sanemi, as far as Tanjiro knows, was the Wind Hashira. The demon slayer with the marechi blood. No wonder the blood that was seeping out of his uniform was sickeningly sweet. Tanjiro rubbed his forehead in an attempt to forget about the smell. For a demon that was in the verge of being tempted to consume the blood of another, this was absolute torture. Tanjiro could easily overpower the man, that is, if he wouldn't lose his focus. He should not underestimate the man, most especially because he once heard that he was one of the two strongest people in this generation.

Tanjiro blocked Sanemi's unexpected attempt to kick him, and threw him over. Sanemi immediately stood up with his smile still plastered on his face. It felt like he was still mocking him, all over again. "Is this all you've got, Upper Moon Zero?" 

Tanjiro gritted his teeth, his head burning up because of the sheer stress  that resisting the smell of the marechi blood accompanied. "First of all," he breathed out, his eyes becoming feral— "don't you dare call me that!"

Sanemi's smirk had faded and was replaced with a frown. "Wow, a demon that doesn't like flaunting their strength? Now, that's new."

Tanjiro shrugged off the blood that had splattered on his haori, and even attempted to rip it out just to get rid of the smell. However, he stopped himself as he realized that this haori that he was wearing right now was knitted by Nezuko, using the haori of Rui, and some of what was left of the Kamado family. He breathed in, trying to calm himself. "It's not new at all," he stated, aggravated. "You just haven't met a lot of demons, and you're already that arrogant."

The demon slayer moved so fast that Tanjiro couldn't see him—. In order to know where he was, Tanjiro closed his eyes softly, and let his intuition take over. He used his sword to counter the other's sword, and when Sanemi had disappeared again, he was able to grasp the wrist of the man, and throw him over. "I must be dreaming." Sanemi had stated, continuing to attack. When he was behind Tanjiro, he shouted, "A demon talking about arrogance!"

Tanjiro's eyes widened as he fell over, surprised by the immense speed of the male. He must have unconsciously underestimated the male, because he was actually caught by surprise.

"Why are you hesitating, demon?!" The demon slayer exclaimed. "Let your guard down again, and you'll be—"

...but Sanemi was not the only one gifted with insane reflexes— and that was true, he must have hesitated. He must have still be afraid. He must have forgotten that if he did not take this seriously, he would never be able to know how much he could do for the people he love. He could take on Sanemi, after all. Unlike the time when he was facing Muzan, right now, he was not powerless. 

He grasped the hand of the hashira, did not let it go, and proceeded to stab his heart. It was so easy, that it even made him afraid of himself. To make sure of the man's death, he did not let go of the man or his sword, and did not let him do anything. There was a possibility that he could close up his own wounds, after all. Tanjiro could not take any risks.

"Hah," Sanemi coughed out his own blood, looking at Tanjiro with unfocused eyes. "Tomioka should have killed you that day."

Tanjiro's eyes widened, "what?"

"Everyone knows that he let you escape." Sanemi stated as he struggled to even continue to breathe.

Tanjiro gave a bitter smile. "Isn't it more of I let him escape?"

Sanemi just gave him a frown. "Get ready, Upper Moon Zero." He stated, forcing his eyes to remain open. "There's no taking back what you just did. You're on a path where return is not allowed."

"I have long since been on this path," Tanjiro replied, feeling the warmth seep out of the man's body. "You do not have to remind me of that."

Chapter Text

「This is the path you chose, be prepared to face destiny.」

If it was possible, Tanjiro would no longer return to the Infinity Fortress. While it was true that he had met quite a lot of people that he could have cared about in this place, that didn't change the fact that even just the sight of the place was revolting to him. Even moreso the scent, as it was a never-changing smell of copper and blood.

He would rather not be facing the progenitor of demons right now as well, but here he was, looking straight at the man who had killed one of the very few that he had left, and was threatening him with the death of the other one. While that was terrifying in its own aspect, Tanjiro knew that he had enough power to protect his sister even while running away from the man— but for now, he would not do that yet. There will be plenty of opportunities once his plan would be set in motion.

The demon may know of his thoughts right now, but it was more likely that he didn't. His control over his own thoughts had become even better, and he was certain that he would not have to live in fear of the man knowing what he was thinking. He was sure that he would be able to rid of the man's presence in his subconscious soon enough, as long as his resolve would remain stronger than his fear for Kibutsuji.

"Tanjiro," the voice of Kibutsuji seemed so pleased, that Tanjiro couldn't help but want to narrow his eyes in disgust. He resisted the temptation, however, reminding himself that it was not time to act yet. There were a lot of things that he had to do first. "There is a lot that must be said, but for now, let me give you a very heartfelt congratulations."

What for? "Pardon me," Tanjiro spoke. "but I do not understand the reason as of why you are offering me your commendation. I do not think that I have done anything worthy of note... as of late."

"Hoh?" Kibutsuji hummed. Tanjiro wanted to rip that smirk on his face so bad. He wanted to make the man bleed, to make the man suffer, to make the man taste the pain that he had made his dearest little brother feel— "You finally killed a pillar without an ounce of hesitation. Is that not deserving of phrase?"

"With all due respect, Muzan-sama," Tanjiro spat out, "that pillar had harmed my sister, that was all the reason that I required in order to be... motivated to slay that man." He did not do it to receive the phrases of the man he loathed so much to kill— he did not do it to get recognition, nor did he do it to regain the progenitor's trust. He did not even wish to attain such things from the man. Why would he desire those from Kibutsuji Muzan, out of all people, after all. Tanjiro initially spoke to make those clear, but he halted his desire to be blunt with his words, because at the moment, it might be better if the man would misunderstand his intentions.

"I see you have become more impudent in the time you spent alone." The demon's plum-colored orbs looked at him in the eyes, as if he was trying to decipher an unknown mystery. "And here I thought that you had repented, as you now know the consequences of your actions... and what may happen if you are to act out."

Hah, Tanjiro scoffed inside. The consequences of my actions, was it? "I have, Muzan-sama, you do not need to worry." He tried to fill his words with false reassurance, not necessarily hoping for the man to be fooled. The thousand-year old demon, of all people, would not be so easily fooled by the words of another, after all.

Tanjiro was glad that he did not lose his memories as he was turned into a demon— if he had, then what would be lost would not only be his memories, but his own self— he would forget who he is, and he would not even realize that he had forgotten. He would mindlessly obey the words of the one whose blood was surging inside him.

Worst, he might have even been fooled to admiring the man as if he was someone that should be admired. He might even have thought that killing and devouring humans was the correct thing to do, that there was nothing wrong about those. He might have let himself succumb to the man's desires and become the weapon that he wanted him to be.

The very thought of what could have happened if he was not lucky enough to retain his memories of his family repulsed and terrified him— and he was truly relieved that however large the amounts of Kibutsuji's blood that he had consumed, he had not lost himself yet.

"Well," the man in front of him began, a frown plastered on his face, "I trust that you will not be merciful to the next pillars that you encountered, much like you have been with the water pillar?"

"I cannot guarantee that I will be able to slay a pillar as swift as you may think I can," Tanjiro stated, "It would be beneficial for our cause if we would not underestimate the pillars, Muzan-sama. They might strike... at the most unexpected moment, with the most unexpected tactics, and a strength that could be comparable to your moons."

"Is that so?" Kibutsuji mused, looking at him with suspicion.

Tanjiro just gave him a smile in response to his doubt. "May I excuse myself now, Muzan-sama?"

There were a lot of things that have to be done.

First and foremost, he had to have complete control over himself and his thoughts, so that nothing would reveal his thoughts most especially regarding what he was planning to do, as he said to Tamayo when they had had a discussion in Asakusa.

Next, he had to talk to Nezuko— it may be difficult to convince her because she believes that Muzan had saved them, and she might have started to look up to Muzan as their guardian, since he was technically the only adult that guided them.

Tanjiro halted on his steps when he thought of how difficult even thinking of escaping and fighting against Kibutsuji had been before. It was as if Rui's death had granted them an opportunity, a chance to find the path to freedom— and it was sad, because what Tanjiro wanted was freedom with his little sister and his little brother. He had never considered a scenario where one would not be there.

It was as if Rui was watching over them.

Tanjiro really wanted to cry, but at this point, all his tears had long dried up— it was time to act, and no longer to mourn, because no matter how much he cries out to the gods, no matter how much he pleas for help, no one would hear, and nothing would change. Rui won't return, and there would be no miracles. He had to carve the path himself, and he couldn't let Rui's death become meaningless.

He never thought of Rui and Nezuko as shackles to Kibutsuji Muzan, but they were reasons to stay, reasons to not leave, reasons why he cannot escape. There were no paths available that had guaranteed the safety of all of them, and until he had found one, Tanjiro stayed put. This time, there was just one path where he could guarantee Nezuko's safetg, even if it would mean his death.

But he couldn't die. He needed to bear the memories of Rui. There had to be someone to remember him, to keep him alive even if even his corporeal form no longer existed. There had to be someone to keep him in their hearts.

He would escape, together with Nezuko. If he would stay any longer, Nezuko's life might be threatened even more—. He still did not understand why Rui had to die, but if he could do something to not make Rui's death meaningless, then that would be enough. He might not have been able to take him together with them, but he could bring the memories they had together in the journey that they will soon experience— Rui will not be forgotten. It was true that knowing these facts didn't make the fact that Rui was no longer here less painful, but it served as even a little comfort for Tanjiro.

He would not lose anyone else. Not anymore. He didn't want to bear with that pain anymore. He didn't want to lose someone anymore. He didn't want anyone to leave him. He was selfish for wanting everyone that he cares about to live regardless of what may happen to other people, but Tanjiro did not care.

He'll find freedom, for the three of them. Who knows, in a life other than this, Tanjiro may be able to tell Rui the tale of what would come after their pilgrimage.

After talking to Nezuko, he had to discuss it with Tamayo and Yushiro. They were the only ones that he was sure he could trust, and they had trusted him as well, despite him being one of the upper moons. Tamayo had said that she had seen something in his eyes that made her believe that he was not evil, and to be honest, Tanjiro did not think that that was enough reason to completely trust someone. Yushiro was just right for not immediately trusting him.

This time, he would make sure that those two could entrust with him their plans, and he would be able to act in accordance of what must be done. They would also be able to turn Nezuko and he, as well, back to humans.

Truth to be told, Tanjiro did not know if he wanted to return. Nezuko, of course, had to. However, Tanjiro feared that if he would lose the power he gained by becoming a demon, he would also lose the power to protect Nezuko— and if he loses the power needed to protect, then what would be the use of all that he had done? On the other hand, if he did not return to being a human, he might also get destroyed as Kibutsuji Muzan is slain, because all demons will turn to ash as their progenitor dies. He would not be able to stay with Nezuko if that were the case. He would have to leave her alone— and that may be worse.

If he decides to turn back to a human and he is unable to further protect Nezuko, then he could ask some of the demon slayers that he was certain had a good heart. Tomioka Giyuu or one of the two demon slayers that was most likely the same age as him, Zenitsu and Inosuke, to lend him their strengths. Tanjiro had killed a lot of humans, but Nezuko has only harmed most.

Talking to Tamayo and Yushiro was essential for his own plan to succeed. After doing so, he must get in contact with the leader of the demon slayers— Ubuyashiki, and request their assistance regarding the aftermath of his plans. If he would be able to gain the trust of even a few of the pillars under his tutelage, then that would work well for his plan.

There were a lot of things that had to be done. There were a lot of things that he needed in order to set his plan in motion— and this time, he was certain that he would be able to do something. He was the strongest upper moon, after all— war was nothing to him.

As he had said before,

war they wanted, war they would get, and there will be no mercy—.

Chapter Text

「Covered in mud with scratches on your feet,」

To say that Tanjiro was not the least bit hesitant would be a lie. Despite his hatred towards almost all demons who had consumed human flesh for gratification, most especially towards the man who began it all, he couldn't deny that he had grown fond of some of the upper moons. He knew, after all, that they did not have their memories, and while that cannot justify what they had done, they couldn't help it, because it was their instincts as a demon of Kibutsuji Muzan that led them to believe that what they were doing was the correct thing, and Tanjiro thought that if he did not have any recollection of his time as a human, he would have thought the same.

After all, at some point, he was swayed by Muzan's affections, and even when he knew that it was wrong to kill and devour, he had the urges to do so, and feel like he couldn't resist. Nevertheless, he endured.

If it was already this difficult for him to refrain from succumbing to the inner desires of the demon side of him, then how difficult would it be for those who did not have their memories? In fact, they wouldn't even be able to think of going against Muzan, and if there was no hope for them, Tanjiro believed that peace... would come with their deaths.

Tanjiro's first meeting with Akaza hadn't been that great. Tanjiro was just extremely irritated at how Akaza had approached him, although it was certain that there had been a misunderstanding. After the misunderstanding was resolved, Akaza had continued to be persistent about annoying him- heck, he probably didn't even know that he was irritating him with his actions (or perhaps he knew, and he was just reveling in the fact that he was successfully having an influence on him). Regardless, it was not a nice first encounter.

("Hello," a pink-haired man greeted him with a smile plastered on his face. The way he stood was formal, and he kept his hands on the sides. It actually felt as if he was looking down on Tanjiro, and he didn't like that.

They stared at each other for a while, before exchanging a few words, which was even fewer for Tanjiro, who, at the time, did not like to speak to someone that was obviously a demon, even when he was one as well. He was still adjusting to a life constantly being pressed by the primal instinct of a demon, after all.

Then, the pink guy charged at him, and they fought very intensely. Though the former was a demon, Tanjiro was awed at his immense strength and speed.

Tanjiro felt weak. He knew, from the very first strike, that the man was much, much stronger than him.

It made Tanjiro ask himself if he could really protect Nezuko. He wondered how he had been so arrogant to think that he had enough strength, when he couldn't initially protect his family.

"Wow," if Tanjiro did not know better, he would say that the male's golden eyes were sparkling (or was it really sparkling?). He seemed so amazed at something that Tanjiro did not know. "There are very few that stand a chance against me, you know. Just," he licked his lips, his eyes were widened in sheer excitement, "who are you?"

After a while of fighting, with the pink guy obviously stronger than him, the demon suddenly halted- at first, Tanjiro was confused, and thought of what he should do. It would be dishonorable if he would take down an opponent who seemed to have their guard down, and he didn't like unfair battles, especially since his opponent this time actually seemed as if he actually appreciated how he was able to keep up with him.

He's an upper moon, Tanjiro. When the burgundy-haired male heard Muzan's voice in his mind, he felt shivers down his spine. It had been a while since he had began hearing the man in his subconscious, but he still wasn't used to it. It was most probable that the other had heard Muzan's voice as well, and that was the reason why he suddenly stopped.

"Heh," the man smirked. "So, name?")

Perhaps it would be difficult to adjust to a life without Upper Moon Three constantly waking him up to go for a spar, to test who is stronger. Tanjiro prevailed every time (except the first), but he had enjoyed each of those moments. They were short reprieves in his times of loneliness. To be honest, it was a strange feeling because Akaza was hostile to other Upper Ranks, only seeing them as rivals. For some reason, Akaza seemed to see him as both a rival and a person he can keep company.

