Archive of Our Own

After another draining round of tests and whatever else the doctors felt was necessary to discuss, the worst possible place Kaoru could be was isolated in a hospital room with nothing to distract him from every physical and non-physical thing that ailed him. His anxiety wouldn’t allow his mind to be quiet for a single moment and the thought of being stuck with that was anxiety inducing in itself. An ironic thing anxiety is … 

With assistance, he reentered his suffocating hospital room and with even more assistance, he made himself as comfortable as he could in his hospital bed. As doctors left, he felt the weight of his loneliness settle around him. Normally, he’d be happy to have some time alone — he would practice calligraphy or tinker with something — but his injuries made it difficult to take part in any of the activities that would normally bring him peace. He had nothing to do to pass the time. He supposed listening to music and perhaps trying to get some sleep was the only course of action. Though, his anxiety mixed with the unfamiliar and uncomfortable environment would likely make that impossible. 

He huffed as he tried to settle in the bed. He forced his eyes closed and focussed on calming his breathing. This was going to be a long few days.

“Kaoru?” Soft and familiar. Turning his head as much as he could without hurting himself, his eyes landed on the owner of the voice.

“Kojiro?” Kaoru acted surprised. He had expected Kojiro to come by at some point but from the time frame, it was safe to assume he’d never left. “I told you to go home.”

“You didn’t mean that, though,” Kojiro smirked, entering the room. While Kojiro was right, Kaoru had too much pride to admit it. Yes, he was glad he wasn’t alone. And Kojiro knew him well enough to understand he was right. “I’m staying till visiting hours are over.”

Kaoru sighed, “Does your life revolve around me?” 

Kojiro pulled a chair next to where Kaoru lay. “Maybe just a little bit.” He did nothing to hide the fondness in his voice. Kaoru couldn’t decide whether to kiss him or throw up. He did neither. “But that’s only because your life revolves around me.”

“You wish, you stupid gorilla,” Kaoru scoffed. Kojiro smiled at him. How did one man carry so much love in him? 

“I talked to Shadow and Miya,” Kojiro said, “they should be coming by tomorrow. I wouldn’t want you to be without company for too long so while I’m working they’ve agreed to stay with you.” 

“I don’t need your concern, Kojiro. Don’t coddle me.” Kaoru would have crossed his arms but, of course, his arms didn’t have their full motion. He opted to simply turn his nose up.

“Don’t be stubborn… They’re rightfully worried about you.” 

That was fair enough. From an outsider's perspective, the whole event must have looked as sudden and as gruesome as it had felt. Honestly, the whole thing was unreal. If it weren’t for the agony his body was feeling, he wouldn’t have believed anything happened at all. The only evidence of the event (other than his several casts and splints) was the bitter taste in the back of his throat at the memory that he couldn’t get rid of no matter how much he tried. 

“I’m apprehensive about subjecting a child to my current state,” Kaoru explained. Miya was young. He questioned the idea that he should be at S in the first place.

“He’s 13,” Kojiro retorted.

“Exactly. A child.” 

“When does some stop being a child?” Kojiro leaned back in his chair.

“At 18 years of age. Though, you threaten to disprove that fact.” Kaoru smirked to himself. 

Kojiro scoffed, “I’m childish? Who sneaks out of the hospital against doctors orders, brainiac?” 

That was a fair play. In his haze, Kaoru may not have been thinking as clearly as he would have liked. Of course, it was a logically flawed decision and something he should not have done. But he also had gained a fair night’s rest — something the hospital would have stolen from him. What’s done was done and there was no point bringing it up to question Kaoru’s maturity. So what if he wanted the comforting familiarity of Kojiro’s warm voice and homey restaurant atmosphere? He was only human.

“Kojiro?” Kaoru asked. Kojiro hummed in response to indicate he was listening. “What were you going to say?”

“What?” Kojiro tilted his head a very similar way to how dogs do when they’re confused. 

