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“Hey Nick, is everything okay?” Karl asks, voice coated in worry. His hand rests against the door frame of his room.
“I- um…” Sapnap hesitates and stares up at Karl, “I had a nightmare.” He closes his eyes in fear of judgement. He knows Karl would never make fun of him for something like this, but the anxiety bubbling in his chest pushes a different narrative.
“Oh- do you wanna talk about it?” Karl offers. He shifts his weight off of the white door frame and crosses his arms. Sapnap stares at the ground in thought. How could he tell his best friend that he dreamt of confessing and losing him? He just couldn’t waste the months of hiding his feelings for this.
“Not really…” Sapnap looks up, catching Karl’s eyes before immediately looking back down. Karl’s fluffy brown hair was sprawled across his forehead. He had a black sweatshirt engulfing his body, hanging loosely over his frame, reaching down towards his grey sweatpants.
“Do you wanna sleep in my room tonight instead?” This time, it’s Karl’s turn to stare at the ground. Soft blush dances up over his cheeks. Sapnap grips the front of his shirt until his knuckles turn white, attempting to ground himself before his heart quickens and his head rises above the clouds. He nods hesitantly. It shouldn't be weird, since Karl offered, right?
Karl opens the door wider and glances up at Nick, urging him to follow suit. The walls of Karl’s room are a beige color, adorned with a variety of posters and pictures. It suited him well. Karl is the first to lay down on his bed, leaning back and peeking up at Sapnap. Sapnap walks up to the bed next and settles himself next to Karl, shifting until he’s comfortable. The duvet is soft, reflecting Karl’s feathery hair and delicate hands. Sapnap could talk about the brunette’s hands all day, the smooth yet rough texture, the cute rings hugging his fingers, the pretty polish decorating his nails. Sapnap could talk about Karl in general all day.
You could say Sapnap had a bit of a crush on Karl… or maybe more than a crush but he would never admit that. His “friend” remained on his mind all day, his thoughts always leading back to Karl. He doesn’t know when this little fixation started, but he wanted to get rid of it fast. Sapnap tried his hardest to hide his prevalent crush, covering up his blush and flustered expressions with some lame excuse. He silently pleaded no one would catch on. But now he was laying down in Karl’s bed, legs entangled and flushed; heartbeat fast and loud, threatening to give away hidden feelings. Sapnap was situated behind Karl, chest pressed against his back. Karl's hair was brushing against his nose, the smell of his shampoo invading Sapnap's senses. He was hyperaware of the blush on his face and how his hand laid across Karl and how the fabric of his clothes brushed against him when he moved even a little. The silence was comforting but suffocating. And Sapnap, he was scared. Scared this fleeting moment would be gone too soon, leaving himself alone and longing. Scared he’d convince himself this was more than it was. He knew Karl was naturally affectionate, but he couldn’t help but hope the lingering hands meant something more.
Karl had always shown his love with being overly touchy or affectionate, something Sapnap both loved and hated. It was hard to tell if Karl hugged him romantically or platonically, but Sapnap hoped to God it wasn’t the latter. He couldn’t help his pining for Karl’s touch. Whether it be jokingly holding hands, side hugs, or even brushing against him, Sapnap needed it. He needed it so bad he found any excuse he could to be close to Karl. Sapnap was just oblivious to how obvious he was being. And maybe that was okay. Maybe Karl wanted to be close to him as well. Just maybe.
“Is this really okay?” Sapnap asked, his voice barely audible, hesitant and anxious. The thoughts that had been clouding his mind left his mouth before he could think about the consequences. “I mean, normal friends don’t do this, right?” There was a moment of silence, only the sound of Sapnap’s heart pounding loud in his ears. His hands grew moist and shaky, gripping Karl’s shoulder for comfort, or maybe emphasis.
“They don’t… is that a bad thing?” His voice broke as he spoke, causing him to silently cringe at himself. Karl shuffled in place, turning to look at Sapnap. His eyes were pleading, hoping that their relationship wouldn’t change for the worst after this.
"No" Sapnap whispered. Their eyes locked, leaving both boys silent and fidgety. Karl went back to his previous position, smiling hard and nuzzling into Sapnap’s arm, trying to hide the excitement on his face. Again, Sapnap tried grounding himself, this time hoping this wasn’t just another of his many dreams of Karl.
Not soon after, both boys drifted off into sleep, a smile painted softly over their faces.