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if you asked anyone, they'd describe juyeon as a good person, perhaps a bit boring that'd be him saying it. someone hard to understand, a complex book to read, something like herman hesse's demian maybe. an old soul, a coffee addict. juyeon himself knew how people could view him, as he was laying on his couch in his tiny apartment at the moment, rain pouring outside, he wondered which one of those if any or all were true to sunwoo. he wasn't sure how the younger viewed him exactly, the only thing he was aware of was that he kept coming back to him.
juyeon liked the sound of raindrops hitting his window, so he lit his first cigarette of the night.
and what did rain and smoke have in common? juyeon didn't know, if he thought about it, a dystopian image would probably come to mind. factories and their chimneys, producing smoke all over, poison rain washing down the grey streets with neon signs hanging from neighbourhood buildings, illuminating the otherwise depressing atmosphere. he didn't know. he liked smoke and rain just the same, in his own world.
juyeon took a long drag of his cigarette, taking a second before exhaling. he wasn't a fancy smoker, he just liked the slight burn. if sunwoo was here he'd probably tell him how disgusting it smelled in his apartment when he didn't smoke by the window, throw a tantrum when juyeon attempted to kiss him.
juyeon smiled to himself. and then heard the knock on his front door, he stubbed out the cigarette in the tray, enough to extinguish it and got up to open the door even if he wasn't expecting anyone at eight fifteen at night.
"can i come in?"
and there he stood, his sunshine. not at all shining at the current, instead soaked to the bone in rain, his curly hair sticking out from under his black hoodie. juyeon opened the door wider and invited him in, sunwoo made a face immediately after putting a foot inside.
"smoking again?" he took off his shoes, putting them next to juyeon's own, leaving his backpack on the floor too. "you know it kills, right?" sunwoo says, going straight to the window. "and it smells like satan's ashes mixed with piss,"
juyeon chuckled. "creative," he took his place on the couch again, sitting down this time, reaching for his abandoned cigarette only to have sunwoo smack his hand before he could even light it.
"don't you dare," he then proceeded to take out his phone from his pocket, wrapped in what appears to be a yellow plastic bag, to juyeon's amusement. "what? it's better than bathing my phone in rain water, might as well pocket a rubber duck while i'm at it next time."
"i've got one in the bathroom," juyeon said, mirth still evident in his gaze.
"thanks," sunwoo unlocks his phone and sets to open the gallery. "i've got something to show you."
sunwoo didn't expect for rain to catch him before he could go home and still decided to go to juyeon, whose place was even farther away from his home. he opened the latest picture he took and showed it to juyeon.
"oh," juyeon took the phone from sunwoo's hand and examined the image. the art he had created again, on someone else's expense.
a black car door, that was once boring now had a blue butterfly spray painted on it, paint dripping down from it's wings, making it look like it was going to melt away before anything could capture it. juyeon zoomed in in quiet appreciation.
"do you like it?" sunwoo spoke, voice sounding rougher than before with how he was trying to speak quieter as if to not startle juyeon who seemed lost in thought.
"it's beautiful, sunshine," juyeon handed him the phone back, relaxing against the couch. "that's gonna be one lucky car owner, unless they want to be a bastard about it."
sunwoo smiled then, deep down hoping that the car owner doesn't have a butterfly phobia. he looked at juyeon, he was cold before but now there was a certain feeling of serenity with it. wordlessly, he got up to close the window, the air in the room was clearer.
he wondered what it'd be like if he couldn't go to juyeon one day, couldn't sit on this couch in his cheap apartment and be able to look at him like he could right now. what would it be if he couldn't show him his chaotic acts of vandalism that nobody caught him for as of yet and juyeon smiling and calling it beautiful, thin mouth and soft eyes.
sunwoo attempted to fix his damp hair, moving it around with his fingers, the sounds of rain still to be heard in the background. he couldn't do it, imagine the thing he'd hate the most in this world. juyeon was his.
"you're shivering," that shooed sunwoo's rampant thoughts away, dragging him back to reality and making him realize he was shaking.
sunwoo's smile had purpose now, as he got up from the couch and reached to the hem of his hoodie.