“Before the race — you were going to say something but you hesitated like a coward… then I cut you off.” S wasn’t the time nor place for sincerities. Though, with Kaoru, he rarely found time for them anyway. Kojiro was always the emotional one. Or at least the one who could show emotions fairly freely — a skill Kaoru wasn’t as accustomed to. 

“Oh…” Kojiro was hesitating all over again. It was needlessly frustrating. “I don’t even know.” 

Kaoru wanted to hit him. What an irritating and blatantly untrue response. 

“You’re useless…” Kaoru spouted. That was probably harsh. But surely, the least Kojiro could do is have the decency to tell him what he had intended to. 

“I am not! Who was it who carried you out of there, huh?” He had a point. 

“I don’t know, I was practically unconscious,” Kaoru lied. He remembered. But this would likely yield a funnier result.

“You know it was me! Who else would have?!” Kojiro whined.

Kaoru shrugged to the best of his ability, “Sure… Whatever you say, Kojiro.” 

The gorilla mumbled various insults and other phrases Kaoru couldn’t quite catch under his breath. Kaoru felt the need to smile. To quell the urge, he grabbed and squeezed Kojiro’s hand, much to Kojiro’s surprise.

“Kojiro?” he said as softly as he could.

“Kaoru,” Kojiro parroted.

“I’m tired…” Kaoru sighed. 

“You should be resting,” Kojiro advised as if he had any authority to advise.

“Do the thing…” Kaoru tugged on Kojiro’s hand.

“T-the thing? Kaoru! You’re being clingy.” 

“I’m injured, you buffoon, you have to do as I say,” Kaoru contended, shifting to the side to make room as best he could. 

With a heavy sigh, Kojiro took up the remaining room in the hospital bed. Kaoru basically climbed on top of him to make sure there was enough room. It was a painful endeavour but if he could end up sleeping even a wink, it was worthwhile. 

As Kaoru settled against Kojiro’s chest, his eyes fell shut. Slowly, softly and hesitantly, fingers moved through Kaoru’s hair, and a low hum lilted in such a way that created the simplest tune. Absolute bliss. With the comfort of Kojiro’s song and the relaxing repetition of him running fingers through his hair, Kaoru soon fell asleep.

-:-:-

Kaoru grew restless. Even if he had something to do, there was a high chance that he simply wouldn’t be able to do it. The pain was still unbearable and moving was certainly not an option. All he could do was ask Carla to play music or audiobooks or literally anything that might distract him, even momentarily. 

But, as if someone were reading his foggy mind, a nervous head peaked into the room. A wave of relief washed over Kaoru as he could finally release tension he didn’t know he was holding. He smiled to the best of his ability despite the aching in his jaw.

“Miya?” Kaoru had been expecting him but it was still a nice surprise. The boy stepped inside quietly and sat himself down. Miya stared down at the floor; something told Kaoru he was entirely just in his apprehension to let Miya see him like this. “Are you well?” 

Miya nodded slightly. He opened his mouth to speak. While he and Kaoru had gotten along fairly well, the age disparity and general lack of connection made this whole situation feel slightly awkward. Kaoru didn’t feel worthy of the child’s time. Hell, homework was probably more important than Kaoru. He was boring, after all. 

“How bad is it?” Miya mumbled, eyes shifting up momentarily. “Does it hurt a lot?”

“No…” Kaoru lied. It hurt plenty but the tiny quiver in the kid’s voice made him feel the need to reassure him. “I’m okay, I promise.”

With that, Miya finally met his gaze. And an uncomfortable silence took over the atmosphere. Kaoru didn’t know how to interact with people his own age let alone a 13 year old. What do they even do with their time? What do they even care about? Maybe he should have shut down this idea entirely. It seemed to not be serving either of them.

Suddenly, Miya was unzipping his bag. He pulled out a familiar box and offered it to Kaoru. 

“Joe mentioned you liked these… I thought I’d bring some.” Kaoru took the box and smiled warmly. While he wasn’t one to enjoy sweets now, he had loved these treats as a teenager.

“Thank you, Miya, that’s incredibly thoughtful of you.” Kaoru placed the box to the side. He likely wouldn’t eat them but he would definitely treasure them. Already, whenever they caught his eye, he couldn’t help but smile just the tiniest bit. 

