Chapter Text
It was a nice afternoon, the sun was shining a comfortable and warm orange light and Reki was excited about going to ‘S’ that night. He didn’t have any pending beef with anyone, but around this time of year anyone could challenge a seasoned skater, and it was always fun to see the debut of new skaters. Analyzing their techniques and what not, but the part that excited him the most was talking about them with Langa, and even maybe attempting to do some tricks in the skate park. That was all he was thinking about while he sat waiting for food with his sisters and grandma. Suddenly his mom announced the food was ready, and Reki couldn’t be happier, he had felt ravenous all day for some reason, he got on his feet in order to help her set the plates and everything. Once that was done they all sat down.
“Before we start eating I have something to announce”, she said with a smile, and somewhat of an impatient look, as if she couldn’t really wait any longer to say it. “We are having a birthday party this weekend for the twins, princess-themed!”
The little girls yelled in joy, leaving Koyomi, his grandma and him to pretend being surprised, even though they had helped plan the whole thing.
“And another exciting news!”
This Reki didn’t know about, he was genuinely curious, and he let his imagination run wild with the possibilities. Maybe they would get an inflatable castle, or maybe a clown, or even maybe a princess riding a pony and everything.
“Your dad is coming to town to celebrate it with us! And he is staying a week too, he got a break from work.” To that there was another cheer, even from Koyomi who was genuinely surprised and excited about it. Reki couldn’t say the same thing. He suddenly felt all that hunger wash away, his body even felt stuffed to some degree, he started to fidget with the black bracelet on his wrist. What brought him back was feeling the almost cold hand of his grandma resting on his, and Reki knew he had to get over it. He smiled and went along with his sisters’ spirits. Not really understanding that wasn’t what his grandma was trying to convey.
Reki didn’t even finish half of his lunch, he of course lied and said he had forgotten that he had a commission for a skateboard he had to finish. Due to him being known for his airy personality, it didn’t take much for his family to believe him. And so he went to his shed, not really doing anything. The red-head tried to read some magazines, but he couldn’t even focus on doing that.
His thoughts kept coming back to the dread he felt for the incoming days. Reki’s mom and dad had been separated for a while now. He could still remember how he used to increase the volume of the T.V. when he was small so that he couldn’t listen to the screaming on the other side of their then small house, a few years later he had to calm down Koyomi and the twins too. Then, they got separated and they moved to his grandma’s house. So that she could help take care of the twins, but due to her old age Reki had to help out too. Him being the biggest sibling and all. He didn’t mind and life was really calm for a while.
The hours went by, and ‘S’ was closer and closer. Another thing that kept also being a thorn on his side, was that Reki had a habit he couldn’t quite get rid of. He couldn’t remember when it even started but it was getting annoying the amount of times he had tried to quit it.
He blew out more smoke out of his mouth, which soon disappeared into the night sky. That night the moon wasn’t out, it was almost completely dark while he was sitting in the back of the shed where he kept all of his tools, except for the light of the cigarette resting on his hand. He took another puff of the cigarette trying to find any star in the black sky.
“Reki! Where are you? ‘S’ is about to start.” he heard Langa say while looking for him in the shed, the red-head almost choked on the smoke, and quickly threw the cigarette in the dirt and stepped on it.
Reki heard how Langa went back to the front of the house, maybe to check on his bedroom window, but the red-head managed to catch up to him from the back. Scaring the Canadian a bit.
“I’m ready to go.” said Reki with his board on hand and a big smile, he soon took off on his skateboard with Langa not far behind. Usually they would leave at the exact same time but Reki didn’t want to take the risk of Langa asking where he was or why he might smell like smoke. He used to do it way before Langa even got to his house, because he didn’t want Langa to think he was a delinquent for being a smoker, but these days Reki had been off. “I need to pull it together, I don’t need to give Langa a reason for not wanting to hang out with me anymore,” he thought. Hopefully he could blame the smell of his clothes on the general ‘S’ environment, since he literally couldn’t successfully lie to the Canadian even if he tried.
When they finally arrived they met with Miya first, their local cat boy was watching the beef that was on screen, apparently it was Cherry against a new skater that felt brave challenging him because of his recent recovery from Adam’s Full Swing Kiss. Cherry had been off a wheelchair for about two weeks after that, but had only been given the clear to skate again, months after the incident.
The random guy was clearly going to lose, but he at least tried to catch up, even if it was a futile attempt. Even Adam was feeling some sort of pity for the guy, while watching the beef from above. It was hard getting used to his now more discreet get up. Adam didn’t wear his matador outfit anymore, and that meant his mask was smaller even. Leaving his eyes more exposed to all the emotions he was feeling, to everyone’s discomfort. His skating style even changed a bit after his recent and last beef with Langa, Adam somewhat stopped considering assault as a skating “technique”.
“I heard these guys came all the way from Tokyo to come here and skate.” Miya said as a curious fact.
