Chapter Text
The first thing he saw was white.
It encompassed the entirety of his vision in the form of a blindingly bright curtain of light, bright enough as to cause him to instantly screw his eyes shut as a hiss of pain left his lips. He also noticed the way his whole body seemed to sag with a prominent, undeniable ache, every joint twinged with a deep bout of soreness that made him wince from even the tiniest shift in position. The only sounds he could hear were the steady, rhythmic beats of his own heart and the distant ringing in his ears. The incessant jolts thumping at his skull were beginning to make his head pound.
Slowly fluttering his eyes open once again as they finally began to adjust, now aware of the way his left eye throbbed with every minute blink he made, he looked around the room as its image blurred and swam with flickering, spotty flecks. The floor, the ceiling, the bedsheets — they were all washed out with a cold, empty-feeling dullness that made his stomach churn and his chest tighten. The room was devoid of any sort of color, lacking in warmth or comfort. His eyes flicked over to the table beside him, where there was a drooping white campanula flower settled within a little glass vase. There was also a single, lonesome chair next to the window across from him. That was it. There was nothing else to focus on.
There was nothing to keep his mind off of the writhing mass surrounding him.
Dark, tangled locks squirmed and wriggled as their wispy strands slowly slithered themselves up and around his arms, legs, and neck, relentlessly squeezing and squeezing and squeezing. The mangled mass pulsed and shuttered as he tightened his grip on the thin fabric of his sheets, choking out a whimper as the creeping clutch of panic officially made its presence known. His heart sporadically quaked and quivered with a horrific lurch, his right eye widening with terror as he was stamped against the bed. Thoughts and emotions were melting together into an ugly amalgamation of broken screams and streaming tears and stupid promises. Instead of struggling, he decided to just… be, blankly staring up at the colorless ceiling above. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t do anything. Why wouldn’t it just go away? He just wanted… He wanted…
Wanting too much was what made him like this in the first place, and yet… he kept on wanting what he couldn’t have.
“Basil…”
The voice was nothing more than a strained, mouse-like whisper, soft and hesitant in its volume. Basil was surprised that he could even hear something so faint amidst the roaring manifestation of his worst nightmares and the rushing blare of white noise, feeling himself drift off into a dizzy haze of detachment. Repressing was the only thing he was good at, anyways.
Glancing up with a sluggish tip of his head, he caught sight of a familiar mess of dark bangs — long and wild from what could have either been a rough, restless sleep, or because they were in serious need of a trim. He assumed the answer was both. One of their eyes was covered by a thick set of medical bandages, and they were also dressed in a hospital gown that matched that of his own.
“... S-Sunny…?” he weakly uttered, the twisted mass coming to a halt. He couldn’t tell if he was truly seeing his best friend, or if it was just another one of his mind’s cruel, made-up delusions.
Sunny simply nodded, walking over to the side of Basil’s bed as he took one of the blonde’s shaking hands. Sunny gave it a light, supportive squeeze, his thumb tracing outlines of silly little shapes and patterns into his skin. Basil almost flinched at how… long it’s been since Sunny — or anyone, really — had done that for him, staring at the comforting show of affection as if it were the final missing piece to his life’s unfinished puzzle. Sunny wasn’t close enough. Would he ever be close enough?
Basil needily tugged at Sunny’s hand, causing the raven-haired boy to freeze in place, his hand still. He slowly brought his friend’s hand up against his cheek as he fought off a wet-sounding giggle, nuzzling into it as if it could disappear at any moment. It wasn’t an impossible scenario, because it’s already happened once before. Sunny could disappear at any moment, just like last time, and Basil would be just as he was for the past four years.
Alone. He’d be alone alone alone alone alone alone —
Sunny didn’t say anything as he loudly wailed and wept for all that he’s lost and all that he’s gained, coming apart at the seams as his guilt seeped through each and every new and old tear. Sunny only brushed back his greasy, stringy hair as he sweetly wiped away his tears, even when they showed no sign of stopping anytime soon. Through his blurry vision, he saw something he didn’t think he’d ever get to see again.