Kaoru caught a glimpse of Miya’s nails. They were painted green and purple — some had glitter on them. Kaoru had never seen Miya paint his nails. Or at least had never noticed. They hadn’t spent much time together until recently though, so he wasn’t surprised.

“I like your nailpolish,” Kaoru said, trying to gesture with his head. A shock down his spine indicated he should simply try and stay still. “The colours are pretty.”

“Want me to paint yours?” Miya said a little too bluntly. It took Kaoru a second to realise he was serious. 

“I— Um.” In reality, his nails had spent their fair share of time painted. Even the tiniest bit of rebellion had the sweetest taste. But now, he was a working man. Though, he realised he wouldn’t be working for a while. Professionality didn’t matter. If he so desired, he could have the 13 year old paint his nails. Something about that idea sat well with him. “Yeah, I guess you can if you’d like.” 

The child smiled genuinely for the first time since he’d entered the hospital room. It brought a great deal of comfort to Kaoru. Miya fished through his bag and brought out the same green and purple that matched his own nails. The purple Kaoru was happy about; the green would cause Kojiro to make his fair share of comments and something about that irritated him already. But there was no part of him that was going to tell Miya what to do. The control freak in him was screaming but his empathy and general sense of courtesy appeased the desire. 

Miya reached for Kaoru’s hand and the heat of Miya’s skin against his own burned. Either he was freezing to death or Miya was the human equivalent of Eta Carinae. In all likelihood, it was both. 

“Your nails are really boring, Cherry…” Miya sighed as the cool of the nailpolish began to slide over his nails. Could he not have used any other word? As much as he hated to admit it, Adam had gotten to him. 

“As is the rest of me, I suppose.” He didn’t really mean to say that out loud. Doing so caused Miya to stop dead in his tracks. Could he stop making the kid uncomfortable for like 5 minutes? The last thing anyone would need when visiting their friend in the hospital was the self-deprecating comments that Kaoru’s brain seemed intent on making. 

“I don’t think you’re boring…” Miya mumbled, turning his attention back to Kaoru’s hand. “Don’t listen to him.”

“Right, of course. Sorry, I—“

“I think your skating is perfect,” Miya interjected, catching Kaoru off guard. How did such a simple sentence mean so much?

“Miya… I—” The kid wasn’t letting Kaoru get a single thought out.

“I’ve always admired your skating. You would have won that beef if Adam wasn’t so… You know what I mean. Everything you do has a purpose and it all makes sense and it’s beautiful. You have no idea…” 

Beautiful? Miya wasn’t known for being so open like that. Kaoru couldn’t believe what he had heard. Someone looked up to him? Admired him? He was a grown man. A child’s compliment meant nothing. Or it should mean nothing. Maybe not nothing. It should mean something . But it certainly shouldn’t mean this much. Kaoru’s heart squeezed as if Miya’s words had hugged it tight. What on Earth was this? How could one’s words make him feel so worthy? So loved? Especially the words coming from a boy who had a rather odd likeness to felines. 

Kaoru was not a hugger. But, if every bone and muscle in his body weren’t aching, he’d perhaps consider squeezing the boy in front of him. Or maybe not a hug. Maybe a head pat? Or a shoulder pat? Yeah. A nice shoulder pat. God, he was a helpless human being. He didn’t know what he was doing at all . 

“Miya… Those words carry a great deal of weight, you know?” Kaoru tried to appear as put together as he normally did but to no avail. He was rarely complimented like this — only when Kojiro was trying to fluster him. He was not equipped to deal with these situations.

“They only carry weight because you believe they’re not fact. I’m not saying this to make you feel better. It’s just the truth,” Miya explained, shrugging. “I forget to tell people the truth before it’s too late…” 

Reki … It was still eating at Miya. Kaoru wanted to do anything he could to take the burden away from the boy. He’d make note of it and come back to it later.

“Well… Even the best of us need to be reminded of truth sometimes… So, thank you.” 

