Work Text:
In those morning rays with his cheek against the pillow, Kyungsoo watched Baekhyun’s back as he slept and felt, for the first time, fear.
Fear had never been a word in Kyungsoo’s vocabulary. At least, not in the profound sense. Nothing like Yixing’s fear of failure or Jongdae’s fear of being alone. Ever since he was young he lived without fear of the future. It was the kind of person he was to forget the past and acknowledge yet ignore the future, a be and let be mentality that freed him of worry. Not quite carelessness but certainly not obsessiveness. Being afraid wasn’t in his blood, or so he’d thought. But now he wondered if that was true. Was he really afraid of nothing? Or had he not found anything to be afraid of?
He was scared of this, he’d found. Of waking up in the mornings beside Baekhyun. Of going to bed with him and staying the night. Of loving him, in his entirety, and giving all of himself to this person who could abandon him at any moment and leave him on the ground with nothing.
Baekhyun wouldn’t do that. But what if?
“Mm...” with a quiet sound, Baekhyun turned over. His brow was furrowed and he reached out blindly in front of him. Kyungsoo watched. After a moment of struggle he leaned forward and let Baekhyun’s fingers find his face, surrendering to Baekhyun’s sleepy ministrations as he traced his jaw and moved to his neck. Sliding closer, Baekhyun pulled his palm over his skin until it rested on his back and they were nearly face to face, except that Baekhyun had his head tilted to bury underneath Kyungsoo’s chin. Kyungsoo held his breath. Baekhyun let his go.
“Good morning,” Baekhyun mumbled, voice rough from waking.
“Good morning,” Kyungsoo said.
It was coming, Kyungsoo knew. Baekhyun’s favorite game to play in the mornings. He closed his eyes and basked in the warmth of the sun but the inevitable came too soon for him to fall asleep again. “Tell me what you’re thinking about.”
“You,” Kyungsoo said.
“What about me?”
“I’m afraid of you. Of how easily you could ruin me. Because of how much I... how much I care about you.”
“Hm.” Baekhyun sounded a bit like he was smiling as he said, “That’s a lot to think about in the morning.”
“I know.”
“Ask me what I’m thinking about.”
“What are you thinking about?”
“You,” Baekhyun said, softly.
“... What about me?”
“How much I love you,” Baekhyun said. “And how much I wish you’d trust that I do. Also... how much I wish you’d say it back to me.”
“I...”
“I’m kidding. It’s okay. But I do love you. And I do wish you’d trust me.”
How could he? There had to be some fear there, with how preciously Kyungsoo held him in his heart, that fear of him being taken away. How could anyone trust to that extent?
“Don’t force yourself,” Baekhyun said, sounding sleepy again. “I believe that you’ll tell me it one day. Because I know you love me. Don’t you?”
“Yeah,” Kyungsoo said. “I do.”
“Mm.”
He could feel Baekhyun’s smile against his skin. It was a promise, then. One day, he’ll say those words.
I love you.