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One of Dick Grayson’s many and varied talents was that he could fall asleep just about anywhere. Wally had always hypothesized that a combination of an erratic sleeping schedule as a teenager and beyond, and a childhood spent sleeping in train cars and amoung the comforting chaos of a traveling circus had imprinted this particular ability on him. Really, it should be considered a superpower, but the few times Wally had teasingly brought up that possibility Dick had only ever laughed at him. Go figure.
Observation: Over a decade of witnessing the subject sound asleep in the oddest places. These include, but are not limited to, car passenger seats, team meetings in the former headquarters of Mount Justice, subway trains, noisy restaurants (in the middle of a date), and just about any place he could perch himself within Wayne Mansion. Hell, Wally had caught Dick snoozing in the alcoves of the Bat Cave more times than he could count.
It was a symptom and it’s own solution, he reasoned. Dick was conditioned for long nights, going stretches of 24 hours and more without proper sleep. Sometimes he could control it, could lie down for a nap and wake up refreshed and ready to take on the world. Other times he was just… tired.
Regardless, Wally had always been impressed by Dick’s seemingly innate ability to sleep in just about any situation. There was a catch, though; it didn’t always been that he slept well.
Wally first became aware of the shifts in the mattress next to him at some unknown hour of the night – so subtle at first that as he blinked blearily awake and stared at the moon drenched ceiling in the dark, he found himself staring at the cascading raindrops projected from the window in cool blue light before he even realised what woke him up in the first place. Dick, laying on his side with his back to Wally, twitching with hitched breaths, fist clenched so tightly into his pillow that Wally thought it might rip.
The common terrors of the night were no stranger in their bed. To either of them. It was something they’d learned to adapt to over the years; knew how to wake each other up, how to judge the severity, how to be a safe anchor. Wally took a moment to groan himself awake, rubbing the heels of his palms into his eyes, before rolling over. He smoothed a hand over Dick’s back, to his shoulder, the back of his neck. He knew well not to shake Dick awake at this point. Soft touch helped. Gave him something to ground himself, a guiding light to guide him back. Dick’s t-shirt was damp with sweat, but it didn’t deter Wally for a moment from slipping his open hand under Dick’s shirt to touch the slick skin.
“Babe, hey,” he murmured. “Hey, c’mon, you’re okay. I’ve got ya. Dick, wake up.” His voice started out as a whisper and settled into a comfortable volume to ease Dick awake.
And it worked. Wally could only credit that to the worse nightmares he’s weathered with Dick. Too much experience. It was nothing dramatic as Dick woke up – his body went tense and lax in the span of a few seconds, the nightmare leaving him with a great sigh. Dick opened his eyes, blinked, took in a slow breath and held it before letting it out with a groan as he rolled onto his back. All the while, Wally kept rubbing his shoulders, shifting over to let Dick settle again and likewise detouring his hand to his bicep.
Wally watched Dick attentively as he reoriented himself with their bedroom, the familiar shadows of a shirt flung over the chair in the corner and a wilting fern on the windowsill. Outside, February sleet continued to the window. Finally, Dick sighed again, and scrubbed his hand down his face.
Wally swiped his hand up to the base of Dick’s neck, his thumb tracing along the edge of his jaw. “You good?”
Dick seemed to consider it for a moment before nodding. He didn’t say anything in response, not aloud, but did push himself up on his elbows to peck Wally on the mouth in silent thanks. Then, swinging his legs over the bed, he stood and padded his way over to the bathroom. As the door shut, the light flicked on inside, yellow leaking out through the gaps and onto the rippling covers of their bed. Wally heard the faucet turn on a moment later.
That Dick hadn’t told him what the nightmare was about didn’t really surprise Wally – partly why he hadn’t really asked. It hadn’t been a bad one, didn’t leave Dick gasping and crying out, thrashing hard enough to push Wally off the mattress. Even still, the smaller, quiet horrors tended to linger. With Dick taking some time to calm down in the bathroom, Wally smothered a yawn into the back of his hand and rolled over the other way to switch his bedside lamp on. Bit of a habit they had, but not in so many words. Wally would stay up with Dick until he’d fallen asleep again, reading a book he’d left on his nightstand. Having some company always made the aftershocks a little more bearable.