By the evening, Kaoru was laughing. Miya was too. Full, happy, joyous laughs. Kaoru didn’t stop even when his ribs ached. He was having too much fun. And so was the kid. Who knew he and Miya would get along like this? It was wonderful. He hoped the happiness and lack of worry would ease him into unconsciousness later.

-:-:-

Kaoru awoke suddenly. He had been sleeping soundly for the first time in a while but something dared to end his slumber. Quickly glancing to his side, he saw Kojiro. 

“I was sleeping, you ape!” Kaoru hissed, but his throat was croakier than he had intended. It didn’t come off with the same level of viciousness he had imagined. In fact, it came off as more of a desperate whine. 

“I didn’t mean to wake you. Sorry.” Kojiro actually looked guilty. He knew about Kaoru’s sleeping patterns and how much more irritable he’d be when he hadn’t slept enough. If anything, Kojiro would do everything in his power to make sure Kaoru slept. He probably shouldn’t have been so immediately angry. 

“You owe me. You’re staying until visiting hours are over.” Even with the occasional visits, Kaoru was starting to lose it. While he hated people more than anything, he found he couldn’t function without them. Maybe it was the awareness that he was objectively better than everyone else that he would lose the more time he spent alone. He’d blame it on that regardless.

“Clingy…” Kojiro smirked.

“Moron…” Kaoru pouted.

Kaoru didn’t even notice that his hand was held in Kojiro’s until Kojiro lifted it up to look at it. 

“How did you manage this? You have one working arm,” Kojiro said, admiring Miya’s work.

“The child,” Kaoru said, simply.

“He has a name, Kaoru.” Kojiro rolled his eyes. 

Kaoru sighed, “Miya did them.” He glanced down at his nails and happiness filled his heart again. He’d grown admittedly fond of Miya. 

“Green, huh?” Kaoru knew this was coming. He pulled his hand away and crossed his arms as best he could.

“I didn’t choose it, dimwit. Don’t read into it,” Kaoru huffed. Kojiro chuckled softly. Kaoru scrunched his nose in response.

“I take it you had an alright time, then.” Kojiro leaned his elbow on the bed. It was as if he were trying to close the gap of space between them. And he called Kaoru clingy? “It wasn’t too much for ‘ the child ’ ?”

Kaoru rolled his eyes. He didn’t appreciate being mocked. It wasn’t his fault he’d never been taught how to interact with children. They were oftentimes too emotional and stubborn. He didn’t know how to deal with them. 

Although he supposed Miya could be categorised as stubborn. And emotional too. But he enjoyed Miya’s company. Odd.

“He’s a good kid, isn’t he?” Kojiro prompted.

“I would literally do anything for him,” Kaoru spilt the truth. He was more exhausted than he’d realised. The stupid gorilla had really interrupted a decent sleep. 

“Aw, Kaoru, you’re going soft,” Kojiro teased, giving the gentlest shoulder punch one could ever give (it felt like a passing breeze more than anything else).

“I am not soft. I would commit several violent crimes if it ensured that child’s happiness but I am not soft.”

So, maybe he was entirely soft on Miya. How could someone not be? Kojiro had mentioned Miya’s reaction to the events of a few nights ago. The poor kid felt the need to look away (as any rational human would). Kaoru simply wished he hadn’t been so blind to the reality of the situation. If he had realised everything sooner, nothing would have gone wrong and everyone witnessing the race would have been spared. Miya would have been spared. He could beat himself up about that beef for the next 10 years and so he tried to hold back. He couldn’t change what had happened even if he tried with all his might. It was simply in the past, as aggravating as it was. Instead, he turned his attention to the future.

“I need you to call Reki for me,” Kaoru stated. 

“Reki? Why?” Kojiro sat back up but pulled his chair closer.

“I need to talk with him. He’s been upset. I want to remedy that.” 