Sunny gave him a bright, cheesy grin, filled with sunshine and hope and everything Basil hasn’t had since that day four years ago. His something screeched and hollered as it receded into fragmented dust, and it was with this newly-acquired sense of freedom that something else stirred within him. It was a fragile flourish of joy that threatened to burst and swallow him whole, and even though such a feeling scared him, he couldn’t help it as his own expression morphed into a shining smile.
“Basil…” Sunny started, his gaze just as intense as its always been. “They… the others…” he stuttered, fighting off another shy little smile. Basil wished he still had his camera.
“T-they forgive… us… for everything… I… I told them…” he said, his proud but shaky smile laced with a tinge of disbelief. Basil could understand why; it was something that just never seemed… possible.
Basil never expected the others to forgive him for what he did. If the others ever did find out the truth, Sunny deserved their forgiveness more than he ever did. Sunny’s part in Mari’s death was nothing more than a tragic accident.
He was the one that had initially come up with the idea to hang her. He was the one that had tied the rope. He was the one that had come up with the suicide story.
He did it all for Sunny.
Everything always traced back to Sunny.
Without Sunny, Basil wasn’t… anyone. He didn’t have any drive or purpose before Sunny, and while his other friends were important to him… none of them were as cherished as Sunny was.
“Sunny… can I tell you something…?” he asked, his tone slightly off. Sunny quietly climbed into the bed and laid down next to him, their hands still joined together. Basil rested his head down on Sunny’s shoulder, cuddling into his side as he tried to even out his breathing.
“I tried to kill myself.” He felt as Sunny stiffened at the unfiltered admission.
Basil shook his head with a sheepish, dejected-sounding laugh. “Even b-before… Before Mari d-died, I was never really all that happy — not with my life, or with myself.” Basil looked distant. “You can probably already guess why... My parents… they aren’t good people, Sunny. It took me a long time to realize that. They never cared about me, and they only proved that fact with every year I went on without them. I never had a lot of friends before you and the others found me either, and I was always just s-so… lonely.” Sunny scooted closer, feeling more exhausted than ever.
“I must have planned hundreds of different ways to… l-leave … b-but you know how I am. I’ve always been quite the scaredy-cat, huh Sunny? Haha… ha…” Sunny’s grip on his hand tightened.
“Did you know that Aubrey actually met me by the lake, where our secret hangout spot is? I was there because… because I promised myself that I’d look at something beautiful before I go. I wanted my last day to be special, so I could remember something h-happy.” Basil chuckled weakly, sniffling as his vision flooded. He was always such a crybaby...
“I-it’s kind of funny, really… I never cared about what the others thought about me, even when I knew they’d hate me. That never mattered to me as much as… as much as your happiness did. Your smile was the only light in my entire life, Sunny. Everyday, I’d watch you just… exist, taking a nap on your couch, or drawing a silly little doodle here and there… and that was all I needed to feel… whole. Sometimes, when I thought about g-going really f-far away, I’d remember the way your hands felt in mine, a-and how warm and real they were… I’d think about how you were the only person that a-actually wanted me around, and the way you’d smile at me and only me… You were the only person that made me feel like… like I actually mattered. Not Polly, not my grandma, not my parents, not even our friends… nobody cared enough to stay. But you… you meant everything.... You still do.” Sunny turned his head and looked over at the boy beside him… Really looked at him. His eye widened.
“T-that’s why it hurt so much when you finally left like everybody else in my life. I’ve built my whole life around you, and I didn’t know how… no… I didn’t want to live in one that didn’t have you in it. I-I knew it was because I wasn’t good enough! I should’ve done more, I should’ve said more… Then maybe you’d… actually w-want me. Instead, all I did was ruin your l-life e-even more…!” Basil hiccupped, a stray, pale hand flying up to cover at his grimace. His body twitched and shook, but Sunny didn’t care. Before Basil could even feel he was gone, Sunny was already lightly pushing Basil’s head down towards his chest, engulfing him in a tangled hug. Basil laughed again.
“I don’t care whether or not they forgive me… And I don’t feel guilty for what I did. I’d do it a million times over if it meant that you’d keep looking at me as if you…” he swallowed, “as if you love me just as much as I love you. I only feel guilty… for not being enough to keep you from leaving.” Basil finally looked up at him, crushing Sunny’s hand.