(-"hey, what's your name?" A pink-haired demon that he encountered on his path towards the fortress- his new home, as that man may put it, and had obstructed his way by suddenly talking and charging to him, had asked.

Not even an apology? How rude! Tanjiro thought to himself. (If this was a comic, there would be a tick mark on his head, indicating his annoyance). He stubbornly refused to speak of his name, and continued his path.

However, the upper moon, whatever that was, had once again blocked his path, standing directly in front of him. "So you were a demon! I thought you were human," he grinned. "The name's Akaza, and you are?"

Tanjiro looked up with a polite smile, hoping that he won't bother him any longer. "Please don't bother me." He stated, but for some reason that Tanjiro cannot comprehend, the man, Akaza, as he had said, had just grinned wider, as if he was amused by what was happening, and well, Tanjiro still wouldn't say his name and just let him do whatever he wants to do, since he will eventually get tired.

Or so he thought. It turns out that demons have so much time in their hands, and when Akaza had bothered him with spars and names for a whole week, without rest, Tanjiro just gave up and told him his name.

At that time, out of all the upper moons, Tanjiro was the weakest. It was only after a long while that he had rose up the ranks as Upper Moon Zero, and even as he was regarded as Zero, he was still unsure as to he was stronger than One.)

It always felt like Akaza believed that he must get stronger. Unlike other demons who thought that they were already strong enough, he continued to find paths where he could strengthen himself. Perhaps it was related to his past as a human. Perhaps it was just his nature. In the end, even those who became demons could not get rid of who they truly are, and what they truly desired from back when they were humans.

("How the fuck are you so strong?" Akaza inquired, wiping the blood from his mouth. "The first time we fought," he pointed an accusing finger to him. "you were like, this," he stretched out his arms, "weaker than me, when we first met!"

Tanjiro's crimson eyes met his golden ones, and Akaza flinched for a moment. "Haha," he let out a short chuckle, "why do you look like that."

"Are you laughing at me right now?"

"Well, you're always grinning at me like you're mocking me, dear Akaza," he countered. He knew, though, that Akaza smiling during their spars were proof that he was enjoying the time he spent with him. Tanjiro looked up the sky, "I also don't know, honestly." He gave a small smile. "Are you sure you haven't been neglecting training?"

"Me? Neglecting training? In your dreams!")

If anything, Tanjiro liked Akaza. Not only because he was a fun sparring opponent and they respected one another, but because despite being a demon, Akaza kept his morals in tow. Never once, in his time as a demon, did he devour a woman, which, naturally, hindered him from becoming even stronger. He had become Upper Moon Three even when he did not devour a single woman, imagine how terrifying he would be if he had not refused to do so. His strength might even surpass himself. Even though he felt the need to become stronger, he refused to eat or kill women.

("Muzan-sama really allows you to not devour... them, doesn't he?" Tanjiro mused. Akaza looked at him, curious as to what he as going to say. "isn't that quite rare? For him to allow someone... of something? Well, I guess you're his favorite, aren't you?"

"I'd be honored to be Muzan-sama's... favorite, as you put it." He sincerely said. "But, if anyone's a favorite, I think it would be you. I mean, he allows you and that child to not devour any humans so long as you would stay loyal to him."

"...I guess so.")

But Akaza was loyal to Kibutsuji, so Tanjiro never let himself get too close.

It may be obvious by now, but out of all the Twelve Kizuki, Akaza was the one that he regarded with highest respect, and the one that he had most conversations with, although most of their discussions were about the outcomes of their sparring sessions and other mundane things. Although Akaza was aware that Nezuko was his little sister, since Muzan made them aware of that, Akaza didn't ask him about it, and Tanjiro didn't talk to him about her. Perhaps it didn't just matter to Akaza, although he had mindlessly stated at one point that he admired how close they were.

("-your relationship with your sister."

"huh?" Tanjiro questioned, perplexed by the sudden topic.

"...it feels so familiar, I don't know why."

"Oh," Tanjiro gave a small smile, "Nezuko's my treasure, you know."

Akaza responded with a smile as well. "Is that so?"

That was the first and one of the only conversations they had about Tanjiro's dearest little sister.)

Tanjiro, after all, did not want to get attached to another person. More so if the loyalty of that person goes beyond imagination; and... Akaza was really serious, if he spoke even a single bit about leaving Muzan, Akaza would turn hostile in an instant. Perhaps he would try to convince him to stop, and that would make Tanjiro hesitate even further. So, he stopped himself from becoming too fond of other demons and Rui... Rui was an exception.

("Somehow, it feels like you're keeping me on a pedestal." Akaza suddenly spoke while they were sparring. This was surprising, because Akaza had never let himself be distracted whenever they were testing their prowess against one another. "You're keeping a distance from all of us... except for that lower moon."

It was clear that he was looking down on Rui, but Tanjiro paid it no mind. This was Akaza, after all, that was just how he was. Tanjiro felt a little regretful on the fact that he had already decided not to become closer to Akaza than he is in the present, but he refused to take back what he has already decided.

"...you're not replying," Akaza said, when Tanjiro took him down and he was about to stand up again. "it somehow makes me envious, how you would let him in."

It gave a second answer to Tanjiro's question that he had first confirmed on Rui. Do demons feel such humane emotions at all? And somehow, it made Tanjiro sad, because there was nothing he could do about it. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Nah," Akaza spoke. "You... love your little sister after all. I do not understand what it is to have someone you love, so, I cannot comprehend why." For once, Akaza talked about something different. "...so you may see him as a little brother. But!" He exclaimed, "if what I think a little brother is is actually what I think it is, then if he's your little brother, then you're my little brother! Consider me your older brother from now on, Tanjiro!"

Tanjiro was the oldest, so he really didn't know what it meant to be someone's little brother, and to have an older brother.

It was at this moment that Tanjiro asked himself if the time comes that he would depart with Nezuko and Rui, could he be able to bear leaving Akaza behind? Or worse, would he be able to... kill him?)

While it might be enjoyable to have Akaza in their future journey if ever Muzan would disappear, Tanjiro did not have the luxury to involve another difficult person in their plans, and involving an upper moon, of all demons, would just lead to more problems. It would be even more difficult than taking Rui with them back then.

Tanjiro really hated it when he remembered what transpired in the past- because it always made him have a bout of hesitation.

Kokushibo, the Upper Moon One, was his mentor for a short time. His words were harsh, but he learned a lot from him. The training was naturally difficult, and the former did not show any mercy at all. That was why he was able to grow, not as a person, maybe, but as a demon. He being his teacher was not the sole reason for his strength, however. Kokushibo was just his mentor at the very beginning of his days as a demon. He taught him the basics about swordmanship, what he must know, what he should know.

There were times when Kokushibo spaced out, looking through him and not at him, as if he was seeing someone else. He would call out to him, "First," referring to him with his title. When the demon wouldn't respond, he would repeat his words. Then, Kokushibo seems to be startled.

With the Second, the Upper Moon Two, Douma, he felt a mixture of complicated emotions. He felt conflicted- because he couldn't understand Douma at all. But he respected his intellect and how he is able to steer the will of other towards himself and manipulate them using their desires and greed. He was angry, because he kept taking advantage of other people, but he also understood that it was his nature to do so. He thought he was revolting, because he enjoyed looking at others suffer.

If there was anyone that he felt pure hatred and pity for, it would be the Fourth and Fifth, both of which were shallow.

Hantengu was a coward, and he might have various personalities, but he was mostly a coward. He didn't admit that what he had done was wrong, because while the other Kizuki didn't believe that what they were doing was incorrect, they still knew that by human standards it was immoral. But Hantengu did not, and in the few moments that Tanjiro had shared with him, he just realized that he didn't like him in the least bit.

Gyokko, on the other hand, was thoroughly shallow. Just one insult, and he would be furious. He was shameless, arrogant, just what one would expect from someone who was bestowed a lot of power, and had began to think that he was the best after being given such. Gyokko, who had always been so petty, had made Tanjiro absolutely disgusted.

This was the image of the horrible man-eating demon that most humans feared. It was not the benevolent Second, the thriving Third, the humble First, the quiet Nakime, and the caring Sixths. This also scared him- because the others, other than when they were killing and devouring, they didn't seem like the demons that the humans spite at all.

Regardless of their outer selves, however, Tanjiro knew that they were demons regardless. Even if at most moments where they were together, all that Tanjiro saw was Akaza's kindness, and how his eyes sparkle whenever the burgundy-haired boy requests a spar, or accepts his invitation for a spar. He saw how he continually spared those who cannot fight against him, as if it would kill him if he hadn't fought by his morals. Even if Akaza began to treat him like he was a little brother he never had, and he couldn't bring himself to think of the former as the older brother that he never had.

Even if Kokushibo's harsh but meaningful words had what shaped his personality and made him become more resilient to threats and provocation. Even if Kokushibo somehow felt like the father he had long lost more than a teacher that he didn't have the privilege to have at a lot of times. Even if there were times when he could see sadness in Kokushibo's eyes, and there was the reflection of someone that was long lost- as if he was thinking of a person very dear to him, and was seeing the visage of that person overlap with his.

...even when he had said to himself, countless times, to reassure himself that his beliefs where correct- demons can't have people they hold dear, demons shouldn't have such, because they did not posess memories of the past.

No one has any idea how much he had to rebuild his resolves, because they were shattered countless times by what he has experienced himself.

He wondered why he doesn't consider this as often- Muzan's death would mean the extermination of all demons, and the extermination of all demons would be equivalent to the massacre of the Kizuki. Then, at the very least, he wanted to be the one (or someone he could trust to bring peace to them) to bring an end to them- he wanted to make sure that they would remember everything before they depart to the underworld- this was selfish of him, indeed, but he wanted these villains of this world, who had only become villains because they were made victims of their own tales, to at least have peace, if not for happiness. Since to hope for happiness for all of them, when they are already far too gone, would only be idealistic and far too unrealistic- it would only be a dream until the very end.

He would have to destroy them-

even if all he had heard of Nakime was her gentle playing of biwa, and how, even though it might not have been her intention, because all she did was for Muzan, had soothed him countless times because of how beautiful and serene it sounded. She was like a quiet guardian, watching over all that was in the fortress, protecting the place as if it was what she was meant to do from the very beginning.

Even if Daki and Gyutaro's love for one another as siblings was reminiscent of how he had cared for his family- and how at some points, the two had included him in their endeavors. Even if he had learned so much of the world from Douma, and in a way, he knew, from him, the ugliness hidden beneath the human skin- what they would do for their desires, the endless greed that is never satisfied.

Even if when he had not realized that it was Muzan who massacred his kin, he had somehow treated him as family, as someone that he must protect at all costs, as someone that would always be there for them at times of need. Even if he could still vividly remember how the man had given them a chance, and he had taken it without amy hesitation. Even when the man looked so worried whenever he refused to succumb to the urges that a demon who desires human flesh would have and he would look flushed- he would sleep for weeks to recover his strength, and while he would be stronger than ever as he returns, he would still have to slumber again.

Even when he could still see that look in Muzan's eyes whenever he tells him the times when he must sleep, and Muzan looks at him as if he will never wake up- Muzan tries to convince him, his voice filled with worry (if it was genuine, he didn't know), to just devour human flesh, because then, he would never have to worry about having to sleep for such long periods of time, or to be defeated by a pillar that may be stronger than he was. Even when he still remembered how Muzan's cold hand had felt as it touched his forehead, like he was thinking he had a fever, even when demons do not get sick...

...and how whenever he would wake up, Muzan would have this look in his eyes that just shows that he is so relieved and satisfied that he woke up- and it was so weird to see in that face that was almost always impassive or furious. Muzan would look at him, his voice fading to the background, "you finally woke up," he would say.

Tanjiro couldn't stop the small droplets that cascaded down his cheeks as he thought of the past now long gone. He shouldn't think of this, else he would have to rebuild his resolve for scratch again. He had already sworn an oath to wage war against those who had wronged those who he had cared about-

(-but then, don't I care about them as well...?)

-because Muzan had killed Rui, and that was all it needed to break the shackle that bound him by their side.

(-am I denying the fact that there were times when I actually wanted to stay?)

If Tanjiro would waver right now, then what would be the meaning of Rui's death! What would happen to Nezuko! He had to- he shouldn't-

he shouldn't feel so much for the bonds(?) that he had found in the fortress- because all of those will remain in the fortress, and will be destroyed along the fortress. What he had felt, and what he may feel, did not matter.

No matter what has happened in the past, it wouldn't change the fact that Rui was no longer here because Muzan had decided so- and if the other Kizuki had to be eliminated in order for Muzan to no longer hurt others and the ones he love, then... that would admittedly be a big price to pay, but they unconditionally believed that they should follow Muzan, so there was no choice.

-if there was a choice, he wondered if he could choose that.

He would be the one to deal the final blow, for at the very least, a moment of reprieve- a moment of freedom, freedom from the chains that Muzan had placed unto their body and soul- freedom from this world that had scorned them, from past to the present, freedom from this world that had chosen to continue to resent, humiliate, and deny them, and hope, that in another life, they would find happiness.

(Tanjiro wondered when he had become so twisted. When did he begin to think that there was a system in happiness? Where did he begin to believe that there had to be sacrifices in order to protect those that he loved? Where did he begin to deny the visible affection he had for the people that he supposedly loathed? Regardless of whether this was just the effect of the suspension bridge theory or stockholm syndrome or neither, if it was him of the past, then he would be optimistic and believe that he could save everyone.

However, no one could save everyone. He wasn't the main protagonist of a novel that ends up happy at all times, finding friendship everywhere, and never losing even to the strongest enemies. If he was the main character of something, then it would be a tale... it would be a tale of destruction, and a gradual loss of self-

he just couldn't bring himself to be optimistic anymore. He didn't even know if he had the right to be happy, when he had safrificed and he was planning to sacrifice so many people for the sake of the happiness of another.

When did he begin to always hope that they would find happiness in another life, in another parallel world, when there was no certainty nor was there any guarantee that a world for them would exist? When had he stopped caring for the people he cared about, when did he stop looking at those who deemed him as important? Why did he refuse to look at the Kizuki for who they were, just because he wanted Rui and Nezuko to be happy? Why were Rui and Nezuko an exception, when those people... when they who had been scorned by the world and were fighting the world because they were never acknowledged, deserved happiness as well? When did he begin to think of himself as the most pitiful existence in the world, as the only one that is bound by the demands of the script, when he can see that so many more are miserable?

It was funny to see himself thinking of such, realizing that there were so many other people beside him, but again reverting back to the beginning like it was a defense mechanism and because he had enough, it was too painful, it hurt, it hurt, it fucking hurt!

Ah, I want to die.

Why did it hurt so much to think of the deaths of the Kizuki.

Why was it difficult to see himself not affected by Muzan's plausible death when he had taken those he cared about from him again and again.

