Work Text:
(1)
“Ah-Xi, is it you?”
For more than 300 days, Zeng Shunxi’s only way of entertainment is switching between different radio channels while staring into the vast starry sky outside the space capsule in a trance.
This is the first time that the radio emitted a human voice, when mixed with the static radio noise it sounded extremely hoarse, a bit familiar, but also foreign.
"Hello, I am Astronaut 001986, Zeng Weihang. What can I do for you?"
"Ah-Xi... Don't tell me you don't remember me anymore… It's me, Xiao Yuliang."
“......”
“Never mind, if you don't remember then you don't remember, it’s good as long as I found you. Ah-Xi, where are you? I miss you so much, can you come back?”
This Mister Xiao Yuliang seems to be very emotional. Zeng Shunxi tried several times to ask him if he mistook him for someone else, but the other party poured out a deep confession for ten minutes and didn't give Zeng Shunxi a chance to say anything.
When he finally finished talking, he started sobbing silently. Seeing how much he was crying, Zeng Shunxi was embarrassed to speak again.
They were silent for a while, then Zeng Shunxi finally broke the unbearable silence:
"You must’ve mistaken me for someone else, My name is Zeng Weihang. Zeng comes from the “zeng” in “zeng jing” (TN: once) Wei is ... Hmm, Wei is ..."
"Wei comes from the “wei” in “wei xie” (TN: threat) and Hang from the “hang” in “yu hang yuan” (TN: astronaut). Age 25. You don’t eat watermelons. You like luosifen. You have a mole on your right index finger."
Another awkward silence.
"Mister Xiao? I'm really sorry, because when people become astronauts, they will lose part of their memories. So, I think… We…"
Xiao Yuliang interrupted him again:
"Ah-Xi, it is okay as long as I remember. I can tell you little by little, about us."
(2)
"Then, let's start with why you call me Ah-Xi."
"Ah-Xi is your stage name, Zeng Shunxi. You asked me to call you Ah-Xi. You said that's what Cantonese people call you. "
"Stage name? Am I a writer? Why do I have a stage name?"
"You are an artist; an actor like me. We met when we were filming for a drama. When I first met you, you were only 19 years old, running around chasing stray dogs on set like a child..."
"Actor? How can I be an actor? My dad will break my leg."
"Well ... indeed. Your family accepted only after you went on a hunger strike."
"... Was I so rebellious?"
For the first time, Zeng Shunxi took great interest in his former self. He adjusted his chair and waited for Xiao Yuliang to continue.
But the other suddenly stopped talking, after a while he carefully asked:
"Ah-Xi, can you tell me where you are first?"
"I'm in a space capsule. I'm... I'm in space. I'm going back and forth between Earth and the different planets. What about you, are you on Earth? "
"Yes, I have been waiting for you here. So... When can I see you again? You have been away for over 300 days; it is time to come back. I know that you have always wanted to become an astronaut, and now it has finally come true, but you should also come back and see me. "
"Astronauts can't step out of the hatch. We need to keep the capsule running. You want to see me?... Is there anything important?"
Zeng Shunxi felt that the relationship between them was not simple, but he didn't dare to ask directly.
"I miss you, I want to see you and talk to you.
Ah-Xi, today would’ve been day 605 after we got together. I miss you a lot. "
"You mean we are... lovers... you and me?!”
Zeng Shunxi felt that this was too much information to handle. He suddenly learned that he is gay and that he has a boyfriend he’s been together for two years. He couldn’t process all that. What should I do? Looks like he can’t forget me. Does he want to be in a long-distance relationship? No, this is more than long-distance relationship. This is a interstellar relationship. What do I do?
(3)
After that, every morning at 7:00 am sharp, Xiao Yuliang’s voice will be transmitted from the radio. And he will chat with Zeng Shunxi all day, except for the times where he must eat or go to the toilet. He will chat until it is midnight, and then he will reluctantly yawn and say goodnight to Zeng Shunxi. Then on the next morning, he will wake him up at the same time.