"and what?" he pulled it over his head along with the black t-shirt he was wearing under, leaving him on display for juyeon's eyes only. "are you going to take care of me now?" sunwoo said as he reached for the strings of his sweatpants, untying.
it didn't take long for juyeon to spring into action, getting up to take his own shirt and pants off. "of course i am," he pushes sunwoo forward until he's infront of the bathroom door and opens it for them. "let's warm you up."
everything felt good with juyeon, sunwoo recalled once again as the other massaged shampoo into his scalp with care, directing him back under the steady stream of water. the world may be fucked up… but staying with juyeon made sunwoo feel just a little bit more sane.
juyeon was care where sunwoo lacked it, he was grounded while sunwoo was free falling and sunwoo was addicted to how at home juyeon made him feel every time even if he never dared to put a name to it. to any of his feelings.
the steam was thick when it was juyeon's turn to wash up after he took care of sunwoo.
"get the towel and go get dressed, i'll be out in a few."
sunwoo listened… partially. "who said i want to get dressed?" before he closed the door.
and while sunwoo liked how juyeon grounded him, juyeon liked how sunwoo made him feel as if he could fly. it made him fall and fall… juyeon knew he was inlove, and any other fool would've noticed that he was too. it burned him ten times more than the cigarette smoke he inhaled sometimes, because it was so easy to love sunwoo for him. he loved him now, loved him when he grumbled and made faces at juyeon's smoking habit. he loved him when he whined and writhed under him, heavy breaths and a sweaty forehead. juyeon could be a fool but in this life, he didn't mind being a fool for his sunshine.
with that thought, he got out of the shower, towel hanging low on his hips and headed to the only room he had, his bedroom. he found sunwoo there, sitting on his bed leaning towards the wall.
just as he said, he hadn't dressed in any of juyeon's clothes he usually offered him and opted to stay with the towel on instead.
juyeon ignored the heat spreading through him when sunwoo looked at him from under his still wet bangs with all the fire in this world and took the hairdryer out from his closet.
sunwoo looked at him, counting the time he could put off telling him exactly how he felt. "you said you'll take care of me,"
"and i will," juyeon assured as he plugged the thing in, getting on with drying sunwoo's unruly hair. he ran his fingers through it, making sure to dry it well as sunwoo ran his fingers down his chest, making it harder for juyeon to focus. steady hands and everything, no more than five minutes later he was done.
sunwoo left a couple kisses on his pecks before taking the hairdryer from juyeon. "your turn now, come on,"
he had juyeon sit down while he stood up between his legs and got to work. juyeon closed his eyes and let him, thinking of how his heart could've been hurting but he chose to not pay it any mind. he put his arms around sunwoo's waist instead, rubbing the soft skin with his thumbs from time to time.
when it was near time to turn the dryer off, sunwoo looked down at juyeon, stopping to stare at his long eyelashes and he knew… that if he wanted to count every single one of them, juyeon would let him, probably even be proud of him for it.
he turned off the dryer, setting it on the night stand and putting a hand under juyeon's chin so he could make him look up at him.
"you know," sunwoo smiles, real this time, with the need to reveal all of his shadowed feelings. "it feels like heaven when you're touching me."
juyeon kisses his stomach, words on the tip of his tongue i love you. instead he rises to his height and kisses sunwoo deep, pulling him closer by the waist, emotion seeping through his dry heart like rain was soaking the ground outside, sunwoo was his. he pulled away breathless, resting his forehead against sunwoo's.
"sunshine," as careful as always, juyeon said it in a whisper.
"what?" and if hope could be mixed into one word, that one word was probably it for sunwoo. he was barely holding on, holding unspilled tears back and feelings at bay, he…
"i'm inlove with you," juyeon whispered. "i love you."
sunwoo smiled wide, crashing his face againt juyeon's shoulder and laughing. a big weight lifted off his shoulders. he hugged him tighter than before as if juyeon could dissapear all of a sudden, slip away from his embrace without notice before he looked back at him.
"i love you, you fool."
juyeon smiled, kissing him again. he should've guessed that to sunwoo, he wasn't any of the things he was to other people.