“Tokyo? I’ve never been there” Langa commented in his usual neutral tone.
“Ugh, not worth it. I hate Tokio!” Reki exclaimed before he could even stop himself.
“How can you hate such an awesome city?” Miya said offended, before starting to list all of his favorite video game stores in the big capital. “I heard that even Adam spent some time skating in Tokyo, the skating rings are really something else.”
They all turned to look at Adam, who was still too engrossed in watching the match between Cherry and the random skater. They had been doing that a lot since Adam had been changing a lot in the last few weeks, but something that didn’t seem to be affected by his “enlightenment”, as the blue-haired creep described it, were his smoking habits.
“As if the guy wasn’t reckless enough.” commented Joe, to what Shadow nodded, the fact that they agreed on something was a novelty on its own.
“Who are you to say he’s reckless?” asked Reki trying to annoy Shadow, who just flipped him off.
“Right back at you kid.” to which Reki stuck his tongue out.
“I think it is weird.” Langa said. “Those things can kill you in the long run, why someone would use them is a strange idea to me.”
“Yeah, who would do that?” asked Reki nervously trying to avoid everyone’s gaze, his hand went again to the bracelet in his wrist.
Everyone else present at that moment, those being Miya, Shadow, and Joe somewhat agreed with Langa. Cherry soon arrived from his easy victory, and he even had the energy to expose some statistics regarding smoking with Carla, all while trying to ignore the worried questions about his health coming from Joe, ending in one of their usual arguments and quarrels.
So that made Reki too embarrassed to even let them suspect one of the redhead’s guilty pleasures. The lighter in his pocket felt really heavy and the packet on his backpack could burn a whole through the fabric, leaving him exposed for everyone to see. Reki felt like someone poked him in the stomach, only to see it was Miya.
“C’mon slime stop distracting, the next beef is about to start.” Miya said, but suddenly stopped. “Ugh, why do you smell like smoke?” the teen had a disgusted face.
“Oh y’know, maybe I passed by some guys smoking coming here” Reki lied all while laughing nervously.
He had stopped smoking a few weeks before Langa moved into Okinawa after his mother started to interrogate him as to why his clothes smelled like smoke, she even reminded him of his late grandfather, who had died of lung cancer after smoking for almost all of his life, with a lot of effort and on relying on chewing gum for a long time to avoid the cravings he stopped smoking. And for a while it was manageable, but it was still something that he kept mostly to himself. He didn’t need to bother anyone after all.
But then the thing with Adam, the tournament, and his falling out with Langa happened. Reki didn’t actually want to return to it, but those days he felt really anxious and smoking helped him relieve that stress a little bit. He still felt awful and hateful towards himself but it wasn’t as bad.
He started to sneak out of his house to smoke, making sure to clean his clothes in the bathroom before his mother could even notice anything. Reki did feel some relief when he and Langa made up, and he thought that maybe he could even stop the smoking. Every day after that he had tried to quit, and he ended up smoking more than five cigarettes in a row the same day after returning home.
Even though he now remembered the true reason he started skating, sometimes his old thoughts would sneak up on him, and the last few days, especially with Langa’s recent beef with Adam in the tournaments finale, the days leading up to it made him feel very on edge. Luckily everything turned out fine, Langa won by a technicality when Adam quit the race midway through, and said something about the true nature of skating. He even stopped using his stupid matador costume to ‘S’ beefs, opting for a leather jacket with a simpler design, and his “tactics” didn’t involve plain assault anymore. He was still ruthless but not as openly as before.
But what was really making a number on his nerves was the fact that his dad was visiting town that weekend, he apparently decided to come for the twins’ birthday. Everyone seemed happy about it, even to some point even Reki’s mom was too, Reki couldn’t really relate. And he didn’t really understand why, even Koyomi seemed happy, and she rarely was openly excited about anything.
Reki tried not to think about it but he just ended up feeling a big dread in his stomach and like his chest might implode on itself like some sort of neutron star or something like that. He couldn’t even focus on what was happening in the beef. That night many rookies were racing against semi-known skaters, maybe to gain some good reputation, unlike the guy who challenged Cherry. The rest of the night sort of happened in a haze, Reki felt like anything that came out of his mouth was automatized, like some sort of crazy A.I. had taken over his body, somehow.
On his way home from ‘S’, with Langa by his side, he had been kind of caught up in his own thoughts, and was feeling really tired overall. The sky was cloudy and it had started to rain, so they had to hurry up before the pavement got even more wet.
“Everything alright?” Langa asked, and Reki shrugged it off with one of his usual smiles. Although Langa didn’t seem to be convinced by it, especially with everything they had been through, and that Reki seemed tired almost every day, the Canadian decided to not bring it up that night.
”See you tomorrow Langa” Reki said cheerfully and took his way home, and Langa did as well. Except that Reki wasn’t planning on going home, he instead went to a nearby park that Langa surely didn’t know about because Reki didn’t really take him there, there wasn’t enough space to skate anyway, and started smoking in the middle of the night, something that proved to be harder under the heavy rain. Reki was soaked from head to toe, he stared at the now wet cigarette. At that moment he even started to wonder why he even began smoking in the first place.