“Sunny… please don’t hate me. P-please don’t h-hate me. Please d--don’t… hate me... ” he sobbed, burying his face into Sunny’s chest. He ruined Sunny’s life. He ruined Sunny’s life. The words would forever be burned into his mind like an ugly reminder… an ugly reminder of every bad decision he’s ever made up to this point. He was trying to… protect Sunny, but he… he…
Basil froze as he felt a hand underneath his chin gently lift his head upward, being greeted with a sad frown from a worried-looking Sunny.
Basil messed up again.
Sunny’s frown quickly shifted into a determined glare, locking his one eye with the blue orbs looking back. With a tiny, nervous huff, Sunny slowly leaned in, watching as Basil’s cheeks darkened, right before gifting Basil with what could possibly be considered one of the smallest pecks on the cheek there ever was. Sunny couldn’t help but flush with embarrassment, but he needed to do something…!
“I… I don’t hate you… I never could...” he stated softly, still hovering over Basil, the tips of their noses just-barely touching.
“I love you, Basil…”
Basil and Sunny simply stared at each other for a solid, silent moment, Basil’s mouth stuck in the shape of an O as he tried to process what he just heard. It just wasn’t… it wasn't...
Sunny let out a surprised yelp as he felt Basil flip their positions with one swift motion, unprepared for the image or feeling of a now-grinning Basil sitting right on top of him.
Basil couldn’t seem to control his breathing, or the way his heart raced and hammered away inside his chest. Was this another dream? Was he dreaming again? He dreamed about Sunny a lot, but…
Looking down at the body below him, he saw the way that Sunny jittered in place, his ears, cheeks, and neck painted cherry red. He was radiating heat, and his hair was even messier than before. His eye never left Basil’s unwavering stare, his gaze filled with so much love and adoration that Basil thought he would wake at any moment. He leaned down and kissed at Sunny’s forehead, and when he saw that Sunny was still there, face even redder than before, Basil did it again.
And again and again and again and again.
Soon, he migrated down to Sunny’s nose, and then to both his cheeks, and finally, his lips. Neither of them had ever kissed anyone before, so it was a bit on the wet side, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care if their teeth clacked together, or if their noses awkwardly bumped into one another. He smiled into the clumsy, honey-like kiss, enjoying the way that Sunny shivered beneath him, not knowing where to place his hands or how to properly tilt his head. Even so, Sunny’s lips were soft and warm to the touch, and Basil could feel as Sunny absolutely melted, letting out an involuntary noise that made Basil’s heart leap and his brain buzz. He only pulled away for a moment to take a short breath, before diving right back in, feeling crazed at how much he liked an overwhelmed Sunny.
“B-Basil…” Sunny murmured with a pant, seeming a happy mixture of starstruck and blissfully wrecked. Basil sighed, his mind nothing more than love-filled static.
“My Sunny… Say it again. Say you love me again," he demanded. Sunny nodded.
“... I love you, Basil…”
It wasn’t enough.
“Again.”
“I love you, Basil...”
“Again.”
Sunny grinned, something Basil would never get sick of seeing. It was only for him to see.
“I love you, Basil… Always.” Always… Sunny was his now. They’d be together always. Basil giggled to himself, loving the idea of forever.
It was then that he had an unfortunate realization.
“Sunny… What am I supposed to do when you m-move away? I finally have you…” He looked over at the window. The skies were clear, so why was everything suddenly so suffocating? “I finally have you… and you’re g-going to leave m-me again… You’re going to leave me again, and I’ll be a-all alone — ”
“... Basil…?” Sunny hushed, still smiling sweetly. “Talked with… Polly and… Mom… Do you mind if I…?”
Sunny didn’t even need to finish his sentence, Basil’s broken features lighting up into an excited beam. Just as Basil was about to lean down for a second round, he heard the click and creak of the door behind them.
Still on top of Sunny, he turned around, faced with the shocked faces of Aubrey, Kel, and Hero. While Sunny internally cringed, trying to cover up as much of his face as possible, Basil simply ignored them, kissing at Sunny’s flushing cheeks without a care in the world…
Sunny was his now… and he was going to live with him....
Aubrey angrily coughed into her arm, failing to catch their attention, all while Kel’s mind scrambled at what was happening before him. Hero looked like he had been run over by a truck, especially with how red and puffy his eyes still were, but he seemed… proud.
Forever was fine by him.