Kaoru was a problem solver. You couldn’t get through programming without it. He could easily pinpoint problems, find the most logical solution and perform it with minimal fuss. The core of several current problems was Reki’s poor mental state. He’d forgotten that people needed him — forgotten that people loved him. While Kaoru wasn’t necessarily the most outwardly affectionate, with evidence of Miya, Langa, and even Shadow’s behaviour he was sure to strike something within the miserable boy. Maybe it wasn’t his best solution but he couldn’t just do nothing. If he was going to be completely helpless while he recovered, the least he could do was try and help others. 

Unfortunately, Kojiro had picked up on Kaoru’s inability to do nothing and his overwhelming need to fix everyone around him. “Kaoru… Fixing problems is not a hobby,” Kojiro said firmly. Sometimes (when Kaoru was harbouring particularly high or sometimes impossible standards for himself) Kojiro would lose every single ounce of fondness in his tone. This indicated to Kaoru that maybe he was doing something wrong — usually something detrimentally wrong. But he couldn’t work out what was quite so wrong about this.

“I simply wish to help him realise that he’s worth more than he believes. He keeps comparing himself to Langa and that is simply idiotic. Langa’s gone through extensive training since his early childhood. Not even you could compete against him. His thinking is clearly irrational and I think that—“

What was it with people cutting him off? “Kaoru! No!” Kojiro seemed angry. No, not quite. It was rare Kojiro would ever exhibit any actual anger towards Kaoru. This wasn’t anger. It was hurt. He’d done something — said something — something was wrong. But he, again, had no idea what. “He’s not in the headspace to listen to reason… You don’t get it…”

“What do you mean? Explain.” Kaoru liked to learn. Any insight into someone’s mind was valuable. He hoped to understand.

“Okay, um…” Kojiro began, “You remember how I loved to play soccer as a kid?” Kaoru nodded. “And you remember how we got into highschool and I joined the soccer team?” Kaoru nodded. “I was so excited to finally play with people who loved it like me. But when it came to playing, I realised I was actually the worst player they had? So, I quit?” Oh.  

“Yes, I remember,” Kaoru affirmed.

“What did you tell me?”

“I told you that you were a coward and that if you gave up you would never get better.”

“And what did you do?”

Kaoru sighed, “I signed us both up to the soccer team.”

“And then what happened?”

“We got kicked out because we spent more time trying to trip each other over than we actually did playing soccer.”

Kojiro smiled. He clearly remembered it fondly. Kaoru did too, except the times Kojiro actually managed to trip him. He felt the same boiling rage that he did back then, just this time it was nostalgic and faded. 

“Do you remember what I told you afterwards?” Kojiro asked.

Kaoru sighed again, but this time he reached for Kojiro’s hand. “You said that it was more fun with me, anyway.” 

Kojiro nodded. Kaoru understood. While this seemed like an annoyingly pleasant trip down memory lane, there was definitely a lesson that Kojiro had managed to imbue. 

“Reki needs time. I don’t think you can help him on this one…” Kojiro pressed his lips into the back of Kaoru’s hand. 

“Langa could though…” Kaoru acknowledged. Kojiro simply nodded in return. “But Reki would have to be open to that idea, I suppose.” Kojiro nodded again.

Although Kaoru complained about the absolute nonsense that was constantly leaving the gorilla’s mouth, his silence was off-putting too. He couldn’t win. In other circumstances, he would be comfortable sitting quietly. But with the constant beeping that surrounded them, it was clear they were in a hospital. Knowing that always put him on edge. Kaoru pulled at Kojiro’s hand.

“Stop being quiet, you’re scaring me. It’s almost as if you’re thinking.” 

“I am thinking, thank you very much,” Kojiro growled. 

“If you believe that, please feel free to share your secretive thoughts.” 

“Another day…” Kojiro said like the infuriating man he was.

Kaoru’s glare made Kojiro laugh. The audacity . Kaoru pulled his hand away and, again, attempted to cross his arms. He turned his nose up but his cheek was simply met with Kojiro’s lips. How dare he? Kaoru ignored how hot his face became. 

“You’re the worst…” Kaoru mumbled. Kojiro nodded in reply with far too much pride. To remove the smug look, Kaoru tugged at Kojiro’s shirt and pulled him into a proper kiss.