Zeng Shunxi doesn't know how he can talk so much. He said he wanted to help him remember everything between them. But in fact, when Xiao Yuliang talked, he often went off topic. Sometimes Zeng Shunxi would get sleepy listening to him talk: “Mm-hmm”, “You are right”, “I know, you don't need to explain”, “I get you”.
He didn’t know if his disinterest was obvious or not. But he couldn’t deny that Xiao Yuliang’s voice calmed him. Listening to him speak about everything and anything, it seemed as if space was not so empty and scary anymore, as if time didn’t go by as slow anymore.
After a month of Xiao Yuliang forcefully pressuring him to call him “Gou Liang Liang” (TN: Puppy Liang Liang), “husband” and other embarrassing nicknames. Zeng Shunxi felt that he finally unlocked his true nature. Even though he didn’t know what his “popular” boyfriend looked like in real life, he started behaving like anyone that was in love. He couldn’t stop listening to his voice, his breathing and his heartbeat even with a million light years between them.
Can we meet?
Zeng Shunxi was eager to appear in front of him, but occasionally, when the breathing of the person on the other side of the radio faltered to nothing. He realized that he was like a phantom with no bright days and dark nights. Did Zhuang become a butterfly, or did the butterfly become him? (TN: reference to “The Butterfly Dream” by Zhuang Zhou).
That voice, that person. Does all this really exist?
(4)
They began to seriously consider the possibility of meeting each other. Zeng Shunxi doesn't know if Xiao Yuliang understood or not, but he already tried his best to explain to him.
"Why did you become an astronaut?"
"Because I want to be an astronaut!"
"... then why can't you go back to Earth?"
"Because an astronaut's job is to safely transport humans to other planets. I can only take one passenger on each voyage. My job is to travel between Earth and other planets and send everyone to their respective planet. If I leave, no one will control the aircraft!"
"Even the toughest workplace gives vacation to their staff, you can’t possibly be working all year long without a break, right? No one can take over your shift? "
"Well... technically there is. However, when the previous astronaut handed over this job to me, he said that there’s no way out after becoming an astronaut. Maybe you would stay in the space capsule for many years. Because you don't know how long you will have to wait for the next person to take over."
"Then why are you still so silly! Why do you still want to be an astronaut? Is it more interesting than being an actor? "
"I don't know. Yuliang, I don't know. But there must be something I want to do. The previous astronaut said that people who become astronauts are looking for something. "
"Good, then I will be accompany you."
(5).
In these 300 days, Zeng Shunxi was an astronaut, who assisted over 47 passengers. Men, women and children, tall, fat, and thin, wealthy businessmen and even homeless people.
In the beginning, he also tried to communicate with these people, trying to find his own memories by spying into their world.
Later, he gradually discovered that no matter how different these people are, they were all equally silent and only wanted to escape from Earth and go to a new world.
Before meeting Xiao Yuliang, he didn't plan to find the next astronaut, because he didn't know where else to go after. Can a person without a past have a future?
Now that he has met the person that wants to meet him, he wants to embrace him and finally see the difference between the bright day and dark night of humanity.
As the days went by, he was getting closer and closer to Earth. They didn't mention meeting each other anymore. Mostly because Xiao Yuliang changed the subject every time Zeng Shunxi started wondering how they could meet in person. Xiao Yuliang will ask him this and that about the aircraft, as if he were just an outstanding college student who came to take aerospace courses.
But Zeng Shunxi really misses him. When that dazzling blue planet in the Milky Way appeared on the satellite map, he immediately ran to the radio and told Xiao Yuliang:
"I see Earth! Where are you!"
Xiao Yuliang searched for some satellite images on the internet then went to the Great Wall. His voice was very faint and hard to pick up due to the harsh winter winds:
"Can you see the long thin line? I am there. "
Of course, Zeng Shunxi could not see him. But he was still so happy, tears were falling from his eyes. He knew they were looking at each other. It was their first time staring into each other’s eyes, and there will be more chances in the future.