Why did Rui, have to die, in the first place.

What was everything for, anyway?

Ah, right.

It was for Nezuko, for my dearest, dearest little sister.

Because she's the only one I have left.

(Even if he may think that he didn't deserve it, all Tanjiro wanted was to be happy.

So, why, just why...?

Why couldn't he have even just that, at the very least?)

Tanjiro wondered if there was a world where he chose his own happiness, and not the happiness of others.

Then, he realized that it was so unlikely,

and laughed.)

Chapter Text

「Look at that thin thread you see by eye.」

For many reasons, Tanjiro found the sight of Lower Moon One, extremely revolting.

Tanjiro had always thought that it was a ridiculous notion to entrap both your opponents and unconcerned humans inside their dreams, ultimately leading to their deaths. No— in fact, it was quite a... cunning way of defeating enemies. If all goes well, you may not even need to dirty your own hands with blood.

However, it was vile. It was a revolting and disgraceful way to fight. It was not honorable. It was disrespectful to your opponents. Then again, since when were demons respectful, specially when it seems as if their utmost desire is to be acknowledged by their creator?

(In fact, this was just an excuse. Tanjiro did not want to die while being fooled— no, perhaps he would want to. Perhaps he would prefer to dream forever, of a world with Rui, with Nezuko, with Rokuta, with his family, with all whom he loves. So, Tanjiro understands. He understands why many die by the hand of Enmu.

This was such a cruel method— because no one would want to leave the side of whom they have lost. No one would want to stop living in a world where everything you desire is gathered together. If he had been the one trapped in an endless dream filled with everything that he wants, then Tanjiro would be unable to say that he would want to leave that dream, that he would leave, even if he does realize that it is a dream.

He would probably realize it. After all, a world where he was happy, where everyone he loves exist, is an impossibility.

And Tanjiro knows, he knows that he most definitely would not want to leave that dream, that he would choose not to leave, if only he could. If, however, he was indeed trapped in such a dream, then he must remind himself that what he sees inside that dream are merely illusions, and figments of his imagination, fragments of memories that will no longer come to be. He still had someone to protect in his reality, so he would not succumb to mere illusions.

But, even just in a dream, Tanjiro would want to meet his family once again. He would want to return to their sides, and laugh with them as they speak of a tomorrow.

Regardless, Tanjiro would not let himself do that.

The thing is, Tanjiro could easily comprehend why people would choose the beautiful delusion, the utopia that does not exist, compared to the reality filled with only cruelty.)

For some, unknown reason, it seemed as if Enmu was obsessed with Muzan's praise, with the prizes he can get. It seemed as if he only lived for the sake of living up or exceeding Muzan's expectations, and Tanjiro hated how shallow Enmu was. Yet, even when he was like a dog licking the feet of his master in utter obedience, even his way of fighting was disgustingly horrible, even when he so rarely fought using his own prowess, even when he was always seen to be relying on his demon arts, Kibutsuji Muzan chose not to kill him alongside the other Lower Moons—

when it seems as if siding with Kibutsuji Muzan would not benefit him any further, did that man really believe that he would stay? That he would remain loyal?

Perhaps, if he had not killed Rui, then Tanjiro would consider staying. He would consider not defecting, not rebelling. However, that was most certainly not the case. He had chosen to kill Rui, instead of some worthless bug that Tanjiro could destroy with a single snap of his fingers— and Muzan? Muzan will pay for that.

After all, there was no longer any need to fear. He had already talked to Nezuko, and she swore that she would always believe her older brother, regardless of what she was led to believe before.

Tanjiro wondered why he did not trust that she would believe him, before. Perhaps it was because he found a false sense of solace within the hell that they were once led to believe, was home.

So, when Tanjiro saw the two people he had found some sort of warmth, inside the infinity train where the Lower Moon One was conducting his absurd plans, Tanjiro knew that it was time. It was time to set his plan in motion, it was time to finally leave.

He was not expecting the support of the demon slayers, no. He had allies with him— he had Nezuko, Yushiro, and Tamayo. Although it may be appreciated, he was not going to get his hopes up for an alliance. Allegiance with the demon slayer will give less problems in his plan, as there would be less obstacles, however, it would be almost impossible to get them to trust him, when he had killed one of their trusted pillars, and he had not regretted it.

But, regardless of whether or not they will help him in the plan he had constructed, just this once, he wanted to help those he could have considered friends— those who seemed so sincere, so warm, so gentle, so... caring— had he not been Upper Moon Zero.

With a smile, Tanjiro descended upon the darkness—his haori swaying as his darkened eyes reflected the moonlight.

"Upper... Upper Moon Zero?" Tanjiro could almost laugh when he heard that disbelief in the Lower Moon's voice. There was also a well-hidden, smallest note of fury— perhaps because he thought was here to assist him, and it was very obvious that Muzan had manipulated him to believing that Tanjiro and Nezuko received special treatment from him— even when all he got were glorified punishments.

It was truly a spectacle, when, in the corner of his eyes, as he kneeled down to reach a hand to the fallen, trembling Zenitsu, he saw unalduterated horror in Enmu's expression. He resisted the urge to laugh, and started to wonder when he had become such a person... if he could still even be called a person— that would laugh at the misery of those he had loathed. "Hello, Zenitsu, Inosuke." He greeted. Zenitsu let out a small gasp because of his surprise, and although he could not see Inosuke's face because of his boar mask, Tanjiro knew, by the way that he had flinched and stilled, that he was surprised at the events as well. "It has been a long time, hasn't it?"

"Ta—Tanjiro?" The blonde whispered incredulously. "Aren't you— aren't you here to help..."

"Well, yes, Zenitsu." He grinned. "Indeed, we are here to help you."

"—us?!" Zenitsu exclaimed in disbelief, "how could that be, how could an upper moon, how could Upper Moon Zero help demon slayers— the archenemies of all demons?"

"Well, you might have seen it from how we met before, but yeah, I'm not the typical demon, am I?"

"Of course not, you're an Upper Moon! The strongest Upper Moon! But doesn't that mean that you're much, much loyal to that... to the one who created demons?"

"I am living proof of your question, am I not?"

"—can we trust you?" Inosuke softly intervened, which, Tanjiro noted, seemed so out-of-character for him.

Tanjiro thought of what he could say. This seemed like a sincere question, and he was not the type to joke his way out of a serious inquiry. He wanted to respond to sincerity, with his pure sincerity as well. "I would be glad..." He began, still not sure if what he was saying was what he should say. Tanjiro gave them a small, sad smile. "I would be glad if you could trust me, just this once." Tanjiro hoped that he could properly convey that this was from the bottom of his heart— this waa a heartfelt request, never mixed with deception. "Just this once would be enough. But— more than I want you to trust me, I want you to trust my adorable, little sister."

Zenitsu's eyes widened, and Inosuke turned as he felt the presence of another demon in the vicinity.

Tanjiro stood up, helping Zenitsu on his feet as well. "Because," his sad smile immediately turned to a small grin, "she will be the one to handle a measly lower moon."

"Onii-chan," a soft voice called out from behind him.

"You really followed me out here, didn't you?" Tanjiro turned, moving towards where his little sister was. Nezuko looked a bit exhausted, and Tanjiro could barely resist the vague sense of worry from overtaking him. Right now, he had more problems to worry about. He closed in to Nezuko, and proceeded to ruffle her hair. Nezuko made noises of resistance, but she ultimately let him continue. "You're amazing, Nezuko."

"It— it was not that hard." Nezuko scoffed, "it was as if... that person did not expect this to happen at all. It really is beneficial that he doesn't have access to our minds."

"Yeah," Tanjiro then looked at Enmu, who was still looking at them with pure disbelief. Perhaps through his mind, hr was already telling the progenitor of all demons that they had committed acts of betrayal. Tanjiro didn't know, but he couldn't care less. "I trust you can handle him, right?"

"Of course." Nezuko proudly mumbled. "You have to... handle Akaza-san."

"Yeah," he gave a small smile to an unknown direction— where he could feel the presence of Upper Moon Three— the one he was so close to consider family— where, Tanjiro assumed that Akaza was fighting against a demon slayer, whoever he may be, that he could sense as well. It would be less troublesome if the demon slayer— a pillar, perhaps, because if they were normal slayers, they would be instantly annihilated by Upper Moon Three— was not hostile to him. Tanjiro did not keep his hopes up, however, as he was aware that only a few demon slayers would not bear immediate hostility towards a demon. "Nezuko," he called.

His burgundy red orbs met his little sister's cherry blossom ones. As they gazed upon one another, countless words were silently spoken. They felt the unbreakable connection that they had always had with one another. "I believe you, onii-chan. I know that you won't lose, and I, as well, will not— you don't have to worry."

Tanjiro nodded with a gentle smile. Nezuko trusted him, with her heart and soul, as she had always done so even when they were not demons yet, and, Tanjiro will place his faith on the unbridled trust that Nezuko had for him— on the unadulterated faith that she bore for her older brother. Tanjiro regretted not speaking to her about her feelings sooner— Tanjiro regretted not realizing that she would understand. Then again, Tanjiro regretted a lot of things— there were plenty of things that he was unable to do because of his cowardice, and it was truly painful to realize that he could have chosen to do something, but he did not.

Tanjiro paced forward, heading to where he ought to be— to the place where he must announce his intentions, to the place where everything will end... and will begin, once again.

He had made his ultimatum—.

When Tanjiro arrived, he stared at the spectacle that was beholding in front of him— a clash of flames and blood— and even while there was still a small hint of hesitation within his heart, he refused to listen to it, and stepped forward.

As his eyes met Three's marked ones, Three greeted him with a frown. "Tanjiro," Akaza called out his name, and this time, there was no warmth nor was there any fondness at all.

Tanjiro's eyes softened, and he gave Akaza a smile like he would to a close friend he was bidding farewell to, before greeting Akaza back. "Hello, Akaza."

Then, there was only silence upon them, the crimson moon peering over them, as if in prediction of a cataclysm, and the soft breeze of the wind, encouraging Tanjiro in the decision that he had made.

There will be no regrets.

"So, this is your decision."

"It is."

Chapter Text

「𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒂 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒓𝒚.」

"Leave, Akaza." Tanjiro coldly stated. "Tell Kibutsuji Muzan that I will not return."

"Hah!" Akaza scoffed in pure disbelief. "Do you truly believe that you will be able to leave? What about your little sister—"

Tanjiro softly smiled. "You do not have to worry about that, brother dear— since when have you started to care for my little sister, anyways?"

"You will die, Tanjiro— betraying that person will cause your death—"

"While I am glad that you seem worried about me, Akaza, I will just give you one last warning. Leave now. Leave, else I will be the one to destroy you— else, I will show no mercy. Consider this as my last act of gratefulness for showing me comfort inside that hell you call home. We are defecting."

"So, you're serious about this."

"Yes. Rui— Rui is no longer here. I have made my decision. I will no longer take back what I said."

"Are you truly certain? You can still redeem yourself right now, Muzan-sama would be forgiving of you, especially since you are his favorite moon."

"Forgiving?" Tanjiro let out a cold chuckle. "Since when had he been forgiving of me? Truly, truly, interesting. If he had been forgiving, if he had been someone warm, if he had not killed Rui— perhaps, I would still show a form of hesitation. However, that is hardly the case."

"Is that so?"

"Indeed." Tanjiro closed his eyes, reaching for the hilt of his sword that was stated on his hip. "Leave, Akaza. You do not need a reminder of how I am infinitely stronger than you. You cannot overpower me. The one to be killed— it will be you, and not me."

(—there was the cold breeze of winter, and unrestrained laughter, as Tanjiro gazed upon the silver moonlight. He turned his gaze, and his eyes landed on swaying, rose-colored hair. Tanjiro allowed himself a small smile, noting how strange it was to see such a joyful color on someone who has massacred so many humans. 

"Oi, Tanjiro." Akaza called out to him, snapping him out from his stupor. "Woah, you're actually smiling, what the actual f—" When he spoke those words, Tanjiro immediately realized that he had let his guard down for a moment, and immediately forced his lips back to a thin line. "You're frowning again," Tanjiro could sense the pure disappointment in Akaza's voice, but he told himself that it didn't matter.

It would not be good if he were to become attached to another moon. "I have not a single idea as to what you are talking about, Three." Tanjiro spat out, denying all claims. "You should not speak such things you are unsure of."

"There you go again, denying what you just did." Akaza clicked his tongue multiple times to express fond annoyance. "I have great eyes, my dear little brother, I am certain of what I saw— and I saw you smile! It's like... you only actually smile in front of your little sister! It was weird to see you with your lips quirked up!"

"Once again, I did not smile. Most certainly not at you; and please, do not call me your little brother. I would like to deny all claims of being related to you, of all people, at any way!" Akaza gave him a small chuckle, and Tanjiro simply frowned, realizing that he was not being taken seriously. He had not meant those words, yes, but he had said those to make him stay away.

Seldom did they engage in serious conversations, so it took Tanjiro by surprsie when the mood immediately turned sour. "...you don't like being here."

Tanjiro's eyes momentarily widened, before he stiffened his expression, not letting his emotions show. "If anything, I would say that I do not have any particular feelings as to being here. It is not a matter of concern to me."

"You can't fool me, Tanjiro. You... want to leave, don't you?" There was a hint of certainty in Akaza's cool voice, "You know you can't, that person will not allow it." He said, like it was a reminder, like he was concerned for Tanjiro.

"There is no escape." Tanjiro voiced out. "Regardless of how I may feel in this situation, it is not as if I have been given a choice— nor will I be given a choice sometime in the future."

"One day, you will have to make a decision. You won't be able to get away with your words." Akaza concluded, "You won't be able to dodge a topic."

"If the day will come when I am confronted with a choice, then it is true that I must make a decision, Three." Tanjiro stated, looking straight at Upper Moon Three's golden eyes. "After all, if I do not make a decision, I will be unable to protect anything— I will continue to remain trapped in endless indecision. Perhaps, at that moment, nothing will end, if I do not take part in the battle."

"As to which side I will be on, on that moment, I still do not know. It will depend... on what may transpire henceforth.")

-

Akaza. Restrain him. Even while Akaza heard their master's voice from within his mind, he continued to stand still. The one he had somehow regarded as a little brother— Tanjiro, he corrected, had made his decision. It was the path against them that he had chosen, and Akaza had a resolve— to respect his wishes, and support him in them when the time comes, even showing only one form of support, so he formed thoughts with coherent thoughts to send to the progenitor of all demons.

Muzan-sama, he spoke in his mind, knowing that the one on the other side of the line already knew what he was planning to say. Tanjiro has made his decision... and, I'm afraid that I may be overpowered in this situation. As much as I do not wish to admit it, Tanjiro is far stronger than me. It may be unwise to attempt to restrain him right now, as Lower Moon One seems to be... worthless, as of this moment.