His sisters’ birthdays were next day, but he couldn’t seem to be excited. They were even planning a big party with balloons and all. His dad was supposed to help with that too, Reki hoped that his dad wouldn’t disappoint the twins as he did with the red-haired so many times, but a deep hidden part of him wanted it to be the case. That maybe his old man would cancel at the last minute, like so many times before. Reki could remember the whole birthdays he used to spend staring at the phone waiting for a call from his dad. All the school events too, he just kept staring at the empty seat with his dad’s name on it.
“Your dad is really putting his life together.” his mom had said a week ago, and Reki at first thought that the comment was really random, but in perspective it made sense. That day Reki ended up smoking a whole packet on his own.He felt really guilty about it and spent almost half an hour brushing his teeth. Even after all that, the red-head couldn’t get rid of that weird feeling in his chest, which only seemed to deepen by the news he received at lunch.
He soon looked at the box in his hand and noticed there were only 2 cigarettes left on the box. Reki slapped himself on his forehead, the packet was supposed to last 10 days, not 5!
He decided to go home, he shouldn’t really be skating on the wet pavement, but that hasn't stopped him before. So with some caution he got on his board and started going through the route home. Reki was beginning to calm himself until he saw an unknown car parked outside his house.
That distracted him enough to fall off his board and land wrong on his left wrist, the pain felt sharp but it did more on his right foot. He couldn’t even stand up, something told him he might have a sprained ankle.
“Hey, you alright?”
Reki looked up and it was none other than his father stretching out his hand to him with a gentle smile, while holding a yellow umbrella, his ashy red hair was dry, unlike Reki’s. The young skater felt like a deer on headlights, he couldn’t even muster up something to say. His father then looked around and noticed Reki’s skateboard tossed by the sidewalk. Suddenly the older man’s face turned sour and his gentle aura suddenly evaporated.
“I see you’re still wasting time.” Reki’s dad said, and the redhead couldn’t help but to shrink on himself. “I thought you were doing better, doing other stuff, not this type of thing.” he continued to say with some disappointment. His dad then picked up his own suitcase, and left the umbrella nearby Reki. Luckily the rain wasn’t as heavy as before.
Reki didn’t feel like going inside anymore, but as always the universe had a grudge against him. He had to check on his foot, at least bandage it or something. With a lot of effort he went inside, but to the shed where he kept his workshop. There he applied some ointment to his foot, which was already bruising and a bandage on it. Seeing his dad again, after a long time, left him feeling numb, yet somehow dreadful. He took the package out of his pocket, as well as the lighter and started smoking. For once not really caring if everything ended up smelling like smoke. Maybe it would hopefully go away, or maybe not.
The dawn soon came and Reki hadn’t gotten a single ounce of sleep, his thoughts kept getting caught in memories. The ones he usually just shunned out his head as soon as he felt them, but this time he simply couldn’t.
He just knew he was standing in front of the door, carrying a bag too heavy for the small frame of an almost nine year old staring hazily at the stairs of a house that was familiar, full of the potential to be a warm home, yet that same potencial was snuffed out by a broken soul. There was a figure looking down on him from the top of the stairs. In another reality it may have been a reflection of himself in some future.
The same figure that had once pushed him across a corridor just because his behaviour bothered this figure. That silhouette moved its mouth, but the young Reki couldn't figure out what the voice had said.
And just like that he woke up gasping for air.
He took his cell phone out and spent the last few hours watching skating videos on his cellphone, and even some anime that usually made him laugh, but this time they barely got a reaction out of him. Once he got bored, it was round 7, he tossed the phone aside and closed his eyes, Reki felt himself falling asleep right there on the hard floor of the shed, but he ended up staring at the ceiling. He then took his phone and was surprised that it was 10 a.m. already, had he seriously been like this for over an hour?Reki tried to stand up ignoring how his foot throbbed at the motion. Suddenly the device beside him pinged, turns out it was a text message from Langa.
Hey, are you alright?
sure! :D
why wouldn't I be?
You sent me over 30 videos last night.
Reki face palmed himself, he didn't even notice there were so many. Just to check he scrolled through his text conversation with Langa, and it was true, and not some sort of random prank Langa had come up with. The red-haired then noticed he even sent some to Miya. Not as much as his Canadian friend, but it was still a sizable amount.
oops XP
i didn’t even notice!!
time just seems to fly by, right?
hahaha
sorry if it bothers you
You could never bother me Reki….
Now Reki couldn’t help but to feel guilty, he and Langa had promised to be more open with each other after the whole Adam debacle and his insecurities getting the best of him. But honestly there wasn’t anything to say, Reki felt fine, these weird funks he got from time to time were nothing to worry about.
guess I’ll spam you more often >:D
well… gotta go
today I have to help my mom with the twins
You’ll go to the Dope Sketch’s anniversary party tomorrow night, right?
sure!
it will be fun, and everyone will be there :D
…
when did Oka tell us we had to be there…?