Within a few minutes, Dick was emerging from the bathroom again, flicking the light off as he returned. He’d taken his sweat-soaked shirt off and tossed it into the hamper as he passed it. Also looked like he’d splashed some water on his face and through his hair. The colour had returned to his skin, Wally noticed as Dick rounded back to his side of the bed, flipped his pillow over to the cooler side, and promptly forgot about it. Dick, with all the grace in the world he possessed, used approximately nil as he flopped onto the bed. His head jabbed into Wally’s ribcage, half into his armpit, and forced a quiet grunt out of him on impact. Wally nearly dropped his book, some science-fiction paperback he’d picked up the last time they were laid-over in an airport. Lifting his other arm to accommodate his fiancé, Wally settled back against the pillows, perfectly content in the lofty silence. The patter of a February storm. The whir of a faulty wire in the lamp. Dick’s slow and even breathing.
“Why do you want to marry me?”
The question didn’t really catch Wally off guard as much as it should have, but that could have been the late hour and his sluggish head. Dick had taken his engagement ring from the dresser and was turning it over in the midnight mix of warm and cool light from the lamp and the window.
“Huh?” Wally murmured, slow to compute.
Dick pinched the ring between his forefinger and thumb, peered through it like a telescope. “Why do you want to marry me?” he asked, tilting his head back to spy up at Wally.
Wally chuckled and nudged him with his heel. “Hey, this was your idea too,” he pointed out. “You’re legally just as culpable in this disaster.”
“Equally a guilty party?” Dick grinned.
Wally flipped a page. “Uh huh.”
“Okay but like –“ Dick started and stops again, rolling over now so that he was laying half on top of Wally, on top of the covers. He reached out, took the book from Wally’s hand, and tossed it onto the bedside table. “I mean the first time. Why?”
Wally sort of searched his face, because now the question was catching up and he was very much off guard. Dick’s oddities settled into place accounted for, no explaining it away as those pale blue eyes watched him intently, waiting for the answer. But there was no sadness there, no forelorn looks, no hurt or insecurity. Just an earnest question. Wally couldn’t help but wonder now what that nightmare had been about. Still, he played along. “What like I needed a reason? I loved you.”
“Past tense.”
“Get your elbow outta my ribs and I’ll reconsider.”
Dick rolled his eyes and complied, shifting to lay his head more comfortably on Wally’s shoulder. Wally, in turn, drew his arm casually around Dick’s shoulder. “No, no, but listen,” Dick started up again, gesturing with his hands as he spoke, “there’s always a reason, y’know? Maybe not like a reason reason. It could be a hundred different little things. But whenever someone makes a big decision like that there’s always a trigger for it.”
Wally struggled at first to keep up, but got the gist of what he was saying. “Well, what was yours this time?” he asked, smirking as he flicked Dick’s ear. “Since you would have so cruelly declined, had I made my intended first offer.”
Dick batted his hand away. “Let it go.”
“Oh no, I’m holding that one forever.”
“Alright, fair,” Dick laughed. “Trick question, though.”
“How?”
“It was already on my mind,” he shrugged. “Since you… y’know, came back and we talked about it, I just… kinda felt like we’d decided it already. Done deal. But we were just waiting for the right time.”
“And the right time was?” Wally prompted.
Dick went quiet for a moment, trailing the path of the thick globs of sleet as their shadows slipped across their ceiling. “…Last September.”
“Hm?”
“When we were at the Cave, after me and Damian had that bad run-in with Brutale.”
Wally frowned. “I wasn’t there for that.”
“For the encounter, I know,” Dick replied. “After. It was late when we managed to turn him in and get back. Damian was out of it.”
Nodding as the lines began to connect, Wally idly twisted his fingers in the ends of Dick’s hair. “Wasn’t that the night he got disarmed? He came back looking so pale.”