Just this one time, he would let Tanjiro be. This was a farewell gift, from an older brother, to his dearest little brother, even if the bond he felt might not be reciprocated. This was the final time he would side with him. While he does feel familial affection for Tanjiro, his undying loyalty lies on the man who has given him unimaginable strength that he could use to protect—

—to protect who, again?

Akaza swallowed, shaking his thoughts of something that seems to be what he had lost, something that could fill his empty heart, someone that was much like Tanjiro—

someone he had sworn to protect.

—to whom had he sworn an oath for again?

—to whom had he desired strength for, again?

Please forgive me for my impudent self right now, Muzan-sama. He closed his eyes. But, another time will come, when we will be able to capture Tanjiro. 

-

Tanjiro most certainly did not expect Akaza to actually back away; but there he was, looking at him with such sadness in his eyes. "As you wish, Tanjiro. I will... leave for now. Consider this a gift, as you were once our Upper Moon Zero."

"...but not anymore."

"To tell you the truth, Tanjiro, I hoped you would choose us." Tanjiro felt the sincerity within Akaza's voice, and Tanjiro didn't want to notice more of what Akaza felt.

"I would always, choose Nezuko, whatever may happen."

"I also hoped, that like you had eventually considered the Lower Moon Five to be your family, you would consider me as well." 

Tanjiro solemnly closed his eyes, listening to Akaza's words, void of deceit.

"I hope that, this time, you will never get lost." Akaza gave him a small smile. "Unlike me, who does not know which path he is on— who is only treading the path that was laid in front of me."

This was the last time, so Tanjiro may as well say the words he was never able to say to his loved ones, who had departed before he got the courage to say them. "Thank you for everything, Akaza."

Akaza's lips turned to a thin line, and he stared at Tanjiro. For the final time, Tanjiro looked at Akaza's golden eyes that did not have a single hint of bloodlust or hostility. "You chose to return to zero."

(and Tanjiro did.)

-

"I think..." The hashira that had once been fighting against Upper Moon Three, the one Tanjiro unintentionally saved through forcing Akaza's hand— whom, Tanjiro assumed to be the flame pillar, because there had been a blizzard of flames flickering around when he had first arrived and watched their battle like it was a beautiful spectacle. "I think I understand now," Tanjiro was evidently confused as to what the flame hashira was talking about.

"What do you mean?" Tanjiro inquired in genuine curiosity, while still retaining his cautious form. He could faintly smell his little sister approaching from behind, and it also made him ask himself how long he and Akaza had been conversing with one another, not minding the stares of a certain pillar that he was talking to right now.

"I understand now, why Tomioka had chosen to not kill you— why he had valiantly expressed his concerns to Oyakata-sama, despite knowing that his statements would be denied by all the other pillars." This time, Tanjiro did not hide how his eyes widened in surprise. He had not been aware that the water pillar had spoken so valiantly of him, even going as far as to express what he was feeling about an upper moon, of all demons, to the master of the demon slayers, the protector of humans.

However, he had to clarify something— "I had said this before, and I will say this again, however, I was not spared by the water pillar, I was the one who spared him— I would love it if you could get your facts straight, flame pillar."

He let out a hearty chuckle, and it was clear from his voice that he was having difficulties in even speaking. "Nevertheless, it was because of what you did that he started to think differently— that perhaps, there was a chance, a possibility." There was something fond and familiar in his voice, and Tanjiro realized that the reason Akaza seemed as if he liked the flame pillar was not only because of the strength that he wields, but also because of his genuiness.

"I ought to remind you that I killed one of your pillars." Tanjiro reminded. If the pillars easily trusted demons, then that would not bode well for them.

"Yes, that is... truly regrettable. No— to say it was regrettable would be an understatement. To say that we are used to the death of our own, as far as to no longer need to shed tears because of our loss, would also be a horrible thing to say. We may be distraught, however, we have long since come to terms to the fact that death is inevitable." There was noticeable sadness in his voice.

"Hah. Your words make it seem as if you do not care about that man." Tanjiro scoffed.

"The only reason you killed him, was it perhaps someone precious to you was threatened?" At the pillar's words, Tanjiro's eyes widened. "You did not attempt to kill the demon slayers you came upon, at all. You did not kill those budding newcomers, the water pillar, or the insect pillar. You did not express any wishes of wanting to kill. It seemed as if you're only at that man's side because there is something chaining you to him."

There was something unnerving in the way that he smiled at him, as if he was someone deserving of something warm like that smile.

"He has a tendency of riling up his opponents, after all." The flame pillarlooked down, before looking up, and meeting his eyes. Tanjiro realized that the pillar had golden eyes as well, just like Akaza— and there was something, deep inside him, that wanted to cry. "You may try to deny it, but you have a kind soul."

"I—"

"Upper Moon Zero, my name is Kyojuro Rengoku." Even when he looked so exhausted, Rengoku raised his right arm, as if wanting to shake Tanjiro's hands.

Tanjiro only stared at it, not understanding what was happening, and why it seemed as if Rengoku was not the least bit cautious. 

"...would you be interested in an alliance, and may I know your name?"

(Tanjiro wanted to  cry.)

-

He had a lot of opinions regarding the Upper Moon Zero that the Oyakata-sama and Tomioka had often spoken to each other about, but the negatives still outweighed the positives. While among all pillars, he was one of those that were most amicable to the possibility of co-existence of demons and humans, he was not one of those who believed in it. He thought that it was too idealistic, and there was very small possibility that it would become reality.

He did not reckon that he would instantly come to an understanding on Tomioka's opinions regarding the strange upper moon that was supposed to serve Kibutsuji Muzan, and not defy him, but here he was, looking at the upper moon's conflicted eyes, and only seeing a child, who never had any choice. 

Rengoku asked the upper moon his name, even while knowing his first name already as he was privy to some of Oyakata-sama and Tomioka's conversation, Tanjiro, because he wanted to hear it from the child's own lips. Somehow, it looked as if the strong front that the Upper Moon Zero had shown to them was only a facade— something he could use to hide the terrified child behind.

Never had Rengoku felt the need to rescue, as much as this.

So, he made a decision— perhaps this child was in need of rescue, as he had thought. Perhaps it was just his arrogance that led him to think that, but he could at least offer a hand, as it seemed as if he had defected from the demons. This time, he would be the one to explain this to Oyakata-sama and the other pillars.

Granted, the upper moon would still have to prove himself, but if he was able to gain just a little bit of trust from him, then that would be nice.

Rengoku refused to think of how Tanjiro could be a formidable weapon if he would be on their side, because it was wrong—.

Rengoku could still see the hesitance in Tanjiro's expression. Of course, he would not be able to trust them so easily, but what else could he do?

"...Kamado Tanjiro," Rengoku's eyes widened, "is my name." Tanjiro did not take his hand, and only continued to stare at it, seeming as if he was still puzzled as to what he was supposed to do, but this was enough.

-

Now this day was filled with surprises. 

It would be a great opportunity to accept the offer, but could he trust that the flame pillar... Kyojuro Rengoku, would keep his word? Could this man guarantee that the other demon slayers would agree to assist him in whatever he was planning?

No.

That was not possible.

If he had the assistance of the pillars right now, he would have to alter his plans, and he was still unsure as to whether or not he would actually get their assistance.

By the time he was certain, there may be not enough time anymore.

"I have no need for an alliance."

Chapter Text

「𝑵𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒔, 𝒎𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅!」

For even considering this, Kyojuro deserves honesty— regardless of whether or not I trust him, he still gave me a chance. A chance that no one else gave me. So, it would just be right for me to tell him of my reasons as of why I do not wish to become allied with them. "I'm afraid that I cannot join you, because I do not trust you, and while I am grateful that you are willing to give me the benefit of the doubt, I still cannot comprehend how you can offer this opportunity to someone who has killed many of your comrades."

"...is that so?" Kyojuro hummed, "then so be it. If this is your decision, then I will not force you to change it. As for why I offered this to you, it's for the reason that we have a common enemy, and right now, it would be more beneficial if our side could ally with yours, even if not permanently."

"Since you have given me the benefit of the doubt, and it is obvious that you respect my decision, then I may... consider, this offer. However, do not assume that I will accept it." 

"For now, I have to talk with my allies, before I make an ultimatum."

"I understand. I presume that you know how to reach us?"

"Yes." However, for now... Tanjiro turned away, for now, I have to talk to them. "I guess I ought to tell you this as well— I'm not planning anything alone, and if the people that I am, well, conspiring with, will refuse this notion, then I will also have to refuse it regardless of what I want. If, on the other hand, they want to accept your offer, then perhaps..." Perhaps what? Would he accept their offer regardless of what he wants, again? He was never a team person— it felt really strange to speak these words, to try to trust someone else, to try to believe, because it has been such a long time since the last time—

since the last time he found someone whom he could trust.

Since Rui— he had never been able to find anyone else.

Or, was it just that he refused to find someone else? Was it because he was far too afraid? If he had been able to gather the courage to do so, would he have been able to put some sort of trust to the Third, and... and be able to smile alongside him without fear?

Would their friendship... their brotherhood— would it not have been over?

Would he still have that small glimmer of light that he felt he had when Third started to acknowledge him as a little brother?

Could he have had the older brother he was never able to have?

"You don't need to give me an answer now," Looking at him properly, Tanjiro thought one thing: Ah, he really does seem like an older brother. There's this tone in his voice that just continues to be gentle, even though it seems as if Kyojuro never did intend to put that... whatever that gentle sound is— in his voice. "we will wait. I assume that you will still come to us in the perchance that you will still refuse?"

Tanjiro slowly nodded. He didn't notice that there was a small smile on his lips before Kyojuro's eyes had momentarily widened and then he realized that he was doing something so unlike him.

When was it again, when he had stopped smiling in front of others, except those he deemed as precious?

When was it again, when he lost himself in this torrent of problems— in this sea of blood, in the pain and suffering that never stopped?

"Thank you," Once upon a time, from a very long time ago, when his whole family was still alive, (only now did he allow himself to reminisce), his mother told him this—

("There are two things that you must never forget to say in this world. No matter what happens, you must always say these words when they are necessary."

"...'Thank you,' and 'I'm sorry,'"

"If you must ever forget to say them, if you never say them when they must be said, then you will regret, and continue to regret. And someday— you will have no choice but to say those words in tears.")

"...and, I'm sorry, Rengoku Kyojuro."

When Tamayo and Yushiro first approached Tanjiro, the thought that he may come to be allied to them did not even cross his mind. The only thing of interest to Tanjiro was how it was possible for them to change even just Nezuko, back to a human. He didn't trust that they would actually be able to come up with a way to defeat Muzan, even when he understood from their first meeting that Tamayo was wise and intelligent. When he had began his... services to Muzan, he had thought that he would never be able to find anyone who will and can stand against him- so he resolved that he, himself, will be the one to destroy him. And even just before he had learned from Tamayo of the solution she came up with, Tanjiro didn't think that his power would be enough to defeat Muzan, the seemingly immortal progenitor of all demons. He needed a trump card, and Tamayo gave him that trump card.

While it was regretful that he was unable to come up with the trump card he sought for, himself, he did not want to risk the possibility of defeating Kibutsuji Muzan through the trump card that Tamayo may be able to provide him just because of pride. Pride, after all, was something that he had thrown away long ago, when he had started to kneel before the man he loathed most, in order to secure the safety of those he loved the most.

(When he had lost his place in this world that should have been big enough to give everyone a place. Rui should have had the happiness that he desired from his family, and his own family should still be alive and well. There would be no Kibutsuji Muzan in this world that terrorizes all humans and destroys the lives of many— and... Tanjiro may be a little afraid, that in a world where Kibutsuji Muzan would not exist, fellow humans would be the one to torment one another instead— after all, Kibutsuji Muzan, himself, was once human.

In a world without lies, perhaps he could have found his place. In a world without cruelty, perhaps he could have found happiness. In a world without suffering, perhaps he would still know how to love. 

Then again, in a world without all of those— it was most probable that he would not be able to meet Rui.

—because it was in this cruel, unkind world that they met, and fate may not allow them otherwise.)

Before he had talked to Nezuko about his plans of leaving the fortress, he had already approached Tamayo and Yushiro, and he had asked how long more it would take for the antidote for Nezuko, and the poison for Muzan to complete. The antidote could actually come later, what was more important at that time was the poison that would turn back Muzan's cells to human cells. After all, in the end, the demonification was a scientific process, and if wise enough, one could find a way around it.

Tanjiro was glad— for once in his life, that the person who had this power, was not on the side of the evil. That the person who had the knowledge did not use it for his or her own benefit or for horrible things. While Tamayo vehemently denied it when he told her about his thoughts, Tanjiro knew firsthand how kind she was.

("I am not selfless at all, Tanjiro." Her voice was soft as she spoke, and Tanjiro could hear the sincerity from it. It had been a long time, since Tanjiro met such a kind person— not since Nezuko had been born— and Tanjiro couldn't help smiling, after such a long time.

After such a long time of feeling like he was drowning in the pits of hell, he had finally found a glimmer of hope— a beacon of light— from these people (he would call them demons, but the thing was, they were more human than actual humans)— who had reached out a hand for them to take, though only metaphorically.

But it was enough. Tanjiro actually wanted to cry tears of joy, but he knew that he should not let his guard down yet. He knew that he could trust Tamayo and Yushiro, but he didn't have enough confidence to say that whatever they were planning was enough to overthrow the tyrant reigning over all of them. The celebration should come after their victory.

"No," Tanjiro smiled- before he had solemnly closed his eyes, he saw the flicker of shock in Tamayo and Yushiro's features, perhaps they were surprised that he had genuinely smiled at them— "You truly are kind, Tamayo-san. I'm glad... I'm glad that I met you."

"I... I only approached you because I knew that you could help us in our cause, I only chose to tread on this path because it will help Yushiro turn back to a human, because it benefits both of us. I am not kind at all."

"You may claim that you are not selfless, that you are not kind, but I know, I know that somewhere, in a world where I have nothing but Nezuko, where I am not Upper Moon Zero, where I am not in a position where I could help you, you would still reach out a hand."

"You don't know that,"

"Perhaps. But, that's enough. For this, Tamayo-san, I will be eternally grateful." He gave her a small bow, "Thank you."

"You... don't need to thank me. Most of what I have done, I was able to do because of your sacrifices—"

"—no. I didn't willingly sacrifice anything for this, Tamayo-san." There was happiness brimming in his heart, but he could still feel like he wants to cry.

Tamayo looked at him straight in his eyes.

"I was the one who approached you because I needed you. And, I can tell... that you may sacrifice so much more for this, and I would say that I wish you wouldn't sacrifice more, but I know that I cannot stop you."

That was true. This was— this was Tanjiro's oath to himself, as well as to those whom he had lost. Since he had seen the blood scattered around their humble home, since he had seen Nezuko lose herself because of the blood of that man. He had sworn to destroy whoever had done it.

If anything, this was the only thing he would willingly sacrifice. There was a large possibility that he will die, however, he knows, he knows that he will be able to regain the crown that had long been lost.

And, more than that.