The regular shift :)
Then we stay to set everything up.
great!!
see you later then ;)
Ok, bye.
He had totally forgotten about that, and the teen could act excited about everyone being there if it didn’t make him so nervous as to feel like throwing up. But at least he could get out of his house for a while the next day, from what his mom had told him, Reki’s dad was going to stay a week in the house. So any chance to not be around was one Reki would never let down.
When Reki entered the house the first he noticed was the smell of sweet pancakes that came from the kitchen. Which was weird since both his mom and grandma were sitting at the table waiting for the breakfast. It didn't click until his dad crossed the door holding a tray with both hands and a big goofy smile.
Reki's mom had always reminded Reki how alike his father and him were, and for some reason he couldn't help but notice it at that moment. The twins jumped in joy as his dad goofed around with them, and everyone else seemed to join in the fun. The red-head felt frustrated that he couldn't do it, he felt like an outsider standing at the doorway watching it all. He even thought his grandma might share some reservations
towards his dad but she actually went along with it. Reki could only stand there fidgeting with the bracelet on his wrist.
"Oh Hiro, you shouldn't have!" his mom said excitedly.
"Nonsense Masae!" he exclaimed, giving the twins each their plate with an animal shaped pancake, he even gave Koyomi a pancake shaped like a weird doll thingy. "It is my pleasure!"
Maybe he was being petty, but for the moment he decided to ignore it. A few minutes earlier he had felt hungry, but at that moment the thought of food really made him sick.
"Nii-san come taste some!" Nanaka yelled with maple syrup all over her face. Reki lightly chuckled at the sight, but then he felt something twist in his stomach at seeing how his dad even played little plane with Chihiro. He truly was an awful brother getting upset because of stuff like that.
"Oh I can't Chihiro, you enjoy them!" he laughed a bit trying to sound as natural as possible. "I'll go pick up some stuff we might need later". And as so he grabbed his skateboard and went outside to the supermarket nearby the house to buy some balloons, decorations
and anything they might need.
He left his skateboard near the entrance, where he was certain no one would steal it. Reki entered the store, and was somewhat relieved seeing how empty it was. Despite being almost 11 o'clock. The coldness of the A/C was enjoyable, and it made his skin not feel so clammy. Even if his foot was still throbbing, at least in the market he could pretend that he wasn't limping. Reki was calmly going through the aisles with things on his cart, when a flash of blue crossed his eyesight. It was none other than Langa along with a brown haired lady, who Reki assumed was Langa's mom.
Suddenly Langa saw him too and approached him quickly, with a shopping cart and all, his mom shouting not far behind. The canadian seemed even worried for some reason Reki couldn't comprehend, he really was fine, nothing to worry here.
"Reki!"
"Langa! Hey!"
The silence was really awkward, usually Reki would fill up the space with some comment but after remembering the really weird text conversation of earlier he suddenly couldn't think of anything to say. Luckily for him Langa's mom had finally caught up to him.
"Langa don't run off like that!" she huffed. "I'm not that young anymore." She grabbed her son's shoulder and put some sort of bread in the shopping cart. She then looked at Reki and gave a knowing smile to Langa, who for some reason flushed in embarrassment.
"Oh, you must be Langa's friend who he keeps talking about!" she said excitedly extending her hand to him. "I'm Langa's mom!"
"I'm Reki." he responded shily. "It is an honor to meet you Mrs. Hagesawa."
"Nonsense, call me Nanako."
Reki was never going to do that.
"It is nice to meet you." Reki finally said.
"You're buying cigarettes?" Langa suddenly asked, and Reki felt his eyes widen. He had taken them on impulse, not expecting to encounter anyone at the store.
"Yeah...my mom said she might need new ones." he lied looking past Langa, in an effort of not getting caught not telling the truth. He didn't see how Mrs. Hagesawa frowned at the response.
"Also, today are the twins' birthday, so I am here buying some things for the party we are planning. " Reki steered the conversation so that Langa stopped trying to talk about the topic in hand, literally.
"Congratulate them on my part." Langa said seemingly taking the bait, or so Reki thought.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow to set up the anniversary party for the Dope Sketch!" he said running to the registry, obviously still limping. Langa just waved him goodbye and so did Langa's mom.
Reki paid for the stuff as quickly as he could, he then got out to his boards and on his way home. He noticed how his stomach growled midway through, in order to distract it the red-haired just took out some chewing gum. When with a lot of effort, he got home he noticed how his dad seemed to be trying to assemble something in the main entrance. Some type of structure that would make the door frame look like the front of a fairy tale castle. The more Reki stared at it the more it looked like Cinderella's castle.