“Yeah,” Dick murmured, “and he wasn’t taking it well. I just… remember coming out of the shower and seeing you getting him a powerade and a bag of chips. And then you left him alone.”
“That’s it?” Wally lifted his head to get a better look down at him, unable to keep the confusion off his face.
Dick tilted his head back with a smirk. “You didn’t crowd him.”
“Well yeah. He hates that.”
“Exactly. You knew that. You just took care of him in the way he actually needed,” Dick explained. He shifted closer, attention drifting back to the ring. “I just… I dunno, I realised then that… y’know, we’ve been waiting for the time to be right, and that was it. You’re already a part of my family.”
The surge of pride Wally felt swelling in his chest in response to that was nearly enough to make his heart skip – he was almost certain Dick could head it. It was one of those things that was mostly unsaid but universally known, but to hear it out loud… it was a quiet euphoria. Wally pulled Dick a little closer, pressing his lips to his temple, before grinning against his skin. “So wait, you’re saying you used to Dog Test, but instead of a dog you used your little brother.”
“Fuck off,” Dick nudged at his shoulder with a snicker. He tried to move away, but Wally only held him down tighter, pressing a couple more sloppy kisses to his cheek and jaw before they both settled again. “But that was it, you get it?” Dick said, voice still rich with laughter as he set the ring back on the nightstand. “Like that was the moment. I always had it in the back of my mind but that was when I really knew – I mean, I’ve always known, but that was when I realised I’d been ready for a while already.”
Wally sighed, a faint smile lingering on his lips. “I kinda like that.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah…”
“So?”
And there was the harder part. When the next sigh came, it filled his whole body, lifted his chest and left him feeling nothing bit deflated. A little embarrassed. Wally felt Dick’s eyes on him as he wriggled his way free from their tangle on the mattress and walked over to the window, turning off the bedside lamp with a click as he passed. He cranked the window open, just enough to let a bit of cold air through. It played in the messy tresses of his hair, a breathful of fresh air in the sweaty heat of the apartment. Wally leaned against the windowsill, arms folded, staring out into the rain-hazy lights of Bludhaven. “Promise not to get mad?”
He heard Dick shifting, sitting up in bed. “Of course.”
Wally closed his eyes, inviting the chill. “I kinda felt like I was losing you, back then,” he confessed hesitantly. “And it’s not like I was just bringing up marriage so I could rope you in, y’know? Trying to lock you down… It’s just that there’s never been anyone else for me,” he grinned at Dick’s reflection on the glass. “It’s not that I was really afraid of that breaking down… okay, I guess in some way I was, but it was more just… me wanting to show you that I wasn’t going anywhere. Even if it was hard sometimes,” Wally carded his fingers back through his hair. “Probably, uh… were some easier ways to get that across but yeah.” Pushing away from the window, Wally faced Dick again. “I guess there was still a bit of Kansas in me. Itchin’ to get hitched as soon as humanly possible.”
Dick shook his head, laughing along as he beckoned Wally back into bed. Wally, more than happy to comply, crawled back in, wrapped his arms around Dick’s waist, and with a playful growl began a relentless attack on his neck. He kissed his way up to Dick’s cheek, Dick squirming, trying to “escape” his villainous plot. The fight left him the moment Wally caught his lips. Dick sighed into it, arms sliding up and around Wally’s shoulders. Wally settled himself on top of Dick, knee between his legs, holding him close with a gentle rocking as he worked his way back down Dick’s neck.
Dick, eyes half-lidded, trailed his fingers through Wally’s hair, over his scalp. “Things would have been different,” he said, voice airy.
“Good different?” Wally murmured against Dick’s jugular.
“Irrelevant different.”
Wally paused there, lifting his head and propping himself up again on his arms. “If it was irrelevant you wouldn’t have brought it up, babe.”
Whether Dick conceded to that, Wally wasn’t sure. In either case, most other thoughts drifted freely from his mind as Dick cupped his face in his hands. Dick’s face was washed in the blue night, all beautifully monochrome and breathtaking. “If I dwelled on every single event in my life that I’d go back and change if I could, I would never get anywhere. Of course there are things I’d give anything to go back and change, but I can’t,” he murmured, thumbs caressing against Wally’s cheekbones. He sighed. “I don’t know. I think it’s less about how things might have played out differently, and more just… why you wanted to in the first place.”