More than that, more than his oath, more than his thoughts, he wanted to show how grateful he was to this person in front of him— for giving him this small flicker of hope, for giving him another reason to trust. 

"Please leave this to me, Tamayo-san, after you give me that, I will ensure that I will emerge victorious. Not for the humans, not for the demon slayers. But for Nezuko, my dearly beloved little sister. For Rui, who was not able to taste freedom. And for you two, who found me in the midst of all these tragedies— who have given me countless chances and opportunities— who I have grown to care about, though... I may only admit this once." He gave her a small, cheery chuckle. "I will do this for those whom I know as important." He smiled, his hand placed on his chest.)

Tanjiro had said those words because he had a hunch. That, if he would somehow fail or refuse, Tamayo would wound up executing the mission herself— and while she may be able to render Muzan unable to fight, she may not be able to ultimately defeat him, and simply making him weaker may even cost her life. If that happens, it would become another one of Tanjiro's regrets, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to bear looking at Yushiro ever again— knowing that those eyes may be filled with hatred and hurt at the betrayal.

(Tanjiro no longer wanted to regret.)

In fact, if anyone was selfish, it would be Tanjiro. He had only stuck by their side because it had benefits, and he was doing it only for Nezuko and Rui, while Yushiro was fighting for Tamayo, and Tamayo was fighting for Yushiro and the world that is shackled by Muzan.

"Tamayo-san," he spoke. Tamayo and Yushiro both turned to look at him, expectant of what he was going to say. "Yushiro, too."

"Just say it, stop dilly-dallying, idiot!"

"Haha, fine, fine." He smiled again, (it had become easier to smile, before he knew it). "Thank you. Thank you so much for this."

(...and then, Tanjiro allowed himself to cry.)

Tamayo held him, her small hands enveloping his body, but they were full of warmth.

And then, it was time.

Chapter Text

「Even if it hurts, even if you are in pain, you have no choice but to stand up.」

"I never thought you would actually go through this." Third chuckled hysterically. For some unknown reason, Tanjiro could hear the hesitation, the disbelief, the sadness from his voice, even when he had always had this firm belief that demons should be unable to feel such... humane emotions. "Then again, it's you, my darling, littlest brother - the one and only, Upper Moon Zero, who would always place his little sister over everything else."

Before he had come here, sworn to himself, and his allies, that he will not shed tears over the death of the demons that he had considered companions for the longest time, he still... he still couldn't help but feel such deep sorrow from hearing the third Upper Moon's heartfelt words. "I'm sorry," he shouldn't apologize, he knew this. This man in front of him - these demons should not deserve this, when they were the very cause of their agony - but, how could he think that they were unable to feel pain - the same pain that he could feel right now, when Tanjiro, himself, as well, was feeling such emotions? How could he continually deny the capabilities of this person in front of him, to feel as he feels? 

The salmon-haired male showed him a pained smile, his eyes scrunched in pain. "I had hoped, you know." Tanjiro looked straight at him, refusing to avert his eyes as he had always done so, not wishing to become attached, to feel something for these whom he was deemed to destroy. "Foolish as it may be, there was something in me that believed in the you that we had spent all this time with, that hoped - wished - that you would choose us, and if not us, then at the very least, me."

What else could Tanjiro say, truly? There were no words - he didn't know what he could say, what he must say. Should he tell him his true feelings? That he had truly wanted to choose this man currently meeting his gaze that he had refused to acknowledge for so long? "I..."

"Then again, I knew that your priority will always be your little sister." Akaza closed his eyes and sat down, as if finally accepting the finality of his death - his smiled remained. "Tanjiro, will you be able to destroy that man...?"

Tanjiro was not sure, to be most perfectly honest. He did not have enough confidence to say that he will be able to - he was unsure if he had enough strength. However, he knew that he was not alone in this endeavor - he had accepted the support of those whom he could trust, and he wanted to believe that he could defeat the progenitor of all demons, the beginning of all this tragedy. No, Tanjiro definitely will defeat Kibutsuji Muzan. He owed all those who had died, he owed Rui - and Akaza, that much - for he knew that his hands, stained with far too much blood, must be the one to end everything. "I will."

Then there was serenity in Akaza's features - there was peace and gratitude, and Tanjiro thought that he did not deserve this, because he could have done more, he could have tried to convince Akaza, he could have garnered more courage to help him survive, and he didn't. "Then, that's enough."

As Akaza's body slowly started to disintegrate - as his body started to burn to cinders, and the ashes fell like broken, glass shards - and in the gradual fall of those shattered shards, he saw his own heart, and the memories that he had wanted to dismiss - the time he spent with Akaza that truly made him feel as if the demon was his older brother. The burgundy-haired boy wanted to reach out, wanted to embrace him as he was never able to, because after this, these hands of his will never be able to feel the warmth of this man that was kind only to him. "Nii-chan." He spoke, all the previous hesitance disappearing. Why was it that only when it was time to part, that it was too late, when he was able to finally understand?

Then, it almost looked so unnatural - the tears cascading from Akaza's golden eyes - then his eyebrows furrowed, and he let out a small, sad, but relieved chuckle. "I never thought I'd be able to hear you say that." 

(And to Tanjiro, those tears were the ultimate proof to the meaning of Akaza's kindness.)

His lips formed a small, genuine smile. "Tanjiro. My little brother. This must have taken a lot of courage from you. There were plenty of storms, and there must have been a fairly large accumulation of pain in your heart - on behalf of everyone as well - I'd like to say thank you."

"I - I don't deserve your gratitude." Tanjiro felt so, because - "I could have done more, but I couldn't, because of my own inadequacy -"

Tanjiro felt strangely warm hands hold his right cheek, "oh, Tanjiro, ever so spiteful of yourself." Tanjiro looked up, and also saw warmth radiating from Akaza's embers. "弟, you really never notice how many adore you - so, my wish for you, is that you'll live your life, not only thinking of others, but yourself as well - and... understand, know, that you are loved. I wish for your happiness."

Tanjiro's eyes widened, the feeling of the warm hand long gone, noticing that most of Akaza's body had dissipated to burnt ash, he then pushed forward, wanting to give him a tight hug, "Nii-chan!" He let himself shout, allowing himself one selfish wish -

" Thank you, Tanjiro. "

- and then there was none.

(Just a while ago, Tanjiro would think this:

Once again, he's left alone. There was no one by his side, and his life, itself, was an accumulation of tragedy and the woes of fate. He would never be able to defy this, and he had made a plethora of wrong choices, including this one.

He had let another person whom he loved, whom he could have loved - slip away from his grasp. He would regret more, even when he had already made an oath to no longer regret. 

But this time, while he was really alone in this room, only the lingering pain and warmth from his older brother remaining, he had those gentle words in tow.

Upper Moon Three, Third, Akaza, his one and only, nii-chan, had said that his last wishes were for Tanjiro's happiness, for him to know that he was loved. So, how could he say that he was alone?

He always had so many people with him, staying by his side, loving him, but he just refused to notice, so he never understood.

For Akaza and Rui, and those that he had left - he would live his life.

Then, Tanjiro smiled through the tears, and turned his back from the script.)

"How impertinent." There was no mistaking that voice - there was only one man who could make those words sound so condescending and terrifying. There was only one man who could could completely reek of the smell of flesh and blood, seeming as if he was bathing in the blood of whom he has killed. There was only one man who could make Tanjiro's instincts scream to run, to bow down, at the same time. "You truly believe that you will be able to defeat me? You... an inferior existence infinitely beneath me?"

Ever since he had accepted this man's offer to become a demon for the sake of protecting Nezuko, Tanjiro knew - he understood that he was powerless. From that point on, his own world turned into monochrome, and he could no longer recognize what it was to feel happiness and joy, only relief and momentary peace. He had always yearned for salvation, but he knew that no one would go to such lengths for a man-eating demon who participates in massacre. 

He had lost his voice a very long time ago - he had lost the power to rebel, and only knew how to obey. He had thought, that no matter how loud he screamed, he would never be able to find the ending he longed for.

However, in the state of powerlessness, he found strength. In front of overwhelming power, he refused to yield. In the face of hopeless, he found hope.

(...he found hope that his world will once again regain what it had lost.)

These things that he had found, however insignificant they may seem in the eyes of a demon seemingly invincible, he would not surrender them for anything else. He found people that needed him, that recognized him, that understood him, that sought to understood him, and his courage, his persona, that had wilted when he was basked in solitude, when he thought that he could only live with loneliness - had started to grow again.

Tanjiro allowed himself a small, pleasant smile. He took slight satisfaction from the way Muzan's face seemed to contort in displeasure and looked appalled for a moment. "No, Kibutsuji Muzan." The demon seemed taken aback for an instant, but he immediately schooled his features back to the wrath his face always seemed to have whenever something that displeasures him arises. "I don't believe I can... but, I'm not alone in this battle."

He held his hand and placed it on his chest, serenely closing his eyes as he felt his heartbeat and heard the solemn voices of those who had entrusted their hopes to him. "Do you truly believe that those humans will bestow you the happiness you seem to desire?"

Tanjiro did not respond to his question, but he did look at the man's crimson eyes, looking as cruel as usual, and continued his statement. "I'm carrying the wishes of everyone else."

Muzan seethed. "And here I had believed that you had learnt your lesson after the death of that measly lower moon!" There was blatant patronizing and fury in his words. 

Tanjiro, with his newfound courage, found it in himself to giggle. I wonder how he would react if I told him that Rui leaving us was what helped me reach an ultimatum. Would he have said that it was a weakness? To care for another? Perhaps he would - after all, it didn't seem as if Kibutsuji Muzan knew the concept of caring, and being cared for. Perhaps, was the reason for Muzan's contempt for humans because of an unspeakable past where no one made him feel loved? Was it because there were humans much more terrifying than demons?

...then again, even if he might have had a traumatizing past, that would never be any reason to hurt anyone else.

There was never any reason to repeat the cycle, after all.

Making his resolve, Tanjiro moved to form his stance, and readied himself for his final battle.

"Why did you stand in pursuit of immortality, Muzan-sama?" The form of address may seem an insult to other people, but this was something that Tanjiro had grown accustomed to. He knew that Muzan was undeserving of any form of respect, but there was this inkling inside him that urged him to respect the man. Perhaps it was his instinct as a demon, perhaps it was a side of him that believed he and Muzan could have become family if they had only been able to understand one another. 

Tanjiro sat beside Muzan, aware of the possibility that the demon may murder him right on the spot. However, Tanjiro trusted Tamayo and her sheer intelligence that could overpower this man. Muzan was immobilized right now because of the drug invented by Tamayo, the antidote to turn demons back to humans. The one that Tamayo administered for Nezuko to return to being human. 

As Muzan grunted in pain in front of him, Tanjiro looked at him and felt that this man who had made him kneel down to him more than once, was currently powerless. He seemed to have no desire to answer him, gritting his teeth as he was forced to endure the excruciating pain of turning to something he found inferior. 

"You truly are an ungrateful pest."

For the first time in his life, Tanjiro found himself looking down upon the Kibutsuji Muzan, and he raised his sword. "This then, Muzan-sama, is the final blow."

Then, the eternal battle against Kibutsuji Muzan had reached a conclusion - but while Tanjiro should have been happy, he found himself shedding tears of bitterness instead.

How many sacrifices had been needed for them to reach this point?

At the beginning, Tanjiro thought he already had everything he could have wished for. He had a family that loved him, and he loves in turn. He couldn't have wished for anything else. True, their lifestyle had not been that best, but Tanjiro found it in himself to be content, and Tanjiro was happy.

Then, when he returned to his home and smelled copper, he thought that he had lost everything. Then, there was Nezuko, and he found a reason to keep living. It was painful, to have to kill in order to protect the one he had left, but he could bear the pain. Rui then found him, and he realized that he could have a family again. He met Akaza, and though he had been reluctant to accept him, there was something inside him that knew that he loved him.

When he lost Rui, he lost another light in his life.

But before that, he met Tamayo and Yushiro - and he held on the hope that they gave him. He found humans that believed him, that wanted to trust him, despite him being a demon - one that they must slay.

He met all these people - and realized that living happy was not just a pipe dream.

A week before he and the demon slayer corps had raided the Infinity Fortress, after he had talked with Tamayo and Yushiro and told them of his resolution - of his decision, he had attempted to contact the Ubuyashiki family, and the pillars as well.

Most of them looked at him with contempt and hate, but Ubuyashiki had managed to convince them to trust him. Even with his attempts of convincing them, however, there were still many who had refused to trust him as he had been the reason for the death of one of them. 

They still chose to trust him and this plan - because this was the best shot that they had. Tanjiro only had one request from them, that he should be the one to handle Akaza and Muzan. The other upper moons, he left to them. Although he did want to talk to the others like Kokushibo, who seemed to look at him as if he was someone precious to him - he didn't think he could handle more than the two he had previously stated.

He told them that he would accept any punishment they see fit for him, if ever they still wanted to avenge their lost comrades - he would be fine with having them behead him, he would not resist even if they sought to destroy him, so long as they would accept his sister and protect him in his place.

Kyojuro and Giyuu's presence helped. Though they might have been enemies, their presence brought comfort to Tanjiro.

When he had dealt the final blow to Muzan, and the strongest and most cruel of all demons had perished, Tanjiro saw his memories. He saw the sheer powerlessness of a man with his fate decided, and with no ways of altering it. He had sympathized with the young child, whom, ever since he was born, was never able to do anything he wanted, because of the fragility of his body. He looked at this Muzan who had just desperately wanted to live, and wondered how he could have turned out to the demon he was right now. 

This was the answer to his question - this was why Muzan was obsessed with immortality. Muzan was not afraid of being alone, because ever since he was born, he was alone. He was alone in his battle against destiny, and he did not have anyone who he could trust, whom he could share his worries with, whom he could rely on. He did not have anyone who could truly be with him.

If Muzan had a companion, would he have turned out differently?

He had always been afraid of death - perhaps because he felt as if he was never able to live before he had gained this power that had ultimately doomed him.

(but did Muzan gain some sort of happiness from being immortal?)

He probably had enough of the demands of fate, and similar to Tanjiro, had chosen to defy it.

But their choices were infinitely different.

Perhaps this was Muzan only thought of himself until the end, but Tanjiro thought of others and never himself.

Tanjiro wondered, if he had shared Muzan's dreams of eternity, could he have altered Muzan's fate as well?

But then, Tanjiro wouldn't have wanted eternity - for to live eternally is to be condemned to a life of loneliness and solitude.

It was truly ironic that it was Tanjiro, who Muzan cursed with this fate, had been the one to conquer the sun instead of him.

(but could Tanjiro have been Muzan's friend, at the very least?)

(Tanjiro prayed. He prayed that in another life, Rui would find family, Kokushibo would be able to live with the one whose presence he continually yearns for, Akaza would not lose his precious people, and Muzan would have a companion in his life instead of fighting alone.

He prayed that he could be part of their lives, and not as their enemy.)

Until the end of his battle with destiny, Tanjiro still thinks of other people - even those who had condemned him to this fate.