-:-:-

Kaoru grew anxious to return to his room. He understood that the tests were all important but he had also left Miya alone in there for almost an hour. He’d insisted that Miya go home but (much like himself) he was too stubborn to listen. What the child had managed to entertain himself with, Kaoru had no clue. He tried to stop his mind from spinning as the quiet nurse wheeled him back to his room.

He didn't even have to enter his room to hear chaos. Miya should have gone home. And the owner of the second voice should have never arrived. His heart began to race and he knew his reaction would immediately jump to anger the second he entered.

Kaoru wasn’t exactly surprised by what he’d found. But he was indeed furious .

“What the hell are you doing?!” Kaoru fumed, causing the entire room to go still. 

He was met with wide eyes. Both hesitated to speak. The tiniest voice broke the uncomfortable silence.

“It was his idea!” Miya pointed towards the other character in the room. 

“That’s not true!! When I came in he was already using Carla!” Shadow cried back, seemingly ready to throw the kid out the window. 

Kaoru was going to yell. He was about to scream at the two of them. They were already terrified and Kaoru’s scolding would certainly teach them a lesson. But that seemed a little too easy.

Kaoru turned his lips upward into the most robotic smile a man could wear. “Carla?” he called softly.

“Yes, master?” she replied, quitting the ticking noise the two idiots had started.

“That’s enough…” he said, calmly. 

The nurse had fled at the first sign of Kaoru’s rage. He understood but it was also their job. He sighed a little before returning to a smile.

“Could one of you assist me to the bed?” he said, not as a question but as a demand.

Both Miya and Shadow rushed over, practically fighting each other for the right. This was slightly amusing. Miya was pushed aside (he was quite a bit smaller after all), and Kaoru settled back into the hospital bed. 

Kaoru had never seen two people tread so lightly. He smiled again. His cheeks were so tight that his eyes almost closed. He could imagine the sight was unsettling. He hoped they were learning their lesson. 

“Cherry… I’m sorry we used Carla without your permission…” Miya mumbled to the ground rather than to Kaoru.

“That’s quite alright,” Kaoru said in perhaps the fakest voice he could create, “just don’t do it again, okay?” 

Miya nodded quickly, Shadow doing the same. He felt his point was made.

The initial fury had faded as he realised he was actually just glad to have company again.

-:-:-

Kaoru, once again, grew restless. Though this time was more agonising than the others. It had been about a day since anyone had visited and the news of Shadow’s injury had only briefly been disclosed in the vaguest text he’d ever received. He was ready to punch Kojiro as soon as he saw him. There had been no updates — no reassurances — he’d been left in the dark and it made his stomach turn in the most unpleasant way. 

Kojiro had sent a message saying he’d be visiting Kaoru soon but since it had been almost 20 minutes, Kaoru had begun to lose faith. He was meant to be the only injured one. Not anyone else. The thoughts of his own injuries already unsettled him but the knowledge that people he’d grown attached to were also experiencing pain like him? He couldn’t describe the way it made his body squirm. And not being fully aware of the situation made the pain even worse.

As he was about to pick at the nailpolish on his fingers (something he had tried to avoid as not to ruin Miya’s work), a certain idiot finally made himself present.

“You moronic bastard! You said you were on your way!” Kaoru exclaimed, more worry in his voice than he had intended to reveal. 

“Keep your voice down, four-eyes,” Kojiro sighed, making his way further into the room.

Kaoru began to argue back but before too many words exited his mouth, he noticed the arms wrapped around the gorilla’s neck. He was giving a piggyback to Miya. Of course, he was.

“I— What happened? Is everything okay?” Kaoru calmed his voice and tried to, in turn, calm himself down too. It didn’t work superbly but it was a start.

“Hiromi’s going to be fine,” Kojiro explained, lifting Miya higher onto his back.

The sudden movement caused Miya’s head to poke out. And, he looked… odd? His eyes seemed puffier. His cheeks seemed redder. He could be making it up but Miya seemed visibly upset. 

“And… Miya? Are you okay?” Kaoru tried, once again, to hide the genuine concern in his voice.