That was it. Everything clicked neatly into place, then. Not like puzzle pieces finding the bigger picture, or gears slipping into their positions and setting everything in motion. More like… molecules aligning. Making matter. Reality slowly condensing.
“Richard John Grayson, are you trying to rationalize why I love you?”
Dick didn’t respond at first, not even to scold Wally for full-naming him. Couldn’t seem to find the words he needed, and so contented himself with just holding Wally’s bewildered head in his hands while he searched for them. “I spent years thinking about it. Some nights it was all I could think about,” he murmured. “I was afraid I’d missed a moment.”
“A moment…?”
“The moment…” Dick paused for a moment and dropped his hands from Wally’s face, giving the front of his shirt a soft tug. Wally followed his guidance, dropping down onto his side as Dick turned into him. The two of them slotted together effortlessly, Dick pushing his forehead against Wally’s shoulder. “It’s stupid, I just-“
“No, it’s not,” Wally gently admonished him. Dick took in a slow, steadying breath. Wally felt the heat of his body against his chest, and the flow of cool air at his back, seeping down his neck. He pulled the covers up tighter around them.
“I’d convinced myself that at some point there was a moment when you’d decided to buy that ring, and I had missed it. I’d taken too much for granted, and… maybe if I’d just seen it, I could have changed things, or just at least understood why… y’know.”
Wally realised then that even as much Dick has healed, even now that Wally is in his life, living and breathing each day, that dark period would always be there. His death had caused collateral damage, and his return could not just erase that time. There would always been little scars. Even now. Wally couldn’t help wondering what exactly that nightmare had been about, but he could guess. He brushed the dark hair from his fiancé’s face. “Dick…”
“It’s not that you ever made me think you couldn’t-”
“No, I know-“
“Or that you never showed it or say it-“
“Babe-“
“I mean, that’s not what I’m trying to say, it’s-“
“Dick.” Wally cupped the side of Dick’s head to get his attention, coaxing him to meet his eyes. “I get it. Okay? You don’t have to make excuses.”
The remaining tension trickled its way out of Dick’s body, an emptying reservoir. Wally could feel it dripping out of him. Guiding him in for a kiss, breathing into it and taking his time, Wally allowed Dick the time to internalize everything he’d said. Something to keep in his back pocket for the next time these thoughts crept up on him. When they parted, Wally tucked Dick’s head against his shoulder again, and shifted to that he could lie on his back and stare up at the ceiling, at the march of the raindrops reflected onto the plaster.
Eventually, he felt Dick’s breathing begin to slow. Wally went back to playing with his hair, massaging his scalp and twisting his fingers through the dark locks. Sleep was close to claiming them both again by the time Wally spoke again. “April 16th, 2016.”
“Hm?” Dick hummed, eyes still closed.
“The day I bought the ring.”
Wally felt Dick frown against his shoulder, before Dick lifted his head to blink tiredly back at him. “Don’t remember anything special about that day…”
“Because nothing special happened,” Wally replied. “Aside from buying it. I’d already decided a thousand times before that, and before I even knew it. And it may have not been for the best reasons, but… I never really needed one reason, or one moment. S’just never how I looked at it. I love you,” Wally smiled, “Present tense. All the reason I need.”
Dick stared up at him, not wide eyed and not nearly anything so shocked, but with a glean something closer to adoration. He dropped his head against Wally’s shoulder again, a sleepy smile on his lips. “Don’t know if you know this…”
“What?” Wally’s hand returned to its ministrations on Dick’s scalp.
Dick’s smile widened, eyes fluttering closed. “You’re kinda my best friend.”
Wally grinned in return. “Wanna hear something stupid?”
“Yeah,” Dick yawned.
Wally pressed kiss after lazy kiss to Dick’s forehead, his temple, any inch of him he could each, lulling him into a peaceful slumber. “You’re kinda mine too.”