Chapter Text

「No matter how beaten you are, there is something you have to protect.」

It was the aftermath of the great battle. There had been many who had suffered great injuries, but no lives were lost... yet. Though he may not have the right, Tanjiro hoped that there would be no casualties from the side of the humans. They had deserved this much - after losing so much from this battle with the demons that they most likely thought would never reach an end. He hoped that they could return to their homes, to the people waiting for them. He hoped that they would find a future after this battle.

Tanjiro had been lost for the longest time. He couldn't even think of how long he had been lost anymore. It felt like forever. Many would say that it was alright, to feel lost. But the thing was, he didn't just feel lost, he knew that he was lost. He didn't know where he was headed, he didn't know what he could do, what he must do, what he was supposed to do. Everything was stagnant, static, and there was never any changes in the script. There was pain, more pain, then tragedy. He would find hope, then he would lose it. It had been an endless cycle of pain and tears. 

When he had accepted Muzan's offer, he understood that there would be no way out. There would be no turning back. This was an offer that would seal his fate, and bind him to this man for a long time - perhaps eternally, but he didn't have any other choice, so he went along with what the script had in store for him. His own pain and suffering did not matter so long as he could protect Nezuko, the only one he had left.

As he continued to live, he found more reasons to continue on. He lost many things, and he never felt that he was the master of his own fate. It was difficult, but it didn't matter, because he just wanted to see those precious to him happy.

He had long since given up, so he didn't think that he would be able to achieve this. He never thought that these blood-stained hands of his, undeserving of glory, honor, and joy, would be able to embrace this... this happiness, this form of contentedness. He had thought it was natural, for him to suffer on the hands of Kibutsuji Muzan, and he had thoughts of defying the man, but he thought he would never be able to act on those thoughts, those inner desires - because he had not the courage to do so.

But here he was, standing atop this glory that he knew he didn't deserve. Here he was, looking at the smile of his one and only, most precious little sister. Here he was, basking in the happiness that he never thought he would have again.

"Onii-chan!" Nezuko called out with a bright smile, and as he looked at her, Tanjiro thought that perhaps this was the sun. "Onii-chan? Did you cry?"

He did, didn't he? He was weak, but he was also strong at the same time. He was able to have strength because of Nezuko, and everyone who had given him their trust.

For this, perhaps he would be eternally grateful.

No - there was no doubt.

He would be eternally grateful for this. Not to whoever was watching them from above, but to those who had actually been with him, and helped him go against the script, like he had desired so much.

There was a possibility that their battle will continue. There was a large chance that humans even more cruel than the demons he had encountered would threaten their future.

Perhaps this was the reason why he had refused Tamayo's offer of the antidote, and instead told her to only give it to Nezuko - because he was afraid that he would not be strong enough without the power of a demon. Perhaps it was not, perhaps it was just because he wanted to hold those whom he had lost - Rui and Akaza, most specially - close to his heart, perhaps because this was the only thing he had left that reminded him of them.

Nevertheless, for now, this is the end of Tanjiro's battle.

Until the time comes when this future of theirs would be threatened, he would lay low with his family.

Tanjiro honestly thought that they would behead him. If not, at least do something to avenge their lost comrades, but he only received a slap and a punch, for some reason. While he was glad that he was not killed, yes, he still did not consider that they would not do much when he had caused so much pain.

Most of all, the words that came out of their mouths was unprecedented - after all, they had thanked him, instead of being furious with him. There was nothing to thank him for - he had done almost nothing for them, helping them end this fight was only a responsibility, and he most likely wouldn't have gotten involved if he didn't have any connection to it. It was the most he could have done for all this people who have continued to fight despite all the risks of death and loss.

After all of them walked away, the flame pillar remained to talk to him. 

"Are you thinking that you don't deserve our gratitude?" 

Tanjiro flinched, not expecting that question. There were a lot of unexpected things happening to him today - "...why do you say that?"

Kyojuro gave a small chuckle. "You seem like the type of person who would always help someone else, but never think of yourself."

"I - I'm not!" Tanjiro insisted. "This - all of this, cooperating with you and the rest of the demon slayer corps, all of this was out of my own selfishness, and for my own sake! I most certainly did not do it for other people."

"But you could have chosen to not do anything." Kyojuro was blunt. "Regardless, you did something, and because of this, the deaths of all those people were not meaningless. You saved a lot of people from suffering, and you gave peace to those who lost people they love. Kamado, you are as human as any of us. I cannot forgive you for being the reason for the loss of many of our comrades, but I understand that you were also a victim in this - and... I hope that you would find happiness in this world that was born because of you."

Tanjiro wanted to laugh at how similar Kyojuro's words was to Akaza's final ones. "I... understand." 

"Good."

"Rengoku-san!" When Kyojuro smiled and turned to leave, Tanjiro found himself calling out. "Thank you." 

Kyojuro's eyes widened - maybe it was because he didn't expect such a bright smile to find its way in Tanjiro's features. He waved in farewell, "I hope we meet again, Kamado, in this future that you were able to create."

Tanjiro looked at Nezuko smiling with Inosuke and Zenitsu, neither of them looking at him differently because he was a demon. Occasionally, Zenitsu would profess his 'undying feelings of love' to Nezuko, the latter not realizing what he means, simply thanking him for his 'affections', and Inosuke would fearlessly approach him as if seeking a challenge, then proclaim that he is his 'rival' and they should 'spar'. In these small moments, Tanjiro finds himself able to smile.

It's in these small occurrences that Tanjiro is able to firmly say that he is happy, and he is glad to be here.

He could have died plenty of times, he could have lost himself, he could have disappeared because he was still a demon by the time he defeated Muzan. When he first basked in the sunlight, it was a gamble - he could have disappeared right there, at that moment in time.

Before, Tanjiro would have said that it didn't matter. After all, he didn't exactly desire to live. In fact, there were points when he wished he could just die, but he knew what was at stake. He sought death because he wanted peace - because he wanted the pain to stop, but he couldn't, he still had his reasons to continue to live, so, he did. He thought that it would be fine even if he was dead, so long as Nezuko would live.

Looking back, he was glad that he chose to live. He was glad that he refused to give up. He was glad that he still had reasons to continue - because right now, he wouldn't know what to do without this happiness he was currently feeling.

Allowing himself a smile, Tanjiro stood up. "Onii-chan?" Nezuko called out, worried. "Where are you going?"

"Just for a walk, Nezuko." Nezuko reluctantly nodded, though still concerned about his behavior. He couldn't blame her for that, honestly, since a lot of things had happened.

When he reached a certain distance from the group, Tanjiro closed his eyes, and whispered. "Please watch over us, Father, Mother, Takeo, Hanako, Shigeru, Rokuta." He looked up, staring at the azure sky that seemed to look back at him. "Rui, Akaza. From henceforth, I swear to you -"

"- I swear to you that wherever I may go, I will no longer be lost, for I have the map with me, for I have your words that will always guide me."

Chapter Text

「At the end of idyllic dream drawn by a powerful downpour,

I walked on, trembling with drenched shoulders.」

a. tanjiro and nezuko

Tanjiro harbored guilt in his every breath.

It was worse on nights when it rained, and the sounds of thunder and raging storms were deafening. Tanjiro's instinct was to wrap his arms around himself at these dusks, imploring for the tumultuous blows to halt. His heartbeats seemed to resonate with the sounds, pulsating resoundingly without stopping.

Every night, he was engulfed in the illusions (or memories?) that his mind conceived, probing his deepest guilts. He drowned in nightmares that consisted of his sins, his past transgressions — an agonizing reminder of those he had killed, of the blood he had consumed, of those that had been at the receiving end of his blade — of errors he would not be able to reverse. He heard voices begging him to stop, those whispering to him to repent for what he had done and condemning him to a fate worse than death. It might have been punishment, an unending, grim reminder of who he had been, of what he had done. Every night, he is continually haunted by unceasing blades directed at his psyche, by the ghost of Kibutsuji Muzan that would never disappear.

He should have known this would happen. After all, the wounds the man had engraved in his heart had been far too plunging to dismiss.

He wakes up, shuddering in terror.

All along, his greatest adversary had been himself.

Tanjiro had missed peace.

He could not admit this to himself since the day he turned to a man-eating demon, following the rules and standards given by the terror that had never stopped haunting him, even after he had perished at Tanjiro's hands.

It had been years since he was able to walk around the towns candidly without the weight of the progenitor of demons' gaze befalling him. He had invariably been uncomfortable around bustling metropolises like Asakusa. Yet, villages that had sceneries of routine serene occurrences in individuals' daily lives that were not overcrowded were somehow soothing to him. Whenever they dwelled in such towns, Tanjiro could relish in the normality that had been absent from his life for so long — even if he was only employing a pretense of being ordinary.

But occasionally, he glances at the populace and ponders — what if all of a sudden, the terrible urge to consume and destroy would return? What if he would again cause chaos in his wake, becoming a tempest threatening peace? What if those red, red, eyes would return and take that which he loved so dearly again? What if nothing he did had meaning?

Tanjiro is one of the few demons left in this world, and that should bring him reassurance that no demons will threaten the land he walks on — but instead, it evolves to a source of fear that he may become like the man that he detested — a calamity that brings forth an incessant hurricane.

He was incredibly afraid, but he was doing his best.

It was difficult to mingle with humans at first. After all, he could not even measure his time as a demon. These humans had been the prey of the creature he was, they were considered foes by these humans, and many of his kind had preferred to become demons because of what humans had done. Make no doubt, Tanjiro knew that humans were not the epitome of kindness. He had encountered many much crueler than demons, so much so that they could be considered even more monstrous than them. However, Tanjiro had also met many kind ones with comforting scents and a warmth that one could rarely feel from a demon. But that was the same for demons — not all of them were necessarily cruel. Admittedly, their desires to destroy, to kill, to consume had consumed most of them, but there were some that Tanjiro had ended up considering a family, no matter how much he refrained from doing so.

Thus, Tanjiro knew that not all sides were black and white — and conceivably, by choosing to save his sister by exterminating most of the demon race, he had decided to side with humans. Nevertheless, this was not Tanjiro's intention — he had only done that because he wanted freedom — because he wanted his sister's freedom. It was not for some noble desire to save the world or the human race as a whole. He merely found it significantly more efficient to destroy what had been threatening them all along rather than eradicate the humans by the side of that man.

(Nonetheless, it was true that humanity deserved a chance to overthrow their opponents after being overwhelmed by the leverage of the demon race for centuries. Moreover, even if he had regretted destroying some upper moons that he had cared about, his choice to eradicate demonkind had brought smiles upon the faces of some demon slayers he had grown quite fond of despite constantly reminding himself not to become attached.)

Tanjiro did want to interact with other people, but he was so, so afraid — and he did not deserve to do what he wanted after all that he had done. In times like this, when Tanjiro's doubts flood his reason, Nezuko softly holds his hand as if giving him a nudge, and he uncovers a small portion of courage from her. So, he takes a step forward.

"Hello," he greeted with his ever-present smile. The woman before him seemed somehow enamored by something because her gaze was fixed on him, slack-jawed, but Tanjiro did not know what exactly fascinated her so. It seemed as if she was preoccupied enough not to hear his voice, so he reiterated. "Hello?"

The woman blinked as if surprised that she had not been paying attention, her eyebrows raising. "Oh my, I'm sorry, hello!" She smiled back, "I was simply distracted. What a handsome young man!"

Flustered, Tanjiro felt heat creep up his cheeks, not expecting that he was the reason why the fruit seller was distracted. He coughed into his hand, making sure to regain his equilibrium so that he would not stammer upon speaking. After regaining his composure, he said, "What flattery, madam." He gave her a polite smile again, the one Nezuko told him she liked seeing on him, "I must admit, you're quite dashing yourself."

The woman chuckled, amused. "Quite a sweet-talker as well, are you?" She then gathered a few fruits from her stall, "as compensation for the sight you've given me today, feel free to take these fruits!"

"O— oh, I couldn't." Tanjiro stuttered uncharacteristically. This was genuinely unexpected. He had never thought that someone would show him this sort of kindness, for what, just for seeing his face?

"Now, now, don't be shy, young man!" The woman gently urged him to take the basket of fruits, her eyes and nose crinkling in delight, "Why not think of this as a kindness that you must pass on to another, if that would make you feel more comfortable accepting this?" Still reluctant, Tanjiro responded. "I guess... that may be fine." He proceeded to accept the basket, "I will never forget this gesture of kindness, madam. Thank you very much."

Tanjiro still did not know if he had made the right choice, nor did he know if his life would get better due to his will. Tanjiro was confident that he did what he had done for his sister's sake and not for anyone else — but perhaps, it was a good thing. Above all, it had allowed him to have the chance to feel this sort of kindness for once in his life. After expressing his gratitude, he turned his back and walked away with Nezuko, and he might have felt something wet slide down from his eyes.

Nezuko loved her onii-chan.

Her older brother's kindness is limitless. This is a fact that Nezuko has known ever since they were much, much younger, and it has remained a truth even after all the tribulations that he has faced. Her older brother would always take the fall for everything. He worked his hardest to help them survive. He trekked down the mountains despite the freezing winter to scrape for resources for their daily life. He was most formidable in the face of those who threatened to jeopardize their peace. Even before everything, he had already continually risked his life for their family.

Nezuko had forever wished to share the burden because as she stared at her older brother's broad back, carrying the world on his shoulders, a weight too heavy for one person to be responsible for, she felt so sad and helpless. Before the world she sees with her rose-colored eyes has been transformed entirely into an utter mess, her dear sibling was not against sharing his responsibilities with them; he did not need to be coerced or convinced before he willingly allowed them to take part.

That night, when everything was painted with ominous red, and there was an orchestra of screams from familiar voices and an unyielding scent of copper, Nezuko had been grateful that Tanjiro had gone to get coal, and she beseeched with all her soul that he would not return, that at the very least, he will remain alive. She wondered if it was cruel of her to wish for something that would certainly encumber him with accountability, and her onii-chan would no doubt blame himself, but she also thought — what if it would relieve the weight he harbors on his shoulders? Forgive her for wanting to consider such optimistic introspections in the face of her impending cessation. Still, if her life could be exchanged for her brother's happiness, she would gladly tear her vitality apart just for his sake.

Yet, yet, perhaps that was one thing that the two of them had in common — the fact that no one had ever listened to what they earnestly wished for, and somehow, the worst outcomes always seemed to occur instead.

Her viewpoint blurred, and she did not gain a profound comprehension of what transpired afterward. What she did know, however, was that her brother did return — and they were saved by this man with unnerving crimson orbs (or, that was what she thought she knew).

When she opened her eyes to the truth, she felt so powerless. Her brother was forced to submission because of her existence, and their supposed savior held their lives in his cruel hands. He was being forced to do unspeakable things as every insubordination was a gamble with her life. Tanjiro was walking towards his gradual destruction because Nezuko's life was being used as collateral to threaten him. Nezuko hated that she only augmented the burden that he carried, even when all she had hoped for was to diminish that burden. She contemplated if that was too much to wish for, to just be a reason for his solace, at least once in her life, because it appeared as if all the world was conspiring against the two of them and their desire to protect each other.