Zeng Shunxi was counting down the days until he landed on Earth. But he still did not have any idea on how to meet Xiao Yuliang. Every time an astronaut picks up a passenger, they do not know the passenger and the passenger certainly won’t know them. Zeng Shunxi really wishes that this passenger is Xiao Yuliang, at least they can spend some time together.
Although there is only a one in a six billion chance for them to meet, Zeng Shunxi still could not help but feel nervous when the day before landing arrived. He could not fall sleep out of nervousness. And it looked like Xiao Yuliang also did not plan to sleep.
"Ah-Xi, why do you think people on Earth want to escape Earth so much?"
"It should be because they must’ve encountered something that made them very unhappy."
"What about you? Did you also leave because you were unhappy? "
"I don't know. I can't remember the past anymore. But I should be different from them. I still want to stay, otherwise I wouldn't be an astronaut, right? I would have gone to other planets like them! Now that I have found you... I want to stay even more, heihei."
"Ah-Xi, you said everyone would go to their own planet, right? Then how lonely would it be to stay in such an empty place."
"Yes, but I think for them, maybe staying on Earth, a place with a population of six billion people, is lonelier than wandering alone in space.
By the way, Yuliang, have you ever thought about what your planet is like?"
"I, I think ... anything will do. Regardless, I will follow you, I will go to whichever planet you go!"
"Don’t be silly, everyone must live on their own planet! I want to go to the moon. When that time comes, just be closer to me, then we can visit each other hahaha."
"Sure, the moon. Well, Ah-Xi, when you are not an astronaut anymore, I will come to the moon to find you. When you look up, I will always be there."
(6).
When the door opened, Zeng Shunxi knew right away that this person is Xiao Yuliang. He felt dizzy, as if he were hit by this huge surprise. Surely, they were destined to meet, even with a probability of one in a six billion.
When he finally reacted, he was being firmly held in Xiao Yuliang’s arms. He heard Xiao Yuliang crying. He was so happy, he was crying too, so it did not matter.
"Ah-Xi, I missed you very much."
"Me too."
"Ah-Xi, do you have anything to say to me? Astronaut 001987, Xiao Yuliang will take over your position. We still have two minutes."
“?”
"Then don't say it, I'm sorry I didn't tell you in advance."
They kissed for two minutes. Zeng Shunxi wanted time to stop right there. But when he opened his eyes, everything was gone. His mom and day were by his bedside, his sister ran out to call a doctor in surprise.
Was it a dream?
(7)
The following is Xiao Yuliang's diary:
January 28, 2022
Day 1
Ah-Xi, today is the first day after you left. I miss you so much. I was always afraid of separation, but I did not expect death to come first. But I will definitely find you.
Day 2
Ah-Xi, I miss you so much.
Day 3
Ah-Xi, I miss you so much.
.......
Day 322
Today Ah-Xi answered my call today. He does not remember me anymore. I don't know if I am hallucinating, but I am so happy.
Day 323
Today I chatted with Ah-Xi again. It looks like he is in another universe, I don't know if he is scared or not, but I will always accompany him.
......
Day 360
It turned out that the passengers Xi transported were dead people. Luckily, silly Ah-Xi didn't realize it. But why didn't Ah-Xi go to his own planet like them? I haven't figured that out yet.
......
Day 364
Ah-Xi couldn’t let go of the past, so he became an astronaut and was wandering between Earth and different planets all the time. Silly child, aren’t you tired?
Day 365
Don't be afraid, I'll bring you home.
Day 366
Dear Ah-Xi:
Tomorrow is the day you go home! Although this time we can only meet for 5 minutes, but I am still really happy.
I want to meet and chat with you. They think I am crazy. I explain every day, that even my throat is sore, and my voice is gone. I believe that only you can understand me, so I only want to meet you once, a few words are enough. (*)
Welcome home. I will wait for you on the moon.
Day 367
Remembrance kisses the grave, like death beyond yesterday.
Time rills forth upon tomorrow, like rebirth from today.