"Reki! You brought the stuff!" his mom suddenly said taking the bag in her hands. "Great! Honey, please help your father with this decoration, he thought the twins would like to have one of these since it is a princess themed party!"
"Sure."
And as soon his mom had arrived she was no longer there, she probably had to go to the kitchen to finish all the snacks for all the kids that would soon arrive, Reki and his dad were soon left in an awkward silence, the teen left his skateboard aside and took a look at the manual.
"I think those screws go on the back, not in the front." Reki commented on what his father gave him an exasperated look.
"Really?" the older man said. "Why? I think they fit quite well here."
Reki was really sure of what he had just said, but for some reason, all words got stuck in his throat. He felt as if all of his knowledge maybe wasn't even real, and he had read the manual wrong.
"How about you tell me where the other ones go, then?" his dad suddenly said, putting some tools inside the red box. They looked brand new, and like really good quality tools. Maybe his mom had planned on Reki and his dad reconnecting through some manual work, and it might work. The teen decided he might give the older man a chance, after all, he trusted in his mom's judgement, she had said that his dad was a changed man. And so did the texts and calls he regularly held with his younger sisters.
Not that Reki ever received those types of calls.
They spent a good amount of time sitting there talking about how to build the castle thingy, but not much of any other topics honestly. It was some sort of relief for Reki though.
"You have a knack for this son."
Son.
What a strange word.
"You think?" Reki answered, rubbing his neck nervously.
"Yeah, I saw what you do in that shed, you have a talent", something fluttered inside Reki's chest. "Too bad you waste it in skateboarding."
Reki didn't answer anything to that.
"Maybe you could try mechanics."
"Look what I brought dad," a young Reki once said, carrying a few plastic cars on his hands. All while smiling brightly. "They are miniatures of the new designs coming next year, I heard they might change the fuel tanks favoring a more electric design."
"That is not very interesting, son.." his father had said walking to the door, going through it and leaving a young Reki alone in the living room.
"Maybe," Reki said.
Luckily for him they had already finished the castle thing, and it was ready to be set up over the doorway.
“So what do you think?” Hiro said with a proud smile, the one Reki saw sometimes in his reflection. Suddenly the older man caught a balloon full of water that Koyomi had thrown his way, and threw, positioning his hands afterwards as he did when he played basketball.
“Dad, what do you think of this?” the little kid was holding a drawing in front of his father with pride, hoping that he would like it. The man barely turned around to see it when he said:
“I guess you can improve more, I’ve seen more talented kids in your class.”
“But look! That’s you and that’s mom, and this is Koyomi after she is born.” he started explaining, midway into a happy rant on what he would play with his little sister. His father barely listened to him.
“That is interesting, but I don’t want to hear it.”
“But daaaad!” little Reki exclaimed. “It will be so fun.”
“Could you please stop being so annoying.” his dad snapped at him, that’s when the little red-head noticed his dad had a cigarette on his hand.
“Mom said it is not good to smoke, and you shouldn’t do it inside.” Reki pointed out, and he was about to explain something his grade school teacher had said, but couldn’t finish when he felt himself being pushed back roughly, his body almost flew through the corridor into his room, and landed in the box of toys inside Reki’s room. Usually a five year old would cry, but Reki was too shocked looking at the indifference in his dad’s face, what caught more his attention was the position of his hands. Reki’s dad was an excellent basketball player, he could have gone pro hadn’t he been injured. He even had a particular way of positioning his hands after throwing the ball through a hoop, and it was the same he had at that moment.
The same he had after pushing his son through the corridor, as nothing more than a basketball.
“Brother is really clumsy!” he could hear Koyomi yelling, then he noticed he was soaked. Apparently his dad wasn’t going to be the only victim of the water balloon attack. It sounded like a fun idea, but Reki didn’t have the energy for it. So he went inside instead. “Don’t get mad, that’s so lame!”
Once inside he felt his foot throb even more painful than before, and he knew he shouldn’t be standing on it, but he couldn’t help himself. For some reason he was enjoying the pain it brought, it at least kept him from remembering stuff. There was laughter just outside, Reki felt as if he was missing out because he couldn’t get over something that had happened years ago.
He went just behind the shed, and took another cigarette out. Not really focusing on anything, he just felt tired. It might be nice if the day just ended, and he could just sleep forever. That might be pleasant.
Soon the kids started arriving, Reki could tell because of Nanaka’s and Chihiro’s excited screaming by the fact they were seeing their friends. Reki felt happy that his little sisters could have birthday parties while growing up, unlike him who didn’t have any. It was a heartwarming feeling on a somewhat awful day. Although a tang of bitterness did sneak into his brain.
Reki spent the next few hours serving food, and making sure the kids running around didn’t get hurt or anything serious like that. Also, his dad did manage to get an inflatable castle, it was blue just like Cinderella’s. The somewhat mechanical labours helped him keep his mind clear of any thoughts that might go his way. For some reason his dad opted to even buy a piñata, a Cinderella shaped one. Which in itself was kind of creepy, hitting your icon with a broom stick until it literally fell apart? Sometimes you have to be scared of the new generations.