Deep down, she also speculated on why he hadn't told her — did he assume she would not trust him? Did he think that that man was still sustaining her life, and that was why he withheld from conveying his apprehensions? Did he not have confidence in her? She deliberated about when she and her brother had grown so far apart — when the rift between them had begun to form. She wondered how she never noticed that her brother rarely smiled anymore, especially when it seemed so evident, so obvious, as she looked at him and his slumped shoulders, on how he buried his face in his hands, as if ashamed of what he did.

Many thoughts had been unrelentingly raging in her mind when Tanjiro told him of the truth and the plan. She was relieved, knowing that she was trusted enough to be part of the plan he had so carefully constructed, but she couldn't shake off the thoughts of powerlessness. But she was part of this and would not let her brother down. She would not let her brother suffer any longer. She would fight for her brother and has always fought for his happiness.

But her onii-chan would not be happy alone, so perhaps she would work for their happiness instead.

Her nii-chan had always protected them. He had always been their singular, extraordinary hero. Now it was her turn to protect him.

Nezuko sincerely believed that her brother did not need to apologize for anything. It was Nezuko who should beg for forgiveness for being unable to stand by his side when he needed her most, for being what chained him down to the man she now abhorred more than anything else. But Nezuko understood that her elder brother would not want her to apologize, that she would break his heart if she did so, and she no longer wanted sadness to overtake their lives. Possibly one day, she would be able to forgive herself. 

"I'm sorry, onii-chan." She told her brother one soundless night as he awoke from one of the horrendous nightmares that never ceased to torment him. 

"What...? What are you apologizing for?" He asked him as he tilted his head in confusion. 

"I'm sorry that I did not know," she began. "I'm sorry that I could not do anything." She softly articulated, careful not to startle her brother. She could feel the tears amassing in her eyes as her vision became more unclear. "I'm sorry for letting you bear this burden alone – I... I should have been there for you. I should have realized it sooner – I shouldn't have let that man manipulate me just like that! I should have – there were so many things I could have done with you, but I didn't – all because I didn't doubt him, because I was weak, and I – I –"

"Nezuko, you couldn't have –" Before she knew it, she was enveloped in a familiar, delicate embrace. She could not contain the tears that burst out. "There's nothing to apologize for, Nezuko." He had confidently declared, "It was not your fault for not knowing — nothing is your fault."

"It may not have been! But – but I was part of the reason why you had it harder, why you almost fell apart – I didn't even notice how you were falling apart, you're my older brother – I'm your... little sister, I should know to protect you as you protect me! I'm not... I shouldn't have been such a helpless damsel in distress – I should have held your hand as you walked through all those obstacles, as you fought against them, baring your fangs!" Her voice quivered as she felt gentle pats on her back as if he was ushering her to calm. "In this world – you're the only one I have left, nii-chan, so... so please, forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive, Nezuko, when you haven't done anything to fault me."

Nezuko would make it up to her brother — then perhaps, one day, he would be able to smile as freely as he did when they were innocent children, bonding under the warm gazes of their mother and father. And only then will Nezuko be able to forgive herself.

Tanjiro has yet to attain complete freedom. The shackles vested on him by that man persisted in chaining him.

He has yet to find peace.

He has nightmares every night. About whom he has lost — about whom he had killed. About what could have been —

Tanjiro is still living in anguish,

but he has his little sister.

His little sister, who would occasionally whisper to him.

It's alright, it's alright. I'm here —

Nezuko, who would gently hold his hand, who would cradle him as if he was a child, like how an older sister would; who whispered a small oath that she might have thought was not audible —

It's my turn to protect you, onii-chan. She would say. And no, his sins are not washed away; his fear does not go away. But he does find a semblance of comfort within her words, and as he feels the undeniable warmth, so different from the freezing cold that was emitted from every life he let fade, he finds consolation in the understanding that Nezuko was alive — that he was at least, able to save one life.

He would ask himself, was I able to give meaning to my life?

He would ask Nezuko, have I done well?

and Nezuko would say, of course you have.

b. zenitsu and tanjiro

Since the day Zenitsu met Tanjiro, he had always wanted to have a heart-to-heart talk with him. However, he understood that what he wished for was nearly impossible, seeing as they belonged on opposite sides. They were perhaps — although this Zenitsu would never say this out loud because it seemed so dramatic of him to say — fated to slay the other.

The thing is, despite being aware that Tanjiro was a demon, and demons are evil, he still could not bring himself to think of the image where he was the one killing Tanjiro. This may be selfish of him to say, but if Tanjiro needed to be slayed, then he would prefer not to be the one to do it, and hopefully, it would not be done in front of Zenitsu. This was such a cowardly thing to think, Zenitsu knew — and he hated how cowardly he was. But you see, Zenitsu did not want to see Tanjiro die, strange as that may be. If there was an attempt on Tanjiro's life in front of him, Zenitsu might even end up engaging in a taboo, defending this demon with that he was not supposed to feel a sense of camaraderie.

Zenitsu just wished that Tanjiro wasn't a demon in the first place, that they were fighting on the same side, having each other's backs instead. Zenitsu would not have been able to bear the loss of such a unique kind of sound that radiated so much kindness, and he wanted to, at least once, hear Tanjiro's sound when it did not have a sliver of sadness — when it was not trembling of fear of something hidden. He had already admitted to himself in the past that the other's sound had soothed him, had continually made him feel safe; and, if the times would pass and he would be allowed to unceasingly bask beneath that sound, then he would feel an immense amount of relief.

It was a spur-of-the-moment decision for Zenitsu to try to find the village where Tanjiro and Nezuko were currently located. He had wanted to give up at one point because their location seemed to be completely untraceable, to the golden-haired boy's dismay. He questioned himself why he was making this pilgrimage for a person that he barely knew, but there was this urge within him, a voice telling him to follow, urging him to find that boy that possessed such a lonely sound.

He was really, really about to give up. The scorching sun was too much, and he ended up collapsing to the ground. But then, there was a familiar voice coaxing him to wake up, and when he opened his eyes, he saw burgundy eyes. Startled, he forced himself to stand up, now finally able to see the man he had been looking for such a long time—

—and... who was that exquisite beauty standing beside the boy? She looked so mesmerizing that Zenitsu was speechless for a moment. His golden eyes met hers, and she continued gazing at him. Then, Zenitsu presumed — oh, wow! This girl might like me, too, with how passionately she stares at me!

Without a moment's delay, he clutched the beauty's hand, "oh, my fair lady," he expressed with the most confidence he could muster, "could you please marry me? I may not be able to survive any longer without your elegant beauty blessing my eyes!" Upon examining the girl's features, Zenitsu came to the realization that he had met this girl before, although they were never formally introduced to one another, during the quest against the demonkind.

Judging from how she tilted her head, the girl appeared bewildered, and Zenitsu was about to further converse with her before he was interrupted, "What are you doing, Zenitsu-san?"

Suddenly remembering why he was here in the first place, Zenitsu aborted what he was about to say. "My lady, if you would please wait for me, I would like to talk more later... so that you could know me better, and I, you."

She looked at Tanjiro as if asking something, and the burgundy-haired male just chuckled jovially. "You could talk later if you want?" The former upper moon told her.

"I guess... I wouldn't mind...?"

Zenitsu could almost celebrate in happiness. This was a success if he was to be asked! But now that it was decided that he would be able to talk to the beautiful lady at another moment, he needed to speak with the boy beside her first. "Hello, Upper Moon Zero."

Perhaps calling him by that title was a mistake because Tanjiro, along with the girl beside him, flinched, and the former's expression suddenly became guarded. The girl seemed worried, "onii-chan, are you alright?" She whispered to him.

The boy she addressed fidgeted, "Yes, thank you, Nezuko."

So Nezuko was the girl's name! And Zenitsu was accurate in his judgment that she is Tanjiro's younger sibling.

"I'm sorry, was I wrong for calling you that?"

"Oh, don't worry about it." He reassured. "To reintroduce myself — I am Kamado Tanjiro, Zenitsu-san, I already call you by your given name, so perhaps it would be more proper for you to call me by mine as well."

"Oh," Zenitsu blinked. "I see, then... Tanjiro, you should drop the -san as well. I mean —" he suddenly strumbled, flustered. "In our previous meetings, you already had enough audacity to call me without honorifics! What changed now, you idiot!" This guy had the nerve to call him Zenitsu, Zenitsu, hey Zenitsu, only from their second encounter, and now he feels like he shouldn't?! What's up with that?

For some reason, Tanjiro did not seem to expect his words. "I understand... Zenitsu," he spoke as if testing the name on his lips. "Were you... looking for us?" Zenitsu also noticed that Tanjiro seemed less confident and unsure, unlike how he behaved in their previous meetings.

"I was! How did you know?" Tanjiro grimaced, his eyes narrowing, "Oh, I'm not looking for you for something bad, honest! I just... wanted to talk to you."

"You did?" Tanjiro stood still. "I see, then I'll have Nezuko wait for us, hm?"

When Tanjiro asked him, "So, what did you want to talk about, Zenitsu?" Zenitsu honestly did know what to say because even he, himself, did not understand why he wanted to reach out to this boy in front of him.

"Um," he spluttered, avoiding eye contact, "well, how are you?"

"How are we...?" Tanjiro seemed amused at that question, "we're doing well, unexpectedly. Granted, we had struggled a lot while adjusting, but now we are fairly... stable, and Nezuko's happiness makes everything worth it."

Nezuko's happiness? Zenitsu was glad that that person was happy, but he couldn't help but notice that Tanjiro referred to his sister singularly, as if he was not thinking of his own regard — "how about you, your happiness?" He ended up asking.

"My happiness?" He looked genuinely confused, his brows furrowing — and Zenitsu felt a peculiar discomfort in his chest because how hurt did someone have to be? How selfless did someone have to be to not think of their own happiness and think of someone else's, first and foremost? Zenitsu contemplated if Tanjiro had ever lived for himself or had only lived solely for the sake of other people. "My happiness, hm," he reiterated, "Zenitsu," upon the address, Zenitsu's eyes met with Tanjiro's. "Do you think I deserve happiness?"

There it was again, that incredibly lonely sound accompanied by guilt. It pained Zenitsu to realize, with his keen sense of hearing, that the man was not lying — that he was honestly questioning if he deserved such a thing. This was not an attempt at gaining someone's pity, Tanjiro was not that kind of person, and Zenitsu could see that he was being candid with the way Tanjiro maintained eye contact with him, and his eyes seemed so desolate, "Is there someone who doesn't deserve happiness?" He asked.

At that, Tanjiro gave him a bitter smile. Upon closer look, Zenitsu could see that he was gripping his fists tightly and was on the verge of bleeding. Zenitsu wanted to tell him, stop, Tanjiro, you're hurting yourself; instead, he chose to wait for Tanjiro's response. "Of course there are. Some people only wish to bring harm to this world and those residing in it, which is only detrimental to the world's serenity. There are those who only work towards their own means. There are those who do not deserve to live before not deserving happiness—"

"—and are you one of those people?"

"Of course, I do not deserve to even live—"

"That's not what I meant!" Zenitsu exclaimed, imploring Tanjiro to understand, "are you one of those people who you claim do not deserve happiness — do you want only to harm others?"

"Of course not, but I am exceedingly selfish, doing everything just for the sake of what I want—"

"You mean what you want for the people you care about, don't you?"

"Yes, I do, but regardless, this is still about what I want—"

"—thinking about others. Is that not a form of kindness, Tanjiro?"

Tanjiro's eyes widened.

"And... Is it so bad to only consider what you want? There are people who in this world already having difficulty in chasing what they want, let alone think of what is for the good of the general public."

Come to think of it; such a great burden was placed on this person's shoulders. All that, and Zenitsu and he seemed to be of the same age. Zenitsu couldn't imagine walking the same path as Tanjiro, being able to bear the sadness that comes along a lonely trail.

"It has never been your responsibility to do things for the world, Tanjiro! Don't blame yourself for not thinking of the world while you desperately tried to save your sister despite everything that hindered you!" When so many adults could do something, why was such a problematic responsibility forced on people who did not deserve to suffer? Why did someone like Tanjiro, of all people, who seemed never to have even gotten the chance to live a normal life for a long time, be the one to carry this burden? "Why are you wavering now? When we first met, you had such resolve! You were determined! Tanjiro, you helped Inosuke and me despite being strangers. You looked as if... as if you wanted companions! Your sound reached my ears repeatedly, and all this time, it conveyed to me that you did not want to hurt us at all, that you were refraining from being our friend to protect us. And when we first met, you felt so... sad." You were so full of contradictions that I didn't know what to believe.

"That's... true, I did not allow myself to become any closer to you guys because I did not want to hurt you," Tanjiro's gaze darted away, looking resigned. "However, it's true that I could have done something earlier, you know, that I could have made an attempt on Kibutsuji Muzan's life before more sacrifices had been made."

"I'm sure you chose the best time to do it."

Tanjiro seemed surprised at his words. "I —"

Zenitsu did not let him refute his words again, "You might have had no choice! With your selflessness, it wouldn't be unexpected if you tried to think of multiple plans where you could save everyone that you cared about, where you could save the most that you could!" He fearlessly gripped Tanjiro's shirt and forced him to look into his eyes. "I'm right, aren't I?"

"You are." He softly whispered. In a blink, Zenitsu felt warm arms wrap around him. He felt gentle pats on his back, "please don't cry, Zenitsu." It was only then that he realized that he was crying. He did not even recognize when he had started crying, but all he could hear was the faint throbbing of Tanjiro's heart, and gradually, he found himself calming down even as tears continued to cascade from his eyes.

"You know, Tanjiro," he began, "Sometimes, I end up thinking that if I close my eyes, I could shield myself from the irrational fear that I constantly feel. I get easily scared, and I'm not as brave as you are. If I were in your position, I doubt I would be able to survive. I doubt I would be able to consider other people."

"Is that so?" Tanjiro said, "But you don't have to close your eyes anymore to be strong, do you? You're already strong enough in my eyes. You're brave enough — braver than I."

Aahh, this is so unfair, Tanjiro. I nearly stopped crying — but you... "Tanjiro, you may think that no one will understand why you chose this path of carnage — but I swear to you that I do. Despite this, I know that never be able to comprehend the being that you are thoroughly. I can't even understand how you can call me braver than you, when I know that I'm a coward—"

Tanjiro moved back, and a gentle gaze regarded Zenitsu. "—you are not a coward, Zenitsu. I assure you that you are one of the bravest people that I had the pleasure to encounter." Wasn't Zenitsu the one who was speaking words of wisdom here — how did the tables turn—"Perhaps, in another life — in a world where peace reigned and cruelty does not triumph, I would be able to proudly say that I would love to be your friend."