Miya sniffed, “I’m fine…” he mumbled before he rested his head back on Kojiro’s shoulder. That boy was not fine.

Kaoru made a face at Kojiro. While they didn’t definitively have the power of telepathy, Kaoru trusted that Kojiro knew him well enough to provide what he needed. Kojiro shrugged. That was not what Kaoru had hoped for. And it had disturbed Miya. He really was useless sometimes. Kaoru supposed he’d take matters into his own hands.

“Miya?” he asked softly. Miya hummed in response, doing the bare minimum to meet Kaoru’s gaze. “Would you like to rest?” 

Miya nodded a little bit. Kaoru shuffled as far as he could to the side of the bed. There really wasn’t much room, but Miya was quite small for his age anyway. He figured it’d be a fine fit. Kojiro let Miya down, right by the bed. And without the words of complaint or eye rolls or glares that Kaoru had expected, Miya climbed up next to Kaoru and closed his eyes immediately. The poor child. Kaoru wished to know what happened. He wished to fix the problem. But he doubted he would be of much use at this very moment. So, he gave Kojiro a quick glare before he closed his own eyes and soon fell into a comfortable sleep.

-:-:-

Finally, Kaoru felt himself feel hopeful — excited even. He could see things moving forward. The feeling of being stagnant finally showed release. While it was a small victory (perhaps one of the tiniest victories on his road of future victories), something about it all finally made things seem manageable. He was going home. 

His rational thinking threatened to separate him from his happiness. Weeks of pain and sleepless nights and possible depression awaited him. Objectively, this was going to be miserable. But the excitement that bubbled at the top of his chest made the more rational feelings easy to ignore.

After a couple of lectures on what he could and couldn’t do, and after signing several documents, he moved towards the exit. Kojiro was waiting there for him — not that he’d called Kojiro to come pick him up, but when Kaoru mentioned his discharge, it was natural for both of them to assume Kojiro would be there. As much as he hated to say it, Kojiro was generally reliable. Most of the time. Sometimes. Look, he had a car and a free morning so he was one of the best (if not only) options. Kaoru didn’t want to give him too much credit.

After expressing his dissatisfaction when being awkwardly lifted into the car, Kaoru remained fairly silent. He hadn’t been home for a while now. And he’d realised that even before the memorable beef, he’d neglected quite a few house chores. He’d been busy with work and other things and had focussed on literally anything but the state of his home. With his injury, he’d likely be living in filth for a few weeks. The idea irked him but the fact that he could lie in his own bed, staring at the ceiling while he failed to fall asleep, somehow outweighed the negatives. 

“You know, Miya keeps coming by the restaurant, now?” Kojiro mentioned. Kaoru redirected his attention from the passing scenery to the gorilla, noticing the proud smile upon his lips. “He keeps asking about you,” Kojiro continued, “but honestly he might visit you just as much as I do so I can never really provide him with any new updates that he doesn’t already know.” 

It annoyed him that he’d grown so attached to the child. It also annoyed him that the thought of Miya worrying about him made him feel loved. But there was nothing he could do. Sometimes his emotions got the better of him. He’d work on it another time. “He’ll be there tonight, yes?” 

“Kaoru…” Kojiro sighed, “are you sure you should be going? I think it’d be much better if you just rested.” 

“Oh, shut up, you’d want to go too,” Kaoru snapped. “And it barely even hurts anymore. I’ll be fine, you know it.” 

“I’m more worried about the place reminding you of the event,” Kojiro said, quietly. 

Oh. Kaoru hadn’t thought about that. Would Crazy Rock be triggering? Given he barely remembered the event and had many days to get over his feelings, he thought maybe he’d be fine. Maybe. Most likely. He sat with the idea.

“I’ll be fine…” Kaoru grumbled, not sure if he believed what he was saying himself. 

The rest of the trip was silent.

He arrived home to a fully cleaned house and an aggravating smile that indicated exactly who had tidied up. He refused to thank Kojiro.

