Chapter Text
Dark green leaves swayed in the humid wind, sickly sweet tastes filling the air and pathways covered with passerbys. The sun was setting which filled the sky a beautiful combination of colors; blue trickling in with purple and orange mixing with yellow. It surely was a wondrous sight to see as the clouds swirled together.
People buzzed about, making their way to bars or clubs, restaurants and homes. Each person was going somewhere with their laughs echoing throughout the building nearby. They all seemed happy or upbeat which was understandable since it was the middle of summer and everyone wanted to celebrate.
Yet there were two specific people who intertwined their fingers, heads rested on one another's and chests slowly rising and falling with each chuckle. The sunset sparkled in both sets of eyes and although one couldn’t fully see the beauty of the colors in the moment, it meant everything to the blond to look at his lover and see as joy and swirled clouds showed in his deep brown eyes.
Air still dripping with heat even as night approached, they shifted every few seconds as their skin became hot on the bench, humidity clinging to their lungs. This barely bothered the pair though since they were encased in their own little world, eyes focused on the other at different times and as soon as the one noticed, blushes and giggles were exchanged and light shoves jokingly passed.
“You’re a moron,” the brunette teased, squeezing his boyfriend’s sweaty hand with his own; this late into the summer in Florida heat meant sweating didn’t matter to either, especially since they’d been dating for so long.
“But you love me,” Clay replied as he lightly bonked his forehead against George’s cheek; he didn’t need to hear it back to know his statement was true.
Unspoken words could hang in the air for days on end but the proclamations would always come across somehow. Sentences weren’t everything and actions said so much to those it truly mattered to. That stuck with the two lovers and they both knew that everything they felt was true and whole and there was no letting go on either end.
“You’re thinking, aren’t you?” George questioned, leaning his head to rest on the younger’s.
Clay realized he’d been chewing on his inner lip, a normal habit, and quickly stopped himself, releasing his skin from his teeth to smile. Once again, the two fidgeted in their spots as the sweat on their backs stuck more and both giggled as they did this in sync.
“You know me too well.” That was in fact true.
“Of course I do. What kind of boyfriend would I be otherwise?” The older turned his head and gently laid his lips onto Clay’s cheek for a brief moment before he went back to his previous position. Blushing from more than just the heat, the blond rubbed his warm thumb over his lover’s somehow still cold fingers.
“You’re always freezing and I really wonder how.”
“Remember that one meme we saw? The one about which partner is the heater and which is the one that needs to be heated?”
Clay’s chest rumbled with laughter as his head dipped with a nod.
“Yes I do.”
“That’s us,” George finished and rubbed his head along the clothed shoulder of the taller male.
In silence they watched the sun drop below the horizon, watched as the street lamps turned on in unison, illuminating all those who passed along with themselves on their bench they sat on at least once every hot summer in Florida. Signs in buildings turned on too which wasn’t fully visible to them as they instead looked out at the water of a swamp. George always expressed his distaste in the swamps to which his boyfriend would tease him for but no matter how many times they teased, love was still obvious in their dazed expressions they held when they looked at each other.
With another squeeze of Clay’s hand, George sat himself up and took a deep breath before saying, “Do you think we should go home?”
Home. Their home. It made the blond smile to think about even if they had lived together for more than a year now.
“Okay you lovestruck idiot,” the brunette joked as he stood and lightly tugged at the other's arm. “Let’s go home.”
Clay shook his head and stood as he soon realized that he had completely spaced out again. It happened over and over and no one could blame him but he couldn’t fully count the times it had happened solely because he had begun thinking of George. Not that he was complaining because as he looked in the deep brown eyes of his lover who smiled at him as he pulled him along, fingers intertwined and hair wet with humidity and sweat, time slowed and he couldn’t help but indulge as he watched.
There was something about being so desperately in love that ate him up every time; he had never even been in love like this before. It was almost a whole new feeling then normal. Usually falling in love was like when he spent the day with friends he loved and then went home and sat on his bed with reminiscent feelings hanging in the air. Satisfaction trickled through his veins and soft smiles rested on his face; but the day had still ended and that was all he got for then.
Falling in love with George on the other hand? It was so much more desperate and deep; he started out by drowning in how much he loved the other male and it made him breathless each time he watched one of his streams and would see the wonderful smile, pale cheeks bristling with a blush each time he said something goofy or jokingly flirted with the other male which gave him warm feelings throughout his bones.
Eventually his arms grew weak as he tried to swim above the current in hopes that his love would die down but it never did and that’s what drew him in. There was no stop with his feelings, no end of the tunnel. So it dragged him further until he couldn’t see clearly to the point there was no thought that didn’t include George.
--------------------------------------------------
Sighing and ruffling his hands in his already sweaty hair, the male threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. Maybe if he focused on it for long enough something in his heart would tell him this wasn’t real.