Zenitsu thought, Then why not be my friend now? Why not think of possibilities that may never occur? Why think of chances that have not been granted to us— "

"However, my hands are stained with so much blood — and it may very well be my atonement to refrain from doing so."

"But Tanjiro," Zenitsu's eyes scrunched in pain, "do you know that... you are... kind?"

Tanjiro laughed. "You're not the first person to tell me that, you know," he looked away, to someplace far away — "but I am far from kind." — and it felt like he was going to slip from Zenitsu's grasp, that he was about to disappear any moment now, and Zenitsu would never be able to convey what he wanted to say—

"—the sound of your breathing, of your heartbeat, so carefully methodical — with all the pain so carefully hidden. This is embarrassing to say, but your sound is beautifully mesmerizing — even if your thoughts are in disarray, you manage to keep the chaos within your sound in bay." And this was embarrassing, and he knew that he was mumbling random things that he could think of, but if it were these genuine thoughts that he needed to say to make him stay, to keep him from going far away, then Zenitsu would not be ashamed of saying these— "We cannot reverse what you have done, Tanjiro. However, you gave humans this new start. So, why not let yourself have a fresh start as well?"

Tanjiro gave him a genuine smile. "Do you really believe that I deserve this?"

"I do!" He vehemently stated, "And this time, why not harness the kindness residing within you? Instead of thinking that refraining from trying to gain happiness is your atonement, let the kindness within you flourish, and allow yourself to share it with others?"

"That's a terribly good idea." Zenitsu could feel the negative dimensions of Tanjiro's sound slowly fade away, though there were still those that persistently remained — refusing to let go. "And, and," Zenitsu gathered all the courage he had to say—"why not wait for another life if you want to call me a friend? Why not now?"

For a moment there, Tanjiro's eyes lit up, sparkling like the sun.

"This time, perhaps, Tanjiro, would you allow me to be your friend?" He continued, "Or... brother in law?"

Then, Tanjiro made a face reminiscent of their first meeting — a look of pure disgust. "Brother... in-law...?"

"Wah— why are you looking at me like that again! Stop it!"

They stared at each other for a while after that, and they erupted in laughter.

The sound of Tanjiro's laugh was so beautiful that it made Zenitsu's heart dance with happiness. Perhaps he could encourage Tanjiro to make more friends, initiate a re-encounter with Inosuke, who had been itching for a fight with him, and then... maybe he could laugh like this more.

c. tanjiro and giyuu

It's a step to healing, you idiot! Zenitsu had told him, and Tanjiro just wanted to believe him. So, he welcomed the re-encounters that Zenitsu had staged, despite being hesitant and anxious about what could happen. 

Looking back, he should have expected that Inosuke would not mind Tanjiro's past as much as others may consider it. He would always remember the pure happiness reflected in Inosuke's azure eyes when Tanjiro accepted his offer to spar. It felt as if the boar-masked boy was looking forward to fighting him, which felt strange to Tanjiro because most that he had faced in battle had been afraid of him — what, with him being Kibutsuji Muzan's general.

Evidently, Tanjiro did not anticipate that his 're-encounter' with Inosuke would go as well as it had. These consequent occurrences shed light on one thing he did that he would never regret — which was deciding not to hurt these people. It was extremely challenging to describe the happiness that he felt upon knowing that he would not have to wait for another lifetime for an opportunity to become friends with these precious, amazing people.

Zenitsu and Nezuko had orchestrated many of his confrontations, but one person that all of them had not expected to come was the Water Hashira. If the demon slayer was the unprepared side at their first meeting, then this time, Tanjiro was the one caught off guard. 

If asked to be honest, he would say he was not yet ready to converse with a demon slayer. After all, Tanjiro had killed countless demon slayers, although he had always refrained from doing so unless he could not avoid a command from the master of demons (at least before the one called Sanemi had harmed Nezuko, which was also a pressing matter - he killed another hashira, who may have been close to this person that he was currently facing).

"I will be straightforward," Tomioka Giyuu stated without preamble, directly getting to the point. "You have massacred so many, and I will never look past that. I will never forgive you for all the atrocities that you have committed, for all the deaths that you have caused — you served under that man that had destroyed so many lives, and while I can comprehend your reason for doing so, that you very well did not have any choice, the fact remains that you were a part of the upper echelons within the ranks of the moons — what you have done can never be reversed."

Tanjiro was already painfully aware of the facts that the other was spatting out, but hearing someone directly say it to him was still heartbreaking. With every reminder, it became more and more difficult to breathe, his words getting stuck in his throat. 

He could feel his voice tremble as he attempted to speak, "I know." He might have gotten too comfortable in the presence of people who rarely reminded him of his past to think that this encounter would go well as well.

The hashira's eyes narrowed, "You have killed. You have slaughtered. You have sided with the worst. You have let so many die." He perceived every word like blades mercilessly piercing his heart, and Tanjiro wanted to escape. He almost laughed at that thought; he had gotten weak, hadn't he? He had already resolved never to forget, to confront his past and not run away — so he had to hear this. "However," Tanjiro looked up and met the man's cobalt blue eyes. "It would be foolish to blame you for all of that. Many only stood still, powerless in the face of true fear — many only watched as others were devoured, yet you took a stand."

"What..." Tanjiro breathed out, confused. This was not the direction that he expected the demon slayer to head.  

"You may have also been a victim of circumstance, but that does not justify all that you have done." He clarified, "However, Zero, you have saved countless lives." The crimson-eyed male wavered as he sensed how Giyuu was so certain of his words.

Tanjiro carefully scrutinized the other's orbs but never found anything that implied his statement was a lie, and he only smelled honesty. Tanjiro was accustomed to people trying to appease him, to fool him into believing that they were his allies before betraying him, but the words this man was speaking were the truth. 

"Did you think I was only here to tell you of your mistakes?" He inquired.

Tanjiro reluctantly nodded. He might have been mistaken, but it seemed as if the slayer was making an attempt on teasing, of all things. He immediately dismissed the thought, because would a demon slayer, a hashira, be comfortable enough with a demon to do that? Not to mention, he did not seem to be the kind of person that teases. 

Giyuu sighed, "I am sure I do not need to inform you about them; you are already aware of what you did. Moreover, I would not have come here if I only came here to reprimand you for what cannot be undone. I am not thoughtless enough not to consider you." 

"I... understand, Tomioka-san." Tanjiro said, unsure of what to say. He did feel as if an older figure was reprimanding him. (And Tanjiro cannot say this out loud, but he was somewhat content that there was someone that was not Muzan who could scold him about something.) "But I... You are mistaken; the only life I was able to save... was my sister's."

"Despite being at the most risk among all of us whom rebelled against that man, you took that risk and held your sword without doubt in your eyes. What you have done became a pinnacle for change, the start of a new dawn." He continued before flicking his fingers on Tanjiro's forehead, and it felt like he was being treated like a child.

Tanjiro had not been a child since that fateful day at the snowy mountain when he was turned into a demon. There was no longer anyone around that could treat him like one. While Muzan indignantly called him a child at times, it felt more like he was a tool than a person in that man's eyes. After constantly being the older one that had to be responsible, he must have unconsciously yearned to be treated like he was younger (maybe he also wanted to be spoiled, at one point, he wanted someone to take care of him).

Tanjiro was not used to someone honoring what he did. He was used to being the one complimenting someone else, the one recognizing someone else's endeavors. While he did want someone to acknowledge him, he did not hope for that to happen anymore. 

The weight of what Tanjiro had done had never occurred to him before. He knew that he might have saved the world in the process, but he did not even consider that someone would overlook the negative dimensions of what he did for a moment just to applaud what good he had brought. He never even thought he could cause something good for the world after all the bad that he had brought. 

"It is not only your sister's life that you saved — it was the world." And it was, was it not? "As you defeated the progenitor of demons, the world became free of them, aside from you perhaps, and the sacrifices would finally stop if peace remains. You had power in your fingertips, but you chose not to doom the world in the end. You heralded a new beginning, Upper Moon Zero — just as how your number implies. For that, I respect you, and I will never forget the favor that I owe you."

The water pillar seemed deep in thought momentarily as if considering something. After a while, he did something unprecedented - he bowed, full ninety degrees, towards Tanjiro. "You have my eternal gratitude, Kamado Tanjiro."

Struck by the sincerity of the hashira's words, Tanjiro was speechless. "There is nothing you should thank me for." He insisted once he was able to collect himself. "My decision was only because of my selfish whims. It would be best if you loathed me. You should seek to kill me. I would even allow you to do so."

Giyuu straightened himself, "no," he vehemently refused, his voice firm, "You have your sister to take care of. And I am not ungrateful enough to choose to do that after you have practically saved humankind. Not to mention, the guilt you feel is proof of your humanity."

Tanjiro's eyes widened.

"I cannot forgive you, Tanjiro. The scars are still far too fresh for me to find in myself the will to forgive," Giyuu's eyes softly closed, "Allow me to journey alongside you, allow me to watch over you, and be the constraint that will replace the shackles that Kibutsuji had left on you, if my assumption is correct that you are still shackled by that man's grip. You can live without fearing that you will lose your control, because if that may come, a formidable hand that can at least restrain you would be reliable, no?"

"Huh?" Tanjiro mumbled as he processed what the black-haired man was implying, and he pondered — was he allowed to be pleased with the turn of events? Was he allowed to be glad that he would be able to spend more time with this person, and perhaps, even be able to truly consider him as an older brother figure that Tanjiro had always wanted? "Of course, you are welcome to... come with us, if you really want?"

Giyuu nodded, "If I come with you, I may be able to forgive you — and that may still be far from today, but for now, I hope that you will someday be able to forgive yourself, and I believe that forgiving yourself may be a form of atonement as well."

Forgive himself. Tanjiro did not expect that a demon slayer would be the one to tell him that — but perhaps it was from them that he needed to hear these words the most. But Tanjiro did not know if he deserved to be forgiven after all he had done. Perhaps he will never find the answer to this question, but maybe, someday, Tanjiro can find it in himself to forgive himself as well.

"It is I who should be grateful, Tomioka Giyuu-san." Tanjiro smiled, "allow me to thank you. For trusting me with my plan, for giving me a chance, for talking to me right now — and for considering to travel with us, for considering forgiving me, when I may not deserve to be forgiven."

Giyuu smiled back, "The world has changed, Tanjiro." 

Tanjiro's lips quivered, and tears streaked down his face. Akaza, I may have found another older brother. 

d. interlude

Their little group eventually visited Asakusa again, where they were planning to meet with Tamayo and Yushiro. Tanjiro was reminded of the udon store that he went to when he first met the two, and a little voice inside him urged him to go back to that store.

"Oh? It's you, the weird fella with kanji in his eyes." The udon store owner looked at him fondly, "Did 'ya come to eat udon again?"

"May I please have five servings?" The owner halted in his movements for a second, before he realized that Tanjiro was not alone. "You're not alone anymore, huh, lad?"

Tanjiro politely smiled, "yes," and he couldn't be more grateful.

Honestly, Tanjiro was still scared. What if his sense of taste had not yet returned? He had been so afraid to test it out for the longest time, because what if everything still tasted bland?

But then, when the udon touched his tongue, there was a delicate, savory flavor — there was a mild sweetness, and he could enjoy the chewy texture of the noodles because this time, it had taste.

Maybe it was because he did not have a sense of taste for years, but the udon tasted heavenly to him.

Tanjiro relished in the reality that he could taste again.

"Eh, Tanjiro? Why are you crying— oy Tanjiro!"

"What— is the udon that strong that it's even able to defeat you?!"

"Giyuu-san, Nezuko-chan, why are you also crying! This makes me want to cry too! Stop!"

"It's just... it's also been a long time since I was able to enjoy food."

"Onii-chan's crying..."

"Wahhh, Giyuu-san, Nezuko—"

"Stop crying, all of you!"

e. return to zero

Perhaps someday, Tanjiro will learn to accept himself. One day, the scenes reflected in his eyes would no longer be that of eternal death and war but of serene daylights surrounded by indelible warmth and kindness. In the far-off future, he will be able to permit himself to be happy in spite of all his transgressions. He would be unburdened by the shackles that continued to chain him down, from the guilt that refused to let him breathe. One day, he may be able to reminisce memories from the past and not view them as bitter ones.

Tanjiro was not yet free, not just yet. But someday, he will taste freedom in the calm breezes of wind and savor the morning sun without fearing that, eventually, he may be unable to do so. Ultimately, Tanjiro will be free.

"This is where we first met." Tanjiro heard a deep voice say, "this is where your family is buried."

He turned his gaze to the origin of the voice, "yes, Giyuu-san."

Tanjiro kneeled in front of the tombstones he had built at the place that had been his home, along with the ones he had constructed with Nezuko, for Rui, for their younger brother. This was where he was born. This was where he became a demon. This was where he first encountered Giyuu, where he had built his resolve to fight.

This was where many beginnings had come to fruition and where he would utter his final prayer, but unlike before, he was not accompanied by the freezing winter, but the sun that continued to shed light and warmth upon him.

"'tou-san, 'kaa-san, Rokuto, Shigeru, Takeo, Hanako," he called each of their names. "Akaza, Rui," he solemnly closed his eyes, "continue watching over us." I may have found a family, he did not verbalize. I think I may be able to be happy if it's with them.

For all the people that had told him to live for himself. For all the people who had cared for him and been there for him. For Akaza, who he had only started considering as family at his last moments, and for Rui, who he had been reluctant to think of as a brother at the beginning — for those who, who could not have experienced this... family, together with him, he would be happy. He would be happy for their sakes as well.

Those he had lost will always be in his heart, and he will forever pray for their happiness in their next lives, possibly. However much he wishes to bypass the time he spent suffering, he swore never to overlook those because amidst all that pain, he had met Akaza and Rui — and in the process, he had found himself, and people who loved him for who he was, as well.

Tanjiro looked at his little sister, who was kneeling beside him, and in turn, was also looking at him. He smiled, and she replied with a nod. They stood up, greeted by a smile from Zenitsu and a chirp from Chuntaro, who was cheerfully perched on the blonde's shoulders. Inosuke was also leaning on one of the pillars standing amidst the ruins; his arms crossed as he looked at them.

"You are fine leaving this way?" The former demon slayer's, who was also waiting for him to finish, posture was relaxed as he inquired. "Are you sure that you do not want more time with them?"

"Yes," Tanjiro firmly stated, his voice echoing with Nezuko's. "We can see them anytime we want, and... it's not as if we will be separated from them, because you see, Giyuu-san," he pointed at his heart, "they are here."

"I see," Giyuu smiled, looking proud of him.

"Let's go?" Zenitsu asked.

Tanjiro directed his smile at them. "Let's." He said, and he heard Nezuko giggling beside him as if amused by their interaction.

Akaza once told him that he chose to return to zero. At that point, he didn't know if that was for better or worse. Now, he realized it was for the better — because zero is where everything begins.

It was finally time to move on — to live freely, to head towards a tomorrow that none of them knew.

Tanjiro comes to terms with this, and he finds peace.

"It wouldn't be so bad to start from zero, right, Nezuko?"