-:-:-

It turned out Kojiro hadn’t needed to worry. The evening turned out to be significantly better than anyone could have hoped. Even if Kaoru had become slightly on edge on a couple of occasions, overall, he survived. More than survived. He laughed. And it was so good to laugh. Even as Kojiro drove him home, he’d find himself giggle ever so slightly at the memory of events. It truly had been worthwhile to go.

Kojiro helped him out of the car, and into his house. Even if the future looked a little bleak, in the moment, Kaoru was happy. He wanted to express his general appreciation for the things and people in his life.

“Kojiro,” he said, “come here.” 

Kojiro moved, slowly from where he’d been setting up the couch to sleep on (he didn’t even ask if Kaoru wanted him to stay). But before he arrived within the distance Kaoru had hoped for, he stopped.

“You’re not going to kiss me again, are you?” Kojiro said, hesitating. 

That wasn’t what Kaoru was expecting. At all. While they had never actually dated or anything, affection like that wasn’t out of place in their relationship. Or at least he’d assumed that. Kojiro had seemed happy to kiss back. If he wasn’t, Kaoru would have expected him to voice that. Now Kaoru felt like a fool. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do.

“You’d dislike that?” he asked, eyes glazing over ever so slightly. He was disconnected from the moment, caught up in thinking about every time he’d pushed Kojiro too far. 

“No, it’s just… you can be confusing, Kaoru.” 

He was confusing? Kojiro seemed to be having trouble forming coherent meaning in his words. Kaoru was beyond confused. 

“Can you please just say what you’re trying to? You keep hesitating and it’s infuriating.” 

Kojiro pulled out a chair, and sat, eye level with Kaoru. Kaoru knew that this conversation was probably important but the sitting down felt a bit much — too serious for his previously elated mood. 

Kojiro cleared his throat a little. He swallowed. He tried his best to meet Kaoru’s eyes. “You do… know that I’m in love with you, right?”

Kaoru’s eyes widened. The room became uncomfortably warm. The words lingered. He did not know that. And suddenly he feels like he should have. He definitely should have known — not only that Kojiro loved him, but that he very much reciprocated those feelings. His chest tightened and anxiety managed to take over. He’d had such a good night. But this was oddly painful.

“Kaoru?” Kojiro prompted. His voice was sickeningly soft. Kaoru wanted to throw up. How was anyone meant to respond to any of this? His mouth was agape and yet no words could come out. He had never been genuinely speechless before. Maybe he could just start crying? Would that be an appropriate response? Probably not. 

The silence dragged on longer than anyone wanted to. It was uncomfortable. So very uncomfortable. Kaoru felt awful. This must have been much worse for Kojiro than it was for him. It’s not everyday you profess your love for someone. But it’s also not everyday someone professes their love to you. Either way, the situation wasn’t ideal. And Kaoru couldn’t figure out a single way to move forward. 

“I—” Kaoru’s throat was so dry, “how long have you…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. It was all too overwhelming and quite frankly, he was surprised he found his voice at all.

“Geez, I don’t know! A while, probably. I thought you knew!” Kojiro exclaimed. 

“How was I supposed to know if you didn’t tell me?!” Kaoru barked back. 

Kojiro stuttered, trying to form a response. It seemed rather than staying silent like Kaoru, Kojiro would rather fumble over his words until he found the right ones. “I thought it was obvious…” he admitted. 

“Moron…” Kaoru sighed, shaking his head.

“You still haven’t responded…” Kojiro mumbled. For the first time in a while, Kaoru saw that Kojiro was genuinely nervous. 

Kaoru took a breath. “I um…” This was way too hard. Kaoru nodded. It wasn’t words but he hoped Kojiro understood. Luckily for him, Kojiro picked up on it, no problem.

“Really?” he marveled. Kaoru nodded again. Talking was a chore. And a little too difficult for him right now. Kojiro’s shocked expression soon became his regular irritating smirk. “You like me.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” Kaoru crossed his arms and turned up his nose. 

Unfortunately, that left his cheek vulnerable. Kojiro leaned forward and his lips met Kaoru’s face. 

As he began to turn red, he held his face in his hands, “You really are the worst…”