That he hadn’t fallen for one of his best friend’s.
Unluckily for him, he still heard the voice of the man he wished he could stop thinking about from his discarded headphones, his stream playing on his bright screen. Groaning for most likely the 20th time in the past hour, the blond sat himself up and tapped his shaking fingers along his desk. He focused on the way his nails almost hit the wood in small thumps over and over again, the swirls in the brown patterns almost mesmerizing and god he wished he had paid attention longer.
He would have if it wasn’t for the laugh that suddenly echoed through his headphones.
That sweet honey soaked laugh that made his whole body tingle and what he would give to just be in person to hear that wonderfully joy filled laugh over and over again because it meant everything to him to hear the noise pass through his head. He dared to look up onto his monitor and he regretted the choice almost immediately.
Just his luck that today was a face cam stream because after months of yearning for George, the only time he saw his face was on stream since usually if Clay didn’t have his camera on, neither did the brunette so not only was he so deeply in love it was suffocating, he was constantly tempted to just show the older his face. Because after nights that were just repeating themselves over and over, sweat soaked and exhaustion filled nights, all he wanted was to constantly see the one person that made him feel like his world was crumbling while he was piecing it back together at the same time.
Each time he tried to lay in bed he could never sleep, tossing and turning in his own sweat as he tried to knock the thoughts out of his brain. Sometimes he’d have to watch George’s videos just to get himself to relax and although guilt ate at him since this was his best friend, the man he trusted so much.
How could he have fallen in love with him?
That was a question he spent hours mulling over too; constantly thinking about why he let this happen, how did he let himself get this far? He knew he should have stopped the flirting and jokes as soon as every time George's voice graced his ears he felt this genuinely warm feeling trickle through him but it was almost as if the brunette was addicting.
It was like he had taken a drug except it never ever wore off. And it’s not like he was mad at himself because he thought his friend was a bad person. No, instead he regretted it because god, he couldn’t do this to George. He couldn’t let himself reveal how he felt because if it was tearing him to pieces, he wouldn't let it eat the older alive.
Besides, his friend was straight.
He repeated that to himself as he hesitantly moved his fingers to his keyboard, forever stuck on the tab of George’s discord messages. Shakily he typed out his sentence.
“vc. right now. pls”
Watching as he gnawed on his lip and ran his thumb’s nail along the rough and pale skin of his knuckles, the blond impatiently awaited for the older to notice him since he wasn’t playing Minecraft. Regret ate at him and he couldn’t believe he had just messaged his friend with such a desperate request but if he didn’t hear George say his name right now he may just explode and die.
George’s smile slowly died from his lips as the joke passed by and the younger let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding when he saw that his friend was messaging back and let his fingers relax as they clutched into his skin.
“im streaming”
Rubbing a still shaky hand along his flushed face, Clay couldn’t stop himself from staring at the brunette’s lips, obsession taking over once again, fantasies dripping into his mind. This was the never ending pool of love he held and he couldn’t get a full grip on whatever he was trying to pull himself out with; he still doesn’t know if it’s because he can’t help but fall in love or he just doesn’t want to stop.
“pls george. i need you”
Sighing and making a few clicks on his keyboard and mouse, the brunette began saying goodbye to his chat to end the stream and if Clay didn’t feel like he was about to implode he would have focused on the the other male’s obviously freshly washed hair that dipped right about his eyebrow, longer than usual. Instead he focused on how badly he wished he could be there with the other and run his hands through the soft locks and hold him tightly which only made it all worse.
God he was screwed.
Spaced out completely, it took him a second to hear the discord calling sound and he rushed to answer it, breathing still uneven as he clenched his jaw and every bone in his body trembled with whatever emotion he’d been constantly feeling for the past 7 months, quickly pulling his headphones back on before answering.
“Dream, what the hell-”
“I’m so sorry, George but I need to hear you say my name. Please.”
Silence lingered in the air momentarily and Clay could feel the way the tension dripped from his monitor and suddenly he regretted ever even messaging George in the first place. Just when he was about to end the call and go curl up into his bed and watch his friend’s videos for around 2 hours, he finally got a response.
“I just said your name, Dream.”
The blond shook his head as if the other could see him and gripped tightly as his forearms, fingers white at his clutch.
“My real name. Please, George. I’m sorry I interrupted your stream but I-” Pausing and taking in a deep breath as he pushed his hair back with both hands, head dropping low next to his keyboard, the blond uttered out his next words. “I need to hear you say my name.”
Another moment of silence followed which dragged him only deeper into his sinking mind but this one was shorter than the last and to his relief, he heard that lovely voice enter his ears once again.
“Clay. Clay, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Should I call Sapnap?”
“No,” Clay quickly responded and pulled his trembling hands over his headphones, pressing his palms against the rough texture as if he would hear George better if he just pulled them tighter against his head. It left him lightheaded and sweatier than before but he was so desperate and tired he barely noticed.
