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It was one of those days.
From the moment he woke up, Langa knew he wasn’t going to get out of bed today. His body felt so, so heavy, keeping him tied to the bed. It took some time for his limbs to get feeling back into them; for him to be able to move them. He just curled up further
Guilt festered in his heart as his mother came to check on him. She was in a hurry, she had to get to work, she didn’t have time to look after him as well. But she did anyway. She took the time to sit down next to him, stroke his hair for a couple moments, as long as she was able to. She promised him to call the school and let him take a day off, reminding him to try and eat something, that there were puddings and leftover poutine in the fridge.
Staring at the ceiling, Langa was lost in thought. He’d given up on distracting himself with his phone; his hand had gone limb from the minimal exhaustion and it had slipped down and fallen to the mattress. He had barely gotten up to go to the toilet once, but he hadn’t had the strength to at least change out of his pajamas or eat something.
He had these days a lot back in Canada. Several in a row mostly, this mood often clung to him for a week, sometimes for two.
His body felt so heavy.
He felt so terribly empty .
He hadn’t had these days since they moved. Hadn’t had them since he met Reki. He hadn’t had the time to feel so empty when he spent all his free time skateboarding with Reki, studying with Reki, working with Reki and eating with Reki.
He turned on his side, burying deeper into the blanket. He hated feeling like this. He didn’t want to feel like this. He just wanted to skate with Reki. He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts, wandering mindlessly, always ending back up at the same person.
His father.
He didn’t want to-
The doorbell rang. Loud and sudden.
Langa flinched, covering his ears. His mother told him he didn’t need to open the door today, that there were no important letters or packages arriving today.
Langa sobbed as the bell rang again.
It was quiet for a moment, then his phone vibrated on the mattress next to him. Langa whined, hating the sudden influx of noises. But that was Rekis ringtone.
Reki
Are you home?
Langa squinted against the harsh light, eyes already drying out in the contrast of his dark room. He typed an answer, before flopping back into the mattress.
Yea, just wait a sec
Great, now he’d have to get up. He really did want to see Reki though, maybe he’d help him feel better. Maybe he’d fill up the hollowness in his chest.
It was more tiring than anything to get out of bed. His mother had closed all the curtains in the hallway, kitchen and living room, so he wouldn’t have to adjust to the lighting and possibly get overloaded.
There was the lighting coming through the open door though and for a moment that was all he could register. He knew Reki was talking, he could hear him. But he couldn’t understand the words for the life of him.
He came back to himself when Reki closed the door behind him.
“Langa? Do you want me to stay with you?”, Rekis eyebrows were furrowed together and even though he was worried for Langa he was the prettiest and nicest to look at person or thing Langa had ever seen. The color of his hair, how it fell over his face and headband, his soft skin and round cheeks covered with freckles. His amber eyes. The way the shadows fell over his face. Looking at Reki was almost a stim.
He nodded, slumping into Reki, enjoying the soft fabric of his hoodie on his face, breathing in Rekis scent. A mix of wood, oil and just... Reki.
He blanked out during the journey to his bedroom, coming back into consciousness when his head hit the pillow. The mattress dipped next to him and soon Reki laid next to him, school uniform jacket and hip chains discarded on the floor for now.
Langa just stared at Reki for a bit, before moving to bury his face into his chest. He wanted to stay like this, enveloped in Rekis scent and with his arms wrapped around him, their legs tangled.
But he also really really wanted to stim with Rekis hands. He just couldn’t decide which was more important right now. It was so frustrating.
Rekis hand stroked through his hair. “Hey, what’s wrong?”, oh he must have made some noise. Or did he do something? He couldn’t tell, he didn’t know. He just, he just wanted to stay wrapped up in Rekis embrace and stim with his hands.
He reached up to the hand in his hair, rubbing circles into it. The way the skin moved beneath his thumb felt so nice.
“Oh, yeah, okay sure, wait a sec, I’ll just-“, Reki shifted to switch positions so they could spoon, but Langa whined, his other hand holding tighter onto Reki, hiding his face deeper into his chest. His nose was squished uncomfortably against Rekis hard sternum, and he shifted a little to relieve the pressure again. Reki settled back into their former position, Langa still holding onto his hand, still signaling that he wanted to stim, but also have Rekis arms around him. The contact was nice and he didn’t want to give it up.
Reki hummed in thought for a bit. “Wait, I might have an idea”, his voice was quiet, making sure not to overwhelm Langa further. He pulled his arm under Langa free, grabbing Langas that was still rubbing his other one with it. He rested them on the mattress between them, his other hand wrapping back properly over Langas side, pulling them closer together. Langa shifted his head up, hiding in Rekis neck instead. Their hands had a little more space now and Langa could properly stim, rubbing circles into Rekis palm, softly pinching and stretching the skin.
He hummed happily, placing a kiss on Rekis throat.
His body still felt too heavy, but his chest didn’t feel as hollow anymore with Reki here.