Reki had the duty of standing on the roof and having to pull at the rope that held the piñata. And moving it around so it would be harder for the kids to hit it, all while his foot was still in much pain, not to forget to mention his wrist too. After many tries, and some moms having to get involved, poor Cinderella fell to pieces and the kids ravenously snatched all the candies.
Very slowly, and very uncomfortably Reki managed to get off the roof. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water, although only full at half. Suddenly he felt as something poked him in his side, turning around the red-head noticed it was his grandma’s cane. She was looking at him sternly and gave him a granola bar.
“You haven’t eaten anything today, Reki-chan.” she said, but in the years of growing up with her, he knew she was actually scolding him. Reki was about to invent something. “And don’t you try lying to me.” she said before he could even open his mouth. “I know this is hard for you, and I think it is honorable that you’re trying to be there for your sisters. “
And just like that she left the kitchen. Out of guilt he opened the granola bar, but could only force himself to take a few bites out of it. The rest he put in the pocket of his hoodie.
The party went on, and by the time it was, Reki knew it was almost coming to an end. So he started to take the plates for the cake out, and all the little spoons, they weren’t going to give forks to little kids. You can never be too careful.
Then his dad went into the kitchen. For a moment they both stood in silence, just staring at each other, suddenly the older man cleared his throat.
“So, the party is really fun! Glad I could come!”
“Yeah.” Reki almost whispered, not knowing what to even say.
“Reki.”
“Yes?”
“I wanted to say sorry.” he said out of the blue, his sunshine smirk gone, only leaving a serious face. “For the times I wasn’t there.”
Reki felt something move in his chest but he couldn’t really tell what it was, he just started to toy with the black bracelet in his wrist.
“But you have to know that I felt awful not being there for my only son. All the time I lost with you. I feel really bad about it.”
“Reki? Is there anything you want from you dad ?” his mom once asked him, he was then 10 years old. They were both in the car on the way to pick up his little sister from a playdate, he was in the backseat while she was looking ahead at the road.
“An apology.” he said staring at the action figure his dad supposedly gave him. He would later find out it was his grandma from his dad’s side who had bought it, and told Reki’s dad to give it to the little red-head.
A few weeks later his dad had called to do that same thing, but it was a really generalized apology. Not really saying anything of relevance. Not the apology he was expecting after what had occurred in their old home months prior.
“And maybe we could get some of that time back, don’t you think?” his dad had kept talking after that, but Reki had barely listened to what his father had said. He just silently agreed with somewhat of a fake smile. His dad beamed at that, then said something about taking the cake back to the party, while both of them lit the candles Leaving Reki to take the dishes and all the other things.
When they crossed the door they were all singing happy birthday. His dad was placing the cake in front of the twins, who looked marveled at the colorful design and the warmth of the candles. Reki felt his eyes tear up at the sight of Nanako and Chihiro enjoying their party while he was recording and taking pictures. They kept thanking her dad, and Reki felt happy their dad had changed for better.
That just left him feeling guilty.
It was just like his mom had said, Reki’s dad was really getting his life together.
He had moved on from whatever dark place he was during Reki’s childhood.
Even his mom had moved on from what happened. The long nights of pretending to not hear her cry were far over.
So, why couldn’t he move on?
He ended up going outside for the rest of the party, just staring at the lighter in his hand. Staring at it, he had smoked enough in these two days, he was craving for another cigarette, but decided not to smoke while there was a children’s party, and so many people were around. Then another dangerous thought crossed his mind, he was tired of feeling stuffed. He was tempted to use the lighter on his hand, let a little flame graze his skin. To feel anything else than whatever it was that pressing his chest.
He shaked his head, and face-palmed himself.
“What am I even thinking?” he half whispered half shouted at himself. Then he heard a ping on his phone, it had little battery though. Turns out it was a text message from Langa.
Hey, how is the party going?
GREAAAT! :D
Reki cringed, maybe he tried to overdo it, for a moment he stared at the screen and considered being honest in telling Langa that maybe he wasn’t 100% alright. Maybe 70% okay. He even typed it out, but he couldn’t bring himself to send it. Instead he sent a picture of the twins staring at the bright cake.
They’re so cute!
Who 's that?
Reki had to check the picture again, and had totally forgotten his dad appeared in that photo. The likeness between him and his dad was sometimes creepy though, he thought while looking at the picture.
oh….
that’s my dad
he came for the twins’ birthday
Oh…
Cool I guess
Are you alright though?
Reki knew he had never talked much about his dad. Only a few comments here and there, but it was certain that Langa knew about his dad’s absence in Reki’s life.
yeah...why wouldn’t I be?
haha
well, gotta go
see you tomorrow at dope sketch :D
He didn’t even wait to see what Langa had answered and stood up. The only thing left to do was to give the kids that were leaving bags filled with candy. Hoping that they wouldn’t eat them right away, Reki had the feeling those kids weren’t going to sleep early that night, and kind of pitied the parents. The twins went to bed and as such the day was coming to an end.