“What’s wrong with you lately? It’s like you’re spiraling or something. We’re worried about you. I’m worried about you.”
Desperation clawed further into his soul and if it weren’t for the fact his feet were planted on the ground and he was in his desk chair, he was sure he would have just floated away.
“I don’t know,” he whispered. “Something is wrong with me but I can’t tell you,” the blond said cautiously and it took everything in the poor man to keep himself from revealing how he felt right then in there because no matter how much he couldn’t bare hurting his best friend just because of his absurd feelings, he wanted nothing more than to call him every endearing name he could and let it not be a joke; he wanted it all to be real.
All the stupid teasing, all the flirty notions on streams, all the silly comments and hashtags on twitter and the ship he never thought he’d cling to so dearly, he wanted that all to be real. He’d give absolutely anything for it to be real.
“Clay, listen to me. You can tell me. I won’t force you but we’re best friends and I’ll be here for you.”
Maybe it was the way he sounded so sincere, maybe it was the way Clay hung on to every syllable that passed the lips he wished he could kiss or hell, maybe it was the fact he hadn’t slept properly in months but the way George said “best friend” had him falling. Falling so hard he felt like once he hit the ground he wouldn’t ever get back up and he couldn’t believe that he let himself get this far.
How could he have let himself be so deeply in love? It would have been simple to avoid yet he sits here in his own sweat, body constantly shaking so hard he felt he might snap and fingers so tightly dug into his skin it was numbingly painful.
“I’m sorry.” This time, he hardened his tone, trying to not let it break and he reached for his mouse. “I didn’t mean to bother you all or worry anyone.”
“Clay wait-”
And with that he clicked the end button and laid his head on the desk, letting the quiet night over take him as sobs wracked his chest at his overused desk. Dust particles entranced him as the tears dripped down his still red face and he just watched, rubbing his hands along his cheeks every few seconds and sniffling.
--------------------------------------------------
“Hey? Are you dead?” the brunette said and laughed as he watched his boyfriend snap out of whatever trance he seemed to be in. Instinctively, the younger chuckled too, rubbing his free hand along his sweat soaked neck and grimacing at the feeling.
“Now that wouldn’t be fair to you if I just dropped dead. You’d miss me too much.”
George scoffed and shoved Clay lightly, staring at the ground as they walked along the uneven paths to their house.
“Cocky as usual, I see.”
“Yet you still date me. I wonder who’s the real loser here.”
They both laughed again and smiled warmly, George’s eyes now fixated on his lover and appreciating every angle he could see right now even if it was under the dull and yellow light of the streetlamps.
Leaves brushed against themselves in the ever prevailing wind which caused small whistling sounds to entrance all those nearby from the swaying grass. Everything felt pink tinted which may have been because the two at this moment felt so deeply in love or maybe everything felt this sweet and bright during the terrible summers of Florida and Clay had just never noticed.
Looking at his lover, the blond decided it was the former.
“What had you been thinking about?” George finally decided to ask.
“Nothing special.”
“No, I know the look you had. It was either something about me or that one stream you sent me feet pics-”
“Oh my god I fucking hate you!” Clay exclaimed, laughing, letting go of his boyfriend's hand and going to ruffle up the brown and damp hair, lightly shoving as he ran his hand along the shorter’s neck and shook his head.
“You are so fucking stupid, holy shit,” the blond teased and pure joy hung in the air and he looked up at the stars with a small, begrudge smile on his face.
“So it was the feet pics, wasn’t it?”
“George, I will break up with you right now,” Clay warned but they both knew he wasn’t serious.
Finally, after a few seconds of calming down, the taller continued to inspect the stars, running his fingers along his lover’s closely cut hair and enjoying the feeling as he kept thinking.
“I was thinking about how I felt before I confessed. How you almost broke me since I loved you so much.”
The two flushed red at the statement as if they hadn’t said worse before but it felt different right now as they made their way closer to their house, the porch lights seen from a close distance as they tried not to stumble along the cracks in the old concrete.
“Hm, really,” George replied, slowly reaching behind his head to grab the younger’s hand and intertwine their fingers once more. He stared at the way their hands fit so perfectly; it was like it was meant to be that way. Like they were formed solely for this and to be together. Everything about that seemed right and he was prideful in his thought process. He was proud of their love.
“But right now, I think we both need to go to bed.” With that, Clay picked up George and clung the small frame to his chest, the other male making a small surprised noise as his fingers splayed across his boyfriends chest in panic.
“I thought we talked about randomly picking me up,” the brunette scolded but deep down they both knew this was all in good fun and especially this was true when the older laid his face along Clay’s shoulder.
Love dripped from the air as usual whenever the two were around and they were grateful to have each other close, even though it took so much to get where they were right now.