Again, Reki was spending the night in the shed. The whole day he hadn’t even noticed that his dad was apparently staying in his room all week. Reki could just grab a change of clothes for the next day.
He remembered to plug in his phone, before setting up the futon on the ground of the shed. The teen suddenly felt exhausted and decided to try to sleep. But as hard as he tried he couldn’t conceive sleep. Reki ended up staring at the ceiling, which was being illuminated by the soft moonlight.
His grandma from his father’s side used to love admiring the moonlight. She had passed away a few years ago, and although Reki wasn’t as close to her as he was with his grandma from his mother’s side, he still missed her a lot. Sometimes he wondered if he had been closer to his dad, he might have been even closer to his late grandma.
“You know Reki, remember this, a single drop of happiness in an infinite sea of sadness isn’t worth it.” his grandma had once said. He could only remember her soft orange hair and red lipstick, and her sweet voice telling him that.
To that day Reki couldn’t really understand what she had meant by that.
Little Reki was watching a baseball game, his dad had told him to wait there. They were in a bigger house in Tokyo since his dad was getting a promotion. They were supposed to move in with him a few weeks later. But the house didn’t seem like a home, according to his mom it looked more like a single man’s house. There wasn’t even enough space for Reki and Koyomi. Reki was spending a few days there with him and his mom, waiting for his paternal grandma to arrive with Koyomi.
Honestly, Reki could barely recognize his dad.
The night before they were supposed to go watch a movie, but they ended up going shopping for expensive clothes and watches. Even going to almost abandoned malls that were kind of creepy. In one of the stores, Reki’s dad bought a black and silver bracelet, with two tokens in it, one of a girl and another of a boy.
“It is meant to symbolize how much I love my children.”
Then young Reki got bored of the game he was watching, and decided to go to the other room in search of his dad, he heard some yelling coming from the other side of the corridor, He walked slowly towards the door, and opened it.
Reki woke in cold sweat, he tried catching his breath, he hated dreaming about that stupid white house, its stairs and what had happened there. It was 6 in the morning, so then again he had to kill a few hours watching skating videos, he unplugged his phone and started going through his usual youtube channels hoping for a new update.
It was around 8 that he decided to get up, he even changed into his Dope Sketch uniform and all, all while hopping in one foot, since the other one was still hurting deeply, the teen hoped the pain would go away in a few hours, even though the most logical part of his brain told him that he should probably go see a doctor. Reki would be lying if he wasn’t excited to leave the house for a few hours, but mostly he was excited to see Langa most of all.
He then went into the house, with a growling stomach hoping to eat something for breakfast. In the kitchen he encountered his dad who was calmly taking a cup of coffee.
“Good morning Reki.” his father said.
“Good morning.” Reki echoed, not really knowing what else to say.
The older man simply smiled and started sipping his coffee again. Reki felt really awkward in that silence, so much that he preferred not even having breakfast, he was about to leave when his dad said:
“Oh, and Reki? Have you thought about college?”
“Not really, it is kind of expensive though..”
Reki was sitting in the living room watching something on the television, he couldn’t really remember what he was watching, because all of his attention was on the other side of the room, where the dinner table was. His parents were arguing about something, they were even screaming. Little Reki had his hand over Koyomi’s hair, soothing her by playing with her soft and short hair.
“So what did you do with all the savings Hiro?” his mother was asking.
“I don’t know, I don’t know, it’s just gone Masae!” he yelled, while frantically pacing around.
“But you had time to buy clothes and watches you don’t even need?”
“I needed those!” he yelled again. “You don’t understand!”
“What about the kids’ insurance and housing?”
Silence followed.
“You didn’t….” she whispered in some kind of disbelief.
“I had to travel, to travel, yes...You don’t get it I was suffocated Masae!” he was almost tearful. “I had to live my life!”
“Then what are we?” whispered Reki.
Reki rubbed his eye, and he wasn’t going to tell anybody, but he stepped on his injured foot on purpose in order to feel a jolt of pain.
“So, do you want to be with me and run some errands?” his father asked in a tone that suggested it wasn’t really a choice.
“I have a shift soon at my job.” Reki said in an intent of not going, his shift didn’t start for another hour and a half. His father made a weird face, exasperated even. His gentleness suddenly turned sour.
“So you don’t want to spend some time with your father, then? I thought we had made up.” his father insisted. Reki knew he had to arrive early, more like he wanted to, but looking at his dad’s face the teen couldn’t bring himself to say no. Reki hoped those errands were short.
Reki was about to grab his skateboard when his dad suddenly put a hand on his shoulder, saying something about them going in the car to run those errands. Reki wasn’t particularly happy about it but it made sense. It felt weird leaving the house without it, since it was such an ingrained part of his daily routine and his personality after all.
The silence was almost unbearable, except for the music in the radio, a soft ballad that felt somewhat familiar. He remembered how his dad used to sing it all the time, when they used to pretend to be at a concert. Reki’s dad even promised they would one day go to one, they never did though.
Probably never will either.
Their first stop was going to a bank for some reason, it was almost 40 minutes away from the house by car, and his father left him alone inside while the older man went into the building, Reki was willing to wait but he eventually got bored. So when he saw there was a nearby park he decided to go to that place to check it out. Maybe it could be a new place for Langa and him to go skateboarding. The red-head sat fidgeting with the worn black bracelet in his wrist.
Suddenly his dad walked up to him carrying some papers in his hand, and a big smile, as if he was excited or something. He sat down next to Reki and ruffled his hair, even taking his headband off in an oddly playful manner. The teen would usually protest or something but he didn’t have the energy to do so. His body felt stiff and slow-motion for some reason.
“I have something to talk about with you.” Reki’s dad said with somewhat of a guilty face, the teen only raised an eyebrow at him. “Remember when I asked you about college? Well, turns out my mom left an insurance for you, so when you would turn 18.”
That was something Reki didn’t know about.
“It is the only one that was left after the divorce.” he continued explaining, and Reki didn’t like where the conversation was steering. “And I would have sent the alimony all these years with his insurance but I couldn’t access it, only you can when you turn 18.”
“Why are you telling me this now?”
“Your grandma didn’t want me to have it, that old hag.” Reki’s dad tried to make a joke, but Reki wasn’t really in the mood, and thought that the joke to be distasteful. “But, I figured a way for me to get to it, you just have to sign these papers, and I’ll be able to administer it and all, it will be great!”
Reki didn’t know what to think, this was all too sudden. His chest hurt even more than in the morning, his hands were tingling and his ears ringing. The only thing he knew was that his dad was somehow still talking, but it sounded really far away.
“Is this why you came back?” Reki asked, interrupting whatever it was that his father was saying. “How can I t-trust you, t-to even administer that? Why do you need it?” The older man was now basically glaring at his son.
“So, you don’t actually care about me? I told your mother that she had to make sure you cared about me, but she did a terrible job and now we don’t have a father son relationship.” he huffed. “You don’t care what happens to me.”
“What even happened to my sisters’ school insurances?” Reki asked, trying not to vomit.
“I had to dispose of it, I was suffocating.” his dad explained in a single sentence that didn’t actually say much. “I needed it to live.” Reki actually felt too shocked to even say something. “But I need this insurance because I need to start over, I screwed up.”
Little Reki opened the door across the corridor, the light from the window slightly blinded him for a short moment, but he heard a slap and saw a body falling to the ground. His dad standing above someone on the floor. Suddenly that person stood up with a red cheek and looked at the little red-head, it was his mother with tears in her eyes.
“¡He hit me!” she shouted. “Your dad hit me.”
His father was basically glaring at both his wife and son. Saying things that didn’t make sense in the ears of a young Reki. He felt how his mother grabbed him roughly by the wrist and took him to another room. Everything was going too fast, and his mother was near hysterical crying, she couldn’t even make the suitcase. So Reki with an unusually dry face had to do the rest of it.
They took about ten minutes to get their suitcases ready, his mom called his paternal grandma, and they waited by the door. For some reason, Reki was always trying to reach out for his dad even when he rejected him time and time again. The little boy hoped that maybe it was just one of his weird moods again, Reki stood there, staring at the stairs carrying a bag too big for his frame. His dad walked slowly to him from the top of the stairs, he took something from his wrist and put it in Reki's hand. And it the most clear voice he said:
“I don’t love you anymore, I don’t need you. Get out of my life.”
And as Reki cried, his father went up the stairs watching him with disgust until he disappeared out of sight. The little boy opened his hand and noticed it was the bracelet he had bought for himself in honor of his children. An accessory he no longer needed, a representation of the love he wasn’t going to give anymore
Reki actually laughed at himself, but more at what his father was saying.
“You didn’t care when you left us, when my sisters didn’t have enough diapers, or when Koyomi spent three weeks in the hospital due to her asthma.” Reki said with a cold calmness, that not even the teen knew where it came from.
“I knew it, you are just a piece of shit like your mother.” his father answered angrily, grabbing Reki by the collar of his shirt. “And like the dumbass my mother used to be.” The older man threw his son at the ground, but Reki only saw the same eyes of indifference he was used to seeing in his childhood. “You can now consider me dead.”
And so, the story repeated itself, his father once again with indifference. The papers are long forgotten and dancing with the wind. “You are at fault your sisters don’t have a father anymore, and neither do you.” the worn out bracelet in his wrist stung but Reki couldn't really say anything, except:
“Goodbye, Hiro. I guess some things never change”
Reki then was left alone in that park, under the sun of a clear sky. Like the one on that day in Tokyo.